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Ok AC family , I need some feedback today. I realize I am stressed about the knee, will I be able to handle Ruth when she gets out of the NH, but BG is getting on my last nerve. I was so angry yesterday when she left, I wanted to hobble out to my car, drive the hell away into the sunset and never look back. I could care less that she rarely comes over here to see how I am, do I need anything, ect. I get around well enough now to tend to anything I need. I was tending to myself when I couldn't get around. But she is one testy b###h about me going to the NH to check on Ruth. I had asked the nurse, not her, if I could be included in on her discharge plan meeting. The nurse said yes. (they don't like her at the NH either!!) And she started getting pissy then. I asked her yesterday how Ruth was, and got this glare and a speech about how SHE checks everyday. Yes, she checks, but never even speaks to Ruth. So one of my questions is, am I overstepping my boundries here? ya'll know the story of abuse Ruth suffers at the hands of that b%&$h, but I am getting real damned tired of being talked to like something on the bottom of her damned shoe. I have problems of my own too, dealing with the crap about my son, no money, a broken knee. I just want to slap her face until my arm gets tired.... I stay quite because I know I have other things going on and do not want all my stuff coming out like a volcano. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I am tired and stressed and would like to be professional. I can say anything to ya'll and be understood. Not so with her. I was talking to her son on FB last evening when she came in. He is in Kuwait (sp). You could tell that pissed her off too. My thoughts on that was WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF YOURSELF LONG ENOUGH AND TALK TO HIM YOURSELF BITCH... instead of getting mad at me. I am spending too much time being isolated and yet don't want to overdo with this damned knee. I love ya'll and appreciate ya'll so much. I would have already killed her and told God she died if it weren't for ya'll . Confused Chaquita
Ladde, I'm concerned that this thing will blow up if your not careful. I don't know where the "rights" begin and end with paid caregivers, (I think you have to put your love for Ruth in a different pocket for now) I really think you should speak to a Social Worker about the situation before the B!t@h causes any trouble for you. I want you to protect yourself FIRST, and then Ruth. You can do both. Keep us up to date on anything that happens, We Got Your Back.
ladee, from my viewpoint (which is not always the popular one) the answer is how much do you care about Ruth? Obviously you care about her very much and I don't think you could just walk (limp) away from this. You are in a very bad position and I am so sorry for that. Just remember that that woman is a bitch and is wrong (of course she is). Get in her face if you have to. But stand up for yourself and Ruth. That's my two cents worth. If I was there I would probably have 4 cents worth. And remember, my hubby used to box and he hasn't been in a good fight in awhile. ;) Love You, Girl. One other idea is when she starts to be a bitch just plug your ears with your fingers and say your name over and over. ladeedaladeedaladeedaladeeda. :D
Chaquita ~ Check with the NH staff, maybe seek legal counsel. Even Adult Protective Service might have time to give you answers.
Now let me understand - you were chatting on FB with her son overseas, she walks into YOUR house & is upset? Was she invited? Did she bother to knock? Yes, you have a unique situation, but what reason did she have to 'walk in'? Not to visit her mother. There is a telephone I hope.
Why would she be upset with you talking on FB to him? Has he cut her off? What misery she must be creating ... Does SIL make excuses for her behavior or explain it away. Poor guy.
Please contact a professional to ensure your rights. Your protection. If you don't have a written contract it might be wise. What's that phrase? No good deed goes unpunished?
Her actions are not that of a grateful daughter toward a professional kind & patient caregiver.. You, Ruth & it sounds ike the rest of her family are suffering from her obsessions - having her face up might help her in the long run.
ladee . i know the feeling about getting in the car and drive away and dont look back . oh how manytimes i felt like doing that but end up pullin up in my drive way . when people are a mean butch i d be askin em whats ur problem ! why are u so mean and hateful toward me , blahblah . i demanded to know why u dont like me and always hateful . why why why . then after that throw a cup full of ice water in her face ! , if ure a caretaker for ruth hell yes it is important that u know whats going on and what to expect when its time for ruth to come back home . gosh ! bless ur heart for wantin ruth to come home . ur knee will not heal over night , it will take months and months , maybe never heal cuz u re carin for ruth . alot of wear and tear on the knee , i woke up this morning ohh my gosh my whole body just aches , i feel so sick and tired ! hubby came home early said that he worked over time yesterday and the boss didnt want to pay him for overtime so sent him home early ! something fishy is going on at his work , hope they dont put him out of the job ! damn . ok u all h ave a wonderful day (try to ) . need to clean my house , ssk- hows ur mom ? dad slept so much yesterday and allnight long , sleepin again after bfast . i was thinkin about ur mom . hope shes good . mask for my face , i tried that i couldnt breath ! smellin dad s crap doesnt bother me cuz we eat the same food and my crap smells like his . when he was at rehab oh mygosh his crap made me gagggg .. xoxo
Hi linda, my mom is sleeping a lot still, but still eating and drinking when she does finally wake up. I'm reading up on what I missed yesterday. lov, ssk
Afternoon Everyone, Ted is having a beautiful day and 80 miles from him I am looking at clouds and rain and fog. Won't get the garden in today.
Ladee, wish I had a suggestion, but I don't. Don't really know the situation. I just know that if my help had to take a bunch of crap from me, she would threaten to quit or turn me in to Social Services. It would change my "Judy Attitudee" real quick.
I made mom cry yesterday. I just wanted a nap!!! I cried too when she set me on a guilt trip " I'm sorry it's taking so long to die".
You may not hear from me too much today. Everytime I take a step on the carpet I see a little POOF of dust, all the furniture is white and all I smell is piss and poop without the applesauce. Hopefully my help will show up tonight. She is having family health problems herself.
Gotta go. Love to you all and have a good day. xoxo
Ladee I always feel when I have to deal with difficult people like her that she must be a very young soul and feel sorry for the pain she's giving to herself. She must be miserable. At least you know you aren't crazy like she is. You need a song you can sing to yourself everytime you see her. I will think of one.
My daughter and I went to see my mom at the SNF yesterday, I had been there in the morning with her clothes, etc. and we were sitting and talking to her and I was so glad because she seemed good, not confused, etc. until two woman that work there walked by, nicely dressed, not doing anything and she whispers to us, "Those are the prostitutes, they are all over this place." EEEE GAD.
Ladeeda, I can tell you have a lot of compassion, and are very passionate to boot! So am I, but that can get us into trouble if we arn't careful. I'm new so I don't know about the abuse she suffered from the other woman. Is that her daughter? I'm just guessing she resents you for the close relationship you have with her mother. It sounds like you do all the work. It also sounds like you have a very close relationship with Ruth, and thats good. Now legally speaking(and please don't make me the enemy, i'm just giving you Leagal facts that I know of) unless you are the gaurdian or have a poa, you don't have the legal right to sit in on the discharge planning. If they wanted to invite you , it would be nice of them and they could. But if they wish not to there isn't a lot you can do. If you care about Ruth and want to continue taking care of her, i wouldn't push the issue. They surly will give you the information you need. As a paid cargiver it would be your responsibility to assist the family in discharging her if they wish by gathering her things, helping her to the car things like that. We get so attached, and it's so hard on our emotions and pride when we are the ones loving them, doing all the work and have little say in very little else. She could fire you and get somone else or worse, leave her in the nh. So i would be very carful with this woman cause you wouldnt really have any legal recorse. The nurse should't have told you it was o.k. for you to sit in on that meeting. She may not have understood the cargiver relationship, or she may have like everyone else thought that it would only be right, but it's not up to the nurse either. Those meeting are usualy made up of, gauardians,administration, rehab, social workers DON's, and head nurses of the memory unit if she is in one. I'm so sorry you are dealing with a daughter that is not loving and appreciative of the relationship you have. When my folks need care, I only hope they get good help that loves them so much. Good luck Honey. Keep your chin up, you are very important to ruth.
Kima, some of the stuff they come up with is amazing and it suits us best I think to just laugh it off. I know this is all terribly difficult and I hope I did not upset you by laughing. My mom used to come up with some zingers. Stuff she would never have said when she was her old self.
I very much appreciate all the feedback. And yes, I need to back up. I will not go to the discharge plan meeting, tho things are a little more laid back here, they would allow me to. But I will not put myself in that position. I wanted to go because BG will not listen, she will be so busy talking, and we are still having problems with her about having Ruth on the meds that keep her calm. I did what Ted suggested this morning and I realize to some degree I was also trying to make it easier on me when she gets home. I will not be able to have my head banged, pushed to the floor. So I will not shame myself for wanting to be able to take care of myself if Ruth has a meltdown. And yes, I am passionate and do not want to see anyone abused. But I am also tired of running to sil about BG. So, F**k it, I will do the best I can under these stupid circumstances. I can ignore BG to some degree but I would love to tell her this is not ABOUT HER. My experiance with people like her is they do not hear anyway so what is the point. I will still go see Ruth in the NH because I miss the old sassy girl. But will not ask BG anymore questions. I can find out things on my own. Paid caregiver have their own language to get around some legal stuff, and being in that loop will help me to know what to expect when she gets home. And yes, I see BG for the insecure person that she is. But that is not my problem, and ya'll can believe it when I say I am going to find a way to get her off my a##. AND remain professional. So, love to all of you who helped today. I do not feel alone and that is a priceless feeling. I will still get on here and have fun, laugh at our craziness and keep right on doing my job with Ruth. But as Ted said this morning, I also need to take care of myself. One question tho, if I get fired, do any of ya'll need a caregiver that will work for food????? love, hugs, appreciation I feel so safe with Ya'll......
Okay, I'm going to throw in my 6 cents worth here......ladee are you in your own home or Ruth's? If you are in your own home, tell the b***ch to knock before she barges in. Sounds like Ruth is definitely coming home......just hang in there Chaquita....things will go back to "normal" once Ruth is home and daughter no longer has to put on a show for everyone else. If she doesn't pass on pertinent information, just call the nurse who told you to sit in on the meeting and get the info from her. Sometimes and for good reasons HIPPA can just be damned! Daughter is jealous and I would be willing to bet the guilt is eating her alive. Let me interject here.....my younger sister lives her life surrounded by her daughter, 20, who strips for a living, my oldest daughter, 39, who does I don't know what besides smoke weed with her aunt, my middle daughter who thinks she's Queen Schitt, one of my grandsons, from the 39 y/o, who probably made me a great-grandma a couple yrs ago...I had to get very firm with sister to make her go see Mom....then the night mom passed sister WOULD NOT come see her....then the very next day had the nerve to call me a b*tchy c**t!!!!!!! Excuse me? But could she put on a show in front of other people? OMG...she should have an Oscar! Ruth's daughter doesn't give a crap about her, cramps her style I imagine.....so once she gets her back home, the show is over and it will all fall back into place. As for talking to her son, that is just jealousy again, because you have a relationship that she wants and apparently can't have. Who you speak with is your business...if he wants to tell her, fine, but you don't have to offer any information. She needs you to take care of Ruth.....otherwise when you were hurt she would have told you to hit the road....she didn't so I really think she knows she will have a difficult if impossible task of replacing you. Hang in there, as I said already, I think things will get back to normal as soon as Ruth is back home.
Jam, you are probably right. When she is not feeling threatened or afraid someone is going to out her on the abuse, she will settle down. But she is so stupid and self-involved she does not realize when she told the DON that "we live in the country, we just let her scream" that that went into Ruth's file in case APS has to be called. As I said, the aids, nurses and I are communicating. HIPPA be damned is right, there are ways around everything if you know what to do. Guess I was not thinking that far ahead, just know she is about to unleash a Chaquita she has never seen before... Thanks for you six cents of investment, appreciated and heard... love and hugs..
We just found out a little bit ago that MIL is no longer speaking and not eating. FIL does not think she will last until the weekend. Hubby had gone out and gotten her some more herbal stuff that he thought might help her. I gotta go to work here in about 10 minutes. OMG angels I need you now. I need strength because even though I am sad for me, I am so sad for SIL, BIL, FIL and hubby. Hubby needs me to be strong for him. I know God must need her/want her but I can't understand it.
K, I gotta get ready to go to work. I hope no customers give me a hard time cause I just might lose it.
Oh great, neck is killing me sooo put on Bengay, now I smell like mom...guess it's good that I can't leave the house today. Say a little prayer for my dad, got a ticket, first one in all of his 86 years, gonna fight it in court, looks like I'm going to have to go with him, heaven help, don't want to worry about bailing him out of jail for decking the judge! :) heating pad, here I come!!!
still.....alternate heat and ice...believe it I've lived with ice for the past 48 hours.
miz.....oh sweetie I feel so bad for you.....saying more prayers today. Is there anyway at all you can go today? Is hospice with her also? Keep us informed as you can....and tell mr. miz my thoughts are with him and the rest of your family. Love ya!
Lol, how close are ya to missouri;0) it,s great that you figured it all out. I loved teds response about putting her in the other pocket. I understand completly why you would want to be in the meeting, and if I were in your bg,s spot I would want my parents cargiver to be in the meeting,so that they would understand and what was going on too. And so that I wouldn't be the only ears in the room. I am also a cargiver to so we see things from both ends. I have seen so much of this kinda thing working in the nh. Family,s get jelous and step up to the plate and like to throw their weight around. I went through the same kinda thing myself, when my mil was dying. Children who trated her like crap coming from states away,who hadn't spoken to her in litrally years, after I had spent most of my marraige helping fil care for her. They was getting hatful with me and me trying my darndest to stay outta their way, my husband his dad and I doing most of the physical stuff, they were angry because we allowed her to come home at her request. They thought she needed to die where there was a dr.present, wanting to know why we didn't ask them first (they wernt at the hospital when it was decided) wasn't our fault, my husband and I had begged them to stay with her while we go home 50 miles from hospital to showr and see our children, they were busy,they had to work and entertain the other sisters from out of state. But boy they were right there when the ambulance brought her to the house, giving the hospice nurse dirty looks, pissing and moaning cause his mother shouldn't have to be transported in the rain, he never cared before. Yada yada,anyways, they got to put on a show, and she told me that I was more like a daughter to her than her own daughters, and she didn't want to see their children, she wanted ours to come sing to her, like they always did when they came home from school, or would be sitting on her lap. In the end it was the people who showed her respect and love that she wanted in the end. That had those special moments with her where she poured out her love to us. They were again to busy working, and entertaining to be there. But after she was gone and they were called at work they took the rest of the week off, came and her son and wife very dramatically sat with her body until they picked her up. Complaining it was taking the funeral home to long to get there. They sure did miss on some special moments, and the daughter will too. And in the end she will want to be surrounded by the one she knows loves her and takes care of her.
Miz, hugs, love , prayer, support and more hugs. Tell the family that your other family, AC, has all the family in their thoughts and prayers. And tender hugs to your MIL...
just accidentally came across this page, WOW! My husband and I thought we were the 'only ones' ... we all sit down for dinner but my husband now 'watches' tv while we eat to help distract him from what happening over at mom's plate. We 'know' where those fingers have been (and gets gravely offend when we ask/tell her to wash her hand before dinner ... et al..) but yet that doesn't really even matter, and ... I had to laugh when someone mentioned poking at all the food and then trying to get you to eat it because 'we're already done eating'... I'll be staying around here for more sympatico!
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I could care less that she rarely comes over here to see how I am, do I need anything, ect. I get around well enough now to tend to anything I need. I was tending to myself when I couldn't get around.
But she is one testy b###h about me going to the NH to check on Ruth. I had asked the nurse, not her, if I could be included in on her discharge plan meeting. The nurse said yes. (they don't like her at the NH either!!) And she started getting pissy then.
I asked her yesterday how Ruth was, and got this glare and a speech about how SHE checks everyday. Yes, she checks, but never even speaks to Ruth.
So one of my questions is, am I overstepping my boundries here? ya'll know the story of abuse Ruth suffers at the hands of that b%&$h, but I am getting real damned tired of being talked to like something on the bottom of her damned shoe.
I have problems of my own too, dealing with the crap about my son, no money, a broken knee. I just want to slap her face until my arm gets tired....
I stay quite because I know I have other things going on and do not want all my stuff coming out like a volcano. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I am tired and stressed and would like to be professional. I can say anything to ya'll and be understood. Not so with her.
I was talking to her son on FB last evening when she came in. He is in Kuwait (sp). You could tell that pissed her off too. My thoughts on that was WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF YOURSELF LONG ENOUGH AND TALK TO HIM YOURSELF BITCH... instead of getting mad at me.
I am spending too much time being isolated and yet don't want to overdo with this damned knee.
I love ya'll and appreciate ya'll so much. I would have already killed her and told God she died if it weren't for ya'll .
Confused Chaquita
I want you to protect yourself FIRST, and then Ruth. You can do both.
Keep us up to date on anything that happens,
We Got Your Back.
Chaquita ~
Check with the NH staff, maybe seek legal counsel. Even Adult Protective Service might have time to give you answers.
Now let me understand - you were chatting on FB with her son overseas, she walks into YOUR house & is upset?
Was she invited? Did she bother to knock? Yes, you have a unique situation, but what reason did she have to 'walk in'? Not to visit her mother. There is a telephone I hope.
Why would she be upset with you talking on FB to him? Has he cut her off?
What misery she must be creating ...
Does SIL make excuses for her behavior or explain it away. Poor guy.
Please contact a professional to ensure your rights. Your protection. If you don't have a written contract it might be wise.
What's that phrase?
No good deed goes unpunished?
Her actions are not that of a grateful daughter toward a professional kind & patient caregiver..
You, Ruth & it sounds ike the rest of her family are suffering from her obsessions - having her face up might help her in the long run.
The news helicopter circling my house yesterday was reporting on a gas leak.
Sir informed me it wasn't him.
when people are a mean butch i d be askin em whats ur problem ! why are u so mean and hateful toward me , blahblah . i demanded to know why u dont like me and always hateful . why why why . then after that throw a cup full of ice water in her face ! , if ure a caretaker for ruth hell yes it is important that u know whats going on and what to expect when its time for ruth to come back home . gosh !
bless ur heart for wantin ruth to come home . ur knee will not heal over night , it will take months and months , maybe never heal cuz u re carin for ruth . alot of wear and tear on the knee ,
i woke up this morning ohh my gosh my whole body just aches , i feel so sick and tired !
hubby came home early said that he worked over time yesterday and the boss didnt want to pay him for overtime so sent him home early ! something fishy is going on at his work , hope they dont put him out of the job ! damn .
ok u all h ave a wonderful day (try to ) . need to clean my house ,
ssk- hows ur mom ? dad slept so much yesterday and allnight long , sleepin again after bfast . i was thinkin about ur mom . hope shes good .
mask for my face , i tried that i couldnt breath ! smellin dad s crap doesnt bother me cuz we eat the same food and my crap smells like his . when he was at rehab oh mygosh his crap made me gagggg ..
xoxo
Ted is having a beautiful day and 80 miles from him I am looking at clouds and rain and fog. Won't get the garden in today.
Ladee, wish I had a suggestion, but I don't. Don't really know the situation. I just know that if my help had to take a bunch of crap from me, she would threaten to quit or turn me in to Social Services. It would change my "Judy Attitudee" real quick.
I made mom cry yesterday. I just wanted a nap!!! I cried too when she set me on a guilt trip " I'm sorry it's taking so long to die".
You may not hear from me too much today. Everytime I take a step on the carpet I see a little POOF of dust, all the furniture is white and all I smell is piss and poop without the applesauce. Hopefully my help will show up tonight. She is having family health problems herself.
Gotta go. Love to you all and have a good day. xoxo
My daughter and I went to see my mom at the SNF yesterday, I had been there in the morning with her clothes, etc. and we were sitting and talking to her and I was so glad because she seemed good, not confused, etc. until two woman that work there walked by, nicely dressed, not doing anything and she whispers to us, "Those are the prostitutes, they are all over this place." EEEE GAD.
I wanted to go because BG will not listen, she will be so busy talking, and we are still having problems with her about having Ruth on the meds that keep her calm. I did what Ted suggested this morning and I realize to some degree I was also trying to make it easier on me when she gets home. I will not be able to have my head banged, pushed to the floor. So I will not shame myself for wanting to be able to take care of myself if Ruth has a meltdown.
And yes, I am passionate and do not want to see anyone abused. But I am also tired of running to sil about BG. So, F**k it, I will do the best I can under these stupid circumstances. I can ignore BG to some degree but I would love to tell her this is not ABOUT HER. My experiance with people like her is they do not hear anyway so what is the point.
I will still go see Ruth in the NH because I miss the old sassy girl. But will not ask BG anymore questions. I can find out things on my own. Paid caregiver have their own language to get around some legal stuff, and being in that loop will help me to know what to expect when she gets home.
And yes, I see BG for the insecure person that she is. But that is not my problem, and ya'll can believe it when I say I am going to find a way to get her off my a##. AND remain professional.
So, love to all of you who helped today. I do not feel alone and that is a priceless feeling. I will still get on here and have fun, laugh at our craziness and keep right on doing my job with Ruth. But as Ted said this morning, I also need to take care of myself.
One question tho, if I get fired, do any of ya'll need a caregiver that will work for food????? love, hugs, appreciation I feel so safe with Ya'll......
Ruth's daughter doesn't give a crap about her, cramps her style I imagine.....so once she gets her back home, the show is over and it will all fall back into place. As for talking to her son, that is just jealousy again, because you have a relationship that she wants and apparently can't have. Who you speak with is your business...if he wants to tell her, fine, but you don't have to offer any information. She needs you to take care of Ruth.....otherwise when you were hurt she would have told you to hit the road....she didn't so I really think she knows she will have a difficult if impossible task of replacing you. Hang in there, as I said already, I think things will get back to normal as soon as Ruth is back home.
Love ya,
Jam
Guess I was not thinking that far ahead, just know she is about to unleash a Chaquita she has never seen before...
Thanks for you six cents of investment, appreciated and heard... love and hugs..
K, I gotta get ready to go to work. I hope no customers give me a hard time cause I just might lose it.
love,
miz
miz.....oh sweetie I feel so bad for you.....saying more prayers today. Is there anyway at all you can go today? Is hospice with her also? Keep us informed as you can....and tell mr. miz my thoughts are with him and the rest of your family. Love ya!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
What a beautiful bittersweet story, I'm imagining your kids singing to her ...
Typical. Heroic family arrives with drama & demands after doing none of the care. Barf ~
oh Miz ... aching for you & yours. What a different deal.
You ever hear the phrase "There are no accidents"?
Welcome to your new sanity break!
You must stick around & contribute more ~ You are our 200th author!
Seriously, If you EVER need any kind of help like that, you can count on us. Somehow we will take care of you.