Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Jam, you did a great job with OBMAJ. that's pretty much how it went. It was FAST.
We were all posting about something and AJ hit that one and Oh bite me Amber Jane was off my fingers and on the thread in a nanosecond.
Screw the sanctimonious.

Pirate! it's time. do it while you still have some energy left.
Also, for the ones who have parents who don't want to bathe, please remember that they may be scared of falling.
I got mom a shower chair because she was just too weak to stand there while I scrubbed her. Made all the difference.

If they stink and you can't get them out of bed, use Febreeze. I also pulled that on mom and the next day she was ready for a shower.
Don't soak, just mist. It really helps. I can't take stink. omg,

Remember that they can't stand for long because as they forget how to stand up and walk (and that will happen) the muscles in their legs get weaker and weaker. It's a vicious circle.

you guys are amazing people. for some it's time to take the next step.

Miz! good to see from you! remember to breathe and take it as easy as you can.
Our bodies tell us how much time we have and if we get something we can't fight off we have to go.
If we get hurt in an accident and broken beyond repair we have to go.
Put it all in perspective and think about the kids with cancer that die before they live.
Not everybody gets to live to the 'ripe old age' of myth.
think of all your mother in law accomplished. She had a wonderful family and raised a son that loves you and the ground you walk on.
She is young, but she lived and lived well.
Celebrate that sweet Miz and let go of the things you cannot change........

lovbob

Bobbie, exactly about the standing and legs...we have been trying to get her to walk around and excercise but it is always no...so this is what happens next atropy...soon the legs and everything is good for nothing. I try to have her excercise a bit sitting down by raising legs..but it is so minimum...it's that stubborn arse I have to deal with...well we will see what happens each day.....I am getting very close to the point where I can't deal with it much longer...it's hard to treat her institutionally when you are in house...trying to manuevar around in a tighter space than you would in a NH room. If one person cannot get her up soon then that will be what breaks the camels back..yeah mine...the damn bars on the edge of the bed are already making my back hurt putting them on and off on one side!

lol...who said take the Thorazine yourself..lol...sounds good but I was exploring it on the internet and found one site that was more by mental patients against it stating is like a lobotomy..it makes folks into just zombies....and it does take its toll after a long period..okay for mommy dearest but for me...I like a ativan every now and then at bedtime.

Sorry folks that I keep taking up space here...but it is my only outlet for right now....I think being cooped up here for 3 days straight is what is helping add to the misery...late tonight I am going to knock her out so good so I can go home to my house and sleep b/f will be there too so that will help bring some normalcy. I think that will help a bit....

Hockey is on tv right now and that seems to bring a sense of some normalcy all this Japan and Libya stuff has been a depressing factor to add on top of day to day hell at home with mommy dearest. How one person can make your life utter hell is abomnible...I still wonder about that premonition I had around my early 20's about her being my hell later on...that premonition was so dead on...I really wonder where it came from...how did that message get sent from the future to the past?

Pirate, OK ....I cried with you the first half of your post. My mom is only 124 lbs, but now has a big gut. Bought her a bunch of clothes for her b/day that fit. Smalls no more. My right elbow needs to be reconstructed acording to ortho doc, so lifting for me is out of the question like you do. I do take her lortab after 59thousand times to the bathroom in one day.( Oh, we were out from 10:30 AM to 3:30 PM on Friday and she didn't pee once. I have taken her 20 times this AM.)

Sounds like you are at the point you can't take care of yourself. That is not good. No one can make the NH decision but you. You have our support whatever you decide, but decide it while you still can.

Rip and Christina...are you experiencing this rain...the guys on the local news said so cal was going to have 2 to 4 inches of rain today and that is a lot for us to handle...I see street floodings happening...and swift water rescues on the news tonight!

Miz, this morning at 1:30 a.m. I was awoken by the loud singing of so many birds in the backyard I had to go and investigate... When I opened the door I can't tell you how peaceful it was! The whole backyard was lit up like a silouette of complete calm, complete stillness, and slight colors showing in parts of the garden from the spring flowers. When I looked up at the moon shinning its brightness I decided to sit down in the grass and enjoy a bit of private peace, something I have not felt in a very long time. And yes, the little birds were still singing their songs to one another. May you and your family find your special, private peace today and in the following days to come. GOD bless you, my dear friend!

can't win this one Pirate. impossible to pick her up and move her. At some point she will go down and at that point please call the fire dept and they'll come out and do a 'lift'. You can and will seriously damage your back trying to pull dead weight off of the floor. It's also easier on them for the guys to come out because they can pick her up without hurting her. If only one of us is there, we would end up pulling on an arm and that is not going to work. Poor pirate...poor mama
one more big task Pirate... get it ready to happen so you can live. I am so sorry Pirate i really am.
I have one more big task with mom's house and then I am finally free (hopefully)
C'mon Pirate, let's do it together. I'll do the house thing and you do the mom in the home thing. We'll talk every night.
smaller with better nursing sounds perfect. That's what I did.
3 to 1 caregiver to patient ratio.
what do you say?
I am terrified of selling all of that stuff in that huge house. (Huge to me) I just want it to be finished and Pirate, you know I know what you are going through. NPD, BPD, etc etc.
lovbob

Pirate ~ for what it's worth you just got BOAT TIME!!! Pack your bags, girl ...
11,600 posts & clicking! What a fabulous family!
Sun is shining & I want outside! Way too much yard & deck work waiting ....
Spoon feeding Monty ...

Care - somewhere i started saving definitions, like OBMAJ. When I come across it I'll put it on your wall. Jam said great. It was a sad day in late Novemeber. Miz was on DeathWatch with her mom. We were all on that compassionate edge & the last thing we could stomach was her arrogant, flowery tone to buy another tooth brush. for this endearing journey called care giving..
Bobbie's next post of "Oh Bite Me Amber Jane" really broke the ice! If little miss Amber Jane had read any of the posts on the previous page or the first ew posts on page one - she would have realized she was talking with some pretty deep & seasoned people here. BTW, Miz was one of the first 5 - old format had 5 posts per page. Easy reading & sorting until we started being so truthful ...

We really need a glossary & index here. I've learned many terms I'd like to remember & define. Poop Soup & Sunshine Piss are a couple that Sir & I use often. I'll be draining his cath bag & he'll ask "Is it Sunshine this morning?"

Ro he'll thump out of the bathroom growling "G D Poop Soup!" ~
I'm sure everyone else has their favorites ... maybe we should create a special wall for the purpose? Trying to wade back thru these posts is almost a full time job. I came aboard in late June on a warm sunny afternoon ~ my best friend, a husky wo was with me over 15 years, was failing from cancer, I had just cleaned up a mess of poop soup & was shaking in front of my computer feeling totally isolated.

I typed in something about my father's digestive system ruling my lie - I remember trying to be tactful, not say crap, BM or anything unpleasant -
Up popped this thread about a toothb brush. With in a few pages I realized "WOW! I am not alone with this shit!"

Took me a few day to work up the courage to share. I'd never been on a forum, web site, whatever. Best thing ever for my emotional health!
When friends aboard here suggested Face Book another outlet was born for me! I love the pohtos we share!
Darned thing is it is so habit forming! I need to do something with this beautiful day - like see if it was poop soup last night or if the piss is sunshine. Red Tide is really scary - another story buried here somewhere ~

Seem thanks for crying with me this morning that made me cry now...okay suck them up....okay. Yes I know...we will see what happens in the next few days...I thought she would get stabilized but I think the move and how much she was against it made her decline more...that's my mom twisted mind at work. I told the Hospice nurse a lot of my back history and people just shake their head. My mom was a good mom in a sense but there was a lot of wierd issues to deal with at the same time. My mom cooked and cleaned and was the good housewife but she had a demented side probably from being poor and going through WWII hands on in Germany...but damn..to never realize what you do to people around you is certainly a mental state of mind. I remember as a teen in the house...and the phone would ring she would be so paronoid..."Who's that"...she still did that till just last year. Stuff like that and other things she did creeped me out.

Bobbie and Rip thanks for responding to my posts..I really sound like a whimp today....I guess it's been building up...it's just so much change. Crying helps to releive stress, I hear crying is good for you actually. Everytime someone responds to my sobbing today it makes me sob more....so sorry! Tough Pirate..harumpf....have to hang in there...I need to do something this morning..usually I go into the yard and hear those birds singing and eating at the feeders and the crows and the squirrelys...but it is heavy rain today in so cal...just a few days ago sunshine up the ying yang...they said this is a december rain we are getting today....

La la la another post from me....sigh...okay I am going to get off for a bit and make something to eat...I am so depressed this morning....hmmm scrambled eggs with cheese ooooh and I have some hot links in the freezer I can have with the eggs...better go defrost a few...hmmm getting hungrier....so so tired of all of this mommy dearest stuff I hate this long boat to china syndrome stuff...LOL.....!

Oh damn girls I started crying again...I think its because I have been cooped up here alone with her so long.....this is such abnormal living....okay shutting up and starting some breaky.....be back later so I can give you all a chance to post..hey is everybody being a good christian and is in church this morn?

It must be Sunday .......I won the bath war!!!!Seriously, I just wheeled her from her bathroom (for the 83rd time today) to the one with the shower (have a shower seat). She got up from the wheelchair, walked into a warm shower, let me undress her and sat on the shower seat and I began. Halfway through she said, "How did I get in here so easy?" I said she didn't fight me and then she started,"Get me out of this GD bath! I don't need it! I want out! I mean it!" and I finished and told her we set a record for the shortest ever. But I got it done. I was going to have my sister do it tomorrow, but I can never count on her.

Hey Pirate, are you near San Diego? My sons live there.

I have tried and tried to find the amber jane thing. i get about to the first part of march 2010 and have to stop.

Pirate I'm going to throw in my 6 cents worth again.....please, please protect your back. When I started in EMS in 1985, I was a trainee for a whole 30 days. In order to be "released" to a 2-man crew I had to be able to squat down and lift 100 lbs....problem with that is the ambulance cot weighed about 50....put the average person on and the weight went up and up. And that was after picking the person up or crawling around in a wrecked vehicle, etc. New cots now weigh 100 or more lbs. For a yr I volunteered my time to the tune of 60 hours a week. Then I went full-time in 1986 and worked some sort of schedule until Oct. 2009. In 1997 I took a male patient from the hosp to nh, he had been sedated so the best way to move him is one person pulls, the other person pushes. At the nh, no one would help us so as I had one knee on the bed I stretched across and grabbed the sheet to pull him into his bed....no one noticed he had wrapped his foot around the bottom of the amb cot....he didn't come when I pulled. Off work for a month with L-5, S-1 herniation...sucked it up and went back to work because it was my turn to work Thanksgiving and I wasn't going to take someone else's holiday away from them. Reinjured a yr later, and was told not to lift over 20 lbs.....hid that report......needed the job. I just kept picking people up, doing the job over and over.....it had gotten to the point where I couldn't lift anymore and my coworkers knew that and they picked up the slack when they could. The last straw came Oct 15, 2009, went to pick up a woman who had fallen at midnight at home, instead of calling the ambulance then her family dragged a mattress to her, got her on it, then waited until 0730 a.m. to call us. I was on the ambulance only because the other medic had overslept...I was supposed to be on the fire engine that day. This was not an elderly woman, but she decided to scream her head off when you slightly moved her....said her hip hurt....so I treat her as though she has a fracture. Start an iv, give her some Demerol for the pain, take her to the hospital and she is "dead weight"....oh she's awake but we have to be an actress. And the nurses wouldn't help us move her. Well, I felt this horrible ripping, tearing pain across my middle back....and I am standing there between beds holding the weight of this woman. End result after my ER visit....muscle strain and spasms across mid-back, exacerbation of L-5, S-1 arthritis, herniated discs in my neck at C-4,5,6 and 7. Severe trap muscle spasms of right shoulder. If I have to stoop, hubby has to help me up or I have to grab something....I cannot get up by myself. Think about a "charley horse" cramp in your leg....that is what my back has done for the last week. My back is destroyed.....and to be honest I am scared to death what my physical health will be in 5 yrs if I have to get more "physical" with the col. I have used a back brace that is made for EMS personnel...the problem with it is that your back muscles begin to relax and it feels so good.....but the stomach muscles start to lose their tone.....it's a toss up I guess. To make a long story long......SAVE YOUR BACK IF AT ALL POSSIBLE!!!!!!!! I have decided to start using the woman who helped us out the last time we went on our short trip. She only works maybe one day a month in EMS and could use the extra money....save my back and my sanity.

I'll quit babbling now..........it's bath time for the col......

Love and Hugz,
Jam

nope closer to LAX...

Seem the morning time in the backyard sounded like heaven...I miss my backyard fix today due to rain, but I keep looking out there...the birds are persistent in going to the feeders...poor things...how they have to fare the cold rain and looking for food...and here I am whining in a warm indoors.

Seem yeah I miss the days my mom would go into a bath...but between me and the caregiver and the home health aide mom has been clean, even nurses remark about how clean she is.

Geezus my back aches in a wierd way..I hate having to hoist her up from laying to sitting ....its a pin.....geezus dang wind...I heard a bunch of noise...gotta go investigate what it was...

Geez Jam no sooner I posted about my back and then you wrote that detailed account with your back...wow!!! I know they trained us at work on how to lift but I always use my back and forget how to use my legs on lifts...but I know I am hoisting mom up incorrectly cause I am just doing a yank....and not a slow pull. I guess I should be more patient and do it slowly...for the best for both of us in fact.
Celebrity apprentice is on tonight..oh my gosh Gary Busey's mind is absolutely gone....geesh what the heck did he do all those years...what kinda drugs wiped out his mind?
Geez its a stormy day here...so scary the noises outside today...winds can cause so much damage.

I love Gary Busey, I want him to be my future ex husband..

Geezus rain, Christina are you getting this rain? Oh geez and wind...wow...my mom's house is on top of a hill in the middle of the street...so we get more wind up here..it's great for having whirligigs in the backyard but heavy wind is scary and there is a gigantic tree in the front yard of the house next store that the stupid city won't cut down..SAVE THE SYCAMORES lame arsed homeowners that don't live nexct to deadly ones...and my dad cancelled home insurrance ages ago...dumb parents! I have to get that going soon...my parents did some lame things that I have to now recitfy around the house. I had a lot of electrical stuff address but need lots more plus a lot of remodel and repaint and recarpet. At least I can look forward for the first time in my life buying new sets of furniture...oooh when I look at the pretty china cabinets and dining room tables and tapestry chairs I just drool...oh and new bedroom furniture..oh I can just drool...crazy eh...been waiting a long time to buy new new new new. I have some things at my other house new..but just bits and pieces.....but at the same time gonna miss the place...but it will be nice having my own private backyard and garage and laundry...etc.

oh Ladeeda that was rich..oh geezes I hear her sick moaning...and it's not mine name..it's like...allllahhhhhh-ack!

Jam, that 's good advice to save our backs. Mine was hurting just reading your description.
Maybe I'll watch the celeb apprentice tonight, am getting sick of desperate housewives. I like Army Wives on lifetime channel.

Pirate, happy Sunday down the coast--how come you do not answer my email? I have sent you 2 or 3. You're having a time, huh? I'll have to catch up with your posts, but I can't read everyone's.
Morning, Ladeeda. It is windy and dark here at noon, but no rain yet. I think I'll make some beef stew today for din din. Kids are coming later.
Morning, SSK. Have you spoken to boys? We are expecting rain today and Monday, and next weekend, and an earthquake sometime soon, but I cannot give it any attention.
Mother in a pretty good mood, but new caregiver--whom I adore--gave her shower this morning, and Mother did her "Wet Cat" routine. No one can do anything as well as I can, she says. It's a wonder I have any cgs left who do not hate my guts and hers. oow--maybe they do.
Well, I checked my notifications and there were 100. I don't have the time or energy to read them all. I know Miz's MIL passed yesterday, as I was notified on fb. Ongoing love and prayers to Miz and her husband's family.
It's a low-key day. Glad to see some feistiness here--what else is new!-- but not from me today.
Pirate, if you come onto fb later to chat, I can give you my email. Otherwise, see you on the Ark.
Love to all, HUGS,
christina

When we get back we're getting TV!!!!
I can watch Celebrity Apprentice tomorrow on hulu but can't see the other stuff and Army Wives sounds like fun.

Donald Trump is an ok tv celebrity but please don't run for public office you unmitigated thief. whatta crook. great villain. boy you think America is known for corporate greed now......
got some real time Donald Trump stories and he would take the gold from his grandma's teeth and not even blink.
Absolutely no scruples whatsoever. love that he acts like he cares that the celebs are working for charity. ha ha.
Gary Busey is a mad man. Ladeeda you are hilarious. Talk about a lot of work.....
Remember him in Streisand's A Star is Born? was so cool.

Jam, your back description made me do a big O with hands up to mouth. eeek. My back is still hammered after mom but getting better except when I work too hard but even then not anything near what you are experiencing. awful.

sun shower here, off and on. my cousin vinny train going by.

Pirate!! febreeze!!

lovbob

Christina I have not been online for awhile...let off a lot of steam and crying today and last eve. I will check my emails after this post. I don't have facebook is it easy to join...?

Yes. Go to it online, look for me and request to be friends.
Easy Schmeasy. you can talk to many of your friends from HERE THERE.
Crying is good, letting off steam is good. I am at "numb place" at the moment. Not sure why. Maybe empty and filling up.
Hope to see you! Sent you a hug:) christina

Christina found your email and responded. I went to the EPA website and checked out what they had to say about the radiation...they say not to worry..yeah right. Are you getting this horrible rain.

Not yet. TERRIBLE winds so far. I have to go out right now. Maybe wind will blow me far away and no one will find me?
Will check email first.
WORRY? It does no good. We are not in control.

well i joined facebook and then it made me feel wierd cause there was contacts already and I don't like the idea of everyone seeing my responses..it creeped me out so I deactivated it..sorry folks...it creeped me out...