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Jam, she'll be getting some nasty diaper rash. That shit hurts. Talkin' about no sleep, I got so little sleep the night before we left Orlando that getting on the plane I swear I went to sleep standing two or three times. I'd be waiting for the line to move ahead and close my eyes and by the time I opened them the line had moved right on down the plane aisle. Wow.
The col will be over her little tantrum tomorrow....she won't remember until she goes to put mascara on then she will ask. And I will tell her again she is not getting it back. I would never let her go to the extent she would be harmed....don't want any more decubs to heal, but she has got to get out of this mindset that she is 20 yrs old, and capable of doing anything. She is normally a very sweet person, asks constantly if she can treat us to a nice dinner somewhere, tells us both that all she has will be ours someday, etc. But tell her no or try to give her suggestions on something she thinks is okay and she goes berserk. Just tired I guess.....but I will get better so I can deal with her......
Going to try and get some sleep tonight... Have to take my father to the hospital at 5:00 a.m. for an outpatient procedure. Meet up with some clients until noon and pick him up, ugh! Bless his little heart, he went and bought mother a beautiful card and one single red rose... He looked at me and said, "Didn't think we were so much in love aftrer all these years did you?" They will be celebrating 63 years in October! Wish I had someone that loved me that much. Don't even date anymore. :(
I wanted to use the window therapy with my mother tonight. I was doing the cooking and every 3 minutes she called me to ask me to shut the window. I said the window was already shut, and after 3 minutes she called me again. After 50 times I wanted to smash her head against the window! (this is the window therapy). But I did not. She is still alive. I think for you the situation is worse because that is your MIL and you don't think you can use the same authority I use with my mother. Sometimes with my mother I just stop discussions and I "force" her to do things. (My mother always says "no" to everything). tonight I had to practically drag her to bed because she did not want to go. And she can't sleep on the chair because she has problems with her circulation. I am afraid they have gotten to the point where you can't expect any kind of rational reaction from them. When I force her to do things she hates me and she tells me she wants to leave, to go everywhere else, with anyone else. The strategy of taking her to a NH for a week to make her understand the difference would not work for her. She forgets everything two minutes later. It would just be a stress for her. I am sorry to say that I have to take advantage of the fact that I am stronger than her to carry her to the bathroom, to bed, to wherever she does not want to go. I usually do it when 10 minutes of explanations and negotiations have led nowhere. As your husband is home now, you might ask him to intervene when the situation gets bad... I know all of this seems terrible, but there is no other way to do have results, I fear. After a discussion with my mother, when she is all warm in her bed, she has forgotten everything and she sleeps, because in fact this is what she wanted. (the same thing applies to when she does not want to be washed; when she is clean and dry she is always happy) Have we already said this is a very nasty disease?
I agree keep a very close eye on any carer coming into the home or the nursing home choosen...Elder abuse happens out side the family too. But at least there are state rules for dealing with it and it wouldn't be hidden. I still think strangers doing job caring for aging person is preferable (for me) than old pervert bastard in the house simply becasue he is "Family"...I have heard that one enough times from Cab Drivers: "That's the way it should be family takes care of family." to be ready to say Shut the hell up! to the next asshole who says it. Luckily, mom quit her job and takes all fart pants shipping issues on herself...It also ends the stupidly embarrassing determination of Pro Military people from trying to Thank my grandfather for his "valuable service" to our country in World War Two... Yes, where he courageously drove Army Generals around......state side...All the War Heroes in my family are dead... I dream of funerals now....
Hope everyone is doing OK Hope miz is feeling better, Peace to those under the yoke of it, loving it hating it or in between. Take Care!
Happy Valentines Day, and to those of us who find ourselves lonely , my wish is that we all meet the love we want this year. Taking care of someone else, and denying our own happiness will be over soon, and we will find that special someone who is just right for us. And to those who are happy , good for you, seriously.
Happy Anniversary yesterday to the Crew and I am sorry that I wasn't here and I'll tell you what I learned: Never, under any circumstances, eat a KFC 3 piece meal (2 titties and a drumstick) with 2 sides of cole slaw, half a box of See's Candy and then drink a big Metamucil. Just don't do it. Miz! I'm sorry that you thought I had caught your virus but I didn't. I'm mostly fine now but I am telling you, I couldn't stand up straight and my insides were on strike. I couldn't concentrate or get comfortable and all I could do is drink warm tea and moan. Yesterday being Sunday there was no official work in the yard and a few people knocked on my boat, but I couldn't get up to see who it was. It could have been Publishers Clearing House with a big check for all I know.
Today is Valentine's Day when we used to put those little cards everywhere and .. wait a minute. The Cat wants to play fetch.... ok, those little cards.... The cynical side of me sees the industry that Hallmark and their ilk have created and the soft side of me knows how good it felt to get the cards that you guys sent in the BOX, so Happy Valentine's Day and I wish that we could all go to a beach and get sand in our Schlitz.
I am wearing the sweatshirt that Miz and Peach sent. The one labeled Captain. I am afraid to wear it in the yard because that leaves me open to any swinging pecker to say to me: Captain, eh? So what's the difference between the stand on vessel and the give way vessel? Name the points of sail! How many points in the compass? 360? No... that's degrees, idiot. (32 points in the compass) ummm, I think. going to wear it anyway and take my chances
Happy Valentine's Day That's a great wish ssk and I hope also that we find someone to be in our lives that is low maintenance, fun to be around and has their own cash.
Thank you thank you all again for the BOX and also thank you all for the beautiful messages for the Thread's anniversary. I knew when I started it that I wasn't alone and I couldn't understand why no one had addressed the obvious: This is gross and hard to do and wtf!
Jam!! all this time I thought pillow therapy was you holding the pillow against YOUR face so no one could hear you scream!!! Ahhhhh i get it now........ Jam, baby, all I can tell you is that whatever they say doesn't matter. My mom said the worst shit in the world to me and even tried to run into traffic one day to show me 'I can do what I want!' Like i said earlier, if they're wearing diapers, they ain't going to change them too. Just is, so even though I know that you are going insane with this lady you have to know that whatever comes out of her mouth has nothing to do with the quality of care she needs. Believe me, I know. It's hard and may be too hard for you to deal with. Instead of the psych ward, maybe it's time to look into a full on memory care unit....... before YOU wind up in the psych ward.
BTW, that was an awesome post on professional care, Jen!
As most of you know, I am an advocate of professional care and I also know how hard it is to find the right place. I did use 'A Place for Mom' in the beginning but ended up finding my own answer for the respite care in LA. The research is hard work, especially piled on top of full time caregiving, but it is worth it in the end and the truth of the matter is this: We can't do it. The stigma of 'putting mom away' in this country is bullshit. It comes from idiots who have no earthly idea what this burden really means. If I had popped in the mouth every piece of shit that said to me: ohhhh she took care of you when you were little, or family takes care of family, I would have permanently busted knuckles. I was already doing serious hard time with the caregiving.
OK, today they put the bottom paint on and tomorrow we are back in the water. i miss the movement of the boat under me and prefer the rocking until the rocking gets so bad that the coffee is sloshing out of the cup.
have a great Valentine's Day y'all and try to keep your sanity in the midst of the insane.
Good Morning Everyone. Happy Valentine's Day!! sskape, I hear ya, sweetie. I remember so many Valentine's Days and such that I was alone. Sucks big time!! You will find someone. If I found someone to put up with me then you will have no problem. ;). Not looking forward to Mother's Day this year. I'm not a mother but I always had a mother. I guess I will just do something to honor her that day. We're going to have Mom and Dad's burial around that time. Does it ever end?? Sorry, I still feel like shit. Have a call into the doc. They are going to try to squeeze me in. I need something. Called off work. Hubby's working today delivering for a balloon place. I'm so glad I did not give this to our captain. I would not wish this on anybody. Well, wait a minute...let me think... LOL!! Gonna go lay down again. Pop a couple Ricola's. Love and hugs to you all.
Well, at least the next holiday requires drinking green beer! And eating corned beef and cabbage. I guess that's not your thing, miz. hope I didn't make you more sick! bobbie, glad your back in commission. lov, ssk
sskape, love cooked cabbage!! :) Not right now though. Used to drink lots of beer but never did the green beer thing...even in college. Not my color. ;)
Good Morning, All. HVD, I wish that for you SSK, and you will be found when you least expect it;) Yes, Jam, no matter what you want her to do, she is sick and gone. Maybe her son needs to deal with her and take responsibility for placing her somewhere. Maybe I missed that part of the story, why you do everything? Reminds me of dinner last night: roasted a pork shoulder for Carnitas. Made pico de gallo, heated corn and flour tortillas separately, made a fantastic salad, reminded the caregiver she needed to "wrap it up, it's almost 6pm"; hubby said he would set the table, d's bf's 3 yr old wants a hot dog, OK no problema. go get some at 7/1, please, you fix em. I have to write check to caregiver. These are things that need to be put on table. CG is pouting because I told her she is inconsistent and just please take care of Mother when she is here, no more housework, and please find somewhere else to live between Sunday night and Friday morning. I'll give you a break after breakfast, at 1, and at 5; same pay. Mother thinks she is a man, anyway, and we go through the lovesick bs when nympho Mother hits on her, and CG gets depressed. I have no time to be depressed, although I have in my lifetime been very depressed. I come downstairs, sit down, my eyes are blurry now, because have I really had a break this weekend. I make one carnitas for me and I notice all the tortillas are gone. Where are the flour tortillas? We ate them all. No, impossible. I get up, go into the kitchen, find my glass of wine that no one could think of bringing for me, and the flour tortillas that my husband prefers. They ate all the corn tortillas, not knowing the difference. So why do I think of everything they want if they don't? I "speak up" to them, which I am infamous for--can you imagine?--and say, "I really need you all to ASK ME what you can do to help get dinner on table ON SUNDAYS WHEN I AM SCRAMBLING TO DEAL WITH MOTHER, etc...." Silence. Well, they went to Disneyland yesterday, so I should understand why they are all so tired. Oh, yes, I understand. Talk about a bunch of deer in headlights. Just wait, if one day I appear drooling and wearing a pair of overnight disposable underwear over my jeans...I threaten, but I won't. The progressing craziness of my Mother and the seeming helplessness of my family members contrasts with how I see myself in my all-encompassing efficiency, and it just makes me stronger. I have to be, don't I? Except HERE, where I can Vent, and Gripe, and let you all see my weaknesses and imperfections. Thank God, Thank Bobbie. I know I have it better then many: my Mother cannot go to the bathroom by herself and make a mess, but she wants to go about 3 times an hours during the day; if she is not over-sedated at night, she wants to get up every 2 hours throughout the night. But, she is not consistent with how she reacts to her consistent meds, so every night is different. We put ODU on her, but she still feels the urge to get up, make a big effin deal out of every time she has to go to the bathroom. Oh, my gosh, Oh, I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, it's coming, oh, I think it's almost finished. Oh, thank you". No, Thank YOU, Mother. She cannot remove or put on her ODU, or her clothes, or feed herself, or feed the cat, or sit by herself for even 5 minutes without having a fit. Now, she is going through the "poor me" and jumping up and wandering from about 2 pm until 5 pm, when she miraculously changes back to stable. She is saying words in no particular order starting around 6 pm, and we go into "have to catch the cat" mode around 8 pm, so we can get her to bed without a scene from "Poltergeist." We are going with the flow, however, and shaking our heads a lot and saying, "can you believe it"?, and sighing, and saying nothing. Another day is done. It is sad and exhausting, but I continue to read and educate myself and the caregivers about what to expect and how to handle things. The more info you have, and the more you understand, the easier it is to "accept" and deal with it for what it is: an individual slowly leaving the planet, brain cell by brain cell. Have a good day, everyone. Love you all. christina
good morning and happy valentine .. hope today treats you all with love and easy day . pa is leanin more an dmore to the left . stll whiney . i turned on hee haw i recorded for him last night so he s watching it now . still leanin . am going to tak ehim in today for chest xray , going to wait for my daughter to come and help me when she gets off work , when he s leanin i need 2 more strong arms . my sis is not strong and is not able to help lift him , she tries but its hard on her . if im begin careful with my back and can fel it like it wants to twist on me , ahh 2 more strong arms plz ... he couldnt stand up to get off the wheelchair and slide over to the toilet , after 3 tries he has the grab bar in front of him he s hangin on to it but his legs just dont want to stand . told him one more time if not im putting u back in bed , well he finaly did it with bended knee , not stand tall straight , mumble and whine , ohh pa u dont feel good . :-( breaking my heart to see him like that . he ate well , all his fav bfast so that is good he still eats . maybe tmr i ll get him in to see his doc . great drag him out again . figure it do him good to get out but then again its not doin me good to haul him around . tears my body up . :-( bobbie- glad to hear ure better now . man what a hellva meal u had lol along with that yummie drink ! barf ! thought u drink that stuff in the mornings ? not lunch or dinner . glad ure better today . yes go flash ur sweat shirt around let them folks out there look up at ya :-) have tons of pa s laundry to do , hs clothes , blankets sheets , bathroom rugs , need wash em and put em away , dad s draggin his feet and those rugs rolls . got fussy with it all week i finaly grab em last night and tossed it over to the side . screw it , dont wanna make us fall ! ok gotta go zoomin around , xoxoxo ps . about the rash they get , oh well ! ya tell em com eon let sgo bathroom , they fight nooooo im not wet ! cant argue with em or it be a battle and everybody gets upset , screw it . he sit in em till he cant stand it anymore . i have this cream i put on him and he rarely gets any rash :-) love that stuff ,calmoseptine , cream . get em behind pahrmacy , its the best ! bad rash , put cream on it , next day rash is 4 times smaller ! wonderful stuff . expesnive but well worth it . bye u all !! gotta zoom zoom , xoxo
When I first started taking care of Mom she got a rash a couple of times. I got her I think it was Desitin. That worked really well. It's the stuff for babies. Same principal I guess.
Going to the doc at 1:30 pm Central Time. So glad he got me in.
Christina....hubby doesn't interfere with certain tasks like changing wet undies and/or bathing...he says that's a woman to woman thing. When she gets really out of hand he will step in. I went down this morning to see that she was changed.....told me she changed undies and I asked if she had new pad.....no she pulled the old one out and put it in the new undies.....took her to bathroom....no we haven't changed since yesterday and the old pad was smeared with poop. Hubby went down this morning at 1 am and put her in bed, so I know she went to bed wet. She's clean now and didn't give me one ounce of mouth when I told her I would be back later to bathe her for her hearing appt tomorrow. Let me gather up trash without a peep and even stood there while I cleaned up doggie pee.....thank goodness I put squares of linoleum under the table legs, they were almost overflowing. Waiting for my hairstylist to call me back...can't imagine they would be closed today....desperate for color and cut....that would make me feel better. Need to call accountant and get taxes done....going to be a nightmare with all the lump sum retirement payments I received last yr. Everything here is quiet for right now.......I hope it stays that way!
Jam, I'm so glad things are at least a little better today. Some hair people don't work Mondays. Mom's hair guy didn't. My nail person doesn't. Hopefully, yours does. Yes, it would make you feel better. I hear ya about the taxes. Me and hubby's are done but I gotta get Mom's done for the last time. I have almost everything to take to her accountant. I think I just need one more thing. I'm waiting to go see the doc. My temp is up a bit.
miz, check back in after doctor appt......I'm taking bets on strep...I feel for you, this has been going on too long....10 day round of antibiotics will probably do the trick. Normally my salon is open on Mondays......no call yet so I might try one more time. It's not like I'm doing anything else that makes it hard to schedule appt....:) Think I will go scrapbook and do laundry....hubby sleeping, dogs sleeping, col reading her papers, I'm escaping for a bit....Hugz!!!!!!
I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm so angry and upset I think it is time to move out of grandma's house and have my own life again. I am so filled with anger and disgust I feel like I am completely filled with poison. Please don't read this venting if you are easily offended by elder sarcasm. Freddy Crugar is in the building.
So what happened? Sit by my chair for a few and I'll tell you. Gather round and listen to Nightmare On Elm Street...
The Old One, (I can't even think of her as my grandma right now so for the duration of THIS post she will be referred to as The Old One) has been calling my mother back into the room each night after she is put into bed and asking her who is getting her out of bed the next morning. When my mother, (henceforth called STAN in this post because I'm so pissed at her I could shank her) says "why headbanger is going to get you up tomorrow cause I work" (translation: HB is getting you up cause I'm running like hell to go and speak to people who don't repeat themselves and have never made shew, shew, gurgling, moaning, chumming noises in their lifetime. I had enough of you yesterday so I am getting away from you today) so The Old One says..."HB leaves me in bed for a day and a half, I want you to get me out of bed". As in I don't get her out of bed at all and leave her in there suffering. Ok...screw you old woman. I gave up my house and moved halfway across the country so you could die in your own home and this is what I get. I came here when Stan was going to throw in the towel and put you in a nursing home and you now are talking smack behind my back! Believe it, you would be sitting right now in your hospital bed or wheelchair waiting for Brunhilda to give out meds to 25 other residents before you'd get someone to hand you another tissue or take you to the bathroom for the 10th time in 8 hours. You'd be riding high on that Foley catheter for sure!
The Old One has been saying this for about a month now regularly. Stan and I keep a journal where we record every shew, moan, blood pressure, bowel movement, fart, pill, and every other thing she does which includes the time we put on her Nitro patch and get her demented carcass up out of bed. So Stan is aware of what time I get her up on my days. Sometimes it is 8:30am, sometimes it is 10:30am. The Old One sometimes doesn't get up before 11:30am. This has also happened to Stan so she knows that it DOES occur. OMFG really? Sometimes I hit the lotto and the nurse aid comes before The Old One requests her morning servicing and breakfast. Then I don't have to get her up. That happens maybe once a week, twice if lightning can strike me twice.
So this morning, I go upstairs at 7:30am to get the baby monitor (old person hear every breath and dribble, drive you up the wall device) so that Stan can go to work. (Mind you my husband Valentine is still in the bed zzzzzzzzzz'ing cause the darling took the day off to be with me.) and Stan says to me..."Old One called me back into the room last night to tell me that you leave her in the bed for a day and a half and wants me to get her up in the mornings". I was kind and said to her....I WISH I could leave her in the bed for a day and a half but no...I'll give her a heating pad if she moans before 9am, then I will get her up the next time she moans, farts, shews, gurgles, burps, cries, or calls. It is permissible to brush your teeth and put your own clothes on BEFORE you have to dress Elizabeth Taylor right?
Today, The Old One starts braying like a freaking sheep at 8:15am so I go upstairs, lovingly give her her heating pad and explain that I am warming up the house, the nurse assistant hasn't called about her bath yet, and that I will get dressed and come up to get her out of bed when the house is warm. The heat bag soothes her and she will often sleep for another hour on her own. The Old One is fine with this, she thanks me and snores.
I walked out of her bedroom and Stan says to me, so...are you going to let her wait until the nurse assistant gets here? Maybe this is why she thinks that you leave her in bed for a day and a half. Maybe she really feels like she is not a priority. ALRIGHTY THEN! Let's dance Stan...It's ON! All of my anger has just rolled out but I haven't expressed it to Stan. I just hate rocking the boat if you can believe that. I moved halfway across the country to live in a basement so that you can tell me that my priorities aren't in order? Screw you too STAN.
I wake up everyday and just hope I can hang on till she goes. I do love The Old One (and Stan too) and wanted her parting gift to be able to pass in her own home. I don't think I'm going to survive. Her brain has left the cranium and all that is left are these crusty organs inside a shell that looks like grandma and needs to be gotten out of bed, taken to the bathroom, cleaned up and fed everyday. Now she is starting to get pissy with my caregiving and I'm over it. I have cried all day. This is what my husband took the day off to see? He is such a sweet soul.
Stan didn't want to retire right away so that she could squirrel a bit more SS $$'s away and keep her health insurance till her Medicare kicked in, all the while I'm not contributing to mine cause I watch the old one so STAN CAN WORK. We thought that The Old One was going to pass from her heart condition and frequent mini-strokes because she was so weak and fragile (riiiiiight). I certainly thought that having her in Hospice means that the end is near so I stupidly ran to mother's side, excuse me...STAN's side to help her. Flash forward reality check and 2 years later.
I know dementia patients make up stories that don't necessarily describe their reality. In my head I know this is true. This board is covered with posts that cover paranoya and the distorted reality that dementia and alzheimer's causes. It doesn't help me right now to know that information. STAN is also choosing to act on the old one's bullshit and THAT is what is stinging me the most. Is Stan losing her marbles too? She can't believe her mother can be manipulative. Wake up and smell the coffee Stan.
Stan has lost her marbles. Yesterday, while she banged her own head on the table and wished for her own freedom she fed the Old One pea soup and a half pound of hershey's kisses. How do you think my day is going? Seriously what rational person feeds this to an elderly woman. I'll tell you who....someone who KNOWS they aren't on duty the next day, that's who. I feel totally betrayed AND I'm covered from hand to elbow in recycled Hershey's kisses. There aren't plastic gloves long enough to save me from that crack. I can't speak to The Old One today, it is enough of a strain just to be gentle and make The Old One think that it is perfectly OK with me that she can no longer wipe her own arse and I am absolutely delighted be summoned to provide service whenever the urge takes her. No sense in making her feel bad about herself right?
Stan told me she wants her mother to die in the same room that her father did peacefully in her sleep. I told her...isn't that a sweet picture? That doesn't happen to everyone, for the others....this is what curbs and buses are for. If Stan keeps feeding the old one pea soup and chocolate kisses, I'm going to push STAN in front of a bus.
*DISCLAIMER: No elderly persons were injured during the composition of this post. Stan will probably live to a ripe old age as well. Lucky for all of us, we don't live on a bus route.*
Jam...You see I am so right there with you. Pillow therapy is right where I am at.
Miz: The sooner you get to the Dr. the better. I had strep and the doctor didn't treat me, 2 weeks later I couldn't walk. Strep throat doesn't go away. It frequently just moves along to another place in your body. In my case it was my joints and I had such pain for months after. Always better to go to Dr. first and ask questions later! I hope you get better soon.
Bobbie: You always make me feel better. I used to be a cracker-jack sailor in my day and love the water too. I once sailed my boat back to the pier and put it into the slip when the motor died on a daytrip with 2 inexperienced visitors on board. No one told me that it couldn't be done. When the other boaters on the pier found out they were astounded that I did that with 30 foot sailboat LOL. A woman should always be Captain. Men are such wussies. (no offense to any of the guys that are here)
Cuz: Keep them coming.
Christina: Thank you for letting me read your struggles too. I do love carnitas.
Love to you all. I'm going to band my head on something for a while.
Man, Headbanger, that sucks, and if there were a generation between motherandme, I would be in the next country, not county. Shame on those children of the demented that pass them on to the grandchildren. I have no tolerance for that bs. I'm sorry, but I would get the hell out of there and let them handle it, I don't get care what their problem is. Probably not wanting to do the job, do ya think? It's too hard for one person. Your husband, HB, is an ANGEL, for wanting to be there for you on the days he takes off. What a guy. Valentine. Jam, I get you, and know yours helps you. Mine only does the "Enforcer" stuff, too. I am not a dog person, that's why I have a cat, because it basically cleans up after itself, is way less offensive than any charge on this site, and is also easier to have a conversation with. Additionally, I understood from the beginning what you meant by "pillow therapy". Bobbie--you are so nice. Pure thoughts and everything. Miz--really, please have your husband help you to the doctor. You cannot let this wear down your immune system. It's awful. Linda, see you in a few on fb. Headbanger--bang your head, then band it.
HeadBanger!! Seriously funny post!! I know it's not funny but let me tell you, you can WRITE! Now it's Bus Therapy!! arrrarrrrraharhar!!!
Christine, I never really thought of myself as having 'pure' thoughts but i am a little slow on some things.... someone here on the thread said oh, pillow therapy is when you vent about smothering grandma and I'm all noooooo, it's just for you so no one hears you scream.... Ok, so I'm an idiot. Not the first time.
HB, I went through a lot of that and my mom died in own little bed but she wasn't really as bad as your grandma and i still thought I was going to lose my mind. I did call suicide hotline (no joke) in the first 18 months of caring for my mom because I couldn't see how in the world i was going to be able to live though this. That was when my mom was going through the talking smack phase and would tell anyone who would slow down how awful i was. I truly understand the betrayal aspects and feel free to tell STAN wtf the score is. Ya, you give up everything to be there and you get this. unacceptable and if you want to put STAN on the phone I'll be happy to straighten her out. As far as cleaning yourself up before Elizabeth Taylor (I really let out a hoot at that and scared the Cat) i learned that it's better if you leave them in bed to clean yourself up because once they are out of bed you are on poop duty 6 times an hour for remainder of the day. I think that we should institute the crap dance. The next time you get crap on you do some kind of wild dance and give ol Granny the wide eye. My mom was very sweet in the last year or so and ya, you don't know how long this goes on and it does go on and on and on. I was a full time caregiver for 5.5 years when I finally had to put my mom in respite care and I did forget about this but Miz reminded me, I was flying back and forth to handle my mom's business affairs and couldn't have her with me anyway because I couldn't do it all. And there's the crux: We can't do it all. We can't even do half of it! people here are learning that you can't even do it with 2 people!!
Linda.....! maybe Pa is leaning because he has to fart? (i'm sorry, but I remembered Cuz's joke about leaning........) give him a kiss for me!
more later, boat stuff. Miz! back from the doc yet??
Ya, back from the doc. Christina, hubby could not help me cause he's working today. Delivering balloons and stuff for a business here for Valentine's Day. When I got up this morning he said, "Happy Valentine's Day." and I said it back and then I made a mild crack and then he said it again and I looked in the living room and felt so bad cause there on the living room table was a red heart cake, a beautiful VERY sweet card with scratch off tickets inside and a new coffee mug with hearts on it. Wow!! I had gotten him nothing of course cause I been sick. Doc doesn't think it's strep cause no white spots. Gave me a script for Amoxicillin and said I should have called them from Florida. Why did I not think of that? Says I can work. I guess he doesn't really know what it is but if it's not viral the antibiotic should kick it. And, he told me to quit smoking. Says it makes a sore throat worse. Guess what I am doing right now. See Bobbie, I'm an idiot sometimes too. ;) BTW, I got hubby a card and a box of chocolates at the drug store while I was waiting for my script. I don't like being home alone. I don't think it used to bother me before Mom.
I gonna say a couple things about the nursing home thing and then go rest. I understand that sometimes it is the only way to go. Loved ones that are "killing" you, driving you insane, being mean to you, that you can't provide the care they need for and it goes on and on. In my case, I could not do it. One of my biggest fears was if my bro or sis came to town I would come home and find her in a nursing home. But, and this is a big BUT, my mom was only hateful to me a couple of times. Yes, it was a strain on my marriage, yes, she did drive me crazy, yes, I am in a financial mess, etc. etc. but it was the only way I personally could do it. I wanted her to get to stay in her own home. And, and this is a very big AND, nursing homes have got to get better. They have got to shape up. They have got to hire better people and pay them better. They have got to hire enough people to give the patients the care they need. My friend who just died was not given the physical therapy that she needed and lost the ability to walk. She was scared of at least one of the aids there and the staff knew and they did nothing. This can not happen!! Okay, I have said my piece for now. I better lay down. Them meds ain't working yet.
Headbanger, I know I should not have laughed for your story, but I laughed a lot. Sorry. It's the way you write that makes me laugh, of course, not the situation. If a person who does not know about our life read some of our posts, he would think that we are completely crazy. Maybe we are getting crazy. I agree with Bobbie, anyway, that Stan's behaviour is not the good one. If I were you, next time she feeds your GM poop-generating food, I would go to the place she works in, and I would leave the pooped diaper in a plastic bag on her desk (with a nice red ribbon around?), and I would go away. I bet she wouldn't do it anymore. When my brother took my mother out for lunch on Sunday, I told him: "Don't give her anything that makes her sick; no fried food, no wine, don't give her too much chocolate".--- and my mother "Mind your own business!" (speaking of gratitude....) (of course she is fed up with my healthy food) Ssk, I spent St Valentine's day smooching my cat. It is a very nice thought that one day I will find someone who will fall in love with my punctured soul, my vanishing brain, my increasing insanity! I dreamed last night i was making love with a nice boy. And in the dream, I thought "Goodness, I have not eradicated my hair!" Shoot, I can't even dream in my dreams! Reality, grossness, in my dreams, too!
Rossella, you always make me smile. I don't think that nice boy would have cared. I am watching the Criminal Minds about Raphael and his son. Remember that one?? I've seen it before more than once but I can watch those shows over and over and over...
BTW, I'm thinking the doc maybe didn't take this thing seriously enough?? Anyone else think that or am I just being paranoid??
HB, That was the best writing on this subjsct I've read yet! great stuff! Now I'm gonna put it out of my head completely because.....Mom's home. I picked her up today and was feeling good and strong and prepared for whatever but 5 minutes in the house and she's leaking onto my squeaky clean floors again. Okay, i 'm used to this, but i couldn't help but wonder if she was poopin her pants while she at the home? checked her laundry and I don't think so, . Our life has always included lot's of good ol' passive agressive fun but I sure hope she isn't up to what I think she is. Anyway, puttin it out of my mind. the only way I'll get through is a lot of selective reality on my part. so everyting is juuuust fine. About the NH vs. family care.... It's been a big dilemma for me lately but basically it comes to this for us; I will try my best to keep her home for as long as I can stand it (that's my choice, I'll chalk up the loss of MY life to martyrdom or stupidity or something) But the minute she no longer knows where she is anyway, and I've a feeling that will be soon, I'll turn her over to a home and walk away contented. The biggest difficulty I've faced so far has been my own resentment and feeling as though I was being used or taken for granted, or that I was trying to make up for some imaginary inadequacy. F*ck that sh*t. No more, I'm doing this because she's a sad, lonely, vulnerable woman and I'm all she's got. That's all. No more sorry for myself, and no more putting her as the priority either, we are in this together, and I'll make the best of my life despite her demands. I'll be taking full advantage of respite care and any other help I may find and I'll be allowing myself to enjoy whatever I can when I can. If ANYONE out there feel's they can do better or that I'm being selfish or negligent, (not you guys, of course) they are more than welcome to come pick 'er up, I'll throw in a fresh package of depends.
omg headbanger THANK YOU.......I laughed until I had tears running down my face.....you are just what I needed to get me out of my funk and to know someone else is thinking exactly like I do. Just remember if you have a pillow it's quieter than a bus. And not nearly as messy. miz...glad it's not strep....get those antibiotics going and you will start to feel better by tomorrow I bet.....but maybe you should take another day off to make sure. Hair appt on Wed, vet appt late Wed, taxes done March 1. And ear appt tomorrow....then 2 days away...yippee woohoo!!!!
Miz, was it the episode were Reid was kidnapped and drugged? It was a very strong one. I am translating now the last episodes of the 6th series and very soon we shall start the spin-off with Forest Whittaker. Can't get rid of serial killers! How's your throat? try to get some natural remedies and not too much chemical stuff! yes in the dream the boy did not care about the hair on my legs!
Why women should avoid girls' nights out after they are married...
The other night I was invited out for a night with 'the girls.' I told Roger that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
Quickly, realizing Roger would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = (MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 'Midnight' He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh shit', cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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I would never let her go to the extent she would be harmed....don't want any more decubs to heal, but she has got to get out of this mindset that she is 20 yrs old, and capable of doing anything. She is normally a very sweet person, asks constantly if she can treat us to a nice dinner somewhere, tells us both that all she has will be ours someday, etc. But tell her no or try to give her suggestions on something she thinks is okay and she goes berserk. Just tired I guess.....but I will get better so I can deal with her......
Bless his little heart, he went and bought mother a beautiful card and one single red rose... He looked at me and said, "Didn't think we were so much in love aftrer all these years did you?" They will be celebrating 63 years in October!
Wish I had someone that loved me that much. Don't even date anymore. :(
I wanted to use the window therapy with my mother tonight. I was doing the cooking and every 3 minutes she called me to ask me to shut the window. I said the window was already shut, and after 3 minutes she called me again. After 50 times I wanted to smash her head against the window! (this is the window therapy).
But I did not. She is still alive.
I think for you the situation is worse because that is your MIL and you don't think you can use the same authority I use with my mother.
Sometimes with my mother I just stop discussions and I "force" her to do things. (My mother always says "no" to everything). tonight I had to practically drag her to bed because she did not want to go. And she can't sleep on the chair because she has problems with her circulation.
I am afraid they have gotten to the point where you can't expect any kind of rational reaction from them. When I force her to do things she hates me and she tells me she wants to leave, to go everywhere else, with anyone else.
The strategy of taking her to a NH for a week to make her understand the difference would not work for her. She forgets everything two minutes later. It would just be a stress for her.
I am sorry to say that I have to take advantage of the fact that I am stronger than her to carry her to the bathroom, to bed, to wherever she does not want to go. I usually do it when 10 minutes of explanations and negotiations have led nowhere.
As your husband is home now, you might ask him to intervene when the situation gets bad...
I know all of this seems terrible, but there is no other way to do have results, I fear.
After a discussion with my mother, when she is all warm in her bed, she has forgotten everything and she sleeps, because in fact this is what she wanted. (the same thing applies to when she does not want to be washed; when she is clean and dry she is always happy)
Have we already said this is a very nasty disease?
I dream of funerals now....
Hope everyone is doing OK Hope miz is feeling better, Peace to those under the yoke of it, loving it hating it or in between. Take Care!
Happy Anniversary yesterday to the Crew and I am sorry that I wasn't here and I'll tell you what I learned:
Never, under any circumstances, eat a KFC 3 piece meal (2 titties and a drumstick) with 2 sides of cole slaw, half a box of See's Candy and then drink a big Metamucil. Just don't do it.
Miz! I'm sorry that you thought I had caught your virus but I didn't. I'm mostly fine now but I am telling you, I couldn't stand up straight and my insides were on strike. I couldn't concentrate or get comfortable and all I could do is drink warm tea and moan.
Yesterday being Sunday there was no official work in the yard and a few people knocked on my boat, but I couldn't get up to see who it was. It could have been Publishers Clearing House with a big check for all I know.
Today is Valentine's Day when we used to put those little cards everywhere and .. wait a minute. The Cat wants to play fetch.... ok, those little cards.... The cynical side of me sees the industry that Hallmark and their ilk have created and the soft side of me knows how good it felt to get the cards that you guys sent in the BOX, so Happy Valentine's Day and I wish that we could all go to a beach and get sand in our Schlitz.
I am wearing the sweatshirt that Miz and Peach sent. The one labeled Captain. I am afraid to wear it in the yard because that leaves me open to any swinging pecker to say to me:
Captain, eh? So what's the difference between the stand on vessel and the give way vessel?
Name the points of sail!
How many points in the compass? 360? No... that's degrees, idiot. (32 points in the compass) ummm, I think.
going to wear it anyway and take my chances
Happy Valentine's Day
That's a great wish ssk and I hope also that we find someone to be in our lives that is low maintenance, fun to be around and has their own cash.
Thank you thank you all again for the BOX and also thank you all for the beautiful messages for the Thread's anniversary.
I knew when I started it that I wasn't alone and I couldn't understand why no one had addressed the obvious:
This is gross and hard to do and wtf!
Jam!! all this time I thought pillow therapy was you holding the pillow against YOUR face so no one could hear you scream!!!
Ahhhhh i get it now........
Jam, baby, all I can tell you is that whatever they say doesn't matter. My mom said the worst shit in the world to me and even tried to run into traffic one day to show me 'I can do what I want!'
Like i said earlier, if they're wearing diapers, they ain't going to change them too. Just is, so even though I know that you are going insane with this lady you have to know that whatever comes out of her mouth has nothing to do with the quality of care she needs. Believe me, I know. It's hard and may be too hard for you to deal with. Instead of the psych ward, maybe it's time to look into a full on memory care unit....... before YOU wind up in the psych ward.
BTW, that was an awesome post on professional care, Jen!
As most of you know, I am an advocate of professional care and I also know how hard it is to find the right place.
I did use 'A Place for Mom' in the beginning but ended up finding my own answer for the respite care in LA.
The research is hard work, especially piled on top of full time caregiving, but it is worth it in the end and the truth of the matter is this:
We can't do it. The stigma of 'putting mom away' in this country is bullshit. It comes from idiots who have no earthly idea what this burden really means. If I had popped in the mouth every piece of shit that said to me: ohhhh she took care of you when you were little, or family takes care of family, I would have permanently busted knuckles. I was already doing serious hard time with the caregiving.
OK, today they put the bottom paint on and tomorrow we are back in the water. i miss the movement of the boat under me and prefer the rocking until the rocking gets so bad that the coffee is sloshing out of the cup.
have a great Valentine's Day y'all and try to keep your sanity in the midst of the insane.
Boat!!!
lovbob
love,
miz
lov, ssk
Yes, Jam, no matter what you want her to do, she is sick and gone. Maybe her son needs to deal with her and take responsibility for placing her somewhere. Maybe I missed that part of the story, why you do everything?
Reminds me of dinner last night: roasted a pork shoulder for Carnitas. Made pico de gallo, heated corn and flour tortillas separately, made a fantastic salad, reminded the caregiver she needed to "wrap it up, it's almost 6pm"; hubby said he would set the table, d's bf's 3 yr old wants a hot dog, OK no problema. go get some at 7/1, please, you fix em. I have to write check to caregiver. These are things that need to be put on table.
CG is pouting because I told her she is inconsistent and just please take care of Mother when she is here, no more housework, and please find somewhere else to live between Sunday night and Friday morning. I'll give you a break after breakfast, at 1, and at 5; same pay. Mother thinks she is a man, anyway, and we go through the lovesick bs when nympho Mother hits on her, and CG gets depressed. I have no time to be depressed, although I have in my lifetime been very depressed. I come downstairs, sit down, my eyes are blurry now, because have I really had a break this weekend. I make one carnitas for me and I notice all the tortillas are gone. Where are the flour tortillas? We ate them all. No, impossible. I get up, go into the kitchen, find my glass of wine that no one could think of bringing for me, and the flour tortillas that my husband prefers. They ate all the corn tortillas, not knowing the difference. So why do I think of everything they want if they don't? I "speak up" to them, which I am infamous for--can you imagine?--and say, "I really need you all to ASK ME what you can do to help get dinner on table ON SUNDAYS WHEN I AM SCRAMBLING TO DEAL WITH MOTHER, etc...." Silence. Well, they went to Disneyland yesterday, so I should understand why they are all so tired. Oh, yes, I understand. Talk about a bunch of deer in headlights. Just wait, if one day I appear drooling and wearing a pair of overnight disposable underwear over my jeans...I threaten, but I won't. The progressing craziness of my Mother and the seeming helplessness of my family members contrasts with how I see myself in my all-encompassing efficiency, and it just makes me stronger. I have to be, don't I?
Except HERE, where I can Vent, and Gripe, and let you all see my weaknesses and imperfections. Thank God, Thank Bobbie.
I know I have it better then many: my Mother cannot go to the bathroom by herself and make a mess, but she wants to go about 3 times an hours during the day; if she is not over-sedated at night, she wants to get up every 2 hours throughout the night. But, she is not consistent with how she reacts to her consistent meds, so every night is different. We put ODU on her, but she still feels the urge to get up, make a big effin deal out of every time she has to go to the bathroom. Oh, my gosh, Oh, I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, it's coming, oh, I think it's almost finished. Oh, thank you". No, Thank YOU, Mother. She cannot remove or put on her ODU, or her clothes, or feed herself, or feed the cat, or sit by herself for even 5 minutes without having a fit. Now, she is going through the "poor me" and jumping up and wandering from about 2 pm until 5 pm, when she miraculously changes back to stable. She is saying words in no particular order starting around 6 pm, and we go into "have to catch the cat" mode around 8 pm, so we can get her to bed without a scene from "Poltergeist." We are going with the flow, however, and shaking our heads a lot and saying, "can you believe it"?, and sighing, and saying nothing. Another day is done. It is sad and exhausting, but I continue to read and educate myself and the caregivers about what to expect and how to handle things. The more info you have, and the more you understand, the easier it is to "accept" and deal with it for what it is: an individual slowly leaving the planet, brain cell by brain cell. Have a good day, everyone. Love you all. christina
pa is leanin more an dmore to the left . stll whiney . i turned on hee haw i recorded for him last night so he s watching it now . still leanin .
am going to tak ehim in today for chest xray , going to wait for my daughter to come and help me when she gets off work , when he s leanin i need 2 more strong arms . my sis is not strong and is not able to help lift him , she tries but its hard on her . if im begin careful with my back and can fel it like it wants to twist on me , ahh 2 more strong arms plz ...
he couldnt stand up to get off the wheelchair and slide over to the toilet , after 3 tries he has the grab bar in front of him he s hangin on to it but his legs just dont want to stand . told him one more time if not im putting u back in bed , well he finaly did it with bended knee , not stand tall straight , mumble and whine , ohh pa u dont feel good . :-( breaking my heart to see him like that .
he ate well , all his fav bfast so that is good he still eats .
maybe tmr i ll get him in to see his doc . great drag him out again . figure it do him good to get out but then again its not doin me good to haul him around . tears my body up . :-(
bobbie- glad to hear ure better now . man what a hellva meal u had lol along with that yummie drink ! barf ! thought u drink that stuff in the mornings ? not lunch or dinner . glad ure better today . yes go flash ur sweat shirt around let them folks out there look up at ya :-)
have tons of pa s laundry to do , hs clothes , blankets sheets , bathroom rugs , need wash em and put em away , dad s draggin his feet and those rugs rolls . got fussy with it all week i finaly grab em last night and tossed it over to the side . screw it , dont wanna make us fall !
ok gotta go zoomin around , xoxoxo
ps . about the rash they get , oh well ! ya tell em com eon let sgo bathroom , they fight nooooo im not wet ! cant argue with em or it be a battle and everybody gets upset , screw it . he sit in em till he cant stand it anymore . i have this cream i put on him and he rarely gets any rash :-) love that stuff ,calmoseptine , cream . get em behind pahrmacy , its the best ! bad rash , put cream on it , next day rash is 4 times smaller ! wonderful stuff . expesnive but well worth it .
bye u all !! gotta zoom zoom , xoxo
Going to the doc at 1:30 pm Central Time. So glad he got me in.
love,
miz
Waiting for my hairstylist to call me back...can't imagine they would be closed today....desperate for color and cut....that would make me feel better. Need to call accountant and get taxes done....going to be a nightmare with all the lump sum retirement payments I received last yr.
Everything here is quiet for right now.......I hope it stays that way!
Happy Valentines Day to all......Hugz!!!!!!
Happy Valentines Day!!
love,
miz
Normally my salon is open on Mondays......no call yet so I might try one more time. It's not like I'm doing anything else that makes it hard to schedule appt....:) Think I will go scrapbook and do laundry....hubby sleeping, dogs sleeping, col reading her papers, I'm escaping for a bit....Hugz!!!!!!
So what happened? Sit by my chair for a few and I'll tell you. Gather round and listen to Nightmare On Elm Street...
The Old One, (I can't even think of her as my grandma right now so for the duration of THIS post she will be referred to as The Old One) has been calling my mother back into the room each night after she is put into bed and asking her who is getting her out of bed the next morning. When my mother, (henceforth called STAN in this post because I'm so pissed at her I could shank her) says "why headbanger is going to get you up tomorrow cause I work" (translation: HB is getting you up cause I'm running like hell to go and speak to people who don't repeat themselves and have never made shew, shew, gurgling, moaning, chumming noises in their lifetime. I had enough of you yesterday so I am getting away from you today) so The Old One says..."HB leaves me in bed for a day and a half, I want you to get me out of bed". As in I don't get her out of bed at all and leave her in there suffering. Ok...screw you old woman. I gave up my house and moved halfway across the country so you could die in your own home and this is what I get. I came here when Stan was going to throw in the towel and put you in a nursing home and you now are talking smack behind my back! Believe it, you would be sitting right now in your hospital bed or wheelchair waiting for Brunhilda to give out meds to 25 other residents before you'd get someone to hand you another tissue or take you to the bathroom for the 10th time in 8 hours. You'd be riding high on that Foley catheter for sure!
The Old One has been saying this for about a month now regularly. Stan and I keep a journal where we record every shew, moan, blood pressure, bowel movement, fart, pill, and every other thing she does which includes the time we put on her Nitro patch and get her demented carcass up out of bed. So Stan is aware of what time I get her up on my days. Sometimes it is 8:30am, sometimes it is 10:30am. The Old One sometimes doesn't get up before 11:30am. This has also happened to Stan so she knows that it DOES occur. OMFG really? Sometimes I hit the lotto and the nurse aid comes before The Old One requests her morning servicing and breakfast. Then I don't have to get her up. That happens maybe once a week, twice if lightning can strike me twice.
So this morning, I go upstairs at 7:30am to get the baby monitor (old person hear every breath and dribble, drive you up the wall device) so that Stan can go to work. (Mind you my husband Valentine is still in the bed zzzzzzzzzz'ing cause the darling took the day off to be with me.) and Stan says to me..."Old One called me back into the room last night to tell me that you leave her in the bed for a day and a half and wants me to get her up in the mornings". I was kind and said to her....I WISH I could leave her in the bed for a day and a half but no...I'll give her a heating pad if she moans before 9am, then I will get her up the next time she moans, farts, shews, gurgles, burps, cries, or calls. It is permissible to brush your teeth and put your own clothes on BEFORE you have to dress Elizabeth Taylor right?
Today, The Old One starts braying like a freaking sheep at 8:15am so I go upstairs, lovingly give her her heating pad and explain that I am warming up the house, the nurse assistant hasn't called about her bath yet, and that I will get dressed and come up to get her out of bed when the house is warm. The heat bag soothes her and she will often sleep for another hour on her own. The Old One is fine with this, she thanks me and snores.
I walked out of her bedroom and Stan says to me, so...are you going to let her wait until the nurse assistant gets here? Maybe this is why she thinks that you leave her in bed for a day and a half. Maybe she really feels like she is not a priority. ALRIGHTY THEN! Let's dance Stan...It's ON! All of my anger has just rolled out but I haven't expressed it to Stan. I just hate rocking the boat if you can believe that. I moved halfway across the country to live in a basement so that you can tell me that my priorities aren't in order? Screw you too STAN.
I wake up everyday and just hope I can hang on till she goes. I do love
The Old One (and Stan too) and wanted her parting gift to be able to pass in her own home. I don't think I'm going to survive. Her brain has left the cranium and all that is left are these crusty organs inside a shell that looks like grandma and needs to be gotten out of bed, taken to the bathroom, cleaned up and fed everyday. Now she is starting to get pissy with my caregiving and I'm over it. I have cried all day. This is what my husband took the day off to see? He is such a sweet soul.
Stan didn't want to retire right away so that she could squirrel a bit more SS $$'s away and keep her health insurance till her Medicare kicked in, all the while I'm not contributing to mine cause I watch the old one so STAN CAN WORK. We thought that The Old One was going to pass from her heart condition and frequent mini-strokes because she was so weak and fragile (riiiiiight). I certainly thought that having her in Hospice means that the end is near so I stupidly ran to mother's side, excuse me...STAN's side to help her. Flash forward reality check and 2 years later.
I know dementia patients make up stories that don't necessarily describe their reality. In my head I know this is true. This board is covered with posts that cover paranoya and the distorted reality that dementia and alzheimer's causes. It doesn't help me right now to know that information. STAN is also choosing to act on the old one's bullshit and THAT is what is stinging me the most. Is Stan losing her marbles too? She can't believe her mother can be manipulative. Wake up and smell the coffee Stan.
Stan has lost her marbles. Yesterday, while she banged her own head on the table and wished for her own freedom she fed the Old One pea soup and a half pound of hershey's kisses. How do you think my day is going? Seriously what rational person feeds this to an elderly woman. I'll tell you who....someone who KNOWS they aren't on duty the next day, that's who. I feel totally betrayed AND I'm covered from hand to elbow in recycled Hershey's kisses. There aren't plastic gloves long enough to save me from that crack. I can't speak to The Old One today, it is enough of a strain just to be gentle and make The Old One think that it is perfectly OK with me that she can no longer wipe her own arse and I am absolutely delighted be summoned to provide service whenever the urge takes her. No sense in making her feel bad about herself right?
Stan told me she wants her mother to die in the same room that her father did peacefully in her sleep. I told her...isn't that a sweet picture? That doesn't happen to everyone, for the others....this is what curbs and buses are for. If Stan keeps feeding the old one pea soup and chocolate kisses, I'm going to push STAN in front of a bus.
*DISCLAIMER: No elderly persons were injured during the composition of this post. Stan will probably live to a ripe old age as well. Lucky for all of us, we don't live on a bus route.*
Jam...You see I am so right there with you. Pillow therapy is right where I am at.
Miz: The sooner you get to the Dr. the better. I had strep and the doctor didn't treat me, 2 weeks later I couldn't walk. Strep throat doesn't go away. It frequently just moves along to another place in your body. In my case it was my joints and I had such pain for months after. Always better to go to Dr. first and ask questions later! I hope you get better soon.
Bobbie: You always make me feel better. I used to be a cracker-jack sailor in my day and love the water too. I once sailed my boat back to the pier and put it into the slip when the motor died on a daytrip with 2 inexperienced visitors on board. No one told me that it couldn't be done. When the other boaters on the pier found out they were astounded that I did that with 30 foot sailboat LOL. A woman should always be Captain. Men are such wussies. (no offense to any of the guys that are here)
Cuz: Keep them coming.
Christina: Thank you for letting me read your struggles too. I do love carnitas.
Love to you all. I'm going to band my head on something for a while.
Probably not wanting to do the job, do ya think? It's too hard for one person.
Your husband, HB, is an ANGEL, for wanting to be there for you on the days he takes off. What a guy. Valentine.
Jam, I get you, and know yours helps you. Mine only does the "Enforcer" stuff, too. I am not a dog person, that's why I have a cat, because it basically cleans up after itself, is way less offensive than any charge on this site, and is also easier to have a conversation with. Additionally, I understood from the beginning what you meant by "pillow therapy". Bobbie--you are so nice. Pure thoughts and everything.
Miz--really, please have your husband help you to the doctor. You cannot let this wear down your immune system. It's awful.
Linda, see you in a few on fb.
Headbanger--bang your head, then band it.
I know it's not funny but let me tell you, you can WRITE!
Now it's Bus Therapy!! arrrarrrrraharhar!!!
Christine, I never really thought of myself as having 'pure' thoughts but i am a little slow on some things.... someone here on the thread said oh, pillow therapy is when you vent about smothering grandma and I'm all noooooo, it's just for you so no one hears you scream....
Ok, so I'm an idiot. Not the first time.
HB, I went through a lot of that and my mom died in own little bed but she wasn't really as bad as your grandma and i still thought I was going to lose my mind. I did call suicide hotline (no joke) in the first 18 months of caring for my mom because I couldn't see how in the world i was going to be able to live though this. That was when my mom was going through the talking smack phase and would tell anyone who would slow down how awful i was. I truly understand the betrayal aspects and feel free to tell STAN wtf the score is. Ya, you give up everything to be there and you get this. unacceptable and if you want to put STAN on the phone I'll be happy to straighten her out. As far as cleaning yourself up before Elizabeth Taylor (I really let out a hoot at that and scared the Cat) i learned that it's better if you leave them in bed to clean yourself up because once they are out of bed you are on poop duty 6 times an hour for remainder of the day.
I think that we should institute the crap dance. The next time you get crap on you do some kind of wild dance and give ol Granny the wide eye.
My mom was very sweet in the last year or so and ya, you don't know how long this goes on and it does go on and on and on. I was a full time caregiver for 5.5 years when I finally had to put my mom in respite care and I did forget about this but Miz reminded me, I was flying back and forth to handle my mom's business affairs and couldn't have her with me anyway because I couldn't do it all.
And there's the crux: We can't do it all. We can't even do half of it! people here are learning that you can't even do it with 2 people!!
Linda.....! maybe Pa is leaning because he has to fart?
(i'm sorry, but I remembered Cuz's joke about leaning........)
give him a kiss for me!
more later, boat stuff.
Miz! back from the doc yet??
lovbob
I gonna say a couple things about the nursing home thing and then go rest. I understand that sometimes it is the only way to go. Loved ones that are "killing" you, driving you insane, being mean to you, that you can't provide the care they need for and it goes on and on. In my case, I could not do it. One of my biggest fears was if my bro or sis came to town I would come home and find her in a nursing home. But, and this is a big BUT, my mom was only hateful to me a couple of times. Yes, it was a strain on my marriage, yes, she did drive me crazy, yes, I am in a financial mess, etc. etc. but it was the only way I personally could do it. I wanted her to get to stay in her own home. And, and this is a very big AND, nursing homes have got to get better. They have got to shape up. They have got to hire better people and pay them better. They have got to hire enough people to give the patients the care they need. My friend who just died was not given the physical therapy that she needed and lost the ability to walk. She was scared of at least one of the aids there and the staff knew and they did nothing. This can not happen!! Okay, I have said my piece for now. I better lay down. Them meds ain't working yet.
love,
miz
If a person who does not know about our life read some of our posts, he would think that we are completely crazy. Maybe we are getting crazy.
I agree with Bobbie, anyway, that Stan's behaviour is not the good one. If I were you, next time she feeds your GM poop-generating food, I would go to the place she works in, and I would leave the pooped diaper in a plastic bag on her desk (with a nice red ribbon around?), and I would go away. I bet she wouldn't do it anymore.
When my brother took my mother out for lunch on Sunday, I told him: "Don't give her anything that makes her sick; no fried food, no wine, don't give her too much chocolate".--- and my mother "Mind your own business!" (speaking of gratitude....) (of course she is fed up with my healthy food)
Ssk, I spent St Valentine's day smooching my cat. It is a very nice thought that one day I will find someone who will fall in love with my punctured soul, my vanishing brain, my increasing insanity!
I dreamed last night i was making love with a nice boy. And in the dream, I thought "Goodness, I have not eradicated my hair!"
Shoot, I can't even dream in my dreams!
Reality, grossness, in my dreams, too!
BTW, I'm thinking the doc maybe didn't take this thing seriously enough?? Anyone else think that or am I just being paranoid??
I picked her up today and was feeling good and strong and prepared for whatever but 5 minutes in the house and she's leaking onto my squeaky clean floors again. Okay, i 'm used to this, but i couldn't help but wonder if she was poopin her pants while she at the home? checked her laundry and I don't think so, . Our life has always included lot's of good ol' passive agressive fun but I sure hope she isn't up to what I think she is.
Anyway, puttin it out of my mind. the only way I'll get through is a lot of selective reality on my part. so everyting is juuuust fine.
About the NH vs. family care.... It's been a big dilemma for me lately but basically it comes to this for us; I will try my best to keep her home for as long as I can stand it (that's my choice, I'll chalk up the loss of MY life to martyrdom or stupidity or something) But the minute she no longer knows where she is anyway, and I've a feeling that will be soon, I'll turn her over to a home and walk away contented.
The biggest difficulty I've faced so far has been my own resentment and feeling as though I was being used or taken for granted, or that I was trying to make up for some imaginary inadequacy. F*ck that sh*t. No more, I'm doing this because she's a sad, lonely, vulnerable woman and I'm all she's got. That's all.
No more sorry for myself, and no more putting her as the priority either, we are in this together, and I'll make the best of my life despite her demands.
I'll be taking full advantage of respite care and any other help I may find and I'll be allowing myself to enjoy whatever I can when I can.
If ANYONE out there feel's they can do better or that I'm being selfish or negligent, (not you guys, of course) they are more than welcome to come pick 'er up, I'll throw in a fresh package of depends.
miz...glad it's not strep....get those antibiotics going and you will start to feel better by tomorrow I bet.....but maybe you should take another day off to make sure.
Hair appt on Wed, vet appt late Wed, taxes done March 1. And ear appt tomorrow....then 2 days away...yippee woohoo!!!!
I am translating now the last episodes of the 6th series and very soon we shall start the spin-off with Forest Whittaker. Can't get rid of serial killers!
How's your throat? try to get some natural remedies and not too much chemical stuff!
yes in the dream the boy did not care about the hair on my legs!
Movie of my generation
The other night I was invited out for a night with 'the girls.' I told Roger that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
Quickly, realizing Roger would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = (MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 'Midnight' He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh shit', cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.