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Angie- I'm so sorry for your pain. I care for both my parents and know how extremely difficult it can be. I hope ur family has been supportive. Your Dad will be at peace soon. Hang in here and God Bless u.
Angie you are in my thought and prayers and I do think he is aware my husband responded a little to our kids and grand-daughter but not me he wanted to get in one last unkind behaivior to me so I know he sensed people around him at the end after the life supporting meds were stopped except for pain meds and the vent. I love the meals on wheels joke can not wait to tell it to my buddies at the senior center Bobbie you have all of us but I know you are lonely-I am also my gentlemen friend emails me about twice a day we met on eharmony.com which is not as advertised and am very disappointed in it I would love to have someone nice and kind in my life.Jan I can not believe the staff at a nursing home said that to you. My daughter just left a high stress job in social service to become a CNA and they were told right off they were there for the pts. she works with a great group they help each out. It is cold and rainy here today-hope all you angels are having a better day.
Please be patient caregivers. It is a very difficult situation to care for an aging parent. You loose sight of the parent/child relationship. Try using respite services when avaliable and accessable, try Adult Day Programs throughout the day. See if there are caregiver support groups avaliable, or in home companion services.Take turns with family members to help provide assistance while you take a break. It is frustrating and NO you are all not alone, but remember it is your parent.
SeniorAdvocate - Thank you for writing in. I absolutely agree with seeking help from outside services. But not all of us HAVE family members who will help or even give a hoot. I care for both parents and I AM alone. Even when I begged for help from my siblings, one said they would not help unless they had access to their money. The other claims to be too busy. But I feel less alone when I visit this site. The meals on wheels joke I felt was appropriate for us! My 82-year old mother sent it to me. She tries to keep a sense of humor dealing with my demented dad and all his angry outburst and threats. Today, he actually had a good day so that makes it easier for all of us.
Bobbie - Oh....geez...did I say something wrong to Senior Advocate? I just found the "take turns with family members...." so unlikely in most of our situations. It just wasn't a realistic comment. This isn't Monopoly. And no one is passing GO and collecting two hundred. The only thing I'll collecting is resentment towards my deadbeat siblings which I CLEARLY need to get over.... but I just can't. What is going to make that happen for me??
SS, that's why I'm so determined to bring my situation to court. I can't get over the resentment over my siblings neglect of mom and on top of that, taking advantage of my being unable to fight back because of my responsibilities here with mom to rip me off. It really is making me sick and I want to get it out of head and just get on with what I must do here.
it looks like she just doesn't have any experience with this as a caregiver, just working in facilities and that will cause her to make goofy statements that of course aren't true.
If you are reading this 'Senior Advocate', start at the beginning and read the thread. Read EVERYONE'S profile. See if you can read all 6300+ posts and then and only then will you be qualified as a non caregiver to give any opinion on whassup. Your work experience and degrees are obviously worthless here. Read the Thread. See ya in about a week.
btw, it's folks like you that cause caregivers unneeded stress. and no the person we care/.cared for is no longer our parent. Yes we ARE alone in this. Read the thread. it will be quite an 'education' for you.
understand my grandmother was being cared for my mom and my self and my grandmother had dementia omg the things she would do if i would have don when i was a kid she would have tore me up omg suggest you keep your personal stuff seperate locked up if needed so it wont gross you out and then like a child you can just tell her it is not for to brush er hair with and we love you
Senioradvocate, I speak for myself. I have a brother who never calls, (I mean NEVER) and he comes to see my mother every three weeks for 2-3 hours. He takes her to lunch. He comes with his wife, so the "visit" consists in the fact that he chats with his wife, and every now and then asks my mother if she wants more ice cream. When he takes my mother back home, he says that she is very well and I am doing a good job. And he disappears for another 3 weeks. He does not know anything about the problems I face every day, feeding her, cleaning her, soothing her and so on and so on. He went on vacation this summer and in 2009 summer, and he did not allow me to take one single day of vacation in two years. So, let's not talk about "shifts". My mother has Alzheimer and she has two living siblings, whose mind works perfectly well. My uncle calls every 3-4 months, my aunt calls once a month. My mother asks constantly about her family and when I say constantly I mean "always". She would like them to come for dinner, sometimes she does not eat because she is waiting for her relatives. When she does not listen. I say outloud "The hell with your f***ing relatives". I understand that they are aged, too, but if they can't come here, I think that they could at least call her more often. This is all the help I get. And, if you read the 6000 (and counting) posts of this thread, you'll see that I am one of the luckiest ones!!!!!! (as far as relatives are concerned). At least, they don't bother me. I can't take my mother to a facility with other aged people, even for some hours a day, because her mind is so fragile that she could not stand the experience and she would feel abandoned. So, this is my reality and yes, I feel alone as far as my family is concerned. I feel supported and understood only by this group of people who live at the other side of the ocean (I'm Italian). I "need" (the word is correct) to open this site twice or three times a day, in order to find the strenght to face my (difficult) life! Yes, maybe you are the theory, we are the practice
is there something missing ? snark where is it ?? well as far as i concerned there is no sibling helping us out so what the hell ever ! when they do help us out its like umm be sure u be back in an hr cuz i dont know what to do , blah blah blah , well figure it out cuz i did ! today is my brothers bday im not sure how old he s suppose to be , he s been in heaven since 3 yrs ago ( i think ) feels like just the other day , texted my other brother today and told him i told dad this morning hey today is dec 13 th monday he said oh its johnnys bday , i was floored cuz i done forgot all about it ! so texted my baby bro about it he said well no wonder i laid in bed all day feeling depressed , bless dad s heart he remmy his oldest sons bday ! my dad still has his mind ! and i ve lost mine ! what the hell ! colder than crap out , suppose be high 8 degree tmr , mmm . went out in the barn and slurp some bud ice and feeling pretty good so i walked my dog out in this cold weather and light snow , and filled up the wood box , came in to fix the guys some tomatoe soup and grilled cheese , guess it s not enuff cuz hubby said what ya got to eat , grrrr gotta go find him something eles , i be damn i havent had anything to eat , big babies ! oh yes pay somebody to come in and sit with pa , well ya wanna pay for it ? askin siblings to come sit with dad for what half hr to an hr then u get the meanist look on thier face , i had to take him to bathroom ! well yeah i do it like 30 times a day so whats the pblm ? crazy ! love u all xooxo
Dear Linda, as you know my mother has Alz, but this year she remembered the aniversary of her marriage and the date of my father's death. I don't know how she did.
If there's one thing I can't stand is stock answers to caregivers problems. Get respite, call a sibling, be patient, etc. etc. etc. etc. Makes me kinda nauseous actually. Makes me want to start working on that column. Maybe when I'm less depressed and sad I will work on it. I'm not gonna promise anything but this world sure needs some realistic view points of care giving and what we go through.
My brother and sister-in-law were just as useless. Even though my mother adored them, they came to visit her two or three times a year. Then, my sister-in-law's mother got sick, she hired home care, ordered meals on wheels and had somebody to clean and do the shopping. My sister-in-law visited her mother once a week, because she had a full time la-dee-da job. She told everybody that she helped MY mother AND took care of her mother! After her mother died, she went down and cleaned out all the jewelry and antiques so that her brother wouldn't get them. She still writes poignant notes on Facebook about how much she misses her mom and mother-in-law...*sniff* My niece does the same thing. I think she saw her twice in three years.
Ted, you don't know how dictionaries help...... As a translator I have to know many of them. I can make some translations just consulting "the urban dictionary". If you don't know it, google it. You'll laugh a lot
The best thing that care givers can do is find caring, supportive people who are going through the same thing (are in the same boat) that they are and to consider their suggestions, and to know that they are doing the right thing by taking care of their loved one. The deadbeat relatives are not and we have to accept that as hard as that is to swallow. But it's okay to be mad. I have my resentments but I can't let them consume me. I think that I have always tried to be the peace maker in the family and I hate confrontation. The best and most support I am getting right now going through the loss of my mom (except for my hubby and my angels on this thread) is a relative but not a blood relative. How sad is that. We understand each other here. Thank God for this thread!! Forever and ever amen.
selfishsibling u didnt say anything wrong , cuz whoever that person was isnt on our side . so no worry baby doll :-) . just be happy , wooo . whoever isnt on our side i guess shes one hellva lucky lady ! have siblings to help out and hire a help . so good for her !
rossella ! isnt that something ! dementia and alz , they realy truely havent lost thier mind , i know i have ! now where is my ciggy !! damnt it ! guess i ll go outside and smoke , oh wait a min i shouldnt have to ! pa s in bed and hubby s gone to bed , ill close the door and polute myself in a small room , get enuff nicotine in me wooo , miz ! i agree just bite me ! , i want that tshirt . mmmm santa clause i wanna a t shirt that says kiss my a@@ on the back and the front says bite me , ouch , :-) xoxo
yes i wish u could have too , eveybodys in bed , leavin me all alone waaaaa . ill get on facebook here in a few , i need to go ck on pa one more time then go pee and find my last pack ciggy ! i did pretty good one pack last ed me 3 days ! cuz i smoke outside , maybe tnite ill smoke more . :-)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
my parents and know how extremely difficult
it can be. I hope ur family has been supportive.
Your Dad will be at peace soon. Hang
in here and God Bless u.
The meals on wheels joke I felt was appropriate for us! My 82-year old mother sent it to me. She tries to keep a sense of humor dealing with my demented dad and all his angry outburst and threats. Today, he actually had a good day so that makes it easier for all of us.
Senior Advocate!
Sweetie, the only thing you got right was your BS degree.
I wish the Snarks would do the same.
OBMAJ.
20 points to the one that identifies the above anagram!
lovbob
it looks like she just doesn't have any experience with this as a caregiver, just working in facilities and that will cause her to make goofy statements that of course aren't true.
If you are reading this 'Senior Advocate', start at the beginning and read the thread. Read EVERYONE'S profile.
See if you can read all 6300+ posts and then and only then will you be qualified as a non caregiver to give any opinion on whassup. Your work experience and degrees are obviously worthless here.
Read the Thread. See ya in about a week.
btw, it's folks like you that cause caregivers unneeded stress. and no the person we care/.cared for is no longer our parent.
Yes we ARE alone in this. Read the thread. it will be quite an 'education' for you.
lovbob
my grandmother was being cared for my mom and my self and my grandmother had dementia
omg
the things she would do
if i would have don when i was a kid
she would have tore me up
omg
suggest you keep your personal stuff seperate locked up if needed so it wont gross you out and then like a child you can just tell her it is not for to brush er hair with and we love you
My mother has Alzheimer and she has two living siblings, whose mind works perfectly well. My uncle calls every 3-4 months, my aunt calls once a month. My mother asks constantly about her family and when I say constantly I mean "always". She would like them to come for dinner, sometimes she does not eat because she is waiting for her relatives. When she does not listen. I say outloud "The hell with your f***ing relatives". I understand that they are aged, too, but if they can't come here, I think that they could at least call her more often.
This is all the help I get. And, if you read the 6000 (and counting) posts of this thread, you'll see that I am one of the luckiest ones!!!!!! (as far as relatives are concerned). At least, they don't bother me. I can't take my mother to a facility with other aged people, even for some hours a day, because her mind is so fragile that she could not stand the experience and she would feel abandoned. So, this is my reality and yes, I feel alone as far as my family is concerned. I feel supported and understood only by this group of people who live at the other side of the ocean (I'm Italian). I "need" (the word is correct) to open this site twice or three times a day, in order to find the strenght to face my (difficult) life!
Yes, maybe you are the theory, we are the practice
well as far as i concerned there is no sibling helping us out so what the hell ever ! when they do help us out its like umm be sure u be back in an hr cuz i dont know what to do , blah blah blah , well figure it out cuz i did !
today is my brothers bday im not sure how old he s suppose to be , he s been in heaven since 3 yrs ago ( i think ) feels like just the other day , texted my other brother today and told him i told dad this morning hey today is dec 13 th monday he said oh its johnnys bday , i was floored cuz i done forgot all about it ! so texted my baby bro about it he said well no wonder i laid in bed all day feeling depressed , bless dad s heart he remmy his oldest sons bday ! my dad still has his mind ! and i ve lost mine ! what the hell !
colder than crap out , suppose be high 8 degree tmr , mmm .
went out in the barn and slurp some bud ice and feeling pretty good so i walked my dog out in this cold weather and light snow , and filled up the wood box ,
came in to fix the guys some tomatoe soup and grilled cheese ,
guess it s not enuff cuz hubby said what ya got to eat , grrrr gotta go find him something eles , i be damn i havent had anything to eat , big babies !
oh yes pay somebody to come in and sit with pa , well ya wanna pay for it ? askin siblings to come sit with dad for what half hr to an hr then u get the meanist look on thier face , i had to take him to bathroom ! well yeah i do it like 30 times a day so whats the pblm ?
crazy ! love u all xooxo
love,
miz
love,
miz
"You are the theory, We are the practise" BEAUTIFUL!
Ted, you don't know how dictionaries help...... As a translator I have to know many of them. I can make some translations just consulting "the urban dictionary". If you don't know it, google it. You'll laugh a lot
love,
miz
whoever isnt on our side i guess shes one hellva lucky lady ! have siblings to help out and hire a help . so good for her !
rossella ! isnt that something ! dementia and alz , they realy truely havent lost thier mind , i know i have ! now where is my ciggy !! damnt it ! guess i ll go outside and smoke , oh wait a min i shouldnt have to ! pa s in bed and hubby s gone to bed , ill close the door and polute myself in a small room , get enuff nicotine in me wooo ,
miz ! i agree just bite me ! , i want that tshirt . mmmm santa clause i wanna a t shirt that says kiss my a@@ on the back and the front says bite me , ouch , :-) xoxo
Maybe these are the first signals!