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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Just snuck out for a walk before mom wakes up, it's 22 degrees out, though, I was desperate. Saw to guys working on a roof and also two guys out digging Quohogs. Crazy people around here! My homework for today is to force myself to call the cna I used to have and see if she can work 3 days x 2 hrs. I ate at Joes Crab Shack in San Diego once. The waitstaff sang and danced. Kinda scary! Silver balls? Deck the halls with silver balls.
ARRRGH. Just got off the phone with AARP, Mom has been paying on a Hospital Indemnity plan that pays her cash for every day she is in the hospital since 1987 and I didn't know about it, she didn't remember it, and we could have used it many times. So, I'm having them send any and all info on mom that they have, and I'm gonna do the same with her pension people.
rip, I'm thinkin' Joe's Crab Shack is in Florida. Not sure though. I could be wrong. I would love a "Bite Me" shirt also. Should be our uniform for all the flack some of us get/take.
NEWS: My mom has taken a letter of resignation to work today. She is giving her two week's notice. She said she has been thinking about it a while now and the situation with my foot and how snippy they were that she had to use up her sick leave, all three days of it sort of miffed her I think. Considering she has always been an ideal employee, I think it took some gall to call her on the time off for a family emergency ( like she can plan them) considering her excellent work history, lack of tardiness and putting up with a lot of BS in general...Save money on cabs. She asked Grandpa to help out more financially...and being as he still puts money into his savings every month I don't think this will be a problem. fact is he saves money by being here. If he was in a nursing home...he would be paying $4,000 to $6,000 a month easy! This IS what the money was for right? My mom is 62, so she is taking early retirement. She feels she really just needs to be here, and she does...Between grandpas increasing needs my injury, Our dog getting feebly old, the weather, and just being tired and worn out, it was time to go. It is scary but I agree, and I have hated her going to work for years. I am a sap, but I just want my mother home I guess...Maybe when my ankle is batter I will look for part time work someplace...why the hell not. I have no money...No goals...No clue, may as well work to eat and pay med bills and replace ripped up clothing...
Sounds like a good idea, you should have somewhat of a life of your own. But ask your mom to carefully consider the difference in benefits between taking Social Security now and waiting. Friends of mine have regretted not waiting a few years more to claim it.
I think she has thought about it a lot and though worried, she feels it is time to go. She says she is old and tired and worn out. She has a background in social services and law so it isn't an un thought out or un-educated decision...
jsomebody , that is a wonderful news ! yes when ur ankle gets better u shall get out and start working to earn enuff for ur retirement when u get up there old age . meeting new people and making new friends will do u some good , sitting at home all the time is makin me sick , i have no enegry i just dont want to do anything anymore . but then i count my blessing to be at home not having to deal with anybody other than my dad and my lit family , its all g ood , i shall kick my hindend and go clean , only i wish i had bobbie s coffee . xoxoxo
I'm new to this forum and I can't thank you all enough for what I've read here. I was having a particularly bad day yesterday, full of frustration and then I happened upon this site. It wasn't long before I was actually laughing, reading some of the posts and feeling that, for once, I wasn't alone.
The story about spraying the person who refused to bathe with Febreeze was priceless! I too get grossed out dealing with my 82-year-old mother who I was never particularly close to, and am now the primary caregiver. She bathes infrequently, often spreads crap around the bathroom, and wears clothes that are dirty and stained. She's an embarrassment and fights me at every turn. When my father and I complain about her sloppiness in the bathroom, she calls us "too fussy."
She does not care about cleanliness at all and never washes her hands and will sit with crap in her pants rather than change to a clean pair of underwear. Needless to say, I won't let her anywhere near the kitchen during food preparation.
She has just given up and that's really hard to deal with. I can't just let her sit in the chair all day and die, but that's what I think she wants. She hasn't had her dentures out for cleaning in God knows how long. The dentures don't fit properly and she cannot chew meat enough to safely swallow. So she chews the meat and then spits it out. I cringed when we were all out to dinner in a nice restaurant with friends and she bent over the plate and spit out the meat!
After reading some of the posts and articles on this site, I realize that it's not her fault – her mind is going – but it's hard to have patience. I'm striving for compassion but it's a daily battle. I so appreciate having a place to vent among others who are experiencing the same thing. Thank you all!
meow...I consider it a sort of vent central myself...And we go through a lot of air fresheners around here....The whole thing is insane. One fastidious loved ones content to live and sit in filth is beyond me...and I hope it remains so. Quantity of life rather than quality has made an industry out of prolonging the stage of life when one is almost an infant again, only not as cute recalcitrant and still aware they once had authority. I think this is why nursing homes were invented...who wants to live like this...who wants to watch.....
Cat, WECOME! I believe this site, this thread in particular, has improved my day-to-day life tremendously. I LAUGH at things now! Lotsa things, like my mom's newfound interest in nudism, or the fact that I have been sitting here all morning listening to the cartoons and Sesame Street that she's been watching (She is a life-long member of MENSA) and especially at myself. so grab a life ring, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
thecatmeows , !!! welcome to this site ! you must have read the whole thing ! bobbie talking about febreeze is long ways back ! bless your heart , sometimes we have to fight with stinky elders , stinkin just so bad , dad used to fight with me then he realize it doesnt do any good cuz i just reach in his mouth and grab them dentures . now he cant wear them cuz he doesnt know how to suck the denture up in place . falls down falls out , spent 1800. on upper denture last summer and he cant even wear it ! this fall i found a place where its only 400 for whole thing ! only wish i took him there in the first place . forget it now . 87 yrs old doesnt swallow good anymore so its soft food from now on . sounds like ure a cat lover . as most of us are animal lovers , keep in touch its a best place tobe at gross out vent out ! thanks to bobbie our caption ! xoxo meow meow ..
meow....hang in there. I'm rather new to the site too. And addicted because everyone has been very supportive and helpful to me. My deadbeat siblings left me with both parents to care for. Dad's an angry, crazy nut and Mom can't change her own behavior to meet his needs. Emotional abuse for sure. Them on each other and both of them on me. They expect me to be their marriage counselor. No thank you!, I said. It's a nightmare and so overwhelming. Continue to seek out help at every turn. It will save you. There's an angel out there for all of us. There are quite a few right here.
I know I'm going to be an avid follower of this thread, that's for sure. It was so nice to finally laugh. I honestly thought that my mother's issues were unique, had no idea that what she's doing is actually common!
Sounds like some of you are far more comfortable with the cleaning routine than I am. I am so grossed out by my mother's mouth that I can't fathom going in and yanking out the dentures to clean them. There are just some places I cannot go.
You are right, we have to laugh. It is necessary for mental health. I read an article here last night about the elderly mind. I didn't realize that my mother, even though she appears "here," may be really mentally living years back.
Years ago my father admitted that he and my mother had not had sex in years (okay, a little too much information, but the poor guy had to tell somebody I guess). I know for a fact that they never resumed it either. So today, while my mother was out getting her hair done, my father told me that the other day my mother came out and said, "We need to talk." He was shocked that should would even say that, then he asked her what they needed to talk about, and she said sex!
My father didn't pursue the conversation with her, because, at this point, he's lost interest due to her problems with cleanliness (can't blame him a bit). But now I know that her mind might be thinking it's 20 years ago! If she realized where she was today, she never would have said that!
Hello meow, welcome to this "cage aux folles" and cat/dog lovers. I am very blue at the moment, so I keep my brain busy with very important questions as far as the English language is concerned.: Does the expression "needless to say" mean that you can't stitch because you don't have the tools? Is really the "is cream" the noisest dessert in the world? If a person inspires you, do you breath better, after? I am reading all your posts, people, and I would like to tell you many things, but I'm too tired to do it. I hope to recover my usual shape in a few days (?months?) (?years?) (?centuries?) (?eons?)
BTW, Meow, I have the increasing impression that we (caregivers) are the photocopy of one another and our aged relatives are the photocopy of one another, and our relationship with them is a photocopy, (the photocopy of a photocopy is a photocopy). There is a math formula: poo/pee+ our mind = to freak out. If you have read my last two posts you will understand that my level of freaking out is quite high...
The cat welcome to this great group we are a family-but not a normal family we like each other and laugh and crey-mostly laugh and sometimes disagree and sometime argue but mostly laugh and support each other-I have been here since spring of 08 and even though my husband died about 1 and 1/2 yrs. ago I had so many friends here I keep coming back and at time can be a little help for others as they make this journey of caregiving-first of all ask and accept help do not be so proud that you say oh no I am handling things fine because people will think they never have to help if you refuse at first and when I did ask for help they did not take me seriously-just venting can make it possible to go on at times.
meow .. when dad first came here to stay i didnt know that we could buy gloves off the counter , thought hospital and doc s office only carrys them oops wrong .. i cry everytime i had to clean dad up cuz poop would always land on my hand , and i just get so gross out but didnt have any choice but to wash my hands for the longest time . now i buy those lovely godsend gloves and handle whatever needs to be handled and when im done the lovely gloves goes in the trash . i still wash my hands anyway . use gloves and u wont be gross out as much , maybe u ll be able to clean ur mom up real good with those gloves and yank those nasty dentures out . took dad out for a joy ride few hrs ago , he kept sayin i gotta go i gotta go to work oh i gotta go car shopping , got tired of hearing it . so load him up in the van all by myself , told him he s gotta help me out and boy he did . went to kfc got him a bowl of yummies then he wanted a sandwhich so went to white catsle and got him pulled pork sandwhich , happy camper he was till he realize we were headin for home , told him nana we ll go see amy ( my daughter) . pulled up in her drive way while he says hi to her and while i step outside tp smoke a quicke ciggy then told him its sure is getting colder out we best head home , he agrees , so now he s nappin . lol think i ll take one too . xoxox
lhardebeck - thanks for the welcome! Much appreciated. I'm on every day now. Maybe like you, the situation caring for them levels off somedays then you have a new issue to deal with, and you're ready to jump out the window. I have a very supportive family (my husband and kids). And as for my useless siblings, what goes around, comes around. I have a question for the group: does anyone have BOTH parents they are caring for? Peace out...
no not both , as far as i know anybody i talk to on this thread is caring for one parent , while back theres few that just lost thier parent but still come back and talks to us , we became friends and we be lost without em . bless your heart for caring 2 parent ! lord ! thank god for supportive hubby and kids , i know mine is ! my husbands mother has alz real bad but her other son is caring for her , i dont think i can handle her . hubby knows how she is , shes real sweet buts she s sneaky and a thief and stinks . too much hairspray and too much purfume , kills my sinus and i get blasted headache migrian and im just totaly sick . cant breath ! she was here for thanksgiving and lord behold i cant smell my dinner ! was glad she got in to her son s face about going home , it was non stop and finaly he said ok ok we go ! whew !!! i thought they were going to stay all week ! but they stayed few days . yippy !! bless your heart for caring both parents , i admire you ! xoxox
instead of jumping out of the window , just hop on this , :-) yes ure right what goes around comes back around . thats my moms fav saying ! she passed away 64 yrs old cancer . 21 yrs ago , i miss my mommy .
I need my mommy...Man this just keep getting better. I am in a ankle boot, I have no transportation, fart pants is at ADH and due to come home at 3:00 My Pug Monty now blind and deaf and diabetic is no having trouble peeing and we know he has a stone in his bladder...I have called a cab, to come get us at 2:15. I will have to drop him off and be home so fart Pants won't be alone and do something STUUPID! Then wait for mom to get home 4:00 and go back to vet for the official appointment?!!!!! Did I mention I need a bath and now just don't care!!! I am so addled I could puke! I was gonna pray but when I do things get worse so I will just handle it MYSELF~!!!!!!!!! I debated calling mom at work but she has been hassled by them for last weeks emergency (is this one?) and gave her resignation this morning so I will TAKE FART PANTS MONEY AND GO MYSELF AND COME BACK !!! HE can pay for it, HE can afford it. HE has more money in his checking account than my mom has made in 3 years!!! BITE ME OLD MAN!!!!
GOD, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO ME BUT LEAVE MY LITTLE DOG ALONE!!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My homework for today is to force myself to call the cna I used to have and see if she can work 3 days x 2 hrs.
I ate at Joes Crab Shack in San Diego once. The waitstaff sang and danced. Kinda scary!
Silver balls? Deck the halls with silver balls.
xoxoxo
The story about spraying the person who refused to bathe with Febreeze was priceless! I too get grossed out dealing with my 82-year-old mother who I was never particularly close to, and am now the primary caregiver. She bathes infrequently, often spreads crap around the bathroom, and wears clothes that are dirty and stained. She's an embarrassment and fights me at every turn. When my father and I complain about her sloppiness in the bathroom, she calls us "too fussy."
She does not care about cleanliness at all and never washes her hands and will sit with crap in her pants rather than change to a clean pair of underwear. Needless to say, I won't let her anywhere near the kitchen during food preparation.
She has just given up and that's really hard to deal with. I can't just let her sit in the chair all day and die, but that's what I think she wants. She hasn't had her dentures out for cleaning in God knows how long. The dentures don't fit properly and she cannot chew meat enough to safely swallow. So she chews the meat and then spits it out. I cringed when we were all out to dinner in a nice restaurant with friends and she bent over the plate and spit out the meat!
After reading some of the posts and articles on this site, I realize that it's not her fault – her mind is going – but it's hard to have patience. I'm striving for compassion but it's a daily battle. I so appreciate having a place to vent among others who are experiencing the same thing. Thank you all!
I believe this site, this thread in particular, has improved my day-to-day life tremendously. I LAUGH at things now! Lotsa things, like my mom's newfound interest in nudism, or the fact that I have been sitting here all morning listening to the cartoons and Sesame Street that she's been watching (She is a life-long member of MENSA) and especially at myself.
so grab a life ring, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
bless your heart , sometimes we have to fight with stinky elders , stinkin just so bad ,
dad used to fight with me then he realize it doesnt do any good cuz i just reach in his mouth and grab them dentures . now he cant wear them cuz he doesnt know how to suck the denture up in place . falls down falls out , spent 1800. on upper denture last summer and he cant even wear it ! this fall i found a place where its only 400 for whole thing ! only wish i took him there in the first place . forget it now . 87 yrs old doesnt swallow good anymore so its soft food from now on .
sounds like ure a cat lover . as most of us are animal lovers ,
keep in touch its a best place tobe at gross out vent out ! thanks to bobbie our caption ! xoxo meow meow ..
Sounds like some of you are far more comfortable with the cleaning routine than I am. I am so grossed out by my mother's mouth that I can't fathom going in and yanking out the dentures to clean them. There are just some places I cannot go.
You are right, we have to laugh. It is necessary for mental health. I read an article here last night about the elderly mind. I didn't realize that my mother, even though she appears "here," may be really mentally living years back.
Years ago my father admitted that he and my mother had not had sex in years (okay, a little too much information, but the poor guy had to tell somebody I guess). I know for a fact that they never resumed it either. So today, while my mother was out getting her hair done, my father told me that the other day my mother came out and said, "We need to talk." He was shocked that should would even say that, then he asked her what they needed to talk about, and she said sex!
My father didn't pursue the conversation with her, because, at this point, he's lost interest due to her problems with cleanliness (can't blame him a bit). But now I know that her mind might be thinking it's 20 years ago! If she realized where she was today, she never would have said that!
I am very blue at the moment, so I keep my brain busy with very important questions as far as the English language is concerned.:
Does the expression "needless to say" mean that you can't stitch because you don't have the tools?
Is really the "is cream" the noisest dessert in the world?
If a person inspires you, do you breath better, after?
I am reading all your posts, people, and I would like to tell you many things, but I'm too tired to do it. I hope to recover my usual shape in a few days (?months?) (?years?) (?centuries?) (?eons?)
poo/pee+ our mind = to freak out.
If you have read my last two posts you will understand that my level of freaking out is quite high...
use gloves and u wont be gross out as much , maybe u ll be able to clean ur mom up real good with those gloves and yank those nasty dentures out .
took dad out for a joy ride few hrs ago , he kept sayin i gotta go i gotta go to work oh i gotta go car shopping , got tired of hearing it . so load him up in the van all by myself , told him he s gotta help me out and boy he did . went to kfc got him a bowl of yummies then he wanted a sandwhich so went to white catsle and got him pulled pork sandwhich , happy camper he was till he realize we were headin for home , told him nana we ll go see amy ( my daughter) . pulled up in her drive way while he says hi to her and while i step outside tp smoke a quicke ciggy then told him its sure is getting colder out we best head home , he agrees , so now he s nappin . lol think i ll take one too . xoxox
keep comin back for more gross out and ventin out .
we are faimly here not no siblings .
xoxo
bless your heart for caring 2 parent ! lord ! thank god for supportive hubby and kids , i know mine is ! my husbands mother has alz real bad but her other son is caring for her , i dont think i can handle her . hubby knows how she is , shes real sweet buts she s sneaky and a thief and stinks . too much hairspray and too much purfume , kills my sinus and i get blasted headache migrian and im just totaly sick . cant breath ! she was here for thanksgiving and lord behold i cant smell my dinner ! was glad she got in to her son s face about going home , it was non stop and finaly he said ok ok we go ! whew !!! i thought they were going to stay all week ! but they stayed few days . yippy !!
bless your heart for caring both parents , i admire you !
xoxox
yes ure right what goes around comes back around . thats my moms fav saying ! she passed away 64 yrs old cancer . 21 yrs ago , i miss my mommy .
Did I mention I need a bath and now just don't care!!! I am so addled I could puke! I was gonna pray but when I do things get worse so I will just handle it MYSELF~!!!!!!!!!
I debated calling mom at work but she has been hassled by them for last weeks emergency (is this one?) and gave her resignation this morning so I will TAKE FART PANTS MONEY AND GO MYSELF AND COME BACK !!! HE can pay for it, HE can afford it. HE has more money in his checking account than my mom has made in 3 years!!! BITE ME OLD MAN!!!!
GOD, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO ME BUT LEAVE MY LITTLE DOG ALONE!!!!