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Hi All, This is very off topic....I hope that everyone gets a chance to see the full moon tonight, the biggest and brightest moon viewing in the last 18 years.
Miz- my heartfelt condolences...sigh a heavy sigh of relief, her pain is over now, no longer to be felt again, except for angel's wings to surround her now.
Hi folks, Pedestrians and Sailors alike and new folks on board. Geezus I don't know sometimes if I can take it anymore. I finally got my old bedroom cleaned out from top to bottom and all mold clean out and redesigned with same stuff but in a neater fashion, she had so much stuff stuffed into that room. Home Health care girl had a family who took my old twin bed, so I got the Hospital bed delivered. I tried it out not too bad. Well when it came time to move her she balked at it like I thought she would, home health aide walked her down the hallway to the new bed....surprised she did not try her famous crumble game. Well she did not like it and started a big cry baby fuss, good thing they had given me a heavier prescription of Halperidol..anti - psych. Have to try to knock her out, hersundowning whining drives me practically insane like "Psycho" movie.....I really spiked her up today, she was on a roll and I am alone with her. I give her Halperdol and Ativan. Her strong psychotic mind is gonna end up killing me....if she keeps this kind of insanity up she will have to go to an NH, cause I have done so much for this woman and everyone see's it but her, but that is understandable of course with a demented NPD. Took it a little easy today replanted my nectarine tree and fig tree into little bit bigger containers, put up a new humminbird feeder so I have two out there, due to the little girl who has taken one as her own will not let another hummer come. lol...I was going to do much more outside but oh well....oh and yeah THE RADIATION HAS HIT THE CALIFORNIA COAST YESTERDAY..oh joy! So creepy to think of it. Have not been home in two days, wondering what is in the mail I need to address. I started to go through my mom's drawers in her room to start cleaning them out so I can move my clothes in...and man remember my story of finding tons of sugar and soap, well I found tons of bras and undies...I mean tons and then found packs of socks...tons of stuff like sweaters and pajama sets with price tags still on them...what a fn waste of my dad's money. I remember my mom used to say...keep it and save it for later...yeah well later never came...what a waste so much clothes I put in trash bags to go to thrift shop with price tags on it....I keep some stuff - gave my poor aunt a ton of stuff cause she has practically nothing...having to care for my useless cousin for so many years she would spend money on his diabetic nasty butt instead of buying for herself,she told me many times on how he spoke to her...just bossed her around in her own home while he never worked and destroyed the house with car and boat parts and oil and junk everywhere and sucking money out of her so sad. She almost cries everytime I bring her a goody bag...so many tops I brought her - never been worn. Craziness, I am fed up with the craziness of my mother, at the same time I feel sadness and compassion sometimes and then other times I am infuriated trying to deal with her stubborn demented - nervous energy mind. Sometimes I find her doing this wierd trampling down of all the covers and is bunched up and has a screwed up face and stares at me like I am the bad guy...I hate that...that I just want to send away to the NH..and be done with it...sometimes I cannot take the sick craziness of it all!
Pirate,,,, may I ask a personal question? What are you waiting for? My intention is not to upset you or make you angry, but again what are you waiting for ?
Ladeeda, Probably because when I mentioned to her about NH's previously, she would always go into this rant " I'M NOT GOING TO NO NURSING HOME!", so trying to keep to her wishes trying to keep her at home as long as I can, but I have a feeling she will end up there. I just came from having a nervous breakdown cry in the backyard. After my last post I decided to go out to the backyard, it is my oasis. It's full of flowers and garden trinkets, I have filled up with things I brought my parents plus my garden stuff so it is packed like a garden center..lol. So I was out there and was sitting on the garden bench that butts up to my old bedroom wall in which now the grand dame lies. Well here I hear her awful wail...her sick sing song she does with my name..I hate it so much...I cringe with a sickness in my stomach like the horror movies with the psycho's. Well I go inside and shout to her WHAT....well like always she freezes up and nothing comes out no much how much you prod...what did you call me for...well I think it has to do with her NARCISSITIC PERSONALITY DISORDER with a minor in "CONTROL". It's that control factor making sure you are about and at foot at all times so to speak. I told her I can't take much more of her craziness and I have done so much for her. She has sucked down a good portion of my life for the last 12 years the last two being the most sucked dry to the bone! Yeah Ladeeda..it's coming to that, there is going to be a point I can't physically move her around any more..she is almost like a limp rag doll about beer barrel size. I am getting so sick of it all. Just finished my 5th week of being on FAMILY LEAVE...I miss normalcy....I miss to high heavens doing anything on my own time. My mom sucked my time for the last 12 years..with her incessant phone call every day - had to be around to answer her phone call..oh I have suffered so at her hand. I was just thinking when I was balling out in the backyard on HOW MANY TIMES MY MOTHER HAS MADE ME CRY opposed to how many times I MADE MY MOTHER CRY...like a million to one I believe the ratio to be. I am sorry folks but have no one else to vent to as precisely as this as to you fellow boaters. Only you can understand to the nth degree. So thanks for lending me your plentitude of ears. I feel a bit better after crying it out...but I know there are plenty more to be had before it is all over and I cannot wait for that peacefull day. It's funny when I cleaned out my old bedroom upon which she had a lot of family photo's there is one photo of my mom when she is young and she is very beautiful in that 40's type of way. I asked her the other day how old she was and she said 23, which sounded right and I was surprised I got an answer. It's amazing I look at that pretty face and how did it get to be such a horrid dark personality that appeared from time to time and steal dealing with a tortured portion of it now?
Oh and I was speaking with the Hospice nurse and I can get some stronger sh*t than the Ativan and the Halperidol..I can get Thorazine...sh*t I remember that stuff always from pysch ward movies...oh kinda like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest...which is what I feel like I am in sometimes with her!!!!!
10;51 here . im here , ckinmail and playing games at f/b . soon going to bed , someone mention about the moon , i went out to see it , its cloduy but can see the moon , didnt se anything speical about it . by the way if parents starts to act crazy , BEWARE its a FULL MOON !!! woof wooof ... xoxo
I feel sorry tonight for all of us who have given up their life to take care of another person who can not give us any joy or happiness, just problems. It's not their fault, I know, I know, I know. It's the disease. It's hard anyway. Every morning I have to say to myself that I can't fly away. I don't really want to fly away. (even if I feel like flying away all the time). I am starting to understand the difference between the package "sense of duty + residual affection for a person who is no more the person you loved" - VERSUS - "the love for yourself and the istinct of survival". And I guess that if I continue to repress my istinct of survival, what can be the end of that? That I don't survive anymore. And though, (by now) I have decided to walk this path up to the end... I have decided not to change direction. I could change my mind the next years, and fly away. Who knows! Who the hell knows.
A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin .
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
'Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons, and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same very hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said,
'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high..... has got to be a ballerina!'
Rossella, my amazing friend Rossella! Your words are always cut to the chase ~ true & deep. Tonight I am struggling simply with leaving Sir in front of the TV watching Golden Girls while I induldge myself online with friends. How many years have I been on call before welcoming him into my adapted home so I could be his servant? Recalling the days I had some control of 'my life' ...
and Sir's mind is still sharp! Joking about the daily news & enjoying the pets .... I can not imagine how my friends, whose parents / charges cope with demented illnesses, can survive every stinking long day with nothing to look ahead to but another dawn breaking with the same person exhibiting the same bizarre behaviors & some new ones .... Old age is tough enough not to throw Alz & Dementia into the mix! Bless you all for all you cope with ~
Good evening cargivers!!! I missed the super moon as it was rising as it was storming at the time:( But it is bright and beautiful. You guys that are thinkin your elders are nuttier than normal cause of the full moon/super moon, it's true. People say it dosn't make sense but it's true. I've seen it first hand working with these folks. You get about 90 of them together in a facility and a good 3/4 of 'em will act out. Even more so in the locked units. I'm sure lots of you have seen it first hand also. My aunt must be one though that hasn't been affected by it tonight. I'm thankful. Cuz, I love it that you post jokes on here. I love having myself a good laugh. I will try to send you one in return:) I don't think i can beat the woodpecker one though, that was hilarious. Pirate, I'm so sorry you are having such a crummy time. That would be hard to deal with. Keep your head high, you are doing a wonderful thing even though she can't reconize it. Don't be afraid to admit when it gets to be to much, and keep venting like everyone told me. it does help. Ladeeda, it's wonderful of you to try to awnser questions. Don't stop. I know the first time i posted one, i couldn't wait for someone to awnser it. It didn't matter to me if I got the right awnser or not, just by someone agnolaging that I wasn't alone, that somone was listening helped so much. I'm with ya though about not getting enough info, it's frustrating when you get a question but no story behind it to help understand. Like "PEEING THE BED?" and your all like(what about peeing the bed? how to stop it? how to clean it up? what do you want to know?) Anyways(I've evedently had too much coffee for the night!!!) Bobbie, are you living on a boat now? I tried to go back and look at pld post and I got as far as you putting your mom in respite and you were looking at boats. I get the feeling now you have one.
pirate,,, you are exhausted as so many on this sight are. And I don't want to sound weird, but I feel you disappearing, into a place that has no meaning and no outlet. Of course she doesn't want to go to a NH. I have yet to hear an elder say, " hell yes, lets get my toothbrush and depends and hit the road" I have stated before for many they feel this is the END. But once they get in there, they adjust or remain miserable. Please consider how exhausted you are, and really see what you are waiting for. I know you are exhausted, and making that choice is going to take energy you don't have. I have also said Guilt is not love. you may have made a promise to her, but maybe it is time to make a promise to yourself, that you will not kill yourself and loose your sanity for a promise that no longer is valid. I think about Rip doing this for years and years. As much as I loved my mother I would have put her in a NH if she acted like yours does. My dad, went to assisted Living. No way, he was just like your mom. Nothing, and I mean nothing ever made him happy and at least I did not volunteer to be his victim..... Please take care of yourself, somehow, someway. You know if you choose the NH you will get nothing but love and support from all of us. You deserve a turn. But you have to TAKE it , no one is going to GIVE it to you. You are in my prayers and thoughts and I am sending hugs across the miles... let us know how you are... So what if she doesn't WANT to, is her want to more important than your want to??????
rip, I can not believe you do not have stocks in Kleenex, do you realize you would have enough money for respite.... I said I was going to bed, I didn't lie, I did, then had to get up and take something for pain, checked in and here I am reading and typing away. My email is not working very well, but got the one about Monty Man doing his kitty stretch and head turn... Praise the Kitty God in heaven. ......love ya
Ladeeda, when you advice other people putting their relatives in a NH when the situation is difficult, I don't understand. You had a knee broken by a lady who is more dangerous than all our relatives piled together, and as soon as you are better, you are willing to live with her again. Your behaviour says that you don't like NHs too much. I think we have to face the fact that we all feel guilty when we think of putting a relative in a NH. If we have to make that decision we'll have to deal with that. It's never easy, even if your parent is Jack the Ripper. I don't want to do it "now", I can't be sure I won't do it in the future. But I know it will be a very traumatic decision to make...
Good Morning All... Well another busy day for sure. Going to church again today, the only place I get an hour away. The game of repeat was ongoing yesterday. mom was sitting in the kitchen, iwent up and took the dog do his business outside and then returned to my cave ( lol) and wouldnt you know... 1/2 hr mom came waddling down with the dog, and said" did you take the dog out?".... calmly i said yes, you were sitting right there remember.... Oh she said... i didnt know.... OMG.... sometimes... that was when i decided it was a two martini night for me. This is the toughest job any of us will ever have. Yesterday as I sit and watched silly tv, i could not help ;but to remember when i did have a life... WOW.... I have a life now, just so not where i thought i would be for sure. So just trying to get from day to day..... Have a wonderful day all.
Angie, dear, you are just at the beginning! The average conversation with my mother is: "You have to go to bed". "Why?" "Because it's late". "Really? No, I don't want to go to bed" "Yes. You have to go to bed, "Why" "Because it's late": "Really? No, I don't want to go to bed" And so on and so on and so on until I raise her up and I lead her to the bathroom and she cries and says I am cruel and she wants to go back to her parents. (This happens sometimes around 2.00 a.m.)... Until some months ago I explained to her that she can't sit on the chair all night, otherwise her feet swell, and the doctor said... bla bla... blood pressure... hospital... bla bla... and so on and so on. But when you have to explain "why" every two seconds, because she forgets while you are explaining to her, after a while you stop explaining "why" and you act... Hence you are cruel! Martini time for me, too! (I mean the real one)
good morning, I haven't been to church in quite a while, but I think it would be comforting to go now. Rossella, you sounded sad about your mom and I hope things are looking better today. No matter how difficult this has been, for me, I feel like I'm dong the right thing by keeping mom at home. I do wish, however, that I scheduled in more Me time , just to go to a movie or a night out with friends. At my age, 58, though, I don't think there is such a thing as a night out with friends. Being isolated is the worst part of this for me, though. The dementia is a sickness, and we can't reason with the demented person, just do the best we can for them, and forgive ourselves at the end of the day for saying things like "I'm going to stick you in a nursing home if you keep acting like this!!!" In the morning the demented person has forgotten what happened the previous day and you can start fresh. Good luck to us all !! ssk
I remember when mom took care of her mom she had alz.... mom not only took care of her, took care of her mil w/ cancer and chemos and dad was just diagnosed at the same time with the prostrate cancer. So i suppose i get the caregiving for her.... honestly mom, you could have given me the long legs instead. I have a pretty good idea of whats to come. SSK.... i hear that. My friends have long gone.... i am 43... so take my nights out in here in my " woman cave " lol lol with take out , silly tv and bonding with my family here.... ok have to shower and get ready. will check back later my angels.... KEEP SMILING,LOVE TO ALL
It was a long night for me, for some reason mom kept getting up and opening the front the door, I would snap awake, jump out of bed and ask her where she was going "What do you care?" she would answer, Well, ok , she wants to sit on the front porch, , no shoes, no robe. Ok, I let her sit there for a few minutes then tell I'm going back to bed and she says she'll go too so we get her back in bed, I wait till i fall asleep, and It happens all over again, all through the night.
I guess it was the moon.
Sorry I've been AWOL lately. Tired, frustrated, all that.
rossella,,, I did not presume to advize pirate to put her mom in a nursing home, I asked what was holding her back. Even if she needed temporary respite. Her mom has NPD, that is a totally different kind of exhaustion. And yes I can not wait for Ruth to come home. She is there because BG would not listen that she needed to go to the dr. I would not be setting here with a broken knee, Ruth would not be in a NH, if the damned daughter would be more hands on and less thinking she knows everything. But this situation is what it is. As I said before, all I did with Pirate is ask her some questions and share my own experiance.
Dear sweet Miz, when you check in and see the love for you and your family I hope you feel the peace that all wish for you.
We wish peace for all of ourselves.
Pirate! what Ladeeda wrote for you is really good. I was almost gone when I had to put mom into respite. Aside from the fact that I had to fly back and forth from LA to east coast I forget how many times, my caregiving was killing me. Just recently Rip posted an article that spoke to, among other things, the extreme difficulity of caring for dementia ON YOUR OWN. Parent or client.
Pirate, save yourself. I know you just killed yourself working on the house and boy can I relate to that! At least start the research. There's research so you find the right place and you need to have the medical paperwork in order. You might be able to call a place and ask what paperwork you need so when the time is right for you, you have completed that part. with mom, I had to get a chest x-ray to rule out TB, as well as some blood work, etc. They had a doctor that came right out to the apt in LA to do the interview and that made it so much easier and I had mom's wheelchair by then so we were able to go and get her chest x ray without a lot of stress. Good luck Pirate and know that you are a human and 'even Superman can't do this...' (from that article)
Rossella, You are right, it is a very traumatic decision to make and when I made it to save my own life the decision did not rest easy with me. I knew that I had no choice, I couldn't fly back and forth with mom because there is no way I could have handled the business and mom too. And keep in mind, it was all mom's business. All the craziness that she had aquired and I was left to deal with it. Still dealing with it. I wasn't going to ask Nik to do it alone. He had done enough. I was stressed enough and knew that respite was for mom's safety too... as in, if I die what happens to my mom? At least I knew she was secure and looked after and all of her 'final arrangements' I had already bought and paid for AND the arrangements were designed to work if she died on the east OR west coast. One phone call and that was it. In retrospect, knowing what I know now I would have made a decision that mom went into memory care sooner so I wouldn't have hurt myself so badly. The PTSD and the physical healing is a bear.
It's always going to depend on the strength of the caregiver, and after all that I had done my strength was gone. I truly felt my life force slipping away. Healing now.
SSK, you have all of our respect in caring for your mom at home. I for one know exactly how difficult that is because when mom came out of respite, we came home and that is where she spent the last weeks of her life. I had located a live in caregiver and I was so lucky to have found her! there is no way I could have done that alone! Of course I keep forgetting that that was the time when I was finalizing the business in that little ignorant town where mom had her building. wiped me out. waaaawaaaaa
Angie! omg what a caregiving history you have! what a loving family.
I think that this is an important point: placing a parent does not mean that you don't love your parent. We love/loved them so much it has almost killed some of us.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Hi folks,
Pedestrians and Sailors alike and new folks on board. Geezus I don't know sometimes if I can take it anymore. I finally got my old bedroom cleaned out from top to bottom and all mold clean out and redesigned with same stuff but in a neater fashion, she had so much stuff stuffed into that room. Home Health care girl had a family who took my old twin bed, so I got the Hospital bed delivered. I tried it out not too bad. Well when it came time to move her she balked at it like I thought she would, home health aide walked her down the hallway to the new bed....surprised she did not try her famous crumble game. Well she did not like it and started a big cry baby fuss, good thing they had given me a heavier prescription of Halperidol..anti - psych. Have to try to knock her out, hersundowning whining drives me practically insane like "Psycho" movie.....I really spiked her up today, she was on a roll and I am alone with her. I give her Halperdol and Ativan. Her strong psychotic mind is gonna end up killing me....if she keeps this kind of insanity up she will have to go to an NH, cause I have done so much for this woman and everyone see's it but her, but that is understandable of course with a demented NPD. Took it a little easy today replanted my nectarine tree and fig tree into little bit bigger containers, put up a new humminbird feeder so I have two out there, due to the little girl who has taken one as her own will not let another hummer come. lol...I was going to do much more outside but oh well....oh and yeah THE RADIATION HAS HIT THE CALIFORNIA COAST YESTERDAY..oh joy! So creepy to think of it. Have not been home in two days, wondering what is in the mail I need to address. I started to go through my mom's drawers in her room to start cleaning them out so I can move my clothes in...and man remember my story of finding tons of sugar and soap, well I found tons of bras and undies...I mean tons and then found packs of socks...tons of stuff like sweaters and pajama sets with price tags still on them...what a fn waste of my dad's money. I remember my mom used to say...keep it and save it for later...yeah well later never came...what a waste so much clothes I put in trash bags to go to thrift shop with price tags on it....I keep some stuff - gave my poor aunt a ton of stuff cause she has practically nothing...having to care for my useless cousin for so many years she would spend money on his diabetic nasty butt instead of buying for herself,she told me many times on how he spoke to her...just bossed her around in her own home while he never worked and destroyed the house with car and boat parts and oil and junk everywhere and sucking money out of her so sad. She almost cries everytime I bring her a goody bag...so many tops I brought her - never been worn. Craziness, I am fed up with the craziness of my mother, at the same time I feel sadness and compassion sometimes and then other times I am infuriated trying to deal with her stubborn demented - nervous energy mind. Sometimes I find her doing this wierd trampling down of all the covers and is bunched up and has a screwed up face and stares at me like I am the bad guy...I hate that...that I just want to send away to the NH..and be done with it...sometimes I cannot take the sick craziness of it all!
I just came from having a nervous breakdown cry in the backyard. After my last post I decided to go out to the backyard, it is my oasis. It's full of flowers and garden trinkets, I have filled up with things I brought my parents plus my garden stuff so it is packed like a garden center..lol. So I was out there and was sitting on the garden bench that butts up to my old bedroom wall in which now the grand dame lies. Well here I hear her awful wail...her sick sing song she does with my name..I hate it so much...I cringe with a sickness in my stomach like the horror movies with the psycho's. Well I go inside and shout to her WHAT....well like always she freezes up and nothing comes out no much how much you prod...what did you call me for...well I think it has to do with her NARCISSITIC PERSONALITY DISORDER with a minor in "CONTROL". It's that control factor making sure you are about and at foot at all times so to speak. I told her I can't take much more of her craziness and I have done so much for her. She has sucked down a good portion of my life for the last 12 years the last two being the most sucked dry to the bone! Yeah Ladeeda..it's coming to that, there is going to be a point I can't physically move her around any more..she is almost like a limp rag doll about beer barrel size. I am getting so sick of it all. Just finished my 5th week of being on FAMILY LEAVE...I miss normalcy....I miss to high heavens doing anything on my own time. My mom sucked my time for the last 12 years..with her incessant phone call every day - had to be around to answer her phone call..oh I have suffered so at her hand. I was just thinking when I was balling out in the backyard on HOW MANY TIMES MY MOTHER HAS MADE ME CRY opposed to how many times I MADE MY MOTHER CRY...like a million to one I believe the ratio to be. I am sorry folks but have no one else to vent to as precisely as this as to you fellow boaters. Only you can understand to the nth degree. So thanks for lending me your plentitude of ears. I feel a bit better after crying it out...but I know there are plenty more to be had before it is all over and I cannot wait for that peacefull day. It's funny when I cleaned out my old bedroom upon which she had a lot of family photo's there is one photo of my mom when she is young and she is very beautiful in that 40's type of way. I asked her the other day how old she was and she said 23, which sounded right and I was surprised I got an answer. It's amazing I look at that pretty face and how did it get to be such a horrid dark personality that appeared from time to time and steal dealing with a tortured portion of it now?
Have you had your Radiation for the day? Geez.....what a mess!
im here , ckinmail and playing games at f/b . soon going to bed ,
someone mention about the moon , i went out to see it , its cloduy but can see the moon , didnt se anything speical about it .
by the way if parents starts to act crazy , BEWARE its a FULL MOON !!! woof wooof ... xoxo
West Coast Rip is here ....
schitt! I can relate!
Are you on FB?
The crazy Full Moon tonight!
Is that why the dad is going thru his third box of LOUD SNORTING Kleenex???
And I guess that if I continue to repress my istinct of survival, what can be the end of that? That I don't survive anymore.
And though, (by now) I have decided to walk this path up to the end... I have decided not to change direction.
I could change my mind the next years, and fly away. Who knows! Who the hell knows.
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls"
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked...
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin .
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
'Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons, and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same very hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said,
'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high..... has got to be a ballerina!'
Your words are always cut to the chase ~ true & deep.
Tonight I am struggling simply with leaving Sir in front of the TV watching Golden Girls while I induldge myself online with friends.
How many years have I been on call before welcoming him into my adapted home so I could be his servant?
Recalling the days I had some control of 'my life' ...
and Sir's mind is still sharp! Joking about the daily news & enjoying the pets ....
I can not imagine how my friends, whose parents / charges cope with demented illnesses, can survive every stinking long day with nothing to look ahead to but another dawn breaking with the same person exhibiting the same bizarre behaviors & some new ones ....
Old age is tough enough not to throw Alz & Dementia into the mix!
Bless you all for all you cope with ~
I have stated before for many they feel this is the END. But once they get in there, they adjust or remain miserable. Please consider how exhausted you are, and really see what you are waiting for. I know you are exhausted, and making that choice is going to take energy you don't have. I have also said Guilt is not love. you may have made a promise to her, but maybe it is time to make a promise to yourself, that you will not kill yourself and loose your sanity for a promise that no longer is valid.
I think about Rip doing this for years and years. As much as I loved my mother I would have put her in a NH if she acted like yours does. My dad, went to assisted Living. No way, he was just like your mom. Nothing, and I mean nothing ever made him happy and at least I did not volunteer to be his victim..... Please take care of yourself, somehow, someway. You know if you choose the NH you will get nothing but love and support from all of us. You deserve a turn. But you have to TAKE it , no one is going to GIVE it to you. You are in my prayers and thoughts and I am sending hugs across the miles... let us know how you are... So what if she doesn't WANT to, is her want to more important than your want to??????
Your behaviour says that you don't like NHs too much.
I think we have to face the fact that we all feel guilty when we think of putting a relative in a NH. If we have to make that decision we'll have to deal with that. It's never easy, even if your parent is Jack the Ripper.
I don't want to do it "now", I can't be sure I won't do it in the future. But I know it will be a very traumatic decision to make...
Yesterday as I sit and watched silly tv, i could not help ;but to remember when i did have a life... WOW.... I have a life now, just so not where i thought i would be for sure. So just trying to get from day to day..... Have a wonderful day all.
And so on and so on and so on until I raise her up and I lead her to the bathroom and she cries and says I am cruel and she wants to go back to her parents.
(This happens sometimes around 2.00 a.m.)...
Until some months ago I explained to her that she can't sit on the chair all night, otherwise her feet swell, and the doctor said... bla bla... blood pressure... hospital... bla bla... and so on and so on. But when you have to explain "why" every two seconds, because she forgets while you are explaining to her, after a while you stop explaining "why" and you act...
Hence you are cruel!
Martini time for me, too! (I mean the real one)
Rossella, you sounded sad about your mom and I hope things are looking better today.
No matter how difficult this has been, for me, I feel like I'm dong the right thing by keeping mom at home. I do wish, however, that I scheduled in more Me time , just to go to a movie or a night out with friends. At my age, 58, though, I don't think there is such a thing as a night out with friends. Being isolated is the worst part of this for me, though. The dementia is a sickness, and we can't reason with the demented person, just do the best we can for them, and forgive ourselves at the end of the day for saying things like "I'm going to stick you in a nursing home if you keep acting like this!!!" In the morning the demented person has forgotten what happened the previous day and you can start fresh. Good luck to us all !!
ssk
"What do you care?" she would answer, Well, ok , she wants to sit on the front porch, , no shoes, no robe.
Ok, I let her sit there for a few minutes then tell I'm going back to bed and she says she'll go too so we get her back in bed, I wait till i fall asleep, and It happens all over again, all through the night.
I guess it was the moon.
Sorry I've been AWOL lately. Tired, frustrated, all that.
And yes I can not wait for Ruth to come home. She is there because BG would not listen that she needed to go to the dr. I would not be setting here with a broken knee, Ruth would not be in a NH, if the damned daughter would be more hands on and less thinking she knows everything. But this situation is what it is.
As I said before, all I did with Pirate is ask her some questions and share my own experiance.
Dear sweet Miz, when you check in and see the love for you and your family I hope you feel the peace that all wish for you.
We wish peace for all of ourselves.
Pirate! what Ladeeda wrote for you is really good. I was almost gone when I had to put mom into respite. Aside from the fact that I had to fly back and forth from LA to east coast I forget how many times, my caregiving was killing me.
Just recently Rip posted an article that spoke to, among other things, the extreme difficulity of caring for dementia ON YOUR OWN. Parent or client.
Pirate, save yourself. I know you just killed yourself working on the house and boy can I relate to that!
At least start the research. There's research so you find the right place and you need to have the medical paperwork in order. You might be able to call a place and ask what paperwork you need so when the time is right for you, you have completed that part.
with mom, I had to get a chest x-ray to rule out TB, as well as some blood work, etc.
They had a doctor that came right out to the apt in LA to do the interview and that made it so much easier and I had mom's wheelchair by then so we were able to go and get her chest x ray without a lot of stress.
Good luck Pirate and know that you are a human and 'even Superman can't do this...' (from that article)
Rossella, You are right, it is a very traumatic decision to make and when I made it to save my own life the decision did not rest easy with me. I knew that I had no choice, I couldn't fly back and forth with mom because there is no way I could have handled the business and mom too. And keep in mind, it was all mom's business. All the craziness that she had aquired and I was left to deal with it. Still dealing with it.
I wasn't going to ask Nik to do it alone. He had done enough.
I was stressed enough and knew that respite was for mom's safety too... as in, if I die what happens to my mom? At least I knew she was secure and looked after and all of her 'final arrangements' I had already bought and paid for AND the arrangements were designed to work if she died on the east OR west coast. One phone call and that was it.
In retrospect, knowing what I know now I would have made a decision that mom went into memory care sooner so I wouldn't have hurt myself so badly. The PTSD and the physical healing is a bear.
It's always going to depend on the strength of the caregiver, and after all that I had done my strength was gone.
I truly felt my life force slipping away.
Healing now.
SSK, you have all of our respect in caring for your mom at home. I for one know exactly how difficult that is because when mom came out of respite, we came home and that is where she spent the last weeks of her life. I had located a live in caregiver and I was so lucky to have found her! there is no way I could have done that alone!
Of course I keep forgetting that that was the time when I was finalizing the business in that little ignorant town where mom had her building. wiped me out. waaaawaaaaa
Angie! omg what a caregiving history you have! what a loving family.
I think that this is an important point:
placing a parent does not mean that you don't love your parent. We love/loved them so much it has almost killed some of us.
Out to go to work on the foredick.
lovbob