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I may regret I posted this tomorrow, but it is so easy to talk to all of you. I tried to quit drinking and smoking at night and it lasted for about 3 days. Getting intoxicated out of my mind is my only means of excape. Is it time for me to go back to work and put Mom and Dad in a NH?
Bonnie, not sure what to say. try just having a drink with dinner to relax and get on here and vent and talk more. I just watched American Idol, for lack of anything else to do. And now I'll go to sleep. ssk
Don't regret. Bonnie. This lifestyle is very isolating & will drive the sanest into a different realm. That's yours, probably not forever.
I think the only thing worse than loving someone who essentially is dying while sapping your life without meaning to, would be having a special child who will require care beyond your life span. I don't know if that makes sense. A friend has a lovable special kid, I taught special ed for years. Several of my students died. Oh the pain!
My friend is at the point where they wonder what will become of the child man when they are too old to care for him. They recently lost the grandmother who stayed in the home. Their health is failing. Yikles! What I was going or before i jagged off - the Pollyanna Disney creatures who ocassionally dot this thread & relate our strangely aging parents to children ~ simply don't understand! We have nothing to look forward to other than death. Oh, maybe more illness & weird meds ... outrageous behavior & panic episodes ... but our charges will not improve nor grow out of this 'stage'. Maybe with some medication they might mellow or find more comfort, but that's it.
No rewards & certainly nothing to look forward to. Nobody wants our parents or loved ones to die ... but there is no happy ending.
We all must cope. Thats all we can do. Even with all the help the aids provide, in the end it's the person who does the daily duties (Linda), calms their fears, helps with the dialy maintence of growing old who suffers so much. There isn't a pill nor a pillow. Maybe guts. I am amazed my battered war hero father has lasted this long. So is he. I fear the days he won't be here just as I ache that Mom died way too young. I guess how we deal with it personally is just that. How we deal with it. However we can. Please don't be hard on yourself Bonnie. The whole world is out there doing it to you already. Don;t kick yoursel. Just do your best at coping ~
Bonnie - I know what you're feeling only too well. I fear sometimes that I'm becoming an alcoholic because I can't pour a glass of wine for myself quickly enough these days. I work outside of the home during the day knowing that my job isn't done after 8 hours there. In fact, most days my work is just beginning when I walk into the door at home. Oh I've tried to find other ways to "de stress" but it's not just needing to "de stress". It is that need to escape and drinking my wine until I pass out seems the only way for me more and more frequently. Is it bad for me? Yeah. Just read the newspaper. But as Rip says, having to day in and day out watch this person that was your parent, who used to be your provider, your protector, your go to person waste away both mentally and physically is torture. I tell people all the time that I'm not sure I've done my dad any favors by taking care of him cuz if I hadn't been here, there are at least 3 times he would have died. Could I have lived with myself then? No. But knowing what I know now, I'd love to have a do over. Yes, venting here with others who truly understand what we all are going through helps but it's not escaping it. Getting so drunk that I don't think about the reality of the situation is my only true respite. Should I put my dad in a NH? Yeah, probably. The day when there is no choice seems to be looming closer and closer. Will I be able to live with myself when that happens? I don't know. I'm hoping I won't have to live through that. I pray each night that whatever divine being there is that decides when it's a person's time to go will decide to have mercy and take my dad in his sleep. I'll miss him, I'll miss all the things he does that frustrate me so, I WON'T miss the urine bags (you know what I mean Rip!) but I'll also know I did everything I could to make his last years as comfortable as they could be. I'll then toast his life with a nice glass of wine and go back to living my life, hopefully without having to join AA. Hang in there! We're here for you. Kuli
My Dad 'expired' 4 times & was brought back. Amazing man. Still has his wit. & his loyal kid. Missing you Kuli! I hope you visit me in Washington Wine Country when ... There are 87 wineries within 5 miles of home & many hiking trails. (shhhh) A 5 star medical center too!
Bonnie O ... I know I'm so new to this site, but it has helped me tremendously. The thing that I love the most is the fact that we can say ANYTHING at the time we're feeling it and not be judged. That is priceless! Where else can you do that? If I told my family and friends what I was thinking at times, they would definitely judge me. But on here ... we are all going through the same thing and we UNDERSTAND. So, no need to regret anything you posted. On days when I have a half an hour to myself before Mom gets up, I kneel down and pray this prayer .... "God, please help me to be kind, and respectful to my Mom today, not so I feel better, but because she does not deserve to deal with my bad attitude today." That little prayer has helped me many days when I thought ... I just cannot do this one more day! I know I could not do this with God's help. My husband occassionally reminds himself, and me, that we reap what we sow. I always say, "OH, GREAT ... that means some bossy little 58 yr old will be taking care of me when I get old." I hope you have a good day today! I will be thinking of you.
Welcome ppj to our home.....and yes you may definitely come here and vent, gripe, b*tch, moan, groan......the only thing we don't like is when someone tells us "shame on you" for feeling like you can't take another day or make us feel like it's all a field of daisies. There are wonderful angels here and after talking with friends I always feel that I can get through another day.
good morning to all my fussy wussy crews . :-) im fussy wussy too ! hot flashes and had to take off my shirt and wear a tank top , its cold outside and welcomed it , went out few time to cool off . woke up to a bed full of creamy soup . uhhh how about u stay in bed and i get u all cleaned up ? oh no i want to go bathroom and get cleaned up , well pa if i get u up poop will be on the floor , wheelchair all the way to bathroom and then the toilet be loaded with pop and u know what its a hellva job for me to clean . he looked at me said well ok i ll stay in bed , got him al cleaned up in bed and it was a breeze ! then took him to bathroom and double cleaned him up extra good , then he had his bfast whil i try wash out creamy pj ! finaly threw them in the washer and when it was done , couple corns came fallin out . maybe i ll find some ine the dryer all dried up . well i put dad to bed after bfast i notice his butt is raw , told him he needs to stay off his but , slop bunch cream on his butt and now he s happy man all full and clean and layinon his side watching tv . wish i could do that .... yesterday i was fussy , seems that i do everything for everybody and pick up after everybody and nobody does anything for me . there has been days i thought fk housework and just see how long it lastes , well next day it just created bigger dishes and laundry and floor nasty cat hair everywhere . mmmm ok fine i guess i ll do it . so today is another day for me to keep going , where is bobbie s coffee ? i realy realy need her coffee . waaaaaaaa . i guess when my hard work pays off i deserve to go on a road trip and nobody s stoppin me ! zoom curising on down to the barbara b ! i prob wont leave bobbie s boat , she get tired of me and maybe throw me overboard :-) or hubby would hav eto come down there and drag my ass back home so i can pick up after him again lol .... love you all , just smile and say oh it is a wonderful day to breath and my heart still kickin . and be a piss off fussy wussy on the inside . beer mmm i had enuff of it yesterday . maybe ill just go crawl back in bed ....xo
BonnieO: I wish I could put my arms around you and just hug. Caring to the extreme empties our reserves. I read your post and my heart wanted to break for you.
Welcome PPJ. Glad to see you.
I won't be around today. Hubby stayed home from work so that he could go to the doctor for a hand injury he sustained last week. We'll go to the doctor, then the xray place, then back to the doctor or wherever else...I'm sure I'll be gone all day.
Love to all! Have a wonderful day...Laugh if you can, if you can't hide all the evidence. (no that isn't a suggestion)
ppj welcome to our loving circle of love and support. You are so right, we can say anything and not be shamed. We all know how each other feels, we may have different experiances, but the feelings are the same. Keep coming back, we need you here. Not to take care of us, but to let us help take care of you.. that's what we do take care of people, things, situations , and each other...hugs to you
I have a funny story that will definitely make you laugh .... My mom got up last Sunday and said, "Is it Sunday?" (God only knows how she knew it was.) I said, "Yes." She said, "Well, we're going to church aren't we?" I said, "Mom you haven't been to church in 10 years." She said, "I GO EVERY WEEK!!!" So, I got her cleaned up and put her in the wheelchair and off to church we went. Here's the funny part .... it happened to be the day that the new pastor came, so he got up and gave a rather lengthy sermon about where he was and what he had been doing prior to him coming to this church. When he was done, he said, "It was so nice to meet all of you, and thank you so much for welcoming me into the parish." My mom responded in a very loud voice, "Thank you so much for finally shuttin up." I gave her the "evil eye" and she looked at me and screamed "WHAT???" I laugh about it now, but I was SOOO embarrassed!
Cudos to Mom ppj, I think more people should do that and she has the advantage of her age. great story...
Ok someone come on down to Texas and shoot me!!!!! I have caught myself doing this "UUNGHH' grunt when I get out of the wheelchair, A lot of " oh oh oh" trying to get my leg settled when i go to bed. Saying out loud "oh boy" please , someone come and put me out of my misery before i impose this on others.....
Kids and elders do say what we wish that we had. At my aunt's funeral, my son (who was 6 at the time) was sitting next to my weeping mother. The priest gave a lengthy eulogy about my aunt, a woman he had obviously never met, and Patch whispered loudly to my mother during the first pause for breath by the priest, "Is he done yet?" About the same time, a vase of flowers tipped over in front of the altar next to my aunt's portrait. My mother laughed through the tears and declared that obviously Aunt Jean agreed with Patch! The priest stopped in mid-sermon, and shortly afterward we all went to lunch. Helen
oh ladee ! u sound like my dad , ohh ohhh mmmm ahhh somebody help me , lol what goes around comes back around woooo . helen- i like that vase part fallin off agreein ur son ! i think i ll have my uncle do the sermon for dad , cuz he s short and quick . then its chow chow time at the church basement lol .
Afternoon to all........I've left my butt somewhere so if someone sees one please slap a stamp on it and send it my way.........taking the col to the doctor today has just worn me out......my God she argues about everything. Hubby went with me this time so he got to see for himself just how she really acts. I was not happy after the last trip because they were supposed to cut her scraggly toe nails and didn't.....got told today it was because she refused to let them......ahhhh well guess what old woman.......they were cut today and it took the nurse and doctor both to get them cut off. I told her now maybe her toes would start to lie flat again instead of being held up by her nails. While waiting for the doctor to come in hubby would talk to her and he was getting so frustrated.......she tries to act cute and say things in a baby voice. Zyprexa is out....adding additional dose of Aricept and Ativan at p.m. Talked about Aricept so I could really understand it's actions.....it will never improve her memory it MIGHT keep her from getting to the point where she is incapable of doing simple things such as feed herself, button clothes, things like that. Then we took her to Applebee's for lunch. I finally couldn't take it anymore and half-assed yelled at her. The first thing she starts is looking at dessert and we tell her after her meal.....she just couldn't make sense of the menu but said she wanted a steak, but only if we were getting one.....get one if you want one....oh no, not unless you get one too......then she starts going on about anything that is connected to alcohol.....no you can't have a drink you twit! Just a note here....the last couple of days she won't do anything unless I am doing it.....like she won't get outside for a walk unless I go.......I so wanted to look at her today and say "I feel the urge to play on the train tracks"...............all during lunch we have to remind her to lean over her plate so she will quit dropping her food in her lap. I bet hubby told her 20 times....then she asks if we are taking the steak home to feed the dogs and we went over how we don't feed our dogs people food and she is not to feed it to her dog either because of his problems and she gives us this cutesy voice "this isn't people food, it's party food" hubby is starting to boil......then when the waitress brought the check, we had already told the col we had gift cards we wanted to use, she grabbed the check and would not hand it to me and I told her to give it to me because of the gift cards and she tried to act like she was ignoring me and I finally threw my hands up and said GD hand the damn thing over..and of course I got the pissy look as she handed it to me. So off we go to pick up scripts and she says you can just wait in the car, I will go pick up my medicine. I turned and looked at her like she had grown 2 heads and for once I just couldn't think of anything to say.....that was the most ridiculous thing.....she just wanted to go into CVS and try to buy gin.....she's not fooling anyone. I can't get home fast enough....I'd had my fill for the day. Hubby told her to get her keys out to unlock her front door....oh no I'll just walk through your house....she had already tried that before we left and I finally had to ask if she needed to snoop......so he asked her the same thing and damn if she didn't get pissy with him when he told her again to get her keys out. I'm exhausted mentally. This whole thing scares me to think she might live another 10 yrs........I will run away from home if that happens. I have already stressed to my son to put me in a home if my mind is gone.....I don't want him to ruin his life by having to take care of me if I am a blubbering idiot....which I will be by the time the col leaves this world...... I think I will pretend it's 5 o'clock now.....thanks for listening to me unload.......
Jam, you've really got your hands full with the col! Exhausting. It must be rum and coke time! I've had the opposite kind of day here, my mom has slept all day, and I just lazed around as well. ssk
ssk that sounds like heaven.....I can't wait for our Vegas trip, coming up soon.....thank goodness I have a good person to watch over the col and make sure she doesn't kill my doggies....:)
Hey Everyone. Got my nails done this morning for cheap, had a really nice lunch with two ex-coworkers, ran some errands, went to work and then found out the second house we wanted to look at has also sold. OMG can we catch a break?? Hubby says it's okay there will be other houses but I was ready to get it done and they were in a nice small town North of here. Haven't heard how MIL is doing. We need to call SIL. Sorry, I'm in a pissy mood. Gonna watch a movie with hubby tonight and try to relax. He scrubbed the kitchen floor today on his hands and knees, God bless him. Actually twice cause he wanted it shinier. So I can cross that one off my mental list for now. He also baked a cake. Told him I was gonna start calling him Susie. ;)
Miz, does hubby have an older brother? LOL Sounds like you're exhausted with the home search, but my friend, think of it this way, there just weren't perfect for you guys... You WILL get the home meant just for you...Deep breath!!! :)
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!
Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Ortonville, and all the way to Clinton, and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran; raised a Lutheran; but now you are a Catholic." Ole's neighbors were relieved.... until Friday night arrived. Again the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water.... which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer; you vuz raised a deer; but now you is a walleye."
THIS IS INCREDIBLE... Read all the Numbers... Slowly and in Order!! Be Careful not to MISS ANY 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
For those of you who would like THE VERY BEST choice for President, we have a solution: It is probably time we have a woman as President. One choice is a very special lady who has just about every answer to assist in helping us to solve our problems.
PLEASE give this a thought when you have a moment...
MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT!
Very eloquently put...........don't you think?
Maxine on "Driver Safety" "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......
Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
Maxine on "The Perfect Man" "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
Maxine on "Technology Revolution" "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
------------- Maxine on "Aging"
"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
"I'm telling you ... she's the perfect candidate."
"The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals ."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?" (Now that's scary!)
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead."
If you don't forward this to ten of your friends within the next five minutes, nothing will happen, but you'll rob them of a whole bunch of much-needed laughter.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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ssk
I think the only thing worse than loving someone who essentially is dying while sapping your life without meaning to, would be having a special child who will require care beyond your life span. I don't know if that makes sense.
A friend has a lovable special kid, I taught special ed for years. Several of my students died. Oh the pain!
My friend is at the point where they wonder what will become of the child man when they are too old to care for him. They recently lost the grandmother who stayed in the home. Their health is failing.
Yikles!
What I was going or before i jagged off -
the Pollyanna Disney creatures who ocassionally dot this thread & relate our strangely aging parents to children ~ simply don't understand! We have nothing to look forward to other than death.
Oh, maybe more illness & weird meds ... outrageous behavior & panic episodes ... but our charges will not improve nor grow out of this 'stage'. Maybe with some medication they might mellow or find more comfort, but that's it.
No rewards & certainly nothing to look forward to. Nobody wants our parents or loved ones to die ... but there is no happy ending.
We all must cope. Thats all we can do. Even with all the help the aids provide, in the end it's the person who does the daily duties (Linda), calms their fears, helps with the dialy maintence of growing old who suffers so much.
There isn't a pill nor a pillow.
Maybe guts.
I am amazed my battered war hero father has lasted this long. So is he.
I fear the days he won't be here just as I ache that Mom died way too young.
I guess how we deal with it personally is just that. How we deal with it. However we can.
Please don't be hard on yourself Bonnie. The whole world is out there doing it to you already. Don;t kick yoursel.
Just do your best at coping ~
We know you are.
"de stress". It is that need to escape and drinking my wine until I pass out seems the only way for me more and more frequently. Is it bad for me? Yeah. Just read the newspaper. But as Rip says, having to day in and day out watch this person that was your parent, who used to be your provider, your protector, your go to person waste away both mentally and physically is torture. I tell people all the time that I'm not sure I've done my dad any favors by taking care of him cuz if I hadn't been here, there are at least 3 times he would have died. Could I have lived with myself then? No. But knowing what I know now, I'd love to have a do over. Yes, venting here with others who truly understand what we all are going through helps but it's not escaping it. Getting so drunk that I don't think about the reality of the situation is my only true respite. Should I put my dad in a NH? Yeah, probably. The day when there is no choice seems to be looming closer and closer. Will I be able to live with myself when that happens? I don't know. I'm hoping I won't have to live through that. I pray each night that whatever divine being there is that decides when it's a person's time to go will decide to have mercy and take my dad in his sleep. I'll miss him, I'll miss all the things he does that frustrate me so, I WON'T miss the urine bags (you know what I mean Rip!) but I'll also know I did everything I could to make his last years as comfortable as they could be. I'll then toast his life with a nice glass of wine and go back to living my life, hopefully without having to join AA. Hang in there! We're here for you. Kuli
& his loyal kid.
Missing you Kuli!
I hope you visit me in Washington Wine Country when ...
There are 87 wineries within 5 miles of home & many hiking trails. (shhhh)
A 5 star medical center too!
I'll have the guest room ready.
Cheers ....
My husband occassionally reminds himself, and me, that we reap what we sow. I always say, "OH, GREAT ... that means some bossy little 58 yr old will be taking care of me when I get old." I hope you have a good day today! I will be thinking of you.
JAM
woke up to a bed full of creamy soup . uhhh how about u stay in bed and i get u all cleaned up ? oh no i want to go bathroom and get cleaned up , well pa if i get u up poop will be on the floor , wheelchair all the way to bathroom and then the toilet be loaded with pop and u know what its a hellva job for me to clean . he looked at me said well ok i ll stay in bed , got him al cleaned up in bed and it was a breeze ! then took him to bathroom and double cleaned him up extra good ,
then he had his bfast whil i try wash out creamy pj ! finaly threw them in the washer and when it was done , couple corns came fallin out . maybe i ll find some ine the dryer all dried up .
well i put dad to bed after bfast i notice his butt is raw , told him he needs to stay off his but , slop bunch cream on his butt and now he s happy man all full and clean and layinon his side watching tv . wish i could do that ....
yesterday i was fussy , seems that i do everything for everybody and pick up after everybody and nobody does anything for me . there has been days i thought fk housework and just see how long it lastes , well next day it just created bigger dishes and laundry and floor nasty cat hair everywhere . mmmm ok fine i guess i ll do it . so today is another day for me to keep going , where is bobbie s coffee ? i realy realy need her coffee . waaaaaaaa .
i guess when my hard work pays off i deserve to go on a road trip and nobody s stoppin me ! zoom curising on down to the barbara b ! i prob wont leave bobbie s boat , she get tired of me and maybe throw me overboard :-) or hubby would hav eto come down there and drag my ass back home so i can pick up after him again lol ....
love you all , just smile and say oh it is a wonderful day to breath and my heart still kickin . and be a piss off fussy wussy on the inside . beer mmm i had enuff of it yesterday .
maybe ill just go crawl back in bed ....xo
Welcome PPJ. Glad to see you.
I won't be around today. Hubby stayed home from work so that he could go to the doctor for a hand injury he sustained last week. We'll go to the doctor, then the xray place, then back to the doctor or wherever else...I'm sure I'll be gone all day.
Love to all! Have a wonderful day...Laugh if you can, if you can't hide all the evidence. (no that isn't a suggestion)
~hb
Here's the funny part .... it happened to be the day that the new pastor came, so he got up and gave a rather lengthy sermon about where he was and what he had been doing prior to him coming to this church. When he was done, he said, "It was so nice to meet all of you, and thank you so much for welcoming me into the parish." My mom responded in a very loud voice, "Thank you so much for finally shuttin up." I gave her the "evil eye" and she looked at me and screamed "WHAT???" I laugh about it now, but I was SOOO embarrassed!
bet she wont ask again if its sunday lol .
Ok someone come on down to Texas and shoot me!!!!! I have caught myself doing this "UUNGHH' grunt when I get out of the wheelchair, A lot of " oh oh oh" trying to get my leg settled when i go to bed. Saying out loud "oh boy" please , someone come and put me out of my misery before i impose this on others.....
Helen
helen- i like that vase part fallin off agreein ur son !
i think i ll have my uncle do the sermon for dad , cuz he s short and quick . then its chow chow time at the church basement lol .
Love and Hugz to all of you,
JAM
I've had the opposite kind of day here, my mom has slept all day, and I just lazed around as well.
ssk
love,
miz
Love ya,
JAM
I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone.. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
OH, come on... take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows...
You can't kill Two Birds
with OneStone!!!
outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook
a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks
wafted over Ortonville, and all the way to Clinton, and
was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much
study, Ole attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy
water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran;
raised a Lutheran; but now you are a Catholic."
Ole's neighbors were relieved.... until Friday night
arrived. Again the wonderful aroma of grilled venison
filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors,
and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary
and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched
in amazement.
There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water.... which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer; you vuz
raised a deer; but now you is a walleye."
THIS IS INCREDIBLE... Read all the Numbers...
Slowly and in Order!!
Be Careful not to MISS ANY
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30
Scroll down ....................
TOMORROW I WILL SEND YOU
THE ABC's
It so easy to amuse people…
PLEASE give this a thought when you have a moment...
MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT!
Very eloquently put...........don't you think?
Maxine on "Driver Safety" "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......
Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
Maxine on "The Perfect Man" "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
Maxine on "Technology Revolution" "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
-------------
Maxine on "Aging"
"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
"I'm telling you ... she's the perfect candidate."
"The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals ."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?" (Now that's scary!)
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead."
If you don't forward this to ten of your friends within the next five minutes, nothing will happen, but you'll rob them of a whole bunch of much-needed laughter.
Love u guys Cuz