Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
CC!! awful! I am so sorry. I've had to count to 50.... so I hear your pain!
I think Cuz was saying spray just peroxide on the toe fungus as opposed to a soak. He was against bleach and pro peroxide.
DEEF!! great post with how you keep up with everybody! Jeeze, that's cold! and yes I remember the heating bills from mom's house and that huge building. Glad you're going to get some help with that! Yup, I've got coffee and yup I'm still up in the air and the boat is a little chilly.... and man wouldn't a nice pot of soup be great! And for my other foot.......
(Cat is trying to hook me a good one as I type) Ow.
GP! great questions and where oh where do you and cuz get the cool stuff you're posting? (Don't tell us. It would take the fun out)
Miz!! countdown! be happy you're home right this minute with a good heater!
Rossella! please oh please take your medicine and stay strong so we can meet one fine day and have fun! You are an inspiration!
Linda! kiss Pa for me and stay warm.
Christine! how's it going this am? Jam! chillout! Jen!
Maxine! always good to see you! Where's Rip? Pirate? Ted? Flex? and our other crewmembers?
They are taking out my old bowthruster and getting the boat ready for scraping and sanding. Guys just show up and walk in and scare me to pieces.
I know I missed a bunch of crew so chew me out with a hug... more later, lovbob
Y'know that with the Donner Party, it was some of the women who made it over the summit and into the Sacramento valley to bring back help. 22' of snow that year on what is now Donner Summit. Now you whiz by that whole encampment on I-80 in about a minute and can make Sac in less than 2 hours from Reno. Amazing.
It's 11AM and still -2 here! It's a pain bringing the trash out front for pick-up. Literally!!! I have Raynaud's, so have to bundle up against frostbite. Came back in with hives on my face, and a wicked brain freeze!!!!! Hope everyone else is staying warm!
Good Morning Friends & Friends!! I've been writing thank you notes this morning and damn it makes me sad. Why does one have to do stuff that makes them sad? I know I don't HAVE to do it but Mom would want me to, although I know she would not want me to be sad.
Yes, bobbie, I am grateful for the heater and this roof over our heads. I should not complain with all the homeless people and critters out there. I don't know if I mentioned this before but we are feeding a stray out back. Yesterday, the food was not gone and we thought sure something had gotten the kitty or maybe it had frozen to death. Well today the food was gone and we saw kitty footprints in the snow. Kitty footprints are so dang cute. I was so relieved.
Deef, I have noticed that my Raynaud's is getting worse. I must be careful as you are. Sucks.
Back to work today. We only got about one inch of additional snow last night so hopefully the roads will be pretty clear.
I see that Cuz and Peach are on a much needed hiatus from Jokes, so I will put one in because I got it from my neighbor: Prayer for 2011 Dear Lord, For 2011, all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body. I pray you do not mix them up again as you did last year. Amen. I get lots of jokes from my neighbor and cousins, but they are very political or nasty (which I do not like, and I have to get in their faces once in a while. I don't like to do that either) and I wouldn't do that to you stressed out friends. My sister does not "Do forwards", as she likes to remind me, like she's from the uppity planet, but yesterday, she sent me an email WARNING ME she was going to forward a FUNNY story and would I please read it when I have a moment. She did that once before: A warning email that she was going to forward something she would not normally forward. Now, Peach, why don't YOU do that? For Petie's sake. Cuz, I think you OWN all the jokes you send. This is what she forwarded: "The Sad Story"--about Pillsbury Doughboy!!!!! About his funeral. WHOA. I emailed her back after I dblckd to make sure she hadn't made a mistake and wrote: "Re Sis Forwarding: Noting your choice of the millions of possibilities to choose from, please stick to your original policy." Those of you who have been emailing and/or online for at least 10 years and have not seen the story, someone is bound to sent it to you, sooner or later. It's cute, kinda funny-- the first time. But, really not something you need to WARN PEOPLE ABOUT!!! Yikes. Help me. Going for walk now. See you all later. (Dying of a yeast infection? No.)
Hi everyone we are expecting no 6 or maybr no. 7 storm -n-they are not sure when it is coming or how much that forcast is real helpful-I am pretty much staying inside-have not had a fall in some time and would rather not have it on the ice and snow Deefer and Miz I am so sorry you both have Raynauds that is so hard to deal with CC I am so sorry about your husband's fractured hip-will he have to go to rehab-here they throw people out of the hospital so fast most have to go to rehab for a while. Has anyone heard from Ted -I hope he finally got time off and is alright first Crowe leaves us and now no word from Ted.
I didn't think I was going to have to vent today....oh how wrong could I be? There are opportunities to vent as often as there are opportunities for me to breathe!
I AM TOTALLY GROSSED OUT BY THE FOLLOWING: (These are real things that have been said to me over the past 20 months. The first and second on the list were within the last 20 minutes and prompted my steam release valve to trigger.)
1) My phone rang after I got Grandma seated on the toilet. I ran to answer the phone and returned to find her scrubbing her back with the TOILET BRUSH. I tried not to react too strongly but when I tried to take it away from her she was getting angry with me. I finally said..."Grandma that is the toilet brush, since when is it ok to use that as a back scratcher?" She looked at me and said "I know what it is and it is perfectly ok to use that as a back scratcher if it is dry".
Can I get a group gag? It was my husband on the phone with me and he heard her say that. He said it was going to become his new saying....
2) After toilet time and a #2 she asked me. "Who pooped in the toilet and left if for me to clean up?". (I must be really old school..."if it is on YOUR rear it must be YOUR poop"). If she hadn't been so distracted by the toilet brush maybe she could remember who pooped in the toilet.
3) After waiting a bit too long to "rush" grandma to the toilet she had pooped on the floor before sitting down on the commode. She pointed a finger at that turd and blamed my dog for pooping on the rug. My dog knew that wasn't hers. Now I can see my dog pointing at her own rug brownies and blaming grandma.
I learned that it is perfectly ok to IGNORE the advice of your elders. That it is time to store the toilet brush somewhere else. And most importantly, there is a TOILET GNOME loose in North America pooping on carpets, in panties, and in toilets everywhere! Be careful out there, your home could be next.
Welcome to CC, Headbanger, & chillout! Funny...when Bobbie did the "cuz! chillout!" it took me a minute to "get" that she was doing a shout out & not telling cuz to chillout!!! LOL Glad that all of you guys are here with us...not that you're going through this part of your life, but glad that we've "met" & can help support each other!
CC, I am SO sorry that your husband fell, broke his hip & has had to have surgery! How awful for both of you!!! I know that you'll have your hands full & the suggestion for respite care for your mil is a very good one so you can be there for your husband! Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! Yes, I'm interested to know if you're English, too! Just curious! I have a friend who lives in England. I inheriated her from my aunt when she passed 3 years ago. They had been snail-mail penpals for 60 years!!! We still snail-mail, but now also email! She's a sweetheart & the best part of my inheritance!!! Also thought you might be from Aussie! I have a friend there, too! We've been email pals for 15 years, now! Please KNOW that we're here to encourage you through this! I'm so glad that you found this thread when you did!!!
deef! I am SO sorry that it's so cold up there & that it's causing you pain!!! Gosh, it just hurts when I know that you guys are hurting!!! Wishing I could do something to make things better for you! Glad that you're gonna have new neighbors & it's someone that you can trust! That's important! Great suggestions on the bedding & "depends"!!! Thanks!
headbanger, we understand! Loved the term "carpet brownies"!
Diane, are you feeling better? I sure hope so!
Rossella, I too, have high blood pressure & yes, PLEASE make sure that you take your meds everyday & take care of yourself! I don't want you to have a stoke or a heart attack!!!
Bobbie, glad that you're warm! I have a confession to make...I write my own stuff & my name is really Roseanne Barr!!! LOL!!!
FYI...Rip & I email, just about daily! She's just needing some quiet time, right now! She's still reading & a part of the Crew...a vital part!!! She told me if there's a reason to worry that she'd let me know! I'm trusting her! (((((RIP)))))
Everybody else, sending hugs you way & hoping that you're having a great afternoon!
Hey headbanger! Same boat, different boat, submarine, just as long as they're following the same charts & the same coordinates, to end up at the same place to throw me a life line! : )
Went to the doc today. MUCH bloodwork done! As if... ...lol Much DEBATE on plan of action by medical staff. Hopefully will have test results & info on a referral to another doc tomorrow. Bobbie, told to take Folic Acid (you're brillant!!!) & Iron...a lot more than what I was taking already! Thanks everybody for your concern, suggestions & encouragement! I've got the BESTEST family!!! Love you guys!!!
5.A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
11.Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “I thought you said you'd only played once before"! Jesus replied, "I have only played once before, but the course wasn't this easy"!
Headbanger, Toilet Gnome? Guess that's what happens here. Drops them on my new shoes, the rug, in the waste basket..... Peach, I was on iron for over 15 years, and folic acid for 10. Well, the sun was out most of the day, but it never got too warm! Had to get bird feed, so took the car for a long ride to warm the engine up for another cold night. Supposed to get an inch or so overnight. Hope they don't cancel daycare again!
Hi dear ladies. Sorry to hear you are still fighting with cold, bad weather and the usual stuff. I haven't a lot to say because I am working hard, so I just work or cook, and I sleep on chairs two hours at a time. I made lasagna tonight. Thanks everybody. I take my pills every day and I have had these problems for 15 years already, and I am still here! Headbanger, your grandma does not lack a certain logic (I am talking about the WC brush). As far as the toilet gnome, he visits all of us. When my mother makes a mess, it's always been the cats (useless to explain that the size of it is quite different) I liked the idea of your dog who blames your grandma for his poop, Very cute, I like British-like sense of humour! 'Nite everybody!
just want to throw this your way went to dr with moma tody for her elbw the one she broke twice last year in april for the final apt since then is when i found this website after we got house phone and internet thank goodness glad i found my friends here a lot has happen in the almost years time that i have had to become a full time caregiver for my mom but why i am writing tonite is because i want to inform you of a health program for the ones you care for the one you may carefor in the future or yourself or other loved ones friends or family the health insurance company HEALTH SPRINGS is fradulantly selling theirt product to medicare patients with the understanding that what ever they dont pay medicare will pay it is simply not true once you sign your name you are automaticly taken to an hmo health care plan and it covers only 80 percent and the patien is responsible for the remainder the full 20 percent my mom has incured many medical expences since she enrolled in this plan for the year 2010. also in 2009 in oct when the rep came to the house he was very rude to me and i should have thwe him out then but because i figured my mom knew at the time what she was doing i step back and let her handle her business of course now i wish i would hove stood my ground and she does too. the rep also stared the plan unexpectedly in november of 2009 to which is not suppost to be done now in 2011 my mom in nov of 2010 dis enrolled in that plan and enrolled in another plan WELL let me tell you we are have a time getting them to get the connection HEALTH SPRING will not let go and medicare still shows she has health spring and mom has filled out severl times disenrollment papers IT HAS BEEN A NITEMARE PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING AND STAY AWAY FROM THEIS HEALTH CARE COMPANY ARE ANYTHING LIKE IT just thought i would let my friends know to put the icing on the cake mom was in the middle of a mri today they had her current insurance information the new information got her up on the table and all set to start the test they call me to the dest they called medicare and medicare said they needed to call health springs because she was still enrolled with them well we went through the infomation again and guess what THEY STOPPED THE TEST THEY DID NOT KNOW IF THEY WOULD GET PAID not uncommon found out thur the cours of the last six months of the year health sproings has not paid most of the providers they owe and now are starting to look to the patients for more than the 20 percents isnt that lovely
OMG, true. That is terrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you and your mom. There are definitely scammers and questionable businesses out there that prey on people. What REALLY pisses me off is when they prey on the elderly. That's just a sin.
bettere off to find a hometown family doctors , stay away from stranges places , that they are hungry for money , they ll run all kinds of b s test and it is not needed . screw em ,
took dad to dr today . dr says his chest is sounded better and was concerned about his heart rate 52 , so she wants to see him again next week . she precrib another round of antibodi .. also had chest xray , they ll call me tmr with results . then went to see a diffrent dr to remove the sitches out of dad s arm , one was healed and ready but the other one wasnt quite ready . gotta go back n see him again next mon too . i didnt feel like taking dad s wheelchair out of thevan , its heavy and wasntin mood to fight with it , went inside and saw one so i grab em and realized its a very wide wheel chair , wow ! got pa in it , he sure was comefrtable in it :-) i can relate miz s feelings , i too ck in and read and then im doing something eles , tnite i thought i better let you all know about my dad . peachie , im so glad ure seeing the doctors and get urself back to peachie ! we love you ... jsomebody ,, i sure hope ure feeling better now , i hate begin sick , its a nightmare . get well real soon j ... i hear bobbies boat calling your name :-) i better get off here and go ck on dad then flop on the couch and find me a good movie to watch , after all that runnin around i came home and took a nap right away , didnt get to visit my man . sis said he went to bed early too , ahh everybodys tired but dad he s big bright eyes , goodnight you all . xoxo
MIZ MEDICARE RECOMMENEd because mom turned 70 so i under stood well i am in the processof filling a fraud compalaint againist them and medicare and writing letter to congressman and anyone else i can think of i havent sent any yet simply because mom is in a limbo and i dont want her to not have anything but after today it is on its way when we got hom she got back on the phone again with health springs and medicare and she is to get a phone call tommorrow she told them if she did not receive a call by 12 she would be calling them both back she told them she wants it resolved today if it soes not get resolved before the 1st of the month there will be further problems for sure i was proud of her i been on her case about calling these people and she has been mad at me but they wont always talk to me you know and she finally got mad at the right people
linda u r in my prayers get u some rest
jsomebody get well
gp piranah is right when the rep first cam to our house i ask a question and when he told me it was non of my concern OOO I SAW RED I WANTED TO STRANGLE HIM AND THROW HIM OUT ON HIS HEAD but i was a good daughter and stormed out of the house and bit my tounge well lets just see how far we get with a complaint i will not even try to sugar coat it i will sent it just as raw as it comes
What happens when you get blonde genies? A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door.
He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.'
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm . You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am , and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM , why don't you want me here until 10:00 am ?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I've had to count to 50.... so I hear your pain!
I think Cuz was saying spray just peroxide on the toe fungus as opposed to a soak. He was against bleach and pro peroxide.
DEEF!! great post with how you keep up with everybody!
Jeeze, that's cold! and yes I remember the heating bills from mom's house and that huge building. Glad you're going to get some help with that!
Yup, I've got coffee and yup I'm still up in the air and the boat is a little chilly.... and man wouldn't a nice pot of soup be great! And for my other foot.......
(Cat is trying to hook me a good one as I type) Ow.
GP! great questions and where oh where do you and cuz get the cool stuff you're posting? (Don't tell us. It would take the fun out)
Miz!! countdown! be happy you're home right this minute with a good heater!
Rossella! please oh please take your medicine and stay strong so we can meet one fine day and have fun! You are an inspiration!
Linda! kiss Pa for me and stay warm.
Christine! how's it going this am?
Jam! chillout! Jen!
Maxine! always good to see you!
Where's Rip? Pirate? Ted? Flex? and our other crewmembers?
They are taking out my old bowthruster and getting the boat ready for scraping and sanding. Guys just show up and walk in and scare me to pieces.
I know I missed a bunch of crew so chew me out with a hug...
more later,
lovbob
22' of snow that year on what is now Donner Summit. Now you whiz by that whole encampment on I-80 in about a minute and can make Sac in less than 2 hours from Reno. Amazing.
lovbob
Hope everyone else is staying warm!
Yes, bobbie, I am grateful for the heater and this roof over our heads. I should not complain with all the homeless people and critters out there. I don't know if I mentioned this before but we are feeding a stray out back. Yesterday, the food was not gone and we thought sure something had gotten the kitty or maybe it had frozen to death. Well today the food was gone and we saw kitty footprints in the snow. Kitty footprints are so dang cute. I was so relieved.
Deef, I have noticed that my Raynaud's is getting worse. I must be careful as you are. Sucks.
Back to work today. We only got about one inch of additional snow last night so hopefully the roads will be pretty clear.
More later. Love yous!!
miz
Prayer for 2011
Dear Lord,
For 2011, all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body.
I pray you do not mix them up again as you did last year.
Amen.
I get lots of jokes from my neighbor and cousins, but they are very political or nasty (which I do not like, and I have to get in their faces once in a while. I don't like to do that either) and I wouldn't do that to you stressed out friends.
My sister does not "Do forwards", as she likes to remind me, like she's from the uppity planet, but yesterday, she sent me an email WARNING ME she was going to forward a FUNNY story and would I please read it when I have a moment. She did that once before: A warning email that she was going to forward something she would not normally forward. Now, Peach, why don't YOU do that? For Petie's sake. Cuz, I think you OWN all the jokes you send. This is what she forwarded: "The Sad Story"--about Pillsbury Doughboy!!!!! About his funeral. WHOA.
I emailed her back after I dblckd to make sure she hadn't made a mistake and wrote: "Re Sis Forwarding: Noting your choice of the millions of possibilities to choose from, please stick to your original policy." Those of you who have been emailing and/or online for at least 10 years and have not seen the story, someone is bound to sent it to you, sooner or later. It's cute, kinda funny-- the first time. But, really not something you need to WARN PEOPLE ABOUT!!! Yikes. Help me. Going for walk now. See you all later. (Dying of a yeast infection? No.)
I AM TOTALLY GROSSED OUT BY THE FOLLOWING: (These are real things that have been said to me over the past 20 months. The first and second on the list were within the last 20 minutes and prompted my steam release valve to trigger.)
1) My phone rang after I got Grandma seated on the toilet. I ran to answer the phone and returned to find her scrubbing her back with the TOILET BRUSH. I tried not to react too strongly but when I tried to take it away from her she was getting angry with me. I finally said..."Grandma that is the toilet brush, since when is it ok to use that as a back scratcher?" She looked at me and said "I know what it is and it is perfectly ok to use that as a back scratcher if it is dry".
Can I get a group gag? It was my husband on the phone with me and he heard her say that. He said it was going to become his new saying....
2) After toilet time and a #2 she asked me. "Who pooped in the toilet and left if for me to clean up?". (I must be really old school..."if it is on YOUR rear it must be YOUR poop"). If she hadn't been so distracted by the toilet brush maybe she could remember who pooped in the toilet.
3) After waiting a bit too long to "rush" grandma to the toilet she had pooped on the floor before sitting down on the commode. She pointed a finger at that turd and blamed my dog for pooping on the rug. My dog knew that wasn't hers. Now I can see my dog pointing at her own rug brownies and blaming grandma.
I learned that it is perfectly ok to IGNORE the advice of your elders. That it is time to store the toilet brush somewhere else. And most importantly, there is a TOILET GNOME loose in North America pooping on carpets, in panties, and in toilets everywhere! Be careful out there, your home could be next.
Welcome to CC, Headbanger, & chillout! Funny...when Bobbie did the "cuz! chillout!" it took me a minute to "get" that she was doing a shout out & not telling cuz to chillout!!! LOL Glad that all of you guys are here with us...not that you're going through this part of your life, but glad that we've "met" & can help support each other!
CC, I am SO sorry that your husband fell, broke his hip & has had to have surgery! How awful for both of you!!! I know that you'll have your hands full & the suggestion for respite care for your mil is a very good one so you can be there for your husband! Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! Yes, I'm interested to know if you're English, too! Just curious! I have a friend who lives in England. I inheriated her from my aunt when she passed 3 years ago. They had been snail-mail penpals for 60 years!!! We still snail-mail, but now also email! She's a sweetheart & the best part of my inheritance!!! Also thought you might be from Aussie! I have a friend there, too! We've been email pals for 15 years, now! Please KNOW that we're here to encourage you through this! I'm so glad that you found this thread when you did!!!
deef! I am SO sorry that it's so cold up there & that it's causing you pain!!! Gosh, it just hurts when I know that you guys are hurting!!! Wishing I could do something to make things better for you! Glad that you're gonna have new neighbors & it's someone that you can trust! That's important! Great suggestions on the bedding & "depends"!!! Thanks!
headbanger, we understand! Loved the term "carpet brownies"!
Diane, are you feeling better? I sure hope so!
Rossella, I too, have high blood pressure & yes, PLEASE make sure that you take your meds everyday & take care of yourself! I don't want you to have a stoke or a heart attack!!!
Bobbie, glad that you're warm! I have a confession to make...I write my own stuff & my name is really Roseanne Barr!!! LOL!!!
FYI...Rip & I email, just about daily! She's just needing some quiet time, right now! She's still reading & a part of the Crew...a vital part!!! She told me if there's a reason to worry that she'd let me know! I'm trusting her! (((((RIP)))))
Everybody else, sending hugs you way & hoping that you're having a great afternoon!
Love & BIG hugs!
peach
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Cooking lesson #1: don’t fry bacon in the nude.
Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Peach, I was on iron for over 15 years, and folic acid for 10.
Well, the sun was out most of the day, but it never got too warm! Had to get bird feed, so took the car for a long ride to warm the engine up for another cold night. Supposed to get an inch or so overnight. Hope they don't cancel daycare again!
Thanks everybody. I take my pills every day and I have had these problems for 15 years already, and I am still here!
Headbanger, your grandma does not lack a certain logic (I am talking about the WC brush). As far as the toilet gnome, he visits all of us. When my mother makes a mess, it's always been the cats (useless to explain that the size of it is quite different) I liked the idea of your dog who blames your grandma for his poop, Very cute, I like British-like sense of humour!
'Nite everybody!
went to dr with moma tody for her elbw
the one she broke twice last year in april for the final apt
since then is when i found this website after we got house phone and internet
thank goodness
glad i found my friends here
a lot has happen in the almost years time that i have had to become a full time caregiver for my mom
but why i am writing tonite is because i want to inform you of a health program for the ones you care for
the one you may carefor in the future
or yourself or other loved ones
friends or family
the health insurance company HEALTH SPRINGS is fradulantly selling theirt product to medicare patients with the understanding that what ever they dont pay medicare will pay it is simply not true
once you sign your name you are automaticly taken to an hmo health care plan and it covers only 80 percent and the patien is responsible for the remainder the full 20 percent
my mom has incured many medical expences since she enrolled in this plan for the year 2010.
also in 2009 in oct when the rep came to the house he was very rude to me and i should have thwe him out then but because i figured my mom knew at the time what she was doing i step back and let her handle her business
of course now i wish i would hove stood my ground and she does too.
the rep also stared the plan unexpectedly in november of 2009 to which is not suppost to be done
now in 2011 my mom in nov of 2010 dis enrolled in that plan and enrolled in another plan
WELL let me tell you we are have a time getting them to get the connection
HEALTH SPRING will not let go
and medicare still shows she has health spring and mom has filled out severl times disenrollment papers
IT HAS BEEN A NITEMARE
PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING AND STAY AWAY FROM THEIS HEALTH CARE COMPANY ARE ANYTHING LIKE IT
just thought i would let my friends know
to put the icing on the cake
mom was in the middle of a mri today
they had her current insurance information the new information
got her up on the table and all set to start the test
they call me to the dest they called medicare and medicare said they needed to call health springs because she was still enrolled with them
well we went through the infomation again and
guess what
THEY STOPPED THE TEST
THEY DID NOT KNOW IF THEY WOULD GET PAID
not uncommon found out thur the cours of the last six months of the year health sproings has not paid most of the providers they owe and now are starting to look to the patients for more than the 20 percents
isnt that lovely
stay away from stranges places , that they are hungry for money , they ll run all kinds of b s test and it is not needed . screw em ,
took dad to dr today . dr says his chest is sounded better and was concerned about his heart rate 52 , so she wants to see him again next week . she precrib another round of antibodi .. also had chest xray , they ll call me tmr with results . then went to see a diffrent dr to remove the sitches out of dad s arm , one was healed and ready but the other one wasnt quite ready . gotta go back n see him again next mon too .
i didnt feel like taking dad s wheelchair out of thevan , its heavy and wasntin mood to fight with it , went inside and saw one so i grab em and realized its a very wide wheel chair , wow !
got pa in it , he sure was comefrtable in it :-)
i can relate miz s feelings , i too ck in and read and then im doing something eles ,
tnite i thought i better let you all know about my dad .
peachie , im so glad ure seeing the doctors and get urself back to peachie ! we love you ...
jsomebody ,, i sure hope ure feeling better now , i hate begin sick , its a nightmare . get well real soon j ... i hear bobbies boat calling your name :-)
i better get off here and go ck on dad then flop on the couch and find me a good movie to watch , after all that runnin around i came home and took a nap right away , didnt get to visit my man . sis said he went to bed early too , ahh everybodys tired but dad he s big bright eyes ,
goodnight you all . xoxo
Awwww Linda, I love you guys, too!
MEDICARE RECOMMENEd because mom turned 70 so i under stood
well i am in the processof filling a fraud compalaint againist them and medicare and writing letter to congressman and anyone else i can think of i havent sent any yet simply because mom is in a limbo and i dont want her to not have anything but after today it is on its way
when we got hom she got back on the phone again with health springs and medicare and she is to get a phone call tommorrow she told them if she did not receive a call by 12 she would be calling them both back she told them she wants it resolved today
if it soes not get resolved before the 1st of the month there will be further problems for sure
i was proud of her i been on her case about calling these people and she has been mad at me but they wont always talk to me you know and she finally got mad at the right people
linda u r in my prayers get u some rest
jsomebody get well
gp piranah is right when the rep first cam to our house i ask a question and when he told me it was non of my concern
OOO I SAW RED
I WANTED TO STRANGLE HIM AND THROW HIM OUT ON HIS HEAD but i was a good daughter and stormed out of the house and bit my tounge
well lets just see how far we get with a complaint
i will not even try to sugar coat it i will sent it just as raw as it comes
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door.
He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.'
your own.
The answer is at the bottom of the email for those who are unable to think this
one through.
Here's the riddle:
At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the
earth.
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.
The other is getting oral sex from an 85-year-old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?
Don't look down!!!!!
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm . You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am , and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM , why don't you want me here until 10:00 am ?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."