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Hi everybody. My mother's life is becoming so absurd that I wonder what is the quality of her life right now. From a range to 1 to 10, I'd say 1. What life is it, if you never know where you are, if you forget what you have done 2 seconds before. If you look constantly for people who are not with you, either because they are dead, or because they don't give a damn about you anymore, and you constantly refuse the help of the only person who is close to you, and you think that anyone else would treat you better.. Sorry, tonight I don't find a meaning in what we do, I don't find a meaning in general. Miz, sorry for your mother in law... You didn't need more stress that's for sure. 'Night everybody
Bobbie, if your b-mom has not given you any indication she has changed then you might consider if it is worth walking into a buzz saw. I remember going back for more and more and more with my dad. All I wanted was for him to love me. It took alot of work to come to understand that it wasn't about ME, it was about him. It is hard for me to understand someone who is incapable of loving, giving, being present for others. But my dad was one of those people. And yes I still have some issues with certain feelings and situations. But he died alone, that was his choice. My heart hurts for little girl that didn't get what she needed from her mom.. Please know you are in my prayers. many hugs for you today.
My precious Rose, God knows the meaning of why we do it!!! He gives us the choice each and everyday to step up and be accountable in ways that will challenge us to the faith we claim we have. Some turn their heads, walk away and don't turn back to help, others like us choose that responsiblity, freely. We always have a choice: do it or not! I'm proud to call you my friend because you chose to do it like me!!! I always tell people that your faith is only as strong as your last test...Our crew gets smiles from God everyday... because "our everyday" is a constant test and each one of those days, He says, "You Passed!" That is our meaning in what we do, friend. Much love to you tonight!
Help me im in kitty cat hell! Got conned into not only letting this cat out 2 times to eat breakfast:( now I've been conned into letting it out 2 times to eat supper. That's in edition to lunch. And we still have the bedtime routine to go through. Where it will eat again. She let him out 2 times before I came in this morning and fed him. Of coarse I have to go in there the rest of the day cause she can't handle him by herself. I dread even checking on her anymore because if I as much as check to make sure she has water, im asked to let the cat out to run. Arrggg. I thought letting him out at four was supposed to get me out of letting him out at 5 because she thpught he needed to eat early before her. So I went in at 4 she ate at 5 now im back in to let the cat out. Sorry to ramble im going nutts.
Thanks stillstanding, that was a very very very good answer. Yes Rip, our pets are essential. A little bit demanding, maybe, but I can't think what I would do without them. When Nino feels my pain, he hugs me like a person. Arms on my shoulders,. Crazy!
Hello Everyone. I have been catching up on the posts. My laptop battery died in the car. You could not ask for a more supportive, caring, eloquent and wonderful group. I can so relate to so many things.
Rossella, Sandy puts his paws up on us to be picked up. Whoever said cats are independent either does not know cats or does not know how to raise them.
Bobbie, what would you tell me to do in the same situation?? I know what you would tell me to tell her and it would involve some colorful language. I do so understand the need of her love but we have talked about letting go. Be around and talk to people that MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED and make you happy and that you can have fun with.
My MIL has Stage 4 lung and liver cancer. Very bad news. They think it started elsewhere but they don't know where. They are going to try chemo but only gave her 2-6 weeks to live. I can't express how badly I feel about this. We are home now. Hubby's brother and his wife and their son are flying in from Texas this week. This is a very close family. A good example for all.
HB, I want you to have a most wonderful trip!!
I'm gonna go for now. I love you all and cherish you all. Thank You So Much.
Hi Everyone......just thought I would check in while I have a few minutes. I wish I had some really deep, philosophical advice to offer those of you hurting, but my situation is not a whole lot different than what you are going through. With 2 out of my 3 children acting like self-centered "the world revolves around me" idiots, well I have distanced myself from them and I figure since my mom and dad are both gone now there is no reason for either one of them to ever darken my door step again. And I am okay with that. I still haven't found where it's written that my life has to be tossed in the trash can for ANYONE.....be it a crazy old lady or ungrateful, hateful children. I am a person, a GOOD PERSON, and I will not sit by while I am abused mentally or verbally. I protected my 2 daughters from their father....no he didn't abuse them, just me mentally. I protected them from their stepfather because for some odd reason he felt compelled to spend everyday deliberately looking for something to make them cry or otherwise mentally hurt them. I tried to give them what I could while they were growing up....stepfather liked his beer way too much and when he got laid off (union welder) he thought it was okay to just sit around on his butt. I finally had to go to work when my son was 15 mo old or we would have all starved. I took his physical and mental abuse until my son was 14, then I kicked him out when he raised his fist to my son one night and pushed my daughter around while I held my granddaughter. I tried to keep a lot of the ugly away from my kids.........and now according to the 2 girls I am a worthless piece of crap, who never did anything for them, and considered my job more important than anything else. I wonder if they will ever figure out that my paycheck put clothes on their backs, fed them and kept a roof over their heads until they turned on me. These 2 girls are 39 and 37 yrs old.....I don't want them in my life because I won't be treated like yesterday's bath water. I have a wonderful husband now who has given me a life that I never thought I would have. He treats me like a queen and everything that he had before me and everything we have together will someday (I hope) be my son's. The least I can do is try to make it through everyday taking care of the col...........:) We took her off Zyprexa and I am noticing a change in her attitude...it is much better. She has been very good about putting herself to bed for the past 3 nights. Bath day yesterday went off without a hitch.....but she lied to me last night about changing her wet undies....she didn't and today she was nasty wet. So back to not trusting anything she says to me. HB......my thoughts, prayers and good wishes go with you while you go off on your adventure......how exciting and of course don't forget we will want pics posted on FB. miz.......extra prayers go out to you and mr. miz......I hope your mil can find some peace. To all of our angels.....just remember that we are the wagon train surrounded by a bunch of idiotic indians (and I mean nothing detrimental by that.....I am part indian myself)........
Got your back Still......I wouldn't go see sis either....she doesn't deserve you and brother needs to be told to mind his own business....you are not the one who did the damage....she did and she owes you an apology.....but how something that trivial could ever erase the hurt she caused you............I don't think she could ever make that up to you.....................love ya!
jam , my heart goe s out to u , ill be ur daughter ! ill spoil u rottton too , just like ur hubby treats u like a queen , u deserve it too ! hb , plz have a wonderful time while ure out an about ! we ll be thinkin of u and pray for ur good trip there and back home , hell with the bra ! nobody there know s u .... miz ,, im just so down in the dumps ! makes me wonder if i ll have lung cancer smokin away ! but then ya know what its better than growing old and have someone wipe my ass . my hugs to u and ur hubby ! so so sorry . i forgot who it was that keeps a cat in the cage but only to let it out to eat and back in the cage , oh my gosh im glad im not that cat ! id get rid of that cat if its too dangerouse to let it roam and be pampered . i dont believe a cat should be caged im sorry , only going to the vet and back home i understand but just to live in the cage , nanana . thats for the birds . bobbie , im sorry ur b mother hubby s on his way out . maybe she needs ur help along the way ,. the only way i would help her is to pick out a nice nursing home for her and wave at her bye u have a barbara b to take care of . i dont think i would want to care for her , u done ur part and its time to keep ur boat a shining and enjoy the sun rise and the sunset . i am not in a very good mood , my shoulders ache and my back is all tense up in a knott . nerves smackin my body around and its a hurting . and readin all this is tearing me up inside . i think im going to lay low for a while till i get my head back together , rip ... yes pets loves u and hugs u when u have no one eles . theyre a blessing and i know u sure know how to pick a good nature pets . all ur pets are ur angels . :-) everytime i see ur pictures i just wanna reach over and love em . austin ,, thinking of you . truecolors gets ur butt back here ,, jsomebody i love you girl many hugs at ur way . peachie , deflex , deefer . missing you guys ,, hope all is well and send prayers to u guys . goodnight xoxoox
I've been thinking about rethinking this smoking thing. It's just weird. My MIL has lung cancer and I'm so stressed and sad that I want to smoke a lot. Sad but true.
thanks miz , but i am in the dark room right now . not in a light today . everythings so gloomey and foggy . pa s very heavy , just tired of same old routine everyday , i cry inside when he has to go the bathroom cuz i have to use all my strenght to get him in the wheelchair then the toilet then back in wheelchair and push him in the wheel chair he uses his house slippers like brakes and i push so hard to get him to move his heavy body around . told him to pick up ur feet pa im trying to push this thing ! , i just hurt all over . burnt out and tired and sick of same old shit daily . just want to be on bobbies boat . but then again i shouldnt say that cuz if pa passes im gonna be all torn up , damn if i do damn if i dont , ill be ok in few days , xoxo
you're anxious Miz. Smoking is a distraction among other things. Plus a comfort. An old reliable friend. Most pros suggest you don't try quitting during stressful times. Now sure qualifies. It'll eat you up with guilt if you fail. The time will come when you're ready to quit.
Linda, I'm so sorry. We can't expect you to be happy and perky all of the time. You have every right to be down. I just love you and want you to be as happy as you can be. I'm here for you, darlin'.
Rip, thank you so much for that. You're so thoughtful and insightful. Love you.
linda I will send adoption papers! miz....don't even think about trying to stop smoking right now. That is stressful enough and right now your mind needs to be on other things. Besides, like rip says, when and if you are ready to quit....you will. I quit smoking for 5 yrs in the 90's picked it up again for a couple yrs then quit for good in 1999....laid them on the counter Oct. 19, 1999 at 10:30 in the morning.....never touched them again. Put it out of your mind for right now. Jam
Hi everyone, May we all survive the stress of our family situations! I'm glad we have each other for support. Linda, I hope you can get someone to help you when you have to move pa from wheelchair to toilet. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't know where the helper will come from though. I wish someone was here to help me with the transfers, too. Just 10 min twice a day and it would make life so much easier. My mom only weighs about 120 lbs, but it is hard when the start leaning back and she is getting more rigid, I think the word is "tone" for the involuntary motor contactions. I finally read the "journey's End " phamplet from hospice, and I think were going to live for at least a while longer. I somehow got mom down the front steps into car and went shopping. Just had to get the he!! out of the house! Plan to call medical supply place for a ramp. Well, I"m all talked out for now, HB have a great journey this week! ssk
wow, what a lot of great posts and what a lot of great people!
Ya, Miz, Stage 4 is advanced which probably better explains some of my texts yesterday. I love ya kiddo and you know that we all are behind you and your husband.
Rossella, I am so sorry that you are witnessing your mother's fading away. It is truly awful and when they don't know who is making the difference in what is left of their lives and when they fight fight fight, it is impossible for the daughter who only wants to be a daughter and not a nurse.
Linda, I'm going to tell you like you tell me: Avoid the Dark Hole!! I know your back has got to hurt like the dickens. Everybody that had/has to haul the uncooperative bodies of our charges. My back is still out of whack but is healing bit by bit. I got some of that Tylenol Precise rub cream and it is really good. took the pain away from the spot I put it on.... Of course when that happens, the pain pops up somewhere else and I rub it on that. rub rub.
Jam, I am sorry that your daughters are mean to you. Awful that they don't get it and want to punish you for doing the right thing: working your self silly to keep your family together. I am very happy that you have your husband and a life you never expected. how incredible and miracles do happen. Take it easy on yourself and the col and remember that it's the disease, it's the disease and it's the disease....... in their mind they are not lying, it just is. love ya Jam.
Ladeeda, thanks for speaking up for the wounded kid in me. That kid has really been kicked around and I know that that is in the past and I really am not as pathetic as it all sounds but when the present slams the past into your face, it churns it all up again and there you sit. Hope you are healing yourself and I am glad that the family is stepping up to get you stepping. Above all, take your time! knee injuries!
Thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat. or in my case: workontheboatworkontheboatworkontheboat!!!!
Rip, your advice is terrific and very welcome. I appreciate you taking your time because i know how exhausted you are and how beat down. I wish I could wave my magic wand over everybody and transport us all to a nice spa so we could be together and laugh, have a great dinner and get laid, or in my case: play cards.
Where's Christina? gurl, are you ok? check in and let us know.
Stillstanding you have all the angels you need when you need them! thanks for being here on this thread.
Kuli, Deef!!, Flex, Pirate!!, Maxine!, Jen! Peachie!! Selfish Siblings!! and Everybody I missed!! check in!!!! I think about you guys all the time.
ssk, glad to see that you both went shopping! It's a grunt but worth it. I would take my mom out to get her hair and a mani/pedi done and that was a big excursion but she loved it. Also got her face waxed and she lay so still while the whiskers got pulled off. (I would pluck them but it took so long and I was afraid that I was hurting her) i could tell that she really liked the spa treatment.
headbanger, 1 of our great writers here, thanks for your 2 cents, always. smart cookie and man oh man, India!!! please remember to have fun fun fun and if you get a little tired, sleep sleep sleep and then fun fun fun and then....... How wonderful to be able to go to India with a relative!! and a nice one at that. blessings all around.
Allshesgot! a bird in the tunnel? something to do with a pecker? Yiiiiii!!! How in the world did that scenerio work out. i couldn't come up with that in a million years! I remember gerbils were asked to do some terrible things in the 80's..... but that was the guys......
Inappropriate joke warning: 2 gerbils were walking by a gay bar and one said to the other: Hey! want to go in and get sh!!faced?
BonnieO! how are you so far today? Ted!! great getting a call from you while you were having some fun!
Cuz! (my birth mom is his aunt) Haven't heard from you so please don't feel like you're stuck in the middle of this. There's a lot of stuff that has gone on that I know you're not aware of and it has to be difficult to see some of it here. I am truly sorry. Wish it was different but by now I guess you know, it's not. would appreciate your take on it but not if it makes you uncomfortable. I actually understand. There is something in me that doesn't want to hear her voice. I wanted my mom's voice to be the last one I heard. Does that make any sense? The day before my mom died I mentioned C and mom put her hands up to her face and cried. she made me understand not to contact her because mom was afraid that C would 'try something' after the jail threat. For the new folks: my mom had the type of Dementia that had long moments of lucidity. terrible because she would 'come to' with the realization of what was going on. that's why I kept saying to her: you're safe, you're safe, you're safe......
I keep trying to project myself into the future to see if I would be upset by not 'being there' and I come up blank. At this point, after the track record, I am not too worried about how I am perceived but how am I going to emotionally heal. I feel so bad for my poor uncle and my poor aunt. I really don't know what to do to help them. My emotional bank account is overdrawn. Yas, I guess I'm a selfish so and so.
Well, the yard is awake and I can hear the TraveLift moving a boat and I have to go and scrub out the dinghy. One of the reasons I got this boat was to force myself into exercise because repairing/maintaining it is very physical. Otherwise I would be reclining on a chaise with a remote and a box of See's chocolates and my butt hanging over the sides while I dug my own grave with my teeth. Brown rice for dinner today!
Hi Y'all. Just caught up on the posts, I feel for each of you but have no advice. except that HB should just use her bras as luggage instead of packing them. I'm not not sure how the Indian customs agents will react but hey, we're American. That's our excuse and we're stickin with it! To everyone dealing with Family mambers that hurt, you have all always told me that I must try to move past them, and know that i sit and read about yours, I know what you mean by that. It's hard to see that when your feeling the pain and confusion, but from the outside it does seem like the obvious thing to do is to protect yourself from further abuse by not letting yourself engage in their garbage. If they come around and want to engage in GOOD way-of-life, welcome them back, but don't let them take you down scary alleyways that you wouldn't go down by yourself.
Love you all. Many hugs for those who want or need them, and my sincere thanks to those who want or need to give them.
Okay fols, I need your wisdom. Several months ago Mom started going to the bathroom to pee at night about every hour to hour and a half. Dr checked her for UTI...negative. Changed her from Detrol to Vesicare. Had great hopes!!!!!! Worked for about 2 wks and now it is 2hrs almost on the dot.I have not had a full nights sleep in soooooo long. What else could possibly be causing this? I watch her fluid intake especially in evening, caffeine, toilet her every 2hrs during day. HELP!!!!!!!!!
Why must we worry about what other people think of us?? I need to take a lesson from hubby. He does not really care, except for me of course. What a relief that must be. And he's still a good guy.
ok, have you tried the overnight, heavy duty Depends? plus a Chux pad for the bed? or does she get up and you get up so she doesn't fall....?
mom would lay down and go to sleep but usually not wake up and then of course she was wet in the morning.. You sound like you have a different issue here.
Jam is the resident authority on meds......
chill, sleep deprivation is the worst. others here will have better suggestions than me.
Chillout, My mom has been taking nighttime bathroom trips every two or three hours for about a year now, There's no uti or any other reason the doc can find except that maybe because she is so un-active all day that she doesn't sleep through the night and going to the bathroom might just be something to do. I know what you mean about not getting a good nights sleep ourselves, My eyes snap open immediately every time she gets up or even coughs, I listen until she is back in bed safely, and then drift back into sleep myself until the next trip.
Anticholinergic-this is how all those bladder meds are classified. Any drug that blocks the passage of certain nerve impulses in the central nervous system by inhibiting the production of acetylcholine, which is a neurotransmitter.
Its wide range of effects makes it an effective component of pre-medication before surgery; it may be put in the eyes before examination or treatment to dilate the pupil and paralyse the muscles of accommodation, or inhaled to relieve constriction of the airways in bronchitis. Tremor and rigidity can be reduced in mild Parkinson's disease. Bladder muscle tone may also be improved in the treatment of frequent urination. Its usefulness as an antispasmodic is limited by side effects, such as dry mouth, visual disturbances, and urinary retention. But isn't that what it is supposed to be used for you ask?
So here goes.......whenever I mention a lot of meds, my response back is usually a snort and a smile....:) Do these things work? Only for a short time initially, and like everything else one builds up a tolerance and it takes more and more and more to do the job. Remember these meds don't cure the problem or really help that much and the problem will always go forward, never backwards. The bladder, just like everything else, slows down and doesn't work like it used to. The more I read and learn about bladder control drugs, the more I dislike the insidious little b*****ds.......so I myself am torn as to whether to keep the col on hers or do I want to handle the flooding. These meds act like little sponges, thus you have to watch for dehydration, and heat intolerance, which leads to possible heat exhaustion or heat stroke, thirst, constipation, drying mucous membranes, dizziness, personality changes......the cure for that.....fluids you say? But won't that make them pee more? What a giant circle we seem to be running around.....and this one ain't got no daisies in it folks.....:) what to do, what to do......chill........if there is no UTI going on is mom getting up by herself or does she need you to help her? If it is dependent on you getting up because she yells for help........then if it was me I would put her in heavy-duty depends at night, sedate her so she will sleep all night and then just change her in the morning. Lack of sleep causes more problems than just being tired during the day.....it can lead to some major health issues, then when the caregiver goes down...where does that leave your loved one? I know it sounds cruel to "snow" them......but let's look at reality here....just how does one entertain a person who doesn't think rationally, who has no hobbies, cannot or will not get some sort of exercise, who is not really aware of the world around them.....their bodies, and that includes the brain, are preparing for the "big sleep".....they are shutting down slowly but surely. The home caregiver doesn't have the "luxury" of having their loved one the only responsibility they have......we have a household to keep together, a spouse or other loved ones who will be here after.......when we get tired and sleepy we just can't sit down and nod off.....the rules say we have to keep going because others depend on us....we don't have a housekeeping staff to clean up the messes made while we entertain our loved one. Okay I will stop preaching now, because as you can see I am only venting my own frustration, although I am sure these feelings are shared by others here.
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My mother's life is becoming so absurd that I wonder what is the quality of her life right now. From a range to 1 to 10, I'd say 1.
What life is it, if you never know where you are, if you forget what you have done 2 seconds before. If you look constantly for people who are not with you, either because they are dead, or because they don't give a damn about you anymore, and you constantly refuse the help of the only person who is close to you, and you think that anyone else would treat you better..
Sorry, tonight I don't find a meaning in what we do, I don't find a meaning in general.
Miz, sorry for your mother in law... You didn't need more stress that's for sure.
'Night everybody
My heart hurts for little girl that didn't get what she needed from her mom.. Please know you are in my prayers. many hugs for you today.
God knows the meaning of why we do it!!!
He gives us the choice each and everyday to step up and be accountable in ways that will challenge us to the faith we claim we have. Some turn their heads, walk away and don't turn back to help, others like us choose that responsiblity, freely. We always have a choice: do it or not! I'm proud to call you my friend because you chose to do it like me!!! I always tell people that your faith is only as strong as your last test...Our crew gets smiles from God everyday... because "our everyday" is a constant test and each one of those days, He says, "You Passed!" That is our meaning in what we do, friend.
Much love to you tonight!
Hug the Pets!!!
Yes Rip, our pets are essential. A little bit demanding, maybe, but I can't think what I would do without them. When Nino feels my pain, he hugs me like a person. Arms on my shoulders,.
Crazy!
Rossella, Sandy puts his paws up on us to be picked up. Whoever said cats are independent either does not know cats or does not know how to raise them.
Bobbie, what would you tell me to do in the same situation?? I know what you would tell me to tell her and it would involve some colorful language. I do so understand the need of her love but we have talked about letting go. Be around and talk to people that MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED and make you happy and that you can have fun with.
My MIL has Stage 4 lung and liver cancer. Very bad news. They think it started elsewhere but they don't know where. They are going to try chemo but only gave her 2-6 weeks to live. I can't express how badly I feel about this. We are home now. Hubby's brother and his wife and their son are flying in from Texas this week. This is a very close family. A good example for all.
HB, I want you to have a most wonderful trip!!
I'm gonna go for now. I love you all and cherish you all. Thank You So Much.
love,
miz
HB......my thoughts, prayers and good wishes go with you while you go off on your adventure......how exciting and of course don't forget we will want pics posted on FB.
miz.......extra prayers go out to you and mr. miz......I hope your mil can find some peace.
To all of our angels.....just remember that we are the wagon train surrounded by a bunch of idiotic indians (and I mean nothing detrimental by that.....I am part indian myself)........
Love and Hugz to you all!!!!!
JAM
hb , plz have a wonderful time while ure out an about ! we ll be thinkin of u and pray for ur good trip there and back home , hell with the bra ! nobody there know s u ....
miz ,, im just so down in the dumps ! makes me wonder if i ll have lung cancer smokin away ! but then ya know what its better than growing old and have someone wipe my ass . my hugs to u and ur hubby ! so so sorry .
i forgot who it was that keeps a cat in the cage but only to let it out to eat and back in the cage , oh my gosh im glad im not that cat ! id get rid of that cat if its too dangerouse to let it roam and be pampered . i dont believe a cat should be caged im sorry , only going to the vet and back home i understand but just to live in the cage , nanana . thats for the birds .
bobbie , im sorry ur b mother hubby s on his way out . maybe she needs ur help along the way ,. the only way i would help her is to pick out a nice nursing home for her and wave at her bye u have a barbara b to take care of . i dont think i would want to care for her , u done ur part and its time to keep ur boat a shining and enjoy the sun rise and the sunset .
i am not in a very good mood , my shoulders ache and my back is all tense up in a knott . nerves smackin my body around and its a hurting . and readin all this is tearing me up inside . i think im going to lay low for a while till i get my head back together ,
rip ... yes pets loves u and hugs u when u have no one eles . theyre a blessing and i know u sure know how to pick a good nature pets . all ur pets are ur angels . :-) everytime i see ur pictures i just wanna reach over and love em .
austin ,, thinking of you . truecolors gets ur butt back here ,, jsomebody i love you girl many hugs at ur way .
peachie , deflex , deefer . missing you guys ,, hope all is well and send prayers to u guys .
goodnight xoxoox
love,
miz
pa s very heavy , just tired of same old routine everyday , i cry inside when he has to go the bathroom cuz i have to use all my strenght to get him in the wheelchair then the toilet then back in wheelchair and push him in the wheel chair he uses his house slippers like brakes and i push so hard to get him to move his heavy body around . told him to pick up ur feet pa im trying to push this thing ! , i just hurt all over .
burnt out and tired and sick of same old shit daily .
just want to be on bobbies boat . but then again i shouldnt say that cuz if pa passes im gonna be all torn up , damn if i do damn if i dont , ill be ok in few days , xoxo
Smoking is a distraction among other things. Plus a comfort. An old reliable friend.
Most pros suggest you don't try quitting during stressful times. Now sure qualifies. It'll eat you up with guilt if you fail.
The time will come when you're ready to quit.
Take care ...
Rip, thank you so much for that. You're so thoughtful and insightful. Love you.
miz
miz....don't even think about trying to stop smoking right now. That is stressful enough and right now your mind needs to be on other things. Besides, like rip says, when and if you are ready to quit....you will. I quit smoking for 5 yrs in the 90's picked it up again for a couple yrs then quit for good in 1999....laid them on the counter Oct. 19, 1999 at 10:30 in the morning.....never touched them again. Put it out of your mind for right now.
Jam
Linda, I hope you can get someone to help you when you have to move pa from wheelchair to toilet. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't know where the helper will come from though. I wish someone was here to help me with the transfers, too. Just 10 min twice a day and it would make life so much easier. My mom only weighs about 120 lbs, but it is hard when the start leaning back and she is getting more rigid, I think the word is "tone" for the involuntary motor contactions.
I finally read the "journey's End " phamplet from hospice, and I think were going to live for at least a while longer.
I somehow got mom down the front steps into car and went shopping. Just had to get the he!! out of the house! Plan to call medical supply place for a ramp.
Well, I"m all talked out for now, HB have a great journey this week!
ssk
wow, what a lot of great posts and what a lot of great people!
Ya, Miz, Stage 4 is advanced which probably better explains some of my texts yesterday. I love ya kiddo and you know that we all are behind you and your husband.
Rossella, I am so sorry that you are witnessing your mother's fading away. It is truly awful and when they don't know who is making the difference in what is left of their lives and when they fight fight fight, it is impossible for the daughter who only wants to be a daughter and not a nurse.
Linda, I'm going to tell you like you tell me: Avoid the Dark Hole!! I know your back has got to hurt like the dickens. Everybody that had/has to haul the uncooperative bodies of our charges. My back is still out of whack but is healing bit by bit. I got some of that Tylenol Precise rub cream and it is really good. took the pain away from the spot I put it on....
Of course when that happens, the pain pops up somewhere else and I rub it on that. rub rub.
Jam, I am sorry that your daughters are mean to you. Awful that they don't get it and want to punish you for doing the right thing: working your self silly to keep your family together. I am very happy that you have your husband and a life you never expected. how incredible and miracles do happen.
Take it easy on yourself and the col and remember that it's the disease, it's the disease and it's the disease....... in their mind they are not lying, it just is. love ya Jam.
Ladeeda, thanks for speaking up for the wounded kid in me. That kid has really been kicked around and I know that that is in the past and I really am not as pathetic as it all sounds but when the present slams the past into your face, it churns it all up again and there you sit. Hope you are healing yourself and I am glad that the family is stepping up to get you stepping. Above all, take your time! knee injuries!
Thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat.
or in my case:
workontheboatworkontheboatworkontheboat!!!!
Rip, your advice is terrific and very welcome. I appreciate you taking your time because i know how exhausted you are and how beat down. I wish I could wave my magic wand over everybody and transport us all to a nice spa so we could be together and laugh, have a great dinner and get laid, or in my case: play cards.
Where's Christina? gurl, are you ok? check in and let us know.
Stillstanding you have all the angels you need when you need them! thanks for being here on this thread.
Kuli, Deef!!, Flex, Pirate!!, Maxine!, Jen! Peachie!! Selfish Siblings!! and Everybody I missed!! check in!!!! I think about you guys all the time.
ssk, glad to see that you both went shopping! It's a grunt but worth it. I would take my mom out to get her hair and a mani/pedi done and that was a big excursion but she loved it. Also got her face waxed and she lay so still while the whiskers got pulled off. (I would pluck them but it took so long and I was afraid that I was hurting her) i could tell that she really liked the spa treatment.
headbanger, 1 of our great writers here, thanks for your 2 cents, always. smart cookie and man oh man, India!!! please remember to have fun fun fun and if you get a little tired, sleep sleep sleep and then fun fun fun and then.......
How wonderful to be able to go to India with a relative!! and a nice one at that. blessings all around.
Allshesgot! a bird in the tunnel? something to do with a pecker? Yiiiiii!!! How in the world did that scenerio work out. i couldn't come up with that in a million years! I remember gerbils were asked to do some terrible things in the 80's..... but that was the guys......
Inappropriate joke warning:
2 gerbils were walking by a gay bar and one said to the other:
Hey! want to go in and get sh!!faced?
BonnieO! how are you so far today?
Ted!! great getting a call from you while you were having some fun!
Cuz! (my birth mom is his aunt) Haven't heard from you so please don't feel like you're stuck in the middle of this. There's a lot of stuff that has gone on that I know you're not aware of and it has to be difficult to see some of it here. I am truly sorry. Wish it was different but by now I guess you know, it's not. would appreciate your take on it but not if it makes you uncomfortable. I actually understand.
There is something in me that doesn't want to hear her voice.
I wanted my mom's voice to be the last one I heard.
Does that make any sense?
The day before my mom died I mentioned C and mom put her hands up to her face and cried. she made me understand not to contact her because mom was afraid that C would 'try something' after the jail threat.
For the new folks: my mom had the type of Dementia that had long moments of lucidity. terrible because she would 'come to' with the realization of what was going on. that's why I kept saying to her: you're safe, you're safe, you're safe......
I keep trying to project myself into the future to see if I would be upset by not 'being there' and I come up blank.
At this point, after the track record, I am not too worried about how I am perceived but how am I going to emotionally heal. I feel so bad for my poor uncle and my poor aunt. I really don't know what to do to help them. My emotional bank account is overdrawn.
Yas, I guess I'm a selfish so and so.
Well, the yard is awake and I can hear the TraveLift moving a boat and I have to go and scrub out the dinghy.
One of the reasons I got this boat was to force myself into exercise because repairing/maintaining it is very physical.
Otherwise I would be reclining on a chaise with a remote and a box of See's chocolates and my butt hanging over the sides while I dug my own grave with my teeth.
Brown rice for dinner today!
more later, love you guys,
lovbob
I'm not not sure how the Indian customs agents will react but hey, we're American. That's our excuse and we're stickin with it!
To everyone dealing with Family mambers that hurt, you have all always told me that I must try to move past them, and know that i sit and read about yours, I know what you mean by that. It's hard to see that when your feeling the pain and confusion, but from the outside it does seem like the obvious thing to do is to protect yourself from further abuse by not letting yourself engage in their garbage. If they come around and want to engage in GOOD way-of-life, welcome them back, but don't let them take you down scary alleyways that you wouldn't go down by yourself.
Love you all. Many hugs for those who want or need them, and my sincere thanks to those who want or need to give them.
ok, have you tried the overnight, heavy duty Depends? plus a Chux pad for the bed?
or does she get up and you get up so she doesn't fall....?
mom would lay down and go to sleep but usually not wake up and then of course she was wet in the morning..
You sound like you have a different issue here.
Jam is the resident authority on meds......
chill, sleep deprivation is the worst. others here will have better suggestions than me.
lovbob
I know what you mean about not getting a good nights sleep ourselves, My eyes snap open immediately every time she gets up or even coughs, I listen until she is back in bed safely, and then drift back into sleep myself until the next trip.
Any drug that blocks the passage of certain nerve impulses in the central nervous system by inhibiting the production of acetylcholine, which is a neurotransmitter.
Its wide range of effects makes it an effective component of pre-medication before surgery; it may be put in the eyes before examination or treatment to dilate the pupil and paralyse the muscles of accommodation, or inhaled to relieve constriction of the airways in bronchitis. Tremor and rigidity can be reduced in mild Parkinson's disease. Bladder muscle tone may also be improved in the treatment of frequent urination. Its usefulness as an antispasmodic is limited by side effects, such as dry mouth, visual disturbances, and urinary retention. But isn't that what it is supposed to be used for you ask?
So here goes.......whenever I mention a lot of meds, my response back is usually a snort and a smile....:) Do these things work? Only for a short time initially, and like everything else one builds up a tolerance and it takes more and more and more to do the job. Remember these meds don't cure the problem or really help that much and the problem will always go forward, never backwards. The bladder, just like everything else, slows down and doesn't work like it used to. The more I read and learn about bladder control drugs, the more I dislike the insidious little b*****ds.......so I myself am torn as to whether to keep the col on hers or do I want to handle the flooding. These meds act like little sponges, thus you have to watch for dehydration, and heat intolerance, which leads to possible heat exhaustion or heat stroke, thirst, constipation, drying mucous membranes, dizziness, personality changes......the cure for that.....fluids you say? But won't that make them pee more? What a giant circle we seem to be running around.....and this one ain't got no daisies in it folks.....:) what to do, what to do......chill........if there is no UTI going on is mom getting up by herself or does she need you to help her? If it is dependent on you getting up because she yells for help........then if it was me I would put her in heavy-duty depends at night, sedate her so she will sleep all night and then just change her in the morning. Lack of sleep causes more problems than just being tired during the day.....it can lead to some major health issues, then when the caregiver goes down...where does that leave your loved one? I know it sounds cruel to "snow" them......but let's look at reality here....just how does one entertain a person who doesn't think rationally, who has no hobbies, cannot or will not get some sort of exercise, who is not really aware of the world around them.....their bodies, and that includes the brain, are preparing for the "big sleep".....they are shutting down slowly but surely. The home caregiver doesn't have the "luxury" of having their loved one the only responsibility they have......we have a household to keep together, a spouse or other loved ones who will be here after.......when we get tired and sleepy we just can't sit down and nod off.....the rules say we have to keep going because others depend on us....we don't have a housekeeping staff to clean up the messes made while we entertain our loved one. Okay I will stop preaching now, because as you can see I am only venting my own frustration, although I am sure these feelings are shared by others here.
Love and Hugz to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jam