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I am sooooo glad to hear that other people are going through the same things that I am while caring for my husbands grandmother with dementia. I have become a germaphobe since she's come to live with us. Her hygeine and bathroom habits are atrocious and no amounts of reminders help. I feel like I should have gloves and a mask on to even go into her room each day or use the bathroom after her. Anyone know of a good antibacterial or way to sanitize/sterilize besides lysol? I go through about a can a day and it's getting REALLY expensive!
Oh, and todays latest and greatest fad is that she has started keeping her dirty socks and underwear under her pillow. EEEWWW! I've gone over and over the whole clothes basket concept but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. Is this a useless battle? I know I have to pick and choose my battles with her but dirty underwear under the pillow is just sooooo far from sanitary that I can't overlook it. Any ideas?
yes it is a useless battle. It comes from hoarding behavior in association with the dementia. You'll only wear yourself out and deplete your energy trying to 'teach' her out of it.
just picture her with a big band-aid on her head and you will come to understand that she can't help it. brain's broken. Those little connections that we rely on to tell us that dirty stuff under the pillow is not a good idea don't work anymore.
Professionals use latex or vinyl gloves and just pick the stuff up and dispose of it. My mom would take USED tp and stash it everywhere. i could tell that when I chided her about it, it just made her feel bad but she was powerless to correct the habit so I just picked the stuff up and got rid of it without even talking about it.
I talked about it here and that's when I realized that so many people are dealing with the bathroom issues and we needed a place to sound off about it. Grossest stuff ever and I for one don't like stinks and fluids. Not for me. that's actually the main reason I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would want to be a doctor or nurse. That mess is all about poop and pee and gross stuff. arg.
Using the bathroom after mom was a trip (welcome to the invisible wet seat) until I just started putting her on the pot and cleaning her up myself. In the long run it was easier than cleaning up everything else because she became confused about wiping and then where to put the tp.
It's just the disease. You want to swear that they're doing it on purpose but it's truly the disease.
As far as disinfecting the area, you can't beat bleach and suds. If you put gloves on and keep a bucket going, you'll be able to dip your trusty rag in there and give stuff a wipe down before it gets out of hand. Rinse the rag out under the tub faucet and drop it back into the suds and bleach. I found that if I just got a bucket going as part of the beginning of the day that I just added that to my chore list and nothing smelled bad or was gross. More work load, but I got it down to minutes.
this is just what worked for me and others will have more suggestions. Good luck, you are not alone and you can do this.
Summation: don't burn up your energy trying to change gramma. ain't going to happen. Do, however, try to find some humor in it and keep posting here because we all have fought or are fighting the Poop Wars.
say bobbie, I do love boats! Wish I were on one right now, as a matter of fact. Thanks for the info. I'm gonna have to try the bleach bucket. And as for laughing...we quickly realized here that at the end of the day....you either laugh or you cry. And we try to laugh as much as possible. It's tough though when someone asks you about your day and there is absolutely no way you could ever convey what you've gone through in the last 24 hrs. If they've never done this, they'll never understand and I'm actually afraid that people will be offended that we laugh about such bizarre things at our house. It's not that it's actually funny in any way shape or form but it gets us through the day. This site is awesome. And I am finding, by reading posts on here, that it's even funnier when it happened to someone else (ie. someone else's toothbrush)! Know what I mean?! :)
Thanks Secret Sister. Bleach it is then! Wait a minute.....eewww for the socks? haha. If I had to choose, I'd take the dirty socks over the dirty underwear under my pillow any day of the week! but that's just me. :) Lots of luck on your getaway with the fam! Enjoy every second of it and soak up a couple of rays of sunshine for me, too!
um...dude or dudette... that was MY toothbrush and let me tell you that I am exceedingly happy that my toothbrush pain brought you some laughs.
Have you read through the posts on this thread? This is one long winded thread so you know that the gross out factor is rip roaring.
The B story here is the BOAT!!! that's what some of us are focusing on while we clean hoppers and wipe bottoms. There are some that are appalled that we would laugh at this stuff but tough t*tt**. It's our poop problems and we'll laugh if we want to.
Hey! We could rewrite that old song, It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to.
It's grandma's poop and I'll laugh if I want to, laugh if I want to, laugh if i want to..... You would laugh too if it happened to you...
That would segue into another old song: They're coming to take me away they are.....coming to take me away... to the FUNNY FARM....
Love you ladies and keep laughing.
Giles and Monica: happy you both love boats. We've got some plans here........
Good Tunes Bobbie. I'd buy em. And as far as "There coming to take me away.........", I keep waiting but no one's showed up yet. Some days I think that a tight white jacket and padded cell is the much needed vacation that I've been looking for. ;)
Do any of you notice that you're "elders" are more well behaved for others than they are for you at home? Granda is, as we say at our house, "nutty as squirrel turds" at home for us but when I drop her off at the senior center, they have no trouble with her. Does dementia work like that?
One time I left my girlfriend with mom while I ran an errand and the dinger on the dryer went off, (my 3rd load of the day) and my girlfriend got the clothes out and began to fold them and mom showed up and helped her! and did a good job!
I had at that time, folded clothes in front of her for at least 2 years and nothing.
it's great that your granma is going to the center as much as possible. i could never get my mom to go but the center where we used to live was disgusting and even mom was grossed out.
i think that tour loved ones just begin to see us as a factor in their lives that's there to help and bust their chops and they just tune us out after awhile and that's why they are more engaged in others. Which is great because if we can get them to be more engaged with others we'll live longer!! Good for everybody.
When i would give mom a bath, she would sit and drool on me and act catatonic. Now she has a great caregiver at the place and she's engaged with her own care and her own life in a manner that she wasn't before because i had provided all of those things and she didn't have to *think* around me.
She knows that she can come out of there in a few months but I need to heal after doing this for 5.5 years and almost killing myself in the process. just plum wore out.
So yes, in my experience, dementia is highly selective andcan drive you batty because their behavior and feel directed at us and so personal.
As for the demented, their experiences are horrific. they have a thought and a nanosecond later it's gone. they want so desperately to communicate but can't. they know something is wrong but is many cases don't understand the disease they are living with. sux.
As for the vacation aspect of your post, I have thought about calling the cops on myself late Friday night and by the time they figured out i didn't do anything I could at least gotten in a few hours of sleep and hopefully remain incarcerated until Monday morning. I heard that they actually bring you meals in jail.
vinegar works good 1 part vinegar to 3 parts water it kills germs and smells ok and also kills ants and 1/2 solution kills mold and the dollar store has pretty bags for dirty clothes bright colors. Hope you new and old friends are having nice spring weather-you keep me laughing.
I'll vouch for that vinegar to eliviate odors, it works really well. And it also gets rid of ants. In summer at the start I start spraying with a mixture of vinegar and water, it works wonders.
I need all the encouragement I can get. I actually have my toenails painted & 1 leg shaved, I will do the other one later. This is so crazy how we live....Mxo
Things just stacked up. I was all packed and ready to go and then:
1. I don't hear my alarm. 2. Nik hears his alarm, sees me still sleeping, figures I must know something and goes back to sleep. 3. I wake up half hour late and like an idiot, sit there and blink and Nik makes me a carrot juice. 4. Leave house 38 minutes late. 5. Traffic 6. TSA Security Line. Dude had a broken doohicky and kept putzing with it as in, (looking at another TSA dude) 'can you get me some more tape for this?' and then my license held special interest because that's the way it is... 7. Can't run like I used to. Of course the gate is at the end of the concourse and I'm running like it matters and then I think, wow, how about a stroke while you're trying to get to NJ. that would be ironic, so I slow down right when i'm coming up on the gate and I see the lady come out of the jetway and the door is still open but slowly closing and I holler, I'm here, I'm here but the lady is not interested and tells me that it's too late, the airplane door is just now being closed. I said it's a phone call...please call them, my suitcase is already on this plane, please, c'mon I'm good and can be sitting in 45 seconds, c'mon. 8. No go. Lady actually enjoys telling me no. Quite the smirk. 9. I sit by the window and watch the plane for 5 minutes (no lie) before they push back. 10. I figure: so what? can't do a thing about it so there you go. 11. Nik comes and picks me up and we go home. 12. Watch movie and fall asleep in chair. 13. Lady calls from mom's place and mom has a UTI.
Teach me to try and fly on Good Friday. April Fool.
Oh my goodness, bobbie. That's horrible!! Are you going tomorrow?? How will you get your luggage?? You poor thing!! Life is hard enough without that kinda stuff happenin'.
Oh it's ok, it's just the way it is. It's really ok, because I can't do anything about it now.
they will send my luggage back from Philly and call me when it gets to lax. suitcase full of dirty laundry so hopefully the TSA checked it out. because I have the w/d in nj and so thought, well, I'll just do a load when I get in... so now I'm out of socks and pj bottoms and t shirts.
I can't go tomorrow because of Easter and the tickets are 450, so now I'm going to make a nice Easter Basket for mom and I'm going to go back later in April.
It was all kind of funny actually. any one of the incidents could have saved the flight but that's not how it happened so I guess I'll just enjoy LA and Easter weekend.
I've already rearranged everything and so all is ok.
How are you miz Demi and SS and Monica with the one fuzzy leg.
One fuzzy leg. I love that. And Amy, you don't need any money to travel with this crazy crew. Bobbie might need some for that next plane ticket. Do we really want to get on a boat with her? LOL
I should be doing paperwork, but tomorrow, I'm going to kidnap my sweet guys, grab sunglasses and a kite, and go up and across the Mackinaw Bridge and drive along Lake Michigan on a beautiful Spring day, Lord willing. My two d's don't know my plans yet, but are taking me out to eat at "Best View on 2" for my birthday. :) I'm excited. Or, I could just stay home and do same ole, same ole...
Naw! I'm going to the beach I've been dreaming of all winter. And I plan to enjoy the day.
I also bought some of those plastic eggs, and my nine year old is going to have fun looking all over the yard for his goodies sometime this weekend. We'll fill em with candy, and maybe a $1 or quarter, etc. I don't like bunnies and eggs, but might as well let him enjoy being a kid. We may even have a fun watching him be happy, and share the candy. Been stressed too long. I'm breaking free! (If only for a couple days.)
Hope you all have a wonderful Easter celebration, if I don't chat with you. Remember the reason for the season. (No, it's not chocolate.) It's about the cross, sins forgiven, and the empty tomb. Love you all, and God bless you!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Oh, and todays latest and greatest fad is that she has started keeping her dirty socks and underwear under her pillow. EEEWWW! I've gone over and over the whole clothes basket concept but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. Is this a useless battle? I know I have to pick and choose my battles with her but dirty underwear under the pillow is just sooooo far from sanitary that I can't overlook it. Any ideas?
miz
yes it is a useless battle. It comes from hoarding behavior in association with the dementia. You'll only wear yourself out and deplete your energy trying to 'teach' her out of it.
just picture her with a big band-aid on her head and you will come to understand that she can't help it. brain's broken. Those little connections that we rely on to tell us that dirty stuff under the pillow is not a good idea don't work anymore.
Professionals use latex or vinyl gloves and just pick the stuff up and dispose of it. My mom would take USED tp and stash it everywhere. i could tell that when I chided her about it, it just made her feel bad but she was powerless to correct the habit so I just picked the stuff up and got rid of it without even talking about it.
I talked about it here and that's when I realized that so many people are dealing with the bathroom issues and we needed a place to sound off about it. Grossest stuff ever and I for one don't like stinks and fluids. Not for me. that's actually the main reason I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would want to be a doctor or nurse. That mess is all about poop and pee and gross stuff. arg.
Using the bathroom after mom was a trip (welcome to the invisible wet seat) until I just started putting her on the pot and cleaning her up myself. In the long run it was easier than cleaning up everything else because she became confused about wiping and then where to put the tp.
It's just the disease. You want to swear that they're doing it on purpose but it's truly the disease.
As far as disinfecting the area, you can't beat bleach and suds. If you put gloves on and keep a bucket going, you'll be able to dip your trusty rag in there and give stuff a wipe down before it gets out of hand. Rinse the rag out under the tub faucet and drop it back into the suds and bleach. I found that if I just got a bucket going as part of the beginning of the day that I just added that to my chore list and nothing smelled bad or was gross. More work load, but I got it down to minutes.
this is just what worked for me and others will have more suggestions. Good luck, you are not alone and you can do this.
Summation: don't burn up your energy trying to change gramma. ain't going to happen. Do, however, try to find some humor in it and keep posting here because we all have fought or are fighting the Poop Wars.
say, do you like boats?
lovbob
Thank you, Miz! Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Praying for sunshine that day. Or a raincheck. LOL Gotta have sun for a day trip.
Have you read through the posts on this thread? This is one long winded thread so you know that the gross out factor is rip roaring.
The B story here is the BOAT!!! that's what some of us are focusing on while we clean hoppers and wipe bottoms. There are some that are appalled that we would laugh at this stuff but tough t*tt**. It's our poop problems and we'll laugh if we want to.
Hey! We could rewrite that old song, It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to.
It's grandma's poop and I'll laugh if I want to, laugh if I want to, laugh if i want to..... You would laugh too if it happened to you...
That would segue into another old song: They're coming to take me away they are.....coming to take me away... to the FUNNY FARM....
Love you ladies and keep laughing.
Giles and Monica: happy you both love boats. We've got some plans here........
lovbob
Do any of you notice that you're "elders" are more well behaved for others than they are for you at home? Granda is, as we say at our house, "nutty as squirrel turds" at home for us but when I drop her off at the senior center, they have no trouble with her. Does dementia work like that?
Amy
One time I left my girlfriend with mom while I ran an errand and the dinger on the dryer went off, (my 3rd load of the day) and my girlfriend got the clothes out and began to fold them and mom showed up and helped her! and did a good job!
I had at that time, folded clothes in front of her for at least 2 years and nothing.
it's great that your granma is going to the center as much as possible. i could never get my mom to go but the center where we used to live was disgusting and even mom was grossed out.
i think that tour loved ones just begin to see us as a factor in their lives that's there to help and bust their chops and they just tune us out after awhile and that's why they are more engaged in others. Which is great because if we can get them to be more engaged with others we'll live longer!! Good for everybody.
When i would give mom a bath, she would sit and drool on me and act catatonic. Now she has a great caregiver at the place and she's engaged with her own care and her own life in a manner that she wasn't before because i had provided all of those things and she didn't have to *think* around me.
She knows that she can come out of there in a few months but I need to heal after doing this for 5.5 years and almost killing myself in the process. just plum wore out.
So yes, in my experience, dementia is highly selective andcan drive you batty because their behavior and feel directed at us and so personal.
As for the demented, their experiences are horrific. they have a thought and a nanosecond later it's gone. they want so desperately to communicate but can't. they know something is wrong but is many cases don't understand the disease they are living with. sux.
As for the vacation aspect of your post, I have thought about calling the cops on myself late Friday night and by the time they figured out i didn't do anything I could at least gotten in a few hours of sleep and hopefully remain incarcerated until Monday morning. I heard that they actually bring you meals in jail.
lovbob
Hello everyone.
love ya SS
1. I don't hear my alarm.
2. Nik hears his alarm, sees me still sleeping, figures I must know something and goes back to sleep.
3. I wake up half hour late and like an idiot, sit there and blink and Nik makes me a carrot juice.
4. Leave house 38 minutes late.
5. Traffic
6. TSA Security Line. Dude had a broken doohicky and kept putzing with it as in, (looking at another TSA dude) 'can you get me some more tape for this?' and then my license held special interest because that's the way it is...
7. Can't run like I used to. Of course the gate is at the end of the concourse and I'm running like it matters and then I think, wow, how about a stroke while you're trying to get to NJ. that would be ironic, so I slow down right when i'm coming up on the gate and I see the lady come out of the jetway and the door is still open but slowly closing and I holler, I'm here, I'm here but the lady is not interested and tells me that it's too late, the airplane door is just now being closed. I said it's a phone call...please call them, my suitcase is already on this plane, please, c'mon I'm good and can be sitting in 45 seconds, c'mon.
8. No go. Lady actually enjoys telling me no. Quite the smirk.
9. I sit by the window and watch the plane for 5 minutes (no lie) before they push back.
10. I figure: so what? can't do a thing about it so there you go.
11. Nik comes and picks me up and we go home.
12. Watch movie and fall asleep in chair.
13. Lady calls from mom's place and mom has a UTI.
Teach me to try and fly on Good Friday. April Fool.
how's everybody else?
lovbob
they will send my luggage back from Philly and call me when it gets to lax. suitcase full of dirty laundry so hopefully the TSA checked it out. because I have the w/d in nj and so thought, well, I'll just do a load when I get in... so now I'm out of socks and pj bottoms and t shirts.
I can't go tomorrow because of Easter and the tickets are 450, so now I'm going to make a nice Easter Basket for mom and I'm going to go back later in April.
It was all kind of funny actually. any one of the incidents could have saved the flight but that's not how it happened so I guess I'll just enjoy LA and Easter weekend.
I've already rearranged everything and so all is ok.
How are you miz Demi and SS and Monica with the one fuzzy leg.
love you guys,
lovbob
I should be doing paperwork, but tomorrow, I'm going to kidnap my sweet guys, grab sunglasses and a kite, and go up and across the Mackinaw Bridge and drive along Lake Michigan on a beautiful Spring day, Lord willing. My two d's don't know my plans yet, but are taking me out to eat at "Best View on 2" for my birthday. :) I'm excited. Or, I could just stay home and do same ole, same ole...
Naw! I'm going to the beach I've been dreaming of all winter. And I plan to enjoy the day.
I also bought some of those plastic eggs, and my nine year old is going to have fun looking all over the yard for his goodies sometime this weekend. We'll fill em with candy, and maybe a $1 or quarter, etc. I don't like bunnies and eggs, but might as well let him enjoy being a kid. We may even have a fun watching him be happy, and share the candy. Been stressed too long. I'm breaking free! (If only for a couple days.)
Hope you all have a wonderful Easter celebration, if I don't chat with you. Remember the reason for the season. (No, it's not chocolate.) It's about the cross, sins forgiven, and the empty tomb. Love you all, and God bless you!