Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Thanks everyone, I just read through about 20 pages of postings from the original 'topic' posting that brought me in here.. I have been sitting here with a smile on my face and one actual 'snort-laugh' (I think that was the kleenex vs m&m story... because I'm only three months into this journey and discovered mom-in-laws penchant for kleenex while doing laundry (too late of course -- who has this many pockets?) I'll be around!

Oh yea mom, we're having chicken... like you're gonna eat more than three bites before you say, "I'm full"... but then five minutes after dinner you want strawberry shortcake! Oh least we forget, you're a diabetic, remember? Hell no, here we go again.... Guess those three hours of sleep last night is catching up with me, ya think?

Miz, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family

miz u have my prayers and thoughts , will be thinkin of you all very wakin moments , yes u have to be strong for ur hubby , again i am so sorry ....
ted ! ure a sweet heart takin ladeeda in ur home ! bet you guys ll make a perfect couple . :-)
miz has asked where is our old pals ? its a shame u guys dont come on anymore if u do and its a shame that u guys dont say anything , it realy sucks ... theres time i dont say anything but then i feel bad and and thinkin its not fair for others to worry about one to another . i hate worries .
where were u when we needed ya ? we were there for u and now ure not here for us , become closed friends then drop off the face of earth ? so too bad , it realy does sucks ... did u uncheck notify me when others respond ? if u didnt im sure u had to delete everything and not bother to say howdy im ok , nothing at all . kinda pissin me off here ....

Thank You Everyone So Much for your kind words, prayers and thoughts for hubby, MIL and me. I can not say how much I appreciate it and how much it means to me. Someone asked if we could go back up to where she lives. I have missed so much work and I need my job and need the money. It's really up to hubby. He says we will go Saturday. There is lots of family support there. Not just hubby's siblings but also MIL's brothers and sisters and friends. People bringing food and such. Also, SIL has her in-laws to help with her kids. We will see what happens. I just wish we were closer distance wise. If someone calls and says we need you now, I am sure we will go. I wish he could go and I could go up on the weekend but we only have one reliable vehicle. I have been looking at houses on line up there. It's a real possibility. There are none in our price range that we would want in their town but there are some in other towns close to there.

Thanks again for all of your love and support. You are truly angels.

love,
miz

Ted, I will keep your offer in mind. Can't you just see Ruth and I traveling along with a trail of banana peels left in our wake... guess we wouldn't have to worry about BG sending out an APB, she would be rid of both of us.
I did as you suggested this morning and after some thought on the subject answers begin to fall in place. Things will work as they are going to, regardless of what a tizzy I get myself into.
Sometimes it just never occurs to me that what I think or say means nothing in the bigger picture of things... another life lesson.
So, onward thru the fog. BG has already honored me with her presence today so at least that is over, Couldn't tell you a thing she said, I wasn't listening, just an occasional uh huh from me. and she left as loud as she came in.
So Mr. Ted thank you for your words of wisdom, the offer of a home, and support. All the rest of you, thank you for being patient with my melt down and all the love and support ya'll sent me.
Will go see Ruth tomorrow and tell her ya'll all said Hi.
love and hugs across the miles from Chaquita....

Hi Everybody,
Caught up reading on my iphone while taking a walk. took forever. something was wrong with my puter this morning--no co-inkydinks, I know rip--so now it's fine. Probably would have sat here for hours today, cracking up and loving the roll we're on(?) King and girls--and not gotten anything done!! I'm bad!
I was just thinking of YOU ALL, and sending good vibes of peace and hope to you:)
Chaquita Bonita Ladee'Ta--you have to change the syllabic accent to rhyme with 'chaqui'ta'. I think you are a wise woman and you will do the wise thing. The daughter needs a good example. I always tell my husband: "he who gets angry loses".
You know what I mean. We are "cool", Sistah.
So good to see NEW regulars! we love ya, and we'll get everyone on a roll and the world cannot help but see us coming. More later. I was so upset I couldn't get on this morning. Bet no one even noticed:( It's ok LYMIC christinahugs

LYMIC??

Of course I knew you were not on Christina, there were not questions about how to kill BG quietly and no threats to come to Tx. and kick ass. I missed ya girl. and what is LYMIC.
cHAQUITA LADEETA, how is that??

I received an Aging Care notification about the article I pasted yesterday ... the 15 million - or whatever horrific number - of people caring for dementia & Alz parents.
Can't find it on the home page - good info.

WHAT ABOUT those millions of caregivers who have not found this site???
How many times have we all mentioned "Grossed" & other threads have saved our sanity?

We may be elite since we have has this wonderful stress release ....
BUT what about the othe thousands upon thousands who are stuck home isolated without us as friends?
The recent additions can attest it takes a certain mentality to cope with elder care -

How do we reach out & help those who are hidden?
I certainly was ...

There goes my !@#$%^&*()_stupid ringtone ... as if he knows I am trying to write someting meaningful ....

later

Het Crew,
Just a quick post to let you guys know I am okay. Just been swamped at work and mom has another UTI and all the crazy moods that go with it. I haven't had a chance to catch up on all the posts. Sounds like we each have our own trials right now. Welcome to the newbies.

Take care of yourselves my dear friends whether that means a rum and coke, heating pad & pain pill or just a hug from a friend.

Luv ya,
Diane

"There is no arguing with Dementia..." JAM nailed that one on the head!

Sskape. I like piss and applesauce too it is sort of symbolic mess in mess out baby style, but with adults...the grind...

Been stressed out so bad my period came a week early again...

Shit, it smells but no it does not roll down hill, glad we don't have to sit in it, yes but we wipe up others on a daily basis and that isn't much of an improvement to me...


I sang to my Grandmother while she was in the Hospice bed, I lay on the floor and sang Christmas Carols...

I love my heating pad, I get a new one every two years as I squarsh the things and squish em...just like it says not to...
Gonna go watch NCIS re runs with mom, I must say he spends almost all his time in his (my) room now and we are all happier for it....

Jsomebody, were you achild when your mom was on hospice? If you were i'd love to hear how it affected you, was it a good experience or bad? I have wondered if we did the right thing for them. I know it was so speacial to her.And ditto about the period thing. mine have been crazy the last 6 months. That must be a symtom they don't mention much. I wish i had a funny joke to share with everybody, ive not had a bad day but I feel all serious. Would love a good laugh:0)

I meant grandmother.

rip, what did the notification say??

I am feeling so sad today. Weak and sick too. So much stress and hubby dealing with stress. So hungry but I don't feel like I can eat. Work was crazy yesterday.

No word yet today about MIL. No news is good news. She must be hanging in there, hopefully with no pain or distress.

Well I better go try to eat some breakfast. Love yous!! Thanks again for all your prayers, love and support.

love,
miz

Miz Thinking and praying for you and yours today. Love across the miles

Miz, I hope all goes smoothly and painlessly for your MIL and that you are able to take some time for yourself and your husband. I wish you well.

Good Morning all you wonderful people!
Where the heck are you? It's 6 am on the left coast, so you are all busy with breakfast, showers, dressing, etc. I am in between bathroom runs with Mother. Up at 4, then she went back to sleep, but not I. Now I'm drinking coffee and eating a few cashews left from yesterday. One of my vices, cashews.
Thought I had internet problems yesterday, but it was my laptop. Glad to be back and I'll cancel the tech appt.
I am getting the feeling Mothers UTI is slowly coming back. I get a whiff when I take her to the bathroom, but it's not consistent. I don't want to wait for the behavior changes, but the doc says any new med introduced is hard on her brain chemistry. She overworks her frontal lobe: negative, obsessive, fearful, selfish, immature--if I may say. Any ideas, input?!
She's going to the psych on Monday--he's good, but seems a little arrogant to me. I was just reading an article about Narcissistic therapists. omg-- Is there NO ESCAPE? Yes--HERE. Thank you, Jesus, for my normal friends on GO/NTV. It's weird to be in a large group of GIVERS, everyone caring about each other, as well as those we care for. No fear, just love and support. And lots of laughs.
Oh, where is our King?
"King Terd and his Devices of Torture" Chaquita with a whip and thigh boots! rip's Doggie Domain, seeme ALL in leather, straddling a monster bike. Yikes. I better quit.
Not yet. Butter knives, bananas, Vick's Vaporub, peanut butter--please let's not do the peanut butter on bananas scenario.
I hope I haven't ruined anyone's breakfast. I will giggle as I am cutting up Mother's fruit this morning: peeling, then slicing down the center of a just about ripe banana, into the bowl with blueberries, raspberries, pear and yogurt. Every bite she gets a little raspberry yogurt on her lip, yumming and oohing, and saying, "this is the best breakfast."
Happy Day, People!!! Love and Hugs, Christina

Thank You So Much, care.

Allshegot, I was 19 (not really a child) when my grandmother came to live with us. She was dying of mesothelioma. We set up hospice and I thought the organization would do more. They gave us a bed and drugs (morphine) and that was it. We didn't see them again until after my grandmother passed away. Is that the norm? Anyway, for us it was terrible, but not nearly as horrible as it was for my grandmother. We were told that we could only give her so much morphine (because more would kill her and we would be responsible). Then and now I cannot understand that. My grandmother suffered terribly. We gave her more than the max and still she suffered. I cried at night listening to her suffering. Holding her, being with her didn't help her. She went through hell. My father was also set up in hospice at a nursing home. I think it helped immensely. I don't think he suffered, but he had a different illness of course. A dementia that was similar to ALS. He got morphine and anti-anxiety meds. He didn't want any food or water, so he got weaker and died. I had two very different feelings about the experiences. My grandmother needed to be given as much pain reliever as she needed even if it killed her. We should not have been told that we would be responsible if we gave her more. She was dying, so what did it matter if the pain killer killed her or the cancer? My grandmother was such a nice person. If I could do it all over again, I would sneak into her room, give her a kiss and give her the morphine...

It is so hard to watch a loved one suffer. It's heart wrenching.

My best friend is a Hospice Nurse. I don't know which one you used,for your grandmother, but you could have insisted on finding another service. The one she works for has aides that go in everyday, the Rn's are on call 24/7 for pain management and any other question and concern you may have. I am sorry that your experiance was so horrible. And I, like you, would have given her what she needed. Just as all Home Health Agencies are not the best , the same applies for Hospice. I am sorry you had to experiance this... Let us know how you are, keep in touch. We are also here for the grieving part....hugs across the miles..

Good Morning Crew!
Happy St Patrick's Day. This boat has Green accents!

Welcome to sundancer! glad you're here and tell your husband that we said hi! vent on to stay sane!
You like boats?
I meant to ask Lori and allshesgot and kima and careshare and i don't think I ever asked Ladeeda and Stillstanding and chillout.... you guys like boats?
Everybody! Anybody like boats?

Flex! good to see from you and ya, you're right, we all do have our own trials and tribulations! gurl, you know it. Still really good to see your post. Love ya.

Ladeeda! looks like you have gone all around the mulberry bush and figured out exactly what you need to do. you're a genius and you know that we are here! Ted has made a great offer and just like the article said and yes, Ted, you're right, I have been saying, this is at least a 2 man job and there is no way on God's green earth that anybody can do it alone.
Wait and see.

Rip! I have heard from so many of the people here that they have found this thread through Google when they search about being disgusted or grossed out, venting, elders etc. I don't know how many keywords are leading to this thread, but with 200 different people who have sought us out, some from the site itself but most from other search engines, we are only looking at one grain of sand on a huge beach.
Wow.

Linda! it's ok, don't let it get to you. No one is deliberately staying away, they are just up to their chins in their lives and it's hard. Linda, you are such a sweetheart because you really care and want to know that all of your little chickens are safe.

Once again, here's a request for folks to hit the 'like' button on the top of the page to give us an idea of how many readers we have...... right now we're only showing 14 including me.... and I think that there's more and would be interested in knowing more about it...

Christina! I think that people here notice when someone isn't around.... see Linda's post! lol

Still worried about ppj, heard from BonnieO and remember that lady who posted and then we never heard from her again? Abusive husband and trapped caregiver/wife scenerio. Sinister.

Just texted Miz and hope she and her husband just get to go and be there and wait it out. Nothing else to do at this point. No running around, just the miracle of peace and a loving family. cope any way you can. love you Miz.

christina, just read your latest post.
The uti situation can be helped with the old Cranberry pills available at just about any big grocery store.
I know that there can be many causes, but my mom never had the UTI when her 'area' was under my care. I always took a few extra moments to really put a shiny on her hiney and that kept the bacteria away. As soon as she was in respite, she got a uti and before I took over the wiping she would have the uti. I realized that she was wiping back to front and boom, there you go.
One of the gerontologists we saw told me I should put a sign up at the toilet paper roll: Front to back.
Another example of a 'degree' being worthless in caregiving reality. Moron.
Everybody is different, but with my situation, as long as mom was wiped properly, no uti. She couldn't do it herself so I did it. Wipe wipe and then baby wipes until clean as a whistle. Cranberry pills and juice to help keep the urinary tract inhospitable to bacteria.
Give it a shot, what have you got to lose?
As far as the shrink is concerned, of course he and most are me me me. people go into Psych because they're screwed up and want to know why.
Here's a question: why bother with it? Your mom is who she is, dementia is not going to let her 'learn' and it's a lot easier on all concerned if you just accept that without trying to change it.
I have said: there is no arguing with Dementia... and I keep saying it to the caregivers who are trying to yell and teach and make their charges do something that is logical. it's like the old saying: never try to teach a pig to sing. it will drive you nuts and annoy the pig.
I did say to my mom, who had all of the behavior: narcissistic, paranoia, you name it and I grew up with the old 'walking on eggshells...' of borderline personality disorder..
mom, that's just the dementia talking. and sometimes that would calm her down.
For the major part, I had to get past all of the past and just love her and care for her warts and all.
The past still rears up and bites me and makes me pissed that I sacrificed my health for this shit but now that is the past and I have to move on AGAIN.
Screw the shrink, wipe her ass yourself and do a good job and in the long run it's way easier. Just saying since you asked....
I hold shrinks in about the same distain as I hold priests and ministers. As in oh please. I don't anyone to tell me who I am. i know who I am. Warts and all.....

Careshare, what a story. I agree with you 100%. they were wrong to do that to your grandmother and your family.
I personally know a few who have done the morphine thing....out of anguish and compassion. I hope when my time comes someone will be as humane to me as I have been to my dogs and cats.

Mom was on no drugs because of no pain. She made me know that she was comfortable and we worked so hard to make her comfortable in her own little bed. Her death was remarkable in that I saw her come to the brink, look at me and die. Same with my dad.
Believing in an afterlife is the only thing that will make us all go: someday we will see each other again. I can hang on....

Here's an idea if you guys feel like it:
let's find some stupid St Patrick's Day jokes.
I don't want to be sad and I know that no one here wants to be sad...... I'm going off to look for jokes.
more later and I love you guys!
lovbob
BOAT!!

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna were talking about their sons.
Kate says, 'My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years.'

Lorna responds, 'Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time.'

'My word,' says Kate, 'You must be so proud.'

'I am,' announces Lorna, 'And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party.'

Kieran O'Connor always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.
'Thank the Lord I wasn't sleeping at the other end of the bed,' Kieran said to his friends in Donegal's pub. 'I would have blown my head off.'

1st Irish Farmer: My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it.
2nd Irish Farmer: Did you shoot it in the hole?
First Irish Farmer: No, in the head.

Hmmmm..... I was just "disagreed" with on another thread.. Doesn't she know who I am............ Chaquita Bonita Ladeeta,,, some people...

A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am.
The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well.
The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here.

Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.

The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.

That b$#&^!! How freakin' dare they!! ;)

Two Irish guys walk out of a Pub.....