Follow
Share
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
I think it was good you got to see your friend before she passed...Glad you are home OK I think house faeries went union a while back and they are really hard to get now A lot of OSHA qualifiers and stuff...

I have seen that Gnomes are working again though but now they have that movie they will be in really high demand....
(1)
Report

LOL, J. You cracked me up about the house fairies and gnomes. Thanks for the giggle. :)

love,
miz
(2)
Report

Jen,
I certainly agree with your perspective about caring for our loved ones, and I read the article this morning. I had my Mother in what is called a "residential care home" in California. It is a house in a regular neighborhood, modified with roll in showers, a live-in caregiver couple, or male and female, typically Filipino. It's a "family atmosphere"--they have their own rooms, or 2 might share a room for a lesser cost. They eat breakfast together, then each one is taken to get showered, teeth brushed, and dressed, and then PLUNKED-- for the majority of any given day-- on the sofa or assorted recliners around a giant flat screen, which most of them think is a WINDOW, and whatever is on the tv, is really happening in the living room.
I was working full time when my Mother's husband passed in 08, and I could not continue driving 5 hours every Friday to her home. My brother--who lived in her town-- and my sister, who, "thinks I am the best person to do the job", agreed that I should bring her to OC.
I researched online, found a service to help me place her, and I trusted the owner. It was a beautiful home, but other than that, I didn't have any idea what to expect. This was a new frontier.
After about 3 months, the "house call doctor" put her on Seroquel a couple times a day and a sleeping pill. I didn't know the right question to ask at the time; Like, "so why are you putting my Mother on an anti-psychotic drug, and a sleeping pill, when she sleeps just fine, but wakes up to pee"?
Mother was the only resident not wearing "overnight disposable underwear", and the live-in caregivers were getting really tired of her calling them every couple of hours to pee. Oh, how I understand.
I became unemployed after Christmas of 09 and had more time to visit Mother.
Last summer, something started eating at me, and I was going over every day at one time or another, and what I was seeing was frustrating. Think of any one of us, day in and day out, taking care of our "charge", but times 6. OGMAFB!!!
The minimally trained caregivers, although devoted to the job, are human and have their breaking points. Show me one more compassionate person, acting like a phony Mother Teresa, and I will scream.
My husband and I were addressing the owners--lovely people, really, who housed her 90 something parents in their OWN HOME--and they would give us the run-around about how behaviors were being handled. Mother started falling out of bed at night, and had terrible bruises. No one knew anything. After 3 bad falls in 2 weeks, my generous husband suggested we bring her with us, as it had never entered my mind. Oh, you imbecile.
Fast forward: now, I have the perspective of seeing her in the home, and having her here. Dementia and Alzheimer's are, to me, unpredictable to the novice caregiver, and there seems to be NO STANDARD TREATMENT that is proven or effective.
I believe, having this perspective, it is the compassionate choice to FIRST have the parent with you in your or their home, whatever the arrangement. My husband and I have decided, that as soon as we are unable to PHYSICALLY care for my Mother, we will move her into a local home, run by a male RN, with a Masters in Geriatric Pharmacology, who believes in lessening drugs as the dementia progresses. Mother's current psychiatrist agrees with this approach, and he is in her corner 100%. We are committed to give Mother the very best of our love and care until she is totally out of it. How will I know that? Well, I'm going to trust God and listen to His prompting, the way I determine every decision in my life. I am not impulsive, and I tackle hard work. Both my husband and I will let it go a bit longer, just to make sure.
I have already ruined my shoulder, gained weight, never get a full night's sleep, and have lost most privacy in our home.
I agree that caregivers should not know the history of one's patient, so the care they give is unbiased.
I also believe that a person--whether in the womb, or 90 something demented years old, is as valid as you or I. This point I see as very telling. I will not get into ethics or tell you the values or beliefs of other family members; it is I doing the job.
Finally, I would like to say to JAM: YOU do not need to explain, justify, or defend anything you do with COL! Not to us, or anyone.
Let all who read this thread be informed and educated, heard and acknowledged.
Thanks for missing me SSK:) I appreciate it.
Linda, your hair sounds beautiful! If hubby likes it, whoo hoo!
Pirate Queen, have a balanced weekend:)
Miz: try the Lysol thing that Jam (or Maxine?) suggested. Yuck
It's a lousy virus, and it might come back once, but you will survive it:) Hubby has it again. going to Dr. Monday morning.
SS: I like the photo idea. If I did that with my brother, it would be the "deer in headlights" scenario. But, good luck. Hugs.
Peach: love and hugs, hope you feel better.
Deefer, miss your wisdom in the mornings.
Rosella, Rosella, Bella, you are the "Cat's Meow"
Headbanger, you make me laugh, love your rants.
Ted, you awesome man! I respect you and your finesse.
Cuz, faithful funnies, Bless YOU !
Truecolors, how's Mom, how's work? miss you:)
Newbies--this must be the place. Stay long enough to know that.
Let's come up with the "Golden Toothbrush Award." HMMM?
Maxine: hello? BonnieO, Dtflex:) xoxoxo
Bobbie: did you find the Butterscotch Square yet? It's a brown sugar texture, milk chocolate. You must be having fun and crying a lot over all the LOVE sent to you:))
The Love is lasting, but NOT the chocolate...
LOVE TO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS!!! christina
(4)
Report

Eight Beautiful Sentences

They are like Ten Commandments to follow in life all the time.

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout life.

2] Do you know why a car's windshield is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as your future. Look ahead and move on .

3] Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write .

4 ) All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last forever either.

5] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!

6] When God solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems He has faith in your abilities.

7] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

8] Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that God will.

FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER .
Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there!!!
'In God We Trust'
(3)
Report

BJ, Welcome to the thread & for trying to help us to solve a problem, so we wouldn't be so stressed out at added caregiving responsibilities! I think being a canine behaviourist would be interesting! My husband has a medical service dog that I helped to train. Love to see what they're capible of! She still amazes us at what she can do!

Miz, so glad that you got home OK! Are you feeling any better? I hope so! Doc visit in your near future?? Bet the kitties were glad to see you or are they snubbing you for leaving them? Gracie can be so moody sometimes, but she's a cat & good at it! OH, did Illinois win?

Jen, I still say you need to be a writer! You have such a way with words! You & Rip, both!

Jam, I'm sorry that your mil is giving you such a hard time! Is there any way you can go away for a couple of days?

gonna get ready for bed & hoping all of you guys will rest well!
Rossella, don't work too hard, tonight! OK?

hugs to all,
peach
(3)
Report

Subject: $2.99 special

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake..
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!


































Hummmmmm! How True.
(2)
Report

B L UE BIRD OF HAPPINESS, MY ASS!


It's Friggin' Freezing. There's snow up my ass, all the food's covered with

3 feet of this white shit, and you want ME to sing?
(2)
Report

Adult Riddles ~

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The Grip

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!


OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody.

Live well, laugh hard, & love dearly !!!!
(2)
Report

Peach, I keep forgetting to answer you.....YES hubby and I are going to Harrah's in KC for 2 nights next week. Just lay around, gamble a little, eat a lot, sleep, be lazy and not worry about the col.....the last two times we have tried this we've had to cancel due to the snow.
(5)
Report

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?' Mabel answered,
'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know
where to find my hearing aid.'
________________________________

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned
and complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea,
not gonorrhea.' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of
course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for
posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he
always was.'

________________________________


An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up
and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the
promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three
weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It
read: 'Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the
bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.'
The old woman faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'

________________________________


A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when
they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a
faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again
carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the
husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

________________________________


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She
said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade
soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for
half the afternoon...
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a
gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me
until2:00 a.m.' I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'

________________________________


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend
glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
________________________________

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the
difference.
_______________________________

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10.
Oh hell, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
are.
(0)
Report

BOBBIE & CREW...

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY FOR THE THREAD!!! AWESOME!!!
(1)
Report

Jam, I'm glad that you guys are getting to go away & rest & do something different for a few days! I hope that you'll enjoy your trip!
(1)
Report

happy anniversary !!

430 am pa scream help me waa helppp , i drag my hindend up and go change him , ohh he s starvin to death , ok i ll fix u bfast , wheatie ceral warm up milk . hope he goes to sleep after he eats ,
turn this on , oh yep one year ago today this thread was born , :-) maragritta everybody !!! xoxox
(2)
Report

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, Bobbie and Everyone!! What an awesome thing!!

Linda, I wish I could have a margarita. Might help this throat of mine. I still feel like shit and I'm trying to decide if I should go to the doc in the box today or call my regular doc tomorrow. I woke up with a partial Ricola in my mouth this morning. Had gotten up at 2:30am to find the Ricola and take some pain reliever. Man oh man. Sorry I'm whining so much. Big baby when I'm sick.

K, gonna get something to eat. Ice cream sure sounds good, kinda. Bobbie, is there any left?? ;)

love,
miz
(3)
Report

Jam- Sounds like you had a heck of a day back there. Yikes! Stay away from the hole you want to crawl in, small or large. But I do recommned a good cry. I found I actually like to cry now because somewhere down the road I do feel better. My dad is the same way. As long as you agree with him, he's ok. But cross that line, empty the trash when he's not ready, throw away something in the refreigerator that's smelly and bad, but he thinks is good cause he can't smell anymore and there's hell to pay. It has gotten better I must say, but their lease is up in a few months and I need to move them again which means he will revert for sure.

Bobbie - your package sounds fantabulous!!! How fun!

Miz - feel better soon -- how was the soup??

Christina - your story I'm sure was helpful to all those trying to make that decision of where to place your parent/loved one. I guess the only thing I can offer is to do the research. Every place is different, different rules and care concepts, states have different rules etc...I researched every place in my area before moving my parents to live nearby because my sibling next to them said they would not help them if them stayed in town and their house was falling apart around them, smelled like urine, filthy bacause they had basically given up, addictive behaviors, both starting to fall on a regualr basis, etc... What I found was they were not quite assisted living level, yet. They are now, 1.5 yrs later but we don't have the money. Anyway, we all have different stories and so glad we can share them cause you never know what info can help someone else.

Peace out,

-SS
(3)
Report

miz sounds like you need a rapid strep test done.....throat sore for too long. Chloroseptic spray will help to numb it. Hubby going on antibiotics and inhaler today.....could only have picked up this little bacteria when he went to grocery store for his mother last week. been too long since he was in er for someone to have coughed in his face. I keep waterless hand cleaner around this place everywhere and my hands are constantly in it...keep a bottle in my purse so when I am in the stores I can wipe my hands off if I touch something. I like that Wal-Mart keeps wipes for the carts....the local Price Chopper needs to do that also. Might have to suggest that.

Happy Anniversary to All........and I thank Bobbie and her momma for starting this thread......you all, every single one of you, have saved my sanity several times over....I am pleased to know each and everyone of you and consider you as friends.

I hope you each have a wonderful, peaceful day filled with love and sunshine.....Hugz!!!!!
(2)
Report

I just went back and was reading early posts. Wow, we really got into this deep and fast. Very good times and support for Bobbie when she had to place her mom for a couple of months to take care of business and save her own life. What a difference a year makes. This thread is still saving wonderful people's sanity and providing friendship and dreams and so much we have in common. And venting!! Truly awesome.

Jam, I think you are right. I don't have a fever which is good but somewhat puzzling. My throat is just sore on the left side now. Could it be a sore or cancer or something? I'm scaring myself. I can't see me going to work tomorrow. Would not be good for me or my co-workers or the public. Hubby is out getting groceries and such. God love him. :) Told me to rest today. He will do the laundry, clean the house, etc. Wow, I am fortunate. He's getting me more Ricola. Pirate, you're a genius. Thanks for the advice.

K, best go lay down. Illinois won their last game and they play at noon today. Peachie, I hope you're feeling better. Would love to hear from you.

Love yous!!

love,
miz demi ----------------in honor of the one year anniversary.
(2)
Report

HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY CREW!!!!!!!

Everyone of you is a lifesaver, but a special thank you to Bobbie for starting this thread. I don't post often, but I try to keep up with everyone. I couldn't continue the task of caregiving with out you all. Thank you!
(2)
Report

MIz, My virus thing started the same way in January. Left side SO SORE I wanted to die. Dr. gave me Cipro and a Lidocaine gargle! Didn't do the gargle cause the pharmacist raised his eyebrows and told me how awful it was. YIKES! Did a sea salt in hot water gargle instead, or straight lemon juice. I'll bet vinegar would do the trick, too. Equal vinegar and peroxide--serious. Just don't swallow it!!! Please try it, Miz baby:(. You may (will) also get the raging mucus, but get Mucinex and something for the congestion, and lotsa Kleenex. Lots of water, green tea. I'm thinking of you. Hope you will go back to the boat when you are really up to it.
A very Happy Anniversary to Bobbie and Crew. Thanks for letting me be part of it. Hey, this could be the day of the 10,000th post, too! Wow. Life on the Boat is AWESOME!
Love to all, christina
(2)
Report

Nice to see ya, dtflex. :) Christina, thank you. I haven't done the gargle thing yet. Got the raging mucus but it's dry most of the time. Sometimes a little blood. Ack ack ack!! How long did yours last? I can't take much more of this. Sucks. I do green tea all the time. Probably hot green tea would be better. Don't know. K, back to laying down.

love,
miz
(1)
Report

Please pray for me today....I'm going to kill her.....bring me a pillow.
(1)
Report

Jam, that is how I felt last night. She spent the day with her son so I could have a day off. Have no idea what happened while she was there but she was out of control by the time she got back. So, really didn't feel like I had any time off. She went into the bathroom, opened the Milk of magnesia, the fingernail polish remover and some bath powder. That mess was everywhere and when I said she had to get out of the bathroom , it was ON. I finally found her dirty diaper under the sink!! She has been going to the bathroom on her own for a couple of weeks now, so didn't think too much about it. It won't happen again. And yes you are in my prayers. as much as I wanted to say and do alot of things I didn't because it is not worth the consequences... but I may change my mind about that before it is all over with.!!!!!!!
(0)
Report

How many do you need? LOL :)
(0)
Report

Just one pillow please......regular size will do....press hard enough and no one will hear the screams.
She tried to make hubby see how mean and nasty I am and he told her no, he agreed with everything I said to her.....she was so darn mad she was shaking. She's just going to call her granddaughters to come and get her and take her back to Independence. I warned them.....their plan is to stay away for a while longer. They don't call or visit with her....they really are both wonderful, loving girls but they have their own lives....both are doctors with families. The col asked me what I planned to do with her house after she is gone since I DO NOTHING around there now. I just looked at her and said "burn it down". She let us both know how capable she is of doing everything on her own, so hubby says that's it, I will take her meds down tonight, but will do nothing else for her. In a couple of days when there is doggie pee everywhere and her wet undies are rotting off of her again, we will have social services pay her a visit and have her doctor put her back in the behavioral unit for her yearly attitude adjustment. She can't drive me to drink.....already there.....can't drive me to drugs.....already there.....something green perhaps? :)
(2)
Report

oh jam , i am so sorry ure dealin with col . damn it all ! nightmare on elm street just has begun .
neighbopr called wanted to know ifi wanted go for a walk with her and her yorkie i said yes !! she came and we slurp a can of beer before starting our walk and walked around a block which is prob 45 mins walk , ohhit was so nice ! got back home and slurp another can of beer , she left to go home to cook up dinner , blah whats for dinner ? oh yes pot of chilli i made yesterday , :-) hubby stayed home so he could hear for pa , but pa slept the whole time and n fact he is still sleeping . oh pa im sorry u sleep so much , im just afraid im going to find him not breathing one day . tmr im takin him out and about so he can stay awake and be alert . i had to give him xannie earlier cuz he be screamin oh somebody help me plzzzz over and over . took him to bathroom to give him a good scrubin down figurin he feel better . but his yelling just wouldnt calm down . so had to give him something to calm him down . hate to do that but it needed to be done .
ok i need to go warm up chilli and go take my dog for a walk . would have taken her but she s a big dog and my neighbor s dog is tiney one they have never been around eachother and dont wanna take the chances ,.
you all have a happy sunday , try to atleast . xoxox
(1)
Report

jam ! something green perhaps ! its over here !! come on over !!! :-)
(1)
Report

Jam, I think your husband has a good idea. Maybe she needs to be in an alz unit. I hate to say it but maybe she does. Not you or any other human being can deal with this. It's going too far. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. So sorry.

love,
miz
(1)
Report

Jam, it's BJ, I changed my username to still standing cause last night I only got two hours of sleep and I'm still standing, LOL.. Sorry you're having such a time, :(
Next time you and your neighbor walk , take both of the babies. Introduce them briefly and just walk.. Unless the bigger one shows signs of dog agression, all of you should enjoy the walk!
(0)
Report

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!
I can't tell you all just how important this thread has been to me, the support, advice and friendships I've found here have been the saving grace for me when I needed it most and had No one else to turn to. Give yourselves a BIG hug from with my love and thanks.

Christina, That was a wonderful post you just wrote. I've had a hard time finding the strength to continue with caring for mom here in my home, but I am just now beginning to find some ways to accept the situation for what it is and make peace with it so that I can continue to keep her here at home for as long as humanly possible, your post reaffirmed my thoughts, thank you.

Bobbie, ALWAYS enjoy your box!

Mom comes home from respite care tomorrow, and i still have some things i want to do around here but the weather is supposed to be much warmer this week, so it looks like we made it through another tough winter, almost.

Boat!
(4)
Report

thank you all for your sympathy....:) love you all, wouldn't know what to do without you. Took meds down to col, she took them and said thank you and that was that. Hubby went also to run interference....she sounded pretty quiet, we will see how she likes taking care of herself since I don't do anything. She has sat on the couch in the position we left her all day and pouted....about 6 hr. Well, pout on is all I can say. I am going to reschedule her hearing aid check from Tuesday to later in the week....if she happens to remember it she is getting told she had better figure out something since I don't do anything for her. She told us today she would just call Amoco to come start her car and drive herself to Independence. Explained no insurance, no Amoco anymore, and she doesn't know where she is. So she decided she would just hitchhike.......spare me!
Hasn't changed her undies all day, ought to be pretty wet by now...ewwwwwww!

Woohoo Linda......be right there.....we're gonna partayyyyyyy!!!!

BJ, I understand that 2 hours of sleep, that was normal for me when I was still working when I was on shift. During my 4-day, with only 1 day off in between it was a bear to not sleep....makes one an unhappy camper.

miz I hope you are feeling a little better, but I really think you need to see your doc tomorrow. Hubby said tonight that if col doesn't straighten up, he will have her doctor place her in a nursing home for 30 days and see how she likes that. She's under the impression she can take all of her belongings, including the dog, come and go, eat when she wants, do whatever she wants...it would wake her up and make her a little more appreciative of what she does have here.

Peaceful night to all of you........Hugz !!!!!
(3)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter