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Kima Sometimes it is just as simple as you picking your pain. If she treats you this way everytime, I would just stay away awhile. You can call and check on her. do you go everday? If you want to put yourself thru this everytime, then go ahead and try not to take it so personal. I know that is easier said than done. When my dad was like that I would just get up and walk out. No discussion, no words exchanged, just go. I'd come back in a few days, and if he was still on a rant, out I would go. It would take a few times, but he eventually would at least try to be civil. If he got ugly ,out I walked. I didn't deserve it , regardless of what was going on with him, and he could talk to me decent or find someone else to take it out on. I am sorry you are her victim, but you have to ask yourself if you are volunteering to her victim. Hope you find an answer you can live with. Hugs across the miles...
kim- i agree with ladeeda . when my dad first had to go to the rehab , my bro was in charge of it , oh my lord dad would say the meanest thing to my bro . it was a very heart breaking . doctor told him to stay away for lit while . it was killin my bro that he couldnt go ck on dad but it was for the best , stay away for couple days , or go every other day . she starts barking u say ok mom i love you too and just turn around and walk out . then stay away for another couple days . she needs to get sweet if she wants to go home . soon later she ll be crying begging you to take her home . that is what my dad did . he would just hollar all night and all day crying take me home plzzzz waaaa . here i come a thousand miles away and gathered him up and drove another thusand miles away to my home . he tells me every day how he apprecates me . kim , its not worth going everyday and come out sad and crying herat breakin . noo way , ure too sweet .. love u xoxo
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.
Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on..
Hi everyone! It's Selfish Siblings! I'm alive and they are still selfish!! LOL. Mom and Dad are doing ok, (knock on wood). Things have settled down a bit. Dad's dementia related outbursts have stopped but you know, can rear their ugly head at any time. Mom's hip has healed, but she drinks too much....Still doing all the daily errands, grocerieis, haircuts, church, doctors, post office, CVS etc.. (I AM errand girl) I went on a short sunny vacation with my teenaged daughter and it helped regenerate, either though I found myself to clearly be the middle aged mother that I am! Will plan on doing that more often! hee..hee! Not a word, call, email or letter from either sibling since October. My friends are horrified. I am not. I just keep, keepin' on!
Bobbie - how did you make out with the final clearing out of your mom's house??? Love to all! Bobbie ---always there for us, ssk, Lilliput, Ted, Rossella, Miz, Angie, Crwmg,Linda, christina,DEEF, everyone else and all the new angels!!!
Hi Selfish..... I know all about the siblings.... Yes I am to ther errand girl... lol... I preferred to be called the Personal Assistant... lol lol...Sounds like you had a nice mini vaca with your daughter, how old is she... Mine is 21.... and def miss her being a little girl. But all is good..... Hello to everyone here... I am about to embark on the day of errands. mom is upstairs having her coffee with the dog.... and her famous saying everyday... is " OMG what a terrible day".....Use to irk me, know its just the age thing.... and yes we will play the game of pete and repeat.... I swear I repeat the same things to her at least three times, before she stops asking... Anyword from Miz? Bobbie glad to hear that smile in your voice again.... OK off to buy some cannoli's.... YUMMMMMMMMMMMMM..... have a wonderful day all and hugs to allllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
good morning , hi jam and ss, cuz and all. Those darned siblings! They never change. I was stressed yesterday worrying about stuff, and snapped at the nurs's aid who was helping out my mom. Now I feel bad about it. This morning, though, I have gone out for a walk, it's sunny out , and I feel better so far. Our local Alzheimer's Services organization is having a Spring Conference: Caregiver Toolkit for Managing Stress. It costs $35.00 to attend. Since Alzheimer services is a non profit foundation why charge? Those who need CEU's have to pay $50.00 So, a caregiver would have to pay someone to be with their Alz person for 5 hrs to attend. So plan on spending around $120.00 that is if you can find a sittter to come in for those hours. I'm stressed thinking about it. Anyhoo, I can picture jam on her deck having her morning cup of coffee and taking some time out before the col starts calling. hope all are ok today, ssk
ssk......you're a psychic!!!!! blind doggie woke me up at 6:30...:( just had to go, couldn't hold it any longer.....so what the heck, I'm up might as well turn the coffee pot on.............when I stepped outside I could hear the coyotes yipping not too far away and me without a gun....oops!
Ya know, I'm thinking most people here could give one heck of an Alzheimer's course just simply due to everyday experience. Don't these people realize that sometimes it's not easy to just fork over that kind of money and it's not easy just to "pop" out the door for their class? They should supply substitute caregivers while you are "learning" their information.
angie.....you sound happy today....hope it stays that way for you. I also need to get up and start moving....bank, pharmacy, the dreaded Wal-Mart....can't run out of didies ya know...lol.
Haven't heard a word from miz........
Check in later....love and hugz to all of you! Jam
She is still with us. Labored breathing and every little while she stops breathing for about 9 seconds. Just when you want to say, breath!! she does. It's is like she got old so fast. Just sleeps but she will raise her eyebrows sometimes. There is some reaction but she can not respond. So hard to see her like that. We wonder what is going on in her mind. She does look comfortable. BIL's wife and son leave today so she can finish classes. That has to be so hard for her.
Thank You All Again for your love, prayers, caring and support. You are my angels.
Miz, thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. I was with my sister and my brother when they passed. My sister died of cancer and had hospice in her home and our family was able to stay and be there the final week. Very hard to keep vigil and watch. My brother passed in the hospital and we had to take him off life support. Not as long as my sister but still hard. I still struggle with both but know that being with them both when they passed is one of the greatest gifts that I could give them as someone that loved them. Even though they were unresponsive, I feel like they could feel the love that was there.
As I write that I know that taking care of mom now is also a gift that I can give her, but do need to let some of the responsibility fall away, the guilt. I did not make her ill, I did not give her cancer, the stroke, or the heart transplant. She won't read or listen to music or do anything while she is in SNF, just wants to lay. She is just there now for physical therapy after cancer surgery, she can go home in a week, just has to stop complaining and work hard.
Can you have situational dementia? She seems to act this way whenever she is in a facility. Gets confused, thinks people are out to get her, thinks she has been hearing our voices in the hall all day. She is fine at home.
Anyhow, still working on guilt. Need to call my therapist but quite frankly, don't have the 50 per session to pay her. :(
Morning All from the Left Coast, All is foggy woggy, but I'm waiting for the Super Moon tonight! WHOO HOO!!! Romantico, si, Bobbie??
Ongoing prayers for Miz, Hubby, and MIL. Peace. Release.
Angie, Baby:) So good to see you. My Mother makes a big "OMG DEAL" when she has to go to the bathroom!!! It is a huge, tactile experience for her. Isn't that nice? And I'm just talking about #1. God help us.
Selfish Siblings!!! Yay!! Missed you, knew you were on holiday, Things are copacetic in your life, per your excellent management:) Hugs
SSK: snapping is good if it keeps you from the big snap. I'm with you. I go around here muttering, swearing under my breath--usually just one word at a time, said with gusto, quietly so no one hears me. It's more like a breathy cough, and if anyone is around, I quickly recover, and clear my throat. I think if only one word is uttered, it is not a complete thought, just a random word, and I don't think that counts against us. heehee.
Yes, I have a permanent vision of Jam eating fruit tartlets and drinking coffee on the deck, birds twittering around her, like the little birds draping ribbons around Cinderella as they formed her Ball gown. Everything is bright and cheery...all of a sudden, darkness begins to loom over the scene. Jam quickly take the newspaper and covers her half eaten tartlet and perfect cuppa coffee. You hear a cackle, the darkness is only an illusion from, uh, too much black mascara, a whizzing sound accompanies a wet and warm feeling, and, and... At least the doggie piddled outside this time, if only Jams' ankle did not resemble a lovely French Provincial table leg, daintily turned.
Well, the moaning and sighing is beginning. She slept all night. I woke up before her. She is in love again with the piano player and the Senior Center. He, of course, will pick her over all the other women. We have our own Cinderella story going on here.
More later. I must be off to do my duty. Love you all. HUGS!! Christina
Miz Maybe mil is having conversations with God to take care of all of you when she is gone. She knows ya'll are there, she feels the love and sadness, and she want ya'll to continue on, and make her proud. My heart is breaking for you , your husband, and family. Prayers and gentle hugs all around... love ya
That is a sweet thought, Ladeeda. I often think of the transition between here and there. It is comforting to know one's lessons have been accomplished, and God is preparing and welcoming us to our next adventure. Love and Blessings.
Is it just me, because I am bored and gripey , but when questions are posted with little or no information, it just makes me want to say things that make no sense, in reply, just as the question makes not enough sense. We could spend days answering a question and never hit on what is really going on.... Forgive me, I am bored and edgy today. OHHH I know, how about "I" don't try to answer those questions..... I am slow, but I get there eventually...lol
Bobbie, please tell Miz how sorry I am , thoughts and prayers for all. And thanks for the reminder that everything is not about ME, think I will go read for awhile. love to ya"ll
Hello everone, so sorry to miz and family. Peace will follow. It's raining here, i got like a two hour nap with the hubby. not a big fan of those but with the rain it was very very rejuvinating. Kids were busy with video games, not sure what aunt was busy doing but she didnt come out to ask me anything till I was back up. Nice, usually if i tell her im gonna lay down for a little bit, about every 20 to 30 min she comes out to ask me a question LOL. So I give up. Must be that radar, it's then or when im trying to use the bathroom... but that,s ok ahhh the life.
Ladeeda! i was saying you NEED some ME time! lol! You're a very loving and giving person and you have to give yourself a break and rest, thas all... Alls.... nothing like a nice nap. Everybody needs those too. love you guys, lovbob
christina....for a minute there I was really enjoying that fantasy of yours......then when I was attacked by the mascara.....omg....now I need therapy! And by the way, she has the brown globbed on today, complete with spots on her eyelids......now every single time I go to Harrah's and walk past the coffee shop and those tartlets I will think of christina and being attacked by a giant tube of black mascara while the dog finds a table leg to pee on........
ladeeda chiquitaaaaa......no honey isn't just you.....what got me ticked the other day was the way that original post was written, asking for direction, sounding like things were so terrible because of neglect to the 9 y/o, then that was followed with.....there is help from outside sources ALL THE TIME.....wtf.......so just what is the problem then because it sounds like easy street to me. I think I need a nap.....been up since 6:30 and even been to Wally World....need to recoup.
Miz, I feel it is such an intimate experience to be there when a loved one dies and as Kim mentioned, it is a gift of love. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you and your husband have some time off to grieve.
Bobbie, I knew what you meant, take some ME time. But the post about Miz mil was right before that, it just felt so petty for me to be fussing about such silly things when REAL things are happening to our friends on AC . And since I am down with the Knee all I have is ME time. I think that is part of the problem, too much time alone. Have to find something to do that doesn't require a lot of walking... My friend brought me back some clay so at least I can sculpt some and let my fingers think instead of my head. Love ya,
Hey crew, just a note for this week-end.. alot of things need to be done! Bobbie, please, if you talk with Miz, let her know how sorry I am to hear of her and hubbys' loss... my prayers are with the whole family.
Ladeeda, I hear you. I'm sorry that you are feeling isolated. sux. Love the clay and am impressed that you sculpt. I made a clam out of clay in second grade. Clam was open with a head in it. I didn't know clams didn't have heads inside the shell. Stupid but kind of funny looking. My mom had that thing on the buffet in the dining room for until we moved. bless her heart. Nice china and my clam. Try looking at the word Clam and not laughing. CLAM. clam. lovbob
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sometimes it is just as simple as you picking your pain. If she treats you this way everytime, I would just stay away awhile. You can call and check on her. do you go everday? If you want to put yourself thru this everytime, then go ahead and try not to take it so personal. I know that is easier said than done. When my dad was like that I would just get up and walk out. No discussion, no words exchanged, just go. I'd come back in a few days, and if he was still on a rant, out I would go. It would take a few times, but he eventually would at least try to be civil. If he got ugly ,out I walked. I didn't deserve it , regardless of what was going on with him, and he could talk to me decent or find someone else to take it out on. I am sorry you are her victim, but you have to ask yourself if you are volunteering to her victim. Hope you find an answer you can live with. Hugs across the miles...
she needs to get sweet if she wants to go home . soon later she ll be crying begging you to take her home . that is what my dad did . he would just hollar all night and all day crying take me home plzzzz waaaa . here i come a thousand miles away and gathered him up and drove another thusand miles away to my home . he tells me every day how he apprecates me .
kim , its not worth going everyday and come out sad and crying herat breakin . noo way , ure too sweet .. love u xoxo
Cuz
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.
Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on..
Bobbie - how did you make out with the final clearing out of your mom's house???
Love to all! Bobbie ---always there for us, ssk, Lilliput, Ted, Rossella, Miz, Angie, Crwmg,Linda, christina,DEEF, everyone else and all the new angels!!!
Peace out,
-SS
Peace out girl and boy scouts......
Angie
I was stressed yesterday worrying about stuff, and snapped at the nurs's aid who was helping out my mom. Now I feel bad about it. This morning, though, I have gone out for a walk, it's sunny out , and I feel better so far.
Our local Alzheimer's Services organization is having a Spring
Conference: Caregiver Toolkit for Managing Stress. It costs $35.00 to attend. Since Alzheimer services is a non profit foundation why charge? Those who need CEU's have to pay $50.00
So, a caregiver would have to pay someone to be with their Alz person for 5 hrs to attend. So plan on spending around $120.00 that is if you can find a sittter to come in for those hours. I'm stressed thinking about it.
Anyhoo, I can picture jam on her deck having her morning cup of coffee and taking some time out before the col starts calling.
hope all are ok today, ssk
Ya know, I'm thinking most people here could give one heck of an Alzheimer's course just simply due to everyday experience. Don't these people realize that sometimes it's not easy to just fork over that kind of money and it's not easy just to "pop" out the door for their class? They should supply substitute caregivers while you are "learning" their information.
angie.....you sound happy today....hope it stays that way for you. I also need to get up and start moving....bank, pharmacy, the dreaded Wal-Mart....can't run out of didies ya know...lol.
Haven't heard a word from miz........
Check in later....love and hugz to all of you!
Jam
Thank You All Again for your love, prayers, caring and support. You are my angels.
love,
miz
As I write that I know that taking care of mom now is also a gift that I can give her, but do need to let some of the responsibility fall away, the guilt. I did not make her ill, I did not give her cancer, the stroke, or the heart transplant. She won't read or listen to music or do anything while she is in SNF, just wants to lay. She is just there now for physical therapy after cancer surgery, she can go home in a week, just has to stop complaining and work hard.
Can you have situational dementia? She seems to act this way whenever she is in a facility. Gets confused, thinks people are out to get her, thinks she has been hearing our voices in the hall all day. She is fine at home.
Anyhow, still working on guilt. Need to call my therapist but quite frankly, don't have the 50 per session to pay her. :(
All is foggy woggy, but I'm waiting for the Super Moon tonight!
WHOO HOO!!! Romantico, si, Bobbie??
Ongoing prayers for Miz, Hubby, and MIL. Peace. Release.
Angie, Baby:) So good to see you. My Mother makes a big "OMG DEAL" when she has to go to the bathroom!!! It is a huge, tactile experience for her. Isn't that nice? And I'm just talking about #1. God help us.
Selfish Siblings!!! Yay!! Missed you, knew you were on holiday, Things are copacetic in your life, per your excellent management:) Hugs
SSK: snapping is good if it keeps you from the big snap. I'm with you. I go around here muttering, swearing under my breath--usually just one word at a time, said with gusto, quietly so no one hears me. It's more like a breathy cough, and if anyone is around, I quickly recover, and clear my throat. I think if only one word is uttered, it is not a complete thought, just a random word, and I don't think that counts against us. heehee.
Yes, I have a permanent vision of Jam eating fruit tartlets and drinking coffee on the deck, birds twittering around her, like the little birds draping ribbons around Cinderella as they formed her Ball gown. Everything is bright and cheery...all of a sudden, darkness begins to loom over the scene. Jam quickly take the newspaper and covers her half eaten tartlet and perfect cuppa coffee. You hear a cackle, the darkness is only an illusion from, uh, too much black mascara, a whizzing sound accompanies a wet and warm feeling, and, and... At least the doggie piddled outside this time, if only Jams' ankle did not resemble a lovely French Provincial table leg, daintily turned.
Well, the moaning and sighing is beginning. She slept all night.
I woke up before her. She is in love again with the piano player and the Senior Center. He, of course, will pick her over all the other women. We have our own Cinderella story going on here.
More later. I must be off to do my duty. Love you all. HUGS!!
Christina
My heart is breaking for you , your husband, and family. Prayers and gentle hugs all around... love ya
Love and Blessings.
Forgive me, I am bored and edgy today. OHHH I know, how about "I" don't try to answer those questions..... I am slow, but I get there eventually...lol
Husband's mother passed at 1:15 this afternoon. We were with her. Would you please tell the thread.
My answer:
Dearest Miz and Husband, Our hearts ache for your entire family. You know we love you.
lovbob
Ladeeda Cha kee ta Me Time.
lovbob
And thanks for the reminder that everything is not about ME, think I will go read for awhile.
love to ya"ll
Alls.... nothing like a nice nap. Everybody needs those too.
love you guys,
lovbob
Love ya sweetie,
Jam
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Have to find something to do that doesn't require a lot of walking...
My friend brought me back some clay so at least I can sculpt some and let my fingers think instead of my head. Love ya,
I made a clam out of clay in second grade. Clam was open with a head in it. I didn't know clams didn't have heads inside the shell. Stupid but kind of funny looking. My mom had that thing on the buffet in the dining room for until we moved.
bless her heart. Nice china and my clam.
Try looking at the word Clam and not laughing.
CLAM.
clam.
lovbob
I texted Miz and she knows that you all are sending her your love.
She will read the posts in a few days or whenever she is up to it.
She just texted back:
tell them thank you so much. My angels.
lovbob
Crobin ~ you are strong to be able to stomach the playing.
I suspect there are more stories where that came from ...
wanna share more?