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Kuli, We are there for you. Think of us as being there WITH you. You are not alone, and because of the grace within you, your Dad is not alone either.
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Kuli I hope God gives you an extra measure of strength today,
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Kuli, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know it's rough. YOU WILL BE OKAY. Keep venting on here. We are here for you. :)

love,
miz
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Oh I am sooooo glad to find out I am not alone! I care for my mother-in-law........and it is so hard sometimes. My physician is trying to control my blood pressure and has put me on valium so I can make it through a day of dealing with her. If possible, she would sit on her couch, urinating in her depends, dropping her food all over herself. She doesn't clean herself until my husband and I have to literally strip her down and stand over her while in the tub. We put in a handicapped tub for her and she likes to sink down into the foot section and thinks that gets her clean. When we stripped her last Saturday, the diaper that came off was horrible.......how in the world could a person wear something like that???????
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Hey Jam ~
However you found this thread, be glad you did! You will find the greatest people who are always here for you.
Keep on venting!
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Thanks to all of your well wishes and prayers and the grace of God dad had a much better night last night. He actually slept for 6 hours straight. It sure helps knowing all of you are here for me and I hope you know I'm here for you too! The black hole becomes so much farther away after a few good hours of sleep.
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I have been reading some of the comments and I already feel so much better. THANK YOU......ALL OF YOU!!!!!!! And today is bath day so we all know how that will be. What is absolutely insane is that she fights, screams, calls names every time.....and last Wednesday I went down and said "it's bath time". She walked into the bathroom, took her clothes off, sat down and started filling the tub......without one word of argument! I thought it was success at last.....nope, the other night I told her we would have a "sprayer bath" just to refresh the next morning, since she had her big bath on Wed; my husband and I were taking her out to her favorite restaurant for lunch. Oh no, she sticks her finger in my face, and lord only knows what's under that fingernail, and screams at me that I'm mean and trying to inherit "her property" and she paid $100,000 for "all this". Her little house sits on our property.....lol. Needless to say we didn't go anywhere, but the fun starts again today.....wish me luck....:)
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Hello,
WOW I am sorry you are grossed out by your mother using your toothbrush to brush her hair, and I understand that is how you feel. I wish that was my biggest issue right now because if I could just go buy another toothbrush to resolve the issue I would be in a great place. Saying that to say , Dear , just go buy another toothbrush and keep it in a place where Mom cannot get it and let her keep the old one. Don't get me wrong by no means am I downplaying your feelings I just want to support you and at the same time keep things as simple as possible i'm sure you have plenty of other things to concern yourself with and simple works fro me when I can get things simple so i'm just passing that on. God bless
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Welcome, Jam. I'm very glad you found us. It's definitely an uphill battle caring for our loved ones. This thread has saved my sanity many times.

Kuli, I'm so glad you and your dad got some sleep and are away from that black hole. I hope it continues.

I'm figuring out expenses today. I got behind (again). Gotta go through the grocery receipts and separate out who pays for what and add it all up. It's such a pain in the a$$!! I have two months done today and am working on the third. It's amazing how much groceries cost these days. Actually it's not amazing, it sucks!! LOL ;) K, I gotta get back to it before I get too tired. I get worn out so easily these days. PMSing too and that does not help. Love yous. Hugs to all!!

love,
miz
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Jam,
My Mom was bad with bathing too, until she went on home health care for a few weeks and that included a CNA who came in to bath her as part of the program. She never argued with the CNA, so when the Home Health program stopped, I took on the CNA privately. She comes in on saturdays, and I pay her $15 a visit out of pocket, but we just never told mom, she thinks it is just a continuation of the program and now there is no more trouble! The CNA even comes in during the week when mom needs a refresher.
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I gave up on showers for Mom and can't get her into and out of the tub. She gets sponge baths. I know it's not the best, but I don't want to stress her out by making her take a shower. I think it scares her. I have a CNA here 5 times a week so she gets her sponge baths frequently. The skin on her arms and legs is so dry that too much bathing isn't good anyway. She's so funny. She tells me she doesn't do anything to get dirty. ;)

love,
miz
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Great idea about the CNA...thank you Ted and miz. My mom-in-law also tells me she does nothing to get dirty.....and that was even after pulling weeds in the garden all summer! I try to get her to put lotion on her arms and legs after bathing but she absolutely will not.......yet she will spend $20 for lotion for her face. This 86 y/o still coats her lashes with thick, black mascara.......we put a stop to the "winkies" several months ago. Individual lashes that she would wear for weeks without changing them. At the Red Lobster one day the waitress was looking oddly at her.....there she sat with a black blob on her cheekbone....guess the glue didn't hold....:)
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Ted I am so glad that you were able to deal with bathing-we had an aide one time that told the husband to stop bellowing I laughed so hard-and he stop while she was here.
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Where ya all are? Pirate, haven't seen you in awhile. 8:30 pm on a Saturday night. Bout ready for bed. Bestest friend and her hubby came over tonight. That's always fun. :) Good thing cause I was so frickin' bored. Don't forget to turn the clocks back ifn you live where we do that. I took my meds. Gettin' a bit silly. K...night.

love,
miz
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Got the munchies. What do I eat? Ate some Chips Ahoy and cereal. Gonna wander into the kitchen. Hubby's in there. Maybe he has some good food ideas.
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LOL...I'll have some of what miz is having!

Hope everybody is having a great Saturday evening!

Love & hugs,
Peaches
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LOL, GP. Didn't get anything to eat. Not really hungry. Just have the munchies. :)

love,
miz
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GP, you have a great evening too.
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miz, I've got the munchies, too...having Teriaki (sp?) wings...I'll share! : )
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Hi Jam welcome to this "cage of crazy ones"!!!!!!
I am the foreign correspondent and I speak from the other side of the ocean.
I went really crazy tonight. And I feel soooo better now! I took a nap on the couch, as usual, after dinner. When I woke up at 1.00 a.m Italian time, that is 3 hours ago, I went into the bathroom and discovered that my mother had taken all the bags full of dirty clothes to be washed, and she had spread all the dirty things in the living room, mixing them with the clean ones which were getting dry near the stove. I had to pick all the clothes, the dirty and the clean ones, put them back in the plastic bags (this time I put the plastic bags IN MY ROOM where they are under control), and started the 100th washing machine.
And, at this point, I started to cry and shout, really shout, roar like a wounded animal. I know that it's not such a big deal to have to wash the clothes again. I guess I just needed to cry, shout and roar. I did so for a quarter of an hour (I was very loud so I am still waiting for the police to knock at my door to see if I have not killed my mother). And now, 2 hours later, I am happy and smiling again. And then I came on AgingCare and I read your posts which made me smile even more, and I am so much better.
Sometimes, I find it difficult to cry. When I manage to cry, but REALLY, I feel so much better, after.
I' m going to fix one of my nightly breakfasts (I have no munchies.... just cookies and milk) and back to work! It's 4 in the morning, now
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Ah, BTW, I went on Facebook too and I found a message of my ex boyfriend (of 30 years ago), an American guy who lives in Hawaii, now. He said he is sorry that our relationship did not continue and he misses me. The poor guy, he should see me now, this rotten woman! I don't want to "skipe" him, so he does not see me and he remains with his memories...
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rossella ! its one am here , oh wait a min we suppose change the clock back one hr . mmm now im lost ,
a good cry is good for ya , now ure happy camper . got a ex boyfriend still hangin on to the memories , wooohoo . are u his friend now ?
i need to go to bed here in a bit , we are planning to go cut wood in the morning , havent been on this thing all day , so decided to ck my email oh wow 25 emails . . havent read all yet , read the first part where you said u had a howling moments and laundry scattered about . i just had to say something .
laundry is scattered here too , daughter moved back home , she has tons of laundry , so do i , hubby s , my dad s and my sister towels wash rags dish towels , u name it they all need to be wash . oh dad s blankets sheets everyday theyre wet when he wakes up . mmm thats alotta laundry . thank god for washer machines wooo . i know my washer machine runs all day and try not to run toomuch at night , gosh ! dishes too whoaa . they never end .
ah gotta go to bed , goodnight love you all !!! xoxo
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Rossella, what are you waiting for?!?! Email him back!!! You never know, it may just be fate knocking at your door! You are NOT a rotten woman! You are a very caring lady & he'd be a fool not to realize that!

I'm glad that you got to blow off some steam, too & that you are happy & smiling again!

Cookies & milk sounds like my kind of breakfast, too! lol

Keep us posted on the situation with your beau, ok?

Love & hugs,
Peaches
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Linda, Georgia, go to bed! (Linda, if you have to cut wood...! I have just to take my mother to church)
Do you really think I can restart a love affair with a person who lives in Hawaii, whom I have not seen for 20 years? (he is the brother of my best friend) Shall I pack my mother and 20 animals and go to Honolulu???. I don't think I can, really. Maybe in the future (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) we could travel together. He is a very nice fellow.
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kuli - how is ur dad now ? hope hes better now .
my dad does that sometimes , he be off into lala land for few days then hes back to oh hi linda ! where have u been dad ! ur mind was gone off somewhere .
think thats all part of dementia , mind shuts down , maybe stroking out ?
jam- my dad pees in his depends , he cant help it . sometimes he can feel that he needs to go to bathroom and most of the times he cant , alot oftimes i ask him if he s wet , noooooooooo he says , but i ck it oh yes he s a drippin wet . then i take him to the bathroom and get him all cleaned up . he s happy again .
my dad is starting to act like a infant . whines cries and that tells me somethings wrong , so i have to do a lit invesgation ahh hes wet or ahh hes hungry , or not comfertable so i flip him on his side and hes comfty . now he s starting to tell me hes hungry every 2 hrs , im thinkin uhh its like havin a infant in this house that wants bottle every 2 hrs !
its all good , i love my dad . he s number one . xoxoxo
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Rosella you have to get in touch with him. Where is our Bobbie I miss not hearing from her. To all of you have a blessed Sunday.
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Rosella, 20 animals? really?
My mom has a few acres near where we live with a ramshackle old house on it that i always dream of patching together and moving to, fence the whole thing in and go on an animal rescue spree. I know that they would make a far better family for mom and me than the humans I was born with!
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Good Morning my Beautiful Sailors!

Rossella! I know you are beautiful! contact the Hawaii guy and say whassup. Of course you are not going to pack and go to Hawaii but what could be better than 2 lovers catching up online?
I have been chatting on Skype with a guy I know from 40 years ago but we are not going to be an item or anything and he doesn't even bother to put his partial in and I don't bother to comb my hair. He says: I see the cat did your hair and I say nice fangs.
We have an ok time talking and it breaks up the day. email Hawaii dude! Who knows? It could really put a smile on your face and THAT is what it's all about.

Jam, welcome to the grossed out thread and hey! you like boats?

I appreciated everybody's bathing stories. Way back in the thread I talked about my mom and how she didn't want to bathe. (please know that it's the disease but you swear they're out to get up on your last nerve)
Mom was getting pretty ripe and I realized that she was no longer able to wash herself so she was laying up in the bed and I said, hey, how about a shower? I'll help and she says no and puts a puss on. I say are you sure? oh yeah.
so I grabbed the Febreeze and gave her blankets and nightie a light spritz and waggled the covers around and said, all rightie then. All clean.
Next day: Mom! let's take a shower! she got right out of that bed and we got into the shower together and that's how I washed her for a long time and then got her a shower chair so she would feel secure.
I always made a big deal and did her hair and had nice fresh clothes for her. She got to enjoy it because she would get the royal treatment.
Please remember that your loved one cannot change their own diapers and take their own baths. That part of their life is over and if you are the caregiver then you are now responsible for them to not have dirty clothes and pants on. You have to be the parent and not allow your baby to be dirty. They'll fight but when they're clean and shiny they're happy.
Bath every day or sponge bath every day and clean clothes every day. If they don't wanna, break out the Febreeze. Worked for mom and me.
Got to keep the 'area' clean because when that goes south there are a lot of problems that unnecessarily arise.

Thinkoftheboat!!

lovbob
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Great Idea! "Febreeze Body Wash"
Definitely a market for that in this crowd!
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Good Morning All & Everyone,

GP, thanks for the offer but I'm vegetarian. :) You're a dear to offer though.

Rossella, that would have flipped me out about the laundry too. I'm glad you got all that emotion out and you feel better. Hey, aren't you the one that had a dream about an ex-boyfriend and being happy? Maybe that was a sign. I say go ahead and contact this guy. You never know. And, you are a BEAUTIFUL person!!

Austin, you have a blessed day too.

Bobbie, I like that Febreeze idea. I use air freshener a lot but that does nothing for surfaces and bedding and such I don't think.

Well, I got caught up on figuring out expenses. Today I have to figure out this thing I got from Medicare. Mom fell in a restaurant several years ago. I think it's about that. When it happened I told the hospital it was not the restaurant's fault but I guess they still have to report it. So now all of the sudden I get this stuff from Medicare that I can't make heads or tails of. It's about a claim I guess. They are probably trying to get money from the restaurant owner. I don't know. It was a total accident. The restaurant has since closed. They paid for our lunch that day. Hubby said he would look at the stuff for me. I can't think that hard.

K, it's time to clean up and change Mom. This oughta be fun. Have a good day everyone. As good as it can be in our circumstances.

love,
miz
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