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Bobbie...thank you for straight shooting. One thing you said I have been saying for a while is modern medicine has made bodies that outlast the brains.
This is one of those medical dilemmas that still needs to be solved.
Allshegot: You have your hands full with 5 kids. You have a kind heart to take in someone who was down on her luck and alone, but your kids deserve their mother. 5 kids need your total attention.
BonnieO: damn girl...Oh wow. You have a great attitude about everything, I totally agree it is so frustrating when they won't just say...umm wet pants here, can I get some help? All the hiding and compounding of the problem can be maddening.
I had somewhat of a different experience taking care of my mom. I know that I was fortunate but it was the right choice for me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Granted I would do some things differently. I think we all would. I have learned a lot along the way and since then. But I certainly would not say it was the wrong choice. Each situation is different. Ya gotta make that decision yourself. :)
Update on Ruth. NH said she did not sleep at all last night and was constantly trying to get out. They have taken her off all meds. Guess they are waiting to see all the behaviors before starting any new meds. I want to go see her so bad. Just to hug her and tell her how happy I am that she is safe. More as I find anything out. love ya'll
Caregiving is just like life, a live through, survive or in some cases barely through it, and in the end we see all of the could have, should have's. But I believe that we do what we need to do at that particular time. Through caring for my dad, i have learned some valuable lessons and experience to help carry through my journey with mom. As i have done alot of relflecting through my recent breakdown and the one conclusion i have come to is that I know that I did the best that I could, although it has taken and will continue to take a toll on my own personal life and sanity, i have better idea know what i need to do to take care of me through the ordeal. Oh and let me not forget my martini and cig helps along the way..... I feel like a world wind of emotions at any point in time and one important thing to remember on this journey is that any and all feelings that we may experience are valid..... and never let anyone tell you differeent. As my sisters continue on with their lives, mine is still the same.... caretaking...... just my thoughts.....
and I may sound like a broken record but nursing homes have got to get better. My friend who recently passed was paying 6 grand a month and was afraid of caregivers, didn't get proper physical therapy, etc. etc. etc. And she didn't have family to make sure she got good care. Just a social worker. We could all live like kings on 6 grand a month, of course depending on cost of living where one is located.
hey Allshesgot ~ Check your wall. The original OBMAJ exchange occurred just after Thanksgiving if you're able to delve thru the archives. Wish it were easier but we are lucky enough to have this site. There were some behind the scenes going on as well which made the whole acronym even more appropriate.
The toothbrush Pollyanna types pop up every now & then. Surprisingly in clusters. I quit trying to explain that its not about a grimy toothbrush. That's all Amber Jane saw.
thanks so much you guys,it really did help to vent. And nobody rolled their eyes at me, that I could see anyways lol. Im seriously consiering grabbing myself a martini now that she is in bed ha ha. I already got the cigs covered. I find myself sneaking off for one of those so much more now, like I better hurry up and get a dose of nicotine before I get called upon. And then another after I leave the room. Thank goodness its warming up outside,even the sub zero temps of the last blizzard didn't detour me from getting my dose of it. Thanks for the hugs and understanding you guys. Its funny I was setting there waiting on the cat to finish its milk and my aunt looks up at me after about 5 min and says" you know, if people saw us setting here waiting on a cat to drink its milk, they'd think we had lost our minds!!!" Oh wow. She can be so cute at times. Makes ya feel bad for complaining.
rip - wasnt that aj had a profile that she has a master degree in schoolin for caregiving stuff like that , she was like oh i know it all blah blah . shit she had no clue . oh well ...
for who wants to know if u can quit ur job to care for someone . there is diffrent kinds of dementia , alz . miz ;s mom and my dad are both quite type and doesnt realy causes any pblms and you just cant bare to see them in nursing home , my dad did not belong in there he belong here at home with me . when i first got him oh my gosh it was a learning experiance and i learned to handle it and dealt with it , i lost alot of sleep and shook my head oh my gosh what did i get myself into this ! that was when his demetia was starting , it went on for 8 mos of not much sleeping cuz he would get out of the bed and fall down , wanted to do the pillow therapy ,,,,, but now he is quite and he sleeps alot and doesnt give me hard time , this man belongs here with me , nursing home sucks ! i hate that place and i sure in hell dont want my kids to put me in one .. but if im mean and i do harm , i kick i bite im devil lady , ohh plz go ahead and put me in nurisng home , cuz my mind is done dead . payin 6 thousand a month for a tough elders be well worth it . i dont regret it , i ve got to spend time with dad and enjoy him so much . daddys girl . he was so good to me raised me well . i think on the other hand , if i was raised terrible , been abuse etc by my parents , i honestly dont think i would take care of them , i say bye bye ure going nursing home ! i know 2 wrongs dont make a right . i cant picture myself carin for a abusive parents , goodnight u all , hope you have a good night sleep . xoxox
Many posts today! I read them quickly because I have to work so I missed many things, I guess! Otter, unless you are very very rich, try not to quit your job. Your mother is not ethernal and after she is gone, what are you going to do? Bobbie!!!!!!! Everyone has told you something. My impression is that, while you took care of your mom and afterwards, when you took care of your boat, you have been too much alone, and, as far as I have understood, before taking care of your mom you had a very intense social and working life. I think you should accept the invitation of your friends, the ones who belong to this thread and the ones who don't belong to this thread, and GO SEE PEOPLE! Take your cat with you and make a full immersion with people! You have a great Cuz, BTW. Let's not forget the Cuz. I think he will only be too glad to lend you an affectionate ear. I think you just have to find yourself again. (not the Bobby-child, I mean, you have to find the Bobby-woman, again) I have taken care of my mother for 2 years now, and I am helped by two people, and I continue to work, and nonetheless I feel stressed, alone, and I feel I have lost my freedom. I admire the courage of those of you who take care of a dementia/alz parent 24/7, but I guess it takes its toll, and post-traumatic stress disorder is only too normal... In order to imagine what it must be for you, I multiply my stress x 3 or 4 times. (and I shiver) I'd like to say many things to the new people, too, but I really have to work now. HB, when you wrote that when your grandma tells you to jump, you jump, otherwise she poops in her pants, I laughed for at least 10 minutes. (how do you call that poop? The "Circus poop?") The sense of humour is the only thing that can help us save our lives... Bobbie please go back to the real world! There is a good life out there, waiting for you.
Cuz, that is proof we're related. That was so sick I had to give ya a star.
Thanks everyone for all of the needed support and love. It's still early here in the boatyard and I'm going to have some kick butt coffee (hey Linda!) and then get into some trouble.
I think that I have a crew in place to help with the estate sale!!!all the garbage and trash is already gone compliments of my near death experience last June. What's left is good stuff for the sale so onward and upward.
ok, it's a new day and I have the love and support of my friends here. I can do anything! Coffee first.
I thank you again.
to the new ladies: I know I was harsh yesterday. You don't know me but I will tell you this. I won't lie to you. All caregiving sux, but Dementia caregiving is a killer. if you have an opportunity to get out of it, do it. No shame, no guilt. Yes, many, many NH are the pits but there are good, loving ones out there and you can find them. Use this site.
Rossella!! I think you have an image of me living under a bridge in this boat! I love you! i am in the real world and my life is now. as soon as I finish mom's house, I will return here to my boat and continue on. I am in the middle of some of the coolest people and most beautiful waterways on the planet. I wake up to the river and the Cat (well the Cat is first) and then some coffee in the cockpit watching the sun rise. I have visitors and guests on the boat and for some reason, people young and old think I'm fun to hang around with and seek me out for lunch and dinner. In that aspect I couldn't be luckier. I'm just stressed out about going and finishing the house and physically and mentally I am still not healed from this whole ordeal. Thank you EVERYONE for caring enough to take the time to cheer me up. It sure worked.
Very funny joke. I'm going to enjoy re-telling that one. I can remember the short ones. **************************************************** Bobbie: I can see you in my minds eye. I had a friend once who was the grand lady of our sailing club on the chesapeake bay. She was fearsome and nearly totally fearless, but once you got to know her was one of the best ladies I ever met. There wasn't anything she couldn't do but she tempered herself with good sense. She wasn't a stunt sailor but loved the race. We had many good floats together. Love the water mentality. It is a good place to heal.
Gotta run....WSGMOOTB (...."will somebody get me out of this bed?") is going to turn into WSGMOOTGDB if I don't run on the first call.
OK, Otter, here's something for you to think about.
It's a long and complex story but I'll try to be short and concise.
After my mom had a major TIA which she didn't seem to be coming back from, I moved her out of her home and into a facility. I put her home on the market immediately and came very close to a strong sale that fell through, This was just as the housing market was starting to go south. The day I got the call that the sale was not happening, I was attending my Father's funeral. Not being able to sell mom's place and watching the market dive, I rented out her house cheap, which was in pretty bad shape and needed cash that I didn't have to rehab it. Around that time my mom started to improve, and every day when I called her she would cry on the phone and literally beg to come home. My dad had told me before he died what I could expect from his estate, and so I made the decision to bring mom home, thinking she only had at most a year to live, to a rented house that was a much better set up for her and I, with room for my siblings and nieces and nephews to visit, and room for a paid caregiver and hospice when the time came.
I was still working at the time at a job I enjoyed, which I needed to pay the large rent for this good set up. One day while I was at work, mom wandered out of the house, fell into the street and gashed her face open. She was picked up and carried to the nearby Post Office by a kind stranger, and they were able to sort out where we lived and took her home and cleaned her up. i didn't find out about any of this until I got home from work.
Still expecting a good amount from my dad's estate, I made the decision that you are facing now, to quit my job and stay home with mom rather than hire a caregiver which I didn't think mom would like very much. My intention was to focus entirely on Mom's quality of life for however much longer she had.
Month's went by and money from dad's estate dribbled in, but not as much as I was expecting, None of mom's other children or family ever visited, they called maybe twice a year.
The original tenants I had rented mom's house to moved out and the next ones were absolute hell that I eventually had to go to court to evict, never having recieved a dime in rent.
I made the decision to downgrade our own rental to a two bedroom cheaper place, and didn't take the chance on renting mom's place again until I recieved some of my inheritance and fixed it up, in the hopes of getting better renters. It has been on the market the whole time with not one offer. I even tried to auction it of for just what mom owed, but no one showed up.
Mom's first major TIA was back in 2006. I still haven't recieved the full amount from my father's estate, primarily because the executrix (my sister, mom's daughter) took most of it for herself despite the will clearly stating an equal division among the children.
Since a caregiver would cost what, if not more than, I would make working, mom and I have been living strictly off of her income, hand-to-mouth. I begged my brother to intervene or help in some way and he has been clear that he has no interest in "Our Troubles" I don't have the extra cash the attorney's want as a retainer to go after my sister, and cannot find work that will allow me to care for mom also.
This morning I opened a certified letter informing that the bank is foreclosing on mom's property. I'm 47 and have been out of the work force for years, haven't been paying into my own social security, have no pension, and will no longer have a place to live when mom does eventually die.
Please think very carefully about your decision to quit your job, I can only hope that you are in a much more secure situation that I was.
bobbie.....just read your post from last night and I have to agree.....RUN!!!!!! if you can. It scares the crap out of me to think that I might have to take care of the col for years.......bring the pillow to me....:) Don't get me wrong....if I wasn't a party to caring for her now, her butt would have been in the same home as my mom, but I'm not sure I can keep this up for years. She is teetering on that midpoint in her dementia where I wish she would just fall over into full-blown craziness....I really think I could handle that better. As it is, I am so sick and tired of being told how well she can see, how she loves her hearing aids...WHY IS THE VOLUME UP SO LOUD ON BOTH OF YOUR TV's?.....change your batteries...no I just did that.......how well she can still drive, a little note here...we live right off a 2-lane state highway in a set of curves...has car traffic and BIG SEMI traffic....before we moved her down here she was driving here one morning because we were going down to the lake house for a week....wasn't showing up so I started to worry, came back in the house to try and call her and here she come's...."oh I drove past your house and JUST BACKED UP".....she backed up 1/4 mile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG what if a semi had been coming through those curves, they wouldn't have been able to stop, just would have driven right over her.....I should have seen then that her mind was really going but I thought it was just "old lady".....she gets a subject in her mind and she questions me constantly all day long...and if I don't give her the answer she wants, she gets "pissy" with me. She's a little "tottering" when she walks but tells me how steady on her feet she is....the weather is warming up....why don't you go outside and walk around your house for a little exercise....nope won't do it....then sit in this smelly little house for all I care!!!!! I'm tired of trying to get her to do things so she won't have to sit by herself with nothing but her newspaper and CNN on tv, and let me go on record right now.....I don't give a flying fig about Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan!!!!!!..... but mention anything and she says no....then I don't care if you sit here. Sometimes I would like to have lunch with my husband without dragging her along. The last time we took her somewhere nice.....last Mother's Day.....to our favorite restaurant, we let her splurge and have one weak Manhattan, she got loud, almost fell asleep in her plate and was bothering some of the other patrons. She loves to go to Red Lobster, but lately she sits and tears her food apart and tries to wrap it up in napkins to bring home to the dog. Won't do it anymore......think I'm tired and need some outdoor time? Today is supposed to be in the 50's.....going to open her doors and get the place aired out.....I just don't know how else to get rid of the smell....I know it's the carpet...which has been shampooed 3 times this winter....I'm going to rot it right off the floor....so glad I didn't go with my first instinct of hardwood floor when the place was being built. I didn't feel very well when I took her meds to her last night....and left her to put herself to bed....the smell just made me nauseous and I couldn't do it again. I know I will have a mess to clean up soon........ And yes, I am having a pity party right now.....but it will pass. I envy those of you taking care of your loved ones and enjoying it....as for me there is no field of daisies and when I get my "OBMAJ" shirt back I will wear it with pride!!!!!
HB Thanks for peeling me and my velcro cast off the walls last night. A week of isolation and fending for myself caught up with me last night and you just let me know I was thought about and cared about. I so needed that. I miss Ruth and her Ruth Vader breathing, her never ending repetitive questions, all her noises that disgust me, and her moments of clarity when we would laugh, talk about things on tv that did not make sense to her. and hearing her say her prayers in German at night. Yes, ya'll can remind me of this when I am posting later about all that getting on my nerves again. Thanks to all of you for being who you are, and at least I get to have cyber conversations.... love to all, hugs to all
JAM, you are telling my story before my broke leg and her going back to NH. I was insane when I would finally get on here to vent. I know how you feel, the constant negativity would just make me want to run screaming down the road. I posted today that I miss her, as I am isolated and fending for myself here, and yes, I said ya'll could remind me of my own craziness when she gets back. I would try to go to the porch and smoke, she would bang on the glass door, Open it up, Open it up, forever until I got up and drug my ass back inside. I will share with you a spray that I use. It is called CitruScent. The daughter is a hair stylist and uses it in her shop, and you can go to most shops or beauty supply stores and either purchase it or order some. Your situation may be too far gone, but I swear by this stuff. It doesn't mask the odor, it eliminates it. Nothing in this house smells pissy or when I set in the doorway and smoke, no cig smell in the house. It will not get you a vacation to India (sorry HB) but it will kill the odor. Hope you can find some. If not, Maybe I can send you some to try. I would switch places with you today, as I would rather be running after an unhappy argumentative alz person as opposed to being stuck in this chair with no human interaction.... I am just never happy am I? Bitch when I could walk and now Bitching because I can't....hugs to you girl, thinking of you today
jam--- i think its 5 o clock here . :-) daughter and i put dad in the shower . oh gosh cant remmyw hen it was the last time he had one ! always spnoge bath him on the toilet , oh my goodness he s all smiles and happy man ! spray down all the yuckies off him . had his hair wash ! long hair !! he needs a buzz but says no he wants it to get long . i said ok u hippy dad ! bobbie - u r place is to be on the boat my dear , its a great feeling to wake up and see aligator lurkin around ur boat wanna kitty for dinner . :-) when we was at my bro s house , in his back yard theres a big pond wow we get on the airboat and go for a joy ride wow man tons of gators every where ! saw a biggest gator layin on his back , pewey it stunk so bad and i realize its dead and all swelled up , barf . sometimes at night we go sit by the bonfire , we keep flashlight on hand , in case we see one comin up to us , lol . scary and exciting all at the same time . and lots of beers too , oh hell yes bobbie ur place is to be on the boat , makes u happy ! after all the hard work u done and it paids off . enjoy it , if u need money go clean somebodys boat with the strongest coffee and im sure they;ll pay u double ! ted-- ure a sweetheart and im sorry everything just didnt go as it suppose to , i always tell myself things happens for a reason . something better is coming my way . gotta think postive . u are where u are today it is cuz that is the route ure suppose to take . doesnt seem like it but somehow it does . i dont know why tho .... miz ! good morning . hope u find u a good place today and fall in love with it .... ladee - hope ur knee s feelin better today . sounds like ure getting bored and ready to tackle with ruth :-) hb-- have a happy smilin day , cuz - i dont get it about the last old lady couldnt reach that far ? so no stroke for her ? im trying to get it but it hasnt kicked in my head yet . 11 am here and i think i ll have me a beer ... xoxox
WOW, there are so many people struggling with this. I am overwhelmed by all your stories. My heart is aching for everyone here... Ted, I just read your comment, I can't imagine what you are going through. Now that my mom is in the NH (I am starting to catch on to the abbreviations!), I am looking for a job. My own brain fog is lifting, and I finally feel like I need to get back out there. I am torn that I am not going to be there more to see or help my mom, but we found a good NH for now. Right now, my family (well, my dad) has to private pay for it...it is absolutely INSANE...but looking for a silver lining, it actually has helped everyone in my family start to find a balance in our lives again--at least until something else major happens with mom. Today's report from the NH is that they noticed she has started pulling out her hair! I hope everyone has a good day with their loved ones! Tracy
oh hahaha miz ! u had me laughin so hard !! ohhh , i get it now , theres another meaning for stroke , ahhhhh ! wonder about the dog too did he gets to stroke it ?
Ted, thanks for sharing your story. That sux that the house has to go to foreclosure. (maybe you can rent it out for a while before the bank grabs it) just a thought. The economy's fall really hurt a lot of people! I'm stuck renting my house to pay the mortgage and don't have money to fix it up enough to sell, if anyone was interested anyway. Stinks! I just try to "think positive" to draw in more positive outcomes, but am really scared about the future. Positive in the morning after a walk, negative in the evening. I don't think any of us realized how gd long this would go on! I want a t shirt too! OBMAJ
ted -- is that house paid off ? how can a bank force u to foreclose it ? pay taxes on it ? i hope there s a way to beable to keep the house , prob dont owe too much on it ? i wish i had won the lottery and i d help u out in anyway i can . my heart goes out to u ted .. something better will come ur way like the respite did , when its all over maybe you can go back to ur old job and say ok im here plz hire me back . big hugs to you ted .. pet the cat for me . hug it too . xoxo
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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This is one of those medical dilemmas that still needs to be solved.
Allshegot: You have your hands full with 5 kids. You have a kind heart to take in someone who was down on her luck and alone, but your kids deserve their mother. 5 kids need your total attention.
BonnieO: damn girl...Oh wow. You have a great attitude about everything, I totally agree it is so frustrating when they won't just say...umm wet pants here, can I get some help? All the hiding and compounding of the problem can be maddening.
Keep venting! Much love to all...
HB
love,
miz
Check your wall.
The original OBMAJ exchange occurred just after Thanksgiving if you're able to delve thru the archives. Wish it were easier but we are lucky enough to have this site.
There were some behind the scenes going on as well which made the whole acronym even more appropriate.
The toothbrush Pollyanna types pop up every now & then. Surprisingly in clusters. I quit trying to explain that its not about a grimy toothbrush. That's all Amber Jane saw.
for who wants to know if u can quit ur job to care for someone . there is diffrent kinds of dementia , alz . miz ;s mom and my dad are both quite type and doesnt realy causes any pblms and you just cant bare to see them in nursing home , my dad did not belong in there he belong here at home with me . when i first got him oh my gosh it was a learning experiance and i learned to handle it and dealt with it , i lost alot of sleep and shook my head oh my gosh what did i get myself into this ! that was when his demetia was starting , it went on for 8 mos of not much sleeping cuz he would get out of the bed and fall down , wanted to do the pillow therapy ,,,,, but now he is quite and he sleeps alot and doesnt give me hard time , this man belongs here with me , nursing home sucks ! i hate that place and i sure in hell dont want my kids to put me in one .. but if im mean and i do harm , i kick i bite im devil lady , ohh plz go ahead and put me in nurisng home , cuz my mind is done dead . payin 6 thousand a month for a tough elders be well worth it .
i dont regret it , i ve got to spend time with dad and enjoy him so much . daddys girl . he was so good to me raised me well .
i think on the other hand , if i was raised terrible , been abuse etc by my parents , i honestly dont think i would take care of them , i say bye bye ure going nursing home ! i know 2 wrongs dont make a right . i cant picture myself carin for a abusive parents ,
goodnight u all , hope you have a good night sleep . xoxox
Otter, unless you are very very rich, try not to quit your job. Your mother is not ethernal and after she is gone, what are you going to do?
Bobbie!!!!!!!
Everyone has told you something. My impression is that, while you took care of your mom and afterwards, when you took care of your boat, you have been too much alone, and, as far as I have understood, before taking care of your mom you had a very intense social and working life. I think you should accept the invitation of your friends, the ones who belong to this thread and the ones who don't belong to this thread, and GO SEE PEOPLE! Take your cat with you and make a full immersion with people! You have a great Cuz, BTW. Let's not forget the Cuz. I think he will only be too glad to lend you an affectionate ear.
I think you just have to find yourself again. (not the Bobby-child, I mean, you have to find the Bobby-woman, again)
I have taken care of my mother for 2 years now, and I am helped by two people, and I continue to work, and nonetheless I feel stressed, alone, and I feel I have lost my freedom. I admire the courage of those of you who take care of a dementia/alz parent 24/7, but I guess it takes its toll, and post-traumatic stress disorder is only too normal... In order to imagine what it must be for you, I multiply my stress x 3 or 4 times. (and I shiver)
I'd like to say many things to the new people, too, but I really have to work now.
HB, when you wrote that when your grandma tells you to jump, you jump, otherwise she poops in her pants, I laughed for at least 10 minutes. (how do you call that poop? The "Circus poop?") The sense of humour is the only thing that can help us save our lives...
Bobbie please go back to the real world! There is a good life out there, waiting for you.
Three old ladies and their dogs
Were
Sitting on a park bench
Having
A quiet conversation
When
A flasher approached from across the park.
The
Flasher came up to the ladies,
Stood
Right in front of them
And
Opened his trench coat.
Gertrude
Immediately had a stroke.
Then
Maude also had a stroke.
But
Tillie, being older and more feeble,
Couldn't
Reach that far.
That was so sick I had to give ya a star.
Thanks everyone for all of the needed support and love.
It's still early here in the boatyard and I'm going to have some kick butt coffee (hey Linda!) and then get into some trouble.
I think that I have a crew in place to help with the estate sale!!!all the garbage and trash is already gone compliments of my near death experience last June. What's left is good stuff for the sale so onward and upward.
ok, it's a new day and I have the love and support of my friends here. I can do anything!
Coffee first.
I thank you again.
to the new ladies: I know I was harsh yesterday. You don't know me but I will tell you this. I won't lie to you. All caregiving sux, but Dementia caregiving is a killer. if you have an opportunity to get out of it, do it. No shame, no guilt.
Yes, many, many NH are the pits but there are good, loving ones out there and you can find them. Use this site.
Rossella!! I think you have an image of me living under a bridge in this boat! I love you! i am in the real world and my life is now. as soon as I finish mom's house, I will return here to my boat and continue on. I am in the middle of some of the coolest people and most beautiful waterways on the planet. I wake up to the river and the Cat (well the Cat is first) and then some coffee in the cockpit watching the sun rise. I have visitors and guests on the boat and for some reason, people young and old think I'm fun to hang around with and seek me out for lunch and dinner. In that aspect I couldn't be luckier. I'm just stressed out about going and finishing the house and physically and mentally I am still not healed from this whole ordeal. Thank you EVERYONE for caring enough to take the time to cheer me up. It sure worked.
lovbob
Very funny joke. I'm going to enjoy re-telling that one. I can remember the short ones.
****************************************************
Bobbie: I can see you in my minds eye. I had a friend once who was the grand lady of our sailing club on the chesapeake bay. She was fearsome and nearly totally fearless, but once you got to know her was one of the best ladies I ever met. There wasn't anything she couldn't do but she tempered herself with good sense. She wasn't a stunt sailor but loved the race. We had many good floats together. Love the water mentality. It is a good place to heal.
Gotta run....WSGMOOTB (...."will somebody get me out of this bed?") is going to turn into WSGMOOTGDB if I don't run on the first call.
My day has started! WAAAAHOOOOOOO!
Love,
HB
It's a long and complex story but I'll try to be short and concise.
After my mom had a major TIA which she didn't seem to be coming back from, I moved her out of her home and into a facility. I put her home on the market immediately and came very close to a strong sale that fell through, This was just as the housing market was starting to go south. The day I got the call that the sale was not happening, I was attending my Father's funeral. Not being able to sell mom's place and watching the market dive, I rented out her house cheap, which was in pretty bad shape and needed cash that I didn't have to rehab it. Around that time my mom started to improve, and every day when I called her she would cry on the phone and literally beg to come home. My dad had told me before he died what I could expect from his estate, and so I made the decision to bring mom home, thinking she only had at most a year to live, to a rented house that was a much better set up for her and I, with room for my siblings and nieces and nephews to visit, and room for a paid caregiver and hospice when the time came.
I was still working at the time at a job I enjoyed, which I needed to pay the large rent for this good set up. One day while I was at work, mom wandered out of the house, fell into the street and gashed her face open. She was picked up and carried to the nearby Post Office by a kind stranger, and they were able to sort out where we lived and took her home and cleaned her up. i didn't find out about any of this until I got home from work.
Still expecting a good amount from my dad's estate, I made the decision that you are facing now, to quit my job and stay home with mom rather than hire a caregiver which I didn't think mom would like very much. My intention was to focus entirely on Mom's quality of life for however much longer she had.
Month's went by and money from dad's estate dribbled in, but not as much as I was expecting, None of mom's other children or family ever visited, they called maybe twice a year.
The original tenants I had rented mom's house to moved out and the next ones were absolute hell that I eventually had to go to court to evict, never having recieved a dime in rent.
I made the decision to downgrade our own rental to a two bedroom cheaper place, and didn't take the chance on renting mom's place again until I recieved some of my inheritance and fixed it up, in the hopes of getting better renters. It has been on the market the whole time with not one offer. I even tried to auction it of for just what mom owed, but no one showed up.
Mom's first major TIA was back in 2006. I still haven't recieved the full amount from my father's estate, primarily because the executrix (my sister, mom's daughter) took most of it for herself despite the will clearly stating an equal division among the children.
Since a caregiver would cost what, if not more than, I would make working, mom and I have been living strictly off of her income, hand-to-mouth. I begged my brother to intervene or help in some way and he has been clear that he has no interest in "Our Troubles" I don't have the extra cash the attorney's want as a retainer to go after my sister, and cannot find work that will allow me to care for mom also.
This morning I opened a certified letter informing that the bank is foreclosing on mom's property. I'm 47 and have been out of the work force for years, haven't been paying into my own social security, have no pension, and will no longer have a place to live when mom does eventually die.
Please think very carefully about your decision to quit your job, I can only hope that you are in a much more secure situation that I was.
And yes, I am having a pity party right now.....but it will pass. I envy those of you taking care of your loved ones and enjoying it....as for me there is no field of daisies and when I get my "OBMAJ" shirt back I will wear it with pride!!!!!
Love y'all and Hugz!!!!!
JAM
I miss Ruth and her Ruth Vader breathing, her never ending repetitive questions, all her noises that disgust me, and her moments of clarity when we would laugh, talk about things on tv that did not make sense to her. and hearing her say her prayers in German at night. Yes, ya'll can remind me of this when I am posting later about all that getting on my nerves again.
Thanks to all of you for being who you are, and at least I get to have cyber conversations.... love to all, hugs to all
I would try to go to the porch and smoke, she would bang on the glass door, Open it up, Open it up, forever until I got up and drug my ass back inside.
I will share with you a spray that I use. It is called CitruScent. The daughter is a hair stylist and uses it in her shop, and you can go to most shops or beauty supply stores and either purchase it or order some. Your situation may be too far gone, but I swear by this stuff. It doesn't mask the odor, it eliminates it. Nothing in this house smells pissy or when I set in the doorway and smoke, no cig smell in the house. It will not get you a vacation to India (sorry HB) but it will kill the odor. Hope you can find some. If not, Maybe I can send you some to try. I would switch places with you today, as I would rather be running after an unhappy argumentative alz person as opposed to being stuck in this chair with no human interaction.... I am just never happy am I? Bitch when I could walk and now Bitching because I can't....hugs to you girl, thinking of you today
daughter and i put dad in the shower . oh gosh cant remmyw hen it was the last time he had one ! always spnoge bath him on the toilet , oh my goodness he s all smiles and happy man ! spray down all the yuckies off him . had his hair wash ! long hair !! he needs a buzz but says no he wants it to get long . i said ok u hippy dad !
bobbie - u r place is to be on the boat my dear , its a great feeling to wake up and see aligator lurkin around ur boat wanna kitty for dinner . :-) when we was at my bro s house , in his back yard theres a big pond wow we get on the airboat and go for a joy ride wow man tons of gators every where ! saw a biggest gator layin on his back , pewey it stunk so bad and i realize its dead and all swelled up , barf . sometimes at night we go sit by the bonfire , we keep flashlight on hand , in case we see one comin up to us , lol . scary and exciting all at the same time . and lots of beers too , oh hell yes bobbie ur place is to be on the boat , makes u happy ! after all the hard work u done and it paids off . enjoy it , if u need money go clean somebodys boat with the strongest coffee and im sure they;ll pay u double !
ted-- ure a sweetheart and im sorry everything just didnt go as it suppose to , i always tell myself things happens for a reason . something better is coming my way . gotta think postive . u are where u are today it is cuz that is the route ure suppose to take . doesnt seem like it but somehow it does . i dont know why tho ....
miz ! good morning . hope u find u a good place today and fall in love with it ....
ladee - hope ur knee s feelin better today . sounds like ure getting bored and ready to tackle with ruth :-)
hb-- have a happy smilin day ,
cuz - i dont get it about the last old lady couldnt reach that far ? so no stroke for her ? im trying to get it but it hasnt kicked in my head yet .
11 am here and i think i ll have me a beer ...
xoxox
I hope everyone has a good day with their loved ones!
Tracy
I want a t shirt too! OBMAJ
big hugs to you ted .. pet the cat for me . hug it too . xoxo