Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Thank you so much for the laugh. We just moved and took mom with us a few months ago and have been going through a really rough spot. Her hygiene is really grossing me out!

selfish......if I were in your position I think I would put the picture in a box and forget it. From experience I can tell you that they don't care, they know their parents exist, but you are not going to force them to do anything. After all the turmoil I went through after my mother passed, I sat and thought about all of the pictures I have of children, grandchildren, sisters, brother that I have separated because I was planning to get them all scrapbooked. Well, not now.....I am going through them again and pulling the ones of the nasty, ungrateful children and grandchildren who don't know any better, mean, hateful sister and oblivious brother and they are going into a box....not wasting anymore of my time, money or supplies to showcase them in a book when they apparently don't give a darn about me or my mother when she was alive.
Ted.....promise us you will take one day for just you. Everything will be clean and shiny for momma when she gets home, except for you because you have been working so hard. If the weather allows, get outside and go for a walk....DO SOMETHING FOR TED!!!!
Watching hubby putting a crock pot of beef soup on for dinner....smells yummy already.
Going to get dressed and see how the col is faring this morning....she was in a mood yesterday and last night. Made her take off the nasty globbed mascara and then last night she insisted on taking her purse to bed with her. Said someone might come in and steal it and I asked what was in it that is so important.....my i.d. and I asked if someone broke in did she need to identify herself and she said yes.....:0....She thinks the boogie man is staring at her through her patio blinds.....we have told her the boogie man lives upstairs with lots of guns to protect us all.......oh my she is such a goof....it's the disease, it's the disease, it's the disease........................................

Hey Jam: someone WANTING to steal col's identity.
could be scary. heehee

Hi laktpi! so, what's she doing? we are here to listen and laugh!

just THINKING someone wants it gives me the shivers.......lol

Jam, Make sure they take the pillow when they take the ID

beh....up....shower...shopping day...fp to adh...wish he'd not come back...mom s really starting to get annoyed by him as well these days..hahaha...whatever.

I am sorry Peachie isn't doing good, take good care of yourself Peach!

Hope miz feels better soon and can enjoy all her boat time.

Hope everyone is safe and sane...well as sane as can be expected....

No such luck here...Mom likes crabbing at me any old time so she has to make stuff up.."Jenny are you going to come up here and watch the dog...(Blind in chair) I don't want to leave him up her alone..." "We leave him home all day." (Doors shut stairs blocked off) "Well he is in the chair!" Hmm take him OUT of the chair maybe? NOOOOOO too complicated lets Bitch at Jenny like it is her fault...More tax stuff, yes fp has so much money it is a do it today sign it tomorrow job...die old man die...

Selfish....I would put it in a Valentines day card from Mom to them...with much love kids....tear at their frayed heartstrings!

Ted- good luck with the scrubbing, dont; forget to use gloves those detergents will do a number on your skin!

Yesterday I had a substitute caregiver - mine was moving over the weekend and needed Mon off...so I got there before the caregiver did and cleaned up mom and showed the caregiver the basic ropes..when I got there after work you wouldn't believe how many drawers were opened up in my mom's room and not closed properly..what the h#ll was she looking for..never once called me if she was looking for something...wonder if it was money...there was no money in any of those drawers...well I don't think some I have not checked..mostly a million pieces of clothes or perfum. Will have to look through those again...geesh..I hate having caregivers in the house I really hate it!

I am so sorry your stand in caregiver abused the situation. I am a live-in caregiver and there are drawers here that I have never opened!! I know where the things are that I need, and I have no need to look any further. I feel so bad for all of you that do not have someone you can count on, on all levels, to give you a break. I pray for all of you to get someone as wonderful as me...lol I hope ya'll know I am kidding, because I really feel bad for ya'll. And if you find anything missing, confront her!!!!

SS, send them the picture and draw devils horns and weird eyeballs on their faces, the siblings, that is.

Jam and Christina - wish I agreed cause it would be a lot easier, but I do not. Not there yet. Not close. Why should I have to sit and watch my parents deteriorate in front of eyes, do EVERYTHING for them, while the other two continue to stay out of the picture? One of them is so clueless they call my parents and complain about their stupid shit. They have no idea what it is like out here. How bad Mom and Dad are. They're not even human. Screw them.

sskape2 - YES!!! LOL - the laugh I needed!!! Keep the ideas coming! I know we've got some creative people out there!

Look, I know I can't successfully humiliate them that they blew off their parents, or shame them as Christina said. But what's happening here is "out of sight, out of mind." So I just thought I'd keep the thought of what they are missing, in their minds, or at least in their mailbox.

Well, as Bobbie says, why don't you get the film crew, SelfishSiblings, and go to their respective doors? Or, wait until they're out to dinner somewhere really nice, then go there with a camera, or a big burly guy--a Big Rocky type, heehee-- and HUMILIATE THE HELL OUT OF THEM IN PUBLIC! Serious. I'll be there. Are you in California, or would I have to fly to get there? I often wonder if my sibs will feel any guilt after our Mother leaves the planet, or will I still be harboring resentment, and wishing they had left with her. I can feel the patronizing pats on my head even now. I'm trying, too, SS, every day. I calm down, then one of them does something mindless, shallow, inconsiderate, selfish, and I ask, WHY ME, GOD?!?!
COME ON, GIVE ME A FRICKIN BREAK!!! Maybe that's why i keep re-injuring my shoulder? Hang in there, SS. Love, c

PQ--I hate caregivers in the house, too. It's my house, and my husband and I have NO PRIVACY anymore unless we go upstairs into our bedroom. He does not like that. They permeate the house along with my Mother
They are helpful during the day, and I need the help, so I'm thankful, but, what I have given up for a manipulative Mother, and how my generous husband has given up so much for however long, it is very unfair. Besides that, I have gained weight from the stress, while my sister gloats over yet another pant size down. "Well, I just quit eating sugar. You can do it too"
F--- Y--, B----!@!!!!!!

selfish....I understand your feelings of frustration and the need to do SOMETHING....and how you feel because you are the only one doing things.....a conscience would make them do or feel something correct? Maybe they are suffering their own feelings of guilt and by your sending the picture maybe they would then think it's okay to visit because you don't blame them for ignoring the parents. Clueless? You bet they are.......I did everything for my mother and my youngest sister called me a bitchy c--t..........the same one who saw my mother once every 6 months when the guilt got so bad she thought she should do something....so a 30 min visit was in order. Hurts? You bet it does, feels like your heart is being wrenched right out of your chest...frustrating, maddening, makes you want to use a pillow on someone, anyone. You know in your heart what needs to be done or what you want to do......we can only tell you what we would do in our own situation. I cannot speak for everyone else here, but whatever your decision I agree with you and will be here to listen.

DITTO, SS.

Yes, Christina, you hit the nail on the head. I'm having a Pity Party day! Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Peace out,

-SS

Dear caregivers, I had two very difficult days with my mother's health; yesterday. she stayed all day at the hospital doing exams for problems of blood circulation, they prescribed her a medicine, they told us there was nothing serious. Today she took the pill and had a very bad reaction to the pill and she vomited and she can't stand on her feet, she is a dead weight. I put her (literally) in bed and as I have to work tonight I am going to check on her every half an hour or so. Maybe we shall have to go back to the hospital tonight. I hope not. Well, I have not even called her brother and sister, I have called my brother for sure, who is giving me advice by telephone. But, as usual, the whole situation is 99 percent on my shoulders. (and on my helpers' shoulders; i have to say they have behaved very well these last two days). I think that our work as caregivers is so exhausting, it drains so much of our mental, physical, emotional energies that we don't need more problems. I advice to all of you who still feel abandoned by their siblings to simply forget it; it is a waste of time. They don't care enough (or they don't care at all). There is no point in getting sad or distressed about it anymore. They won't change they won't understand whatever you do. The irony is useless, the confrontation is useless, too...
Just forget it and keep your energy for the hard work we do.
This is just my advice. It took me two years to start thinking like this. The thing that opened my eyes was last Christmas when the two siblings of my mother organized a Christmas holiday between the two of them (the healthy ones) excluding my mother as she is no more herself. That made me understand were we stand, and took away all the illusions...
I live much better since.
Lots of kisses to all of you. Ted, yes, try to rest, because I think I have understood that you are going to keep your mother with you at least for the moment, so you need to rest before she comes back home.
'Nite everybody and a big kiss to SS

rossella, sorry you have had an exhausting time with your mom. I hope she is feeling better and you don't have to go back to the hospital.

Hi Christina, I just have to say how much i enjoy reading your blogs. You say everything that stews inside of my head in re: to my siblings..... Thank you for being my voice too....... You are the best.... I so know exactly how you feel.

thanks sskape, she is still alive. I went to see her 5 minutes ago.

Christina...yes they sure do permeate the house...I hate it....they rearrange things on their own..do stuff I don't like, can't find when they put every living dish and silverware away..I like to keep a few simple dishes and silverware out to grab easily nope have to refind and rewash...my mom's old cupboards are a bit moldy from being old so I have to wash everything that comes out of the cupboard, guess I am a freak like that...then the other day AFTER PUTTING A NOTE BY THE HEATER DON'T TURN PAST 70..I come home to find the heater blasting at 72 dehydrating my mom even more...I ask her to give Gatorage and some mild laxatives..don't know if that is being done...seems they are a help and in a way a nuissance...but I am stuck...can't quit work.

Self Sib...I still like my idea of mailing that same photo to each sibling in a Valentines day card from mom.....no words just simple....lol...that ought to get to them. She squeezed each one of them out of herself....I am sure they can SQUEEZE some time for her.....pun intended...LOL

Ted it sounds like you made your decision to keep her wirh you -but please try to relax for your self and see when you can get respite caare again. Making the house neat and comfortable will help a lot -I did that for myself when my husband was alive and it did help a lot-I am hoping this week is good for you and she may even appreciate you more when she comes home.

Wow. Thank you, Angie. That is very humbling, like a big star. I appreciate you words and thoughts. I'm glad to be helpful:)
Rosella, my prayers are with you and your Mom. We think we know what these things will bring, but we don't. Best if we don't speculate, but hang onto hope that she is in good hands--on earth, and from Heaven, and again, we pray. Big Hugs, Sister.
I don't know about you, (yes I do!!) but I am really missing Bobbie and Miz. Sigh. I can almost feel the undulating waves beneath me as I am sitting here, on this cyber BOAT. Taste the margaritas and crab and smell the salty air, hear the laughter of Bobbie, Miz and hubby. Can't wait to hear about the excursions and surprises.
I am so glad we have each other. Screw the selfish siblings. Sometimes, members of the same family are not found on the same tree. I like this tree. I'm putting down roots.
Pirate Queen, Deefer, Maxine--I didn't mention you this morning, and it bugged me all day. You are in my heart.
Love and hugs, christina

i am new to the caregiver dutys.my parents live with me and my mom has always cooked the family meals, but lately when she cooks she doesnt do very good.for instance,when she cooks meat she always undercooks it,mashed potatoes come out like thick soup.I believe its time to start taking over.i hate to couse i dont want them to feel like i dont think theyre capable.they can still do everything for themselves my mom's PA thinks she may have alzhiemers. who can i talk to about financial help and also about where i can learn to care for them in my home as time goes on? niether i nor my parents can afford a nursing home for them.

welcome livetoride .. wonder if the poa has been set up ? prob be the best way to talk to a lawyer and go from there ,
i wouldnt know cuz my bro is the poa , i m caregiver , take care of dad instead of nursing home ,
it is only the begining for u . i have been doing this for comin 3 yrs , he lives with me .

christina ! yes im right there with you on that dream ! margaritta plzzzz and we all go moon the other houseboats wooo ! ohh like bobbie said we all gotta have a reunion one day . it would be so great if dreams can come true . we re a new crew siblings a lota caring people like us .
love you all have a good night xoxoxox

welcome livetoride...this is a terrific group of caregivers....some having done it for years, others not quite so long but we all have things to offer you. We all (caregivers) tend to hang together and have each others backs, although we can and do give our own opinions. We are here for your questions, to listen when you need to vent, to lend a shoulder if you need to cry....oh heck we'll even join you in a pity party. We offer the occasional margarita, beer, rum and coke and have a pillow to offer when you need to use "pillow therapy". We look to our "captain" bobbie.....the wonderful caregiver who started this thread.....she offers a lot of most appreciated post-caregiver advice. Some of us have recently lost a parent and yet are still caring for one or more parents, grandparents, husbands.......so on that welcome it is time for me to get the col (crazy old lady, mil) up off the couch, change wet undies and into bed. Goodnight and I hope it is peaceful for all....Hugz!!!!

Jam, what a nice post Yes, that's what you will find here--family and friends, support and endless caring. We don't give up. Some days, a few of us are worn out, and the others who have more energy take the lead. We're like a battalion of soldiers; we're all willing to be on the front lines, and maybe we don't want to, but we've signed up, so that's it. Lots of encouragement and grounding by our fearless Captain Bobbie.
Have a good evening. Prayers sent up for all;)

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom this is beautiful.
For those of us who aren't, this is even more beautiful.
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long
way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard.
And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end
will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that
anything could be better than these years. So she played with her
children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and
bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them,
and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than
this." Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the
children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no
harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the
children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But
at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are
there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And
the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and
said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have
learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them
courage. Today, I have given them strength." And the next day
came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and
hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the
mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the
children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory,
and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the
Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my
children God."
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the
years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But
her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And
when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a
feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see
a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I
have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is
better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and
their children after them."
And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even
when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and
watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.
And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A
Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living
presence."
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as
you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your
freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when
you're not well.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in
every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home;
and she's the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on
earth can separate you... Not time, not space...not even death!
PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MOTHERS and CHILDREN YOU KNOW.
MAY WE NEVER TAKE OUR MOTHERS FOR GRANTED.

these are great posts and i totally agree with all of you...good luck livetoride...we are here for you...look around on the website read the stories...you will be amazed...god bless all of us and our families...