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I agree with that, Austin. :)
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I don't think my life will ever be the same again. I have absolutely no regrets taking of my dad, and now mom. Mom and I are so lost now, such an emptiness..... My grieving is so different than my sibs. Papa was my best friend, and so is mom. So we have both lost our best friend and the pain in the butt too lol lol.... Got up early to go to the funeral home to pick up the death cert, just walking in there wore me out. All I keep thinking is I just wanted more time with him.... Selfish of me, i know.... I kid all the time, saying thanks papa you left me with mom thanks alot ...... and left me to handle all of this financial and house stuff tooo ...... I sound awful i know..... Now I have to be sure to keep mom busy, we fight alot, we hug and make up ten min later....Thank god for Austin our dog, papas best buddy... ok going to make coffee, hope to get on here later... Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone, all of you are angels and have been a god send to mom and i. Angie
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thanks austin and Miz and GP and Rossella and and and love you guys a LOT!!

Pat! When the human body is cut upon it takes a long time to recover. The older we are the longer it takes.
Hit the Internet and find out what long term survival rates are with your mom's type of skin cancer vs her prognosis with dementia. Your answer will be in there.
this is just another reason to really be in touch with the dementia. The medical community is still interested in making bank and we all know about the unnecessary crap that goes on so you can draw your own conclusions.

my Mom had a few carbunkles on her and I did get them off and they were biopsied but they were benign. She still had one on her arm that looked awful but the skin doc in BH said, just leave it be. Cutting it off will cause her more stress than just leaving it. We took the growth off of her nose so whe would feel pretty.
Doctors want to cut. They can't help it and many don't have a working understanding of geriatrics.
When Mom and I went to LA, I took her to Beverly Hills geriatric guys and the difference was amazing between these guys and Backward, NJ where everything was so low end and base.
The heart guy took me aside and told me about the murmur and the 2 leaky valves and then later said to her:
OK! looking good and I'll see you in a year!
Mom was so amped and happy, he gave her such a gift.
The skin guy said (After biopsy and before results) basically what I am telling you.
There are certainly many great healers out there but in my experience they are in the minority.
It's like building contractors. A recent study found that only 20%, TWO in ten actually knew what they were doing.
With docs, i have no idea but I do know that it's not anywhere near 100% that have a clue and because of so many outside influences, how many have a clue and give a sh!!? numbers keep dropping.

Rossella! I wanted to let you know that I have found out that many people are reading this thread from stem to stern. Readers and not posters.
I know that when i was taking care of mom I would have read the print offa this thing because that's all I was trying to do is get info and I realized that there were brick walls around so many subjects related to caregiving with dementia so I walked into the bathroom and my mom was coming out and there were hairs pokin out my toothbrush......

Thanks mom for helping so many people. I miss you and daddy so much.

lovbob
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Angie - You are a good kind soul. Hang in there. I find a lot of strength in you. Thank you for that. :)

-SS
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Wow angie, I was just crying over my mom and dad too.
Grief. Who ever came up with 'Good grief'?

glad to see from you and hope to see you here later.

lovbob
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Docs with brains WILL NOT mess with cutting something off the face because of the cranial nerve that runs through.....cut that and you cause a Bell's Palsy-like paralysis,,,,non-reversible.
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Amen Jam!

wish I could find folks like you and your husband to take care of me!

half scared to death of going to a doc....
Been told I was going to die: twice!
been told I needed a big operation or I would die.
(15 years ago)

ehhh.. no surprise I'm skittish.

love you Jam and your voice of reason.

how are you feeling today and how is the COL?

lovbob
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Bobbie: "Good grief" is a thing Charlie Brown often said. Is this you wanted to know?
You are the wisest captain we could have.
Georgia you are the best sailor! You know why I say it.
Angie, 15 years after my father's death, I don't leave him alone even where he is. I talk to him all the time. Sometimes I call him outloud (when I am alone in the fields, of course) Many times I am angry at him, and I explain to him why. I have not made a saint out of him, just because he is dead. I am keeping with him the same relationship we had in life. If this is a way to keep our dead ones alive, I sure keep my father alive a lot. As a result, I am convinced that he intervenes in our lifes when the situation gets difficult. At least, this is what I feel. I also had some very convincing signs of his presence, during these years.
Your father is not lost for you...you have just to find another level of communication. If you know him well, you will know what he wants to tell you, even if you don't actually hear his voice. I know even too well what my father expects from me, that's why I am here working my guts out!
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It's 6:30 am in California, and this is the first time I could get on here. Thank you all for your support. I have Coffee, my Bed is my BOAT.
I went back to read the posts since the last time i posted, and I agree with Rossellamex--she is so wise and thoughtful--about not jumping on newbies for their "gross mistakes" and judging us for being upset about hairs in toothbrushes. Made me think more than twice about the need to embrace each other, new and old alike, with our compassion. A laugh, and a "oh, you did it, too. Let us explain.." would be a great response. I was guilty of taking the defensive mode, too, and it is truly with the intention of Protecting Our Own, Mama Grislies, and Papa Bears, so to speak. How bold of me to admit, within a month of being here, I DID feel part of the family, so diverse, yet linked by caring, and going beyond the daily work, market, carpool kind of lifestyle.
Two nights in a row Mother has wet the bed. First night, I put depends on her and changed the bed. Second night caregiver called me to tell me she forgot to put them on her before she left and I said, oh, she won't do it 2 nights in a row. OK, so I'm off to Sit and Sleep later to buy another mattress protector so I have an alternate. She is starting to see "all the people looking at her" in the living room. Cat is sleeping consistently downstairs on 'catchair' and follows us into bathroom to 'help' Mother pee. Weekend girl is moving in this week since she lost her apt--God moves in mysterious ways, yes.
Bobbie, I believe it was Charlie Brown--who shares my Sept 28 birthday, btw--who coined the phrase,"Good Grief", although Shakespeare could have said it. What's good about grief, to me, is that it eventually cleanses and dissolves. All things keep moving, live die, up down, in out, sad happy, but a Boat is a Boat, no matter what. Thank you again, to Kathy the deefer, Jam, Jsomebody, Peach, Sue, Rossellamex, Miz sweetheart, Angie, RIP one, Linda Heart, SS,, TruElizabeth, and NewPat, all those who think you have been cast off, you have not; and oh yea, the Captain. Love, many thanks, Hugs, christina
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bobbie....I'm actually doing pretty good this morning.....have to take COL's dog to vet and then onto Wal-Mart, my least favorite place in the world. Hubby will be at home sleeping, worked last night. Tonight will be the show of shows by younger sibs and grandchildren.....going to give them their space to put on an act...my goodbye to Mom was done with dignity and I will not allow myself to witness a false show of grief. Nuff said...................................
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Good for you Jam! Have fun at Walmart. Have to go there myself today. Yuck!!!
Peach, I was slammed by a few in the beginning, but was not chased away. Figured people were having a bad day and I hung in there for the support I could get and hopefully give back. I try not to take things too personally and give myself time to ponder a situation before acting on it.
Christina, the bed wetting will get worse. Meds make them relax so much they can't help it. Mom has problems going because of PD and is in pull ups 24/7. I order them from medical warehouses and have found the best there is. If you need the info, let me know. Also, order some washable chux pads to place under your mom at night. They keep the entire bed from getting soaked. I spent many a day washing everything, yes, even her pillow, until I got the pads and the better pull-ups.
Angie, Your dad is still with you!
Bobbie, hope you are feeling better today.
Rossella, It's happy colors for you!!!
Hope you all have a good day! Kathy
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oops, and tennessee and lil tenny. Rossellamex: when my brother passed in 2003, I found a PILE of dimes on the floor of the backseat of my car. That got my attention. I mentioned it to my son, who had worked on cars with brother. When bro would finish waxing a car, he would say,"Shines like a dime"--but the accurate phrase is "shines like a diamond in a goat's a--". He changed it so as not to offend my young son:) lol
Anyway, since then, I find dimes on the ground, forget pennies--I still see pennies, but someone puts dimes in my path. Often, when I am contemplating an issue, a dime shows up. I have found them on my walks on the bridle trail, in parking lots, on the kitchen counter--yes, just sitting there, as if placed from above. I feel my brother, I hear him in his personality style speak to me, and it is comforting. He is starting to speak to me about Mother, and about our other brother. I don't think it's weird at all. Life is a circle, different dimensions, some things we just cannot see.
In fact, joke time: my wonderful step-father who was my Mother's third husband, not the last one, used to say when he would see a seemingly mismatched couple, "He/She must have something you cant see". LOL hahaha
He was from TENNESSEE!!! WHOO HOO!!!! christina xoxo
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good morning to u all .
funny talk about dimes and pennies , i pulled up at wendys drive thru and drop a quarter , opened the door to get em ah theres a penny and a dime laying next to it , couldnt get the dime cuz it was stuck to the pavement , but i got the penny and gave the lady the quarter , maybe that dime was for u christina :-) .
pat u were talking about cancer on the skin . they need to come out . my dad has had cancer all over his face and arms . they hurt and he is all the time picking at it , once theyre removed its all good . his ears would have a growth on it , it grew a horn ! his forehead would grow a horn too . nasty lit shit . they do hurt and its painful . now he has another growth on his arm . notice its not so bad now cuz he s been wearing long sleave shirt . that prevents him pickin on it .
go get em cut out . yep it has to be done at the hospital . knock pa out and he s in lala land . no pain no stress and happy when he wakes up , ready for wendys . :-)
pa s feeling alot better and im just starting to feel lit better myself . still blowing brains out .
speaking of walmart grrrr went there yesterday and told my daughter dont let me forget to get dad some briefs (pullups) ok mom . left walmart and pulled up in d rive way ah shit we didnt get briefs ! . wasnt going back to town , 319 a gal of gas and i live out in the country ah forget it . we have some briefs here that i do not like previel , its not as good as depends . guess will use them up till i go back to town .
going to make a pot of veg soup today , yum yum . you all have a wonderful day . xoxoxo
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Hi Linda--we're all connected. I bet if I bent over to pick up that same dime it would have let go. lol I'm always forgetting something: go to the bedroom to get a sweater, see the towels on the floor, pick them up and put in the hamper, then remember there's clothes in the washer, need to put in the dryer, open the washer, see the pants I was supposed to take to the dry cleaners--uh oh--write that down, sit back down at the table to finish feeding my Mother, and wonder why I'm still cold and what I went into bedroom for. It's a girl thing.
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I worked in a donut shop and I crazy glued a dime to the counter by the register and glued a quarter to the sidewalk outside where we all could see it.
Made for some great entertainment!

I saw a lot of money on the ground after my dad died. It really is cool how it works.

Off to work on the boat.

love ALL you guys and glad to see you Christina!

lovbob
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I'm still feeling so tired. Wide awake at 5 am. Tried to nap but didn't have much luck. I'm going to work at 1:00 today. Usually 1:30 on Tuesdays but I want to make up my time for when I go to the doc tomorrow. I'm so much more depressed now than before. Really sucks. Sorry, I sound like a broken record I am sure. Jam, you are amazing.

love,
miz
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Just finished doing some of the paperwork for mom, the ss and pension stuff, getting death certs out in the mail asap.... it just sucks because to get some of the paperwork, i had to keep going in papa's room..... tear up real bad every time..... Honestly i think that is going to be it for me for today. i have never really been an emotional person, but it seems like i am making up for it now for sure....... the tears just come out of nowhere....sorry to be "debbie downer guys".... Mom is a hot mess for sure.... i swear she is like a bird, just going around in circles..... and to top it off, the dog has been constipated, yuk, yes even though papa is not here, i am still cleaning poop lol lol It is freezing here burrrr............... going to put on comfy j
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continuing on here since i cut myself off lol...... jammies and watch some silly tv maybe nap and knit..... and oh yes, wait for 4 pm for my martini.....
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ohyes , christina u sound just like me , heck i even made a list to take to the store and oops where did that list go , ahh sittin on the table at home . duh . call home hey honey read that list ! sometimes i dont even get everything on the list either , oh hell i didnt see that one !
speakin of cold yep im cold , need go find me a sweater . i bought 2 brand new lighters few weeks ago and guess what theyre gone ! im using my lighter that is almost out of fulid , shit wheres my lighter . i didnt go anywhere to lose em . maybe theyre layin outside somewhere ? maybe thats a sign of somebody upstairs is pullin atrick on me ? ill just go buy me more lighters . oh yes forgot to do that yesterday too . lol .
you all have a great day .
bobbie ure funny , glue coins every where , u sure know how to make someone smile . love u bunch ! xoxo
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angi , youre sweetheart . take ur time u have all day . xoxox
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angie, you have never experienced this before. The tears are oh so natural. Cry as much as you need to. Nothing wrong with it. At least you are getting it out. Be kind to yourself and just do a little of the sad stuff at a time. Pace yourself. It will get done. Love you lots!!

miz
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Shopping day maybe become Tuesdays now on, quiet during week and no grandpa to deal with could turn out to be a good thing...waiting for Adult Day Health bus to come get him...Not much else here...Thank God.
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I still haven't done those damn thank you notes. I wish I had done them when I was feeling better.
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J, how is your plant doing?
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Still ok sittin in Southern basement window...
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Some people like their picture takin some people don't-done for today.By mistake I took some pictures of some guys doing drug crap-They ran after me hollaring.I was looking at a trailor not underpenned,I now understand what the problem is I am one of the few people who don't have broken down couchs and appliances on their front porch-I knew there was a reason I didn't fit in.From what I could tell from driving around,having old furniture and appliances on your front porch must be a requirement to get VIP privelges around here. Guess I'll check on it..Old TIRE collecting seems to be a hobby for most also.Last week at cityhall books were public friendly-this week I understand there is a new privacy law.
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PLEASE be careful Tenny!
Can you hire someone to dig the dirt?
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Worlds full of cowards.
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yes .... cowards without ethics.
Don't risk yourself!
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PS ~
I know you know being related to one.
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