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Ted, as a CPA and prior victim of fraud from family and other abuse, take a few preventive steps NOW. You can put a fraud watch with the credit bureaus to prevent any new credit card or bank accounts being opened with your mother's info. My husband's parents used my husbands info in the past to get a phone so they wouldn't have to pay a deposit when their credit was bad. Which meant THEIR bankruptcy got tied to OUR credit by the bureaus until we won that fight. You can also talk with a elder care lawyer about putting an announcement in newspaper with your conservatorship that no new accounts or debts can be created for this person. If you don't have a trust for your mom, consider getting one created and transfer her assets to make sure no one else can get at them without at least a pause to verify signature. Once money or property is gone, it's hard to get back.
Great! Very cathartic for me... People couldn't believe that I would talk about this and not try and hide it under the bed. My response was that I truly never want anyone to go thru what happened to me and my parents. It was devastating but made me so much stronger than before. Plus, it was nice to know I was (am) sane, LOL As a matter of fact, it was picked up by other newspapers and on the internet, any eduation we can have on that law in all states is beneficial. Caregivers especially need to be aware that some siblings will do anything! Ted and I are proof of that... Oh, just one note left out , when we went to court my sister got on the stand and said to the Judge; "And, frankly your honour, I don't even think mom has Alzheimer's." How would she, she's never been around anyone with it, including my precious little mom!
Hi guysTed I am so sorry for what you are going through you are POA that should be all you need to keep thatb ---- away from you get an order of protection that keeps her away from your home Deefer can you get samples of meds from your docs my NP gives me a bag of meds when I see her or maybe the drug companies will give you meds free when you explain your situation a friend got cancer treatments for free when her husband lost his job-they get a lot of good publicy out of it-here most companies say if you can not pay for the meds they may be able to help-it might be worth asking.
Afternoon everyone! Home and trying to get caught up on all the posts........I hate reading that some of you have all these extra burdens piled on your shoulders.....as if what's there isn't enough already.... Ted....I must agree with some of the others....sister witch didn't show up just because she misses her mother and wants to visit with her....she is up to no good. Would your mother remember if sw tried to get her to sign something? I would have an attorney get a judge to sign off on a restraining order before she tries something that can't be reversed. Christina.....you're a hoot! I was thinking "moisten" with water, but after you said that I'm not so sure now the col wouldn't try something else! Her hair hangs several inches past her shoulders, hangs in her eyes, and generally just looks like a mouse has been living in there for a while. I have tried countless times to get her to put it up but she won't. I put a clip in it on bath day, when we don't wash hair, and have to tell her the back is still damp so leave it until it dries. Otherwise right down it comes. In her mind she sees herself as very young....each time she washes her hands she comments about those "funny lines" on her arms....those would be called wrinkles and we all get them sooner or later...:) Hubby's informal retirement "get-together" last night was wonderful....about 25 friends showed up to have dinner and of course a few tears were shed....they got hold of one of his doctor's coats and they all signed and wrote him sentiments all over it. I will get him to take some pics and post them on FB....it is hilarious! Sat down at a penny machine last night and put in $20...walked away with $128....so that was a good evening. A little over a month and we will be in Vegas for our Spring trip...can't wait. Going to try for a short nap, then have to get some bills paid and get back into meds and changing the col.....sure enjoyed a couple of days without that....:) Hugz to all of you!!!!!
Mercy, what a crazy day for some of you. Ted, see there was no need for me to get a "prize" as it should go to you and stillstanding from the crap ya'll have had to put up with. Me? I would have gotten myself arrested!!!!!! How awful and stressful for you both. I can not begin to imagine that kind of stress on top of everything else. Ted, let everyone know how things turned out and what decisions you made legally. Hoping for the best outcome. Hugs to everyone.
Our social worker just left. She documented the obvious change in Grandma's demeanor. She's going to help arrange some extra help for my mother when I leave for the trip. She's a nice lady and makes us feel better about the job we are doing here for Gran. I believe she must think this house is like an asylum run by the inmates.
Ok that reference is probably too soon for stillstanding....OMFG. I can't believe what your sister did, and that there really isn't any recourse to that? That was an amazing story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can only imagine how confused you were when it was happening. That you can still look at your sister when she comes to "visit" is also amazing to me. You are one awesome person.
TED! When I last posted my little tale of woe, you were just checking back in...so much can happen between the time you write, submit, see your social worker for an hour+ and come back to check on everyone again. I can only try and HUG you with my concern for your situation. I'm glad you got mom home safely and I hope the demon seed didn't take it upon herself to make any unauthorized changes to your mother's affairs. I am outraged by people who would take advantage of the elderly, if that is indeed what she planned.
I agree with Jam and the others that it is highly unlikely that she popped in for a two hour coffee break.
I hope you get everything in order so that your guardianship is put into place so that you feel in a stronger position to say "No, you can visit with mother here, but not take her anywhere" OR "Go take a long walk, the short pier is over there".
You got some good advice from everyone here, I don't have a reference on that type of situation to add my two-cents, so you have my thoughts and support.
Rosella: You had quite a day. Seeing Rome is a dream for me. Trying to get around Rome with an elderly and a wheelchair is quite another matter. I'm glad you saw the helpful side of people. It is always quite refreshing when someone genuinely offers to help, and doesn't run off with the wheelchair.
HB, that was a very short story of what I went thru... if I shared the whole minute to minute you would really be amazed that I came out ok! My mind actually shut down in order to cope. GOD is good. My faith is only as strong as my last test, this one, I passed with flying colors.
So much going on here today! So sorry, Ted, for your troubles. I wish we could get a posse together to stand guard at your house to keep the thief away.
everyone, Thank you. Right now I am trying to pull it all together so that I don't completely lose the positive momentum I had gained in the last two weeks. Stillstanding, Ok, lets go. this kind of caregiver abuse, That's what it is, Has to be stopped. I am MORE than willing to join forces with you on the floor of frikin congress if that's what it takes. For myself, rightnow, I'm sticking to my guns and insisting that I either get complete and unarguable custody, or guardianship or control or whatever they want to call it. OR I will not subject myself to this any longer. I wish I were superman and be able to battle all the bad guys for mom but Lets face it, I WILL NOT BE A TARGET for whatever this thing, person, lowlife sh*t wants to throw at me. I am not the worlds f*cking doormat to be ripped off and treated like some kind of f*cking hired help. I want to do this for mom, and I am willing to make the sacrifices involved. But I am NOT willing to allow this SH*TBAG to mess with mom and me like this. No.
I just got off the fone with the womanSally) who got the grant for my local caregivers support group. I asked to her to be a third party witness to the lawyers meeting on thurs, ( where I will ask mom to volunterilay give full guardianship or i will revoke my POA and go live my own life) She is a local minister but said she thought it best to have a completely unknown witness and I agreed, I'll ask the lawyer tomorrow morning to have one there. Sally also suggested That I ask the Adult Protective services to have some one present in the case that I do revoke my POA, I will call and request that in the moening. In the event that I do get full gaurdianship, I will immediately request an order of protection against my sister. In the event that I do not get full authority to carry out full responsibility, I will move to hawaii, unless Bobbie needs a first mate, Sad attempt at humor I know, but i'm shot.
Ted, your attorney can use one of his assistance as a witness, if you feel comfortable with it. Guess you're about ready to take that walk with me in my garden, huh? Take care and bunches of hugs! Any clue where that coniving witch might be now?
Ted, don't know if you read my joke about New Yorkers a while back ... What's the differnce between a Yankee and a damn Yankee? A Yankee comes down south and goes back A damn Yankee comes down south and stays! In your case, she's just a damn New Yorker!!!
That would make me a damn Yankee! But I think HER damnedness goes beyond state or even national lines. I really can't thank all of you enough for being as close to my side as anyone is during this whole mess. The reason I'm so determined to have witnesses at every meeting or confrontation is because I am truly so alone in this, it really is just me, mom, the dog and the cat against the world, and i believe the thief see's that as a weakness to be exploited. Thanks for helping me through it and for being there for me to trust and rely on. You are true family to me.
HB, nobody tried to steal the wheelchair and nobody tried to steal my mother! (unfortunately) Ted, your sister is not going to steal your mother either. Trust me. I think that as you have taken care of your mother for the past many years and your sister has disappeared from the scene so long ago, everything your sister does (make your mother sign something, for example) should be easily undone by ANY lawyer. Your sister is 100% wrong and you are 100% right, it is just blatant for everyone. It's your sister who is taking risks, not you, and she could be prosecuted. I think you mustn't worry because the Law is definitely on your side, but if you make steps to have full custody you'll sleep better afterwards! Standing, what a story! It's unbelievable. I hope you have kept all the papers related to what happened, so if your sister tries to be a bitch again, you can threaten her to sue her for stalking or whatever crime it is. I am keeping all the medical records of my mother, even the visits and the prescriptions for a flu, so if in the future someone of my family will tell me I have been negligent, I have a whole body of proofs which show that I have always done my best. It's sad that we have to protect ourselves, but I understood that when money is involved people get completely crazy, so let's protect ourselves!
Thanks, Rosella, Standing's story is exactly the kind if thing I'm trying to avoid happening to mom and me. after all the abuse, threats accusations and theft the thief has already committed, i am not going to leave myself, or mom, vulnerable to any more. i know from experience what she's capable of doing and that she has absolutely no regard for how her actions effect others. She can deal with her guilt any way she wants, as long as it has nothing to do with me or my responsibility to mom. Besides, I can't handle the mental anguish and crazy emotional strain that she seems so happy to pile on top of what I already deal with day to day.
Hubby is really worried about his mom. She is up in Rockford now and he wants to get up there to see her soon. I asked him if he was really worried and he said he is trying not to think about it so I know he is worried. Her liver is enlarged. Hoping and praying they can help her. Really feel helpless. He's thinking about going before the weekend but we only have one reliable vehicle and I gotta work. Not sure what to do. I have missed so much work already. Sorry, I'm rambling. She's just too darn young for all of these health problems. Sucks. Please God don't take her. I am closer to her age than I am to hubby's. Weird.
Yes, Ted, unfortunately we have always to expect for the worse... I prefer to be pleasantly surprised when my relatives behave well, than continue to be stressed and disillusioned every time they misbehave. As you say, we are stressed enough by our life, we don't need more problems!
As far as the money thing goes, I have learned that some siblings will stop at nothing for just that...money. I could have kept it so I get the house but I didn't. I probably would have been sued. And, I'm sure not in it for the money. But looking at the houses hubby and I can afford is really depressing. Sucks. Okay, thanks for listening to me bitch.
Miz, it seems that (a) people start to have serious health problems when they are still young (b) people live up to 85-90-95 years of age with the decline that we all know. Something in the middle would be better...
Quality of life? when does that start? will I know it when it does?
Sorry, guys. I'm exhausted and tried to sleep but my head just keeps spinning around and my thoughts are mush again, and i'm angry and scared and hurt and it's like everything has just gone right back to where i was before the respite. I seriously question whether i should just chuck this all, get my name off everything, let them have thier precious trinkets and baubles and go live in tibet until i die or find nirvana.
Ted, you will know when it does or actually you will know when it ends. You will get through this and you will be okay. I promise you. We are survivors. I don't know what it is like in tibet. Could be pretty cool. ;)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What madness!
How'd the newpaper gig work for you?
Ted....I must agree with some of the others....sister witch didn't show up just because she misses her mother and wants to visit with her....she is up to no good. Would your mother remember if sw tried to get her to sign something? I would have an attorney get a judge to sign off on a restraining order before she tries something that can't be reversed.
Christina.....you're a hoot! I was thinking "moisten" with water, but after you said that I'm not so sure now the col wouldn't try something else! Her hair hangs several inches past her shoulders, hangs in her eyes, and generally just looks like a mouse has been living in there for a while. I have tried countless times to get her to put it up but she won't. I put a clip in it on bath day, when we don't wash hair, and have to tell her the back is still damp so leave it until it dries. Otherwise right down it comes. In her mind she sees herself as very young....each time she washes her hands she comments about those "funny lines" on her arms....those would be called wrinkles and we all get them sooner or later...:)
Hubby's informal retirement "get-together" last night was wonderful....about 25 friends showed up to have dinner and of course a few tears were shed....they got hold of one of his doctor's coats and they all signed and wrote him sentiments all over it. I will get him to take some pics and post them on FB....it is hilarious! Sat down at a penny machine last night and put in $20...walked away with $128....so that was a good evening. A little over a month and we will be in Vegas for our Spring trip...can't wait.
Going to try for a short nap, then have to get some bills paid and get back into meds and changing the col.....sure enjoyed a couple of days without that....:) Hugz to all of you!!!!!
Ted, let everyone know how things turned out and what decisions you made legally. Hoping for the best outcome. Hugs to everyone.
Ok that reference is probably too soon for stillstanding....OMFG. I can't believe what your sister did, and that there really isn't any recourse to that? That was an amazing story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can only imagine how confused you were when it was happening. That you can still look at your sister when she comes to "visit" is also amazing to me. You are one awesome person.
TED! When I last posted my little tale of woe, you were just checking back in...so much can happen between the time you write, submit, see your social worker for an hour+ and come back to check on everyone again. I can only try and HUG you with my concern for your situation. I'm glad you got mom home safely and I hope the demon seed didn't take it upon herself to make any unauthorized changes to your mother's affairs. I am outraged by people who would take advantage of the elderly, if that is indeed what she planned.
I agree with Jam and the others that it is highly unlikely that she popped in for a two hour coffee break.
I hope you get everything in order so that your guardianship is put into place so that you feel in a stronger position to say "No, you can visit with mother here, but not take her anywhere" OR "Go take a long walk, the short pier is over there".
You got some good advice from everyone here, I don't have a reference on that type of situation to add my two-cents, so you have my thoughts and support.
Rosella: You had quite a day. Seeing Rome is a dream for me. Trying to get around Rome with an elderly and a wheelchair is quite another matter. I'm glad you saw the helpful side of people. It is always quite refreshing when someone genuinely offers to help, and doesn't run off with the wheelchair.
I'll check in later! Love n stuff
HB
So sorry, Ted, for your troubles. I wish we could get a posse together to stand guard at your house to keep the thief away.
Stillstanding, Ok, lets go. this kind of caregiver abuse, That's what it is, Has to be stopped. I am MORE than willing to join forces with you on the floor of frikin congress if that's what it takes.
For myself, rightnow, I'm sticking to my guns and insisting that I either get complete and unarguable custody, or guardianship or control or whatever they want to call it. OR I will not subject myself to this any longer. I wish I were superman and be able to battle all the bad guys for mom but Lets face it, I WILL NOT BE A TARGET for whatever this thing, person, lowlife sh*t wants to throw at me. I am not the worlds f*cking doormat to be ripped off and treated like some kind of f*cking hired help.
I want to do this for mom, and I am willing to make the sacrifices involved. But I am NOT willing to allow this SH*TBAG to mess with mom and me like this. No.
What's the differnce between a Yankee and a damn Yankee?
A Yankee comes down south and goes back
A damn Yankee comes down south and stays!
In your case, she's just a damn New Yorker!!!
I really can't thank all of you enough for being as close to my side as anyone is during this whole mess. The reason I'm so determined to have witnesses at every meeting or confrontation is because I am truly so alone in this, it really is just me, mom, the dog and the cat against the world, and i believe the thief see's that as a weakness to be exploited.
Thanks for helping me through it and for being there for me to trust and rely on. You are true family to me.
Ted, your sister is not going to steal your mother either. Trust me.
I think that as you have taken care of your mother for the past many years and your sister has disappeared from the scene so long ago, everything your sister does (make your mother sign something, for example) should be easily undone by ANY lawyer. Your sister is 100% wrong and you are 100% right, it is just blatant for everyone. It's your sister who is taking risks, not you, and she could be prosecuted. I think you mustn't worry because the Law is definitely on your side, but if you make steps to have full custody you'll sleep better afterwards!
Standing, what a story! It's unbelievable. I hope you have kept all the papers related to what happened, so if your sister tries to be a bitch again, you can threaten her to sue her for stalking or whatever crime it is.
I am keeping all the medical records of my mother, even the visits and the prescriptions for a flu, so if in the future someone of my family will tell me I have been negligent, I have a whole body of proofs which show that I have always done my best.
It's sad that we have to protect ourselves, but I understood that when money is involved people get completely crazy, so let's protect ourselves!
Besides, I can't handle the mental anguish and crazy emotional strain that she seems so happy to pile on top of what I already deal with day to day.
Italian!
Rest tonight ...
Hey Captain. Where are you??
love,
miz
I prefer to be pleasantly surprised when my relatives behave well, than continue to be stressed and disillusioned every time they misbehave.
As you say, we are stressed enough by our life, we don't need more problems!
love,
miz
Something in the middle would be better...
Sorry, guys. I'm exhausted and tried to sleep but my head just keeps spinning around and my thoughts are mush again, and i'm angry and scared and hurt and it's like everything has just gone right back to where i was before the respite. I seriously question whether i should just chuck this all, get my name off everything, let them have thier precious trinkets and baubles and go live in tibet until i die or find nirvana.
love,
miz