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Christina, I add myself to the chorus of people who "DID NOT" have a sweet mother. And my mother has not become sweeter with the illness. At first I did not want to give her drugs like Seroquel or something like that, but then I realized that it was impossible for her and for me to live without that. Without Seroquel, she stayed awake 3 days and 3 nights running (I swear!) and walked everywhere and she was anguished. So I started to give her Seroquel and I never exceed with the dosage. So, no sense of guilt! With dementia/Alzheimer the problem is not only that they lose their memory: 90% of the times there is a worsening of their character, temper. Very rarely they become sweeter, as it happened to Miz's mom. We have to survive in this situation and they have to survive, too. I have an appointment at the end of February with the Alzheimer centre and I am looking forward trying the Namenda, hope they give it to her! Of course I can't decide by myself.
Yes there are many boats. I prefer this one. There might be other boats where people are always nice, always positive, they always say beautiful things. Personally... that would not help me at all. And it would be terribly boring and it would seem false to me. I choose this one... sometimes happy sometimes sad, sometimes sweet sometimes tough, always controversial - this is a ship which is not afraid to face high waves! This ship helps me grow. I know it seems very selfish. But I hope that sometimes I have given some support to people that "at that moment" were sadder than I was!
Bobbie thanks for the invitation. Who knows in the future? Until some months ago I had just friends in NYC and in California. Now I have friends all over the States! It would be nice to take a long trip and pop here and there, North East, South East, Center, North West, South West.....
I was so happy with the good weather of the last days... it was very cold and grey today. I had to pee in the fields and when I tried to button my pants I found out I couldn't because my fingers were frozen. By the way I had those jeans full of buttons (Levi's type). I had to heat the car so my hands defrosted and I could button my pants before going to the supermarket! Otherwise I would have been arrested like the maniac who opens the raincoat in front of the ladies.
Rossella--you crack me up. I could see you out there in the field. It is so interesting how I "picture each of you", it is a sort of psychic reading, and picking up on the ways things are said. I love it. I think I could have been a profiler, if I could ever decide what I really want to do in my life. I think the thing with MIz and her Mom is easy, Rossella: Miz, herself, is the sweetest thing, as are Linda and Elizabeth. I'm not saying the rest of us are not, but personality and combinations of the puzzle are varied, and each of us has our lessons to "work out". That's how I look at it: as a huge maze and if you get far enough away in outer space, it comes together, and you say, "Oh, I see it now". All the connections and seemingly unfair or mismatched scenarios. Anyway, I have to look at life that way for it to make sense, or I would jump off a pier. Maybe into a BOAT, for safety. haha. I'm chicken, not really, maybe Chicken of the Sea. Then I would make a nice tuna casserole...Rossella, my husband wears the same levis, 501s. I would be afraid to wear those, for fear when I have to pee, I could not get them UNbuttoned fast enough and I would have wet jeans. I'm getting to that age. Luckily, we have a spare bottle of Detrol around the house now. I'm NOT taking it! Another beautiful day here--maybe the overcast will burn off, Rossella. Maybe it already has. I'm going out for a walk as soon as cg gets here, bridle trail, lots of water, I'm dehydrated from all the lovely MUCUS. ( 2nd Gross contribution today).HUGS
The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes.
The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"Blind man," comes the reply.
The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.
On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.
"Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.
"That's surely something', Willard. How long it take you?"
"Only two weeks."
"Never done a puzzle myself," Jess said. "Is two weeks fast?"
"Darn tooting'," Willard said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years.'"
The Barbara B is hauled and up on jacks! AND we need a new propeller. Remember Captain Phil on Deadliest Catch watching the yard guys work on his boat?
I'm on the boat and they have finished up the jacking and are moving the 70 ton travel lift away. the boat is just a little higher on the port side so as I sit here and type, my left cheek is just a little higher than my right cheek. I'm going to grow one leg longer than the other.
Hull looks good, except for a few spots and they have all assured me that the hull looks REAL good. Nice view from up here. they have me all set up with a bucket for nighttime whizzing and the key to the entire operation for full on plumbing.
I had to put the Cat in my cabin for the haul out and I wasn't allowed back on the boat until she was secure on the jacks.
the lady who owns the yard is the third generation of yacht builders and a real hoot. She has loaned me a book about the whole history of the yard and it is very interesting. These folks built PT boats for WWII. Very respected yard. Hope I get out of here solvent.
GP!! how you feeling? Rossella!! very very funny. very funny. not only that, but it was funny.
An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.
One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."
The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."
She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."
"You're right sir, I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's What is it? . . . . . . . . a last name....... Were you thinking of something else?
A not so bright guy, wanting to earn some money, decided to try to find some handyman-type work and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The guy said "How about 50 dollars?"
The homeowner agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The homeowner's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The homeowner replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the guy came to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the homeowner asked. "Yes," the guy answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the homeowner reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the guy added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Christina I know what you mean about your Mom my mother always had a temper and would say whatever she wanted and did not care who she hurt and even thought she is 92 she still makes me feel like a bad 4 yr. old. My sister and I finally talked about how her nastiness affected the four of us last summer I think that is why she upsets me so much it is like double pain from long ago and present. When we talk on the phone she is nice to me but in person forget it-and she is too old to change at this point but my sister and I are very good with our children and our brothers are not with their children. The best I can do when I am with her is too ignor her firey darts and not say anything back to her-but it still hurts a lot.
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?" The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks, mister," says the little boy.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy," says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
The col was on her very best behavior this morning meeting the woman who will take care of her when we manage to get away for a few days. She dealt me loads of hogwash before then......oh well. Waiting for the snow.....supposed to get up to 8 inches by tomorrow. Ready for Spring. Sounds like everyone is having a great day....will check back later...... how's the view bobbie?
Headbanger's top 10 things that need steam release today:
1) Pursed lip breathing: OMG if this isn't a reason to stick a ball gag in someone's mouth I don't know what is. I am having trouble living along side someone who just can't seem to be quiet any time of day. Hiss, hiss, hiss, or shew, shew, shew...all the time. Toss in a few moans to break it up sometimes and I can get a backbeat for the Village People.
2) Eating noises: Along with the above sounds, we add slurp, slurp, slurp and open mouth chumming to the crescendo of noise that seems to be involuntary. I have since added music to my day to help drown out the sounds of 1 & 2.
3) Get me out of bed, I'm so tired: Really? No one should use those words together in one sentence when they can’t get around by themselves. I love to get her up to greet the day dressed like a prom queen to hear she can't wait to get into the chair and nap. All this while I remain in my robe and bunny slippers because I'm afraid to take a shower when she might need me. She also starts her calling suddenly and repeats herself every 5-10 seconds like she's been ignored for hours. I'm always in a great mood when she starts that "sheep bleeting".
4) How do I wipe thee? Let me count the ways: She needs a team mate for bathroom duty. At the very least she needs a full time coach to get through what happens after we go potty. Hurray! She remembers what comes out down there…but hasn’t the slightest clue what happens during clean up.
5) I'm playing along with all her stories: So as not to upset the apple cart of her fragile state, no one remarks to her that the way she remembers things is not historically accurate. Ok so I can tell all of you: She really wasn't in the audience when Susan Boyle came out on stage to sing in front of Simon and it really WASN'T her boyfriend who was booing the loudest from the top of the stands. She really doesn't have to cut his head off cause she wasn't there, Susan wasn't there, and your boyfriend WASN'T THERE!
6) She sees dead people: Where the hell was she when this movie was made? We could have cashed in on a really good thing. Her mother has been dead for over 35 years yet she sees her and speaks to her nearly every night. Depending on the day, her father and sisters also may still be alive. We never know who is alive or dead in any given conversation so it is best not to comment, just let her do the talking ok?
7) She picks food off her bib and eats it: She drops a lot of food now either right from her fork or from her mouth. She won't miss a calorie though because she picks stuff off her bib and eats it. We have to keep everything washed and lint free....because she's been known to nibble lint. Ewwww.
8) Monsters under the bed: Well not really monsters, but we're getting woken up, or she doesn't want to go to sleep because there are "Men on the steps" or "Men trying to get into her room". Maybe these are some of the folks from #6 in which case I want to do some serious ghost hunting in her room.
9) Paper hoarding: Her nose runs continuously so she stuffs her pockets with tissue, napkins and toilet paper. This is gross because she will use the tissue and not toss it when she uses it. In the bathroom her hands can be poopy but she still will fold the squares she didn't use and put into her pockets. Awesome, poopy squares to wipe a future nose drip, but she'll fight you if you want to try and take her paper. Go ahead....make her day. I'm sure she'd cut me over that.
10) She will only use one square for the most important job she has: She can use more than one to wipe that nose, but she'll use 1 square of paper and NO MORE to wipe that bottom. She can practice toilet paper origami, folding it over till it is 1cm by 1cm. I've tried offering her more but no...she has a "reason" for doing things her way and the explanation is incredibly long and never really makes any sense at all.
I know the things on the list are trivial. I know that she sees the dead people because they are comforting to her. I know she wants us to think that her life mattered so she tells grand stories that just aren't true. She also tells these stories so she can attempt to "fix" the things in her life that just weren't quite right so she can have peace.
I'm not sure why she feels like saving every scrap of tissue is a great idea or why she wants to fight when we empty her pockets, and I totally wish she could handle her own "duty" in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me vent. Gran would be shocked that she did half of these behaviors so I won't tell her...sharing with you helped me get through another day at "the office".
Later folks! Shew-shew-shew is trying to signal me for another bathroom run.
I'll be able to see the my cousin vinny train real well from here! Yesterday the Barnum and Bailey circus train went by on their way North. summer home Sarasota! It was exciting just to see the train go by. Remember that Great circus movie with Charlton Heston? I think it was called Greatest Show on Earth but.. need to look it up on ImDb.com Internet Movie DataBase. Love ya Jam and am very happy you're going to be able to get out for a minute! lovbob
Headbanger! Funny!! Painful but funny!! they LOVE stashing TP/tissues. Mom had tissues stashed everywhere! and of course you know she ain't gonna do on her own in the 'office'. You have to handle the paperwork! You vent over here whenever you want and say whatever you want so you can let the steam off. Necessary to live. I did think that she was there with Susan Boyle tho..........
I FINALLY figured out a photo program on my computer that I've been working on for a while & I stayed up WAY too late last night playing with it! Bobbie, I was still up when you posted this morning! lol I was like a kid with a new toy! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ GIRL'S ONLY, please...
Bobbie, thanks for caring & asking how I am! I'm feeling about the same...If I were a car, the mechanic would say I'm about a quart low, but nothing that a can of STP (Stop The Period...ewww sorry) wouldn't fix! Just had the "under the hood" checked out not long ago, as well as the "running gear" & no "check engine" lights came up on the diagnostic test, & the "headlights" were clear (ewww, sorry again) , so I'm not real concerned! I've got a lot of good miles left in me! At this stage, though there are a few issues to deal with...The chassis does have quiet a few bumps & dings (cellulite), the headliner needs to be re-dyed (the gray roots are showing again), the "grill" needs to be polished (time to go to the dentist), the "kicks" need to be balanced (need a manicure & pedicure)...don't need 'em rotated (I like my arms & legs where they are), and there's definately TOO much "junk in the trunk" (self-explanitory!), but hubby says I'm a "classic" & he wouldn't trade me for a new model, even if they threw in a Bose stereo system (I can't sing)! I just need a "tune-up"! I have a doctor appt. this coming Monday. YEAH!
This morning when they hauled out the boat and she was in the slings, some guy called her a 'fat girl'. Now that I think of it, I think he was referring to the boat but I can't be sure. Anyhoo, this is one comfortable boat and I think that's the issue. Built for comfort and not for speed..... I know I am.
Headbanger!!
you got to wipe that ass, you got to wipe that ass, you got to make it shine while you hear the whine...... you choke back the bile and you try to smile and you wiiiiiiipe that ass..... Let's hear it in Boston and you wiiiiipe that ass...... I don't mean halfway, and you wiiiiipe that ass..... All th'way in Cali, and you wipe that aaaassssss... and you wiiiiiiipe that aaaaassssssss..............................!
Sound off all you ass wipers out there. It's time to unite.
Like you said, they seem like small trivia things, but when you deal with them every day, multiple times a day your nerves wear thin, Right now I am watching mom eat dinner. This is a lesson in patience evry night, but tonight is a true trial. Maybe because I am sick and feel like $h.t, but here she is trying to use each hand to do something different. She is insisting on eating fish sticks with a fork and dropping everything down the front of her. She won't eat at the table but insists on eating in her recliner. Pray for me to get patience because I am in short supply tonight. I love my mom dearly, but when I feel like crap I just don't have the patience for her "difficult" way of doing everything. So here is my vent for the night.
I hope all my fellow caregivers are having a better day, Deef, Peach, Miz, Austin, Bobbie, Headbanger, sskape, linda, true colors and anyone else I forgot.
headbanger welcome !!! we love you already and u are one of us ! went to walmart suckin store . 140 dollars plz . uhh ok . put it on the card plz . i truely hate that store . they rob me everytime . yep snow s a comin , was sleeting while ago . one station says 3 to 5 inches other station says 3 to 7 , ohhh im hoping for 7 ! plz lord i wanna 7 inches ! dad s chest is still rattling bad . put vick staff on the wood stove melted and whole house opens up ur sinus , vick staff on his chest almost 2 weeks now . nyquil at night , muxinex durin the day , shot in the ass last friday , mmm suppose go to dr this friday for follow up and another xray , but geeze its suppose be high 13 friday ! not sure if i want to drag him out in it . wait n see . prayers plz ... now my minds blank . need catch up readin , later ladies .. xoxo
The snowstorm is heading east ladies....better take cover! It is moving so slowly that it looks like it is sitting still over the whole state of Missouri........Shoveled a path for the dogs about an hour ago.....gone already. Ham and beans on for supper, cornbread done, rum and coke in hand. Oh, yeah I get to go wipe an ass and pull TP out of the back of the col undies.......Hugz!
LOL- i really need a good smile and laugh today rosella..... Just a down day, the med supply co came and took the oxygen and all the bedding.... made me very sad...... i just miss my papa.....
angie, i so understand. It's those ones that love you no matter what that are the hardest to lose. I was really missing my mom driving home from work. Like I've said before, she was my biggest fan and she loved me all the time. Except the very few times she did not know me and only a couple of those times she was not so sweet. Still almost can't believe she's gone. I know it's better for her but it sucks. I understand, Sweet One.
headbanger, try the wet wipes like they use for babies. One of those go a pretty long way. They are kind of expensive but well worth it. Mom kept napkins and kleenex too. Maybe it's a waste not want not thing from living through the depression. She used to comment on how expensive the pull ups were but she didn't really know.
christina, thank you for the sweet comments. I wonder if Mom had lived longer and her disease had progressed would she have gotten not so sweet or even mean. We shall never know. She was not a nasty person when I was growing up. Just made some mistakes as all parents do and was not perfect but who is besides the good Lord. She had it pretty rough as a kid. She did well for what she lived through. I know I was over protected. She used to blame my depression on heredity. She felt bad about that. Anyways, I'm rambling. I loved my mom so much and when you lose someone that you love so much it hurts like crazy.
Okay, gonna get some supper. What shall it be tonight? Lentil or vegetable soup from a can or Lean Cuisine in the microwave? Damn I'm tired. We're supposed to get up to 6 inches of snow through tomorrow. It would be okay but I gots to work. And, I still feel like I'm getting a cold. Bobbie, what's the temp in JAX now?? Love yous.
angie, you will have those times. Even closing out Mom's bank accounts was painful. I still haven't turned off her bathroom night light. If something is too soon, put it off if you can. Be kind to yourself.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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We have to survive in this situation and they have to survive, too. I have an appointment at the end of February with the Alzheimer centre and I am looking forward trying the Namenda, hope they give it to her! Of course I can't decide by myself.
Yes there are many boats. I prefer this one. There might be other boats where people are always nice, always positive, they always say beautiful things.
Personally... that would not help me at all. And it would be terribly boring and it would seem false to me. I choose this one... sometimes happy sometimes sad, sometimes sweet sometimes tough, always controversial - this is a ship which is not afraid to face high waves! This ship helps me grow. I know it seems very selfish. But I hope that sometimes I have given some support to people that "at that moment" were sadder than I was!
Bobbie thanks for the invitation. Who knows in the future? Until some months ago I had just friends in NYC and in California. Now I have friends all over the States! It would be nice to take a long trip and pop here and there, North East, South East, Center, North West, South West.....
I think the thing with MIz and her Mom is easy, Rossella: Miz, herself, is the sweetest thing, as are Linda and Elizabeth. I'm not saying the rest of us are not, but personality and combinations of the puzzle are varied, and each of us has our lessons to "work out". That's how I look at it: as a huge maze and if you get far enough away in outer space, it comes together, and you say, "Oh, I see it now". All the connections and seemingly unfair or mismatched scenarios. Anyway, I have to look at life that way for it to make sense, or I would jump off a pier. Maybe into a BOAT, for safety. haha. I'm chicken, not really, maybe Chicken of the Sea. Then I would make a nice tuna casserole...Rossella, my husband wears the same levis, 501s. I would be afraid to wear those, for fear when I have to pee, I could not get them UNbuttoned fast enough and I would have wet jeans. I'm getting to that age. Luckily, we have a spare bottle of Detrol around the house now. I'm NOT taking it!
Another beautiful day here--maybe the overcast will burn off, Rossella. Maybe it already has. I'm going out for a walk as soon as cg gets here, bridle trail, lots of water, I'm dehydrated from all the lovely MUCUS. ( 2nd Gross contribution today).HUGS
The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"Blind man," comes the reply.
The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.
"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"
"Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.
"That's surely something', Willard. How long it take you?"
"Only two weeks."
"Never done a puzzle myself," Jess said. "Is two weeks fast?"
"Darn tooting'," Willard said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years.'"
"My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."
The Barbara B is hauled and up on jacks!
AND we need a new propeller.
Remember Captain Phil on Deadliest Catch watching the yard guys work on his boat?
I'm on the boat and they have finished up the jacking and are moving the 70 ton travel lift away. the boat is just a little higher on the port side so as I sit here and type, my left cheek is just a little higher than my right cheek.
I'm going to grow one leg longer than the other.
Hull looks good, except for a few spots and they have all assured me that the hull looks REAL good.
Nice view from up here.
they have me all set up with a bucket for nighttime whizzing and the key to the entire operation for full on plumbing.
I had to put the Cat in my cabin for the haul out and I wasn't allowed back on the boat until she was secure on the jacks.
the lady who owns the yard is the third generation of yacht builders and a real hoot. She has loaned me a book about the whole history of the yard and it is very interesting.
These folks built PT boats for WWII. Very respected yard.
Hope I get out of here solvent.
GP!! how you feeling?
Rossella!! very very funny. very funny.
not only that, but it was funny.
more later,
lovbob
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.
One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."
She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."
"You're right sir, I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
What is it?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
a last name....... Were you thinking of something else?
The homeowner agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The homeowner's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The homeowner replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the guy came to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the homeowner asked. "Yes," the guy answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the homeowner reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the guy added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks, mister," says the little boy.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy," says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
Maxine!! Good to see from you!
lovbob
how's the view bobbie?
1) Pursed lip breathing: OMG if this isn't a reason to stick a ball gag in someone's mouth I don't know what is. I am having trouble living along side someone who just can't seem to be quiet any time of day. Hiss, hiss, hiss, or shew, shew, shew...all the time. Toss in a few moans to break it up sometimes and I can get a backbeat for the Village People.
2) Eating noises: Along with the above sounds, we add slurp, slurp, slurp and open mouth chumming to the crescendo of noise that seems to be involuntary. I have since added music to my day to help drown out the sounds of 1 & 2.
3) Get me out of bed, I'm so tired: Really? No one should use those words together in one sentence when they can’t get around by themselves. I love to get her up to greet the day dressed like a prom queen to hear she can't wait to get into the chair and nap. All this while I remain in my robe and bunny slippers because I'm afraid to take a shower when she might need me. She also starts her calling suddenly and repeats herself every 5-10 seconds like she's been ignored for hours. I'm always in a great mood when she starts that "sheep bleeting".
4) How do I wipe thee? Let me count the ways: She needs a team mate for bathroom duty. At the very least she needs a full time coach to get through what happens after we go potty. Hurray! She remembers what comes out down there…but hasn’t the slightest clue what happens during clean up.
5) I'm playing along with all her stories: So as not to upset the apple cart of her fragile state, no one remarks to her that the way she remembers things is not historically accurate. Ok so I can tell all of you: She really wasn't in the audience when Susan Boyle came out on stage to sing in front of Simon and it really WASN'T her boyfriend who was booing the loudest from the top of the stands. She really doesn't have to cut his head off cause she wasn't there, Susan wasn't there, and your boyfriend WASN'T THERE!
6) She sees dead people: Where the hell was she when this movie was made? We could have cashed in on a really good thing. Her mother has been dead for over 35 years yet she sees her and speaks to her nearly every night. Depending on the day, her father and sisters also may still be alive. We never know who is alive or dead in any given conversation so it is best not to comment, just let her do the talking ok?
7) She picks food off her bib and eats it: She drops a lot of food now either right from her fork or from her mouth. She won't miss a calorie though because she picks stuff off her bib and eats it. We have to keep everything washed and lint free....because she's been known to nibble lint. Ewwww.
8) Monsters under the bed: Well not really monsters, but we're getting woken up, or she doesn't want to go to sleep because there are "Men on the steps" or "Men trying to get into her room". Maybe these are some of the folks from #6 in which case I want to do some serious ghost hunting in her room.
9) Paper hoarding: Her nose runs continuously so she stuffs her pockets with tissue, napkins and toilet paper. This is gross because she will use the tissue and not toss it when she uses it. In the bathroom her hands can be poopy but she still will fold the squares she didn't use and put into her pockets. Awesome, poopy squares to wipe a future nose drip, but she'll fight you if you want to try and take her paper. Go ahead....make her day. I'm sure she'd cut me over that.
10) She will only use one square for the most important job she has: She can use more than one to wipe that nose, but she'll use 1 square of paper and NO MORE to wipe that bottom. She can practice toilet paper origami, folding it over till it is 1cm by 1cm. I've tried offering her more but no...she has a "reason" for doing things her way and the explanation is incredibly long and never really makes any sense at all.
I know the things on the list are trivial. I know that she sees the dead people because they are comforting to her. I know she wants us to think that her life mattered so she tells grand stories that just aren't true. She also tells these stories so she can attempt to "fix" the things in her life that just weren't quite right so she can have peace.
I'm not sure why she feels like saving every scrap of tissue is a great idea or why she wants to fight when we empty her pockets, and I totally wish she could handle her own "duty" in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me vent. Gran would be shocked that she did half of these behaviors so I won't tell her...sharing with you helped me get through another day at "the office".
Later folks! Shew-shew-shew is trying to signal me for another bathroom run.
Yesterday the Barnum and Bailey circus train went by on their way North. summer home Sarasota!
It was exciting just to see the train go by.
Remember that Great circus movie with Charlton Heston?
I think it was called Greatest Show on Earth but.. need to look it up on ImDb.com Internet Movie DataBase.
Love ya Jam and am very happy you're going to be able to get out for a minute!
lovbob
Painful but funny!!
they LOVE stashing TP/tissues. Mom had tissues stashed everywhere!
and of course you know she ain't gonna do on her own in the 'office'. You have to handle the paperwork!
You vent over here whenever you want and say whatever you want so you can let the steam off. Necessary to live.
I did think that she was there with Susan Boyle tho..........
lovbob
Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to "work" I go....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
GIRL'S ONLY, please...
Bobbie, thanks for caring & asking how I am! I'm feeling about the same...If I were a car, the mechanic would say I'm about a quart low, but nothing that a can of STP (Stop The Period...ewww sorry) wouldn't fix! Just had the "under the hood" checked out not long ago, as well as the "running gear" & no "check engine" lights came up on the diagnostic test, & the "headlights" were clear (ewww, sorry again) , so I'm not real concerned! I've got a lot of good miles left in me! At this stage, though there are a few issues to deal with...The chassis does have quiet a few bumps & dings (cellulite), the headliner needs to be re-dyed (the gray roots are showing again), the "grill" needs to be polished (time to go to the dentist), the "kicks" need to be balanced (need a manicure & pedicure)...don't need 'em rotated (I like my arms & legs where they are), and there's definately TOO much "junk in the trunk" (self-explanitory!), but hubby says I'm a "classic" & he wouldn't trade me for a new model, even if they threw in a Bose stereo system (I can't sing)! I just need a "tune-up"! I have a doctor appt. this coming Monday. YEAH!
Love & hugs,
peach
This morning when they hauled out the boat and she was in the slings, some guy called her a 'fat girl'.
Now that I think of it, I think he was referring to the boat but I can't be sure.
Anyhoo, this is one comfortable boat and I think that's the issue.
Built for comfort and not for speed.....
I know I am.
Headbanger!!
you got to wipe that ass, you got to wipe that ass,
you got to make it shine while you hear the whine......
you choke back the bile and you try to smile
and you wiiiiiiipe that ass.....
Let's hear it in Boston
and you wiiiiipe that ass......
I don't mean halfway,
and you wiiiiipe that ass.....
All th'way in Cali,
and you wipe that aaaassssss...
and you wiiiiiiipe that aaaaassssssss..............................!
Sound off all you ass wipers out there.
It's time to unite.
lovbob
Like you said, they seem like small trivia things, but when you deal with them every day, multiple times a day your nerves wear thin, Right now I am watching mom eat dinner. This is a lesson in patience evry night, but tonight is a true trial. Maybe because I am sick and feel like $h.t, but here she is trying to use each hand to do something different. She is insisting on eating fish sticks with a fork and dropping everything down the front of her. She won't eat at the table but insists on eating in her recliner. Pray for me to get patience because I am in short supply tonight. I love my mom dearly, but when I feel like crap I just don't have the patience for her "difficult" way of doing everything. So here is my vent for the night.
I hope all my fellow caregivers are having a better day, Deef, Peach, Miz, Austin, Bobbie, Headbanger, sskape, linda, true colors and anyone else I forgot.
Luv ya,
Diane
went to walmart suckin store . 140 dollars plz . uhh ok . put it on the card plz . i truely hate that store . they rob me everytime .
yep snow s a comin , was sleeting while ago . one station says 3 to 5 inches other station says 3 to 7 , ohhh im hoping for 7 ! plz lord i wanna 7 inches !
dad s chest is still rattling bad . put vick staff on the wood stove melted and whole house opens up ur sinus , vick staff on his chest almost 2 weeks now . nyquil at night , muxinex durin the day , shot in the ass last friday , mmm suppose go to dr this friday for follow up and another xray , but geeze its suppose be high 13 friday ! not sure if i want to drag him out in it . wait n see . prayers plz ...
now my minds blank . need catch up readin , later ladies .. xoxo
headbanger, try the wet wipes like they use for babies. One of those go a pretty long way. They are kind of expensive but well worth it. Mom kept napkins and kleenex too. Maybe it's a waste not want not thing from living through the depression. She used to comment on how expensive the pull ups were but she didn't really know.
christina, thank you for the sweet comments. I wonder if Mom had lived longer and her disease had progressed would she have gotten not so sweet or even mean. We shall never know. She was not a nasty person when I was growing up. Just made some mistakes as all parents do and was not perfect but who is besides the good Lord. She had it pretty rough as a kid. She did well for what she lived through. I know I was over protected. She used to blame my depression on heredity. She felt bad about that. Anyways, I'm rambling. I loved my mom so much and when you lose someone that you love so much it hurts like crazy.
Okay, gonna get some supper. What shall it be tonight? Lentil or vegetable soup from a can or Lean Cuisine in the microwave? Damn I'm tired. We're supposed to get up to 6 inches of snow through tomorrow. It would be okay but I gots to work. And, I still feel like I'm getting a cold. Bobbie, what's the temp in JAX now?? Love yous.
miz
love,
miz