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G'mornin' all! I just gave mom a banana (to eat) and couldn't help smirkin at her.
So, listen, I posted the next paragraph on the driving thread by mistake yesterday (Thanks for the heads-up HB) I wish i would have posted it on the Bathing thread by mistake but, oh well. Here it is where it was intended;
Okay guys, we're in year two, the 10-20K stretch, and we just witnessed a seemingly small but profoundly important success by Ladeeda. What d'ya say we start issuing an annual award? (With the blessings of the Captain, of course) We could go by most stars given over the year, or just a flat nominee/most votes thing, or catagories, or something.
HB an oil retention enema might help or high colonic you would have to get the tubing and such we had a head nurse who use to love to do those it is messy but better than the alturnative. They did a homemaker over home near here and the neighbors complained about all the traffic it was for the son of a classmate of mine 3 generations had been and some still were vol firman they had 6girls then one boy he developed cancer at 4 and died at 6 and had another child a while later and they lived in a cramped houes so a nice big house was built for them I was so pleased about it-I am wishing a better day for all of you and if not may God give you an extra amount of strenght I will never forget the 16 years of caregiving I did and admire all of you for doing it 24/7 my ungratful husband used to say but you only have one pt. not 6 like you did at work -but I got to go home at 3 or 4 or 5 every day and had days off and sometimes even got a lunch break.
Oh, Maxine--You are such a sweet Blessing and are loved so much. I love to read your posts and appreciate your continuing support. Did you ever see the movie," Matilda"? It's a cute kids movie with Mara Wilson, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman. There is a scary princiPAL of the school name Miss Trunchable, an ex-shot-putter, who makes the kids lives hell. I thought of her when you mentioned the head nurse who loved to do high colonics. Gulp. She must have been a winner. Love you!!! xoxoxoxChristina
Hi Wuvs! I loved your post....and welcome to GROSSED. Another pooh post. You and Pirate mentioned pooh and got me going. Be careful what you wish for!
SO that brings me to:
THE HEADBANGER POOH HALL OF FAME! TOP 15 POOPS FOR ALL TIME:
1) The shy pooh-pooh: It lingers in the rectum because it has no self esteem. This pooh must be coaxed into appearing anywhere. This pooh frequently will poke out to survey the situation and get scared and return into the rectum. AKA Turtlehead poker.
2) The burglar pooh: Which is like pooh stuck in the chimney when it tried to rob your house. This pooh must be greased up and pulled out. Although you may think you need law enforcement, this pooh is usually too tired to fight once it is removed.
3) The wall-flower pooh-pooh: It enters the room and immediately finds a wall to smear on. No...you can't dance with this pooh.
4) The shelf sitting pooh: You walk by any table and see a new sculpture... and no...this isn't art therapy. This pooh is also known as mountain range pooh...the natural formation is almost breathtaking.
5) The finger paint pooh: Murals of abstract brown art. If you stare at it long enough you can see flowers, trees, and faces of dead celebrities.
6) The hide and seek pooh: Ali-Ali-UM-COMFREE! I give up. I can smell you but can't find you pooh. This can be distressing pooh, especially if your social worker is coming right over.
7) The trace pooh: It lingers under fingernails and defies you to remove it because you just can't hold the elderly hand long enough to get your nail file there. I hate this pooh, I hear it laughing at me. I also fear this pooh because it can turn into....Finger up the nose pooh.
8) The bad-ass pooh: The pooh that stands up to your disenfectant, sponge, and scrub brush, and sends it packing. It is WWF kick-ass wrestle you to the ground pooh. It is the pooh you have to scrub for hours. This pooh must be a gang-member because it has tatoo'd my bathroom and made me it's b*tch. I call this pooh BUBBA and never turn my back on it.
9) Track and Field pooh: This is pooh that runs faster and longer than any other pooh. Usually you see this pooh after your ward has eaten a pound of chocolate, Triscuits, and Pea soup. Although it is a gold medal winning pooh, it is to be avoided at all costs.
10) The pebble pooh: This pooh is an escape artist, it falls out of your ward's depends and conceals itself on the carpet. Not to be confused with hide and seek pooh, this pooh prefers open spaces and looks like raisen-ettes or chocolate malt balls. This pooh is often referred to as "Houdini pooh" because it escapes from any depends and lives to be seen on stage.
11) The Sitcom pooh: This dramatic pooh loves to entertain. This is the pooh that cannot wait to take a bow before a live audience, and is always taken in front of other people.
12) The space-shuttle pooh: This pooh cannot be confused with any other pooh. This pooh is HEAVY and seems to have it's own gravitational pull. Keep your balance when dealing with this pooh. This pooh is like a black-hole and science does not know what happens to objects that this pooh consumes. AKA: Event Horizon Pooh
13) The zip-code pooh: This pooh is so large it needs it's own post-office. This pooh should receive fan-mail and usually blocks up the toilet. (AKA: Plumber pooh)
14) The Titanic Pooh: Unfortunate pooh. Left unattended and with too many flushes behind it...zip code pooh turns into Titanic pooh. This pooh has gone over the top of the porcelain barrier, ripped a gaping hole in it's side, and is sinking on the bathroom floor. This is a slip and fall risk pooh. You may need a raft or at the very least a swamp airboat to navigate the clean up.
AND LAST BUT MOST OFTEN ENCOUNTERED:
15) The disguised little SH*T: Sly and covert this pooh is a master of deceit. This pooh can cleverly mimic pooh from ANY other species or human. Once this pooh escapes the rectum it morph's into any of the following:
A) The caregiver's pooh: OMFG how could YOU have left that pooh there? You are disgusting. B) Your dogs pooh: I swear to god we have to get rid of your dog. It has a problem! C) Food: You gonna eat that? D) Art Supplies: refer to Fig: 4 and Fig 5
Ok yes I can go on for hours and hours...but I'll stop there, I have to take a shower sometime.....
Ladeeda...what do you get when you cross a banana and a butter knife? I don't know either.....
Peach..Good to hear you are up and around and NOT tied up to a bed somewhere.
Ted: No problem...I'm a semi pro lurker although I don't post everywhere. I'm still learning about what everyone else thinks and lord knows I don't have the answers. My style isn't appropriate for all occasions. I'm like stand-up comic pooh...where everyone points and laughs.
To everyone...Be kind to yourselves, be kind to your elderly, laugh if you can, and by all means....do not turn your back on Bubba pooh..that would turn into Pirate pooh: Pooh that can move on it's own, sneak up behind you and plunder booty. That my friends is just TOTALLY GROSS!!
Addendum: shoot me please, I can't let this potty humor go:
21) Celebrity pooh: A larger than life pooh that is impressive in most ways and is always trailed by smaller pooh-parazzi.
22) Reality TV or Heiress pooh: Pooh that has outlived it's 5 minutes in the spotlight but floats at the top of the bowl. Very resistant to flushing.
23) Symphony Pooh: Pooh that is always accompanied by the sounds of a mardi-gras parade. This pooh never slips quietly into the bowl. The orchestra can perform alone without the pooh...this is called slip farts and could be the subject of another post.
24) Insomnia pooh: This is pooh every caregiver hates. This pooh's arrival is always in the middle of the night. It takes so long to get done that it takes most of the night and you are usually too wired to get back to sleep.
25) Political pooh: This pooh market's itself as something it is not. Once you vote for this pooh, it never delivers. Do not let this pooh kiss your baby. When this pooh finally gets elected....it stinks.
26) Dog Whisperer pooh: This is the pooh that looks like a small naughty dog on the carpet. No touch, no talk, no eye contact is best if you want to get close to this pooh with a paper towel. As tired as you may be...please do not keep this pooh as a pet, it cannot be housebroken. *snaps fingers* "ssssstttt"
27) Charmed pooh: This is the pooh that needs three teenage witches to banish it back to where it came from. AKA Exorcist pooh
28) Redneck pooh: This pooh doesn't care what anyone thinks. Is that a mullet? This pooh is fat and bossy. You can picture this pooh draped in a pink prom dress with it's banana boyfriend and 3 hanger on friends...the butterknife boys. This pooh doesn't take sh*t from anyone. It does what it wants.
29) The gymnastic pooh: Still an olympian...a gold medal pooh will somehow be higher on the wall than any other pooh you've seen before. This pooh seems to defy gravity.
30) The couch potato pooh: This pooh loves to sit on the sofa. This pooh can arrange itself in amazing ways. It can resemble a pot smoking teen, a football fanatic, or a napping baby. Always look where you sit. This pooh will let you sit on it's lap and you don't want that.
Thank you for sharing about your mom's CG attraction. It does happen so often.
This is a true story. Hand to god, no embellishment. I was a medical assistant working the back office in my 20's. My physician was an internist and his practice was strictly adults but comprised of many geriatric patients.
One of our gentlemen was Mr. Irving (last name concealed). Mr. Irving would hit on me so hard you would think he was starving man waiting for his turn at the buffet at the Golden Corral. I just laughed to myself and went on with my business...but soon his complaints were always respiratory and chest related.
The doctor comes to me and says "room 4 needs to undress from waist up and can't do it himself." I go in there and see a grinning Mr. Irving. I said "Ok Mr. Irving...lets get you ready for the doctor, he'll see you in your wheelchair but we need to take off your shirt and undershirt ok?" Mr. Irving just sat there eyes twinkling and making little sounds. I walked over unbuttoned his shirt and placed it on the chair next to us. I then went over to take off his undershirt. As I was pulling the shirt over his head, he cupped each of my "girls" in his hand and gave em a good squeeze. I was so embarrassed.
Ok so thinking I imagined the whole thing I tried to play it off...the whole time my mind was racing thinking that I must have done the maneuver wrong so that his hands couldn't go anywhere else...Gawd help me.
So exam over...physician comes to me and says.."ok help Mr. Irving get dressed." I go over and said "ready to get dressed Mr. Irving?" He nods and makes a few more grunting noises. "Put your arms up" I said to him, making real sure I stayed away from his hands. Low and behold, his paws snaked down to my "girls" and he said "honk, honk".
"MR IRVING" I gasped. "You know exactly what you are doing, don't you?, he said clear as day...."Boobies".
I will never forget that. After the exam I told the doctor about the encounter and told him that he should choose another M.A. to assist him with Mr. Irving. "What for?" the doctor asked, "He's already broken you in!"
Hey HB, I haven't had a laugh like this in , I really can't remember!!! You are the best! This has got to be published, somewhere...Anyone got any ideas for this great comic? And yes, you are my Comic Relief, forever and ever... :)
Smooth sailing pooh: This is poop that cuts through the water like a schooner riding a good blow. This poop is full speed ahead and usually creates a splash or "wake". The smooth sailing pooh is almost like spotting the "Flying Dutchman" it is a fantasy, mythical or fabled poop because I sure haven't seen one yet.
Just found a great way to get mom to eat all her dinner... Bake some brownies and leave them out for her to smell!!! Deal is, no eating her dinner, no eating her dessert! Poor baby, now all she's doing is coming into the office and asking what time is dinner? Guess I better get the food on the table. :) Oh, I know HB, you're gonna have fun with this one, huh? LOL
Headbanger, those different poohs are hilarious!! And so true!!
We were going to look at houses today but got the call this morning that hubby's mom is in the hospital with two blood clots in her lungs, stomach full of fluids, and found out possible liver cancer. They can't do a biopsy because they are afraid she will bleed to death I think. She is having pain on one side of her back and under her left breast. She's only 61. We made the two hour drive in less than two hours and then went to see her, then got something to eat and went back to the hospital and spent some more time with her and FIL and SIL. It's very upsetting. She's not been in good health for quite some time now. She's overweight and that does not help matters. Needless to say, after spending a week in the hospital with my mom, I don't like going there. I'm very worried about her. They were gonna go to Hawaii next month. That doesn't seem at all possible now. Hubby is sleeping and I am tired. We are at his parents house. We plan to spend the night tonight and go back home tomorrow after spending time with MIL as I work all day on Monday. Hubby set up my laptop for me on a TV tray and so here I sit. Packing for the night wasn't too difficult as I had not completely unpacked from our Florida trip.
I read the earlier post by Ted. Wrote on his wall how much I appreciated his thoughts and support. But I feel we all get a prize everyday by having this sight. I told Ted it is because of him and many others that have gone before me here, that I felt safe to share my feelings and situation. The support of being heard was priceless, and am making new friends. And of course we are having such fun with the "banana/knives" thing it was worth every minute of the craziness and the bump on the head. HB, So many people on the sight have suggested you write a book, start a column or something, If this many people call you a "duck" then maybe you need to "quack".....Not that it is wasted on us, because you are cheaper than therapy,(did that come out wrong? lol) Will tell ya'll about my "almost" day off. What a bunch of crap this family is... anyway, I am going to bed and read... see ya'll tomorrow
Love ya, Miz. You've been so strong for us, for so many people, We're here for you, but you know that. So get some rest and we'll be thinking good thoughts for you and hubby, and for all of those you love.
Hi Miz I'm sorry for your hubby that we don't know but we like for all the good things we have heard about him. There is a positive side, that you have each other for support in all this family distress. I sure hope things go better, but whatever period he is going to face, he is going to have you close to him.... Be brave and a big hug!
Headbanger, I was absolutely fascinated by your work of art (I mean it, there was poetry in your essay) (poetry literally hidden amongst the sh*t) and I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry! Find a plot and write a real book.
My claim to national fame! Ty took the kids of a local makeover to a restaurant whose doors I had lettered. Showed them going in. A split second blink of my work.
Hi Miz, wow what terrible news, when it rains it definetly poors don't it..hang in there girl!
Well today the hospice nurse came to sign my mom up.,.they do this extended care service, you don't have to be exactly at death's door before they help you. Everything was fine until she mentioned the DNR form..creepy, but I get what she meant do you want to revive so they can go back to their sad existence...well no..,I guess they look at quality of life,..,anyway it is creepy I may not sign it - if it gets to a bad stage yes but not now. My mom was all antzy about the nurse visit she could not stand us talking in another room and so we sat in her bedroom and she tossed and turned like I never saw her toss and turn before,..and tried to get up and was pissing and moaning about how she can't see, well she is not all the way blind she can def see and can see us, she likes to use that as her ruse all the time. Mom is healthy physically wise but not too good at walking at all, her cane has become something she does not navigate and I either put her arms around me and move her or have her use her walker. I have to say the antibiotics have made a big difference if only I could tell between decline alz and UTI. Well anyway the nurses will start to come and check on the situation every few days it sounds..wow. She said they provide any meds dealing with the ailment and also diapey's. She mentioned a certain kind of bed..,wonder if they provide that free of charge as well? I have gotten absolutely no where with getting moved in. For one thing the damn caregiver I had would always be in my way talking to me about her problems or she was not checking on my mom or I had errands to do. Either taxes from mom and me, or doc appt for her, or dealing with learning the news on Monday I have a brand new caregiver again. Well this past week was a waste. Today was a waste, cause after I got done with mom, brought stuff from my yard at old house to put in yard at mom's house then nurse was supposed to come at 1:00 well that changed to 2:30..then it changed to 3:00 okay then she left at 5:00 then mom wanted to eat all of a sudden,..then it was 6:00 then I felt fried and lonely and sad. She said I have to be here at night, but I can't sleep on the couch or I will be useless the next day..seriously. I am the total PRINCESS AND THE PEA. If I am not warm and comfortable and can't stretch right..I cannot sleep well and will be warmed over shit the next day, and if that keeps up, will affect my health. I know..I cannot even sleep with snoring cause I am a light sleeper and if I am sleep deprived I go right down the tubes. Sigh, some people can sleep anywhere even sitting up...not I. So let's see if tommorrow is better. Stupid b/f still cannot get it into his head that I have to start moving..he thinks we can still party...what a fn selfish bstrd,.he say he gets it but then he says stuff like everything is normal still planning for get togethers at my house and evenings of fun...what a moron...he stresses me out! Glad he is busy with his kid tonight...he said she might have a sleep over at a friends and may come over but that changed and will not be coming over - good. I feel like taking a nap on the couch though,...I feel worn out...I leave my mom's house late every night so I can be sure she is asleep and go home to sleep and call her in the early morning to see if she is alright and then get myself over here.,..my house is like in stand still have not washed the dishes over there for 2 weeks they are just soaking forever...lol. Maybe tomorrow morning will do those really quick. I hope tomorrow I can go back to MOLD ABATEMENT in my old bedroom. Yeah thanks mom for cramming the room full of shit and keeping the door closed so no circulation or heat can go in there and grow mold. Well I got the bottom closed cleared out and clean from mold. Now I have to go around behind the bed and clean that wall and then there is a bookcase and there is mold of both the yucky brownish yellow but black streaks as well. I think I have t remove all the crap from the bookcase,.,.fn dolls and stuffed animals and sewing stuff and family framed photos...geezus more stuff! I am getting ruthless with the tossing and thrift shop candidates...can't keep everything.
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So, listen, I posted the next paragraph on the driving thread by mistake yesterday (Thanks for the heads-up HB) I wish i would have posted it on the Bathing thread by mistake but, oh well. Here it is where it was intended;
Okay guys, we're in year two, the 10-20K stretch, and we just witnessed a seemingly small but profoundly important success by Ladeeda. What d'ya say we start issuing an annual award? (With the blessings of the Captain, of course)
We could go by most stars given over the year, or just a flat nominee/most votes thing, or catagories, or something.
I thought of her when you mentioned the head nurse who loved to do high colonics. Gulp. She must have been a winner.
Love you!!! xoxoxoxChristina
SO that brings me to:
THE HEADBANGER POOH HALL OF FAME! TOP 15 POOPS FOR ALL TIME:
1) The shy pooh-pooh: It lingers in the rectum because it has no self esteem. This pooh must be coaxed into appearing anywhere. This pooh frequently will poke out to survey the situation and get scared and return into the rectum. AKA Turtlehead poker.
2) The burglar pooh: Which is like pooh stuck in the chimney when it tried to rob your house. This pooh must be greased up and pulled out. Although you may think you need law enforcement, this pooh is usually too tired to fight once it is removed.
3) The wall-flower pooh-pooh: It enters the room and immediately finds a wall to smear on. No...you can't dance with this pooh.
4) The shelf sitting pooh: You walk by any table and see a new sculpture... and no...this isn't art therapy. This pooh is also known as mountain range pooh...the natural formation is almost breathtaking.
5) The finger paint pooh: Murals of abstract brown art. If you stare at it long enough you can see flowers, trees, and faces of dead celebrities.
6) The hide and seek pooh: Ali-Ali-UM-COMFREE! I give up. I can smell you but can't find you pooh. This can be distressing pooh, especially if your social worker is coming right over.
7) The trace pooh: It lingers under fingernails and defies you to remove it because you just can't hold the elderly hand long enough to get your nail file there. I hate this pooh, I hear it laughing at me. I also fear this pooh because it can turn into....Finger up the nose pooh.
8) The bad-ass pooh: The pooh that stands up to your disenfectant, sponge, and scrub brush, and sends it packing. It is WWF kick-ass wrestle you to the ground pooh. It is the pooh you have to scrub for hours. This pooh must be a gang-member because it has tatoo'd my bathroom and made me it's b*tch. I call this pooh BUBBA and never turn my back on it.
9) Track and Field pooh: This is pooh that runs faster and longer than any other pooh. Usually you see this pooh after your ward has eaten a pound of chocolate, Triscuits, and Pea soup. Although it is a gold medal winning pooh, it is to be avoided at all costs.
10) The pebble pooh: This pooh is an escape artist, it falls out of your ward's depends and conceals itself on the carpet. Not to be confused with hide and seek pooh, this pooh prefers open spaces and looks like raisen-ettes or chocolate malt balls. This pooh is often referred to as "Houdini pooh" because it escapes from any depends and lives to be seen on stage.
11) The Sitcom pooh: This dramatic pooh loves to entertain. This is the pooh that cannot wait to take a bow before a live audience, and is always taken in front of other people.
12) The space-shuttle pooh: This pooh cannot be confused with any other pooh. This pooh is HEAVY and seems to have it's own gravitational pull. Keep your balance when dealing with this pooh. This pooh is like a black-hole and science does not know what happens to objects that this pooh consumes. AKA: Event Horizon Pooh
13) The zip-code pooh: This pooh is so large it needs it's own post-office. This pooh should receive fan-mail and usually blocks up the toilet. (AKA: Plumber pooh)
14) The Titanic Pooh: Unfortunate pooh. Left unattended and with too many flushes behind it...zip code pooh turns into Titanic pooh. This pooh has gone over the top of the porcelain barrier, ripped a gaping hole in it's side, and is sinking on the bathroom floor. This is a slip and fall risk pooh. You may need a raft or at the very least a swamp airboat to navigate the clean up.
AND LAST BUT MOST OFTEN ENCOUNTERED:
15) The disguised little SH*T: Sly and covert this pooh is a master of deceit. This pooh can cleverly mimic pooh from ANY other species or human. Once this pooh escapes the rectum it morph's into any of the following:
A) The caregiver's pooh: OMFG how could YOU have left that pooh there? You are disgusting.
B) Your dogs pooh: I swear to god we have to get rid of your dog. It has a problem!
C) Food: You gonna eat that?
D) Art Supplies: refer to Fig: 4 and Fig 5
Ok yes I can go on for hours and hours...but I'll stop there, I have to take a shower sometime.....
Ladeeda...what do you get when you cross a banana and a butter knife? I don't know either.....
Peach..Good to hear you are up and around and NOT tied up to a bed somewhere.
Ted: No problem...I'm a semi pro lurker although I don't post everywhere. I'm still learning about what everyone else thinks and lord knows I don't have the answers. My style isn't appropriate for all occasions. I'm like stand-up comic pooh...where everyone points and laughs.
To everyone...Be kind to yourselves, be kind to your elderly, laugh if you can, and by all means....do not turn your back on Bubba pooh..that would turn into Pirate pooh: Pooh that can move on it's own, sneak up behind you and plunder booty. That my friends is just TOTALLY GROSS!!
Love you guys! HB
21) Celebrity pooh: A larger than life pooh that is impressive in most ways and is always trailed by smaller pooh-parazzi.
22) Reality TV or Heiress pooh: Pooh that has outlived it's 5 minutes in the spotlight but floats at the top of the bowl. Very resistant to flushing.
23) Symphony Pooh: Pooh that is always accompanied by the sounds of a mardi-gras parade. This pooh never slips quietly into the bowl. The orchestra can perform alone without the pooh...this is called slip farts and could be the subject of another post.
24) Insomnia pooh: This is pooh every caregiver hates. This pooh's arrival is always in the middle of the night. It takes so long to get done that it takes most of the night and you are usually too wired to get back to sleep.
25) Political pooh: This pooh market's itself as something it is not. Once you vote for this pooh, it never delivers. Do not let this pooh kiss your baby. When this pooh finally gets elected....it stinks.
26) Dog Whisperer pooh: This is the pooh that looks like a small naughty dog on the carpet. No touch, no talk, no eye contact is best if you want to get close to this pooh with a paper towel. As tired as you may be...please do not keep this pooh as a pet, it cannot be housebroken. *snaps fingers* "ssssstttt"
27) Charmed pooh: This is the pooh that needs three teenage witches to banish it back to where it came from. AKA Exorcist pooh
28) Redneck pooh: This pooh doesn't care what anyone thinks. Is that a mullet? This pooh is fat and bossy. You can picture this pooh draped in a pink prom dress with it's banana boyfriend and 3 hanger on friends...the butterknife boys. This pooh doesn't take sh*t from anyone. It does what it wants.
29) The gymnastic pooh: Still an olympian...a gold medal pooh will somehow be higher on the wall than any other pooh you've seen before. This pooh seems to defy gravity.
30) The couch potato pooh: This pooh loves to sit on the sofa. This pooh can arrange itself in amazing ways. It can resemble a pot smoking teen, a football fanatic, or a napping baby. Always look where you sit. This pooh will let you sit on it's lap and you don't want that.
Ok hopefully I'm spent......whewwww
Thank you for sharing about your mom's CG attraction. It does happen so often.
This is a true story. Hand to god, no embellishment. I was a medical assistant working the back office in my 20's. My physician was an internist and his practice was strictly adults but comprised of many geriatric patients.
One of our gentlemen was Mr. Irving (last name concealed). Mr. Irving would hit on me so hard you would think he was starving man waiting for his turn at the buffet at the Golden Corral. I just laughed to myself and went on with my business...but soon his complaints were always respiratory and chest related.
The doctor comes to me and says "room 4 needs to undress from waist up and can't do it himself." I go in there and see a grinning Mr. Irving. I said "Ok Mr. Irving...lets get you ready for the doctor, he'll see you in your wheelchair but we need to take off your shirt and undershirt ok?" Mr. Irving just sat there eyes twinkling and making little sounds. I walked over unbuttoned his shirt and placed it on the chair next to us. I then went over to take off his undershirt. As I was pulling the shirt over his head, he cupped each of my "girls" in his hand and gave em a good squeeze. I was so embarrassed.
Ok so thinking I imagined the whole thing I tried to play it off...the whole time my mind was racing thinking that I must have done the maneuver wrong so that his hands couldn't go anywhere else...Gawd help me.
So exam over...physician comes to me and says.."ok help Mr. Irving get dressed." I go over and said "ready to get dressed Mr. Irving?" He nods and makes a few more grunting noises. "Put your arms up" I said to him, making real sure I stayed away from his hands. Low and behold, his paws snaked down to my "girls" and he said "honk, honk".
"MR IRVING" I gasped. "You know exactly what you are doing, don't you?, he said clear as day...."Boobies".
I will never forget that. After the exam I told the doctor about the encounter and told him that he should choose another M.A. to assist him with Mr. Irving. "What for?" the doctor asked, "He's already broken you in!"
Love ya Christina!....HB
Smooth sailing pooh: This is poop that cuts through the water like a schooner riding a good blow. This poop is full speed ahead and usually creates a splash or "wake". The smooth sailing pooh is almost like spotting the "Flying Dutchman" it is a fantasy, mythical or fabled poop because I sure haven't seen one yet.
Love HB
Whatever gets mom to eat is a good strategy. Is better to have her covered in the brownies YOU made, than the brownies SHE made.
Dinner now...potty humor later... Better go feed her before she holds you up at banana-and-butterknife point.
love HB
Headbanger, those different poohs are hilarious!! And so true!!
We were going to look at houses today but got the call this morning that hubby's mom is in the hospital with two blood clots in her lungs, stomach full of fluids, and found out possible liver cancer. They can't do a biopsy because they are afraid she will bleed to death I think. She is having pain on one side of her back and under her left breast. She's only 61. We made the two hour drive in less than two hours and then went to see her, then got something to eat and went back to the hospital and spent some more time with her and FIL and SIL. It's very upsetting. She's not been in good health for quite some time now. She's overweight and that does not help matters. Needless to say, after spending a week in the hospital with my mom, I don't like going there. I'm very worried about her. They were gonna go to Hawaii next month. That doesn't seem at all possible now. Hubby is sleeping and I am tired. We are at his parents house. We plan to spend the night tonight and go back home tomorrow after spending time with MIL as I work all day on Monday. Hubby set up my laptop for me on a TV tray and so here I sit. Packing for the night wasn't too difficult as I had not completely unpacked from our Florida trip.
love,
miz
Oh honey...I'm so sorry to hear that news. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
/hugs and much love....HB
What HB said ...
So sorry ...
Never a break for you and hubby. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Love,
Diane
HB, So many people on the sight have suggested you write a book, start a column or something, If this many people call you a "duck" then maybe you need to "quack".....Not that it is wasted on us, because you are cheaper than therapy,(did that come out wrong? lol)
Will tell ya'll about my "almost" day off. What a bunch of crap this family is... anyway, I am going to bed and read... see ya'll tomorrow
love,
miz
There is a positive side, that you have each other for support in all this family distress. I sure hope things go better, but whatever period he is going to face, he is going to have you close to him.... Be brave and a big hug!
Headbanger, I was absolutely fascinated by your work of art (I mean it, there was poetry in your essay) (poetry literally hidden amongst the sh*t) and I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry!
Find a plot and write a real book.
Ty took the kids of a local makeover to a restaurant whose doors I had lettered. Showed them going in. A split second blink of my work.
Well today the hospice nurse came to sign my mom up.,.they do this extended care service, you don't have to be exactly at death's door before they help you. Everything was fine until she mentioned the DNR form..creepy, but I get what she meant do you want to revive so they can go back to their sad existence...well no..,I guess they look at quality of life,..,anyway it is creepy I may not sign it - if it gets to a bad stage yes but not now. My mom was all antzy about the nurse visit she could not stand us talking in another room and so we sat in her bedroom and she tossed and turned like I never saw her toss and turn before,..and tried to get up and was pissing and moaning about how she can't see, well she is not all the way blind she can def see and can see us, she likes to use that as her ruse all the time. Mom is healthy physically wise but not too good at walking at all, her cane has become something she does not navigate and I either put her arms around me and move her or have her use her walker. I have to say the antibiotics have made a big difference if only I could tell between decline alz and UTI. Well anyway the nurses will start to come and check on the situation every few days it sounds..wow. She said they provide any meds dealing with the ailment and also diapey's. She mentioned a certain kind of bed..,wonder if they provide that free of charge as well? I have gotten absolutely no where with getting moved in. For one thing the damn caregiver I had would always be in my way talking to me about her problems or she was not checking on my mom or I had errands to do. Either taxes from mom and me, or doc appt for her, or dealing with learning the news on Monday I have a brand new caregiver again. Well this past week was a waste. Today was a waste, cause after I got done with mom, brought stuff from my yard at old house to put in yard at mom's house then nurse was supposed to come at 1:00 well that changed to 2:30..then it changed to 3:00 okay then she left at 5:00 then mom wanted to eat all of a sudden,..then it was 6:00 then I felt fried and lonely and sad. She said I have to be here at night, but I can't sleep on the couch or I will be useless the next day..seriously. I am the total PRINCESS AND THE PEA. If I am not warm and comfortable and can't stretch right..I cannot sleep well and will be warmed over shit the next day, and if that keeps up, will affect my health. I know..I cannot even sleep with snoring cause I am a light sleeper and if I am sleep deprived I go right down the tubes. Sigh, some people can sleep anywhere even sitting up...not I. So let's see if tommorrow is better. Stupid b/f still cannot get it into his head that I have to start moving..he thinks we can still party...what a fn selfish bstrd,.he say he gets it but then he says stuff like everything is normal still planning for get togethers at my house and evenings of fun...what a moron...he stresses me out! Glad he is busy with his kid tonight...he said she might have a sleep over at a friends and may come over but that changed and will not be coming over - good. I feel like taking a nap on the couch though,...I feel worn out...I leave my mom's house late every night so I can be sure she is asleep and go home to sleep and call her in the early morning to see if she is alright and then get myself over here.,..my house is like in stand still have not washed the dishes over there for 2 weeks they are just soaking forever...lol. Maybe tomorrow morning will do those really quick. I hope tomorrow I can go back to MOLD ABATEMENT in my old bedroom. Yeah thanks mom for cramming the room full of shit and keeping the door closed so no circulation or heat can go in there and grow mold. Well I got the bottom closed cleared out and clean from mold. Now I have to go around behind the bed and clean that wall and then there is a bookcase and there is mold of both the yucky brownish yellow but black streaks as well. I think I have t remove all the crap from the bookcase,.,.fn dolls and stuffed animals and sewing stuff and family framed photos...geezus more stuff! I am getting ruthless with the tossing and thrift shop candidates...can't keep everything.