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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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it is also dangerous for her. She was on a three hour rant, her hands were shaking, she had made so many trips from door to door trying to get out she was sweating.....It was when I was trying to calm her down that she went off the walls even further. I did not want her to have a stroke or heart attack. What a f'd up catch 22 I am in. Damned if I leave and damned if I stay.
I had terrible one day where my mom was being so overactive I really worried she was gonna have a heart attack. She was pissed at me too. She never got violent but I was so lucky with her. I never wanted her or I to go through that kind of day again. Doc put her on some meds and they worked. I have no regrets about that at all.
The "Bathing the Elderly" post has become a warm bed (not hot bed) of the old how dare we complain about this how would you like it if they said this about you ilk...I guess it is inevitable it comes up. Some feel we are being evil and terrible disrespectful to mention bowel habits of loved ones and how tired and frustrated we are with all of it...I think on some level they fear it will be them some day...Yes who want's to have to have someone handling their most intimate bodily tasks?...Is it more noble to do it with love or do it with hate and despair but do it any way? Does this matter? As long as the person is not harmed, or named in public why shouldn't we have a private place to complain about it, if they don't like the conversation they can choose to walk away from it can't they? But so often they get shirty and insist on condemning others and making sure we know just what they think of our inappropriate and selfish actions...Yes nothing quite as selfish as taking an ailing loved one into ones home and caring for there every need... I feel as long as you ARE caring for them and not doing them a harm what the hell does it matter what we say? Are we doing a great evil to not "Do it all with love" Sending bad cosmic vibes out into the Universe, spreading the negativity...disrespecting the elderly to mention we are tired and worn out and don't find joy in cleaning another feces out from under our nails? Some of us do love these people we are caring for, some don't. Some have good relationships with them and are in despair to watch them fade before our eyes. Some never connected and find this journey just another load to carry till it's end..but carry it we do. We are told on one hand not to complain and on the other if we find it so onerous to just let it go so someone who loves them or gets paid to care for them can do the same thing and what???...Not ever complain or have a moment of despair..PUhlease. This seems to speak a great deal about the persons fears of their own possible/eventual care than the imagined suffering relative in our care. It is like they are angry we are angry...but they are not here doing it, and if they are dealing with the same in their own world they are pissed we do not view it as they do?
I don't know, Are we bad people because we do all this and don't find joy in it? Sounds like a hell of a judgment call...and well stupid...
Thanks Ted, a great idea, I will talk to the sil first, let him know that if she is not taken to the dr and soon, the next time she takes a fall I am going to call 911. I know what his response will be, no, no just call me I will come help you. And I am going to tell him I am not going to call him, I am going to do just what I said I would do. They already know how I am, as one day I had to be gone for about 5 hours. When i got back. she was alone, the house reeked of bm, there was shit on the furniture, on the counter tops, and all over her. Dried shit on her stomach and legs. After I got everything cleaned up, I stomped next door, Yes they live next door, and blew a gasket. I had my own rant that day. Told the daughter if I EVER come back to that again I will call the Elder Abuse Hotline, the police, and anyone else I can because this will NEVER happen again.I only get 8 hours off a week, and so far it has not happened again. I just think it is crazy that I have to go to such extremes to get anything done for her. People who go "thru the motions" of giving a damn so no one will think bad of them, just makes me tired. Makes my soul weary. I can tell ya'll this, when and if I leave here, Social Services will be called. No way would I walk away and leave her at the mercy of this selfish bunch of morons...
Anyone who can do this and HONESTLY not find anything to gripe about is... well, lucky. But the people who do this and PRETEND that's all fun and pretty and heartwarming, with absolutely NO downside, are egostical hypocrites and liars who are probably only doing it in the first place to show the world just how freakin wonderful they are. I pity them.
I hadn't thought of that Ted...I am too naive and wrapped up in it...Showing the world how perfect they are...there is that. Some genuinely must love the work and care but some have got to be faking it. Maybe that doesn't matter either.
If:
A: Is a care giver and never complains no matter how horrid the tasks.
and
B: Is a care giver and does the work no matter how horrid but does complain...
and
C: Doesn't do the work of care giving but complains...
and
D: Doesn't do any care giving work and doesn't complain...
How many oranges does it take to fill Denmark?
In the whole frickin universe and all of time and space does my referring to my despised, pervert of a grandfather as: "fart pants" really matter?...
Only to me, only to me...
And if there is some sort of judgment in the Next for it...I will take it!
Good Evening! I WAS going to tell you how my day was but after reviewing the daily posts I feel compelled to respond to my family in captivity. Like really compelled…like I could go on for days and days, non-stop…BINGO!
PEACH! Not only is she back…but she left a loaded post totally unprotected where I could LOLz myself to the verge of seizure before I can find the words to respond.
You did say I could “have my way” with your post and I’m breathing heavy already. You left me wondering if you have been keeping up with the posts for the past two days? In a den full of COUGARS a husband with the libido of a teenage boy is something to be admired. I’d store that affection up like a grandma hoards her paper products (her pockets are deep). Take full advantage of BINGO especially if he cuddles afterwards. Ok Meg Ryan….I’ll have what you’re having.
On a more serious note, if the medication is making him sick in any other way I’d ask the doctor to discontinue it. Otherwise I’d just SMILE.
I also enjoyed the hot pink redneck wedding. All her bridesmaids should be strung up. It is their fault she wore the pink. You KNOW someone told her “Oh Sissy, in that hot pink prom dress and sparkly head do-hicky…no one focuses on your teef. You looks just like cotton candy at the fair I sware, and no baby, it don’t make your ass look fat.”
Jam: If I smiled every time grandma pooped it would seriously compromise my wrinkle reduction program. I just can’t pretend to be that happy wearing plastic gloves. It just doesn’t happen. Maybe a proctologist can be that happy…I can’t reach that deep.
Christina: I have only admiration for you sister. Moo, moo, moo, moo! Who doesn’t love a man with a swagga and spurs? You don’t even have to wait for your Mom to poop to smile. I bet you are smirking all the time! You go girl.
Laleeda: Hon I just pray for you. Your situation is over the top and I hope you can get her on a nice medication regimen before something serious happens. She sounds so agitated and since you are being passive and not escalating her mood she is just winding herself up. Something has got to give and it can’t be you. If I have anything to be really grateful for, it is that with her dementia, grandma is not mobile. If she tries to make it to the margarine she doesn’t get anywhere fast. I do have a cereal story for you though. It will have to wait for another day, this post is getting pretty long.
Ted: Glad you have gotten some rest.
Rosella: When it comes to Bulls and BINGO…it does beat kissing cats. Maybe together we can convince P & C to enjoy the ride. And you asked how shit can go uphill? I have only an illustration. I know, I know….pictures or it didn’t happen, but sometimes my life is like a giant crapper in a deep-freeze…you better pray that the thaw comes gentle, otherwise you are up to your ankles in septic. Shit can back up a hill.
Miz: You need to kick that freeloading sore throat out. It is so strange that it is going away and coming back like that. I hope you find a wonderful home. I know you will. I can feel it.
Bobbie: Officer Peter Piper here…. I’m sorry ma’m, but your post shows pre-meditated “pickle” abuse. If you have fat broccoli and rubber bands in your refrigerator you CAN be arrested for probable cause.
Angie: Nice to meet you. I hope you don’t judge me on this post alone…Peach put me up to it. She asked for my advice.
To everyone…I am thoroughly entertained tonight. I had full day of respite in glorious weather and then this thread? OMG I am strolling in high cotton. It doesn’t get better than this…unless you are Peach. *winks*
GAA, I think it was inevitable...Such a emotionally loaded issue. Washing the body and caring for the failing in facilities of an elderly person in the family. It is just part of life..but in the "just" is a situation loaded with raw emotion, anger, irritation, sadness, resentment, wishful thinking, guilt, fear....why should any of this be easy. Do it, don't do it, make a choice, make a choice by Not making a choice...Feel tied down, feel glad to be of use to someone who needs you..Yeah why should That be simple...
J...I love my grandmother so much. I am doing the best I can. I am a very compassionate caregiver to her. I am loving, gentle and very patient. I can't do it without venting. Venting is saving my life. Venting is allowing me to let go of resentment.
I went to the bathing thread. CG101's head must be in the "blackhole" in her universe. Sylvester is now my hero...OH SNAP!
J....I'm sorry to say I almost disappeared today because I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me when I couldn't jump up and down and clap my hands with a giggle whenever the col has a bowel movement, or digs around in her rotten teeth for food snacks, or squeezes the pee out of her wet undies, or any number of other maladies that are supposed to make me such a proud caregiver. I am so tired of being preached to about how thrilled I should be that a great part of my life is in the crapper because I care for someone who can't care for themselves. There are good days when I will bend over backwards to make her day happy and carefree...there are those other days when she can take a long walk off a short pier.......but my care doesn't change....she will get clean undies, bathed in warm water and yes I turn her thermostat to 78 degrees and become a sweathog to make sure she is toasty warm during bath time....and end the day with a good meal regardless of how she acts. I may bitch and moan because I am only 57 yrs old with a husband who is now home to spend time with...it's hard to just take off and go to lunch just because we want to......I didn't know I was signing onto this job when I said "I do".....but I am and will continue what I'm doing and I will continue to bitch and moan when it gets to the point I'm either looking for pillows or waiting for a bus to go by, or looking fondly at a window. Hugz to all of my fellow caregivers who are now jumping up and down clapping your hands because someone has pooped!
damn if you do damn if you dont . mmmm what to do ?? :-) hi jsomebody , good to hear from you . been to walmart 157 dollars plz . i looked at my sister and said what in the hell did we get ? less than half cart , sis said dad s briefs and padding . 5 bucks 10 bucks 499 , blahblah , i dont see any 2 for 50 cent anymore , i see 2 for 8 bucks ! oh baloney plzzzzz . whats for supper tmr ? i dont know .... ladee- i be callin 911 if shes freakin out pacing doors to doors . i took dad to er cuz he would look straight at my eyes and yell help melinda plz help me . i said ok dad what can i help u with ? he said i need help with help .... he sounded like a broken record , says it over and over non stop , it freaked me out i said uhh ure going to ER . this is not normal , thinkin its his heart maybe ? well it s dementia i didnt know that was all part of dementia , i felt bad and learned alot , alz they do need the calmin down pills .... sometimes i have to give dad his zannie cuz he be a broken record . HELP ME LINDA OH PLZZ HELLLPPPP! over and over . freaks me out . here dad take a zannie , then he s calmed down . you know sometimes i still hear it , i go runnin to ck on him uhh he s sleeping like a baby , i swore i heard him screamin , moaning , whimpering . i am so afraid when he goes to a better place i ll prob still hear him ! hubby said oh honey ure brainwash . :-/ goodnight you all xoxo
jam I know...what you mean...I guess these are gonna come up now and then, maybe they think if we complain about it we are Not giving good care giving? I think if the person is safe and clean and not being yelled at or hit or disrespected to their face they are being cared for.... Who didn't grouse about child care now and then, or work when it is a pain in the ass?...Why is it. religion, societal pressure fear that when it is parental (or grand parental) it is some how evil to say yeah I am tired and worn out and pissed?...
Ladeeda, I looked for some information on your wall and I did not find any. The lady you are taking care of is your relative? Have you got any power to decide what to do with her? Jokes apart, it seems to me the situation is quite dangerous for both of you. Can't you film her when she is having one of these crisis and show the film to their relatives, and if they still continue with this stupid-criminal attitude of no-meds, you can really address to social services... or to 911 or whatever. I don't know what I am talking about because I have not enough elements to judge, but at that stage of Alzheiner you cannot live without meds. Please tell us something more so we can help you more. This is a situation you can't accept-
Headbanger, I understand now the uphill shit. It is different for us. My mother, if she does it during the night of the early hours of the morning, when I sleep, she tries to conceal it and in doing so she spreads it everywhere. And I mean everywhere, in the whole house (when I sleep, I sleep hard) And then she says that the dogs and cats did it. I think you know that part of the comedy! Angie glad to see you back, darling!
rossellamex I will post on your wall tomorrow all the gory details. I am so tired, I need to go to bed and sleep while she is sleeping. Thanks for all your concern, and no I have no authority to do anything, not yet anyway, I'll explain tomorrow.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Look for the first, legitimate opportunity to call 911, get her in the medical radar, then take it from there.
I feel as long as you ARE caring for them and not doing them a harm what the hell does it matter what we say? Are we doing a great evil to not "Do it all with love" Sending bad cosmic vibes out into the Universe, spreading the negativity...disrespecting the elderly to mention we are tired and worn out and don't find joy in cleaning another feces out from under our nails?
Some of us do love these people we are caring for, some don't. Some have good relationships with them and are in despair to watch them fade before our eyes. Some never connected and find this journey just another load to carry till it's end..but carry it we do. We are told on one hand not to complain and on the other if we find it so onerous to just let it go so someone who loves them or gets paid to care for them can do the same thing and what???...Not ever complain or have a moment of despair..PUhlease. This seems to speak a great deal about the persons fears of their own possible/eventual care than the imagined suffering relative in our care. It is like they are angry we are angry...but they are not here doing it, and if they are dealing with the same in their own world they are pissed we do not view it as they do?
I don't know, Are we bad people because we do all this and don't find joy in it? Sounds like a hell of a judgment call...and well stupid...
If:
A: Is a care giver and never complains no matter how horrid the tasks.
and
B: Is a care giver and does the work no matter how horrid but does complain...
and
C: Doesn't do the work of care giving but complains...
and
D: Doesn't do any care giving work and doesn't complain...
How many oranges does it take to fill Denmark?
In the whole frickin universe and all of time and space does my referring to my despised, pervert of a grandfather as: "fart pants" really matter?...
Only to me, only to me...
And if there is some sort of judgment in the Next for it...I will take it!
PEACH! Not only is she back…but she left a loaded post totally unprotected where I could LOLz myself to the verge of seizure before I can find the words to respond.
You did say I could “have my way” with your post and I’m breathing heavy already. You left me wondering if you have been keeping up with the posts for the past two days? In a den full of COUGARS a husband with the libido of a teenage boy is something to be admired. I’d store that affection up like a grandma hoards her paper products (her pockets are deep). Take full advantage of BINGO especially if he cuddles afterwards. Ok Meg Ryan….I’ll have what you’re having.
On a more serious note, if the medication is making him sick in any other way I’d ask the doctor to discontinue it. Otherwise I’d just SMILE.
I also enjoyed the hot pink redneck wedding. All her bridesmaids should be strung up. It is their fault she wore the pink. You KNOW someone told her “Oh Sissy, in that hot pink prom dress and sparkly head do-hicky…no one focuses on your teef. You looks just like cotton candy at the fair I sware, and no baby, it don’t make your ass look fat.”
Jam: If I smiled every time grandma pooped it would seriously compromise my wrinkle reduction program. I just can’t pretend to be that happy wearing plastic gloves. It just doesn’t happen. Maybe a proctologist can be that happy…I can’t reach that deep.
Christina: I have only admiration for you sister. Moo, moo, moo, moo! Who doesn’t love a man with a swagga and spurs? You don’t even have to wait for your Mom to poop to smile. I bet you are smirking all the time! You go girl.
Laleeda: Hon I just pray for you. Your situation is over the top and I hope you can get her on a nice medication regimen before something serious happens. She sounds so agitated and since you are being passive and not escalating her mood she is just winding herself up. Something has got to give and it can’t be you. If I have anything to be really grateful for, it is that with her dementia, grandma is not mobile. If she tries to make it to the margarine she doesn’t get anywhere fast. I do have a cereal story for you though. It will have to wait for another day, this post is getting pretty long.
Ted: Glad you have gotten some rest.
Rosella: When it comes to Bulls and BINGO…it does beat kissing cats. Maybe together we can convince P & C to enjoy the ride. And you asked how shit can go uphill? I have only an illustration. I know, I know….pictures or it didn’t happen, but sometimes my life is like a giant crapper in a deep-freeze…you better pray that the thaw comes gentle, otherwise you are up to your ankles in septic. Shit can back up a hill.
Miz: You need to kick that freeloading sore throat out. It is so strange that it is going away and coming back like that. I hope you find a wonderful home. I know you will. I can feel it.
Bobbie: Officer Peter Piper here…. I’m sorry ma’m, but your post shows pre-meditated “pickle” abuse. If you have fat broccoli and rubber bands in your refrigerator you CAN be arrested for probable cause.
Angie: Nice to meet you. I hope you don’t judge me on this post alone…Peach put me up to it. She asked for my advice.
To everyone…I am thoroughly entertained tonight. I had full day of respite in glorious weather and then this thread? OMG I am strolling in high cotton. It doesn’t get better than this…unless you are Peach. *winks*
I went to the bathing thread. CG101's head must be in the "blackhole" in her universe. Sylvester is now my hero...OH SNAP!
Hugz to all of my fellow caregivers who are now jumping up and down clapping your hands because someone has pooped!
:-) hi jsomebody , good to hear from you .
been to walmart 157 dollars plz . i looked at my sister and said what in the hell did we get ? less than half cart , sis said dad s briefs and padding . 5 bucks 10 bucks 499 , blahblah , i dont see any 2 for 50 cent anymore , i see 2 for 8 bucks ! oh baloney plzzzzz . whats for supper tmr ? i dont know ....
ladee- i be callin 911 if shes freakin out pacing doors to doors . i took dad to er cuz he would look straight at my eyes and yell help melinda plz help me . i said ok dad what can i help u with ? he said i need help with help .... he sounded like a broken record , says it over and over non stop , it freaked me out i said uhh ure going to ER . this is not normal , thinkin its his heart maybe ?
well it s dementia i didnt know that was all part of dementia , i felt bad and learned alot , alz they do need the calmin down pills .... sometimes i have to give dad his zannie cuz he be a broken record . HELP ME LINDA OH PLZZ HELLLPPPP! over and over . freaks me out . here dad take a zannie , then he s calmed down .
you know sometimes i still hear it , i go runnin to ck on him uhh he s sleeping like a baby , i swore i heard him screamin , moaning , whimpering . i am so afraid when he goes to a better place i ll prob still hear him ! hubby said oh honey ure brainwash . :-/
goodnight you all xoxo
doggies...
I once heard Dr. Ruth say, “Ladies…you keep a cucumber on the counter and no one will be the wiser.”
I wonder what Dr. Ruth would say about keeping 3 butter knives and a banana down your diddie?
These are the things I ponder as I try to make sense of someone else’s dementia. I CLEARLY don’t have a handle on my own.
Laugh when you can sweetie! I am sending you tons of love and strength so you don’t go bananas.
Love, HB
Headbanger, I understand now the uphill shit. It is different for us. My mother, if she does it during the night of the early hours of the morning, when I sleep, she tries to conceal it and in doing so she spreads it everywhere. And I mean everywhere, in the whole house (when I sleep, I sleep hard) And then she says that the dogs and cats did it. I think you know that part of the comedy!
Angie glad to see you back, darling!
love,
miz