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Good eve everyone. i have enjoyed reading some of the very first post on this thread this afternoon. Very funny! I can relate to many of those same things from working in the nursing homes and hospitals. The grosses thing i saw was a very old woman with a bird in her woo-hoo!!!! Yes that's right i did say "a bird in her woo-hoo!!! Dead of coarse. Poor woman. They had the Dr. come into the room to take it out, as we were unsure of what it really was. Tissues are another common thing the female elder "hides". So i lmao every time i read someone complain of the multitude of tissues their elder goes through(you have no idea)!! Any ways i hope you all have a good and peaceful night.
We are heading to hubby's parents place. We spent some time with his mom and will go back tomorrow and spend some more time with her and then head back home sometime. She just doesn't understand why this is happening. And I know we know why but she's too young. I'm worried about her will to live. She is just so tired and has been tired for so long and they plan to start chemo tomorrow and I know that will make her more tired and probably sick. I told her I want her to fight and that so many people are praying for her and love her. And she said she knows. We shall see. Breaks my heart. Thanks for listening to me everyone. I feel like all I have had to say lately is bad stuff. Just some bad times I guess. Love yous!! Thank God for yous!!
Little wee postie to let you all know I think I'm fine. I've just been sleeping a whole lot. I better get sleep now because the plane leaves on Thursday with my ass on it. I will leave Tuesday to head to my daughter's house. Thank you for all the well wishes. I really think they help.
*************************** Ladeeda: I'm so glad the freak family is taking care of you. I didn't have much faith in them, but I guess you just never know about people. I hope you had a great time out.
BonnieO: Damn girl! Congratulations on your weight loss. That is something special. I'm looking down the barrel at losing 30 and I don't know if I have it in me anymore. I just hope spring temperatures help me to move my buns on days I don't take care of grandma.
Miz: I'm thinking of you constantly and sending tons of hope and hugs to your family.
Christina: I'm glad your CG is working out. That is just awesome for you. I've been all passed out guess I'm trying to recharge. How is your floor working out?
Stillstanding: Hope you are doing ok with your mom.
Austin: I love Maxine. I vote for Maxine for president.
Hugs n love to all..Bobbie, Peach, Jsome, JAM, Cuz, PP7, Allshegot, Pirate, Ted, Rip, SSk, hope I didn't miss anyone.
I'm going to miss you all while I'm gone. I'll have so many posts to read when I get back! I will be holding you all in my heart and praying for your load to be light.
Don't know about any body else but I am finding the text a leetle hard to read...and I already have glasses...
Hope all are well. Same BS here, sick again with E-coli like symptoms been washing and spraying everything ...but "the source" who does not intend to wash his hands till I don't know The Forth!? Was so bad mom threw away left overs...This is simply not done here. so it was really really bad...No interest in my assessment of the causation so why bother. But I notice she has run out of feeling remotely happy family crap any more and she has only had two whole months of him 24/7! and I got a bleach stain on one of his shirts yes I am going to hell!
miz I am so sorry to hear that things are not good. And sweetie you have not been saying bad stuff you are saying real stuff. And you and your husband and mil are hurt, sad, confused, and all that goes with such bad news. We are here for you, so just keep telling us what is going on, we are worried about you. You and your family are in my prayers and hugs to all. No magic words, just know you are loved...
Thank God for each and everyone of you. This is the only place that truly understands everything we go through each and every day. Today has been really hard for me....trying to smile on the outside, but crying on the inside...daughter left over 2 years ago...let behind 2 beautiful children and today is her birthday. Thought she would come to her senses and come home by now...but doesn't even talk to anyone here.....made it through the daylight hours but at night when everything settles down and I am alone with my thoughts it is very, very hard. Love you guys...so glad I found you.
Bonnie , I am hugging you across the miles. My mom used to say "when they are little they step on your toes, when they are grown they step on your heart". Am going thru something similiar with my son, so we are just confused moms with no answers for ourselves or the little ones. Just know you are not alone. All I can do is stay sane, and let God tend to the details. Feelings are not right or wrong, it;s just what we feel. thinking of you tonite....
ladee .. my mom used to tell me that , they would step on my toes when theyre little but when they grew up they stomp on my heart ! wow thats a ringin in my ears . when my daughter turned into teenager and treated me with no respect , i bawled and whaillled u step on my toes when u were little and now ure stompin on my heart waaaaaaaaaaaaaa . cried like a baby , u love ur friends u treat ur friends better than u do to me waaaaaaaaaaaa , i keep u warm when ure cold , i feed u when ure hungry , i love on u when ure sick , does ur friends do any of that ? boy oh boy my daughter woke up that day and we ve been best friends ever :-) bonnie 0- my sister turned her back on mom i dont know how many times but she manage to come back and now she cant come back cuz mom is gone for good ! they re the ones to be sorry , u just love on ur grandkids and hope for the best , one left ya and u gain 2 hearts to love . just got back from viewing , gosh i havent seen those poeople over 35 yrs ! damn holy crap we are old now ! jsomebody- hope u dont get hell over bleach on fp s clothes , if u do put some on ur moms clothes and tell her u have no idea how that happen . blame it on fp . miz - the lady died of cancer shes 82 yrs old , her hubby was tellin me earlier that they have no ins and it cost so much money for chemo and therpary , cost too much to fight the cancer and the cancer just spreads wildfire . says too many people are without a job and too many are going hungry cuz too many stuff as gone high prices , he said she was better off to go to another better place , i said yes she s better off , he said he s going to be join her real soon and he s lookin fwrd to that . he had a heart attack few days ago , refuse to go hospital , hes ready to die !!! he looked at me said see this room / i said yes he said 20 thousand dollars just for this room f or 2 days , aint that crazy . i about fell over ! ell if i die just bury me in my back yard plz . have my body showing in the barn and have a partaaayyyy . keg beers everybody ! bring a dish plz . then bury me behind the barn along with my cats and dogs and god knows what eles . goodnight u all , love you bunches , xoxoxo
Linda H ~ I was going to write something, nothing profound, - read your comment ... forgot my thought. Lady Linda, you're amazing! Broke my heart but found some peace as well ...
Called our Deefer. always a fun conversation! Things aren't great but she handles it all with grace.
I want to kidnap & major pamper spa that gal! Have someone rub her feet, serve her a fresh meal & snug her away in fresh clean sheets in a sound proof room - a simple night without interrupted sleep.
for now .... G'Night Deef
Lights out in this small piece of the West Coast ... g'Night Thread!
Linda, I am so sorry the lady passed away. What they charge at hospitals is a crime. MIL and FIL are gonna have one hell of a bill. And get this, ya gotta pay to park at the hospital to visit her!! That's so unethical to me I can't see straight. Feel like writing a letter to the hospital. Dang!! It's always something!!
I guess they are not going to start chemo today. They gotta move her to the chemo end of the floor she is on and they also wanna do a spinal tap to make sure everything is okay there. FIL and SIL are already at the hospital and we are heading that way. Thanks again everyone for your love, caring and support. It means more to me than you know. We got to see hubby's cousin last night and that was nice. She got a laptop and didn't know if she could get on line with it. She can so it's all good. We're taking the two lane way to the hospital. Is it kuli that lives near Chicago?? This route takes us through Aurora. Still trying to figure out where we want to live. So anyways, that's how my day is starting out. Will keep you posted. Love yous!!
Hi Miz, glad you checked in. I hope the hospital visit goes well today. At the hospital here, there is always a parking issue. But we don't have to pay to park, that's so annoying. My brother who usually comes to give me a break on Sunday is away, so I'm here. My mom still sleeps so much that I can go out for walks, and skip to the corner store for 15 min so I'm not totally trapped (just partially trapped) hope all ae doing ok today ssk
Daughters are like snowflakes. Never are two the same. Even in the same family they are so different. I have 2 snowflakes and they are light years apart in what they think, and who they are. One speaks to me, the other one doesn't. That's a story for another day.
What kind of snowflake am I?
Today I'm watching grandma so mom can go to church. I'd forgotten about having to do this but I threw on my clothes, put off my laundry duties and came up the steps. Mom is delightedly telling me all the details that a tired brain wants to ignore...when grandma last ate, when she last pooped AND how much (really??? Seriously she was using her fingers to show how big it was!) and what time she got up.
OMG I wish she would just shut-up already and just leave. None of her blabbing changes anything with my experience with grandma.
You see mom..... 5 minutes after you leave she'll have to use the bathroom, regardless of when you last took her.
15 minutes after you are gone she will call for YOU to feed her because she can't remember you are gone, and she can't remember when she last ate. I'll give her some crackers.
30 minutes after you left she will AGAIN need to use the bathroom but this time she'll call me. She wants to know where you are mom...you went to church without her...you sneaky piece of crap. I have to concoct all kinds of stories to pacify her..."It's too cold. It's too wet. Mom will be home soon". I have to save you Mom...Grandma is angry, you wouldn't like her when she is angry!
45 minutes after you left she will again tell me that YOU didn't feed her (OMG this is the funny one since she normally says this about me) and that she is hungry, since I am not going to keep giving her snacks she will start with her repetitious story-looping to punish me for having ears. (I really think the government should look into using grandma for a torture device).
An hour after you have left, I start drooling uncontrollably from the right side of my mouth. Grandma is in her 5th rendition of "I thought my Mother was a Queen" and during the 6th she will again need to use the bathroom, this is where you may find us IF you decide to come straight home from mass, otherwise the above scenario will repeat itself over and over until you do return.
So please don't try and saturate my already saturated brain. Your words are like run-off into a sediment pond and my pond is already overflowing. My brain feels like scrapple.
*******************************
Happy Sunday everyone. I hope your day is restful and your elderly are kind to you. BonnieO...I hope EVERYONE is kind to you. Same goes for Allshegot.
Miz: Still thinking about you. If prayers turned into angels you'd have a bunch of them surrounding you and hubby today.
I have to run....it is time for grandma to "discover" that mom is gone. "That b*tch....she went to church without me? UGH...Bargh, sputter..shew shew..I have to poop now, get me my chair."
Funny how my relationship with my mother has changed since I started co-caring for grandma. Since we've been sharing care for her I've noticed that we rarely spend time together just my mother and me.
I feel like a tag-team wrestler. Tag you're in, tag I'm out....it is hard for us to maintain kind of relationship together that doesn't include grandma. Grandma is so time consuming that we just want to run off and be ourselves when we aren't on duty.
I have to remind myself to love and honor my own mother. Especially now while she still has half of her marbles left. *LOL* I hope that we can re-establish our closeness once our service has been completed.
Just my ramblings...
It seems so easy to lose touch with anyone else in our lives once caregiving begins. From the outside looking in people wonder why we look so tired.
Rarely are the onlookers aware enough to place themselves in our shoes for more than an hour, if at all, to experience how stress filled, emotionally draining, and physically demanding caregiving can be. They have no concept of the well-spring of patience that is required to provide long term care and how fragile the caring eco-system can be. Even the deepest wells can run dry.
The friends I have made here at GROSSED prime my well. You guys recharge my spark when there is no charge left in my battery. You guys amaze me, inspire me, make me laugh, and make me cry. You guys hug me and comfort me and allow me to do the same.
You are an amazing group of folks. Thanks for being there for me. Love to you all! HB
Hey crew, Really need a bunch of prayers for me on tuesday! just found out the "sick" little sister is coming up to see my parents. My brother said the other day that I needed to come with them so (we) could get passed this issue. I found myself raising my voice with alot of anger still, and told him (we) is not me... Until she comes to me and says she is sorry for putting me, mother and dad through hell and say she is willing to get some help from a counselor I don't even want to see her face! It's been two years and she has only seen my parents twice since then. (Oh, by the way, she lives only two and half hours away) She can use me as an excuse for her unhappiness but if only she could understand that we are all responsible for our own happiness!!! I need strength to survive this test...
Still I have two crazy sisters so I certainly understand how you are feeling. After what she put you thru, you are under no obligation to "meet her half way". Your anger is understandable. Why isn't your brother talking to her about coming to apologize and get some help??? And you are right, we are all responsible for our own happiness. I am much happier not having to contend with the crazy sisters, and people can say what they want, the fact we are related by blood does not obligate me to be abused. Stand up for your self, follow your gut and know I am here for you. Hugs for you today....some things never change.
Thanks.. As for my brother, he only comes by or calls when he needs money or to use my father for something else! oh, and by the way, he lives only seven minutes from the house!!! Get this, when I say something about how tired I am or just share a feeling about mom, his comment is, "Oh, I know how you feel"... hell no you don't!!! If he had to stay with mom for just four hours, he would fold. What a joke. I don't trust my sil, liar, thief, you name it. Can't even trust her in the house without myself or dad being here!!! In a way I think that God gave me the out to go to my friends' funeral while they go out and eat that way I don't have to worry about her getting into anything in the home. I just truly don't even want to see her face. I'm afraid I'd give her a free cosmetic adjustment, LOL
Stillstanding: You always have my unwavering support. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It would be nice if you could find some sort of truce with your sis, but more likely you'll need to open a can of b*tch smack and put her down.
Better yet, pull a dog whisper on her. No touch, no talk, no eye contact. If she gives you any schitt then correct her with a "sssssttttt" and tap her with your foot. After a few repetitions, she'll be so confused she'll forget why she came to see you.
HB is your suitcase packed yet?? Did you have room for your really big bras? I am so excited for you, I'll be waving from the front porch the morning you leave. love and hugs...
Miz has been texting me about her mil. Angels to Miz and her husband and her mil and family.
Angels also please to my Uncle J and Aunt C. He's starting on hospice for congestive heart failure. His wife is my birth mom and everything has always been tough when it came to keeping any kind of relationship with her. I always ended up getting the shaft and she really acted out right before my mom died and threatened me with jail among other things. When her cat died she wanted to know if I was ready to let go of my mom like she had to let go of her cat. no kidding. It made me think that she had some kind of dementia because no one in their right mind would say such a thing. don't look at me. Been there and done that. No way I'm getting roped into being a caregiver again. Here's the rub: after writing a horrid letter to me on the eve of mom and my departure from LA to home so mom could die, I finally put what I was feeling into words and sent it to her. I asked her if this was really how she wanted this to go and and that we didn't have much time and she wrote that she was fine and had the support of Jesus Christ, etc etc. So I gave up. Now she wants to call me and I am freaking out because she REALLY upsets me. I feel so bad for them both but man this story goes back to way before I was born and I have had to hear stuff that just screwed me up and makes me so sad. This lady has been hateful to me and my mom and dad and now her husband is in hospice and my shoulders are up around my ears with dread. I can't dread too many things at the same time. I already am dreading going north to finish up the stuff and now more dread. Wish I was a dreadnought, har har.
anyway that's my Sunday and my love to all of you who are dealing with the sunday poop marathon.
HB: no one but the initiated gets the poop situation. everything is about the poop and girl I know that it do get old with the doo doo. Mom was about 4-5 times an hour with all that went with that. Just sitting there because she already went but forgot, fighting all the way with the pants up and pants down and I always kept my cool with her even when I walked in and she had moved in the 15 seconds that I had turned my back and she was standing in it with it on her and between her toes. Nobody gets it and if you say anything about it you're 'disrespecting' your elder. Oh Bite Me. Before I wash the poop off......... lovbob
I still have to do some laundry. I have to launder the bras individually since they are sooooo big. I still don't know if I can take all I want to AND take these bras too! (not really but I'm game to play along).
Guess it is time to get some stuff ready....see you guys in a while.
I think some people, just like some things, you need to let go of. I tried for years to deal with a selfish, demanding sibling who was constanly calling me with his daily crap. I listened for years while he often raged at me & blamed the world for his stupid choices. Money was - is his main motivation he was always screwing that up too. Sad since he could be a decent guy - yet when I finally stopped answering his nasty calls - my world became calmer. Yes, I am criticized often for being the bad one by not talking to him, yet these people have never been his victim. Others understand perfectly. Even some of those innocent strangers like waiters, airline workers, his own clients have been targets of his humiliating behavior. I chose to remove myself from his arena.
I'm not one to offer much advice but I heartfully endorse keeping those types far away. Forget the guilt. You didn't earn it & shouldn't wear it. Those people usually reach out for forgivness when they are in dire need. Oblivious to the misery they caused. Life is all about them & their ocassional token attempts at kindness.
Don't feel bad ... save yourselves, ourselves & perserve what little sanity we still possess.
Bobbie,, your bmom said she was fine, she had Jesus, so no need for her to talk to you is there? I would think He can meet all her needs. No need to call on you now. You already have your plate full.....one foot in front of the other, and try not to get one stuck up someone's butt for being too close in front of you... Hugs
thanks Rip the Stitch and Ladeeda. Nicely stated both of you. I am obviously very uncomfortable in this situation. i want to love her so badly and every time I get it in the chops.
I know that I have not been as verbally supportive as in the past to others because I am swimming in my own gravy here. Thanks for your understanding and patience. BOAT! lovbob
Bobbie: You did what you needed to do for your mom, the one that raised you. You need time to heal and get some of your own health and strength back.
The situation sounds complex and the emotions even more so, but my thinking is that B-Mom needs to draw support from another source. You need not feel guilt about keeping your nose far from that, the way you described it, I wonder if you'd feel anything but used and abused in the end. Personally I wouldn't take those calls if she is so hateful and suddenly so needy.
Some things are better let go. Enjoy your boat, the company of friends, and enjoy your life. You deserve that. You do not have to sign up for service in a war zone.
We KNOW you're there, Bobbie! Are grateful you are. It's tough not being able to help you out. I have all the images like Rossella polishing brass, etc.
I need to go turn down a gunfight in the living room. It's western day on TV - I'd like to make a phone call ...
PS Bobbie & others ... We will find fun & humor again someday. I miss being funny - too much uncertain, unfunny stuff weighing me down lately. I know you all know.
HB, that's funny... I have found myself looking at mother at times and saying, "sit" or "leave It", guess I spend too much time with my dog clients, ha! the real funny thing is that she sometimes listens to me!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
love,
miz
***************************
Ladeeda: I'm so glad the freak family is taking care of you. I didn't have much faith in them, but I guess you just never know about people. I hope you had a great time out.
BonnieO: Damn girl! Congratulations on your weight loss. That is something special. I'm looking down the barrel at losing 30 and I don't know if I have it in me anymore. I just hope spring temperatures help me to move my buns on days I don't take care of grandma.
Miz: I'm thinking of you constantly and sending tons of hope and hugs to your family.
Christina: I'm glad your CG is working out. That is just awesome for you. I've been all passed out guess I'm trying to recharge. How is your floor working out?
Stillstanding: Hope you are doing ok with your mom.
Austin: I love Maxine. I vote for Maxine for president.
Hugs n love to all..Bobbie, Peach, Jsome, JAM, Cuz, PP7, Allshegot, Pirate, Ted, Rip, SSk, hope I didn't miss anyone.
I'm going to miss you all while I'm gone. I'll have so many posts to read when I get back! I will be holding you all in my heart and praying for your load to be light.
HUGS N STUFF
HB
Hope all are well. Same BS here, sick again with E-coli like symptoms been washing and spraying everything ...but "the source" who does not intend to wash his hands till I don't know The Forth!? Was so bad mom threw away left overs...This is simply not done here. so it was really really bad...No interest in my assessment of the causation so why bother. But I notice she has run out of feeling remotely happy family crap any more and she has only had two whole months of him 24/7! and I got a bleach stain on one of his shirts yes I am going to hell!
Today has been really hard for me....trying to smile on the outside, but crying on the inside...daughter left over 2 years ago...let behind 2 beautiful children and today is her birthday. Thought she would come to her senses and come home by now...but doesn't even talk to anyone here.....made it through the daylight hours but at night when everything settles down and I am alone with my thoughts it is very, very hard. Love you guys...so glad I found you.
bonnie 0- my sister turned her back on mom i dont know how many times but she manage to come back and now she cant come back cuz mom is gone for good ! they re the ones to be sorry , u just love on ur grandkids and hope for the best , one left ya and u gain 2 hearts to love .
just got back from viewing , gosh i havent seen those poeople over 35 yrs ! damn holy crap we are old now !
jsomebody- hope u dont get hell over bleach on fp s clothes , if u do put some on ur moms clothes and tell her u have no idea how that happen . blame it on fp .
miz - the lady died of cancer shes 82 yrs old , her hubby was tellin me earlier that they have no ins and it cost so much money for chemo and therpary , cost too much to fight the cancer and the cancer just spreads wildfire . says too many people are without a job and too many are going hungry cuz too many stuff as gone high prices , he said she was better off to go to another better place , i said yes she s better off , he said he s going to be join her real soon and he s lookin fwrd to that . he had a heart attack few days ago , refuse to go hospital , hes ready to die !!! he looked at me said see this room / i said yes he said 20 thousand dollars just for this room f or 2 days , aint that crazy . i about fell over !
ell if i die just bury me in my back yard plz . have my body showing in the barn and have a partaaayyyy . keg beers everybody ! bring a dish plz . then bury me behind the barn along with my cats and dogs and god knows what eles .
goodnight u all , love you bunches , xoxoxo
I was going to write something, nothing profound, - read your comment ...
forgot my thought.
Lady Linda, you're amazing!
Broke my heart but found some peace as well ...
Called our Deefer. always a fun conversation! Things aren't great but she handles it all with grace.
I want to kidnap & major pamper spa that gal! Have someone rub her feet, serve her a fresh meal & snug her away in fresh clean sheets in a sound proof room - a simple night without interrupted sleep.
for now ....
G'Night Deef
Lights out in this small piece of the West Coast ...
g'Night Thread!
Rip
I guess they are not going to start chemo today. They gotta move her to the chemo end of the floor she is on and they also wanna do a spinal tap to make sure everything is okay there. FIL and SIL are already at the hospital and we are heading that way. Thanks again everyone for your love, caring and support. It means more to me than you know. We got to see hubby's cousin last night and that was nice. She got a laptop and didn't know if she could get on line with it. She can so it's all good. We're taking the two lane way to the hospital. Is it kuli that lives near Chicago?? This route takes us through Aurora. Still trying to figure out where we want to live. So anyways, that's how my day is starting out. Will keep you posted. Love yous!!
miz
My brother who usually comes to give me a break on Sunday is away, so I'm here. My mom still sleeps so much that I can go out for walks, and skip to the corner store for 15 min so I'm not totally trapped (just partially trapped)
hope all ae doing ok today
ssk
Daughters are like snowflakes. Never are two the same. Even in the same family they are so different. I have 2 snowflakes and they are light years apart in what they think, and who they are. One speaks to me, the other one doesn't. That's a story for another day.
What kind of snowflake am I?
Today I'm watching grandma so mom can go to church. I'd forgotten about having to do this but I threw on my clothes, put off my laundry duties and came up the steps. Mom is delightedly telling me all the details that a tired brain wants to ignore...when grandma last ate, when she last pooped AND how much (really??? Seriously she was using her fingers to show how big it was!) and what time she got up.
OMG I wish she would just shut-up already and just leave. None of her blabbing changes anything with my experience with grandma.
You see mom.....
5 minutes after you leave she'll have to use the bathroom, regardless of when you last took her.
15 minutes after you are gone she will call for YOU to feed her because she can't remember you are gone, and she can't remember when she last ate. I'll give her some crackers.
30 minutes after you left she will AGAIN need to use the bathroom but this time she'll call me. She wants to know where you are mom...you went to church without her...you sneaky piece of crap. I have to concoct all kinds of stories to pacify her..."It's too cold. It's too wet. Mom will be home soon". I have to save you Mom...Grandma is angry, you wouldn't like her when she is angry!
45 minutes after you left she will again tell me that YOU didn't feed her (OMG this is the funny one since she normally says this about me) and that she is hungry, since I am not going to keep giving her snacks she will start with her repetitious story-looping to punish me for having ears. (I really think the government should look into using grandma for a torture device).
An hour after you have left, I start drooling uncontrollably from the right side of my mouth. Grandma is in her 5th rendition of "I thought my Mother was a Queen" and during the 6th she will again need to use the bathroom, this is where you may find us IF you decide to come straight home from mass, otherwise the above scenario will repeat itself over and over until you do return.
So please don't try and saturate my already saturated brain. Your words are like run-off into a sediment pond and my pond is already overflowing. My brain feels like scrapple.
*******************************
Happy Sunday everyone. I hope your day is restful and your elderly are kind to you. BonnieO...I hope EVERYONE is kind to you. Same goes for Allshegot.
Miz: Still thinking about you. If prayers turned into angels you'd have a bunch of them surrounding you and hubby today.
I have to run....it is time for grandma to "discover" that mom is gone. "That b*tch....she went to church without me? UGH...Bargh, sputter..shew shew..I have to poop now, get me my chair."
So hugs all round!
LOVE HB
Funny how my relationship with my mother has changed since I started co-caring for grandma. Since we've been sharing care for her I've noticed that we rarely spend time together just my mother and me.
I feel like a tag-team wrestler. Tag you're in, tag I'm out....it is hard for us to maintain kind of relationship together that doesn't include grandma. Grandma is so time consuming that we just want to run off and be ourselves when we aren't on duty.
I have to remind myself to love and honor my own mother. Especially now while she still has half of her marbles left. *LOL* I hope that we can re-establish our closeness once our service has been completed.
Just my ramblings...
It seems so easy to lose touch with anyone else in our lives once caregiving begins. From the outside looking in people wonder why we look so tired.
Rarely are the onlookers aware enough to place themselves in our shoes for more than an hour, if at all, to experience how stress filled, emotionally draining, and physically demanding caregiving can be. They have no concept of the well-spring of patience that is required to provide long term care and how fragile the caring eco-system can be. Even the deepest wells can run dry.
The friends I have made here at GROSSED prime my well. You guys recharge my spark when there is no charge left in my battery. You guys amaze me, inspire me, make me laugh, and make me cry. You guys hug me and comfort me and allow me to do the same.
You are an amazing group of folks. Thanks for being there for me. Love to you all!
HB
Really need a bunch of prayers for me on tuesday! just found out the "sick" little sister is coming up to see my parents. My brother said the other day that I needed to come with them so (we) could get passed this issue. I found myself raising my voice with alot of anger still, and told him (we) is not me... Until she comes to me and says she is sorry for putting me, mother and dad through hell and say she is willing to get some help from a counselor I don't even want to see her face! It's been two years and she has only seen my parents twice since then. (Oh, by the way, she lives only two and half hours away) She can use me as an excuse for her unhappiness but if only she could understand that we are all responsible for our own happiness!!! I need strength to survive this test...
Better yet, pull a dog whisper on her. No touch, no talk, no eye contact. If she gives you any schitt then correct her with a "sssssttttt" and tap her with your foot. After a few repetitions, she'll be so confused she'll forget why she came to see you.
Love you! HB
Miz has been texting me about her mil.
Angels to Miz and her husband and her mil and family.
Angels also please to my Uncle J and Aunt C. He's starting on hospice for congestive heart failure. His wife is my birth mom and everything has always been tough when it came to keeping any kind of relationship with her. I always ended up getting the shaft and she really acted out right before my mom died and threatened me with jail among other things.
When her cat died she wanted to know if I was ready to let go of my mom like she had to let go of her cat. no kidding.
It made me think that she had some kind of dementia because no one in their right mind would say such a thing.
don't look at me. Been there and done that. No way I'm getting roped into being a caregiver again.
Here's the rub: after writing a horrid letter to me on the eve of mom and my departure from LA to home so mom could die, I finally put what I was feeling into words and sent it to her.
I asked her if this was really how she wanted this to go and and that we didn't have much time and she wrote that she was fine and had the support of Jesus Christ, etc etc.
So I gave up.
Now she wants to call me and I am freaking out because she REALLY upsets me. I feel so bad for them both but man this story goes back to way before I was born and I have had to hear stuff that just screwed me up and makes me so sad.
This lady has been hateful to me and my mom and dad and now her husband is in hospice and my shoulders are up around my ears with dread.
I can't dread too many things at the same time. I already am dreading going north to finish up the stuff and now more dread.
Wish I was a dreadnought, har har.
anyway that's my Sunday and my love to all of you who are dealing with the sunday poop marathon.
HB: no one but the initiated gets the poop situation. everything is about the poop and girl I know that it do get old with the doo doo.
Mom was about 4-5 times an hour with all that went with that.
Just sitting there because she already went but forgot, fighting all the way with the pants up and pants down and I always kept my cool with her even when I walked in and she had moved in the 15 seconds that I had turned my back and she was standing in it with it on her and between her toes.
Nobody gets it and if you say anything about it you're 'disrespecting' your elder.
Oh Bite Me.
Before I wash the poop off.........
lovbob
I still have to do some laundry. I have to launder the bras individually since they are sooooo big. I still don't know if I can take all I want to AND take these bras too! (not really but I'm game to play along).
Guess it is time to get some stuff ready....see you guys in a while.
Love HB
Sad since he could be a decent guy - yet when I finally stopped answering his nasty calls - my world became calmer.
Yes, I am criticized often for being the bad one by not talking to him, yet these people have never been his victim. Others understand perfectly. Even some of those innocent strangers like waiters, airline workers, his own clients have been targets of his humiliating behavior.
I chose to remove myself from his arena.
I'm not one to offer much advice but I heartfully endorse keeping those types far away. Forget the guilt. You didn't earn it & shouldn't wear it.
Those people usually reach out for forgivness when they are in dire need. Oblivious to the misery they caused. Life is all about them & their ocassional token attempts at kindness.
Don't feel bad ... save yourselves, ourselves & perserve what little sanity we still possess.
I am obviously very uncomfortable in this situation.
i want to love her so badly and every time I get it in the chops.
I know that I have not been as verbally supportive as in the past to others because I am swimming in my own gravy here.
Thanks for your understanding and patience.
BOAT!
lovbob
The situation sounds complex and the emotions even more so, but my thinking is that B-Mom needs to draw support from another source. You need not feel guilt about keeping your nose far from that, the way you described it, I wonder if you'd feel anything but used and abused in the end. Personally I wouldn't take those calls if she is so hateful and suddenly so needy.
Some things are better let go. Enjoy your boat, the company of friends, and enjoy your life. You deserve that. You do not have to sign up for service in a war zone.
Hugs n stuff:
HB
It's tough not being able to help you out. I have all the images like Rossella polishing brass, etc.
I need to go turn down a gunfight in the living room. It's western day on TV - I'd like to make a phone call ...
We will find fun & humor again someday. I miss being funny - too much uncertain, unfunny stuff weighing me down lately.
I know you all know.
Thanks ~
Rip
thanks
lovbob