Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Black Testicles A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently. Then, she takes a close look and says, "No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely..... (scroll down........) # # # # # # A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "
The lady who told us what happened to her was so funny and the cop was trying so hard to act professional-they did arrest the guy later so someone did look at his face. I amboth Austin and Maxine-you all probably know the story behind the Maxine part when my son gave me a tee shirt for my birthday with Maxine I did not know she was a cartoon and I thought that was how he saw me and hid it away until a few years later he gave me a Maxine joke book-I never told him how upset I had been and nurses are trained to keep their emotions to themselves,
Sitting here trying to get to the last 100 posts here, fart pants staring at me, I shut the door on his ass, he can sit in the door and stare at the TV from 20 feet away but I am not gonna be near him...It is enough I have to listen to the endless moaning...yes, tell ME dinner is ready...I set the table twenty minutes ago moron I know, unlike you I can hear..." Dinners ready Carrie"...Moms name asshole...just die already! Had a crap night last night, aside from nightmares I mean...The huge limb and assorted branches that fell into our yard this week I decided to try and take down, and cut up, and I did. Mind you this was a limb of about 200 to 300 pounds... so a Big Branch...and one half it size...I cut and pulled and snipped and trimmed and sawed ( in the dark and cold) and got it all into the recycle green waste bin....after about two hours and come inside and go to basement...she lets Monty out a little later and comes to the top of the stairs........
"Jennifer?"
"Yeah?"
"You do know that we can't put Yard waste in the garbage can?" "YES..."
"Well that's what tree branches are..." she says snottily....
"What do you think that is (out there)!?" I reply stonily back.
"I can't see the color in the dark...." "Is is the yard bin?"
"Yes..."
"oh..."
No apology, nothin she just goes to bed...fine... what ever I know am nothing here.
But she is being way more friendly(for her)...well that is after this morning when fart pants got up early and she didn't so I took his BP, BS, and gave him his pills etc... and set up for breakfast for her...didn't make anything cause I know she freaks if you get in between her and food, or don't eat her cooking or change ANYTHING...I asked about eggs I just got them out for her, sneer no comment..I just give my dog his shot and leave...slept all day....You know in a way it is like being in an emotionally battering relationship...At least I see it, now to get the hell out of it!
I was wrong she is not being nicer just waiting to jump on me again....I am wondering if i could maybe go to a shelter and they could help me get a job and a place to live?...
Yes, J, you could. If it gets that bad. I feel so bad for you. You are so unappreciated. I wish I could help you. Do you local friends that could help you?
I scanned the posts but didn't read any jokes I am too depressed and upset now I will crawl back into my hole and think things over. Thank you for all your love and concern. i know there are options out there somewhere....
'Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!' Don't be flattered,this message was sent to ME!! I just wanted YOU to read it.
Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
Jen, my heart hurts for you! I wish that there was something that I could do to make things better for you! We're here for you!
I had something funny happen to me tonight as we were leaving church. We usually get there early enough to park in the first handicapped parking place closest to the door, but had to park in the second one tonight. After church was over we walked out the door, I pressed the car remote to unlock the doors, which also turns on the headlights. Well, I just kept walking, not paying attention & out of force of habit I stepped up to the first car, also the same color as mine, & tried the door handle. I almost pee'd my pants as this HUGE black dog rose up out of the back seat & started barking & growling at me! In the process, I instinctively covered my mouth as I exclaimed some choice words...remember, I am in the church parking lot! It scared me so bad that it STILL hadn't dawned on me that was NOT my car until I heard laughter around me & folks asking what was wrong! What I wanted to know was WHO leaves a grizzly bear in the back of their car while they go to a church service?!?! Scared the poop out of me! By this time I was laughing so hard that I got choked & had an asethma attack & had to hit the inhaler! I've heard of car security alarms, but I definately wasn't expecting THAT!!! Sure glad that their door was still locked! Bet I'll be on time from now on & get that first parking place, huh?!?!
Thanks for letting me bring some laughter in your times of stress and disapointments. It's a rough job and I am glad that you took on the challenge when no one else would step up.
Bobbie's Cuz: YOU are a Sweetheart, and you made me have a better day! Thank you so much! I gotta tell you that Maxine's true story absolutely made me, and my Mother and caregiver crack up for a long time! Laughter is the BEST Medicine, and thanks for helping lift the funk, pull us out f the black hole. Blessings to YOU. Bug Hugs, Christina
NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!! Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1.There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look 11.Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!! "FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE."
"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance"
jen . sounds like to me theyre both are ganging up on you . honey , i feel like theyre treating you like a cinderla ! damn them ! i sure hope you get online and see about shelter or some help out there , you can live somewhere eles and be apperciated by someone eles . you deserve it ! plz do keep in touch with us . plz stay out of th eblack hole my dear . ill be thinking of you . xoxo
Morning guys, A woman who started going to our church could not go back to her family after her aide job stopped because her family was in section 8 she went to a shelter was abel to take classes and got a job and got out of the shelter got a room in someones house and is saving to get an apartment.
good morning, I enjoyed reading the jokes yesterday. Didn't have any help in over the weekend and got pretty depressed..lonelyitis. But feeling better now. I hate feeling trapped and can't go out . Jen, hope your day goes better today. ssk
Anne, I hear ya! Get a bottle of that Clorox Clean Up! Great Stuff and with mom I ended up with a bottle in the bathrooms and kitchen and (as Linda would say) zoom zoom all clean. No doubt it's gross but it's easier to know it's going to happen because as you are seeing, all logic and trying to get him to spit in the bathroom toilet is not going ot work and you will driver yourself nuts trying to keep him from spitting in the sink. Caregiving with dementia sux, but I think the men are grosser than the women. I could be full of it, because I only cared for my mom. Others will speak up and tell ya what's what too. How long have you been doing this? I know it's awful.
Miz! love Bites ...ain't that the name of a tune?
ssk! I know the lonelyitis well. The jokes were a good one for me too. Cuz is a straight up source for jokes.
Jen! Yes! get out! without the full burden of caregiving for fart pants you may have the energy to find a shelter. Hope your poor foot is better. Still in the bootie, I think? If we had our way you would be writing for Salon.com or something. Man you are a good writer.
Linda! how's Pa this morning?
Crew! love you guys and we had a good day yesterday with everybody rowing together and hopefully those of us isolated and alone and nuts with it all had some laughs.
Hopefully Kuli and DD and and and will check in and let us know how they are doing.
One of Mom's caregivers (and a good friend of mine) will come and take care of the kitties every other day while hubby and I are visiting Bobbie. That's a relief.
miz, that's good to have the friend to take care of the kittys so you won't have to worry about them while you are gone. Are you going in Feb? or sooner. I'm waiting for the cna to come in, then I'll take a walk. woohoo ssk
Ya, I need to walk more. Good for you ssk. Glad you're here.
It's raining farm animals here, the N FL version of the storm the south is getting.
Peach! whassup how many inches now?
Oh Boy: Here's the Thunder. Boat's rocking. Railroad Bridge is down. OK, here comes the train. Nice heavy rain, train whistle,played by an artist... Rain and Train. Go with me now, to the days of Radio.... That must have been fun, to stand in a room with a bunch of sound effects. I would have lost my mind.
How is the weather in Tennessee, Tennessee? You feeling any better? This year's crud has been awful. hangs on and on. Love to lil Tenny and you.
anne! how you doing kid?
I just shot some vid off the cockpit. nice and peaceful. Can't wait for you guys to come on down.
Bobbie, hubby loves storms. Actually so do I ifn there's no bad damage and no one gets hurt.
Just did some more cleaning in the kitchen. It's amazing what you find when you start cleaning up high. Cleaned the top of the fridge and then saw how dusty some other stuff was hanging on the walls.
I have a dinner date Thursday after work with a very good friend who I have not seen in awhile. Still have her Christmas present to take to her. She works two jobs so it's hard for us to get together.
Bobbie, did you still feel like you needed to be home after your mom had passed? I guess it's a mind set for me.
I just did a search for "elderly parents driving me crazy" and found this. I'm sorry, but I needed a good laugh and this post is really good. So many things my dad does grosses me out, but he has always been pretty relaxed about himself. He sees nothing wrong with spitting on the ground (something a lot of men seem to think is acceptable), walking around without a shirt in warm weather (and he has really bad "man boobs"). Now he cannot seem to eat without having something on his chin. Also, he likes to set his napkin on the table (instead of his lap) where everyone can look at it and wipe his messy fingers as he eats. The sloppier the sandwich, the worse it is. He has a workshop in our barn and I know he is peeing behind the barn. Maybe if it was just ONE thing, it wouldn't be so bad. I think what really irritates me the most is he has very nice manners whenever there is company, but as long as it's family, he seems to feel like anything goes.
This is the place to be. I see in your profile you say your parents are in good health. While they are, do everything you want to do that would take you out of town!!!!!! :)
This thread is FABULOUS!!!! It is filled with great people either just facing the caregiver role, up to their eyeballs in the crap (literal) of caregiving or those that have lost their loved ones and finding themselves again. Our Captain of the crew is Bobbie, the originator of this thread. We are here for each other to vent, vent, vent! And we love to laugh even in the thick of things.
Welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you.
Miz, I am glad you found cat-sitters when you will go to see Bobbie, but (in any case) leave the cats a big-big bowl of water and a big-big bowl of dry food! So, you will know that they are well even if (for example) it snows a lot and the cat sitter can't go there! Otherwise (I think I know you a little bit, now) you will be worried all the time and you will ask yourself all the time if they are well, if they are eating enough.... and so on and so on.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
that question!!! OMG!!!
Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed
in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his
mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask "Are my
testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
"I don't know,Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body."
He struggles to ask again,
"Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....
(scroll down........)
#
#
#
#
#
#
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "
christina! I read john's question and man, are you right! He's a pistol! I hollered at him to join us too.
lovbob
"Jennifer?"
"Yeah?"
"You do know that we can't put Yard waste in the garbage can?"
"YES..."
"Well that's what tree branches are..." she says snottily....
"What do you think that is (out there)!?" I reply stonily back.
"I can't see the color in the dark...." "Is is the yard bin?"
"Yes..."
"oh..."
No apology, nothin she just goes to bed...fine... what ever I know am nothing here.
But she is being way more friendly(for her)...well that is after this morning when fart pants got up early and she didn't so I took his BP, BS, and gave him his pills etc... and set up for breakfast for her...didn't make anything cause I know she freaks if you get in between her and food, or don't eat her cooking or change ANYTHING...I asked about eggs I just got them out for her, sneer no comment..I just give my dog his shot and leave...slept all day....You know in a way it is like being in an emotionally battering relationship...At least I see it, now to get the hell out of it!
Thought For The Day
'Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart.
You're blessed with both!' Don't be flattered,this message was sent to ME!! I just wanted YOU to read it.
Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
I had something funny happen to me tonight as we were leaving church. We usually get there early enough to park in the first handicapped parking place closest to the door, but had to park in the second one tonight. After church was over we walked out the door, I pressed the car remote to unlock the doors, which also turns on the headlights. Well, I just kept walking, not paying attention & out of force of habit I stepped up to the first car, also the same color as mine, & tried the door handle. I almost pee'd my pants as this HUGE black dog rose up out of the back seat & started barking & growling at me! In the process, I instinctively covered my mouth as I exclaimed some choice words...remember, I am in the church parking lot! It scared me so bad that it STILL hadn't dawned on me that was NOT my car until I heard laughter around me & folks asking what was wrong! What I wanted to know was WHO leaves a grizzly bear in the back of their car while they go to a church service?!?! Scared the poop out of me! By this time I was laughing so hard that I got choked & had an asethma attack & had to hit the inhaler! I've heard of car security alarms, but I definately wasn't expecting THAT!!! Sure glad that their door was still locked! Bet I'll be on time from now on & get that first parking place, huh?!?!
Love cuz
Bet you will open door slowly also huh
Bug Hugs, Christina
Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1.There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to
be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't
like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from
it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look
11.Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the
rude
remarks.
NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!!
"FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE
TROUBLE."
"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might
as
well dance"
plz do keep in touch with us . plz stay out of th eblack hole my dear . ill be thinking of you . xoxo
s-l-o-w! lol Thanks for making us laugh!
Bobbie, we're half way there...4" already & it's still snowing!
Jen, hope your day goes better today.
ssk
I'm sitting here with sweet Sassy on my lap. She's giving me kisses and love bites.
Hoping you all have a good day without grossness. Okay, I'm off to eat breakfast. Love yous!!
miz
Anne, I hear ya! Get a bottle of that Clorox Clean Up! Great Stuff and with mom I ended up with a bottle in the bathrooms and kitchen and (as Linda would say) zoom zoom all clean.
No doubt it's gross but it's easier to know it's going to happen because as you are seeing, all logic and trying to get him to spit in the bathroom toilet is not going ot work and you will driver yourself nuts trying to keep him from spitting in the sink.
Caregiving with dementia sux, but I think the men are grosser than the women. I could be full of it, because I only cared for my mom. Others will speak up and tell ya what's what too.
How long have you been doing this? I know it's awful.
Miz! love Bites ...ain't that the name of a tune?
ssk! I know the lonelyitis well. The jokes were a good one for me too. Cuz is a straight up source for jokes.
Jen! Yes! get out! without the full burden of caregiving for fart pants you may have the energy to find a shelter. Hope your poor foot is better. Still in the bootie, I think?
If we had our way you would be writing for Salon.com or something. Man you are a good writer.
Linda! how's Pa this morning?
Crew! love you guys and we had a good day yesterday with everybody rowing together and hopefully those of us isolated and alone and nuts with it all had some laughs.
Hopefully Kuli and DD and and and will check in and let us know how they are doing.
More later,
lovbob
I'm waiting for the cna to come in, then I'll take a walk. woohoo
ssk
It's raining farm animals here, the N FL version of the storm the south is getting.
Peach! whassup how many inches now?
Oh Boy: Here's the Thunder. Boat's rocking.
Railroad Bridge is down.
OK, here comes the train. Nice heavy rain, train whistle,played by an artist... Rain and Train.
Go with me now, to the days of Radio....
That must have been fun, to stand in a room with a bunch of
sound effects. I would have lost my mind.
How is the weather in Tennessee, Tennessee?
You feeling any better? This year's crud has been awful. hangs on and on. Love to lil Tenny and you.
anne! how you doing kid?
I just shot some vid off the cockpit. nice and peaceful.
Can't wait for you guys to come on down.
later,
lovbob
Bobbie, hubby loves storms. Actually so do I ifn there's no bad damage and no one gets hurt.
Just did some more cleaning in the kitchen. It's amazing what you find when you start cleaning up high. Cleaned the top of the fridge and then saw how dusty some other stuff was hanging on the walls.
I have a dinner date Thursday after work with a very good friend who I have not seen in awhile. Still have her Christmas present to take to her. She works two jobs so it's hard for us to get together.
Bobbie, did you still feel like you needed to be home after your mom had passed? I guess it's a mind set for me.
More later.
love,
miz
This is the place to be. I see in your profile you say your parents are in good health. While they are, do everything you want to do that would take you out of town!!!!!! :)
This thread is FABULOUS!!!! It is filled with great people either just facing the caregiver role, up to their eyeballs in the crap (literal) of caregiving or those that have lost their loved ones and finding themselves again. Our Captain of the crew is Bobbie, the originator of this thread. We are here for each other to vent, vent, vent! And we love to laugh even in the thick of things.
Welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you.
Diane (Flex)