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"worry what my sister is doing might land her in prison." Yes, and a therapist years ago in a mental hospital told my wife that from the stories my wife told her about her mother's financial lifestyle that her mom belonged in prison. That was a tough pill to swallow but it is true. For example she forged my wife's name on a $10,000 CD and thus we became liable for the tax. All this really was a way for her mother to pay less taxes, but it sure messed up ours. I finally convinced my wife to tell her mother to take her name off of that CD that she never signed.
A friend of mine's son had been looking for a job to play with a band as a drummer. Well, an opportunity came along with a $40,000 salary offer. He turned it down because he did not want to hurt his sister's feelings who was not employed at the time and the band did not need her. Now, he is married, has a child, and no job. A really big part of his problem is that he is a mom enmeshed man who did to him what his dad's mom did to his dad.
Ted, somehow, you are going to have to objectify your sister into someone who is breaking the law that just happens to be related to you
I know, I know, I know, It's just hard, all this mess. But Crowe, thanks again, You're one of very few people in my life who are willing to tell it like it is. And knowing that you're doing it for my benefit is the only reason it doesn't send me into some corner to hide.
rossella......you are so right about the conversations..........the thing I have caught myself doing is after speaking with my MIL, I YELL when I talk with anyone else. My hubby looks at me and asks why are you always yelling at me......and then I realize the cause. I have to ask her everyday if she has her "ears" in......oh yes I do....and do they make noise.....well no.....how long has this been going on......well I don't know.......so now I also keep track of battery changes. We have managed the heal the decub on her behind.....what's next?
Ted, yes I'm trying to help, but if you go hide in a corner, I just might have to come through the computer monitor and pull you out of there :)
Is there anyway that you can redirect this negative energy about sis, etc. to fuel you in the opposite direction? I mean like some abuse victims decide to refocus their anger into energy to create a women's abuse center or work in one or whatever that is a more positive direction. Try to pull your emotions together and focus them on what you need to do, not on how your feelings are keeping you from doing and try to objectify your sister to if you have to just someone who is breaking the law. She's already treating you like an object. So, for self-protection from her f-ing with your brain distance yourself from her emotionally by viewing her as your mom's other child, but not really your sister. Sort of the good use of what the elder brother did say about his prodigal brother by calling him 'this son of your's" to their father. Take care, keep in touch, don't lay down for your mom's other child, and protect your ass.
Jam, All there with the "Do you have your ear in?". Crazy cow likes to mess with me & make me scream. I've screamed too much of my life away & would like to be quiet now....she knows this & Fs with me over it. That and so many other things. God bless her real hard little heart. Ted, The inheritance usually is assumed by the spouse. Had your parents been divorced for the funds to be split among the siblings? Most attorneys work on a percentage of the settlement given (30%) in a lawsuit. No funds up front should be required. You will need to gather documentation & records, but you are entitled to what you are entitled to. If this woman goes to prison it is because she is a criminal.....(period). You do not need to contact her or suffer any more abuse. If she does call social services on you, you can explain the situation to the caseworker & they may bring charges against her for false accusations. Alternativesforseniors.com is a great resource in my area. They were somewhat limited in locale but may be everywhere in the states now. They can send a very comprehensive booklet for services available....some you may wish to take advantage of yourself.
Yea, my parents divorced 40 years ago. For some reason the Attorneys are all asking for a retainer before they even look at my documentation, but that's the way it is I guess. Thanks for the link I'll check it out and add it into the collection.
Ted let her go to prision I think you said she lives in NY City-maybe they will send her to Bedford there are some mean big mammams there they will straighten the little witch out fast -I had some as pt.s she will change her strips mighty fast they so not take no nonsense good luck and try to get some peace and quiet.
I am starting to think that old declining people are seen in two ways from their relatives: 1) a person that you have to take care of, because he/she's weak and needs help 2) a person that has money that he/she does not need anymore, so you have to take it away from him/her before your siblings do the same. From the 2) point of view, us, the caregivers, are looked at with a lot of suspicion by our siblings, because we are here, near the old declining parent, so we have all the opportunity to take the money away. They (the not-caring siblings) have to protect against us, who are the moneysuckers. They are always afraid that they can't "defend" themselves because we are closer to the old declining parent, so we are in a better position to take everything away from him/her. I think that they think we take care of our old declining parents not because we are good, but because we want to be closer to the source of money. Dear friends, I prefer to be bludgeoned but I prefer to belong to the 1) type. I can understand them. When a person is a liar, he thinks that everybody lies. When a person is deceitful, he thinks that everybody else is deceitful.. I "am" crazy and i "know" that everybody is crazy!
AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! No I don't think that helped me......MIL is in bitch mode tonight. Bath today went well, decub is healed but skin is tender and could break open again and won't stay off her butt. Has a 20 lb yorkie and we have been trying to explain that he needs to lose weight....vets orders! She has been marinating 2 small steaks in italian dressing for 2 wks......she ate one and fed the other to the dog. Now mind you I have spent time upon time explaining to her about health issues with her beloved pet but all I get is a sarcastic laugh with how much she knows and how stupid the rest of us are........have you ever wanted to place your fingers around the throat and squeeze? See, I still think pillow therapy should be legalized.............she will be better later when I have to wake her up off the couch and send her to bed. Thank you for allowing me to vent.......:)
Miz, I am so sorry you are unhappy and I know that you have to fight for yourself. Stay away from the dark hole and keep making those good choices that keep you safe! Thinkoftheboat!!
Jam and Castoff, they are sick and that's how this terrible disease manifests itself. don't let it suck you in. If you just say, well, I can choose to see this destructive behavior as disease related and therefor not react stressfully.
Jam, you asked 'what's next?' and I can tell you that Everything is Next. This will be the hardest thing you ever do and you can only do it from a place of love. Even if your loved one is a witch, you have to come from a place of love in order to make all of this go and to keep yourself alive.
They make it very hard to love when they are acting out because they are scared and defensive and the darkness is coming and they know it. It is our job to know it and to acknowledge it. I was the one who told my mom what was coming. At the end of the day she was the bravest person I have ever met.
My heart goes out to all of you dealing with understanding that your moms have dementia.
Miz I am so sorry you are so unhappy come and vent often and put into words your biggest fear and we will try to help-is it the dark hole try to take some action that usually helps me if it is only going out to get an ice cream by yourself-please write on my wall and I will give you support. You are a great person and deserve more tell someone off if you need to-that helped me the other day.
Thank you all so much for your comfort and caring. What would I ever do without all of you? I shudder to think.
bobbie, it's almost too hard to think of the boat cause I can't be there. Does that make sense? I know I really really need a break. The outcome of all of this is not going to be pretty because I have a sister and most of her family that have turned against me. It's all just so stressful. Everywhere I turn.
I went to the visitation and memorial service for one of my good friend's mother yesterday. I can't imagine seeing my own mom laying there in a casket. How do people get through that? And then I could not go to the funeral and luncheon cause I had to get home. The day just went down hill from there.
miz i feel for u . im in about the same boat youre in . zoom here and zoom there . gotta get home to pa ! cant go hang out with my friends over this weekend , sucks ! they all went out to eat and went to see a movie . i keep telling myself thats ok pa s more important than going out , but inside of me im bawling . for some reason now pa is getting stronger , he s trying to get up on his own . daughter came runnin in my room 4 am said pa s on the floor ! we ran in his room , uhhh yep he s on the floor all smiling gigglin grinning . i said my lord ! how u end up on the floor ? he said oh well i just got up and needed to go bathroom . daughter said gpa ! why at 4 am he said gotta get ready to go work at general motors ! gigglin . we both lift him up and took him to bathroom and fed him his bfast . now im afraid to leave his sights cuz he will try todo that again , i guess i shall start sleepin on the couch again and wake up with bad back pain . his room is too far from my room to hear him , hubby says no to baby montire cuz he needs his sleep , hubby works 12 hrs a day . wakes up 2 am to be at work , ah ok . guess my bed will be the couch , yuk ! lucky its so nice outside today i shall go drink me a beer and have a bonfire . miz screw the sibling ! close friend is best thing that ever happens in our lives . we ur close friend , wink . yes think about the boat is hard to do when u know in ur heart that;ll never happen . im telling myself that it will happen one day, one year . when pa goes to a better place , when he does ill grab ya and we go find bobbies boat . u say u live in ill ? we re the next state (neighbors) ohh lala . have a happy sunday , smile along with the sunny day and the warm air ahhh . gonna get cold and ugly on thanksgiving , oh yes speakin of thanksgivin grrrrr . think i ll be poppin alotta zannies , my mil and my bil will come weds and be my luck theyll stay till monday ! WHERE IS THAT BLACK HOLE AT ? miz life sucks ya know but we have good husband and theyre home with us all the time instead of going out whoring around so i guess we shall count our blessing . im just afraid to find the black hole this week . zannie plz ....
awww Miz. I get it that you're not here and you're scared of what's coming. get those books from b k books Seriously. They will help you tremendously. Get all 4. 3 bucks a piece. If you already have them, read them again. Break the pattern of grief and do this one thing for yourself. It really helped me so much through what I experienced with my mom. remember that I was there and you were there for me and I will be here for you.
It will happen! Believe! Tenny and Tenny, Jr were here! There's a life after this. That is my job now. to remind you that there is something fun on the other side of this period in your lives. We suffer from the anticipatory grief and then the grief from the real thing and it makes it hard to make decisions on our welfare. We are so mired in the grief. Keep venting,
Linda and Miz: we will meet on the boat! Don't worry.
Linda dear, thanks a lot for teaching me the expression "whoring around". It made me laugh for half an hour. In Italy in the same context we use the word "cazzeggiare", it is much better if I don't explain to you what it really means. The story of your father getting up in the middle of the night reminded me of another relative of mine with dementia (There are many in my family). He was the brother of my grandmother. Unlikely many people with dementia he took very good care of his hygiene and the of way he got dressed. He wake up in the middle of the night, he went to the bathroom and washed himself, he dressed up perfectly with tie and jacket and very shiny shoes, and he woke up his wife (at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning) telling her that he was going to work. (he was 85 or 86 so he surely did not work anymore). My grand-uncle Andrew.... Great man Miz, try to enjoy your mother while she is here, with all the love that you feel for her and all the concern and tiredness that she gives you. I know it is difficult, We have feelings that are so much in contradiction with each other. I spent the whole sunday with my mother (in a rainy day, so we did not go out at all) and even if I am very fond of her, I was very glad that she went to bed at nine, because if she had been awake another hour, maybe I would have used the pillow treatment upon her!!!!! Really, I risk the homicide every day.
I love you all for your kind words, empathy and encouragement. Hubby and I are getting out this evening. Goin' to a movie. Thank you, God!! It's the new Harry Potter one. I'm not into it but oh well. I'll get candy and a diet coke and enjoy. I'll write more soon. Feelin' like I'm gonna blow and I'm afraid I will do it at my doctor's office and end up in the psych ward. Oh my!!
Is it unusual for my MIL to want to buy matching outfits with me so that we can be twins????????? She has figured out that she can call and order things on the phone now.....that is my fault for giving her some catalogs to look at. A few months ago I bought her several outfits and some jeans.....she has not worn them.....she is now buying clothing that she will NEVER wear. I went to her closet and had her try on a few things to show her they do not fit anymore......she insists that I just give her a safety pin to make things fit. Her only daughter passed away in 2008 and her granddaughters gave her some of her daughters clothes and she wants to wear them.......MIL is a med. top, 14 bottom (only because of diapers) daughters clothes are 22W. Am I the idiot for telling her she can't wear them? I took them away from her.......especially the shiny silver jeans....OMG!!!!!!!! It makes me feel creepy that she wants to wear the clothes......but she says her world ended when her "baby" died. She has to be reminded she still has a son, and this "wonderful" daughter treated her like s**t. guess dementia does come in handy sometimes. But I WILL NOT dress like her.....:) Thank you again for allowing me to vent......
What a bewildering situation you're stuck with, Jam! How can you ever come out unscathed? You VENT on, Lady! This thread has relieved so many of us ... we even find humor! Wish I had something fun & inspirational to add, just not my day for it. Too much stupid cleaning to do, etc etc.
I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't take her credit card away from her.......all of her utilities are tied into ours so I just pay everything then take a third every month as hers and at the end of the month transfer the amt from her checking to ours. She still has insurance to pay because she still owns her former residence, and her credit card bill, but I pay all her bills online. Until this latest fiasco, all she used her card for was groceries......she would buy $200 worth of groceries that would sit in the fridge and mold or rot.....then she would have to go again. Her cabinets are overflowing with food. I can pick up items for her......when she goes it's a 2 hr ordeal of her looking at all the pretty cans and bottles and buying things she does not need. But boy can she find the alcohol aisle and gets really pissy when you make her put the bottle of gin back on the shelf......:) I guess my question is...should we talk about taking her credit card?
good point. Ick! The alcohol factor is never easy. Would she get really pissy if you took her card away? Not worth a fight. Maybe somehow change the credit line to $100 so she will still feel power yet be unable & hoefully embarrassed to have it denied. Good luck ... I don't envy you
Good idea about changing the credit line......right now I think it's indecently high. My hubby and I both have POA for her. You should have seen the fight when we said no to the "winkies". This 86 yr old woman has worn individual false lashes caked with black mascara for almost her whole life. You should have seen the waitress' face one day in Red Lobster.....was staring at MIL and when I looked there is this big black blob on her cheekbone where parts of the lashes had fallen off and I also noticed she had pink lipstick "blush" on one cheek!!!!! That was back when she still lived alone, NEVER bathed, washed her face, or took those damn spiders off her eyes. I'm sorry to say I almost choked I was laughing so hard................now she is forbidden from wearing them......haven't taken the mascara away yet.....waiting until it drys up then no more for her. When I see pics of her as a young lady I am stunned........she was beautiful.....that may be why her husband proposed on their first date......she was also used as one of the models for the "Rosie the Riveter" poster during WWII. It's amazing what the years take away. I'm feeling better now......and this glass of rum and coke ain't hurtin either.......:)
If the credit card is in any way hooked up to you or your husband you need to get that changed see a lawyer my late husband left me in a mess when he died I was responsible for all his debts so asap get things changed if they are in her name you could call the credit card companies and tell them her mental condition and they will for sure take the card away esp. if you tell them her age and that you will not be responsible for the charges a lawyer may have to do that but please do it or you could very well be stuck paying her bills-the card companies do not play fair.
Yum ... Rum & Coke! My first intoxicant in High School. Didn't even puke! (took wine or that) Now it's advanced formula is the stuff they are taking off the powerful stuff off market! ... if kids only knew that R&C is basically the same ... cheaper & easier to control.
Your MIL sounds like a kick. Not someone I'd dare live with ... I made a mistake earlier in this thread suggesting creating a comic strip about care giving & the people we tend to. *comics can be light or dark ... the other person was highly offended for his own reasons.
You're subject sounds amazing! Hard to believe the theatrics continue at her age!!!
"What a Nightmare!!!". SO sorry! Another topic is a reality show about care giving. It's about time ... Your MIL might love the spot light. Several of us have contacted the media with ZIP response. Think you could crack the entertainment reality TV shell?
Gotta make this short...hubby is hungry. Instead of Hungry Hungry Hippo, it's hungry hungry hubby! Hope everybody is having a great evening!
Miz, I hope that you're feeling better today since you got to go out to the movie! Good mini-vacations! Please keep posting & venting & don't keep things bottled up, OK?? OK! You're a sweetheart & we're here for you!
Jam, just a thought...your MIL wanting the two of you to dress alike is about the same as her wanting to wear her daughter's clothes & maybe that's her way of telling you that she loves you?!?! What if you picked out or helped her to pick out maybe 2 outfits alike or alike, but different colors, would that work? I think it's a compliment that she wants you to dress alike...almost like a little girl wanting to dress like her big sister & that may help ease her into not wanting to wear her daughter's clothes that are way too large for her. I think Rip had a good idea about making her credit card limit small so she could still feel like she's in charge of part of her life, but not be able to over spend. You guys could sit down together & pick out an outfit together & let her buy the matching outfit...Hope it works out good for you!
Ted hope you're feeling better! Respite time coming! Time to kick the sister's booty! Let the chips fall where they may! Let her be responsible for her actions!
castoff, everything's gonna be OK!
Bobbie, great to hear from our captain! Thanks for always being there for each of us, especially when you see that we're at a low point! You're a great leader!
I'm scared to try to mention individual names because I don't want to leave out anybody, but just know that you're ALL in my thoughts & prayers every day! When you feel like you're all alone in this mess please look up in the sky & see either the sun or the moon & know that it's the same one that your online family are seeing...makes things a little smaller & your online family not seem quite so far away. I've been doing this & it does help! Love y'all...
Gotta make this short...hubby is hungry. Instead of Hungry Hungry Hippo, it's hungry hungry hubby! Hope everybody is having a great evening!
Miz, I hope that you're feeling better today since you got to go out to the movie! Good mini-vacations! Please keep posting & venting & don't keep things bottled up, OK?? OK! You're a sweetheart & we're here for you!
Jam, just a thought...your MIL wanting the two of you to dress alike is about the same as her wanting to wear her daughter's clothes & maybe that's her way of telling you that she loves you?!?! What if you picked out or helped her to pick out maybe 2 outfits alike or alike, but different colors, would that work? I think it's a compliment that she wants you to dress alike...almost like a little girl wanting to dress like her big sister & that may help ease her into not wanting to wear her daughter's clothes that are way too large for her. I think Rip had a good idea about making her credit card limit small so she could still feel like she's in charge of part of her life, but not be able to over spend. You guys could sit down together & pick out an outfit together & let her buy the matching outfit...Hope it works out good for you!
Ted hope you're feeling better! Respite time coming! Time to kick the sister's booty! Let the chips fall where they may! Let her be responsible for her actions!
castoff, everything's gonna be OK!
Bobbie, great to hear from our captain! Thanks for always being there for each of us, especially when you see that we're at a low point! You're a great leader!
I'm scared to try to mention individual names because I don't want to leave out anybody, but just know that you're ALL in my thoughts & prayers every day! When you feel like you're all alone in this mess please look up in the sky & see either the sun or the moon & know that it's the same one that your online family are seeing...makes things a little smaller & your online family not seem quite so far away. I've been doing this & it does help! Love y'all...
Think I will call credit card company tomorrow and see what we can do. I'm afraid she is going to start charging things that she absolutely has no business buying. Thank goodness her little house is only an extension, so all mail and deliveries come through me first.
Yes Jam, solve the problem of the credit card as soon as possible. It is incredible the mess they can do with money. I have already been there. And I think that if she wants to wear her daughter's clothes, maybe you should help her. Even if she was not nice to her, she was always her daughter. Can't you pick up some that she particularly loves and adapt them to her size? Maybe it is important to her. And, in the same way, I would allow her to dress like you, if she likes. I don't take my mother to the supermarket anymore. Too dangerous. She steals things... No, no more
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"worry what my sister is doing might land her in prison." Yes, and a therapist years ago in a mental hospital told my wife that from the stories my wife told her about her mother's financial lifestyle that her mom belonged in prison. That was a tough pill to swallow but it is true. For example she forged my wife's name on a $10,000 CD and thus we became liable for the tax. All this really was a way for her mother to pay less taxes, but it sure messed up ours. I finally convinced my wife to tell her mother to take her name off of that CD that she never signed.
A friend of mine's son had been looking for a job to play with a band as a drummer. Well, an opportunity came along with a $40,000 salary offer. He turned it down because he did not want to hurt his sister's feelings who was not employed at the time and the band did not need her. Now, he is married, has a child, and no job. A really big part of his problem is that he is a mom enmeshed man who did to him what his dad's mom did to his dad.
Ted, somehow, you are going to have to objectify your sister into someone who is breaking the law that just happens to be related to you
But Crowe, thanks again, You're one of very few people in my life who are willing to tell it like it is. And knowing that you're doing it for my benefit is the only reason it doesn't send me into some corner to hide.
Is there anyway that you can redirect this negative energy about sis, etc. to fuel you in the opposite direction? I mean like some abuse victims decide to refocus their anger into energy to create a women's abuse center or work in one or whatever that is a more positive direction. Try to pull your emotions together and focus them on what you need to do, not on how your feelings are keeping you from doing and try to objectify your sister to if you have to just someone who is breaking the law. She's already treating you like an object. So, for self-protection from her f-ing with your brain distance yourself from her emotionally by viewing her as your mom's other child, but not really your sister. Sort of the good use of what the elder brother did say about his prodigal brother by calling him 'this son of your's" to their father. Take care, keep in touch, don't lay down for your mom's other child, and protect your ass.
Ted, The inheritance usually is assumed by the spouse. Had your parents been divorced for the funds to be split among the siblings? Most attorneys work on a percentage of the settlement given (30%) in a lawsuit. No funds up front should be required. You will need to gather documentation & records, but you are entitled to what you are entitled to. If this woman goes to prison it is because she is a criminal.....(period). You do not need to contact her or suffer any more abuse. If she does call social services on you, you can explain the situation to the caseworker & they may bring charges against her for false accusations.
Alternativesforseniors.com is a great resource in my area. They were somewhat limited in locale but may be everywhere in the states now. They can send a very comprehensive booklet for services available....some you may wish to take advantage of yourself.
GOD bless, favor & protect us.
Thanks for the link I'll check it out and add it into the collection.
1) a person that you have to take care of, because he/she's weak and needs help
2) a person that has money that he/she does not need anymore, so you have to take it away from him/her before your siblings do the same.
From the 2) point of view, us, the caregivers, are looked at with a lot of suspicion by our siblings, because we are here, near the old declining parent, so we have all the opportunity to take the money away. They (the not-caring siblings) have to protect against us, who are the moneysuckers. They are always afraid that they can't "defend" themselves because we are closer to the old declining parent, so we are in a better position to take everything away from him/her. I think that they think we take care of our old declining parents not because we are good, but because we want to be closer to the source of money.
Dear friends, I prefer to be bludgeoned but I prefer to belong to the 1) type.
I can understand them. When a person is a liar, he thinks that everybody lies. When a person is deceitful, he thinks that everybody else is deceitful..
I "am" crazy and i "know" that everybody is crazy!
Rosella, excellent point.
Miz, I am so sorry you are unhappy and I know that you have to fight for yourself. Stay away from the dark hole and keep making those good choices that keep you safe! Thinkoftheboat!!
Jam and Castoff, they are sick and that's how this terrible disease manifests itself. don't let it suck you in. If you just say, well, I can choose to see this destructive behavior as disease related and therefor not react stressfully.
Jam, you asked 'what's next?' and I can tell you that Everything is Next.
This will be the hardest thing you ever do and you can only do it from a place of love. Even if your loved one is a witch, you have to come from a place of love in order to make all of this go and to keep yourself alive.
They make it very hard to love when they are acting out because they are scared and defensive and the darkness is coming and they know it.
It is our job to know it and to acknowledge it.
I was the one who told my mom what was coming. At the end of the day she was the bravest person I have ever met.
My heart goes out to all of you dealing with understanding that your moms have dementia.
We are here for you and keep venting.
Thinkoftheboat.
lovbob
bobbie, it's almost too hard to think of the boat cause I can't be there. Does that make sense? I know I really really need a break. The outcome of all of this is not going to be pretty because I have a sister and most of her family that have turned against me. It's all just so stressful. Everywhere I turn.
I went to the visitation and memorial service for one of my good friend's mother yesterday. I can't imagine seeing my own mom laying there in a casket. How do people get through that? And then I could not go to the funeral and luncheon cause I had to get home. The day just went down hill from there.
love,
miz
zoom here and zoom there . gotta get home to pa !
cant go hang out with my friends over this weekend , sucks ! they all went out to eat and went to see a movie . i keep telling myself thats ok pa s more important than going out , but inside of me im bawling .
for some reason now pa is getting stronger , he s trying to get up on his own . daughter came runnin in my room 4 am said pa s on the floor ! we ran in his room , uhhh yep he s on the floor all smiling gigglin grinning . i said my lord ! how u end up on the floor ? he said oh well i just got up and needed to go bathroom . daughter said gpa ! why at 4 am he said gotta get ready to go work at general motors ! gigglin .
we both lift him up and took him to bathroom and fed him his bfast . now im afraid to leave his sights cuz he will try todo that again , i guess i shall start sleepin on the couch again and wake up with bad back pain . his room is too far from my room to hear him , hubby says no to baby montire cuz he needs his sleep , hubby works 12 hrs a day . wakes up 2 am to be at work , ah ok . guess my bed will be the couch , yuk !
lucky its so nice outside today i shall go drink me a beer and have a bonfire .
miz screw the sibling ! close friend is best thing that ever happens in our lives . we ur close friend , wink .
yes think about the boat is hard to do when u know in ur heart that;ll never happen . im telling myself that it will happen one day, one year . when pa goes to a better place ,
when he does ill grab ya and we go find bobbies boat . u say u live in ill ? we re the next state (neighbors) ohh lala .
have a happy sunday , smile along with the sunny day and the warm air ahhh . gonna get cold and ugly on thanksgiving ,
oh yes speakin of thanksgivin grrrrr . think i ll be poppin alotta zannies , my mil and my bil will come weds and be my luck theyll stay till monday ! WHERE IS THAT BLACK HOLE AT ?
miz life sucks ya know but we have good husband and theyre home with us all the time instead of going out whoring around so i guess we shall count our blessing .
im just afraid to find the black hole this week . zannie plz ....
I get it that you're not here and you're scared of what's coming.
get those books from b k books
Seriously. They will help you tremendously.
Get all 4. 3 bucks a piece.
If you already have them, read them again.
Break the pattern of grief and do this one thing for yourself.
It really helped me so much through what I experienced with my mom.
remember that I was there and you were there for me and I will be here for you.
lovbob
It will happen! Believe!
Tenny and Tenny, Jr were here!
There's a life after this. That is my job now. to remind you that there is something fun on the other side of this period in your lives.
We suffer from the anticipatory grief and then the grief from the real thing and it makes it hard to make decisions on our welfare. We are so mired in the grief.
Keep venting,
Linda and Miz: we will meet on the boat! Don't worry.
lovbob
The story of your father getting up in the middle of the night reminded me of another relative of mine with dementia (There are many in my family). He was the brother of my grandmother. Unlikely many people with dementia he took very good care of his hygiene and the of way he got dressed. He wake up in the middle of the night, he went to the bathroom and washed himself, he dressed up perfectly with tie and jacket and very shiny shoes, and he woke up his wife (at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning) telling her that he was going to work. (he was 85 or 86 so he surely did not work anymore). My grand-uncle Andrew.... Great man
Miz, try to enjoy your mother while she is here, with all the love that you feel for her and all the concern and tiredness that she gives you. I know it is difficult, We have feelings that are so much in contradiction with each other. I spent the whole sunday with my mother (in a rainy day, so we did not go out at all) and even if I am very fond of her, I was very glad that she went to bed at nine, because if she had been awake another hour, maybe I would have used the pillow treatment upon her!!!!! Really, I risk the homicide every day.
love,
miz
You VENT on, Lady! This thread has relieved so many of us ... we even find humor!
Wish I had something fun & inspirational to add, just not my day for it. Too much stupid cleaning to do, etc etc.
Would she get really pissy if you took her card away?
Not worth a fight.
Maybe somehow change the credit line to $100 so she will still feel power yet be unable & hoefully embarrassed to have it denied.
Good luck ... I don't envy you
... if kids only knew that R&C is basically the same ...
cheaper & easier to control.
Your MIL sounds like a kick. Not someone I'd dare live with ... I made a mistake earlier in this thread suggesting creating a comic strip about care giving & the people we tend to.
*comics can be light or dark ... the other person was highly offended for his own reasons.
You're subject sounds amazing! Hard to believe the theatrics continue at her age!!!
"What a Nightmare!!!". SO sorry!
Another topic is a reality show about care giving. It's about time ... Your MIL might love the spot light.
Several of us have contacted the media with ZIP response.
Think you could crack the entertainment reality TV shell?
Hope everybody is having a great evening!
Miz, I hope that you're feeling better today since you got to go out to the movie! Good mini-vacations! Please keep posting & venting & don't keep things bottled up, OK?? OK! You're a sweetheart & we're here for you!
Jam, just a thought...your MIL wanting the two of you to dress alike is about the same as her wanting to wear her daughter's clothes & maybe that's her way of telling you that she loves you?!?! What if you picked out or helped her to pick out maybe 2 outfits alike or alike, but different colors, would that work? I think it's a compliment that she wants you to dress alike...almost like a little girl wanting to dress like her big sister & that may help ease her into not wanting to wear her daughter's clothes that are way too large for her. I think Rip had a good idea about making her credit card limit small so she could still feel like she's in charge of part of her life, but not be able to over spend. You guys could sit down together & pick out an outfit together & let her buy the matching outfit...Hope it works out good for you!
Ted hope you're feeling better! Respite time coming! Time to kick the sister's booty! Let the chips fall where they may! Let her be responsible for her actions!
castoff, everything's gonna be OK!
Bobbie, great to hear from our captain! Thanks for always being there for each of us, especially when you see that we're at a low point! You're a great leader!
I'm scared to try to mention individual names because I don't want to leave out anybody, but just know that you're ALL in my thoughts & prayers every day! When you feel like you're all alone in this mess please look up in the sky & see either the sun or the moon & know that it's the same one that your online family are seeing...makes things a little smaller & your online family not seem quite so far away. I've been doing this & it does help! Love y'all...
Hope everybody is having a great evening!
Miz, I hope that you're feeling better today since you got to go out to the movie! Good mini-vacations! Please keep posting & venting & don't keep things bottled up, OK?? OK! You're a sweetheart & we're here for you!
Jam, just a thought...your MIL wanting the two of you to dress alike is about the same as her wanting to wear her daughter's clothes & maybe that's her way of telling you that she loves you?!?! What if you picked out or helped her to pick out maybe 2 outfits alike or alike, but different colors, would that work? I think it's a compliment that she wants you to dress alike...almost like a little girl wanting to dress like her big sister & that may help ease her into not wanting to wear her daughter's clothes that are way too large for her. I think Rip had a good idea about making her credit card limit small so she could still feel like she's in charge of part of her life, but not be able to over spend. You guys could sit down together & pick out an outfit together & let her buy the matching outfit...Hope it works out good for you!
Ted hope you're feeling better! Respite time coming! Time to kick the sister's booty! Let the chips fall where they may! Let her be responsible for her actions!
castoff, everything's gonna be OK!
Bobbie, great to hear from our captain! Thanks for always being there for each of us, especially when you see that we're at a low point! You're a great leader!
I'm scared to try to mention individual names because I don't want to leave out anybody, but just know that you're ALL in my thoughts & prayers every day! When you feel like you're all alone in this mess please look up in the sky & see either the sun or the moon & know that it's the same one that your online family are seeing...makes things a little smaller & your online family not seem quite so far away. I've been doing this & it does help! Love y'all...
I don't take my mother to the supermarket anymore. Too dangerous. She steals things... No, no more