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Checking in for just a bit....have spent the day again whining on the bed.....hubby is beginning to wonder if I might not be looking at either a kidney stone or bad gallbladder. Please Lord I don't need that now! Should have seen me with the col and trying to get her undies changed without telling her my back was killing me....that would have been the excuse she needed to wear the same wet drawers all night....ewwwww! Looked at her face and there is a brown smear from her right eye to her hairline.....just for an instant I thought poop!!! Then I realized it was the dreaded mascara...she's only had it on for 9 days....gonna have to hog-tie her and take it off....I suggested she do that tonight and I got the pissy, ignoring look. Ah such is life...:)
miz how is mil doing today? Hope she is resting comfortably.
rip, that email was a stitch...glad my hubby knows how to cook!
Did anyone ever hear from bonnie? Still worried about her.
Where's linda? Haven't seen from her today.......I've got a holler too.....on the back side of the pond..:)
I see we have more new angels joining us.....welcome and hope you stay around......we are a good mental-saving bunch.....I also would have jumped off a bridge if I didn't have these wonderful people hanging onto my feet.....
Vicodan is wearing off.....time to hit the rum and coke.....
Hey Careshare, just tell your uncle that they grow certain forests now just for paper towels, toliet paper, napkins, etc. Growers are paid just for that and they employ alot of people, which in turn helps out our declining economy now! :)
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!' The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad'. 'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien.. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. 'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?' The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear !!!
Jam, MIL is hanging in there. She did not look good when we left today. Feel like I am waiting for a dreaded call but I need to be doing more praying for a miracle.
cuz, nope, I think it's trashed. Hubby told me we would get me a new one. Hopefully I can get a deal with Verizon. They take a lot of our money each month for the laptop internet access and my cell phone.
K, gonna have one more smoke and hit the hay. Thanks to all of you for being here for me. It's lonely being away from hubby's family and you guys truly help.
Hey stillstanding you can check with the Secretary Of State where she gets her drivers license and you can fill out a form stating that she needs to be re-evaluated for driving. In Michigan that means a full road test, written tests, eye test and what ever else they want to throw at you. If they deem it nessisary they reject the license and you are done driving. We did that for my father-in-law when he was 91 and when he was supposed to go for the tests he was in the hospital at the time and didn't make the appointment so they suspended his license so he couldn't drive anymore. You don't have to put your name on the form so no one knows who asked for it.
Jam thank you so much for thinking of me. I really appreciate it. The last few days of my life have been an emotional roller coaster. I tried to reach out to my sisters for some help with Mom and Dad and their advice was as I expected "put them in a nursing home."
Also, had some giant issues with my daughter who ran away about 2 years ago and let her 7 and 9 year old children here without even a good bye. She wants me to come to Orlando Florida and visit her. What???? She has been here to Pennsylvania about everyother month, has not bothered to visit or call me, yet she wants me to fly to Florida and spend time with her?????? I have just really had a "sucky" few days and have thought about running away from home.
Anyone have any idea on how to deal with someone with ALZ that constantly argues about everything?
Thanks for the compliments, just felt like venting in rhyme...no idea. Honestly. Mostly just pissed he is making us literally ill and mentally bug house and if his care takes years of my mothers life...well that is a whole nother poem. Think miz' hub can do the rap. but he won't be singing for a while...miz hope mil is peaceful if nothing else. Any news?
Hello to new people, ya either get us or ya don't, and we don't all agree on all things but most of us like that this is a place where we Can say how we feel about these complex situations, without getting the "Screaming Silence, the "look" or chewd out for complaining about what is hard, drudgery and often very gross work that no one wants to do but we should be glad to do becasue we are related to our subjects. Whatever... Hello to all hope it is OK where ever you are...J in Spokane...
Kimaz, what a story... Difficult times. We are getting stronger "thanks to" the life we are leading. Much wiser. More tolerant. We are going through hell, sometimes. I hope it will be useful, in the future! Jam, I know very well that feeling... you are there, the early hours of the morning, you enjoy peace, beauty, silence (apart from the goose) and all over sudden a person arrives and breaks and ruins that peace and tranquillity. Patience, my dear! Wake up one hour before... So you'll have more time to enjoy...
Bonnie, what a story, you too! My advice to deal with an Alz who argues about everything? Plug your ear, don't listen and say: "Yes, yes" and continue to do what you have to do! Well, sometimes I argue back and I continue to do what I have to do. Otherwise, my mother would not have washed and changed her diaper once in the last two years.
btw I have been struck by the "caregiver's spell" I have fattened 10 libs since last summer!!!!! I couldn't believe the weighing machine or whatever you call that beastly little thing that says you have fattened
About arguing: it take 2 to argue. It makes you more frustrated to argue. No one wins, especially the sane one. I agree with rosella. You can respond with the Pledge of Allegiance, and put an end to the problem. It takes a shift in your perspective to deal with "this disease" as many call it. You can walk away, you can let them have their way, or let them think they are right--what's wrong with that? You can't pretend? However you decide to respond, they are still going to be who they are, doing what they are doing. Arguing with them is more stressful for them and compounds the problem. The Alz.Org recommends never arguing with the nutso patient. Diffuse the caustic energy. Shift into a loving, positive mode. It really does work, and you will feel better, too. They are still crazy and a pain in the ass, but you win. I would tell you a story of a nasty 86 year old customer I had 20 year ago when I was in my mere 30's, who I turned around for good with my approach, but no one would be interested. Amazing how a person can live for 86 years and not get it, and I already did at a very young age. Probably from having to navigate around a very self-centered, angry Mother, always trying to make her happy, and avoiding the abstract wire hanger. Living life, to me, is supposed to make you better, stronger, wiser, versatile. This job of caring for a demented person is another stretch for ones patience, character, compassion, empathy, perspective, and balance. What Nietzsche said.
Miz, my thoughts are with you and hubby as you go through this, And I wanted to take a moment to thank you for all the concern, compassion and friendship you've given to me, to us. I hope you realize how much you mean to us. As Rip said, try to go easy on yourself, and hubby. Love you.
Good morning Ted, hope things are going a little better for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. hang tough, Miz, as always, you and your family are being sent a lot of prayers. Tell Mr. Miz that we are all hurting for him and his sister.
Tell me, Does anyone else get into this cycle of feeling alright and feeling down, over and over, with no real reason for the changes? Am I dealing with BiPolar or something? It's as though I start off feeling OK, move on to being a little happy and excited about small things, then begin to feel good (like I used to everyday) and then BAM!, I start resenting being chained down and unable to go out in the world and live, get depressed, feel like nothings worth anything, until I start to feel ok again and the whole things starts over.
I don't know what the time frame is, if there is one.
any ideas? Moon-cycles? A little Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde thing going on, or am I just tired of this rut I got myself into?
Morning friends. So, get to the hospital yesterday as it is my spring break and out of the blue, not one word of this earlier, "Your mom is being released to a skilled nursing facility this afternoon. Where do you want to go?" WHAT???? No more warning than that. You basically have an hour to figure this out? So I jump in the car and start driving, visiting the three in our city. Also, why are they not allowed to give you a recommendation? Who comes up with that? Guessing the Federal Government. Anyway, thank God I drove around as two were TERRIBLE so was able to get her a bed in the third. Finally got results of the biopsy that she has a T4, Stage 3 colon cancer. She still has not decided if she even wants treatment. As she again, saw all my sister endured and after her stroke and heart transplant hates EVERYTHING about hospitals, etc. I don't know what she will decide. Having all of this happening has also brought to the forefront my newly single status and I am BITTER about coming home to no one and not able to share this burden with my spouse who just couldn't hack it. Oh, sorry it got hard, for better or worse? Remember? Does wishing bad karma on others bring bad karma to me? Note to self: Meditate more and mellow out.
Oh and somehow I have missed the piss and applesauce story or meaning....
Ted, I would say that cycle is normal. I think if you didn't have the times where you feel alright you would go a bit crazy. No one can do what we do/did without feeling down. I don't care what anyone says. It is no tropical vacation or like running through a meadow filled with flowers. It's very difficult. And we are human. I hope this makes sense and helps a little.
Kima, I am so sorry about the news about your mom and your resentment towards your ex-husband is understandable. You are only human. It has to suck going through this alone. I'm really sorry. Keep venting on this thread. And yes meditation will help. Deep breaths too. I think bobbie says in through your nose and out your mouth.
Careshare - the body noises drive me insane! I am trying very hard to block them out. My COL goinks when she eats, belches from her toes(makes you want to puke), and the farts sound like she is passing a baby elephant. And she sighs...sighs and sighs. I also have the hygiene issues.
good gloomy morning , raining out like we realy need it , kim- im sorry to hear about ur mom s colon cancer . gosh she has been thru so much ! if she were to have chemo it prob make her sicker , yes i know they have u decide where to put her to rehab . they did that to my dad , gave me several places to pick i picked the one that my daughter used to work at . there all done ... still hated it . wonder why does she has to go to rehab for ? what good does it do for stage 4 ? give u more time off i recond ? am so sorry . i lost my mom 21 yrs ago , she had cancer , it spread like wild fire and she suffered so much , horrible cancer i hate them ! miz- hope today is a good day for u and hubby . bet its raining where ure at , love you girl ... christina- yes arguein sucks ! i usualy throw my hands up in the air and say ok whatever and walk away . inside of me im boiling . (margaritta time ) .. ted- im sorry ure going thru the changing mood mode , happy one min then feelin sad the next . what ure going thru is no pincini . all i can do is to keep myself from gagging . somebody said dad so tight and gripes about using so much toilet paper . cream on his butt with bare hands , i started gagging and thought oh u gagging , the first time i had to wipe my dad s butt i didnt even know gloves exits ! thought its only at doc s and hospitals only carries them . oh i had dad s bm on my fingers ahhhhhhh ! i wash my hands for the longest time and i could still feel that bm on my fingers and was afraid to smell my hands . daughter brought home some gloves (shes cna) oh i was jumpin with joy ! i still get bm all over the gloves , even tho i tried to becareful . i love my gloves so very much and i dont dare to get low on it ! theyre like 10 bucks a box with 100 in it , i dont care i still love em ... plus daugther brings home a hand full everyeday . oh thank u dear . GLOVES are a must , bonnie o- so wonderful to hear from you ! did u leave facebook ? austin - THINKING OF YOU . i better get off here and get bfast a going . have a wonderful day you all . xoxoxox
ram- lets run down the hollow !!!! see if we dont spill our speiacl drinks :-) maybe i ll plant some daisy s all down the hill and up the hill , it be a good runnin down the hill , wooooo . then we cant make it back up the hill . lol . i had a hard time gettin back up but i made it after few tries . lol
If you are bi-polar then so am I lol. When this all atrted there was this urge and emergency to it all. Poor lady,I was gonna do whatever it took to make her comfortable in my home for the rest of her life. I had experience, am a very patient person, and knew that for some reason the lord wanted to put her here. The first couple months were fine,not a lot bothered me,I knew it would take time to adjust,then I started getting annoyed by little things, followed by nights where I would litterly cry and wonder what had I gotten myself into,major pitty party for myself and my kids.It got better I realized kids are amazing, and this would teach them a lot about compassion and things were better(for a while)then I was shown some of her dr.reports,and noticed a lot of little things that make me suspect she has the beggining of some sort of dementia. Then it hit me one day that this could go on for years and get much worse. And how my kids wil be no tellings how old and will have missed so many things before this is all over with. And I was depressed again. Its got better now, and I promised god I would quit complaining if he would just take care of everyone and everything. So I have been stoping myself from complaining. And it seems better. This also happens from morning to nighttime. Everything will be fine starting out the day then bam,I get annoyed and stay that way throughout the day, or vise versa. Its normal. There mood changes and ours changes with it. Somtimes our moods change and causes theirs too:) one thing about working in thew nursing home you never knew what kinda day you were gonna have it all depended on there mood.
Ted, you sound perfectly normal for someone cooped up with no freedom. There is a lot of negative energy on the planet right now due to the earthquake, tsunami, and exacerbated turmoil in Africa and the middle East. You can just feel it in the air. You have heightened awareness from being hyper-vigilant caring for your Mom, and the stress from NYsis, ETC. You are a sensitive, caring individual who pays attention to every detail of your day, so you absorb more. I think a lot of us are like that, and maybe it's a form of "battle fatigue"--being "on" for extended periods of time with no relief in sight. That's why we're here, huh? Big Hugs, Brother. Christina
DITTO, allshesgot. especially the "years and years" part. I stop myself when I start bargaining with God. That gets scary. It's like praying for patience. Don't ever do it. You get things to deal with that go on and on until all you can do is have patience.
jen, what a poem! as in Nailed It. Jen, you're a genius, but we've all known that since the beginning.
welcome to Lori and careshare I am glad that the new folks are posting! Vent on! and keep venting and to hell with the people who don't 'get it'. 99% of them don't get it and won't get it because it's too REAL for them and they don't want their tidy little world rattled.
careshare: your uncle has dementia, it's a progressive disease so the behaviors are going to get even more bizarre. Wear gloves to do body work with him and brook no bs when he 'acts out'. you can be firm and loving. i know because of my mom who was a nightmare and if she had her way she would have never bathed or flushed or whatever. you do it for them because they can't do it for themselves anymore. sux. doesn't mean that it's not gross or you want to barf or where the hell has my life gone, it just is and here we all are. keep in mind that it IS the disease that is making him walk around wiht food on himself and etc etc etc. handheld mirror in one hand and a warm washcloth in the other is a good one, as in: whoa, look at this... let me help you with that. don't even try to make sense of it all, it's like playing whack a mole with a soupbone. He's going to fight like the dickens but you tell him that he has to wash, I'll help you, I'm wearing gloves and after lunch I'm going to string paper towels around the back yard. I like the suggestion about the paper towel industry... can't remember who wrote that but woohoo funny.
BonnieO! it's SO good to hear from you and I'm sorry that it's been tough. Ow. We can't be there and kick some butt for you but you can come here and know that we're all sending cyber daggers to anyone who hurts you. And that goes for everybody!!
Ted, yes it's so normal that you are feeling that way. I did the exact same. some days I was all: I can handle this no matter what and most days I was ready to lay down and die. vicious cycle and I really don't have any answers for it except that I took an anti depressant when I was caring for mom and like I've mentioned before have stopped that now that the most depressing time I have even been a part of has passed by. Love you Ted and I so wish I had that magic wand.
Cuz!! Hilarious! Man, you sure brighten up the Thread. We're lucky you're here!
Ya Rossella, Nik is figuring out the Cat... Speaking of the Cat... Guess who made a jump at the boat and missed yesterday? The Cat. into the drink she went, the current swept her under the dock and luckily there was the party for the yard going on and the dock was full of guys who like Cats. She was yowling her head off and when the current pushed her into a piling she clawed her way out of the water but was still too far down to reach. One of the guys lay down on the dock and finally got ahold of her scruff and hauled her up to me, soaking wet and screaming with all knives showing. I grabbed her to my chest to keep her from slashing me to bits and only got a few pokes. We got her dried off and on the boat and we think she has Catsheimer's because today she's acting like she wants to go out again. Nuts to that. She's trying to walk the rub rail on the boat (3" wide.. and then tapers off to zip). The difference between a Cat and a Dog? Dog looks at it and thinks: certain death Cat looks at it and thinks: I can make it.... hence the 9 lives. Jeeze whatta freak out.
ssk, how goes it? Miz... love you gurl and will *see* from you again when you get your phone... glad to hear that your mil had a good day with family and friends. They will do that. Be all active and awake and the next day too pooped to pop. You're so strong Miz.
christina! great posts as always.
Rip! so glad you are posting more because you always have great things to say and are so supportive. hope you and Ted do some lettering!!
Chill!! Deef!! Flex!! Maxine!! Peach!! Allshesgot!! Ladeeda!! how is your knee? Linda! kiss Pa for me! holler on this!! Jam, you've got a holler too? StillStanding!! ahhhh the old driving the car issue. Cuz has the answer so no one is the 'bad' guy.... My mom got into an accident and she was hurt bad but luckily no one else was hurt. She maintained that she was pressing on the brake but I think she was pressing on the accelerator because she said that 'it kept going faster and faster'. She never copped to, or understood that she was backwards and told the story over and over and cited some 'facts' about that particular model and other 'stuck throttle' issues. anyone would think that she was totally sane. The elderly driving is a menace. It is not ok to kill or hurt someone else because they are prideful and demented. Harsh but true.
Did anyone post to cnn about the caregiver ireports?
more later, got to go to work on the boat. love you guys and for the folks I missed, please check in!! ppj... whassup??
Good Morning!!!! Coffee in hand...hubby let the dogs out....found a position that doesn't hurt as badly, now going to try and answer.
Bonnie......thank you for answering back...I have been so worried about you....one of your last posts was so sad that I wanted to help you but didn't know how at the time. You have a lot on your plate. Sounds like you have a daughter that could be twins with mine...I used to call my middle child "my Johnson County soccer mom" (Johnson co kansas is where people live in their big houses, multiple cars and boats in the driveway, no furniture in the house cuz they can't afford it after buying the "look at me" house), she wouldn't dare set foot in Wal-Mart, y'all know the type. She thought I should drop and run whenever she wanted me to.....oh gee dear I just got home from a 24-hr shift without any sleep.....so now I'm just a %%$##*((**.....so she can sit in her palace in Denver where they moved and just love her little self all day long. In other words Bonnie, your daughter needs to come to you.....she left, she can come back. Do you have anyone who can come in and watch mom and dad for a couple of days at least to allow you some rest? Can you do something like Ted did with the respite care? As for the arguing with a demented mind....bobbie was who reached out and slapped me up along side my dense head and reminded me that there IS NO ARGUING with dementia....I quit arguing with the col and she has been so much happier in her little "field of daisies" world....me too for that matter! You want to wear mascara globbed on your eyes...go right ahead...want to feed the dog anything you want...go right ahead...want to sit on your a** all day and watch CNN...go right ahead.....BUT what you won't do is go without a bath, change of sopping wet drawers and not letting the dog OUTSIDE TO PEE!!! When it comes time to replace the carpet it will be on her dime, not mine. As Christina says, it takes 2 to argue and I'm trying to take the high road...doesn't mean I succeed all the time, but I'm trying.
rossella...as soon as this caregiver's body adjusts to daylight saving time I will start getting up earlier again and get outside to enjoy all by myself....maybe I'll let hubby outside too...lol. A few years ago we bought this huge patio "glider" thing, has a cover on top, two benches that face each other with a table in the middle and it glides back and forth.....we put it on the lower deck and I love to sit out there with my coffee, the sun coming up, the birds singing...it is so peaceful and calming.
Ted.....the symptoms you describe are those of depression. If you are not taking anything may I suggest a visit to your doctor? I know it's none of my business, but it is so easy for us to forget about "me"....we are so concerned about taking care of our loved one. And get samples, don't pay for a script. And yes I also go through that emotional roller coaster.....I can be on top of the world, then SLAM!!!!! I'm bouncing my head off the concrete and all I want to do is sit in the corner talking to myself.....sometimes our brains just get overloaded and a little chemical help is what we need to boost us back up into the realities of the world. We all have stressful lives and we can't expect to be Mary Poppins all the time......though there are some here who think we should be....OBMAJ...:)
christina....I want to hear the story of the 86 year old customer.
Hubby just told the col she can't have anymore bacon....she won't eat it...she has been cooking it and feeding it to the dog. All she wants are banquet frozen dinners and her protein drinks and of course tons of coffee.
Sun is shining....hopefully the rest of this snow will melt today and it will really be Spring! Will check in later.....
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miz how is mil doing today? Hope she is resting comfortably.
rip, that email was a stitch...glad my hubby knows how to cook!
Did anyone ever hear from bonnie? Still worried about her.
Where's linda? Haven't seen from her today.......I've got a holler too.....on the back side of the pond..:)
I see we have more new angels joining us.....welcome and hope you stay around......we are a good mental-saving bunch.....I also would have jumped off a bridge if I didn't have these wonderful people hanging onto my feet.....
Vicodan is wearing off.....time to hit the rum and coke.....
Love and Hugz to all of you!
Jam
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'
The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad'.
'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien.. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear !!!
cuz, nope, I think it's trashed. Hubby told me we would get me a new one. Hopefully I can get a deal with Verizon. They take a lot of our money each month for the laptop internet access and my cell phone.
K, gonna have one more smoke and hit the hay. Thanks to all of you for being here for me. It's lonely being away from hubby's family and you guys truly help.
love,
miz
Also, had some giant issues with my daughter who ran away about 2 years ago and let her 7 and 9 year old children here without even a good bye. She wants me to come to Orlando Florida and visit her. What???? She has been here to Pennsylvania about everyother month, has not bothered to visit or call me, yet she wants me to fly to Florida and spend time with her??????
I have just really had a "sucky" few days and have thought about running away from home.
Anyone have any idea on how to deal with someone with ALZ that constantly argues about everything?
Think miz' hub can do the rap. but he won't be singing for a while...miz hope mil is peaceful if nothing else. Any news?
Hello to new people, ya either get us or ya don't, and we don't all agree on all things but most of us like that this is a place where we Can say how we feel about these complex situations, without getting the "Screaming Silence, the "look" or chewd out for complaining about what is hard, drudgery and often very gross work that no one wants to do but we should be glad to do becasue we are related to our subjects. Whatever...
Hello to all hope it is OK where ever you are...J in Spokane...
We are getting stronger "thanks to" the life we are leading. Much wiser. More tolerant. We are going through hell, sometimes. I hope it will be useful, in the future!
Jam, I know very well that feeling... you are there, the early hours of the morning, you enjoy peace, beauty, silence (apart from the goose) and all over sudden a person arrives and breaks and ruins that peace and tranquillity.
Patience, my dear!
Wake up one hour before... So you'll have more time to enjoy...
My advice to deal with an Alz who argues about everything? Plug your ear, don't listen and say: "Yes, yes" and continue to do what you have to do!
Well, sometimes I argue back and I continue to do what I have to do. Otherwise, my mother would not have washed and changed her diaper once in the last two years.
I have fattened 10 libs since last summer!!!!!
I couldn't believe the weighing machine or whatever you call that beastly little thing that says you have fattened
However you decide to respond, they are still going to be who they are, doing what they are doing. Arguing with them is more stressful for them and compounds the problem. The Alz.Org recommends never arguing with the nutso patient.
Diffuse the caustic energy. Shift into a loving, positive mode. It really does work, and you will feel better, too. They are still crazy and a pain in the ass, but you win.
I would tell you a story of a nasty 86 year old customer I had 20 year ago when I was in my mere 30's, who I turned around for good with my approach, but no one would be interested. Amazing how a person can live for 86 years and not get it, and I already did at a very young age. Probably from having to navigate around a very self-centered, angry Mother, always trying to make her happy, and avoiding the abstract wire hanger.
Living life, to me, is supposed to make you better, stronger, wiser, versatile. This job of caring for a demented person is another stretch for ones patience, character, compassion, empathy, perspective, and balance.
What Nietzsche said.
As Rip said, try to go easy on yourself, and hubby.
Love you.
Miz, as always, you and your family are being sent a lot of prayers. Tell Mr. Miz that we are all hurting for him and his sister.
Things are a little better I guess.
Tell me, Does anyone else get into this cycle of feeling alright and feeling down, over and over, with no real reason for the changes? Am I dealing with BiPolar or something?
It's as though I start off feeling OK, move on to being a little happy and excited about small things, then begin to feel good (like I used to everyday) and then BAM!, I start resenting being chained down and unable to go out in the world and live, get depressed, feel like nothings worth anything, until I start to feel ok again and the whole things starts over.
I don't know what the time frame is, if there is one.
any ideas? Moon-cycles? A little Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde thing going on, or am I just tired of this rut I got myself into?
Oh and somehow I have missed the piss and applesauce story or meaning....
love,
miz
love,
miz
kim- im sorry to hear about ur mom s colon cancer . gosh she has been thru so much ! if she were to have chemo it prob make her sicker , yes i know they have u decide where to put her to rehab . they did that to my dad , gave me several places to pick i picked the one that my daughter used to work at . there all done ... still hated it . wonder why does she has to go to rehab for ? what good does it do for stage 4 ? give u more time off i recond ? am so sorry . i lost my mom 21 yrs ago , she had cancer , it spread like wild fire and she suffered so much , horrible cancer i hate them !
miz- hope today is a good day for u and hubby . bet its raining where ure at , love you girl ...
christina- yes arguein sucks ! i usualy throw my hands up in the air and say ok whatever and walk away . inside of me im boiling . (margaritta time ) ..
ted- im sorry ure going thru the changing mood mode , happy one min then feelin sad the next . what ure going thru is no pincini . all i can do is to keep myself from gagging .
somebody said dad so tight and gripes about using so much toilet paper . cream on his butt with bare hands , i started gagging and thought oh u gagging ,
the first time i had to wipe my dad s butt i didnt even know gloves exits ! thought its only at doc s and hospitals only carries them . oh i had dad s bm on my fingers ahhhhhhh ! i wash my hands for the longest time and i could still feel that bm on my fingers and was afraid to smell my hands . daughter brought home some gloves (shes cna) oh i was jumpin with joy ! i still get bm all over the gloves , even tho i tried to becareful . i love my gloves so very much and i dont dare to get low on it ! theyre like 10 bucks a box with 100 in it , i dont care i still love em ... plus daugther brings home a hand full everyeday . oh thank u dear . GLOVES are a must ,
bonnie o- so wonderful to hear from you ! did u leave facebook ?
austin - THINKING OF YOU .
i better get off here and get bfast a going . have a wonderful day you all . xoxoxox
jen, what a poem! as in Nailed It. Jen, you're a genius, but we've all known that since the beginning.
welcome to Lori and careshare I am glad that the new folks are posting!
Vent on! and keep venting and to hell with the people who don't 'get it'. 99% of them don't get it and won't get it because it's too REAL for them and they don't want their tidy little world rattled.
careshare: your uncle has dementia, it's a progressive disease so the behaviors are going to get even more bizarre. Wear gloves to do body work with him and brook no bs when he 'acts out'. you can be firm and loving. i know because of my mom who was a nightmare and if she had her way she would have never bathed or flushed or whatever. you do it for them because they can't do it for themselves anymore. sux. doesn't mean that it's not gross or you want to barf or where the hell has my life gone, it just is and here we all are.
keep in mind that it IS the disease that is making him walk around wiht food on himself and etc etc etc.
handheld mirror in one hand and a warm washcloth in the other is a good one, as in: whoa, look at this... let me help you with that.
don't even try to make sense of it all, it's like playing whack a mole with a soupbone.
He's going to fight like the dickens but you tell him that he has to wash, I'll help you, I'm wearing gloves and after lunch I'm going to string paper towels around the back yard. I like the suggestion about the paper towel industry... can't remember who wrote that but woohoo funny.
BonnieO! it's SO good to hear from you and I'm sorry that it's been tough. Ow. We can't be there and kick some butt for you but you can come here and know that we're all sending cyber daggers to anyone who hurts you.
And that goes for everybody!!
Ted, yes it's so normal that you are feeling that way. I did the exact same. some days I was all: I can handle this no matter what and most days I was ready to lay down and die.
vicious cycle and I really don't have any answers for it except that I took an anti depressant when I was caring for mom and like I've mentioned before have stopped that now that the most depressing time I have even been a part of has passed by.
Love you Ted and I so wish I had that magic wand.
Cuz!! Hilarious! Man, you sure brighten up the Thread. We're lucky you're here!
Ya Rossella, Nik is figuring out the Cat... Speaking of the Cat...
Guess who made a jump at the boat and missed yesterday?
The Cat. into the drink she went, the current swept her under the dock and luckily there was the party for the yard going on and the dock was full of guys who like Cats.
She was yowling her head off and when the current pushed her into a piling she clawed her way out of the water but was still too far down to reach. One of the guys lay down on the dock and finally got ahold of her scruff and hauled her up to me, soaking wet and screaming with all knives showing. I grabbed her to my chest to keep her from slashing me to bits and only got a few pokes. We got her dried off and on the boat and we think she has Catsheimer's because today she's acting like she wants to go out again. Nuts to that.
She's trying to walk the rub rail on the boat (3" wide.. and then tapers off to zip).
The difference between a Cat and a Dog?
Dog looks at it and thinks: certain death
Cat looks at it and thinks: I can make it....
hence the 9 lives.
Jeeze whatta freak out.
ssk, how goes it?
Miz... love you gurl and will *see* from you again when you get your phone... glad to hear that your mil had a good day with family and friends. They will do that. Be all active and awake and the next day too pooped to pop.
You're so strong Miz.
christina! great posts as always.
Rip! so glad you are posting more because you always have great things to say and are so supportive. hope you and Ted do some lettering!!
Chill!! Deef!! Flex!! Maxine!! Peach!! Allshesgot!! Ladeeda!! how is your knee?
Linda! kiss Pa for me! holler on this!!
Jam, you've got a holler too?
StillStanding!! ahhhh the old driving the car issue.
Cuz has the answer so no one is the 'bad' guy....
My mom got into an accident and she was hurt bad but luckily no one else was hurt. She maintained that she was pressing on the brake but I think she was pressing on the accelerator because she said that 'it kept going faster and faster'. She never copped to, or understood that she was backwards and told the story over and over and cited some 'facts' about that particular model and other 'stuck throttle' issues. anyone would think that she was totally sane.
The elderly driving is a menace. It is not ok to kill or hurt someone else because they are prideful and demented.
Harsh but true.
Did anyone post to cnn about the caregiver ireports?
more later,
got to go to work on the boat.
love you guys and for the folks I missed, please check in!!
ppj... whassup??
lovbob
Bonnie......thank you for answering back...I have been so worried about you....one of your last posts was so sad that I wanted to help you but didn't know how at the time. You have a lot on your plate. Sounds like you have a daughter that could be twins with mine...I used to call my middle child "my Johnson County soccer mom" (Johnson co kansas is where people live in their big houses, multiple cars and boats in the driveway, no furniture in the house cuz they can't afford it after buying the "look at me" house), she wouldn't dare set foot in Wal-Mart, y'all know the type. She thought I should drop and run whenever she wanted me to.....oh gee dear I just got home from a 24-hr shift without any sleep.....so now I'm just a %%$##*((**.....so she can sit in her palace in Denver where they moved and just love her little self all day long. In other words Bonnie, your daughter needs to come to you.....she left, she can come back. Do you have anyone who can come in and watch mom and dad for a couple of days at least to allow you some rest? Can you do something like Ted did with the respite care? As for the arguing with a demented mind....bobbie was who reached out and slapped me up along side my dense head and reminded me that there IS NO ARGUING with dementia....I quit arguing with the col and she has been so much happier in her little "field of daisies" world....me too for that matter! You want to wear mascara globbed on your eyes...go right ahead...want to feed the dog anything you want...go right ahead...want to sit on your a** all day and watch CNN...go right ahead.....BUT what you won't do is go without a bath, change of sopping wet drawers and not letting the dog OUTSIDE TO PEE!!! When it comes time to replace the carpet it will be on her dime, not mine. As Christina says, it takes 2 to argue and I'm trying to take the high road...doesn't mean I succeed all the time, but I'm trying.
rossella...as soon as this caregiver's body adjusts to daylight saving time I will start getting up earlier again and get outside to enjoy all by myself....maybe I'll let hubby outside too...lol. A few years ago we bought this huge patio "glider" thing, has a cover on top, two benches that face each other with a table in the middle and it glides back and forth.....we put it on the lower deck and I love to sit out there with my coffee, the sun coming up, the birds singing...it is so peaceful and calming.
Ted.....the symptoms you describe are those of depression. If you are not taking anything may I suggest a visit to your doctor? I know it's none of my business, but it is so easy for us to forget about "me"....we are so concerned about taking care of our loved one. And get samples, don't pay for a script. And yes I also go through that emotional roller coaster.....I can be on top of the world, then SLAM!!!!! I'm bouncing my head off the concrete and all I want to do is sit in the corner talking to myself.....sometimes our brains just get overloaded and a little chemical help is what we need to boost us back up into the realities of the world. We all have stressful lives and we can't expect to be Mary Poppins all the time......though there are some here who think we should be....OBMAJ...:)
christina....I want to hear the story of the 86 year old customer.
Hubby just told the col she can't have anymore bacon....she won't eat it...she has been cooking it and feeding it to the dog. All she wants are banquet frozen dinners and her protein drinks and of course tons of coffee.
Sun is shining....hopefully the rest of this snow will melt today and it will really be Spring! Will check in later.....
Love and Hugz to all!
Jam