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How I wish there was an index to all the wonderful posts on Grossed. Often I try to revisit a comment or group of thoughts ony to crash theh system. (my patience level with stubborn technology)
Jam, your words are precise. More people should hear / read them. This is the stuff that should be in the 'clip art' pamphlets in the doctor's exam rooms. I'd copy it for our urologist appointment this week but the staff, like us, is too busy & burned out to bother. At least they are paid for their time. Thanks Jam!
What is it with being in bed for a while then having to go? Is it being horizontal? Something to do with the position of the heart? Off to the toilet ... Then, back in bed a while later the little inconsiderate bladder is full again?
When Sir lived in the luxury senior apartments I'd be there late evening when all the lights were off. The sound of flushing toilets in the building went on into the early morning hours. Corporate was always bitching about the water consumption & sending out notices about that & conserving electricity. They provided the dimmest lighting available ... duh. Senior vision fades? Boy, that place was decorated fine! Grand hotel style. Screw paying the staff & accomodating the residents ... bring in the buck$$$! For the Corporate Lifestyle ~
Just got back from seeing if the col needed some help with changing her drawers and if the dog has been out.......now that I am back in my own home and licking my wounds I will now lay the pillow down and get these visions of mumbled screams out of my head. She is in royal "b*tch mode today.....after assuring me she was dry and refusing to let me check for myself...since we are such a little fibber...straight out of her mouth comes...lets go out.....uh no, not today we had some problems with that the other day and neither one of us are up to it today. I'm standing close to the air freshener so I pick it up and give a couple of sprays....what are you doing that for....well the place doesn't smell very good and I really think a lot of it is the pee around all the table legs, door frames and on the carpet......oh isn't that a clever thing, he's so cute... (kill me now please).......So away we go......her daughter was perfect and took her places ALL THE TIME....no every couple of weeks to be exact...she's an expert on nursing homes and I don't know jack squat.....she ranted and raved and told me to get out and I do nothing for her except criticize, she's mad because I am not like her daughter, thank you God for large favors......when I stumped her with a question she didn't want to answer she would pick up a magazine and pretend to read. And by the way, this table that she allows the dog to pee on was a part of her family heirlooms, she was an only child so was doted on by parents, uncles and aunts.....the table belonged to the sister of Luther Burbank when the Burbank family lived in Calif. Harry Truman and hubby's father were friends and we have the pics taken of them together and signed by the President....didn't want something to happen to them. So anyway....told her to work on the attitude and lose it today because she can't outb*tch me. I finally figured out today to look in her eyes.....when she has this "mean" look...oh boy here it comes. And I saw the change the minute I told her we were not going anywhere today.
I really hope y'all have a better day than I'm having and I will do my best to make it better.
Oh Jam, like you don't have enough to do and with the dawg, ouch! How old is he? And if I gave you a suggestion do you think you could follow thru? It would take up your time ... :( You probably have already tried everything already, huh? If not, I'm willing to help you, ok?
Hi Bobbie and all, Got a mess in my house with the floors and construction. Could I get a "BOAT"? Thank you, Amen. Caregiver has taken Mother to the Library, where it's too cold for her; then to Mall, lots to see, then to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cone. She went on Cipro last Thursday for her UTI (oh me...oh my...) and is now back to her Heckle and Jeckle mode, I mean Dr. Jeckle, where is Mr. Hyde--oh, just around the corner, probably. I am way behind on the thread, I feel bad, but have to handle THIS STUFF first. Not at all sure what is going on. Last I read, SSK was worried about your Mom--love and hugs, HB is going to INJAH--blessings and watch out for oxen. I am keeping ALL of you in my loving thoughts and unceasing prayers, as usual. I kind of like the new format, but I wish there was a way to access BY WEEK. HMM? Maybe, "week beginning Sunday, March 6". That would help:) I Love you guys. Back to the sounds of dust, sawing, hammering, which are very different, and possibly soothing, compared to some of the usual sounds of whining, rattling, and complaining. Hugs, Christina
Good to see you Christina! yup, nothing like construction.........
I hear you Rip on the not so great use of funds for senior living.
After seeing what memory care/senior care units are available in a few spots on both coasts, I'm with Rip on being able to design one. It's like the bionic pro care system: We Can Make It Better.
Jam, sorry you're having a time with your mil. My mom was very argumentative also and ate a lot of my energy especially with the attitude, paranoia, fabrications, to anyone who would listen, many did and all believed it. I was a demon. For my mom I figured it was the defense mechanism of knowing that she was losing it and having to trust me. For her it was that last fight which went on forever ... it took 18 months for her to smile at me. and boy do I get it having lived it. Jam you have my absolute compassion. Take it easy on yourself and drop AKC Granny's Pisshound off at the vet!
My mom ended up trusting me. We communicated during the lucid moments and she knew that I was killing myself taking care of her and that's why what we had together was so special. I would just approach it differently if I had to do it again. just sayin.
I'd like to be able to index the thread also. I'd like to see what I wrote when the fireguys came over to do a 'Lift'. I remember it as funny and so sad because it was the last time mom and I were ever able to go anywhere. I took her from the respite house to my apt for the day and when we went to lay her down for a nap she forgot for a moment how to stand up and move and we both we down but very gently. Wow. whatta memory that is. anyhoo the West Hollywood #9 Fire guys came out and let me tell you, that took a only a nanosecond. Mom was flabbergasted. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Best look of wonderment on her face. The guys are good. West Hollywood is chock full of senior citizens. Actually the largest demographic. THEN the gay guys.
Jam & Bobbie: Sing it sistahs! I am feeling every word. I am swaying to your beat. I hear your messages because they resonate to the marrow of my bone.
Bobbie: Listen to your guts and you will do the right thing. I wish I listened more to my intuition. Whenever I ignore it I'm sorry.
Jam: All I can do is hug you. Have to let go of that heirloom pee table. I can’t believe the dog pee’s on that. Crazy Col…
Christina: Thanks for checking in! I know you have a lot going on with construction. Your new CG sounds like a gift from heaven above. Love the outings!
Ted: My boobs…I mean my bags are packed. My girls aren’t feeling the same in the new packing though. I think my daughter will complain that with the extra bras my suitcase is spilling over it's clevage.
Rip: I also wish they had an index or search within a thread option. At least they increased the number of posts per page from 5 to 10. That was a tiny improvement with the emphasis on tiny.
Stillstanding: My dogs are pretty good but I still wish I had help with “doggy yard deafness”, when your little dog goes out and completely ignores your call for him to come back. That is so annoying to me. Only my male Chihuahua does it.
Allshegot: I’d consider giving that cat up for adoption. You are stressed enough caring for the Aunt and the kids without the cat in the picture. The cat also would benefit from more freedom. It is stressful on the cat to keep it in a cage for prolonged periods of time. Just my 2 cents. Might make your life easier.
To everyone else HUGS HUGS HUGS…I’m on duty today so if I didn’t write in everyone’s names but you are all loved and appreciated.
******** Informative part of my post: We dress grandma up in a night-time bed bound diaper. It is called an "ATN" code for All through the night. It is made by Tranquility products:
Actually this wasn't a bad website for lots of different styles of incontinence products and some information. The product we use holds 4 cups of fluid under pressure, which means it won't leak if they sit on it, and since it is on their rears…just saying. There is a store that carries them locally and my mother orders them by the case.
*****************
Rant part of my post…because you know I wouldn’t be a headbanger if I didn’t:
I’m still stuck on potty issues at night. Grandma is one of those elders who cannot get out of bed, a chair, or walk at all by herself and we can't manage to take her to the bathroom as many times as she would have us do it during the night. So we strap her into the ATN, put a “chuck” (disposable bed liner) between her and the bed and then she is in for the night.
That doesn't mean that she doesn't call us, freak out, and hallucinate at night, so we still have to get up and tell her to pee in the ATN. Sometimes she gets it, but mostly she just wants US to do her bidding, or make sense of her latest delusion. It's like trying to understand a LSD trippin-hippie at a San Francisco love-in.
It is always a special moment coaching her to pee in the ATN. Communication is so relaxed and beautiful when she is raving about seeing her goddess mother and spewing her random truths like Charlie Sheen in his latest video, she is just that passionate and opinionated, in a drunk slurring speech sort of way. Those eyes...they get so angry even while they are so blank. At night, her brain is like a monkey throwing feces, her eyes are open, her mouth is running, but is she really aware? She remembers none of it the next day. But we remember, and it is hard to let go of those feelings when she is complaining of how tired she is.
I have been feeling really hateful towards the doctors that treated grandma during her last massive heart-attack in 2008. She was 86 years old when that heart attack happened. Hey! Docs…you kept her heart beating, but you forgot all about bringing the brain online. When I look at my grandmother now, I see a woman for whom no great favors have been done. They fought so hard to save her and shortly there-after she was put into hospice, for guess what??? End stage heart disease, she is dying! She lost her wits, her independence, she is confused most of the time, and is so weak and short-of-breath, that someone must be within calling distance of her for the rest of her life which may be 10 minutes or 10 years from now.
My mother wasn’t ready to lose her mother. Some days she still isn’t. I think now my mother questions the decisions that she made in the hospital during those weeks of heroic care. The doctors did what she wanted them to do. Mom is certainly disappointed that grandma lost most of her short-term memory and her ability to reason. Who are we to interpret God’s will? I am no one. I do however believe that man stood in the way of God’s will the day my grandma had her heart-attack and he did it because my mother wasn’t ready to let go. Are you ready yet mom?
I really hope that after all this is done with that she doesn’t read any Stephen King novels. Grandma's plot is already picked and paid for, we dont' need any last minute changes.
I’m leaving tomorrow and getting on that plane on Thursday, and it can't happen soon enough. I am acutely aware of how much the last 2 years have cost me. I feel that if I didn’t have this opportunity leave it behind for a little while, I may lose my own precious wits. I'd feel giddy right now if today was over. I had made a promise to my mother that the next time my husband worked late that I would put grandma to bed for her. Guess what? Today he works late. So I get the booby-prize.
This surely must be the longest caregiving day of my life. I feel like grandma is calling me twice as much, her crap smells 10x worse than usual, and it is sticking to her bum just that much more.
I just want to make it through the day.
This should be my last post until my return in April. I’ll be back on duty April 11th. I wish I could take you all with me. Love you guys! Take care and keep a light on for me. Headbanger
Finally checking in.. painful leg day, so just tried to take care of that. Happy going away HB, we will be thinking of you and praying for your safety and hoping you are having the time of your life.. Christina, don't know how you are holding up thru all the noise and caregiving. Lots of admiration for you. JAM hugs across the miles, do you take the pillow with you at all times, sorta like a six-gun strapped to your leg?? To everyone else, you are in my thoughts and prayers. My best friend from down home is working in Austin this week, so is going to come by Fri and spend the night before going back home... I have something to look forward to A good motivation to see if I can vacuum from the wheel chair. Get the house smelly good for company... we will set on the porch, smoke and she'll get me caught up on all the down home gossip. I will tell her about all ya'll and what great love and support I get from everyone. she is a hopice RN, travels all over Texas for the company she works for. So will get some good suggestions for Ruth's homecoming. I am excited to get to see her. Am loving all ya'll and praying for laughter if not real relief. Hugs to all.
Chaquita Texan Linda made BOAT TIME!!! Wheel chair & all! What fun to have an old friend visit! She must be strong ... a hospice nurse. A true Earth Angel. Share us with her? Share her with us too.
My friend Donna is very humble and does not see what she is doing as anything out of the ordinary. She has so much compassion, and yes she is strong, but a softie at the same time. She has a very dark sense of humor as do I, so you can only imagine the conversations she and I have had thru the years. We used to take road trips and go rock hunting. Got lost every single time. We didn't care, we would find our way home eventually. So am really looking forward to seeing her and telling her all about you all.
Oh too late rip, I've already told her about the "banana" thing. She laughed until she cried. She loves it that I am called Chiquita by some of you. And why would I LIE to her about ya'll. lol She knows how I am and knows I would be bored out of mind with proper and well mannered, and submissive is not in my vocabulary. No she is grateful that ya'll are here to keep me sane. I can not wait to show her pics of the Monty Man.. she is not a cat person but she will fall in love. My cat hates her. She always brings prizes and little snacks and Ms. Kitters, just looks at her like "Who the hell are you???". I think thru the years they have agreed to give each other space... More later, smoke time.
Tell those rude people to not make me strap on my pillow and come and beat them down. MontyMan is an angel on earth. I love him bigger than the Texas sky!!!
Monty took a moment from being a sick, aloof & routinly arrogant cat to say "Thanks, Chaquita!" (Feel proud ... he was born male & continued the routine behaviors despite his surgery)
miz, that's why you have so many that love you. So many that pray for you, there is power in numbers, No, it doesn't lighten your load except to know you are loved and thought about... hugs to you
I know Miz ... there are people who can remain calm & perky no matter what devastating events life hits them with
And there are us. Not every bump in the road staggers us but when it comes to those we care for ... those aren't "calming bumps" on my roadway. (Calming bumps used to be called speed bumps before the neighborhood became politically correct)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Jam, your words are precise. More people should hear / read them. This is the stuff that should be in the 'clip art' pamphlets in the doctor's exam rooms. I'd copy it for our urologist appointment this week but the staff, like us, is too busy & burned out to bother.
At least they are paid for their time.
Thanks Jam!
What is it with being in bed for a while then having to go? Is it being horizontal? Something to do with the position of the heart? Off to the toilet ...
Then, back in bed a while later the little inconsiderate bladder is full again?
When Sir lived in the luxury senior apartments I'd be there late evening when all the lights were off. The sound of flushing toilets in the building went on into the early morning hours.
Corporate was always bitching about the water consumption & sending out notices about that & conserving electricity. They provided the dimmest lighting available ... duh. Senior vision fades?
Boy, that place was decorated fine! Grand hotel style. Screw paying the staff & accomodating the residents ... bring in the buck$$$! For the Corporate Lifestyle ~
I really hope y'all have a better day than I'm having and I will do my best to make it better.
Love and Hugz!
Jam
Got a mess in my house with the floors and construction. Could I get a "BOAT"? Thank you, Amen.
Caregiver has taken Mother to the Library, where it's too cold for her; then to Mall, lots to see, then to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cone. She went on Cipro last Thursday for her UTI
(oh me...oh my...) and is now back to her Heckle and Jeckle mode, I mean Dr. Jeckle, where is Mr. Hyde--oh, just around the corner, probably.
I am way behind on the thread, I feel bad, but have to handle THIS STUFF first. Not at all sure what is going on. Last I read, SSK was worried about your Mom--love and hugs, HB is going to INJAH--blessings and watch out for oxen. I am keeping ALL of you in my loving thoughts and unceasing prayers, as usual.
I kind of like the new format, but I wish there was a way to access BY WEEK. HMM? Maybe, "week beginning Sunday, March 6". That would help:)
I Love you guys.
Back to the sounds of dust, sawing, hammering, which are very different, and possibly soothing, compared to some of the usual sounds of whining, rattling, and complaining. Hugs, Christina
yup, nothing like construction.........
I hear you Rip on the not so great use of funds for senior living.
After seeing what memory care/senior care units are available in a few spots on both coasts, I'm with Rip on being able to design one.
It's like the bionic pro care system:
We Can Make It Better.
Jam, sorry you're having a time with your mil. My mom was very argumentative also and ate a lot of my energy especially with the attitude, paranoia, fabrications, to anyone who would listen, many did and all believed it. I was a demon.
For my mom I figured it was the defense mechanism of knowing that she was losing it and having to trust me. For her it was that last fight which went on forever ... it took 18 months for her to smile at me.
and boy do I get it having lived it.
Jam you have my absolute compassion.
Take it easy on yourself and drop AKC Granny's Pisshound off at the vet!
My mom ended up trusting me. We communicated during the lucid moments and she knew that I was killing myself taking care of her and that's why what we had together was so special.
I would just approach it differently if I had to do it again.
just sayin.
I'd like to be able to index the thread also. I'd like to see what I wrote when the fireguys came over to do a 'Lift'.
I remember it as funny and so sad because it was the last time mom and I were ever able to go anywhere. I took her from the respite house to my apt for the day and when we went to lay her down for a nap she forgot for a moment how to stand up and move and we both we down but very gently.
Wow. whatta memory that is.
anyhoo the West Hollywood #9 Fire guys came out and let me tell you, that took a only a nanosecond.
Mom was flabbergasted.
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Best look of wonderment on her face.
The guys are good. West Hollywood is chock full of senior citizens. Actually the largest demographic.
THEN the gay guys.
got to go back to work,
lovbob
BOAT!!!
Can I get a 'BOAT!'?
lovbob
Jam & Bobbie: Sing it sistahs! I am feeling every word. I am swaying to your beat. I hear your messages because they resonate to the marrow of my bone.
Bobbie: Listen to your guts and you will do the right thing. I wish I listened more to my intuition. Whenever I ignore it I'm sorry.
Jam: All I can do is hug you. Have to let go of that heirloom pee table. I can’t believe the dog pee’s on that. Crazy Col…
Christina: Thanks for checking in! I know you have a lot going on with construction. Your new CG sounds like a gift from heaven above. Love the outings!
Ted: My boobs…I mean my bags are packed. My girls aren’t feeling the same in the new packing though. I think my daughter will complain that with the extra bras my suitcase is spilling over it's clevage.
Rip: I also wish they had an index or search within a thread option. At least they increased the number of posts per page from 5 to 10. That was a tiny improvement with the emphasis on tiny.
Stillstanding: My dogs are pretty good but I still wish I had help with “doggy yard deafness”, when your little dog goes out and completely ignores your call for him to come back. That is so annoying to me. Only my male Chihuahua does it.
Allshegot: I’d consider giving that cat up for adoption. You are stressed enough caring for the Aunt and the kids without the cat in the picture. The cat also would benefit from more freedom. It is stressful on the cat to keep it in a cage for prolonged periods of time. Just my 2 cents. Might make your life easier.
To everyone else HUGS HUGS HUGS…I’m on duty today so if I didn’t write in everyone’s names but you are all loved and appreciated.
********
Informative part of my post: We dress grandma up in a night-time bed bound diaper. It is called an "ATN" code for All through the night. It is made by Tranquility products:
http://www.tranquilityproducts.com/products/maximum/atn.htm
Actually this wasn't a bad website for lots of different styles of incontinence products and some information. The product we use holds 4 cups of fluid under pressure, which means it won't leak if they sit on it, and since it is on their rears…just saying. There is a store that carries them locally and my mother orders them by the case.
*****************
Rant part of my post…because you know I wouldn’t be a headbanger if I didn’t:
I’m still stuck on potty issues at night. Grandma is one of those elders who cannot get out of bed, a chair, or walk at all by herself and we can't manage to take her to the bathroom as many times as she would have us do it during the night. So we strap her into the ATN, put a “chuck” (disposable bed liner) between her and the bed and then she is in for the night.
That doesn't mean that she doesn't call us, freak out, and hallucinate at night, so we still have to get up and tell her to pee in the ATN. Sometimes she gets it, but mostly she just wants US to do her bidding, or make sense of her latest delusion. It's like trying to understand a LSD trippin-hippie at a San Francisco love-in.
It is always a special moment coaching her to pee in the ATN. Communication is so relaxed and beautiful when she is raving about seeing her goddess mother and spewing her random truths like Charlie Sheen in his latest video, she is just that passionate and opinionated, in a drunk slurring speech sort of way. Those eyes...they get so angry even while they are so blank. At night, her brain is like a monkey throwing feces, her eyes are open, her mouth is running, but is she really aware? She remembers none of it the next day. But we remember, and it is hard to let go of those feelings when she is complaining of how tired she is.
I have been feeling really hateful towards the doctors that treated grandma during her last massive heart-attack in 2008. She was 86 years old when that heart attack happened. Hey! Docs…you kept her heart beating, but you forgot all about bringing the brain online. When I look at my grandmother now, I see a woman for whom no great favors have been done. They fought so hard to save her and shortly there-after she was put into hospice, for guess what??? End stage heart disease, she is dying! She lost her wits, her independence, she is confused most of the time, and is so weak and short-of-breath, that someone must be within calling distance of her for the rest of her life which may be 10 minutes or 10 years from now.
My mother wasn’t ready to lose her mother. Some days she still isn’t. I think now my mother questions the decisions that she made in the hospital during those weeks of heroic care. The doctors did what she wanted them to do. Mom is certainly disappointed that grandma lost most of her short-term memory and her ability to reason. Who are we to interpret God’s will? I am no one. I do however believe that man stood in the way of God’s will the day my grandma had her heart-attack and he did it because my mother wasn’t ready to let go. Are you ready yet mom?
I really hope that after all this is done with that she doesn’t read any Stephen King novels. Grandma's plot is already picked and paid for, we dont' need any last minute changes.
I’m leaving tomorrow and getting on that plane on Thursday, and it can't happen soon enough. I am acutely aware of how much the last 2 years have cost me. I feel that if I didn’t have this opportunity leave it behind for a little while, I may lose my own precious wits. I'd feel giddy right now if today was over. I had made a promise to my mother that the next time my husband worked late that I would put grandma to bed for her. Guess what? Today he works late. So I get the booby-prize.
This surely must be the longest caregiving day of my life. I feel like grandma is calling me twice as much, her crap smells 10x worse than usual, and it is sticking to her bum just that much more.
I just want to make it through the day.
This should be my last post until my return in April. I’ll be back on duty April 11th. I wish I could take you all with me. Love you guys! Take care and keep a light on for me.
Headbanger
lovbob
Happy going away HB, we will be thinking of you and praying for your safety and hoping you are having the time of your life..
Christina, don't know how you are holding up thru all the noise and caregiving. Lots of admiration for you.
JAM hugs across the miles, do you take the pillow with you at all times, sorta like a six-gun strapped to your leg??
To everyone else, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
My best friend from down home is working in Austin this week, so is going to come by Fri and spend the night before going back home... I have something to look forward to A good motivation to see if I can vacuum from the wheel chair. Get the house smelly good for company... we will set on the porch, smoke and she'll get me caught up on all the down home gossip. I will tell her about all ya'll and what great love and support I get from everyone.
she is a hopice RN, travels all over Texas for the company she works for. So will get some good suggestions for Ruth's homecoming. I am excited to get to see her.
Am loving all ya'll and praying for laughter if not real relief. Hugs to all.
Wheel chair & all!
What fun to have an old friend visit! She must be strong ... a hospice nurse. A true Earth Angel.
Share us with her? Share her with us too.
Look at us now.
This thread is our ...
PARTY LINE!
"hang up the phone, would ya?"
Who remembers those days?
Doing our best despite occassional outbursts of sanity.
(sanity)
How are you this evening? TV on?
Several people have met Monty Man & believe he is one of those cats from Outer Space.
I have limited our social contacts ...
He is very special. Thanks ~
At least a distraction ...
This is a way too long phase of sad events for you ....
(Feel proud ... he was born male & continued the routine behaviors despite his surgery)
there are people who can remain calm & perky no matter what devastating events life hits them with
And there are us.
Not every bump in the road staggers us but when it comes to those we care for ...
those aren't "calming bumps" on my roadway.
(Calming bumps used to be called speed bumps before the neighborhood became politically correct)
I have loved & cared for many men. Many have cared for & depended on me.
Key word: "Depended".
The term "Reliable" enters the picture.
Huh?
Being a self reliant lady is a bitch.
Now figure out that deinition of the word 'Bitch"?
Getting deep tonight waiting for TLC.