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Deef... What can I say? As long as we have the courage of sitting with a cup of coffee after an ordeal like this, it means we still have a crumb of strength! During Xmas hols I did not have to work and I slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept everywhere at any time
p.s. What do you use as an additive -disinfectant for the laundry? Lately I have started to use muriatic acid! I have to find some $, go to a market and buy many many many sweaters for mom because after so much washing they could fit a 2 years old baby
oh Kathy! How in the world do you do it??? You guys who deal with that & the 'behavior' ... you have such patience!
Diane ~ Years ago my dad was in the hospital for an extended stay. Over two months after AAA heart surgery. His long time doctor, who visited a couple times a week, had his seditives so high he was either out of it or agitated. Social workers told me to give up that he would be a vegetable. Neither happened. Somehow I kept arriving at med time & the ativan missed it's intended target. within 3 days he was corherent & wondering what he was doing there. If he had been stronger the term all hell breaking loose would apply. I broke him out & found him an assisted living place.
Soon after his regular doc took a much needed vacation. Not a bad guy but I think he was exhausted & needed a break from medicine. I know I'd be burned out after dealing with some of the patients, rushing back & forth from office to hospital!
Then we met up with Dr. Dan who worked in the same clinic. I had met Dan several times & was always impressed, yet Dad was stubborn about sticking with his 'regular' guy. ah HA! This time he hadn't a choice! One visit with Dr. Dan & suddenly going to the doctor became a welcome event! Dan is 12 days older than me which is always a good ribbing, his MA's are treated with respect, appreciate him so in turn they know to treat / tease us. Plus all the staff love "Sir" & he is treated like royalty. We are very lucky!
Is there a referral service in your area? I really should write Dan a nice review but I don't want him too popular. We usually have a short wait for an appointment.
Have you guys seen the horrid account in the news with some creatures raping folks in facilities. They don't have all the facts out to the public. It is here in CA. They received these friggin tapes last March and just now alerting the public. 8 creatures...they are posting 4 of their ugly mugs now...FK....the thought of a nursing homes gives me the creeps now.
Rossella, yes my mom has slowed down a lot within the last month as well. She does not like to eat too much either...she used to be such a good eater, not anymore :-(
Diane, yes getting refills is like going to Hell and back with these offices. I go through nightmarish situations with these bitches in the front offices and physicians assistants...the folks at the pharmacy are dolls giving out a few at these times...bless them totally!!!!!! My mom does not like to go to doc either, and she has a psych appt on Monday....you know they won't give you none until you show up....whatever happened to doctor's visits for home....do they really think these decling folks are up to these friggin office visits...yeah where is the compassion in the friggin health care system. You can't get old nor sick anymore in society..they make every thing so hard and intolerable! They need to address this crapola in the health care plan in CONGRESS.
Everyday they announce so many baby-boomers are going to be in this predicament...ONCE AGAIN THEY DO NOT DO ANYTHING P-R-O-A-C-T-I-V-E or INTELLGENT in this country/congress. Cause the friggin congress farts are rich enough to handle all this stuff in another degree than poor or middle class folks. Fckrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PoopQueens they are, yep my mom can join the club of poopqueen...lol. Sad I know...it's terrible when you get to this stage it really is. The caregiver has to clean up mom more and more lately. I will see how she is for when I give care over the weekend to see how she really is.
Oh, I was not lucky enough to get the jab from Nance...oh well. I don't know what the entire ordeal is, I just saw the post about bear/lamp and others are held godlike. I don't know what spurned on most of it. I hope she finds peace somehow.
Bobbie, emails about what/who...you lost me on your last post...was it all from Nance or asst'd folks?
Seems there is some tension running through the thread, what folks need to remember is what is ultimately the task at hand and remember that and that might keep them focused.
Even if I never meet Bobbie or anyone else here or ever go on Bobbie's boat for a mini cruise around the harbour...it is still a nice place to come and give hugs and share our caregiving plights good or bad.
Hi Crew, I always share my gripes with you but I have to share a laugh with you too.
I've had to stay home with mom two days this week because my 3 caregivers are ill or having their own family issues. Well mom just asked who come to her tomorrow. I answered "It's Saturday and I'll be here. You have me". As dry as can be she says "S..t" and starts laughing. We both had a good laugh. It was nice to hear her with a sense of humor.
Ahhh, a moment to relax, well, for a moment or thirty five, while I wait for the dark chocolate brownies to scent the air, say thanks for just wondering, and howdy! Howdy! Busy busy days, and nights too really...nothing quite like being wiped out, now is there? We've had vehicle problems, which is nothing earth shaking, unless your in the middle of Blimpgumpwtf Nowhere, and then it can be a challenge..Hhmmph, .fate should never tempt ME, is what I'm sayin' ;-) ! My boots were made for, well they were made for high steppin' through steamy pile of farm crap, but I can make 'em do some walkin' in pinch. But more importantly, the telephone is made for calling, and threa, uhhh, making strong suggestions, to ones brothers, to get one, or the others, big fat keisters, on top of a bad situation. I am happy to report they did, and still are as a matter of fact...why yes, yes I did pert near find religion now that you mention it, but then they know, I know, where they live! Now if I was to be cynical (not a stretch, I fully admit), I 'd say it was because it's Mama's birthday weekend that resulted in so much unity & cooperation (it's today as a matter of fact, thus the yummylicious brownies...oh my word the smell is just killin' me), and it would be such bad form not to (and of course their attachment to various personal appendages doesn't hurt...like it could), but I'd much rather prefer to think, they just wanted to lend a hand when it was needed the most...kudos & big props for my brothers! Sadly they weren't here for her birthday supper earlier, of Chicken Alfredo on Angel Hair Pasta (reasonably low fat, but come on, it's her Birthday), so that was a bit disappointing, but on the other hand, more brownies for us, is our motto! But they both did call and gave her cards & wee Mama like gifts, so between that, and making some cruises for me when I needed 'em most, not too bad...and as an added bonus, we stay off the local nightly news ;-) .. My sick little truck is out of ICU now, and should be released be the 'morrow, and a brother is in the wings waiting (in great anticipation no doubt) for the call to deliver us back to transportation independence! I'm shopping for a spare ride on Monday :-) ! I shall return as the frazzle frizzles into a more manageable kewl schnizzle! Care, Peace, Patrick
Good God I post this in another post:---------------------------
"Granted, you can't change any one. You can change yourself pick your battles. I have a family abuse history and years of therapy. There are tools for dealing with difficult people, books on it as well look up at library or self help sections in books stores. You need to distance yourself either emotionally or literally, or both. I have done both with various people at various times. the thing is to remember YOU deserve to be treated with respect and if you are not engaging in the abuse yourself or sending it back at em you have no reason to put up with the BS they dump on you. Remind yourself you are a good person, stay connected if you must for business and safety sake BUT REMIND YOURSELF THIS PERSON HAS A PROBLEM AND IT is not you. IT IS them. If THIS IS A GENUINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, THOUGH SOME MELLOW WITH AGE, THEY ARE APT TO BE ENTRENCHED LIFE LONG COPING SKILLS THAT WILL CONTINUE TO CAUSE YOU PAIN AND ANNOYANCE AS THEY COME FROM PEOPLE YOU LOVE, WOULD LIKE TO LOVE, USED TO LOVE, WITH LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU, SHOULD HAVE LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU USED TO OR JUST DON'T.
Sorry hit cap lock, but it is important. When loved ones are as toxic to you as strangers who care nothing for you and do nothing but cause harm out of selfishness, disregard ignorance or it just being who they are it hurts and it effect every aspect of you life.
You need to put your needs first here or risk being either turned into one of them and taking it out on the world or being whittled down to a non-entity who doesn't believe you deserve any better and you DO.
Take care of yourself, make friends outside the family system, always remind yourself when talking to this person they are not going to improve , this is always the main spring of who they are with you and do not keep waiting for it to clear up or get better or go away.
Now when I have to deal with people in my family I remind myself they are still playing these games, have issues that are THERE PROBLEM NOT MINE! and I am not afraid of them anymore. I AM the authority on MY life, I choose what is of value to me and what They think of me, does not matter.
Too long a post? But a serious issue for anyone dealing with it,and many here are...Best Wishes...."
AND then my mom comes in here and snipes at me..."I need you to call the vet and....."
"I just did he is having his least Glucose test and should be ready to go at 4:00.."
"Did they say what it is going to cost?"
"No, but they are not done yet..."
'''''"I REALLY NEED TO know THAT !?""" BLAH BLAH BLAH SNEER SNEER SNAP SNAP SNEER...CRAB CRAB JUST SHOOT ME!
"they AREN'T DONE YET...i CAN call BACK AND ask..."
Jesus LET ME DIE IN A CAR CRASH ON THE WAY TO THE VET...i AM SO SICK OF ALL THIS!!!!
So much for not pushing buttons eh...I can't see that her retiring has helped any. she doesn't, I don't know, she is more angry more upset more addled, more confused pissed off worried about money she doesn't have coming in anymore. I was doing all the crap before, she thought it was nothing she is now finding 24 7 with her father to be quite quite annoying...Hell they yell at each other snap far more, that didn't happen with me....
Linda, I'm glad that Pa's doing better! Maybe he'll recharge his batteries off of the grandkids! You're such a good daughter to him & a caring Mom as well, to let them go shopping alone & you're happy for them instead of gripping! How in the world do you do everything you do & still stay so cheerful? You're pretty amazing, lady! : )
Diane, I love your critter pic, too! Pretty baby! It's not that we've done anything to have all of this stuff thrust upon us. We're just either the compassionate one in the family, or maybe there's no one else for the loved one to be able to depend on. Seems like the rest of the family instinctivly know who will be the caregiver & unfortunately sometimes they take advantage of it. OK, a lot of the time they'll take advantage of it. I know it's not fair, but what else are we to do? There's something in us that won't let us just walk away, whether it's love, compassion, sympathy, pay backs or even guilt. For most folks, it's love that keeps us in the daily grind of caregiving for our loved ones. And when our work is done we shouldn't have any guilt or remorse, like the others will experience! Just memories of little stolen moments with our loved one...little inside jokes...a favorite meal shared...a smile...a hand squeeze...a look...and an ocasional thank you...not what we're doing it for, but nice none the less. Not sure how to end this...just feeling nostalgic about caring now for my wonderful husband, my Mom (she's 85, still up & running) and in the not so distant past, my Dad & favorite aunt. I miss them, but glad that I had the opportunity to share that closeness with them. I'm glad that they loved me & trusted me to care for them!
Good Evening Everyone. Made it through another week at work and hubby and I plan to clean this house tomorrow. I'm still really tired. It's snowing here now. I don't think they predicted it tonight. We'll see what it looks like in the morning. I wish I had something profound or witty to say but I'm at a loss.
Hi, I'm waiting for the snow which hasn't arrived here yet. Went out to lunch at Friendly's with Mom and neighbors.It was good to get out . Talked to my son in CA. They are coming to visit in May. Can't wait to see them! Nothing gross to report today, I must be immune to it now. Mom poured her cup of hot chocolate on the rug, oh well, just wipe it up with a few paper towels. No biggie.
I was cold so I put on my soft and fluffy white robe I got at Kohls. Hubby and I did most of our Christmas shopping there and so they gave us a gift thingie for $40.00. The robe was marked down to like $14.99. We got a new scale for $19.99. Pretty cool. :) Love a good bargain.
sskape, hubby bought me one for Valentine's Day last year. It's pink. They would be easy to trip on I think. I thought about one for Mom but she was so short I would have had to shorten it way up. She was always pretty warm anyway.
I'm going to miss my mom a lot, I know now. I thought I would just "move on" after, but now I know it's going to be a "process", I soun like a shrink. HI J, crazy drivers on the roads?! How much snow do hyou have out here now?
Jen, as your mother is at home, now, if I were you I would take all the opportunities to go out (go shopping, go to the pharmacy, go to the offices to do the paper work.... anything). And if it takes a long time to do these things, you found traffic, you found people in line, the traffic lights were all red.... Breathe, sister! Pirate: I have started with the Ensure and I hope that in one week my mother recovers some strenght! Those things are amazing. I think part of her depression is due to weather - it is constantly gray and gloomy. Some days ago my nephew posted on Facebook. "I saw a yellow ball in the sky, for five minutes. What was it?" Georgia, nice talk.
Even though I have given up a lot to do this caregiving thing, I'm damned glad I didn't choose to put my Mom in a Nursing Home and just go in to visit . Miz and others , I'm proud of you for taking care of your Mom's and Dad's and allowing them to live their final years with the people they love. There's nothing better than that.
It's been a pleasure as usual, and now I have to go to bed . it's 3 in the night here and tomorrow I have to clean my room's floor, which will take me at least one hour with a very strong brush! Animaks don't help to keep a house clean
J, my hubby calls it a "character disorder". I have received 2 emails from one of my former, self-centered, self-righteous daughters tonight and I'm not sure if I want to shoot myself or her. Lying, nasty, vicious little harpie......spewing hatred at me and saying things that are so off base as to just leave me speechless. Then I find COL has been sitting and peeing in her Tena's instead of getting up and going to the bathroom. She tells me her medicine isn't working, Ditropan, so I said then we will have to go to the doctor's next week. Well holy shit..........she gets in my face and screams "I will not go and who says I have to".....I do and you will do as you are told. Want your Nexium refilled? Then you gotta go......sweet as pie after that. Not a good thing to do right after getting ripped by an insolent little harpie......but you will be glad to know I let the COL live. Mentally I feel on the edge right now so I think I will take my rum and coke and retire to the bedroom and watch something stupid on t.v. Hugz to all!
Jam ~ You got style! Love the way you write! Wish your babyish girl didn't know so much. I remember when kids respected their parents ... well at least I did.
Hope you find some good mindless TV tonight!
Medium & Mentalist. What WOuld YOU do might be to heavy. Glad you're here!
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As long as we have the courage of sitting with a cup of coffee after an ordeal like this, it means we still have a crumb of strength!
During Xmas hols I did not have to work and I slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept slept everywhere at any time
I have to find some $, go to a market and buy many many many sweaters for mom because after so much washing they could fit a 2 years old baby
How in the world do you do it??? You guys who deal with that & the 'behavior' ... you have such patience!
Diane ~
Years ago my dad was in the hospital for an extended stay. Over two months after AAA heart surgery.
His long time doctor, who visited a couple times a week, had his seditives so high he was either out of it or agitated. Social workers told me to give up that he would be a vegetable.
Neither happened. Somehow I kept arriving at med time & the ativan missed it's intended target. within 3 days he was corherent & wondering what he was doing there.
If he had been stronger the term all hell breaking loose would apply.
I broke him out & found him an assisted living place.
Soon after his regular doc took a much needed vacation. Not a bad guy but I think he was exhausted & needed a break from medicine. I know I'd be burned out after dealing with some of the patients, rushing back & forth from office to hospital!
Then we met up with Dr. Dan who worked in the same clinic. I had met Dan several times & was always impressed, yet Dad was stubborn about sticking with his 'regular' guy.
ah HA! This time he hadn't a choice!
One visit with Dr. Dan & suddenly going to the doctor became a welcome event! Dan is 12 days older than me which is always a good ribbing, his MA's are treated with respect, appreciate him so in turn they know to treat / tease us. Plus all the staff love "Sir" & he is treated like royalty.
We are very lucky!
Is there a referral service in your area? I really should write Dan a nice review but I don't want him too popular. We usually have a short wait for an appointment.
Good luck ...
Rossella, yes my mom has slowed down a lot within the last month as well. She does not like to eat too much either...she used to be such a good eater, not anymore :-(
Diane, yes getting refills is like going to Hell and back with these offices. I go through nightmarish situations with these bitches in the front offices and physicians assistants...the folks at the pharmacy are dolls giving out a few at these times...bless them totally!!!!!! My mom does not like to go to doc either, and she has a psych appt on Monday....you know they won't give you none until you show up....whatever happened to doctor's visits for home....do they really think these decling folks are up to these friggin office visits...yeah where is the compassion in the friggin health care system. You can't get old nor sick anymore in society..they make every thing so hard and intolerable! They need to address this crapola in the health care plan in CONGRESS.
Everyday they announce so many baby-boomers are going to be in this predicament...ONCE AGAIN THEY DO NOT DO ANYTHING P-R-O-A-C-T-I-V-E or INTELLGENT in this country/congress. Cause the friggin congress farts are rich enough to handle all this stuff in another degree than poor or middle class folks. Fckrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I was not lucky enough to get the jab from Nance...oh well. I don't know what the entire ordeal is, I just saw the post about bear/lamp and others are held godlike. I don't know what spurned on most of it. I hope she finds peace somehow.
Bobbie, emails about what/who...you lost me on your last post...was it all from Nance or asst'd folks?
Seems there is some tension running through the thread, what folks need to remember is what is ultimately the task at hand and remember that and that might keep them focused.
Even if I never meet Bobbie or anyone else here or ever go on Bobbie's boat for a mini cruise around the harbour...it is still a nice place to come and give hugs and share our caregiving plights good or bad.
Rum to all !!!!
I always share my gripes with you but I have to share a laugh with you too.
I've had to stay home with mom two days this week because my 3 caregivers are ill or having their own family issues. Well mom just asked who come to her tomorrow. I answered "It's Saturday and I'll be here. You have me". As dry as can be she says "S..t" and starts laughing. We both had a good laugh. It was nice to hear her with a sense of humor.
I'll check-in again a little later.
Diane (Flex)
Howdy!
Busy busy days, and nights too really...nothing quite like being wiped out, now is there?
We've had vehicle problems, which is nothing earth shaking, unless your in the middle of Blimpgumpwtf Nowhere, and then it can be a challenge..Hhmmph, .fate should never tempt ME, is what I'm sayin' ;-) !
My boots were made for, well they were made for high steppin' through steamy pile of farm crap, but I can make 'em do some walkin' in pinch.
But more importantly, the telephone is made for calling, and threa, uhhh, making strong suggestions, to ones brothers, to get one, or the others, big fat keisters, on top of a bad situation.
I am happy to report they did, and still are as a matter of fact...why yes, yes I did pert near find religion now that you mention it, but then they know, I know, where they live!
Now if I was to be cynical (not a stretch, I fully admit), I 'd say it was because it's Mama's birthday weekend that resulted in so much unity & cooperation (it's today as a matter of fact, thus the yummylicious brownies...oh my word the smell is just killin' me), and it would be such bad form not to (and of course their attachment to various personal appendages doesn't hurt...like it could), but I'd much rather prefer to think, they just wanted to lend a hand when it was needed the most...kudos & big props for my brothers!
Sadly they weren't here for her birthday supper earlier, of Chicken Alfredo on Angel Hair Pasta (reasonably low fat, but come on, it's her Birthday), so that was a bit disappointing, but on the other hand, more brownies for us, is our motto!
But they both did call and gave her cards & wee Mama like gifts, so between that, and making some cruises for me when I needed 'em most, not too bad...and as an added bonus, we stay off the local nightly news ;-) ..
My sick little truck is out of ICU now, and should be released be the 'morrow, and a brother is in the wings waiting (in great anticipation no doubt) for the call to deliver us back to transportation independence!
I'm shopping for a spare ride on Monday :-) !
I shall return as the frazzle frizzles into a more manageable kewl schnizzle!
Care, Peace, Patrick
"Granted, you can't change any one. You can change yourself pick your battles. I have a family abuse history and years of therapy. There are tools for dealing with difficult people, books on it as well look up at library or self help sections in books stores. You need to distance yourself either emotionally or literally, or both. I have done both with various people at various times. the thing is to remember YOU deserve to be treated with respect and if you are not engaging in the abuse yourself or sending it back at em you have no reason to put up with the BS they dump on you. Remind yourself you are a good person, stay connected if you must for business and safety sake BUT REMIND YOURSELF THIS PERSON HAS A PROBLEM AND IT is not you. IT IS them.
If THIS IS A GENUINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, THOUGH SOME MELLOW WITH AGE, THEY ARE APT TO BE ENTRENCHED LIFE LONG COPING SKILLS THAT WILL CONTINUE TO CAUSE YOU PAIN AND ANNOYANCE AS THEY COME FROM PEOPLE YOU LOVE, WOULD LIKE TO LOVE, USED TO LOVE, WITH LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU, SHOULD HAVE LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU USED TO OR JUST DON'T.
Sorry hit cap lock, but it is important. When loved ones are as toxic to you as strangers who care nothing for you and do nothing but cause harm out of selfishness, disregard ignorance or it just being who they are it hurts and it effect every aspect of you life.
You need to put your needs first here or risk being either turned into one of them and taking it out on the world or being whittled down to a non-entity who doesn't believe you deserve any better and you DO.
Take care of yourself, make friends outside the family system, always remind yourself when talking to this person they are not going to improve , this is always the main spring of who they are with you and do not keep waiting for it to clear up or get better or go away.
Now when I have to deal with people in my family I remind myself they are still playing these games, have issues that are THERE PROBLEM NOT MINE! and I am not afraid of them anymore. I AM the authority on MY life, I choose what is of value to me and what They think of me, does not matter.
Too long a post? But a serious issue for anyone dealing with it,and many here are...Best Wishes...."
AND then my mom comes in here and snipes at me..."I need you to call the vet and....."
"I just did he is having his least Glucose test and should be ready to go at 4:00.."
"Did they say what it is going to cost?"
"No, but they are not done yet..."
'''''"I REALLY NEED TO know THAT !?""" BLAH BLAH BLAH SNEER SNEER SNAP SNAP SNEER...CRAB CRAB JUST SHOOT ME!
"they AREN'T DONE YET...i CAN call BACK AND ask..."
Jesus LET ME DIE IN A CAR CRASH ON THE WAY TO THE VET...i AM SO SICK OF ALL THIS!!!!
So much for not pushing buttons eh...I can't see that her retiring has helped any. she doesn't, I don't know, she is more angry more upset more addled, more confused pissed off worried about money she doesn't have coming in anymore. I was doing all the crap before, she thought it was nothing she is now finding 24 7 with her father to be quite quite annoying...Hell they yell at each other snap far more, that didn't happen with me....
Oh when does this end!
Diane, I love your critter pic, too! Pretty baby! It's not that we've done anything to have all of this stuff thrust upon us. We're just either the compassionate one in the family, or maybe there's no one else for the loved one to be able to depend on. Seems like the rest of the family instinctivly know who will be the caregiver & unfortunately sometimes they take advantage of it. OK, a lot of the time they'll take advantage of it. I know it's not fair, but what else are we to do? There's something in us that won't let us just walk away, whether it's love, compassion, sympathy, pay backs or even guilt. For most folks, it's love that keeps us in the daily grind of caregiving for our loved ones. And when our work is done we shouldn't have any guilt or remorse, like the others will experience! Just memories of little stolen moments with our loved one...little inside jokes...a favorite meal shared...a smile...a hand squeeze...a look...and an ocasional thank you...not what we're doing it for, but nice none the less. Not sure how to end this...just feeling nostalgic about caring now for my wonderful husband, my Mom (she's 85, still up & running) and in the not so distant past, my Dad & favorite aunt. I miss them, but glad that I had the opportunity to share that closeness with them. I'm glad that they loved me & trusted me to care for them!
Love & hugs to you & yours!
peach
love,
miz
Still alive here but man it is close with the idiots on the road...It is slush people not ice but NOT bare pavement!
HI J, crazy drivers on the roads?! How much snow do hyou have out here now?
And if it takes a long time to do these things, you found traffic, you found people in line, the traffic lights were all red....
Breathe, sister!
Pirate: I have started with the Ensure and I hope that in one week my mother recovers some strenght! Those things are amazing. I think part of her depression is due to weather - it is constantly gray and gloomy. Some days ago my nephew posted on Facebook. "I saw a yellow ball in the sky, for five minutes. What was it?"
Georgia, nice talk.
You are complicated, you English speaking people
You got style! Love the way you write!
Wish your babyish girl didn't know so much. I remember when kids respected their parents ... well at least I did.
Hope you find some good mindless TV tonight!
Medium & Mentalist. What WOuld YOU do might be to heavy.
Glad you're here!
lovbob