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Yes bobbie luv boats.....in fact I was sitting on the bottom step of the deck a little earlier while my 4-legged babies were doing their thing, staring at our boat sitting in the lower yard. Gotta sell her......too much for my husband to keep up these days and no time to go to the lake....:( I like the Febreze idea......keeping clean is a must......mom-in-law can't fib to me any longer......found a small decub on her bottom.....but at least she is letting me keep it clean, dry and medicated.
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Thank you Rossella........you sound like a wonderful person! There have been times when I have stood on my back deck and just screamed........and I feel so much better afterward. At least I can lock the door between my house and mom-in-law's.....when we first moved her here my hubby and I would here this little "hello, hello"....she was wandering around our family room trying to find us I guess. Put a stop to that.......:)
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Will someone explain how a person can get the idea in their head that once their parent dies that they should live for that parent and should do the what they did and wanted but maybe could not or did not do? To me this sounds like loosing your identity in your deceased parent.
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My two siblings think everything should be done the way my dad would have done it. I don't know exactly why. He had very strong opinions about things.
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Maybe you should start a new topic.
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Crow I have no answer why they would excepy some people like traditions that can be pased along from generation you don't hear things like that much anymore why did you ask the question knowing you it is a deep mystery to you -you delve into things more deeply then most of us do-just wondering-I do my own thing and do not cling to the past-if my husband had not died he would now with some of my ideas sometimes I think I hear him scolding me about something.
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Austin, I feel the same way. I know that my dad would not have agreed with some of my decisions. I worry that he will be mad at me when I get to heaven.
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Crow, F* you, but you have been a strength for me. don't be getting weak now, I NEED you. I know that you are strong. I need our strength, beef up. stand up, I need you. Please.
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Crowe is not getting weak and we all need his insight-well most of us do anyway.
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hey Ted ~
Lots of us are very strong & here for you!

Love that you believe in Animal Rescue! I've recycled, for lack of a better word, over 100 cats in the last 20+ years. Local animal shelters & rescuers found me out. I had patience & enough mnedical experience to save most of them.

My commercial shop was often the transition space. Recovering cats were welcome, socialized by my dogs & resident cats. Often adopted my clients.
Many happy endings!

Rossella & I share much in "animal common" as do most of the regulars on this thread. You'd be amazed at how many pets we have among us ... & the population grows monthly

Deef recently rescued 2 more kitties, we all know about Bobbie's Boat Kitty, Peach has several in house & rescue pets ... Miz & J have kitties with vet bills ....
Castoff, Linda, Kuli & ... oh ... I think everybody!

Those Petless raise a paw.

Some day I'll send you the Red Cat Society & K9 Express plans.

Cheers ~
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sorry guys, This is confusing cause it isn't my life I'm living, it's mom's. and it should not be. Tell me again, and again that this is MY life, DAMMIIT! NOT her's .
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RIP, I feel like a complete loser because I haven't been able to xarry this out! The peoperty is ours, and it sits there abandoned. Meanwhile. I'm paying way too much to rent. I NEED HELP!
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ted , u shouldnt be blaming ur mom cuz ure living in her life . you made the choice to move in with her and take care of her , ur choices , ur mom did not twisted ur arm and made u to take care of her .
there is a front door u can walk out and dont look back . your choices . put her in a nh and there youre free ! your choices ,
i make my choices and im going to cheerish it .
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Crowe, I don't know if I understood your question very well. I had a very strong father, he had a very developed sense of ethics, he did his best in anything he did, he went to work even when he was sick... and so on. I think you understood the kind of person. He was very though with my brother and I, and when we were not up to his expectations, he said "I don't know why you are so spineless". I did not follow his example when he was alive (I was easy going and enjoyed the good life). When he died I started to have many more responsibilities on my shoulders and I became a little bit more similar to him (without reaching his levels, of course). I always talk to him and I usually speak "angry" with him. I say "Dad, am I spineless? Yeah? Look how little I sleep the night, how much I work and how I take care of my mother and I am an acceptable leader of my little pack". I loved and admired him a lot; I think he was too strict with us, though, and he underestimated both my brother and I. This gave us a lot of insecurities which could have been avoided if he had not been so strict.
I think each one of us has a different story with our deceased parents (it depends on the parents and it depends on us!) But, in general, i think that if we try to take the best of their teaching and at the same time realize that they were not perfect, so we are not overwhelmed by them (alive or dead) it would be the best solution!
It's an interesting topic and I think that each one of us would give you different answers.
Ted, I am an animal rescuer too - the problem is that once you start it is difficult to stop. I rescued not only cats and dogs but also pigs, sheep, goats, chicken, geese, horses, whatever you can think of. I spent all the money I had and I did not have. (and it still goes on!). So you have to know that it's a slippery slope if you start!
Jam, you shout too! It's very liberating and I think we should do it from time to time. Of course, the other night I did not shout "at" my mother. I shouted at the walls, at the air.... I did not want to scare her too much. In fact she did not get scared at all. She thought I was just nervous. She understood I was not angry at her.
And, (ex boyfriend): Georgia, Miz, Austin, Linda, Bobbie... The guy we are talking about was an ex boyfriend of 30 years ago exactly. I was 23. Last time I met him I was 33. It was a great love for me, while he considered me as a friend, mostly. I know he loves me a lot (love as: a friend) and perhaps he has an age where he thinks that friendship is more important than passion or however you want to call it. I don't rule out the possibility of meeting him in the future and spending "some" time together (vacation?), but he really lives at the other side of the world for me. So let's stick to reality! I would not go across the world to try to live with a person who is just a friend for me, now. And though, Bobbie, I don't want to Skype! He was an important man in my life and I prefer he does not see me as I am now. If we have to meet, I have to make an intensive care, before! After all, hidden under layers and layers and layers of deterioration, there is still a woman inside here!
Stop, stop with nonsense now.
Kisses to all of ya
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p.s. Ted, it is your life, damnit! Not hers.
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sometimes I don't understand myself very well
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Yes, Yes ,yes. i have chosen to care for an old, pathetic women who has no other chance of love or help or care. I accept that that is my Fault(? Chioce ? whatever?) but I don't think that deminishes the stuff that I experienced up to this point.
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by the way, It's MY front door, not her's.
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For what it's worth Ted - my self centered "life of freedom" siblings refer to me as a martyr.

My friends, professional & even acquaintences call me responsible & many other kind things.

Please don't kick yourself. I am hoping we'll all come out of this caregiving episode unscathed.
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I agree with Rip. What we do is already so hard that it is no use to think: "Why do we do it? Are we right in doing so? Which is our role in this matter?" No more brainbreaking! We have chosen to do it for one reason or another, we could change our mind in the future,,, Who knows? I think that what we are learning from this experience, all of us, is to live day by day...
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Rosella, yes, it is my choice. I know that and accept that. yes.
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I have rebellions all the time, even if I have chosen it! I mean, we are not a steel pillar! We bend, we crack...
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Sometimes I don't understand myself either. I don't think I have ever been allowed to or allowed myself to be who I really am. Or maybe I don't want to be who I am because I did not like myself when I was.

If my mom had been evil to me growing up, done despicable things to me, maybe I could put her in a NH. I don't know. That was not the case so I can't know. I am a forgiving person. I am fortunate that my mother is loving and grateful.

rossella, of course you do. We all do. We are human. :)

love,
miz
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Ted, the things that I say to you, I say them to myself first of all! There is always a part of me that I have to crush down! (obviously, the part of me who would say "Bye bye everybody, take care of yourselves, now! I'm getting the hell out of here...")
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LOL rossella. DITTO!!
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Miz, maybe we are so many people in the same body and we draw from ourselves the part of us which is needed in that moment! Maybe I am the spineless person my father told me I was, and I am strong when it is necessary! I doubt that anyone can always be "what he really is" ! (on the top of a mountain, alone, maybe!)
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Are we alright, Ted? I am sorry, sometimes I am tough when I speak (or write)
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Yes, Rossella, we are more than alright. I appreciate your candor and honesty, and I love you for saying what you mean to me. No games. I think (hope) that is why we come here.
But really, 20 PETS!?!
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There is life after caregiving but it tales a long time to unwind and find yourself because you will be different and you will wonder why you did things the way you did and question yourself a lot and you all are very lucky to have others here who get it-I am still finding myself and some days I feel strong and others depressed but am moving forward-I think.
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... and we need some time to understand each other! When I found this site I did not know anyone of you. Now, I know pretty well many of you and I know we can almost "read" in each other's minds!
I have 4 dogs, (one male and 3 females) and at least 15 cats. I never know the right number because some of them were born in my house but they have decided to live outside and they never come in my room. They eat and sleep outside. Some of the cats, on the contrary, are not mine. They come from outside and they have decided to live with me, so they slowly get into my garden and then they get into my room. (the other parts of the house are animal-forbidden). There are plenty of shelters (I have 3 small stores) so they find many places were to sleep. They do what they want. I would like to have some chickens and geese (just for the eggs!) but I don't feel like cleaning more poop! One day or another though I would love to have a couple of donkeys. They are adorable!
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