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OK, back and the gangplank was still there!! Made it a lot easier to get back on the boat.
Naw, we are not stronger than you are Christina, we have leaned on each other till we list in the wind. We do know the trick of calling out for help, just like you did today. it really does work.
I hear you on the See's Candy. I gained a ton of weight during caregiving from stress eating (anybody else?) to eating the dinners that my mom asked for and then didn't want. I always made a little plate for her and that's probably the only reason I don't have a lap band.
some caregivers drink, some roll a fattie, some have a xanax, I did Prozac and Xanax until maybe 2 months ago. I took myself off using a calendar until I realized that I had gotten out of bed and gone about my day without pills for about a week so I just stuck with it. Damn Skippy it's depressing and if you saw it any other way you'd be for real nuts.
Wait a minute...
ooofff. had to let my roll out to breathe... nice dinner. i bet i cut quite a picture. Sitting here on the boat with the Cat trying her best to lay ON the computer, my roll catching a breeze and my Flowbee haircut. thasrite.
Christina28 -now listen to Maxine there is a story behind that many years ago before I knew about the cartoon my son gave me a tee shirt with maxine on it and I was crushed and hid it away until once when the husband was very itt my son gave me a joke book with Maxine in it-the whole book was about her and I realized he did not think I looked like that-anyway we are allowed to say what we think on this thread Bobbie put it better than I can-there have been times in the 3 years I have said something that up set someone and I apolagized but all our experiences help others and I have been reading all the post and did not notice that you said anything that would upset anyone but if you did we can be honest here-most of us know that outside the world of caregiving no one wants to hear about our lives-maybe is scares them but here we can be real and vent and help and support each other-I do not know why this site popped up about 3 yrs. ago but I was in the dark hole at that time and this site and the angels here saved my sanity.
Bobbie, I sure know about the eating thing!!! This past winter I weighed my heaviest at 166!!! I'm 5"1", so talk about a roll!!! When I couldn't reach my feet in the tub without cutting off my breath, I decided that was it and lost 16 lbs. Well, got sick in October and just started feeling better this past week, but am now 6 lbs heavier! Vicious cycle for us. Food or drugs or go crazy!!!! Back to eating better and exercising this week, or when I find the ambition. Don't you hate keeping up appearances? I do when I need a lift, but for me, not for anyone else. Can we all come to the boat and just let it all hang out? Could make for some good pictures!!! Austin, love the Maxine jokes! Have an ornament of her for my X-mas tree. Made a big pot of potato leek soup today. It is delicious! Made Mom one of her mom's recipes and gave her some for supper. She was gobbling it down just fine, so I checked on the dinner I was cooking for hubby and was gone 5 minutes. When I checked on her again, she had taken her stew and rubbed it allover the inside and outside of the toaster oven. Gross!!! I didn't know where to start. She was rubbing the table down with it by then. So she had oatmeal for dinner. I asked her what she thought she was doing with the stew, and she said I'm cleaning with the cleanser, what am I supposed to use? You just never know what is going on in their heads. every minute of every day is a challenge. Linda, you are caregiver of the year! you are so patient with your Pa. Tenny, Give them "Good ole boys" Hell! Miz, I believe your Mom chose her time well. She knew how stressed you were and didn't want to cause you more. As caregivers, we not only lose our loved ones, but a way of life that we get locked into. I truly believe our biggest challenge is getting back into life and a normal routine. 24/7 takes up all of our time for so long, we don't know how to get past the shock of not having to be on our toes all the time. There is no time limit on getting your life back. You will get past this and be a lot richer for it. Take as long as you need. We're not going anywhere! Jam, You lost your mom, but still have your hands full! You are a special person! Peach, How are feeling? Hope you don't get any more snow to slide on! Rossella, great words of wisdom as always! Happy to have you back! Ssk, how is it in Hyannis? Got lots of sun and 30's here. Hit near 50 on New Years Day. I know I'm missing a lot of you. Been reading all the posts, but getting behind here, so have to stay away from the computer to get caught up. I'll try to catch up with everyone more often. Kathy
" NO ONE wants to address what's coming. the quicker you get this under your belt the easier it will be to deal with it. And it's NOT easy."
I've found it's virtually impossible to get most of my family to realize/except/understand/get a freakin' clue (pick your poison), as to what's happening to the matriarch of us bunch of dunderheads. My brothers just want, or need, to believe, that sure, Mama's just getting "a little forgetful", because that's just what old folks do. Well, a little forgetful, that went out the door a long time ago. I mean I know since I'm with her all the time, it tends to come to me in smaller more gradual increments (except those times like you mentioned, with the French press, and it beans you like a 90 mph fastball, right between the eyes..Oh do.I hate those!), it's like trying to watch a beautiful plant grow, only backwards, you see it, but not quite all the time,. So the few times a year my brothers see her, and for the short amount of time they do, it's apparent they only see what they want to see...it never fails to floor me You'd think when she's called her own sons by the wrong names, it might sink in a little bit (we all look absolutely nothing alike, by the way)...one might also think they might figure this was a sign, that juuust maybe, they should spend a little more time with her, make a date with her and do some stuff, at least while they still have the chance. Mama can engage and interact pretty well still, she just won't remember it by the next day in all likely hood, though she can surprise me on the occasion, usually about plans to get something yummy the day after I mention it, like say a hot fudge sundae...oh yeah, she's still got some squirrel in that noodle factory somewhere, it just comes out less & less...and less, as this journey continues. Time is slippin' away, but they choose to believe there's all the time in the world, I can only suppose anyway. (I know I'm not saying anything folks on here don't already know, it just feels good to say 'em, as I also know, you know)
Okay, so right now, we're starting to deal with basal cell skin cancer. Mama had a spot on her arm that was cut out about a month ago, no big deal, right? (well the skin doc said not to worry...hmm, and just how do you do that by the way?...I mean the medical community has been trying, and succeeding, to scare the ever livin' crap out of us by just mentioning the word cancer since I was in diapers..now I'm told not to worry..okey dokey doc, got it in one o' healer of the dermis) So today, we have to go and get go in for a full body cancer treasure hunt...yeah, they found treasure. They cut a hole in her cute little chin (you can damn near put a whole pencil eraser in to it), and now we wait for the biopsy...ahhh, no sweat, I mean after all, I was told not to worry by a medical professional, right? So, I left my brothers messages, almost seven hours ago, I'm still waiting for them to call me back...hmm, maybe they already got the heads up on that not to be all worryin' about basal cell cancer thing. What I really think is, since Mama didn't call 'em about it, they figure it isn't big deal (and it probably really isn't, did I mention I was told not to worry)...and ya know somethin' else, she wouldn't have bothered them anyway twenty years ago, not with their great big busy bee lives, she would have called me, when I lived over a hundred miles away. Well the jokes on them, because of right now, Mama doesn't have a clue how she got that big ol' hole in her pretty chinny chin chin. Time is slippin' away for them to connect, and time sure don't have an agenda, it just is, til it ain't. It's their loss, and I figure I got much better, and way more important things to do, than be spinnin' my wheels pitchin' to them about their very own Mama...so what do ya think, should I try getting through again? (um, I told her a little while ago, that she got her "busted chin" in a bar fight over a five dollar pool game, and she lost...the pool game, not the fight...oh, and she still owed me five bucks..she looked at me rather skeptically, said I had to be makin' that #*@$ up, 'cause she sure as shootin' would surely remember losin' at 8-ball :-)...ya just gotta love 'er!)
Kathy, I have solved the problem of meals in the simplest way: my helpers feed my mother well and abundantly at lunch time; she is not hungry at dinner time, (I cook the dinner) so very simple things are enough. Some vegetables... some pasta.... some meatballs... sometimes a glass of milk, if I know she has eaten a lot for lunch. Zoom zoom, as Linda would say.
The mess was kind of my fault. I know that at night she usually can't feed herself. Gets distracted every other second and we just feed her at most meals now.
Pat, I gave up on my sibs. Figure if they want to know about Mom, they will call. No sense getting my panties in a twist anymore. Makes life much easier!
I don't give Mom a drink with her meal anymore because she puts her food in the drink instead of her mouth. Got to love it!!! You never know what they will come up with next! Just like a little kid experimenting with everything they get their hands on! Speaking of hands, every morning, Mom looks at her hands like she has never seen them before! I'm thinking she is back in time and younger in her mind, and wondering whose hands she is looking at.
I agree with you on the folks that got thrown overboard. It's hard for this crew to listen to the bs but I think that we have to change our tact and be inclusive. It's my fault because at the time I just typed and hit post. I wasn't in the mood, so Oh Bite Me...... came out. None of us are in the mood for it, but speaking for myself, I think I can tone it down somewhat and answer more with humor.
This is still the Grossed Out thread and what i would love for us to do is to see those folks not so far along on their journeys or not handling the unsettling reality of what is happening/coming.
Or, tear them a new one, up to you guys. I am going to try and take my own advice.
Pat! I can't imagine your pain, brother. Deef! I didn't have idiot siblings, mom just had some hardcore idiot friends. Mom's friends just couldn't accept it and I was the bad guy. It was a nightmare for me and they were just her friends. I really can't imagine what it's like to try and deal with siblings who refuse to get it. Mom's friends would take her out and disappear with her for HOURS and not tell me where they were. 'We'll show her!...' the stress that I experienced for so many years brings me to the next phase of caregiving: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD Or Post Idiot Sibling Survival Disorder PISSD.
Tenn...man your town sounds like it is MOB'D UP! Southern Style!!! I hope you can figure something out This IS America people!
Agree about not jumping on the "shame on you'ers" when then so obliviously stumble upon this chat and find them selves offended and annoyed with us. Just tell em straight out it is an old but on going post when people set out frustrations and daily hassles to share with others doing the same thing...
Bobbie did they get the boat un stuck? hehehee...
Hope everyone is doing ok...minus things like "Leek Cleanser"...hmm maybe it has some antibacterial properties?...
Okay, I have not read all the posts but I want to tell my story. I was at work today and one of the employees came in with her new baby. She was zipped up in a carrier so I asked her if the baby was a boy or girl. So then I got REALLY busy. This employee came around to my counter and waited behind me while I waited on a bunch of customers and other stuff. She just waited for me. As soon as I could I walked over and saw her new baby girl. Her name is Alison. I asked when she was born and I thought she said Dec. 1. And said, really that long ago? And she said yeah. And I said oh I was gone. I got to thinking about it and I realized Mom passed the day before. As she was leaving I said to her that I didn't even know her first name. She told me and I said You gave me a gift today. I started crying. I told her that my mom passed away on Nov. 30th and seeing her baby made me feel better. She probably thought I was nuts. It's like a circle of life thing. I was crying so I went to the bathroom. Anyways, the lord works in mysterious ways. I told her my mom was a wonderful lady. :)
Congrats Deef!!! I try to be very understanding with new people ~ however ~ how can you miss Pamela's head floating in the ocean, her comment & the other historic comments that followed .... You need to realize these folks don't need to be preached to! Miz!!! You were right in there!
I've had enough Pollyanna's & 'know it alls' in my life that I like to weed them out fast. Growing up with 3 brainy older brothers must have set my standards. I try to be as nice & compassionate as possible. When someone insults or belittles my honorable friends ... thats a whole nother story.
My sis called so rarely that I honestly don't know if Mom remembered her. It's so odd. When Dad passed suddenly, Sis said she thought she would get a call that said Dad is bad you need to come. When she got the calls about Mom she chose not to come and see her before she passed. Did not want to see Mom like that. So, Mom got to hear my voice and my brother's voice but not my sister's. Go figure. I am probably repeating myself but I think that comes with the territory. Unfortunately, this situation seems to be very common. I could not do it. I do not get it. Never will I don't think.
People are so strange, Go figure. You do what you need to for you Miz and let them sort out the issues they cause for them selves..
Fear of death, anger, loss, guilt, what ever we all have it but, they set up their own misery...
You only need to take care of yourself best you can, you worked hard and gave all you had and were THERE...You deserve thanks and support and love not grief and hassles and recrimination or to deal with their issues after the fact....(or during).
Hello to all! Sorry I'm late with my New Year's wishes to all of you! Found out Thursday that I have a slipped disc in my back - no wonder it hurts so bad. Will be having a steroid injection on Thursday at the center where I work. Told dad about it but he has become so self focused, he really doesn't seem to care what other people are going through, only himself. I do realize that is part of dementia but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. On top of that, he was nasty as all get out again this weekend when I spent New Year's Eve with Jim. Dad's caregiver was here with him but even that didn't matter. I swear he thinks I'm his wife - God help me, THAT is GROSS! Even his caregiver says he seems to think it's a competition for my time between b/f and dad, wtf? Funny story, we had a patient tell one of my nurses to "Buck off" the other day. She was so shocked she called him back and then he called her a whore and a slut. All she wanted to do was give him his instructions. Guess he was having a bad day, huh? Miz - keep hanging in there. You have nothing to regret. You followed your heart and took good care of your mom. Gotta get to bed and hopefully get a few hours of sleep before the pain gets too bad again. Love and hugs to all! 2011 has got to be a better year - we all have each other from the start of it! Kuli
speaking of sibs.....to heck with them when they want to act like idiots. I'm still mad at my two youngest....but have not spoken to them and probably won't. what I am the maddest about is all the grandkids who didn't give grandma the time of day, but now they are wailing and beating their chests and getting grandma tattoo's, and my middle child flew in from Denver today. Why now when she estranged herself from this family a long time ago.....didn't show up in 2008 for her grandfather's funeral. I do just fine with my hubby, the COL, my son and daughter-in-law and their two girls. My long time best friend and I were talking on facebook a little earlier and she said she saw the tattoo and it's goofy. I can't bring myself to go look at the pic.....just don't have the energy tonight to be more angry.....and I have to stop doing that, going to make myself sick. Spent the afternoon trying to explain to the COL that she doesn't need a bank statement for me to do her taxes..yes I paid her quarterly taxes all year, and why is your dog limping? She's calling him her "binky baby" now and I noticed the last several days he has been licking on one paw. Now I see he is limping....checked him well and the only thing I can see are his pads are real dry. Then he sits down on the floor and starts spinning circles.....oh my check him and gross!!!!!! He has poop dried on his behind and there are 2 odd looking cyst like growths and one is bleeding. Told her to hold a paper towel on him till it soaks off......she did for about 2 min then decided that was enough for now. Crap......must take him to vet tomorrow.....he looks miserable. It's becoming very apparent she is losing the ability to care for him. He is completely devoted to her so I guess now I will be caregiver to him also. I am really going to make an honest effort to wake up tomorrow and not be angry at anyone......:)
No jokes this morning, just something to think about...I agee, Bobbie...I was wrong. I'm sorry.
Correction does much, but encouragement does more. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We live by encouragement and die without it - slowly, sadly, angrily. - Celeste Holm
“Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal” - Robert Collier
As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way. - Mary Anne Radmacher
"Good luck with your mom, Pat... I know I sound very simplistic, but I guess cancer (if cancer is) it is not too dangerous in old age.."
I'm trying to find and so to figure out, the potential benefits vs. the potential overall harm another, and new, procedure could or might cause. What's the risk to vs. what's the risk not to...I need odds, I need quantifiers, I need what I don't know what I need to know, know what I'm sayin'? See her arm was done right there in the skin doctors office, using local anesthetic with me sitting right there talking to her, and keeping her occupied, but they said if she does have this spot of cancer on her face, they won't do it there, She'll have to go to a general surgeon in our hospital, likely using a general anesthetic...but I don't know that for a fact,,,yet. I do know this, Mama ain't likely to be havin' somebody monkeyin' around on her face, without her flippin' a super supreme big Mama type fuss after about a minute (that used to be a grand thing to watch I'm here to tell ya), especially if I'm not in the room I don't trust a doctor, especially one I don't know and haven't met, to hear what I have to say, much less do much more than pretend to listen to me...I think they think I don't look all too bright or something, and we definitely don't need another wacky little misunderstanding where security becomes involved. Oh sure, some may say "incident", but I think that's much too strong a word, with waayyy too many negative connotations.. (them big deal hospital folk is just a tad bit jumpy, not to mention a wee too pretentious, at least in my uneducated estimation) Well I have some time to do my homework, and figure it all out if and when it come to it. Thanks for that!
"Pat, I gave up on my sibs. Figure if they want to know about Mom, they will call. No sense getting my panties in a twist anymore. Makes life much easier!"
Yeah I'm up with that, and I did cut 'em all loose a while back. It only bothers me because it's not like she doesn't remember she has other kiddos, but she won't say anything, she might be losing stuff, but her pride sure ain't one of 'em, We've got a lot of pictures on the wall, of everybody in the family through the years, and she looks at them a bunch, but I don't really have a clue what's going on inside her little punkin' head when she does...I figure she wonders sometimes. Hey ya know, oddly enough, twisting panties use to be a quite favorite hobby of mine, at least at one time in a galaxy far far away. I can't say I personally owned any but.... Yeah yeah, I'll just be seein' my own self out ;-)
Hey, before I scoot, really, thanks everybody for lettin' me drop some cobwebs, and I promise on my honor as an ex carny, I'll try and come with something really super gross, you know, befitting such an esteemed crowd! (I just don't think the moldy pineapple upside down cake, with red and green maraschino cherries, to make it all Christmasy of couse, and um, nicely camouflaged as it turned out, isn't gonna quite cut it)
Pat, I understand that you don't trust doctors, but there are some very good ones around, believe me! Try to make an appointment with a very good one and he will give you an advice on what you have to do....And then, you will find the right words to convince your mother to do what is needed. My mother's doctor, in the very little village I live in, is an amazingly good one. When I lived in Rome, the big town, my mother was treated by a list of assholes. This one is really good. He gives us good advices, he sends us in the right places, he comes to our house when he is called! Unbelievable. When my mother called (20 years ago) our family doctor the night my father had a heart attack, he (the doctor) said: "call an ambulance" and he went back to sleep! Needless to say, all the family abandoned that doctor the following day and chose another one (and he lost a lot of money) Going back to the "shame on yous", I believe they are more grossed out than we are, they are so grossed out and so ashamed to be grossed out, that they pretend they are not (Lucy Van Pelt, 5cent psychiatric help!!!) So they have to be helped bit by bit, they have to be gently taken to the "path of awareness"....
Thanks Rossella! I like doing the jokes. Makes me feel useful, I guess, to get folks to laugh or at least smile for a minute before starting their day. I agree that these sound like real comments that real people probably came up with. Sounds like something I would have come up with to help cut the tension with the doc & maybe not be so scared, too!
You're right about what you were saying about the "newbie's"! That's what my prior post was about, in that I have toasted a few for what they wrote on here as their response to the starting line of this post. I am sorry that I handled things wrong! I'm protective & it's just hard not sticking up for my online family when I feel someone is being attacked! I just need to remember that they're in a simular very stressful situation & maybe in some way they're trying to help & just don't know how to convey their thoughts in any other way. Maybe they're at their wits end & given them being in a more normal situation they would choose their words better, too. That's what I was saying that Bobbie was right about, is that we don't need to alienate others who may or probably need to be here to vent to help them & for them to be able to better help their loved one. Boy, this whole thing has been a life changing opportunity to learn & grow as a person in more ways than can be expressed! I hope to be a better person through all of what we're going through! I hope what I'm saying is making sense. I need to remember that I need to treat others the way that I would want to be treated!
I hope that all of you guys will have a special day with your loved one. Make some good memories! Lots of love! Peach
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love that Deef!
OK, back and the gangplank was still there!! Made it a lot easier to get back on the boat.
Naw, we are not stronger than you are Christina, we have leaned on each other till we list in the wind. We do know the trick of calling out for help, just like you did today.
it really does work.
I hear you on the See's Candy. I gained a ton of weight during caregiving from stress eating (anybody else?) to eating the dinners that my mom asked for and then didn't want.
I always made a little plate for her and that's probably the only reason I don't have a lap band.
some caregivers drink, some roll a fattie, some have a xanax, I did Prozac and Xanax until maybe 2 months ago. I took myself off using a calendar until I realized that I had gotten out of bed and gone about my day without pills for about a week so I just stuck with it.
Damn Skippy it's depressing and if you saw it any other way you'd be for real nuts.
Wait a minute...
ooofff. had to let my roll out to breathe... nice dinner.
i bet i cut quite a picture. Sitting here on the boat with the Cat trying her best to lay ON the computer, my roll catching a breeze and my Flowbee haircut. thasrite.
Keep up your appearance I always say......
more later.
lovbob
Don't you hate keeping up appearances? I do when I need a lift, but for me, not for anyone else. Can we all come to the boat and just let it all hang out? Could make for some good pictures!!!
Austin, love the Maxine jokes! Have an ornament of her for my X-mas tree.
Made a big pot of potato leek soup today. It is delicious! Made Mom one of her mom's recipes and gave her some for supper. She was gobbling it down just fine, so I checked on the dinner I was cooking for hubby and was gone 5 minutes. When I checked on her again, she had taken her stew and rubbed it allover the inside and outside of the toaster oven. Gross!!! I didn't know where to start. She was rubbing the table down with it by then. So she had oatmeal for dinner. I asked her what she thought she was doing with the stew, and she said I'm cleaning with the cleanser, what am I supposed to use?
You just never know what is going on in their heads. every minute of every day is a challenge.
Linda, you are caregiver of the year! you are so patient with your Pa.
Tenny, Give them "Good ole boys" Hell!
Miz, I believe your Mom chose her time well. She knew how stressed you were and didn't want to cause you more. As caregivers, we not only lose our loved ones, but a way of life that we get locked into. I truly believe our biggest challenge is getting back into life and a normal routine. 24/7 takes up all of our time for so long, we don't know how to get past the shock of not having to be on our toes all the time. There is no time limit on getting your life back. You will get past this and be a lot richer for it. Take as long as you need. We're not going anywhere!
Jam, You lost your mom, but still have your hands full! You are a special person!
Peach, How are feeling? Hope you don't get any more snow to slide on!
Rossella, great words of wisdom as always! Happy to have you back!
Ssk, how is it in Hyannis? Got lots of sun and 30's here. Hit near 50 on New Years Day.
I know I'm missing a lot of you. Been reading all the posts, but getting behind here, so have to stay away from the computer to get caught up. I'll try to catch up with everyone more often.
Kathy
I've found it's virtually impossible to get most of my family to realize/except/understand/get a freakin' clue (pick your poison), as to what's happening to the matriarch of us bunch of dunderheads.
My brothers just want, or need, to believe, that sure, Mama's just getting "a little forgetful", because that's just what old folks do.
Well, a little forgetful, that went out the door a long time ago.
I mean I know since I'm with her all the time, it tends to come to me in smaller more gradual increments (except those times like you mentioned, with the French press, and it beans you like a 90 mph fastball, right between the eyes..Oh do.I hate those!), it's like trying to watch a beautiful plant grow, only backwards, you see it, but not quite all the time,.
So the few times a year my brothers see her, and for the short amount of time they do, it's apparent they only see what they want to see...it never fails to floor me
You'd think when she's called her own sons by the wrong names, it might sink in a little bit (we all look absolutely nothing alike, by the way)...one might also think they might figure this was a sign, that juuust maybe, they should spend a little more time with her, make a date with her and do some stuff, at least while they still have the chance.
Mama can engage and interact pretty well still, she just won't remember it by the next day in all likely hood, though she can surprise me on the occasion, usually about plans to get something yummy the day after I mention it, like say a hot fudge sundae...oh yeah, she's still got some squirrel in that noodle factory somewhere, it just comes out less & less...and less, as this journey continues.
Time is slippin' away, but they choose to believe there's all the time in the world, I can only suppose anyway.
(I know I'm not saying anything folks on here don't already know, it just feels good to say 'em, as I also know, you know)
Okay, so right now, we're starting to deal with basal cell skin cancer.
Mama had a spot on her arm that was cut out about a month ago, no big deal, right? (well the skin doc said not to worry...hmm, and just how do you do that by the way?...I mean the medical community has been trying, and succeeding, to scare the ever livin' crap out of us by just mentioning the word cancer since I was in diapers..now I'm told not to worry..okey dokey doc, got it in one o' healer of the dermis)
So today, we have to go and get go in for a full body cancer treasure hunt...yeah, they found treasure.
They cut a hole in her cute little chin (you can damn near put a whole pencil eraser in to it), and now we wait for the biopsy...ahhh, no sweat, I mean after all, I was told not to worry by a medical professional, right?
So, I left my brothers messages, almost seven hours ago, I'm still waiting for them to call me back...hmm, maybe they already got the heads up on that not to be all worryin' about basal cell cancer thing.
What I really think is, since Mama didn't call 'em about it, they figure it isn't big deal (and it probably really isn't, did I mention I was told not to worry)...and ya know somethin' else, she wouldn't have bothered them anyway twenty years ago, not with their great big busy bee lives, she would have called me, when I lived over a hundred miles away.
Well the jokes on them, because of right now, Mama doesn't have a clue how she got that big ol' hole in her pretty chinny chin chin.
Time is slippin' away for them to connect, and time sure don't have an agenda, it just is, til it ain't.
It's their loss, and I figure I got much better, and way more important things to do, than be spinnin' my wheels pitchin' to them about their very own Mama...so what do ya think, should I try getting through again?
(um, I told her a little while ago, that she got her "busted chin" in a bar fight over a five dollar pool game, and she lost...the pool game, not the fight...oh, and she still owed me five bucks..she looked at me rather skeptically, said I had to be makin' that #*@$ up, 'cause she sure as shootin' would surely remember losin' at 8-ball :-)...ya just gotta love 'er!)
I know I sound very simplistic, but I guess cancer (if cancer is) it is not too dangerous in old age...
Speaking of hands, every morning, Mom looks at her hands like she has never seen them before! I'm thinking she is back in time and younger in her mind, and wondering whose hands she is looking at.
Welcome home!
I agree with you on the folks that got thrown overboard.
It's hard for this crew to listen to the bs but I think that we have to change our tact and be inclusive.
It's my fault because at the time I just typed and hit post.
I wasn't in the mood, so
Oh Bite Me...... came out.
None of us are in the mood for it, but speaking for myself, I think I can tone it down somewhat and answer more with humor.
This is still the Grossed Out thread and what i would love for us to do is to see those folks not so far along on their journeys or not handling the unsettling reality of what is happening/coming.
Or, tear them a new one, up to you guys.
I am going to try and take my own advice.
Pat!
I can't imagine your pain, brother. Deef!
I didn't have idiot siblings, mom just had some hardcore idiot friends.
Mom's friends just couldn't accept it and I was the bad guy.
It was a nightmare for me and they were just her friends. I really can't imagine what it's like to try and deal with siblings who refuse to get it.
Mom's friends would take her out and disappear with her for HOURS and not tell me where they were. 'We'll show her!...'
the stress that I experienced for so many years brings me to the next phase of caregiving:
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
PTSD
Or
Post Idiot Sibling Survival Disorder
PISSD.
who would blame you?
lovbob
7900!!!
BOAT TIME!!!!
lovbob
Agree about not jumping on the "shame on you'ers" when then so obliviously stumble upon this chat and find them selves offended and annoyed with us. Just tell em straight out it is an old but on going post when people set out frustrations and daily hassles to share with others doing the same thing...
Bobbie did they get the boat un stuck? hehehee...
Hope everyone is doing ok...minus things like "Leek Cleanser"...hmm maybe it has some antibacterial properties?...
Okay, I have not read all the posts but I want to tell my story. I was at work today and one of the employees came in with her new baby. She was zipped up in a carrier so I asked her if the baby was a boy or girl. So then I got REALLY busy. This employee came around to my counter and waited behind me while I waited on a bunch of customers and other stuff. She just waited for me. As soon as I could I walked over and saw her new baby girl. Her name is Alison. I asked when she was born and I thought she said Dec. 1. And said, really that long ago? And she said yeah. And I said oh I was gone. I got to thinking about it and I realized Mom passed the day before. As she was leaving I said to her that I didn't even know her first name. She told me and I said You gave me a gift today. I started crying. I told her that my mom passed away on Nov. 30th and seeing her baby made me feel better. She probably thought I was nuts. It's like a circle of life thing. I was crying so I went to the bathroom. Anyways, the lord works in mysterious ways. I told her my mom was a wonderful lady. :)
peace, baby.
lovbob
I try to be very understanding with new people ~ however ~ how can you miss Pamela's head floating in the ocean, her comment & the other historic comments that followed .... You need to realize these folks don't need to be preached to!
Miz!!! You were right in there!
I've had enough Pollyanna's & 'know it alls' in my life that I like to weed them out fast. Growing up with 3 brainy older brothers must have set my standards.
I try to be as nice & compassionate as possible. When someone insults or belittles my honorable friends ... thats a whole nother story.
Fear of death, anger, loss, guilt, what ever we all have it but, they set up their own misery...
You only need to take care of yourself best you can, you worked hard and gave all you had and were THERE...You deserve thanks and support and love not grief and hassles and recrimination or to deal with their issues after the fact....(or during).
Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We live by encouragement and die without it - slowly, sadly, angrily.
- Celeste Holm
“Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal” - Robert Collier
As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Peach
An physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
"Can you hear me NOW?"
"You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
"If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
"Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
Smile!
Love you,
Peach
I know I sound very simplistic, but I guess cancer (if cancer is) it is not too dangerous in old age.."
I'm trying to find and so to figure out, the potential benefits vs. the potential overall harm another, and new, procedure could or might cause.
What's the risk to vs. what's the risk not to...I need odds, I need quantifiers, I need what I don't know what I need to know, know what I'm sayin'?
See her arm was done right there in the skin doctors office, using local anesthetic with me sitting right there talking to her, and keeping her occupied, but they said if she does have this spot of cancer on her face, they won't do it there,
She'll have to go to a general surgeon in our hospital, likely using a general anesthetic...but I don't know that for a fact,,,yet.
I do know this, Mama ain't likely to be havin' somebody monkeyin' around on her face, without her flippin' a super supreme big Mama type fuss after about a minute (that used to be a grand thing to watch I'm here to tell ya), especially if I'm not in the room
I don't trust a doctor, especially one I don't know and haven't met, to hear what I have to say, much less do much more than pretend to listen to me...I think they think I don't look all too bright or something, and we definitely don't need another wacky little misunderstanding where security becomes involved.
Oh sure, some may say "incident", but I think that's much too strong a word, with waayyy too many negative connotations..
(them big deal hospital folk is just a tad bit jumpy, not to mention a wee too pretentious, at least in my uneducated estimation)
Well I have some time to do my homework, and figure it all out if and when it come to it.
Thanks for that!
"Pat, I gave up on my sibs. Figure if they want to know about Mom, they will call. No sense getting my panties in a twist anymore. Makes life much easier!"
Yeah I'm up with that, and I did cut 'em all loose a while back.
It only bothers me because it's not like she doesn't remember she has other kiddos, but she won't say anything, she might be losing stuff, but her pride sure ain't one of 'em,
We've got a lot of pictures on the wall, of everybody in the family through the years, and she looks at them a bunch, but I don't really have a clue what's going on inside her little punkin' head when she does...I figure she wonders sometimes.
Hey ya know, oddly enough, twisting panties use to be a quite favorite hobby of mine, at least at one time in a galaxy far far away.
I can't say I personally owned any but....
Yeah yeah, I'll just be seein' my own self out ;-)
Hey, before I scoot, really, thanks everybody for lettin' me drop some cobwebs, and I promise on my honor as an ex carny, I'll try and come with something really super gross, you know, befitting such an esteemed crowd!
(I just don't think the moldy pineapple upside down cake, with red and green maraschino cherries, to make it all Christmasy of couse, and um, nicely camouflaged as it turned out, isn't gonna quite cut it)
My mother's doctor, in the very little village I live in, is an amazingly good one. When I lived in Rome, the big town, my mother was treated by a list of assholes. This one is really good. He gives us good advices, he sends us in the right places, he comes to our house when he is called! Unbelievable. When my mother called (20 years ago) our family doctor the night my father had a heart attack, he (the doctor) said: "call an ambulance" and he went back to sleep! Needless to say, all the family abandoned that doctor the following day and chose another one (and he lost a lot of money)
Going back to the "shame on yous", I believe they are more grossed out than we are, they are so grossed out and so ashamed to be grossed out, that they pretend they are not (Lucy Van Pelt, 5cent psychiatric help!!!) So they have to be helped bit by bit, they have to be gently taken to the "path of awareness"....
You're right about what you were saying about the "newbie's"! That's what my prior post was about, in that I have toasted a few for what they wrote on here as their response to the starting line of this post. I am sorry that I handled things wrong! I'm protective & it's just hard not sticking up for my online family when I feel someone is being attacked! I just need to remember that they're in a simular very stressful situation & maybe in some way they're trying to help & just don't know how to convey their thoughts in any other way. Maybe they're at their wits end & given them being in a more normal situation they would choose their words better, too. That's what I was saying that Bobbie was right about, is that we don't need to alienate others who may or probably need to be here to vent to help them & for them to be able to better help their loved one. Boy, this whole thing has been a life changing opportunity to learn & grow as a person in more ways than can be expressed! I hope to be a better person through all of what we're going through! I hope what I'm saying is making sense. I need to remember that I need to treat others the way that I would want to be treated!
I hope that all of you guys will have a special day with your loved one. Make some good memories! Lots of love! Peach