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before dad came to stay with us , i told my husband i want dad to have his own bathroom . we tore out the closet and made that into his own bathroom . that way nobody s standing in line waiting to use a toilet . and nobodys afraid to sit on a toilet , dad has his own bathroom and has handicap rails and a high toilet (handicap toilet) . walk in shower too , i am soo glad i thought of it . other wise we all be runnin outside to find a corner to pee . elders takes a long time in bathroom and all the mess to clean up . its not so bad cuz i have to stay in the bathrom with dad . i wipe and clean him cuz he cant do it , he tried to wipe his own and lean over so far and wham he fell right on the floor , whoa a hellva black eye he got . i felt so bad for leaving him to give him privacay , well NO MORE ! just hose the bathroom down and wash all the towels and rags and turn around and wash em again . my washer is going all the time , summer has been so dry and i was worried about running out of water (well) so i went got a front loader which saves alot of water . ahh need to get off here ! u guys keep makin me wanna stay and read more ! ok i think i ll leave and goodbye :-) xoxo
Jam, thank you for your input. My biggest problem is "Grandpa" is pretty with it most of the time. I'm not his relative, so he doesn't want to listen to me, and my husband stays out of it because he's still working and doesn't have to deal with the day to day aggrivation that I do. I don't understand why "Grandpa" won't wipe from the front if he can't wipe from the back. I have him one of those toilet tissue holders and he just "saved it" like he does everything else. He hates it when I talk to him about his "potty rag" but somebody has to, I just am not sure how to bring up the subject without alienating him altogether. There is only one bathroom in the house, which makes it so much worse. He has money to purchase things he needs to make his life easier but he "saves it for later" just like everything else. He also has a hearing problem, won't get a hearing aid, and learning disabilities which we can't do anything about now he's already 86. I hate to whine, I'm just so darn frustrated with him. :-( Carat6108
carat.....I understand completely!! I am taking care of my mother-in-law.......my hubby and I both have POA for her, but I do the care. She is 86, stubborn, knows it all because she was a social worker way back when....:) she was a mess....lived 40 min from us, called her twice a day, would pick her up to eat out every couple of weeks, would meet us outside. Saw a trend of drinking herself to falling down drunk, screaming at hubby on phone, laughed one night cuz she was so drunk couldn't crawl into bed, only 1 bathroom upstairs, so she just peed where ever she wanted, she pooped somewhere one day cuz she dog sat for us and my chihuahua/jack russell rolled in it. Her daughter passed away 2008 and "my world just ended because she was my itty bitty buddy".......oh puleeeezzzz this woman treated momma like dirt. Anyway, she was told that's it nursing home or move closer to us. She paid for and we built a small one-bedroom home attached to our home...I just go downstairs, through the locked door to care for her. We have our days, but she also has to be reminded to follow the rules......when she gets out of hand she will go to the behavioral unit at the hospital for an attitude adjustment. We used the reasoning with her that if something happened we needed to be able to care for her which meant accessing her money, and she signed the POA. If that won't work, then you and hubby may have to have a judge determine he is incompetent and you will be made his guardian. Have you talked with Grandpa about a nursing home? That might also be an alternative. My mother put herself in one and couldn't be happier. Is it feasible to build another bathroom? Feel free to whine.......I haven't been here very long and I whine on a daily basis and these wonderful friends have helped me so much....:)
Mom is now on IV antibiotics for the next few weeks every day. Unlike the last time, the folks at this place are wonderful. They provide transport to & from and have taken a very small bite out of mom's days. She is tired though. More activity than she has been accustomed to but she's holding up OK. The last time she got IV antibiotics she also got Cdiff (a very nasty & explosive diarreha...epidemic) but the doc gave me some good bacteria to ward off the Cdiff. Saccharomyces is now in a pill form & along with yogurt cultures should keep the intestinal balance required. The pill she will take is Florastor....please keep this in mind if ever you or your loved ones need IV antibiotics....it may save your life! Mom lost 60 lbs when she had Cdiff & it almost killed her.
Ted, Looks like my hubby's sister will be just like your's. This Christmas we will be having a buffet of coldcuts & a white elephant gift scenario. We have been instructed to bring one thing of an approx. $40 value from our home to give as a gift to a family member. This is a relatively well to do family but she is crying poverty. Never mind the boat, three cars, 3700 sq ft home & all new everything. Hub and I are comfortable but have not lived beyond our means even when we could have. Hub's sister has alos informed hub that she has "dibs" on the condo in fla when their father dies. I have been told by hub not to mention any of her hard cold heartless behavior to her which seems to be escalating as the years go by. Since she works with hub's dad & has his ear, I told hub he could kiss his inheritance goodbye if his sister has anything to say about it. Hub told me I was wrong but all the evidence points to a hostile takeover of his dad's estate. She is showing signs of the waif/witch syndrome and I hate to see her spend the rest of her life in the shallow end of the pool, but it is her choice. The problem is that no one is allowed to challenge her in any way. All have been content to excuse her of any inpropriety her entire life and she has been allowed to dictate all in regards to family for decades. The whole thing is just so sad and yes I am offended that our LORD will not be welcome for Christmas in their home. Chances are my tounge will have been bit clean thru by the end of the day. Merry Reprobate Holidays! My hub and I are antique dealers and after having been ribbed by sis to her dad for having "found something in our basement" to give as a gift....(which we never did), she now wants to re-gift to all the family. How dare she!!!!!!! All I can say is that we reap what we sow!!!!!! So here I am of to scour the house for a non-gender specific $40 item that I think someone may find to their liking, or just wrap up the items that I already purchased earlier in the year with specific people in mind. I hope our LORD has not been removed from the rest of your festivities.
Hubby got us a new bed. We had been sleeping on at least a 51 year old mattress and box springs. The mattress was so thin. No back support. He found a brass bed with a Sealy Posturpedic mattress at an auction and got it for $130.00!! He set it up today and it's so pretty and soooo comfy!! He sprayed the mattress with Lysol spray. :) It's like 5 years old. Bad news is one of my kitties clawed a hole in my dad's poker table. It really upset me because he loved that thing. Ah well, it's just a thing. Feeling really depressed to day. Don't feel like doing a damn thing. I'll be back later.
I had to take notes, otherwise I would not remember...
MIZ: a change of environment is the best thing for you. I can understand very well that you don't like to stay home these days. I am glad you have plans for Xmas with hubby. JEN how's your doggy? Vet expenses. Yes I know. I know very well the feeling that you get 100 dollars/euros with your right hand and after 20 seconds your left hand has to pay 800 dollars/euros. PEACH You are always so sweet. I understand you, many nights I read all the posts and I don't feel like writing. But I read anyway, it's like taking my daily anti depression drug. JAM your husband is the head of the ER? Wonderful!!!! I don't know how many times I have told how much I liked ER and I cried when dr. Greene died and I want to die at the Hawaii as well, and at my funeral I want them to play "Somewhere over the rainbow" (Kamakawiwo'ole) (if you have seen the episode you know what I am talking about) Is a real ER similar to the ERs we see on TV? CARAT: 1) you say that the person you take care of is not your relative, that's why he does not listen to you. I assure you that even if the person you take care of is a relative, he does not listen to you! 2) My mother makes incredible messes with towels, that's way in the bathroom I just keep her things. I keep my towels, toothbrush, everything in my room and when I go to the bathroom I take them back and forth. This way, there are no problems and every night I throw everything I find in the Holy Washing Machine. 3) She likes to spare things, too. She uses the toilet paper as though it were made of golden leaves, she would like to use two straps at the time. When I give her more straps she looks at me as though I was a careless spendthrift ( I had to look for this word on the dictionary. First time I see it ) LINDA: just a kiss. I know I will regret I have not been as good with my mother as you are with your dad. Truth is that my mother has always been a pain in the neck!!!!!
There is a Christmas concert at an old local theater here tonight. We are thinking about going. The weather is pretty nasty though. Just raining right now but possibly supposed to turn to snow. We'll see.
waiting for my daughter to get home so we can leave ! miz !! so glad ur hubby found a hellva deal on the bed , oh today is nothing to be happy about ! rainin and gloomey and cold ! so its normal to feel that way today . maybe tmr too hell allw inter ! spring everythings reborn and all new leaves comes out and starts all over again . hurry up spring ! i know how u feel about the table , had a puppy that chewed the old old desk leg , full of holes ! lost its value , oh well its just a material whos gonna have them when we re gone ? prob somebody will use it for bonfire who knows ? rossella ! thanks for a kiss . made me smile ! its hard to be good to someone that drives ya nuts , my mil drives me up the wall i try to smile and go along with it cuz i dont see her often but i imagin if she was with me 24-7 im sure i be looking like a witch with no hair left on my head . bless your heart . wish my daughter could come over and watch ur mom so u could get a break . daughter came home yesterday said she gave an older man a bath hes 86 yrs old , he told her u need to stop popping pills ! she said ugh i dont take pills , why u ask ? he said cuz everytime u come and see me u get prettier ! those beauty pills ure takin ! she laugh so hard and said oh i dont take them either . she said ewww old man talkin like that to me mom ! she has seen pictures of him when he was young and said he was a very good lookin man . son came over and looks like his daddy , said shoot ! too bad he s married and have 3 kids ! ah my baby girl is home now , byeeee !
p.s . rossella , i loved ER had big lump in my throat when dr mark greene died , ohh it hurt so much . i loved dr carter ohh meeeeeeeeowwww hes my hubba hubba , moooooooooooo . :-) i watch greg antomny , its ok but ER was one of my fav and i could not miss that show ! also chicago hope too , theres private practics , i lost interest in it . ok ok gotta go , love u all xoxo
yes rosella, hubby is the head of the ER, but it's nothing like tv. I'm pretty proud of him and he has made quite a name and reputation here for himself.....pulled a lot of people back from the light but after 30 yrs of it he is getting pretty tired. His mom has been a handful today.......shows up at my back door complaining about not getting her morning meds. I explained that yes she did...no I didn't.....yes you did.....I don't think so........well quit worrying about it and go back home before you freeze to death!!!!!! She has been using her cell phone and calling and ordering clothes, when they come she puts them in a drawer, with the plastic wrapping still on them, and wears the same old clothes everyday. Last week told her to give me the list and I would just order it online. Finally told her today I didn't order it and she would just have to take that up with her son......she's a little miffed at me right now. Gonna have to take the card away I'm afraid. But at least we got through the Saturday bath without any incidents.
Hi All my fellow caregivers, I have missed all of you. Unfortunately my dad's health has deteriorated greatly and now is on HOSPICE and is time is coming to close. His last journey. Finding this site has been a tremendous help to me during my ordeal. So I just wanted to say a quick hello to all, and that i have not forgotten any of you. Miz, you are always in my thoughts and prayers for sure. I spend most of time at dad's bedside, even though he is not awake, i speak of all the family stories. This is a very difficult time, since christmas has always been my absolute favorite time, this christmas there is no tree, no presents even, just sharing lots of memories and spending time with mom. I will post again once all is settled. Again a huge thank you to everyone and know that all here I consider my family. We are amazing people for sure. A HUGE CARING HUG TO ALL MY CAREGIVERS FAMILY............. ANGIE
Hi Everyone, Peace and rest to Angie hope your Dad is ready to go and feeling safe and surrounded by love, it sounds like it.
Monty mu PUG is OK, on pain meds healing well, as am I, set crutches aside. wear boot quite A WHILE. pressure ok twisting a no no.
Miz don't force your self to go and do. If you want to go ahead but a little peace and quiet and not hassling traffic and inclement weather might be a pain is the...ice definitely bad, snow OK but ice.
Been an angry snarky day here but duh why wouldn't it be...any how I can sleep back in MY bed downstairs finally.
I hope everyone is doing well and gets a break this weekend some how.
Hi Angie we were just talking about you yesterday. I'm very sorry for what is going on. We wondered why you were not writing anymore and now we know! You are very strong so you will do the right things. I'm sorry for your Christmas, too. Jam, yes I think it would be a good idea to figure out a way to take the card away from your MIL. I know it's hard for them to lose their independency. I remember how painful for my uncle was when they took his car away from him. I felt very sorry for him. If my father had had the same problem, it would have been a big big problem. He was a great driver when he had fast cars, and even in Rome he went so fast with his little Fiat 500. An aged man frightening the town! He raced with the bigger cars, a triumphant smile in his face, You can imagine! Linda, yes. I loved dr. Carter. He was my favorite together with Greene. I wasn't crazy about Clooney at that times. I think he improved with age. I'm very sorry tonight for the parents we lost, or we are losing.
angie, I know what a hard time this is for you. Very difficult and heart breaking. Spending time at your dad's bedside and talking to him is a wonderful thing. I'm sure he is more grateful for that than you will ever know. I'm sending a great big hug to you and I wish I could do it in person. I'm glad you have hospice there. I hope you have other support. Please know that we are thinking of you and praying for you and we are with you in your heart.
Hi everyone and thanks for your concern expressed here and on my wall, but some prior things on my wall did not make me very happy. I appreciate how those matters were resolved and it would betray those apologies for me to say anymore. My depression is still bad. I'm not waking up rested hardly at all. My memory is so bad lately that I went back to Lowes three times yesterday to get the three things I made one trip to get and the most important one to unclog the toilet, I did not remember until the third trip. I can tell that I have some anger very near the surface and little patience as I had with myself yesterday in putting a new door handle on the front storm door and that was all of any significance that I accomplished yesterday. My wife is not stable and we hope her meds can get adjusted this week after her psych gets some blood work report back. I'm on my 1st week of a higher dose of abilify, but 10 is the real treatment dose. I told my psych last week that I would let him know how I'm doing. As I mentioned one time before that the immense amount of pain on this site sometimes hits my own buttons and I feel overwhelmed with both. Honestly, the idea of just getting pushed or kicked overboard and landing in the mouth of a whale has had its attractions but I have no plans. My thinking now is not leaving all together but taking a break until I'm more stable.
Crowe, You've got a lot on your plate. Just remember that we DO care and want the best for you. I know that you can work through it all, You've deat with so much already and have done it so well. don't let any setbacks get to you. You ARE strong enough to face it all.
I am home on the boat after a week of over the top fun craziness. The Cat is still chewing me out for being away and is flopped on the table ]n[\=][[['''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' (Cat typing) next to the computer. She won't let me out of her sight and when I went out to check the lines I could hear her howling and I kept saying: I'm right here Cat, I'm right here.
The front is rolling through as I write, the river is full of whitecaps and the boat is rocking big time. Feels good.
Nance, I'm so sorry about your mom. I miss my mom a lot and it does suck, but she was suffering so much. Come to the boat Nance!
Miz! screw lousy weather and stay home on that nice new mattress and watch some bad tv. It's good for you. I watched a block of 'Married to Rock' epsiodes after work one night this week and that sh!! is funny. There's a bunch of people with problems I'll never have!
Jen! glad you get to sleep in your own bed again and that your mom will be home to shoulder the burden of her father. If you're sick of the Hawaiian music, hide that crap or just throw it away. There's no mercy when your mental health is at stake. I had to pull a whammy on some of mom's stuff because it was either that or I was going to be institutionalized.
Linda! sorry that Pa is declining so. it's so hard to watch. do you have the books yet? they will help.
Gone from My Sight The Eleventh Hour My Friend I care and a few more. 3 bucks a piece. bk books . com when you put that in your browser window, no spaces of course.
Angie! so good to see from you even though you are going through the last stages. You need the books too. Ask the hospice nurses for them. It's very very hard and you are being very very brave. We are all with you in spirit and I hope you know that you can reach out and we will be there almost immediately.
that goes for everybody!
Crowe! Dude! what'chu talking about? If you're having a bad spell know that you're not alone even if your issues are different than others' issues the pain still sux and you still need support. How's your wife doing and what's the story and why are you feeling real low? Holidays? Read some Psalms baby brother, read some Psalms.
I think it was CatsMeow who was talking about docs not caring? If I got it wrong, sorry, but here's the reality. 1. POA: got to do it when you still have a chance or it is way harder when they are too off the hook to handle it. Caregiver gets it, not someone else. Period. 2. Namenda. I diagnosed my mom, did the research and found this drug. it made a huge difference in her depression and bad behavior and bought us all some quality time. Aricept followed about 24 months after that. 3. Don't know if someone has dementia? get them to draw a clock. round with the numbers in the right place. If they can't, well there you go. There are indeed many different kinds of dementia and you need to follow up with the experts in your area, most likely located at a teaching hospital. don't take any BS from medical personnel. Don't be afraid to set them back on their heels if they have it coming, from docs to front desk. My mother had excellent care because the docs and staff didn't want to set ME off. it wasn't pretty when it happened and I for one had absolutely no respect or regard for anyone who gave me a hard time. I told them what drugs I wanted for her and how. The Internet is a wonderful thing, Google anything and you will find the answer. Don't bother with some 20 something moron who took a 9 month course at a community college and thinks they know what the score is. Oh please. Mom loved it when I chewed face on her behalf and she ultimately was on very few drugs and without pain because I managed her care and not the doctors. Why? I knew her better than they did and despite what they want you to think, this is not rocket science. Most elderly people are overmedicated which makes everything way more difficult. The fewer drugs the better.
Welcome to our new crew members and just keep venting. It is Gross and the bathroom issues will not get better, they will get worse. Just the way it is. They are not trying to be jerks, it's just the disease. Behavior includes: Saving soiled tp, tissues and hiding it away. Not washing or being able to clean up after themselves. The caregiver has to wash the toilet. it's not that they won't; they CAN'T. The caregiver has to wipe and clean them or they will suffer needlessly with UTI and broken skin. The first time I did it I thought I was going to lose everything I had eaten in the last week. I got over it and you will too. If you don't you are only making it harder on you AND your person. My mom's bottom was buffed to a shine even when she would fight me. I told her jokes and acted out how I would poke my butt out if someone else had to wipe it. Constantly tell your person that they are safe and sound. it's really scary for them. Us crabbing at them all the time doesn't help and makes them feel unsafe and trust me, I did my share of crabbing! Read through the Thread! It's very hard to keep it all in perspective and not only think of the inconvienience. This is a human being with thoughts and desires and dreams even though they are coming to the final chapter in their lives. Utilizing humor to get both or all of you through this is not a maybe, it's a necessity or you will lose your mind. We caregivers are human beings too and not victims even though for many of us that's how we feel because we didn't sign up for this but are dealing with it as best as possible. Keep venting. Clean up the mess in the bathroom and then get online here and tell us all about it. I wrote about this way earlier but one day I walked into the bathroom and there was poor mom with crappo all over her fresh clothes and shoes and hands, you get it. She was horrified. At this point you have a choice. Act like this is the worst thing in the world and everybody feels bad or act like it's no big deal and make them feel better and you will too. I said something to the effect: Mom! Why that's a nice brown! very Southwestern! goes with the blue of your shirt and pants. Well done. I cleaned her hands and placed her hands on the counter and told her to hold on and I had her clothes off and her all cleaned up in no time. A lot of times their moments can be involuntary. when I got mom's nails done a few weeks before her death, I had to interlock my fingers with hers to keep her from spoiling the polish before it dried. She was trying to keep still but couldn't. the polish dried and it was beautiful and she wears it now lying next to my father.
As far as siblings are concerned, you all have my sympathy. I had no brothers and sisters and boy I considered myself lucky. My personality doesn't lend itself to committee meetings so thankfully I didn't have idiot siblings to deal with.
I love you guys and Ted! whassup? coming to the boat? New Caregivers: The boat is here for the tired caregiver who has come to the end of their journey... or like Ted who's got a week's pass! New folks, the boat includes you! Yes, it's real and yes you can have your own room and yes it's warm and dry even though it's stormy outside.
thinkoftheboat when it gets bad. you have to constantly remember that there is a world and life after this, your job as a caregiver is to LIVE to get there.
Where's part of the crew? You all know who you are. Let's make it tell-a-joke-Sunday. Got one? tell it. don't feel like telling a joke? we don't care just check in and tell us what's up.
Man, that was one long winded post! glad to see Crowe checked in while I was writing War and Peace. I think Angie is ready for her Teddy Bear. Where's Rip? lovbob
bobbie, just keep right on being long-winded...:) makes me stop and take a deep breath and remember not to be mad at mil cuz she is acting like a demented weenie again!!!!!!!
Miz, i think maybe you just have to give things like this some time, and allow yourself to feel good when you do.
As for me, I'm still getting all riled up about the big theft from time to time, can't get it outta my head when bills keep flying in the door.
But I did get a chance to do some enjoyable stuff, I went all-out decorating a neighbor's house for a Candlelight Tour she's on and had a great time. Man, how I miss work! I used to do visual merchandising back in the day and I love making props and doing lighting and stuff like that.
Bobbie, I think I'm gonna wait for the boat to come through Beaufort in the spring, I have an ulterior motive for visiting Asheville in January, (I'm Gonna see if it would be possible to move mom and me there, I need the energy and life of a larger town than this or I will be an old man before I turn 50) So hopefully you still plan to come through cause Rip is working on your transom lettering which I fiquired I could apply while your here.
Okay, someone get us started with the jokes cause my mind goes blank about jokes.
I understand you being completely grossed out. I have had my moments too. At one point my mom's skin was so dry it flaked off everytime she went to the bathroom. I would scrub the floor and later she would flake more all over the toilet and the floor. Also her eating consists of spilling on herself and the floor.
bobbie , thanks for a reminder about the book ,think it is time for me to get one . heard dad hollarin bloody murder at 3 am , he s on the floor by his bed , woke hubby up to help me get him up , took him to bathroom and changed his wet clothes , then took him to recliner and i laid on the couch and we both went to sleep , till 6 am this morning he woke up needng to go bathroom , took him and back to recliner , told him lets sleep few more hrs then i ll get up and make bfast . so we did , slept till 9 he hollared , got up and moved the wheelchair over so i help him up off the recliner and he didnt stand straight up , instead he decided to act like he s sooo cripple and slide his butt over and wheelchair moved and i lost my balance and he went down on the floor along with biggg fart ! gag me ! i said oh dad did u crap ur pant he giggled nooo ididnt , i said whoa ure killin me ! i decided that he could use some excersise and let him wallowww all over the living room floor , told him get on ur hands and knee pa and see if u can crawl to recliner and pull urself up , waa waa no i cant do it waaa , let him go at it for good 15 mins then i went and got hubby out of the bed and he help me get him up , said john its the 2nd time today u wound up on the floor , he stood straight up this time , and took him to bathroom , blood clot and peein blood more redder , guess that excerise prob flared up his bladder ? i am just so tired and worn out and a lit hangover , its snowing pretty good outside , snow baby snow ! talked to lady lastnight about pa , she said he should get that tumor out and u dont have to have chemo or radiation , ugh so i need to ask the dr about that . while back i looked up on internet about it and says causes back pain or tummy pain , well darvocets were taken off the market and i told the dr that dad has bad back pain , he said that bladder dont causes back pain . and to give him tyeneol , now im thinking u sob ! ive decided im going to call urionlisgt and see if he could prescribe something for dad s back pain . ijust need to talk to that dr and see what i can do for pa . well guess i shall go lay down and try to catch a wink or two , love u all xoxox
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dad has his own bathroom and has handicap rails and a high toilet (handicap toilet) . walk in shower too , i am soo glad i thought of it . other wise we all be runnin outside to find a corner to pee . elders takes a long time in bathroom and all the mess to clean up . its not so bad cuz i have to stay in the bathrom with dad . i wipe and clean him cuz he cant do it , he tried to wipe his own and lean over so far and wham he fell right on the floor , whoa a hellva black eye he got . i felt so bad for leaving him to give him privacay , well NO MORE !
just hose the bathroom down and wash all the towels and rags and turn around and wash em again . my washer is going all the time , summer has been so dry and i was worried about running out of water (well) so i went got a front loader which saves alot of water .
ahh need to get off here ! u guys keep makin me wanna stay and read more ! ok i think i ll leave and goodbye :-)
xoxo
Carat6108
Hope all improves for all of us.
Mom is now on IV antibiotics for the next few weeks every day. Unlike the last time, the folks at this place are wonderful. They provide transport to & from and have taken a very small bite out of mom's days. She is tired though. More activity than she has been accustomed to but she's holding up OK. The last time she got IV antibiotics she also got Cdiff (a very nasty & explosive diarreha...epidemic) but the doc gave me some good bacteria to ward off the Cdiff. Saccharomyces is now in a pill form & along with yogurt cultures should keep the intestinal balance required. The pill she will take is Florastor....please keep this in mind if ever you or your loved ones need IV antibiotics....it may save your life! Mom lost 60 lbs when she had Cdiff & it almost killed her.
Ted, Looks like my hubby's sister will be just like your's. This Christmas we will be having a buffet of coldcuts & a white elephant gift scenario. We have been instructed to bring one thing of an approx. $40 value from our home to give as a gift to a family member. This is a relatively well to do family but she is crying poverty. Never mind the boat, three cars, 3700 sq ft home & all new everything. Hub and I are comfortable but have not lived beyond our means even when we could have. Hub's sister has alos informed hub that she has "dibs" on the condo in fla when their father dies. I have been told by hub not to mention any of her hard cold heartless behavior to her which seems to be escalating as the years go by. Since she works with hub's dad & has his ear, I told hub he could kiss his inheritance goodbye if his sister has anything to say about it. Hub told me I was wrong but all the evidence points to a hostile takeover of his dad's estate. She is showing signs of the waif/witch syndrome and I hate to see her spend the rest of her life in the shallow end of the pool, but it is her choice. The problem is that no one is allowed to challenge her in any way. All have been content to excuse her of any inpropriety her entire life and she has been allowed to dictate all in regards to family for decades. The whole thing is just so sad and yes I am offended that our LORD will not be welcome for Christmas in their home. Chances are my tounge will have been bit clean thru by the end of the day. Merry Reprobate Holidays! My hub and I are antique dealers and after having been ribbed by sis to her dad for having "found something in our basement" to give as a gift....(which we never did), she now wants to re-gift to all the family. How dare she!!!!!!!
All I can say is that we reap what we sow!!!!!!
So here I am of to scour the house for a non-gender specific $40 item that I think someone may find to their liking, or just wrap up the items that I already purchased earlier in the year with specific people in mind.
I hope our LORD has not been removed from the rest of your festivities.
love,
miz
MIZ: a change of environment is the best thing for you. I can understand very well that you don't like to stay home these days. I am glad you have plans for Xmas with hubby.
JEN how's your doggy? Vet expenses. Yes I know. I know very well the feeling that you get 100 dollars/euros with your right hand and after 20 seconds your left hand has to pay 800 dollars/euros.
PEACH You are always so sweet. I understand you, many nights I read all the posts and I don't feel like writing. But I read anyway, it's like taking my daily anti depression drug.
JAM your husband is the head of the ER? Wonderful!!!! I don't know how many times I have told how much I liked ER and I cried when dr. Greene died and I want to die at the Hawaii as well, and at my funeral I want them to play "Somewhere over the rainbow" (Kamakawiwo'ole) (if you have seen the episode you know what I am talking about) Is a real ER similar to the ERs we see on TV?
CARAT: 1) you say that the person you take care of is not your relative, that's why he does not listen to you. I assure you that even if the person you take care of is a relative, he does not listen to you! 2) My mother makes incredible messes with towels, that's way in the bathroom I just keep her things. I keep my towels, toothbrush, everything in my room and when I go to the bathroom I take them back and forth. This way, there are no problems and every night I throw everything I find in the Holy Washing Machine. 3) She likes to spare things, too. She uses the toilet paper as though it were made of golden leaves, she would like to use two straps at the time. When I give her more straps she looks at me as though I was a careless spendthrift ( I had to look for this word on the dictionary. First time I see it )
LINDA: just a kiss. I know I will regret I have not been as good with my mother as you are with your dad. Truth is that my mother has always been a pain in the neck!!!!!
miz !! so glad ur hubby found a hellva deal on the bed , oh today is nothing to be happy about ! rainin and gloomey and cold ! so its normal to feel that way today . maybe tmr too hell allw inter ! spring everythings reborn and all new leaves comes out and starts all over again . hurry up spring !
i know how u feel about the table , had a puppy that chewed the old old desk leg , full of holes ! lost its value , oh well its just a material whos gonna have them when we re gone ? prob somebody will use it for bonfire who knows ?
rossella ! thanks for a kiss . made me smile ! its hard to be good to someone that drives ya nuts , my mil drives me up the wall i try to smile and go along with it cuz i dont see her often but i imagin if she was with me 24-7 im sure i be looking like a witch with no hair left on my head . bless your heart . wish my daughter could come over and watch ur mom so u could get a break .
daughter came home yesterday said she gave an older man a bath hes 86 yrs old , he told her u need to stop popping pills ! she said ugh i dont take pills , why u ask ? he said cuz everytime u come and see me u get prettier ! those beauty pills ure takin ! she laugh so hard and said oh i dont take them either . she said ewww old man talkin like that to me mom ! she has seen pictures of him when he was young and said he was a very good lookin man . son came over and looks like his daddy , said shoot ! too bad he s married and have 3 kids ! ah my baby girl is home now , byeeee !
:-) i watch greg antomny , its ok but ER was one of my fav and i could not miss that show ! also chicago hope too ,
theres private practics , i lost interest in it .
ok ok gotta go , love u all xoxo
His mom has been a handful today.......shows up at my back door complaining about not getting her morning meds. I explained that yes she did...no I didn't.....yes you did.....I don't think so........well quit worrying about it and go back home before you freeze to death!!!!!! She has been using her cell phone and calling and ordering clothes, when they come she puts them in a drawer, with the plastic wrapping still on them, and wears the same old clothes everyday. Last week told her to give me the list and I would just order it online. Finally told her today I didn't order it and she would just have to take that up with her son......she's a little miffed at me right now. Gonna have to take the card away I'm afraid. But at least we got through the Saturday bath without any incidents.
Peace and rest to Angie hope your Dad is ready to go and feeling safe and surrounded by love, it sounds like it.
Monty mu PUG is OK, on pain meds healing well, as am I, set crutches aside. wear boot quite A WHILE. pressure ok twisting a no no.
Miz don't force your self to go and do. If you want to go ahead but a little peace and quiet and not hassling traffic and inclement weather might be a pain is the...ice definitely bad, snow OK but ice.
Been an angry snarky day here but duh why wouldn't it be...any how I can sleep back in MY bed downstairs finally.
I hope everyone is doing well and gets a break this weekend some how.
Jam, yes I think it would be a good idea to figure out a way to take the card away from your MIL. I know it's hard for them to lose their independency. I remember how painful for my uncle was when they took his car away from him. I felt very sorry for him. If my father had had the same problem, it would have been a big big problem. He was a great driver when he had fast cars, and even in Rome he went so fast with his little Fiat 500. An aged man frightening the town! He raced with the bigger cars, a triumphant smile in his face, You can imagine!
Linda, yes. I loved dr. Carter. He was my favorite together with Greene. I wasn't crazy about Clooney at that times. I think he improved with age.
I'm very sorry tonight for the parents we lost, or we are losing.
love,
miz
I am home on the boat after a week of over the top fun craziness.
The Cat is still chewing me out for being away and is flopped on the table ]n[\=][[['''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' (Cat typing) next to the computer.
She won't let me out of her sight and when I went out to check the lines I could hear her howling and I kept saying: I'm right here Cat, I'm right here.
The front is rolling through as I write, the river is full of whitecaps and the boat is rocking big time. Feels good.
Nance, I'm so sorry about your mom. I miss my mom a lot and it does suck, but she was suffering so much.
Come to the boat Nance!
Miz! screw lousy weather and stay home on that nice new mattress and watch some bad tv. It's good for you.
I watched a block of 'Married to Rock' epsiodes after work one night this week and that sh!! is funny. There's a bunch of people with problems I'll never have!
Jen! glad you get to sleep in your own bed again and that your mom will be home to shoulder the burden of her father.
If you're sick of the Hawaiian music, hide that crap or just throw it away. There's no mercy when your mental health is at stake.
I had to pull a whammy on some of mom's stuff because it was either that or I was going to be institutionalized.
Linda! sorry that Pa is declining so. it's so hard to watch. do you have the books yet? they will help.
Gone from My Sight
The Eleventh Hour
My Friend I care
and a few more. 3 bucks a piece.
bk books . com when you put that in your browser window, no spaces of course.
Angie! so good to see from you even though you are going through the last stages. You need the books too. Ask the hospice nurses for them. It's very very hard and you are being very very brave. We are all with you in spirit and I hope you know that you can reach out and we will be there almost immediately.
that goes for everybody!
Crowe! Dude! what'chu talking about? If you're having a bad spell know that you're not alone even if your issues are different than others' issues the pain still sux and you still need support. How's your wife doing and what's the story and why are you feeling real low? Holidays?
Read some Psalms baby brother, read some Psalms.
I think it was CatsMeow who was talking about docs not caring? If I got it wrong, sorry, but here's the reality.
1. POA: got to do it when you still have a chance or it is way harder when they are too off the hook to handle it. Caregiver gets it, not someone else. Period.
2. Namenda. I diagnosed my mom, did the research and found this drug. it made a huge difference in her depression and bad behavior and bought us all some quality time. Aricept followed about 24 months after that.
3. Don't know if someone has dementia? get them to draw a clock. round with the numbers in the right place. If they can't, well there you go.
There are indeed many different kinds of dementia and you need to follow up with the experts in your area, most likely located at a teaching hospital.
don't take any BS from medical personnel. Don't be afraid to set them back on their heels if they have it coming, from docs to front desk.
My mother had excellent care because the docs and staff didn't want to set ME off. it wasn't pretty when it happened and I for one had absolutely no respect or regard for anyone who gave me a hard time. I told them what drugs I wanted for her and how. The Internet is a wonderful thing, Google anything and you will find the answer. Don't bother with some 20 something moron who took a 9 month course at a community college and thinks they know what the score is. Oh please.
Mom loved it when I chewed face on her behalf and she ultimately was on very few drugs and without pain because I managed her care and not the doctors. Why? I knew her better than they did and despite what they want you to think, this is not rocket science.
Most elderly people are overmedicated which makes everything way more difficult. The fewer drugs the better.
Welcome to our new crew members and just keep venting.
It is Gross and the bathroom issues will not get better, they will get worse. Just the way it is. They are not trying to be jerks, it's just the disease.
Behavior includes:
Saving soiled tp, tissues and hiding it away.
Not washing or being able to clean up after themselves.
The caregiver has to wash the toilet. it's not that they won't; they CAN'T.
The caregiver has to wipe and clean them or they will suffer needlessly with UTI and broken skin.
The first time I did it I thought I was going to lose everything I had eaten in the last week. I got over it and you will too. If you don't you are only making it harder on you AND your person.
My mom's bottom was buffed to a shine even when she would fight me. I told her jokes and acted out how I would poke my butt out if someone else had to wipe it.
Constantly tell your person that they are safe and sound. it's really scary for them. Us crabbing at them all the time doesn't help and makes them feel unsafe and trust me, I did my share of crabbing! Read through the Thread!
It's very hard to keep it all in perspective and not only think of the inconvienience. This is a human being with thoughts and desires and dreams even though they are coming to the final chapter in their lives. Utilizing humor to get both or all of you through this is not a maybe, it's a necessity or you will lose your mind. We caregivers are human beings too and not victims even though for many of us that's how we feel because we didn't sign up for this but are dealing with it as best as possible.
Keep venting. Clean up the mess in the bathroom and then get online here and tell us all about it.
I wrote about this way earlier but one day I walked into the bathroom and there was poor mom with crappo all over her fresh clothes and shoes and hands, you get it. She was horrified.
At this point you have a choice. Act like this is the worst thing in the world and everybody feels bad or act like it's no big deal and make them feel better and you will too.
I said something to the effect:
Mom! Why that's a nice brown! very Southwestern! goes with the blue of your shirt and pants. Well done.
I cleaned her hands and placed her hands on the counter and told her to hold on and I had her clothes off and her all cleaned up in no time.
A lot of times their moments can be involuntary. when I got mom's nails done a few weeks before her death, I had to interlock my fingers with hers to keep her from spoiling the polish before it dried. She was trying to keep still but couldn't. the polish dried and it was beautiful and she wears it now lying next to my father.
As far as siblings are concerned, you all have my sympathy. I had no brothers and sisters and boy I considered myself lucky. My personality doesn't lend itself to committee meetings so thankfully I didn't have idiot siblings to deal with.
I love you guys and Ted! whassup? coming to the boat?
New Caregivers:
The boat is here for the tired caregiver who has come to the end of their journey... or like Ted who's got a week's pass!
New folks, the boat includes you! Yes, it's real and yes you can have your own room and yes it's warm and dry even though it's stormy outside.
thinkoftheboat when it gets bad. you have to constantly remember that there is a world and life after this, your job as a caregiver is to LIVE to get there.
Where's part of the crew? You all know who you are.
Let's make it tell-a-joke-Sunday. Got one? tell it. don't feel like telling a joke? we don't care just check in and tell us what's up.
lovbob
glad to see Crowe checked in while I was writing War and Peace.
I think Angie is ready for her Teddy Bear.
Where's Rip?
lovbob
As for me, I'm still getting all riled up about the big theft from time to time, can't get it outta my head when bills keep flying in the door.
But I did get a chance to do some enjoyable stuff, I went all-out decorating a neighbor's house for a Candlelight Tour she's on and had a great time. Man, how I miss work! I used to do visual merchandising back in the day and I love making props and doing lighting and stuff like that.
Bobbie, I think I'm gonna wait for the boat to come through Beaufort in the spring, I have an ulterior motive for visiting Asheville in January, (I'm Gonna see if it would be possible to move mom and me there, I need the energy and life of a larger town than this or I will be an old man before I turn 50)
So hopefully you still plan to come through cause Rip is working on your transom lettering which I fiquired I could apply while your here.
Okay, someone get us started with the jokes cause my mind goes blank about jokes.
heard dad hollarin bloody murder at 3 am , he s on the floor by his bed , woke hubby up to help me get him up , took him to bathroom and changed his wet clothes , then took him to recliner and i laid on the couch and we both went to sleep , till 6 am this morning he woke up needng to go bathroom , took him and back to recliner , told him lets sleep few more hrs then i ll get up and make bfast . so we did , slept till 9 he hollared , got up and moved the wheelchair over so i help him up off the recliner and he didnt stand straight up , instead he decided to act like he s sooo cripple and slide his butt over and wheelchair moved and i lost my balance and he went down on the floor along with biggg fart ! gag me ! i said oh dad did u crap ur pant he giggled nooo ididnt , i said whoa ure killin me !
i decided that he could use some excersise and let him wallowww all over the living room floor , told him get on ur hands and knee pa and see if u can crawl to recliner and pull urself up , waa waa no i cant do it waaa , let him go at it for good 15 mins then i went and got hubby out of the bed and he help me get him up , said john its the 2nd time today u wound up on the floor ,
he stood straight up this time , and took him to bathroom , blood clot and peein blood more redder , guess that excerise prob flared up his bladder ?
i am just so tired and worn out and a lit hangover , its snowing pretty good outside , snow baby snow !
talked to lady lastnight about pa , she said he should get that tumor out and u dont have to have chemo or radiation , ugh so i need to ask the dr about that .
while back i looked up on internet about it and says causes back pain or tummy pain , well darvocets were taken off the market and i told the dr that dad has bad back pain , he said that bladder dont causes back pain . and to give him tyeneol ,
now im thinking u sob ! ive decided im going to call urionlisgt and see if he could prescribe something for dad s back pain . ijust need to talk to that dr and see what i can do for pa .
well guess i shall go lay down and try to catch a wink or two ,
love u all xoxox