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Got a friend with the same problem. Can someone go with her? My friend usually talks her into waiting until she can go for a long weekend. I think her mom is now 93 and does still drive (less than 1 mi) but she has gotten lost in town. Thank goodness I don't have that problem with mom. My MIL gets one of the 4 kids to drive her from Bangor, ME to Aiken, SC every Nov. or Dec. in her car. Then she goes back to Maine all summer and fall and either drives or gets someone to drive her. I don't think a deaf person who swallows her hearing aid should drive at all.
I would take her keys away and tell her she lost them. Maybe she'll forget about it.
Morning everyone....trying to read all the posts and then it's gone for me for awhile......back is KILLING ME!!!! Already one pain med on board...going for another one soon.
Still............after arguing with the col about driving the best thing you can do is either take the keys away or just disable the darn car. We argued with her over and over to the point that I was just furious......so my son disconnected the distributor...problem solved, end of whining and bitching.
The Weather Channel says KC got less than an inch of snow....tell that to the 5 inches on my deck please......it's melting thank goodness...ready for Spring.
Kimaz.....don't you dare feel guilty about trying to hang onto some type of life! I've asked before and I will again.....can anyone show me where it's written that our lives have to be tossed in the trash can because we care for a loved one? Hopefully, if the Good Lord wills it, I will still be here after the col, and I would like to have the remainder of my life be something other than being a broken-down depressed mess.
I bought the CitruScent from amazon....a little pricey but worth every penny. It doesn't mask the odor...it gets rid of it.
I keep forgetting to ask if anyone has discovered and uses the soap.com site? I found it several months ago and love it. Some things are cheaper at Wal-Mart....but I pay $7.95 for toilet paper that is $9.96 at WM.....laundry detergent, a lot of household cleaners, paper products.....shipped to your door in 2 days....it is so worth it.
That's all I can do for now.....back to my bed and pillows...behind my back, not over anyone's face....:)
Guys, that's easier said than done... my aunt lives in Indiana and we're in alabama... gonna speak w/ her children, my cuzs tonight, yikes this woman was stopped by a helicopter about thirty years ago when she was driving, stil don't know the full story of that one, lol
My aunt is 91 and mom is going to be 85. It was easy taking her keys away from her years ago... my dad is going to be the problem in a couple of years, oh Lord I can see the arguement now, yike!!!
Maybe there is nothing wrong with your Aunt's depth perception and reaction time. I would be concerned about that. My Mother was very good about giving up her car keys--then she could be MORE Dependent on others. Oh, Heaven. Her last husband was awful about it, and I would not let my daughter ride with him, and told him outright. Hurt his feelings. Too bad, so sad. Better than being killed, doncha think?
Piss an applesauce, applesauce an piss What the hell kind of life is this Tell me I'm selfish, Tell me I'm wrong Why do the disgusting ones live so long Yes, I still love you. Yes, I do care... But somehow I lost my whole life way back there That day we invited you into our home To care for and be for when you became "on your own" They say it's my Duty. That love ends a chore But I'm losing my mind and I've lost so much more I lie in bed restless, wonder what it's all for I gave up on hope I stopped counting the days I gave up on normal in so many ways I gave up on courage I gave up on Thanks I gave up on family, when they circled ranks and Left me with the full time job of you, jeeze thanks I've watched my life's habits and hobbies fall through That too is my fault they tell me it's true I have lost hours of sleep, friends and a job I get advice, hints and brow beating from well meaning snobs The one's who say they know the inside of you But have never done this or known this to even have a clue Some say they're like children Some say they are gifts All I feel, is in living, I got the short shrift I don't get dental, I don't even get paid I put all your needs first, all else can wait They say be sentimental and you'll feel no more pain You owe them forgiveness, you've no one to blame They say it is Family and as it should be They go home themselves I go home without me They don't clean the messes, they don't get the grief They've not got a damn idea, is my belief While parenting's described as the toughest job you'll ever love An Elder Care Giving has got me so mental and so totally lost I don't even recall when someone pulled out the rug and now All my days bleed into one another of piss and applesauce
Hi Everyone. Hubby and I are home. I hated to leave his family but I got work and we got shit to do like find a house. We are considering looking up near where his parents live. We will go back on Saturday if not before. His mom had a big day yesterday. Lots of visitors and was awake and talking for quite some time. Her brother is a minister and prayed over her for a miracle. Today, is a different story. She doesn't look so good. I told hubby not to be surprised if we get a call. SIL and BIL are doing such an awesome job with their mom. BIL is really good at getting her to eat and drink. I worked on getting all the laundry caught up and did some cleaning. I came home and found that my friend that died in the nursing home left me a little something. How sweet of her. It is not a lot but it will help us. I'm gonna give her the biggest hug when I die and go to heaven. She left a lot to charity also such as her church, the Senior Center, The Humane Society, and Homeward Bound which finds homes for stray cats and dogs. And of course her nieces and nephews and other people that she loved. That is so awesome, especially the donations to places that help animals. I am on such an emotional roller coaster. Going back to work tomorrow. Thank You All for thinking of me and for the prayers. Love yous!!
miz
Jen, you are such a GOOD writer. I am so impressed. Wow!!
Wow, jsomebody. I've read your poem - song - tribute so many times already. You people really do get it. I sit here amazed. I told one of my sisters about this whole thread and I don't think she got it. I could hear displeasure in the silence - like I shouldn't laugh at things that happen. But i've been in a better mood since finding you. I had a lot more patience today. Hubby noticed, so he read some posts. Thank you so much.
Welcome, seemeride. I am sorry. I have been preoccupied. I am glad this thread is helping you. Don't worry about what your sister thinks. You are not hurting anyone and are helping you and your hubby and the person you are caring for. More patience is good!! :)
"Hear her displeasure in silence" ~ Yeoww! How many of us know about that?
Just tell em "Bite Me". Another historic phrase that works for us. Add the "Amber Jane" factor & you'll really stump them.
Is there a way we can inform our new mates about some of our lingo? I should have saved key posts on a flash drive or something. If I had one. Always afterthought I'm computer limited. Some of us must be savvy. Peach?
Whose Lori? We have a Lori! Welcome Lady Lori! You obviously "Get it"! It feels great to be understood! This thread has become another Home for many of us.
I am tired & rummy. Many late night calls with catheter problems. Then the crap .... So it goes .... & also goes dignity. Alas ....
Seemeride, Screw 'em....if this site helps you to keep your sanity what is the harm? If we can't have a little comic relief our heads would blow off!!!! There have been days that this site IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME FROM JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE!!!!!!!! Tell your Sis that and she may get a new attitude!!
Wow, I'm new here and these comments really help. I feel better already. My uncle moans when he eats, dribbles food all over himself, refuses to wear a bib because it is undignifying, yet he passes gas (more like explodes) when he gets up from the dinner table (and doesn't say a word) and walks around with dried milk flaking off his face and a rainbow of other dried foods stuck to his clothing. Which apparently is way more dignifying than wearing a bib or putting on clean clothes every once in a while. And washing his hands or flushing the toilet is out of the question. Yuck!
Jen, you express angst with the best: Rod McKuen, Leonard Cohen, Elizabeth Barrett, Browning, etc. Poignant, memorable. Thank you for sharing your talent. Hugs, christina
CareShare - You're not new now. You're part of Grossed! WIsh you could escape it, huh? Miz is right. Diagnosis doesn't stop the behavior but it might open up knowledge on how to deal with it.
Have some fun going back on some of our comments. COnsidr it a mental health break even tho it doesn't allow you to escape. More like reassurance.
Hi mizunderstood10, My uncle has mild dementia, but he is almost deaf, can't smell anything and grew up during the great depression in a city with public water. Flushing, washing etc wasted $ (to him) and he still has that mindset. I have to put diaper rash cream on his butt every day and he wants me to use my bare hand instead of 'wasting' a half of a paper towel. Now I do believe in protecting the planet and trees, but I just draw the line at that. He could actually do this himself, but always asks me to do it for him. It's like he is saying 'kiss my @*#'
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would take her keys away and tell her she lost them. Maybe she'll forget about it.
Still............after arguing with the col about driving the best thing you can do is either take the keys away or just disable the darn car. We argued with her over and over to the point that I was just furious......so my son disconnected the distributor...problem solved, end of whining and bitching.
The Weather Channel says KC got less than an inch of snow....tell that to the 5 inches on my deck please......it's melting thank goodness...ready for Spring.
Kimaz.....don't you dare feel guilty about trying to hang onto some type of life! I've asked before and I will again.....can anyone show me where it's written that our lives have to be tossed in the trash can because we care for a loved one? Hopefully, if the Good Lord wills it, I will still be here after the col, and I would like to have the remainder of my life be something other than being a broken-down depressed mess.
I bought the CitruScent from amazon....a little pricey but worth every penny. It doesn't mask the odor...it gets rid of it.
I keep forgetting to ask if anyone has discovered and uses the soap.com site? I found it several months ago and love it. Some things are cheaper at Wal-Mart....but I pay $7.95 for toilet paper that is $9.96 at WM.....laundry detergent, a lot of household cleaners, paper products.....shipped to your door in 2 days....it is so worth it.
That's all I can do for now.....back to my bed and pillows...behind my back, not over anyone's face....:)
Love and Hugz to all!
Jam
My Mother was very good about giving up her car keys--then she could be MORE Dependent on others. Oh, Heaven. Her last husband was awful about it, and I would not let my daughter ride with him, and told him outright. Hurt his feelings.
Too bad, so sad. Better than being killed, doncha think?
What the hell kind of life is this
Tell me I'm selfish, Tell me I'm wrong
Why do the disgusting ones live so long
Yes, I still love you. Yes, I do care...
But somehow I lost my whole life way back there
That day we invited you into our home
To care for and be for when you became "on your own"
They say it's my Duty. That love ends a chore
But I'm losing my mind and I've lost so much more
I lie in bed restless, wonder what it's all for
I gave up on hope
I stopped counting the days
I gave up on normal in so many ways
I gave up on courage
I gave up on Thanks
I gave up on family, when they circled ranks and
Left me with the full time job of you, jeeze thanks
I've watched my life's habits and hobbies fall through
That too is my fault they tell me it's true
I have lost hours of sleep, friends and a job
I get advice, hints and brow beating from well meaning snobs
The one's who say they know the inside of you
But have never done this or known this to even have a clue
Some say they're like children
Some say they are gifts
All I feel, is in living, I got the short shrift
I don't get dental, I don't even get paid
I put all your needs first, all else can wait
They say be sentimental and you'll feel no more pain
You owe them forgiveness, you've no one to blame
They say it is Family and as it should be
They go home themselves I go home without me
They don't clean the messes, they don't get the grief
They've not got a damn idea, is my belief
While parenting's described as the toughest job you'll ever love
An Elder Care Giving has got me so mental and so totally lost
I don't even recall when someone pulled out the rug and now
All my days bleed into one another of piss and applesauce
Didn't someone say they had a hubby who could rap? Right there are the lyrics.
miz
Jen, you are such a GOOD writer. I am so impressed. Wow!!
K, gonna go for now. So worried about my MIL.
love,
miz
I told one of my sisters about this whole thread and I don't think she got it. I could hear displeasure in the silence - like I shouldn't laugh at things that happen. But i've been in a better mood since finding you. I had a lot more patience today. Hubby noticed, so he read some posts. Thank you so much.
Yeoww! How many of us know about that?
Just tell em "Bite Me". Another historic phrase that works for us.
Add the "Amber Jane" factor & you'll really stump them.
Is there a way we can inform our new mates about some of our lingo? I should have saved key posts on a flash drive or something. If I had one. Always afterthought
I'm computer limited.
Some of us must be savvy.
Peach?
We have a Lori!
Welcome Lady Lori!
You obviously "Get it"!
It feels great to be understood!
This thread has become another Home for many of us.
I am tired & rummy. Many late night calls with catheter problems.
Then the crap ....
So it goes ....
& also goes dignity.
Alas ....
Screw 'em....if this site helps you to keep your sanity what is the harm? If we can't have a little comic relief our heads would blow off!!!! There have been days that this site IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME FROM JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE!!!!!!!!
Tell your Sis that and she may get a new attitude!!
Thank you for sharing your talent. Hugs, christina
You're not new now. You're part of Grossed! WIsh you could escape it, huh?
Miz is right. Diagnosis doesn't stop the behavior but it might open up knowledge on how to deal with it.
Have some fun going back on some of our comments. COnsidr it a mental health break even tho it doesn't allow you to escape.
More like reassurance.
His Highness needs me ....
again
nothing on your mind & we just did a time shift?
Be easy on yourself, Please?
Here is a good distraction.
His highness indeed.
I hope you can get some sleep soon.
Some guys can sleep no matter what.
Buy gloves at the wholesale store or online. No amount of Purell can cut thru many of those aromas.
Ask Chaquita