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Seeme, A lot of clothes does not make a "clothes horse". One who projects a fashion sense and a particular style, is. Lots of shoes could be a fetish, most especially since she is not walking! Oh my goodness: my Mother was/is a clothes horse. I keep her looking coordinated and put together, however, I look like I just got out of the gym most of the time, and not in matching work out gear. I got rid of most clothes from the 60 through the 90s, but kept a few things from the 40s. I rotate her summer and winter wardrobe from the armoire in her room--which was my office--and the guest room upstairs, which is still my guest room, but it looks like someone lives there full time. Overflow. Scary. I doubt your Mom is a horseshoe, but make sure you keep her upright, just in case. You need the good luck. Hugs:)
ASG: poor little thing. Maybe she is seeing the things of family, which she did not have, and it's too late now, and she is feeling sad and regretful. With strokes, do they get depressed or disoriented? Maybe Bobbie or Jam will know, but as with all these little old ones, what goes through their minds must be painful. I wish you peace, ASG. Hugs, Christina
ASG - was she OCD about cleaning when she was on her own. I had a friend who thought a room was "tore up" if one thing was out of place. And HE didn't have kids. And if she CHOSE not to have kids, she probably doesn't have the patience for them.
Thanks christina, you may be onto somthing, her and her husband were never able to have children, it was just the two of them, she jokes that god knew what he was doing when he didnt give her children. Maybe she is right. arrgh. It just seemed so inappropriate for her to freak out like that over ANYTHING, you would have thought she saw a dead body in the house or somthing, screaming, crying, mumbling things i couldnt understand, she almost fell over he walker getting back to her room. she said she shouldnt have came out, and it makes me mad when they make extra messes for you. my oh my gosh, compared to many friends houses with children, mine is immaculate. ok not immaculate but pretty decent for having 5 younger children in it. Thank god she didnt have to come here when they were babys with all the baby gear and toys, blankets. I dont know. something dosnt seem normal about the way she freaked out like that. and i dont know how to help her, with everything else i do those towls were the very LASTthing on my mind. The bathroom the kids do use is always picked up first thing cause when we use to have company the kids bath was the guest bath also.
austin- are u lookin for younger man or older man ? pick out the picture ya think he is honest and ask him that before u meet him . i dislike fake pictures . if i were u i would ask him to post a picture what he looks like now so when u go meet him u ll know that is him for a fact . it ll take time to find mr right , hey miz how long did it take u to find mr right ? i found mine on a street corner and i was only 17 . he came up to me and my friends on his motor cycle and took me a ride and we stuck together , :-) allshesgot - i dont know what sgoing on but my dad is flippin out bad when he has to go to bathroom , screamin crying help me help me ! i think i should get him back on antidepression meds , crying says he dont feel good , i ask him if he wants to go to hospital ? he says no , i said how about go vist ur doctor he says no . its either uti flarin up or he needs to get back on antidrepression meds . or it is realy a full moon out there but its not . i dont know , i am tired of it , maybe i shall take his antidepressions meds , blahhh . ssk- this bitch here didnt get to sleep with my bastard last night , this bitch here had to sleep on the couch so i could hear dad flip out freakin out 3 times during the wee hours in the morning . so i woke up begin a bitch ,. i realy do hope u find u a man and maybe i ll call u a bitch then . :-) go wash ur bastards underwear and go fix him supper and make him one happy man . i realy do hope u find ya a man .
Fabulous that you made it out of the yard, seemeride! I know how intoxicating that feeling of freedom is. When I get to go somewhere by myself I savor every moment (and don't tell anybody, but sometimes I fantasize that I am never going back and will have unlimited freedom forever!! but then i look at my atm balance and have to give up and go home).
I got to go somewhere with hubby for a couple of hours but when i got home my mother, who was perfectly fine, was sitting on the edge of her bed snotting and crying. You would think she was 4 instead of 91.
I don't bother to tell my sister anything about my mother anymore. She doesn't ask, I don't tell. She is my assistant at work so when other people ask about my mother, that's when she finds out that our mother fell, or broke a toe or had the flu, etc. One time when mom had a nasty and disgusting stomach virus I texted my sister "mom must have been sleeping the last then times you called her. she's awake now, why don't you try again." She actually got the hint and called.
We have the same "always cold" problem here. She has a little electric heater in her room because she cries and accuses us of turning off the heat so she can have her room up to 115 degrees. The potty smell is more than i can take. I have to take a deep breath before i go in to get it, hold it until I get outside with it, run away from it to breathe, hold my breath again to take the commode liner out of the pot, run away, etc, etc. It is NOT a pretty job. Then when I'm done i have to use my inhaler because i'm gasping and wheezing from holding my breath.
I AM SORRY I SAID THAT STUPID REMARK, please stop commenting on it. I got drunk ok and I said something stupid. I'm having a hard time and just please let go .. please just let it go and don't keep bringing it up. I can't take it any more. Just talk about something else, please. change the subject.
Atcually linda, with all this talk about guys and thier fake pictures, I should admit that it's not really my cat. I found it on the web somewhere and liked it. I guess I should take it off my match.com profile, huh? (just kidding)
Still feeling blue, nasty weather here today and looks like it will be that way all week.
i guess I'm just starting to feel resigned to this situation, I think I was fighting it before but after all these years I'm kind of giving up trying to salvage some kind of life out this. i met a woman at my support group who is on the other side of it all, she lost her mom a few years ago and is just now coming out of the PTSD and everything. She was very helpful and concerned when she noticed how much I fear what I'm gonna be like when this is done. i never expected it to go on this long, and then when I admit that the guilt floods in again....
Seemeride, yes she was a little ocd, but geesh,not hysterical. They tried to have children but couldn't. She is supposed to be on antideppresents for manic depression years ago but wouldn't take them cause they made her tired. But she wsnt like that.
Ted, i'm sure many of us in the same situation feel the same way. I know I feel that my life has been invaded and I haven't felt like myself since my mother came to live here. She is 91. When I was younger I thought she would be gone in her 60's. But no. She is probably going to dance on MY grave-with her three pronged cane and orthopedic dancing slippers. Our "patients" have no idea the toll they are taking on us.
I went to a shrink last year because of acute anxiety over the situation and when I told her I was really obsessively worried about the time when I'll be dealing with my mother's physical death in my house she said "what's to worry? she dies, you call 911, they come and take the body out. later, somebody will call and tell you what she died from". I quit the shrink and bought and grey goose in every flavor. Nobody understand us but us.
ASG - OK, you should seek a pro, in my humble opinion. And I say this only from my own experience. I couldn't have kids either, and I do have very little patience with kids. But what bothers me is that you mention manic depression. You may never have seen her 'down' stage. I have a sister I haven't seen in 22 years now because she is manic depressive and doesn't take meds for it. And something like what your aunt saw today COULD set her off. I see it clearly in my mind.
Christina, Linda, who is the knowledgable one? JAM? Being bi-polar is a different kettle of fish.
Ha! Thanks Dory, Grey Goose therapy, i like it! Truth is I don't drink much anymore cause I noticed how it started to go from a relaxing escape to something darker where I just get angry about everything. There's just too much negative in me now and it seems to come out when I drink. I'll leave for when I'm in a better state of mind.
and your right, it's mind-boggling how no one seems to get it at all except those of us that go through it.
ted- oh plz , dont remove ur cat , i love that boy ! if i met him at the match.com i bet i be petting him ! maybe carry him around . maybe wrestle with him too :-) i know today sure is a blah day , feelin depressed on this side , wheres pirate ? is she hidning in some corners ? i need to go find her ! my brother in law is alot like ted . he is takin care of his mother . driving him crazy , they were here all weekend , i tried to keep her away from him , she kept saing where is he ? is he leavin me here ? what is he doing , , i told her he s down in the hollow getting drunk , is he leavinme to go home alone , ah momno he s dunk i wont let him drive , oh ok she says , damn shes gotta know where he is every secs ! he told me that when he puts his shoes on she runs and grabs her shoes and put hers on , where are u going !!! wait for me ! u re not leavin me !!!! goes chasin him to outside , she wont let him too far if he is a lit bit too far from her she gets so mad and throws hot or cold coffee at him . last summer he needed to mow the grass , she would follow him while he s mowin , he told her its not safe tobe folowin me while im mowing go sit down mom ! shehad a cup of coffee and threw it in his face , poor guy . her alz is realy getting bad , she remebers the past but doesnt remmy yesterday or today , afterthey left here to go home she sat down in living room and whines she never gets to go anywhere . he said mom we just left lindas an hr andhalf ago , she said uh we did and blinks her eyes , sometime he wonders if shes just messing with his mind ? ah i dont know , this whole thing is just flat out sad ! where is bobbie s boat ? wheres the beach at ? im soo ready
peachie ! i meant to say while ago that its good to see u back again and thank u for the valueable messages about the car seats , big hugs to you and plz keep in touch . xoxox
Wow, linda, my mom is just like that! even when I try to hide in my bedroom for a couple of hours she sneaks the door open a little and peeks in at me every half hour or so. Follows me from room to room and sits and stares at me all day long. every now and then I can sneak outside to the yard for a few smokes, but when I come back in she asks where I've been all day and says she was worried.
oh man i have a twin brother in law ! woohooo , yah my bil says he feels like shes smothering him , hell i slept on the couchlastnight so i could keep one eye open , find her sittin in recliner at 3 am staring at me sleeping , talk about creepy
Mom used to always ask the caregivers when I was coming home again and again. She hated it when I went to work. I am very tired and depressed today. I think everything finally caught up with me. Hubby and I are watching movies and just relaxing. Back to work tomorrow but not all day thank God. I got so much to catch up on here at home. Mostly laundry. We found a nice home in a good area and I think we would have made an offer but there was no basement. We have to have a basement for all of hubby's stuff and the closets were really small and so a lot of my stuff would have had to go into the basement. Really it was a one person home. Darn it!! I am so ready to get a house and move out of here. Start our new life. Too much happening and no time to breath. No time to heal.
Well...one thing we don't have is Mama Flo up wandering around...hope it doesn't happen, but ya never know., We have to beg her to get up and do a "walk about" around the house with her "three wheeler!!!" She want to stay in her "comfort zone"...HER room in HER Blue Lift Chair and we just wait on her...she is the QB and that is a fact!!! But, she is a dear...uh, but, on the other hand...she wants someone, preferably Randy to sit in there so she can "look at him"...LOL...can't say that I blame her...but, well, you get it...non-stop, 24/7, yes? My heart is overflowing, though, and really goin out to ALL of you tonight...gotta get off of here...puttin Queen Mother to bed and then Randy and I will have a little time to visit before we collapse, right? Night-night...meow...see ya'll soon!!! Kudos to all of you..."Group Hug"...and I shall lift all of you up in my prayers...you can count on it!!! "Kat" (meoooow!) :-)xo
kt- i find the person creepy when she can walk thru the house in a slow motion and she acts like shes prowling , sometimes she actuly dont walk she actuly floats !!! yes she is creepy to me . she s sundowning . about 6 pm she starts to change and is havin the sundowners . i try not to look at her . if i have to end up carin for her , i be in the black hole in the 4th day , today it wasnt too bad cuz i knew they were going home . miz- glad u found a home wow ! enuff room for one person aww w maybe just for a few yrs till something eles better comes along . need to ck on pa xoxo
I am looking forward to the day Ruth comes home and I can moan and groan about her instead of her stupid daughter.......I go to the Ortho doc tomorrow to see where we go from here. BG came over here this evening, drunk, and my head was hurting by the time she left. Telling me what all "I" was going to do when Ruth gets home, blah, blah, blah. Sil was with her and could tell I was getting so frustrated, but keeping quiet, why bother to talk to a drunk person, and all she could say was I needed to get well, this is costing them a bundle..... WELL, I wouldn't be setting here with a f%%king broke knee if YOU had done a damned thing I asked.. I am getting crazier by the day. I am so used to my independence and not having to count on anyone...IT IS NOT MY FAULT B%%%H!!!!!!!!! Of course I didn't say any of that, because they are by God going to pay the Dr. bills for something that happened while I was taking care of HER mother because she doesn't want anything to do with her, except to tell me what to do....... I went out to smoke hoping they would leave, but NOOOOOO, she had to just keep on until her husband said, Let Linda talk, OMG, " well, then Linda can just take care of everything then, because apparently I am just too stupid" Remember she is drunk. and as she was walking off I said f**k, I don't need this. Sil, tried to make a joke, I said you don't pay me to take care of her, he said , not yet, I said you ain't got a damned thing here that would make me take care of her. Nothing...... I told him I am going in the house, I'm tired, and she makes me even tireder ( is that even a word?)
So I am costing them a bundle, between my dr. bills and keeping Ruth in the nursing home.... but she bought 10 new trees.. people, we live in the friggin woods. Oh hell, what am I doing here?? I want to get in my car and just drive until I run out of gas, sleep in my car. Ruth is a piece of cake compared to BG..... Ok ya'll this is where ya'll tell me you care about me and I will take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, even if one foot is swollen , knee hurts and I hobble.... I just have to do the KARMA, KARMA KARMA chant... love ya;ll and thanks for letting me vent. I was thinking the whole time, leave b%%%h so I can go talk to my friends......deep sigh,,, love and hugs across the miles..
ladeeda - i am so sorry that woman had the nerve to yap all that , i hate talking to the drunk . she hears what she wants to hear , and makin sure u hear it loud and clear . oh boy ! well when dad was in nh , my bro thought since i wasnt carin for dad and i wasnt going to get paid , hell i quit my job to care for dad i need that to pay my bills , dad said he should conintue to pay my bills . anyway cuz i still take care of him at nh . i thought hell if dad dont oay my bills then i would have to go get a job , i will not quit another job cuz i cant take no chances of him going back to nh ? (rehab) . are u getting paid for not carin for ruth at home ?
Aw, Ted. I can relate. My mother can't live unless she's callling my name every 15 minutes. I can't even take a frikkin' NAP! And here's the scary part: my mother doesn't have alzheimer's. She doesn't forget where I am. Apparently she just needs to make contact. She doesn't want to sit in her room alone all the time but she won't come out in the livingroom and watch tv. I know she is lonely but I can't sit in her room with the heater blowing 115 degree air on me! I stand at the door and talk to her with the tv blaring at a decibel the human ear should not have to withstand.
Definitely don't drink if it just makes you dark and angry. I'm sure you can produce enough of that sober, but I really hope you have some diversion to lift your mood.
It sounds like you need a babysitter so you can walk free once in a while. If you don't like the idea of paying somebody maybe you could trade services. I cook and bake and trade that for services. I'm lucky that my husband will (begrudgingly) spell me so I can go be social or even go on trips to visit my nieces in Calif. and my daughter in NOLA. But he is now putting his foot down on trips away. If I want to go anywhere I have to try to arrange my sister to take my mother. This requires much crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth but eventually, possibly out of guilt, she will give in. And count every minute that I'm gone.
People have no idea what goes on inside of our homes or our heads in this situation. That's why this community is so special. I've only been here a short time and it was a big relief to me to find that others feel the same way as I do and go through similar things.
Everybody take a deep breath and appreciate the fact that you are a comfort to someone!
Aw, Ladee. At least sil sounds like he has some sense. You are way too good to be wasted on that BG, but remember that you're not there for her, you're htere for Ruth.
if I could afford it i would send you a plane ticket, introduce you to my mom (Joan, but her mom's name was Ruth) and we would all start having fun again.
Maybe you should have a serious sit-down talk with sil and try to get him to get bg off your back for good.
Dory, Thanks. I will be working on getting some help in here somehow, it's not that I don't WANT to pay someone, I simply can't. being out of work for years has drained my savings and money I was expecting to come in was stolen. it's been a rough time but it's bordering on the impossible now.
Am going to the Ortho doc today, hopefully good news. Just want this part to be overwith so I can have my independence back. I'll let ya'll know something when i get back, Thanks Ted and Linda, I will reply when I have more time... talk to ya:ll in a short while.....
Folks, I'm gonna try to upgrade my OS, and if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that when I try to improve my computer's performance, it dies.
So, if I don't show up for a few days forgive me and don't worry. I'll get back to you all somehow
Ted, just a thought, would you want to work for Elder Services or other senior advocate group? Your experience with your mom and in the local support groups would qualify you, I would think. I also need to get to work again and am trying to figure out a way. Will have to get more help in here and pay them while I'm at a job.
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I got rid of most clothes from the 60 through the 90s, but kept a few things from the 40s. I rotate her summer and winter wardrobe from the armoire in her room--which was my office--and the guest room upstairs, which is still my guest room, but it looks like someone lives there full time. Overflow. Scary.
I doubt your Mom is a horseshoe, but make sure you keep her upright, just in case. You need the good luck. Hugs:)
allshesgot - i dont know what sgoing on but my dad is flippin out bad when he has to go to bathroom , screamin crying help me help me ! i think i should get him back on antidepression meds , crying says he dont feel good , i ask him if he wants to go to hospital ? he says no , i said how about go vist ur doctor he says no . its either uti flarin up or he needs to get back on antidrepression meds . or it is realy a full moon out there but its not . i dont know , i am tired of it , maybe i shall take his antidepressions meds , blahhh .
ssk- this bitch here didnt get to sleep with my bastard last night , this bitch here had to sleep on the couch so i could hear dad flip out freakin out 3 times during the wee hours in the morning . so i woke up begin a bitch ,. i realy do hope u find u a man and maybe i ll call u a bitch then . :-) go wash ur bastards underwear and go fix him supper and make him one happy man . i realy do hope u find ya a man .
I got to go somewhere with hubby for a couple of hours but when i got home my mother, who was perfectly fine, was sitting on the edge of her bed snotting and crying. You would think she was 4 instead of 91.
I don't bother to tell my sister anything about my mother anymore. She doesn't ask, I don't tell. She is my assistant at work so when other people ask about my mother, that's when she finds out that our mother fell, or broke a toe or had the flu, etc. One time when mom had a nasty and disgusting stomach virus I texted my sister "mom must have been sleeping the last then times you called her. she's awake now, why don't you try again." She actually got the hint and called.
We have the same "always cold" problem here. She has a little electric heater in her room because she cries and accuses us of turning off the heat so she can have her room up to 115 degrees. The potty smell is more than i can take. I have to take a deep breath before i go in to get it, hold it until I get outside with it, run away from it to breathe, hold my breath again to take the commode liner out of the pot, run away, etc, etc. It is NOT a pretty job. Then when I'm done i have to use my inhaler because i'm gasping and wheezing from holding my breath.
It's a never ending battle!
ted- where are you , we need to laugh tnite !
miss seeing ur cat ....
Still feeling blue, nasty weather here today and looks like it will be that way all week.
i guess I'm just starting to feel resigned to this situation, I think I was fighting it before but after all these years I'm kind of giving up trying to salvage some kind of life out this. i met a woman at my support group who is on the other side of it all, she lost her mom a few years ago and is just now coming out of the PTSD and everything. She was very helpful and concerned when she noticed how much I fear what I'm gonna be like when this is done. i never expected it to go on this long, and then when I admit that the guilt floods in again....
Sorry Linda, not a lot of humor in me tonight.
I went to a shrink last year because of acute anxiety over the situation and when I told her I was really obsessively worried about the time when I'll be dealing with my mother's physical death in my house she said "what's to worry? she dies, you call 911, they come and take the body out. later, somebody will call and tell you what she died from". I quit the shrink and bought and grey goose in every flavor. Nobody understand us but us.
and vodka.
Christina, Linda, who is the knowledgable one? JAM? Being bi-polar is a different kettle of fish.
and your right, it's mind-boggling how no one seems to get it at all except those of us that go through it.
i know today sure is a blah day , feelin depressed on this side , wheres pirate ? is she hidning in some corners ? i need to go find her !
my brother in law is alot like ted . he is takin care of his mother . driving him crazy , they were here all weekend , i tried to keep her away from him , she kept saing where is he ? is he leavin me here ? what is he doing , , i told her he s down in the hollow getting drunk , is he leavinme to go home alone , ah momno he s dunk i wont let him drive , oh ok she says , damn shes gotta know where he is every secs ! he told me that when he puts his shoes on she runs and grabs her shoes and put hers on , where are u going !!! wait for me ! u re not leavin me !!!! goes chasin him to outside , she wont let him too far if he is a lit bit too far from her she gets so mad and throws hot or cold coffee at him . last summer he needed to mow the grass , she would follow him while he s mowin , he told her its not safe tobe folowin me while im mowing go sit down mom ! shehad a cup of coffee and threw it in his face , poor guy .
her alz is realy getting bad , she remebers the past but doesnt remmy yesterday or today , afterthey left here to go home she sat down in living room and whines she never gets to go anywhere . he said mom we just left lindas an hr andhalf ago , she said uh we did and blinks her eyes , sometime he wonders if shes just messing with his mind ?
ah i dont know , this whole thing is just flat out sad ! where is bobbie s boat ? wheres the beach at ? im soo ready
peachie ! i meant to say while ago that its good to see u back again and thank u for the valueable messages about the car seats , big hugs to you and plz keep in touch . xoxox
yah my bil says he feels like shes smothering him , hell i slept on the couchlastnight so i could keep one eye open , find her sittin in recliner at 3 am staring at me sleeping , talk about creepy
sskape, I love you and it's okay. :)
love,
miz
miz- glad u found a home wow ! enuff room for one person aww w maybe just for a few yrs till something eles better comes along .
need to ck on pa xoxo
Sil was with her and could tell I was getting so frustrated, but keeping quiet, why bother to talk to a drunk person, and all she could say was I needed to get well, this is costing them a bundle..... WELL, I wouldn't be setting here with a f%%king broke knee if YOU had done a damned thing I asked.. I am getting crazier by the day. I am so used to my independence and not having to count on anyone...IT IS NOT MY FAULT B%%%H!!!!!!!!! Of course I didn't say any of that, because they are by God going to pay the Dr. bills for something that happened while I was taking care of HER mother because she doesn't want anything to do with her, except to tell me what to do.......
I went out to smoke hoping they would leave, but NOOOOOO, she had to just keep on until her husband said, Let Linda talk, OMG, " well, then Linda can just take care of everything then, because apparently I am just too stupid"
Remember she is drunk. and as she was walking off I said f**k, I don't need this. Sil, tried to make a joke, I said you don't pay me to take care of her, he said , not yet, I said you ain't got a damned thing here that would make me take care of her. Nothing...... I told him I am going in the house, I'm tired, and she makes me even tireder ( is that even a word?)
So I am costing them a bundle, between my dr. bills and keeping Ruth in the nursing home.... but she bought 10 new trees.. people, we live in the friggin woods.
Oh hell, what am I doing here?? I want to get in my car and just drive until I run out of gas, sleep in my car. Ruth is a piece of cake compared to BG..... Ok ya'll this is where ya'll tell me you care about me and I will take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, even if one foot is swollen , knee hurts and I hobble.... I just have to do the KARMA, KARMA KARMA chant... love ya;ll and thanks for letting me vent. I was thinking the whole time, leave b%%%h so I can go talk to my friends......deep sigh,,, love and hugs across the miles..
t
well when dad was in nh , my bro thought since i wasnt carin for dad and i wasnt going to get paid , hell i quit my job to care for dad i need that to pay my bills , dad said he should conintue to pay my bills . anyway cuz i still take care of him at nh . i thought hell if dad dont oay my bills then i would have to go get a job , i will not quit another job cuz i cant take no chances of him going back to nh ? (rehab) .
are u getting paid for not carin for ruth at home ?
Definitely don't drink if it just makes you dark and angry. I'm sure you can produce enough of that sober, but I really hope you have some diversion to lift your mood.
It sounds like you need a babysitter so you can walk free once in a while. If you don't like the idea of paying somebody maybe you could trade services. I cook and bake and trade that for services. I'm lucky that my husband will (begrudgingly) spell me so I can go be social or even go on trips to visit my nieces in Calif. and my daughter in NOLA. But he is now putting his foot down on trips away. If I want to go anywhere I have to try to arrange my sister to take my mother. This requires much crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth but eventually, possibly out of guilt, she will give in. And count every minute that I'm gone.
People have no idea what goes on inside of our homes or our heads in this situation. That's why this community is so special. I've only been here a short time and it was a big relief to me to find that others feel the same way as I do and go through similar things.
Everybody take a deep breath and appreciate the fact that you are a comfort to someone!
if I could afford it i would send you a plane ticket, introduce you to my mom (Joan, but her mom's name was Ruth) and we would all start having fun again.
Maybe you should have a serious sit-down talk with sil and try to get him to get bg off your back for good.
So, if I don't show up for a few days forgive me and don't worry. I'll get back to you all somehow
Stay strong.