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Hi Bobbie, Ted and others on this post. My heart is hurting for everyone here too. I recently found this website and, man, I am so glad I did. I can relate to EVERYTHING you guys say.
Bobbie...I think we have a similar situation, when my mom was well, she did an OK job of trying to manage the house, but things definitely piled up, but not in the places that you saw...since my mom has progressed further and further into dementia/AD, I realized how bad the house as gotten. See, my dad is an "antique dealer." Now, he has let mountains of stuff and horrible horrible house neglect take over the house!! It is now like an episode of Hoarders...So Bobbie, I totally understand when you say that you will never do this to your family...because now we have to deal with it. My dad is still pretty young, only 70, and still active, we are trying to make him start to take responsibility for it, but we know we will be doing most of not all of the work...
OMG. Bobbie, I am sitting listening to my Mother on the monitor start to cry, and I have been thinking of you so much and missing you, and you are so hurt. I am sorry. You have done so much and been here for EVERYONE. I think of you everyday and send you love and hugs. Childhood memories suck, I know. They made us who we are: compassionate, all-encompassing people, afraid for others to feel the way we do, did. The memories are so unfair, as was the treatment, but we let it all make us fantastic better people. I know that stands for something. Bobbie, YOU are so loved. Would you like to come to my house in California for a visit? We can go to the Ritz-Carlton for Margaritas, and down to Dana Point Harbor and talk to the Boats:) We can go get pedicures together and I'll take you to al the See's candy stores I know. (everyone is jealous now, and saying, "what about ME"?) There is an Improv at the Spectrum, but you probably know that. heehee I love you, Bobbie. I have never seen you in person, but I would know you anywhere, I believe. I have a picture of a sweet, smiling woman in my mind with deck shoes on, always ready for a big hug. I don't know what to say, I'm crying, and Mother is saying she never gets any attention. Got up with her 5 times last night. I feel like schiit. Guess this is not a happy day for anyone. I Love all you people here. Think of you all day long. A Force of Angels who truly care and understand each other. Hugs, Christina
good morning you all . i wrote and pour my heart out then damn internet shuts down for a bit and says sorry got lost try again , grrrrrrrr!!!! i guess im not suppose to pour my heart out . bobbie - yes i did say some dont even get on anymore , i know u did posted about the mold , hard working girl ! i prob give up trying but u kept going . youre one strong will woman ! i just misses the others that doesnt get on , when i dont hear from them in few days it makes me wonder where ar ethey are they ok ? like pamela , she never gets on anymore and i still think about her , makes u wonder and pray for them cuz they may need a prayers . bobbie- im sorry ... if u do go to christina s house i wanna go too ! ill hide in ur suitcase i bet i could fit in it , ted- ure a sweetheart . willin to drop everything and go make bobbie happy . :-) i only wish i could do that but i cant , not yet at least . i better get this send off before i end up losing this part again . keep in touch you all . we have enuff worries on our plate to worry about who doesnt response in few days or so . gives me headache when i think too much . xoxo
p.s. i thought i better hurry send that other one off , never know about losing it again . my neice said that she went to visit her dad and gma . her dad s going nuts and gma doesnt walk much anymore . theyre going crazy , nobody calls them anymore , nobody visits them anymore . breaks my heart . told my hubby about it , he said i bet ! i wanted to tell him well ure going there this weekend ! but i cant do that . he works all week and weekend is his time to relax and do nothing . i myself dont think he s feeling good , he has a bad heart that plugs up all the time . cornary artries disease . no matter how u eat or excerise well , it still gets plug up , i dont want to force him to do something and then i d regret it alater . i ll call my bro in law up and talk to him soon after i get my housework in order . meow at you all later ... oh tracy something , - welcome to this site and keep a comin back / xoxoxo
A woman on a boat with a heart of gold, love for people she has never met,has kept her sense of humor and is very respected and loved by all of us. You know we would all find places for our charges and come by the bus load to help you. I am in a wheelchair right now and even I could do something. Rolling to the curb with a garbage bag on my lap. My heart is breaking for the broken child who has done things for others because that is the woman she is in spite of all the past pain. Your choice to do the right things for the right reasons speaks volumes about you Bobbie, you are so loved. How can we help? You know we well, just let us know when and where. No suggestions on how to go about this , just lots of pure love and hugs....
Ha! LINDAHEART!!! See, I was right, I knew you would want to come along. Mostly for the See's candy, Huh? One day, we will be on the Boat, a Boat, aimlessly drifting on a calm sea, drinking Margaritas and eating chips and guacamole, watching the sun set. Then we will get up from the deck chairs, get our walkers and... JK. It won't take that long!! LOL!!!! Yee Haw!! Teasing! Zoom Out! Big Picture!!! LYMIC
Linda, There's some kind of group called "circle of caring" or something like that which goes and visits folks who have no one, I'll get more info for you and you can try to find a local group. I hate to think of these people all alone, no matter how nasty they are to others, it still breaks my heart
ted- my bil and mil lives about 80 miles up north from us . an hr and half drive . id take dad with me but he gets weaker as we drive longer and i hate to get him out of the van cuz i know i ll have a hellva time to get him back in it . as for circle of life , mom would freakout if she saw a stranger . mt mil is funny about strangers too , im thinkin to ask him to get a laptop to get his mind a going . he has never touched or operate a laptop . geeze , he s hillbillie guy , kinda reminds u of barney fifi on andy griffin . think he could operate a laptop , lol yes put handcuff on it maybe .. will call him up and see what i can do to help him out . i know what its like to be stuck at home and havin nobody to talk to , he says he dont call anyone anymore cuz he feels like he s a burden , that broke my heart . . ok injorin my housework and i have to pee real bad but i havent left this chair yet . guess i ll go pee and then pick the phone up with a new cup fresh coffee and plenty of ciggy . meow at ya all soon . xoxo christina - no not just the candy part , its the margaritta part wooohooo!well yes maybe candy too n shoppin n seafood and oh maybe we get lost on the boat , which way is usa ?? lol xoxoxo
LindaHeart: I'll steal a line from my Mother... ""WHAT ABOUT ME?! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!!!" Wouldn't you want to visit me, even if I didn't have See's candy Or Tequila in the cabinet? Be honest, Linda. And don't make me cry...
I have not slept in 20 hours, or eaten in well I guess 17/ and just got a shower dressed put on a butt load of make up..Damn Ru-Paul's Drag Show...and am waiting for FP to be hauled away for the day to go do the shopping. I will have four whole dollars to spend!!! and my mom comes in and informs me we will NOT be going any where too soon becasue "You have a Library book to pick up..." and she is not going to make a second trip! for anything that doesn't involve herself or FP and the Library won't open till 2:30..It is 8 AM now...Had this discussion last week I had then mail me the books and owe them well there goes my four dollars for the service...She will run back and forth for him, go to and home and BACK to anything he needs...me, a library book, and the library is..half a mile away. Yes. I have walked it, but not in snow/ice or in my bootie cast....Gotta get this make up off. I feel stupid and over dressed now...God Fuck You Mother with Bell On !!!!
Ad bobbie can't fall apart and go away becasue it will kill some of us who dream in terms of stealing money for airfare and showing up on her door step..."Boat step"...what can we do?...
christina ! we have got to take jsomebody with us ! we ll spoil her rotten ! she desverve it ! big hugs to u jsomebody ! ur mom just dont realize how lucky she is to have u for a daughter and a friend to lean on . gosh !! she needs to wake up and smell the fp a shit ! if i was ur mom i would say hey i have fp a credit card lets go shopping ohhh lalala . go out toe at and pamper ourself whil fp is in daycare ohh lala , but nooo she doesnt do that golly !!! win the lottery plz jsomebody ,, christina- if u dont have tequila or see candy i ll have bobbie stop along the way to get some , remmy im in suitcase hiding . :-)
And as for hording....mm burn the house down. Is a literal thought for some of us..pets and people and photographs out but and sentimental valued items then flame on...God the mess and travesty of junk one doesn't need accumulated over GENERATIONS by well meaning idiots who only had use for 1/16th of what they saved because "You never know when you could use it..." I do not do this any more! If it is use able and we don't donate it, if it is junk throw it out!!! BEH
Yes, I was in a good mood twenty five minutes ago...Idiot Me!
have a bonfire jsomebody . its nice ! material things doesnt apply me anymore . just margaritta , plenty ciggy and good food . oh yes roof over my head is always a + ... now added to the list is see;s candy . oh gosh i have to pee realy bad ! bye now xoxoox
oh jsomebody , can u just fall on the floor and look up at ur momma and cry ? why u so mean to me , dont u love me , waaaa , be like what christina said , doing her moms line , nobody loves me anymore , why u so mean to me , waa u love fp more than me waaaa . blah blah sblow ur nose for a bit then whaillll some more . see if that works ?? :-(
You know the pathetic adult child trying to get the love never got from parent..It is so not gonna happen and I so hope my abusive ass hole brother takes care of her when she gets dementia. There is just too much pain here...
Sorry--had to go make scrambled eggs, for which I am famous. Got to cook them in real butter. Linda, I already offered my place to Jen for a respite. Guess I'm not cool enough for her. Yes, she would be spoiled here, and never want to leave. Could hop on a bus to Hollywood and peddle her scripts. Get some tan on her white little bootie cast foot. I'm a bee line south. Oh well. Too bad I am just not a cool enough California big sistah for Jen. :(((
Hi everyone, sorry for those of us who are feeling lousy today. For a change, I feel rather productive. Since Mom sleeps so much, I got up at 6:30, went and had bloodwork done, went to post office, grocery store, and jogged(slow) for 30 min. I came home and looked in on her still asleep, like a contented baby. I think the "bitch session" with my brother helped, (now he's probably passing it on to some unsuspecting bystander" Oh well, what can ya do ? Hi, to Bobbie, Ted Linda , jam, ladee,still, chill, hb, christina, miz, jen, new person,
Christina..we have relatives in Cali...it isn't far enough away...I am in Washington State...Florida is as far as I can go (Stealing money for air fare) and Not need my Passport...And don't be so sure I wouldn't show up...Do you have a pool?
cool or not cool , doesnt matter , margaritta will make her cool ! feed her candy ! she ll be cool as ever ! :-) jsomebody- when i first got married , hubby was like oh wellw hatever , its all about him . i drop down on the floor and wailed like a 2 yr old , u dont love me waaa blahblah snotty nose and blew my nose etc , it was an eye opener for him . hey we all are humans and start treating one to another with respect , sit down and have a talk with ur mom and ask her why she acts like she doesnt like u etc , i would want to know why . pop the ? to her and sometimes it takes a person to make a point of view , i told my daughter what my mom told me , i raise all my 6 kids and i expected u do the same , i told my daughter i raise all my 3 kids and i expected u to do the same , she looked at me said i am raising my kids mom ! i thought ugh why didnt i tell my mom that ? my mom told me this cuz my oldest sis would dump her kids on mom . guess she thought i was going to do the same since i wanted to go swimmin with my gfriend when i was 18 . my daughter needed a break every now and then . but i wasnt going to be stuck with grandkids all the time which im not , just got pa all the time . now what ??? ask ur mom those questions , be a annoy lit girl for once , bottle it up inside just aint good ,. splurt it all out . mom mom mommy waaa .....
No Christina, just the Sunday exchange of a few choice words. The sun is out here for a change, so that is helping as well. Hi Jen, Washington to Florida, and then get on a cruise ship to the Carribean islands,
ssk - sounds like ure havin a good morning ! wonderful . i havent done anything yet ! i better get off here and go call my bil , wish me luck !! joggin is good for u , i saw on tv about how people would throw away so much money for those excerises machine , and all u have to do is dance and dance ur hindend off and poof ur fats a melting . mmmmm think i need to get on the boat and dance !!! also i heard havin lots of sex will lburn fats too , shit im too tired for that ....
Christina, I was talking about circleofcareproject.org , a non-profit orginization that I had heard about, don't really know much about them.
I did actually have a bonfire of a lot of mom's "stuff" after I placed her in the home and didn't think she would recuperate as well as she did. It was very VERY cleansing for me. Then she got better, cried that she wanted to come home, and all the guilt about burning her life's stuff got to me. Luckily, she doesn't remember any of it, not even the stuff that I did save and that she has around her now.
Bobbie: We miss you and worry about you when you're away from here. While you are dealing with PTSD and the aftermath of losing mom we are still very connected to you and want to know that you are ok. That is what we do, we watch out for each other.
You moved into the next phase of caregiving. The fallout. The myriad of decisions, the stuff and schitt that you must sort through, the feelings of loss, and the unresolved, which still causes pain from old wounds.
I speak for myself but, why not vent here when you need to share frustration and just need support? Virtual or not, there are people here who care very much about you. What happens during the grief process is still very much a caregiving issue.
If you don't have time or energy, we can respect that too. I hope you can feel the caring energy sending you love, strength and support.
Still keeping everyone else in my thoughts...I wanted to give a quick update and then I'll be gone for the rest of the day.
Operation dental compassion has been completed. The tooth has been cemented back onto the broken base and we will go from here. If "Liz" is to go to greater glory with her front teeth intact, she must now eat on plastic tableware. The dentist says that the only thing left to try is an acrylic cap, he was quite clear that this was a cosmetic fix and not expected to be permanent. Seriously I hope we don't have to go there.
For the time being grandma's wailing has ceased and she is smiling like a cheshire cat. The morning was exhausting. She is like hauling 160 lbs of dead weight and yeah...she is a creeper. Each step is a shuffle, not a true step so it felt like it took an hour just to get her from the house to the car. Slllllloooooowwww motion there.
Interestingly enough, the dental assistant there is very sweet and kind. We are the same age and our interests are similar, we share a naughty little sense of humor and crack each other up. We are both photography buffs, she actually earns from the occupation, but the interests are definately there. She wanted to speak to me after the visit. I thought she wanted to ask me to go out on location with her but no....she asked me to go on a girls cruise with her and her friends in October for a week. Heh? Say what?
I suppose every broken tooth has a silver lining. How strange.
Perhaps I shouldn't struggle so hard against my "bonds" and just relax and be open to people I meet in the course of caring for grandma. Interesting day....
Now if only I can befriend someone at Vicky's...maybe I can get my boob-slings for free!
Love to all...Christina, Ladeeda, Ssk, Jsome, Jam, Lhardebeck, stillstanding, Rossella, Ted, Austin, Cuz, Peach, Miz, Bobbie, Rip, New folks....my apology if I missed anyone...my brain is melting.
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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In the meantime I'm gonna buy some stock in a trashbag company.
I just saw Bobbie on TV!! How cool!! :))
Bobbie...I think we have a similar situation, when my mom was well, she did an OK job of trying to manage the house, but things definitely piled up, but not in the places that you saw...since my mom has progressed further and further into dementia/AD, I realized how bad the house as gotten. See, my dad is an "antique dealer." Now, he has let mountains of stuff and horrible horrible house neglect take over the house!! It is now like an episode of Hoarders...So Bobbie, I totally understand when you say that you will never do this to your family...because now we have to deal with it. My dad is still pretty young, only 70, and still active, we are trying to make him start to take responsibility for it, but we know we will be doing most of not all of the work...
I love you, Bobbie. I have never seen you in person, but I would know you anywhere, I believe. I have a picture of a sweet, smiling woman in my mind with deck shoes on, always ready for a big hug. I don't know what to say, I'm crying, and Mother is saying she never gets any attention. Got up with her 5 times last night. I feel like schiit. Guess this is not a happy day for anyone. I Love all you people here. Think of you all day long. A Force of Angels who truly care and understand each other.
Hugs, Christina
bobbie - yes i did say some dont even get on anymore , i know u did posted about the mold , hard working girl ! i prob give up trying but u kept going . youre one strong will woman !
i just misses the others that doesnt get on , when i dont hear from them in few days it makes me wonder where ar ethey are they ok ? like pamela , she never gets on anymore and i still think about her , makes u wonder and pray for them cuz they may need a prayers .
bobbie- im sorry ... if u do go to christina s house i wanna go too ! ill hide in ur suitcase i bet i could fit in it ,
ted- ure a sweetheart . willin to drop everything and go make bobbie happy . :-) i only wish i could do that but i cant , not yet at least .
i better get this send off before i end up losing this part again .
keep in touch you all . we have enuff worries on our plate to worry about who doesnt response in few days or so . gives me headache when i think too much . xoxo
my neice said that she went to visit her dad and gma . her dad s going nuts and gma doesnt walk much anymore . theyre going crazy , nobody calls them anymore , nobody visits them anymore . breaks my heart . told my hubby about it , he said i bet ! i wanted to tell him well ure going there this weekend ! but i cant do that . he works all week and weekend is his time to relax and do nothing . i myself dont think he s feeling good , he has a bad heart that plugs up all the time . cornary artries disease . no matter how u eat or excerise well , it still gets plug up , i dont want to force him to do something and then i d regret it alater .
i ll call my bro in law up and talk to him soon after i get my housework in order .
meow at you all later ...
oh tracy something , - welcome to this site and keep a comin back / xoxoxo
One day, we will be on the Boat, a Boat, aimlessly drifting on a calm sea, drinking Margaritas and eating chips and guacamole, watching the sun set. Then we will get up from the deck chairs, get our walkers and... JK. It won't take that long!! LOL!!!!
Yee Haw!! Teasing! Zoom Out! Big Picture!!! LYMIC
as for circle of life , mom would freakout if she saw a stranger . mt mil is funny about strangers too , im thinkin to ask him to get a laptop to get his mind a going . he has never touched or operate a laptop . geeze , he s hillbillie guy , kinda reminds u of barney fifi on andy griffin . think he could operate a laptop , lol yes put handcuff on it maybe ..
will call him up and see what i can do to help him out . i know what its like to be stuck at home and havin nobody to talk to , he says he dont call anyone anymore cuz he feels like he s a burden , that broke my heart . . ok injorin my housework and i have to pee real bad but i havent left this chair yet . guess i ll go pee and then pick the phone up with a new cup fresh coffee and plenty of ciggy . meow at ya all soon . xoxo
christina - no not just the candy part , its the margaritta part wooohooo!well yes maybe candy too n shoppin n seafood and oh maybe we get lost on the boat , which way is usa ?? lol xoxoxo
""WHAT ABOUT ME?! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!!!"
Wouldn't you want to visit me, even if I didn't have See's candy
Or Tequila in the cabinet?
Be honest, Linda. And don't make me cry...
christina- if u dont have tequila or see candy i ll have bobbie stop along the way to get some , remmy im in suitcase hiding . :-)
Yes, I was in a good mood twenty five minutes ago...Idiot Me!
material things doesnt apply me anymore .
just margaritta , plenty ciggy and good food .
oh yes roof over my head is always a + ...
now added to the list is see;s candy .
oh gosh i have to pee realy bad !
bye now xoxoox
see if that works ?? :-(
You know the pathetic adult child trying to get the love never got from parent..It is so not gonna happen and I so hope my abusive ass hole brother takes care of her when she gets dementia. There is just too much pain here...
Linda, I already offered my place to Jen for a respite. Guess I'm not cool enough for her. Yes, she would be spoiled here, and never want to leave. Could hop on a bus to Hollywood and peddle her scripts. Get some tan on her white little bootie cast foot. I'm a bee line south. Oh well. Too bad I am just not a cool enough California big sistah for Jen. :(((
Hi, to Bobbie, Ted Linda , jam, ladee,still, chill, hb, christina, miz, jen, new person,
I wanna know!
jsomebody- when i first got married , hubby was like oh wellw hatever , its all about him . i drop down on the floor and wailed like a 2 yr old , u dont love me waaa blahblah snotty nose and blew my nose etc , it was an eye opener for him . hey we all are humans and start treating one to another with respect ,
sit down and have a talk with ur mom and ask her why she acts like she doesnt like u etc , i would want to know why . pop the ? to her and sometimes it takes a person to make a point of view ,
i told my daughter what my mom told me , i raise all my 6 kids and i expected u do the same , i told my daughter i raise all my 3 kids and i expected u to do the same , she looked at me said i am raising my kids mom ! i thought ugh why didnt i tell my mom that ? my mom told me this cuz my oldest sis would dump her kids on mom . guess she thought i was going to do the same since i wanted to go swimmin with my gfriend when i was 18 . my daughter needed a break every now and then . but i wasnt going to be stuck with grandkids all the time which im not , just got pa all the time . now what ???
ask ur mom those questions , be a annoy lit girl for once , bottle it up inside just aint good ,. splurt it all out . mom mom mommy waaa .....
Hi Jen, Washington to Florida, and then get on a cruise ship to the Carribean islands,
i havent done anything yet ! i better get off here and go call my bil , wish me luck !!
joggin is good for u , i saw on tv about how people would throw away so much money for those excerises machine , and all u have to do is dance and dance ur hindend off and poof ur fats a melting . mmmmm think i need to get on the boat and dance !!!
also i heard havin lots of sex will lburn fats too , shit im too tired for that ....
I did actually have a bonfire of a lot of mom's "stuff" after I placed her in the home and didn't think she would recuperate as well as she did. It was very VERY cleansing for me. Then she got better, cried that she wanted to come home, and all the guilt about burning her life's stuff got to me. Luckily, she doesn't remember any of it, not even the stuff that I did save and that she has around her now.
You moved into the next phase of caregiving. The fallout. The myriad of decisions, the stuff and schitt that you must sort through, the feelings of loss, and the unresolved, which still causes pain from old wounds.
I speak for myself but, why not vent here when you need to share frustration and just need support? Virtual or not, there are people here who care very much about you. What happens during the grief process is still very much a caregiving issue.
If you don't have time or energy, we can respect that too. I hope you can feel the caring energy sending you love, strength and support.
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Still keeping everyone else in my thoughts...I wanted to give a quick update and then I'll be gone for the rest of the day.
Operation dental compassion has been completed. The tooth has been cemented back onto the broken base and we will go from here. If "Liz" is to go to greater glory with her front teeth intact, she must now eat on plastic tableware. The dentist says that the only thing left to try is an acrylic cap, he was quite clear that this was a cosmetic fix and not expected to be permanent. Seriously I hope we don't have to go there.
For the time being grandma's wailing has ceased and she is smiling like a cheshire cat. The morning was exhausting. She is like hauling 160 lbs of dead weight and yeah...she is a creeper. Each step is a shuffle, not a true step so it felt like it took an hour just to get her from the house to the car. Slllllloooooowwww motion there.
Interestingly enough, the dental assistant there is very sweet and kind. We are the same age and our interests are similar, we share a naughty little sense of humor and crack each other up. We are both photography buffs, she actually earns from the occupation, but the interests are definately there. She wanted to speak to me after the visit. I thought she wanted to ask me to go out on location with her but no....she asked me to go on a girls cruise with her and her friends in October for a week. Heh? Say what?
I suppose every broken tooth has a silver lining. How strange.
Perhaps I shouldn't struggle so hard against my "bonds" and just relax and be open to people I meet in the course of caring for grandma. Interesting day....
Now if only I can befriend someone at Vicky's...maybe I can get my boob-slings for free!
Love to all...Christina, Ladeeda, Ssk, Jsome, Jam, Lhardebeck, stillstanding, Rossella, Ted, Austin, Cuz, Peach, Miz, Bobbie, Rip, New folks....my apology if I missed anyone...my brain is melting.
HB