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wow amy ! u sure have ur hands full weither ure with her or not . lordy lord . hope she settles down and dont need to go back to er again . man that s a nightmare getting up wee early am and go tend to her . bless your heart..
thank you all so much for your prayers and support. you guys are awesome.
giles, I'm sorry about all of your grandma tribulations and thank you and everybody for reminding me about the bounce back time that it's going to take for mama. giles, you are funny and I hope your grandma doesn't hurt herself and keep you up all night again but I do hope you have more stories. I can see everybody standing with their hands up and it's getting me silly every time.
Miz! so happy you and your hus had a good time and so happy you guys didn't try and monkey with that tire in the middle of all that traffic. I'm a big believer in AAA too. Love you back!!
SS we;ll see you when you get back and thank you for the especially lovely post with your support. It made me cry.
teristeve, you are a genius. Love the Stress Lecture. how true.
Linda and Tennessee, Thanks for the reminders.
Hey Maxine, what are you up to? Anybody seen Pamela around? Where's that Pirate?
You guys are way better than family... and I know I forgot a few!! please forgive me. Mom is doing better now than she was the past few days. We have to show her how to open her mouth so we can get the food in.
She had stopped eating so I got all Juniors foods and made a protein drink with Benefiber.. the clear stuff that totally dissolves and blueberry smoothie so she would have healing protein and the ability to keep her system going. And Boy, is that working. I didn't tell Sara that I was giving mom fiber and apparently mom really showed her a trick this morning.
All Sara and I have been doing is putting food into mom. , water, Kefir, yogurt, rice pudding, mashed potatoes, you get it. She's forgetting how to chew and sara or I sit there and show her how to open her mouth wide and chew and she's getting a little of it back. she just ate half a banana and she wanted to hold it and when I helped her hand get it to her mouth she was pushing back at me. I said, that's the disease trying to get one over on you, just let me help your hand and she did and we got the banana in her mouth and by reflex, when she bit the banana she began to chew it.
There's a little howling going on because Sara is changing her and when mom gets moved she howls. I can hear Sara talking to her and telling her what's going to happen and mom is getting a little easier with it but still will let out a howl now and again. BRB big howl.
All good, Sara just changing her position. Mom isn't getting hurt, she's just scared to move. Sara is very gentle.
Still haven't written back to my aunt/birthmother (mom's baby sister). Just don't know what to say to the mean stuff except %&**@#!!.
Bob, You really amaze me with your patience and stamina. I don't think I will be able to care for Mom or Dad when they get this far along. Dad's dementia is getting worse fast and the doctor just put him on Zoloft to help with his anger, combativeness, frustration level and his depression. His mood swing s seem to be getting better but he sleeps more often now. He is still falling and passing out. Noone seems to know why. He has been thru every kind of test. ??? Mom's alz is just making her meaner and more agressive. She is having more down days than up. Always unhappy, compaining, critical of everything and everybody. Wish I could see some joy in her once in a while. I know it is the disease and mostly not her (she has always been controlling and critical). I keep doing as much reading and research as I have time for. Reading your contributions helps me see the light!! Thanks
teristeve, Wow, not sure how you guys do it dealing with more than one parent at a time. I thought I had my hands full with just one. We go through alot of the same stuff with grandma. She is usually grumpy and VERY critical of EVERYONE else. But she was always that way before the dementia, it's just that now she doesn't have the common sense to keep it to herself. Gets very frustrating and embarrassing at times. She sit at the dinner table at the place and tells me all the faults of the people at the table with them sitting right there with us. This one can't hold a conversation, this one doesn't know who or where she is, this one spits when she talks, this one smells funny........I feel like reminding her that although any of those may be true......they're NOT DEAF and do have feelings. The sad part is that on any given day, grandma is just as confused or spits just as much as the rest of them but she never mentions that. Sometimes I think that the hardest part about dealing with dementia victims is that they have no clue that they have it. Like trying to help someone that doesn't think they need helped. It's tough. I've found that when she gets in her critical, negative, complaining moods it's easiest for me to just nod and shake my head and say oh, wow, really...in a very uninterested way. I learned the hard way that trying to correct her or tell her it's not nice only makes her worse but if I half-heartedly go along with it, kind of ignoring it while going along with it, she soon sees that it's falling of deaf ears and that I'm not interested in talking about negative things and she simmers down. If she wants to "talk" to me as in "hold a conversation", she will have to choose more positive topics. Sometimes with older folks, it helps to bring up the happier days of the far past with them when they get in one of those funks. Most of them tend to remember "the good old days" even if they don't remember what they did 5 minutes ago. If ignoring it doesn't seem to work this time, I nonchalantly change the subject by asking her something specific about her younger happier days and usually this works. She starts thinking about her carefree youth instead of dwelling on her current condition. Just play around with different tactics to see which one works for them, if any. Somedays nothing you do will change anything but it's worth a try.
Giles, Know what you mean about UTI's. Mom gets them all the time, and boy does she get loopy!!! It usually takes a couple of BAD days before the light goes on and I realize what's going on. By the way, Mom thinks she is pregnant all the time! I have to change her before I go to bed every night, or she is soaked right through. Twice now, I have woken her up and she has told me she just gave birth. It's very real to them, and hard to explain that the last time they had sex, was probably in the last century! My mom has some whopper stories and excuses for why she doesn't or can't do something, just like your gram. It's better to laugh and make fun of their antics, then let them get to you. I'm so glad you got out from under the 24/7. I know Mom will maybe last another year at home, at best. In the meantime, I look forward to the day I can enjoy my old age, the way we are supposed to!
Deefer, I'm glad to hear that grandma's not the only one that's pregnant. lol Her ER doc was very good about it. When she told him, he offered to call Oprah. Said they could all be rich when that story hit. Except that then grandma was so excited that she was gonna meet Oprah! Luckily she forgot all about the Oprah part about half an hour later as we moved on to bigger and better crazies. I find that most of the time, I enjoy my visits with her more now that alot of the 24/7 weight has been lifted but with the UTI visit I also found that apparently you do get desensitized to it by being around it all of the time. I had a much harder time dealing with the hysterics and aggression that night than I would have a month ago. Just not as immune to it as I was when she was here and I dealt with it all of the time. I guess it has its ups and downs. Just think how much you'll appreciate your retirement after all you've been through. You deserve it!
bobbie, your Aunt/birthmother's actions are unforgivable. She should be showering you with love and care. I don't get it. She is missing so much by not being close to you. You are a wonderful person. Just keep being you. I will get to where ever I have to get to to get on the boat. Don't you worry about that. :) It sounds fabulous!!
teristeve, thanks for the support. Like everyone taking care of one parent I am amazed at y'all taking care of TWO. omg. I'm trying to imagine it but oh my.
If Sara wasn't here I would be ska-rooed. She's in there with mom right now singing to her. She patiently puts food in and it's working!. Mom is better today than she was yesterday and her body is working well. I know because she smacked me in the titty when I leaned in too close.
Deef's mom and Amy's Grandma, Whatta pair! Thelma and Louise. I think that they both should be on Oprah.
Hey Miz Demi!! Thanks baby doll. that's kind of what I was thinking, that at this tough time she could give it a break and give me a break. It just shows who she is. When your mom is in bad shape and you think she's checking out and then this lady wants to make it about herself. Unbelievable to me. Oh well just goes to show, You have one mom! and I got to spend some great times with my mom and I've only had my chops busted by the auntie.
Miz! Glad to hear that you're going to get where the boat is! We got us some plans now don't we Sailors! Who else is in?
I asked Sara to stay with me for a month after...... you know, when the time comes and she said yes. I think I'm going to be a basket case and could really do with some help.
Thanks so much for the support you guys. This is indeed the toughest thing I have ever done and you guys really help make it manageable. More later,
Wow, Bobbie! Can't believe how organized you are, thinking about the future. Hope it's the far future, and not near... What's happening with your adoptive mom? And how is your mom doing?
Miz, looking forward to reading more about your trip.
I just got in an hour ago from mine. Went down to my folk's house, to find things astir again. It's always something... The alarm system was disabled, and some other things were askew. Don't know who is doing that, but probably the same people who took all the antiques and silver... my nice family :( and it makes me crazy.
I am preparing for the end, too. God Dad's suit cleaned and put away, just in case. And shoes, and paperwork. I want to be prepared, and not have to rush around with those things when I'm in shock with grief. Hoping that day is far off, but dad is declining. So is my FIL, who eats with his eyes closed. At 90, he can do whatever he wants, but that is bizarre. Is he too old and tired to keep them open anymore? He does sleep a lot. So does my dad. Then there's mom...who was in her usual form last week, with great mental challenges. Looking out the for best interests of 3 elders is quite the chore. I dream of the beach. Someday... For now, I'm just glad to be home.
I have a question for all of you that I need help with. I'm rather torn on it and I'm sure that some of you have already had to deal with these details and others are preparing for it. When Miz mentioned having her dads suit ready for future events, it got me thinking about things that I put in the back of my mind to deal with later. It's later, I guess. So hears the deal. A year or so ago when grandma was making her funeral arrangements and getting all the details hashed out, she went over them with her sister and my husband afterwards to keep them apprised. My husband, because it will be his job to follow through and her sister, I think in case my husband or I tried to change anything. Who knows. Anyways, her sister brought it to my attention a while back that grandma was very specific when she told them that she wanted to be buried in her "favorite green bathrobe". Mind you this thing is about 30 years old, ratty as all sin, and the zipper doesn't work anymore. Believe it or not, she was not suffering from dementia when she made this decision. Go figure. So her sister was a little bewildered and that's why she told me. My husband, being a guy, had no idea what god awful bathrobe she was talking about so he didn't think anything of it. So my dilemma is.......do I grant her wish and bury her in her ratty old bathrobe or is it our job to look out for her interests and make a better decision. I know that some of us will be very embarrassed on the day of her funeral if we choose to go with her wishes. And I know how shallow it sounds to be worried about what she's dressed in after she's already gone but this will be the last time that everyone sees her and some who have not seen her in quite a while. I guess I'm worried that everyone is gonna end up remembering her in her ratty old bathrobe. Don't know what to think about all of this. I see ups and downs to both sides and need some honest input from everyone here. I trust and value all of your opinions because we're all in the same boat.
Wow SS, sounds like you had a busy visit. Glad you made it home safe and sound. It's kind of ironic. We all wish that we had more family to help with our loved ones but in reality, because they're never there to actually help, it's almost easier if we didn't have other family members to deal with. It would be so much less stress. I wouldn't be to concerned about your FIL eating with his eyes closed. I've seen grandma do this on several occasions, especially when she is in the hospital. I asked the nurse about it and she said that sometimes it helps them to block out some of the extrasensory "noise". As they get older, (esp. with Parkinsons) they start to lose the ability to block out surrounding sights and sounds and it overwhelms them. If your FIL has trouble chewing or swallowing, he may just be trying to block everything else out to help him concentrate on the task at hand. Just a thought. Now that you're home, make sure that you take some time for yourself to unwind from your trip. You deserve it!
Amy, Just a thought. How about having her in her bathrobe with something pretty over it for the viewing. If it's her wish to be buried in that bathrobe then I think the family should follow her wishes.
my step mom had on a cute pink bathrobe . along with her pink slippers , they have alot of pretty ones for women . they should be buried how ever clothes they want to wear. u could put the old green batty bathrobe down below where nobody can see it , when its time to close the casket you could pull that up to her chest and there shes buried with it .
Wow, Amy, I can understand your distress about the bathrobe. If she put that in writing, do they have to abide by it? I can't imagine a respectable funeral home doing that. And you think she was in her right mind when she made that decision? What was she thinking? Comfort at home is one thing, but I agree with you about the "last image" thing. And I would think that after she's gone, whoever is in charge gets the final say. Good heavens! What strange ideas people get sometimes.
I had a hard time sleeping after two days away. What's happening in my family situation, and my parent's abandoned house 200 miles away is making me sick. I can't control it, but it affects me, and I grieve. Worse is the way they ignore my poor dad. I'm so thankful God gave me the opportunity to have him close by in his final days. It hurts to see him decline, but I am grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time with him, and reassure him he's not alone, and that my hubby, son and I care about him. I hate Alzheimer's! I don't like my mom's mental illness either. Nasty stuff!
Guess I'm so tired, I can't remember: did I post about my dad's brother, SIL and neice coming from CO to MI to see dad? And his sister from 235 miles away? It was a good, but very short visit last week. Dad smiled to see them, but it's so apparent to all of his decline :(
Bobbie, how are things going with you and your mom? How is the estate liquidation/sale going? Do you get homesick for CA while on the East Coast?
Miz, nice to see pictures posted of you and hubby on your trip. Hope it holds wonderful memories for you.
Pamela, sorry to hear about your mom. How are things going? You doing OK?
To everyone, including those I didn't personally address: God bless you and your loved ones.
lhardebeck posted before mine, but I like her idea. Hate the bathrobe one, though. How...strange. Bury me with my computer. (JK) On second thought, let my kid have it, so he can complain about all my idiosyncrasies. LOL
I'm dragging today, after traveling. Saw some friends, so that part was good. Saw mom and dad's house being dismantled by ??? and that is difficult. Now I need to go see my dad. It's getting less pleasant with every visit. We used to play cards, go for walks, laugh. Now he just sits and stares... But he still smiles. I go because no one else does, and because he's dad. It's all that's left :(
I have wild imaginations about springing him from that place, and taking him "home." But he's wearing Depends, and often refuses care. The thought of a mess while driving down the highway bursts my bubble. And since he's not always compliant, I can't really take him anywhere. So, I just visit. Sometimes I have to make myself go in that nursing home. It can be so depressing sometimes, seeing all those poor people, and watching my FIL with egg pr the last meal on his chin. Gross!
Hubby hasn't been to visit his dad in a while, due to illness. He had the chills last Friday. He wouldn't even eat a cookie I made for an open house. Now that's sick! He's still sick and coughing today, and made a doctor appointment for himself. It's official if he goes to the doctor. Poor hubby. His dad doesn't even ask about him when I visit. At 90, I think he's declining to the point of...well, not remembering to ask why he hasn't visited in a while. I won't offer an excuse unless he asks. Thanks for praying for my hubby. I hope my son and I don't get what he has.
I say bury her the way she wants! Too many people ignore the last wishes of their loved ones in order to make themselves feel good. Very few of us get what we really want in life, we should at least be able to get it upon our death! I personally prefer to remember my loved ones as I saw them in life, warts and all. Making them pretty for their final sendoff doesn't change who they were to us when they were alive. Mom does not want people gawking at her after she goes. The one thing us 7 siblings agree on is letting her have her last wishes.
Thank you guys so much for all the input. It means alot. And any other thoughts or opinions, please continue to share them.
Ok. For now, here's what I'm thinking of doing. I need to get the darned thing out of her closet and take a gander at it. I know the zipper needed to be fixed so there's a start. I think I'll make a trip to Michael's or The Hobby Lobby and see what's available to maybe dress it up a bit. I don't know. I don't think I'd be able to put other clothes over top of it and still have it look decent. The robe is floor-length and huge. She's lost so much weight over the last year that she will be swimming in it as it is. Maybe I could take it in some and shorten it up a bit. I notice that she's apparently gotten much shorter too because things that used to come to her ankles now drag on the floor behind her and wrap around her feet. But as is, clothes over top of it would look like she were smuggling blankets or shoplifting. This will apparently be my next project to figure out/work on in all of my imaginary free time. If you think of any more suggestions or ideas, please let me know. Thanks guys!
I would have her wear the bathrobe if that is what she wants-my MIL wanted to be buried in a certain dress -only thing she was 100 lbs. heavier but the person getting her ready were able to get it on by cutting seams and she looked alright-my husband wanted to be creamated and I will be also I prefer memorial services rather than funerals.
195Austin, I'm with you there. My husband and I both want to be cremated. Just my personal opinion but the whole funeral, casket, service, viewings, seem like such a waste of time and money. Too much "show" if ya know what I mean. My hubby and I both joke that we wish it were legal to just bury people in the back yard. Just pitch me in a pine box and dump me in a hole. I'm already gone, what do I care. We have arrangements to be cremated and then just have a small memorial for family and friends to get together and celebrate our passing as they see fit. Keeping it simple. But everyone is different. To each their own. :)
Hey Bobbie, maybe I'll have all of you guys spread my ashes at sea from the boat! Remember to use the back of the boat, though. Use the front and those headwinds might have me layin' all over the deck! What a damper on the rest of the cruise. lol
Amy, hope you get to ride on the boat first! How funny are you. I like your "keep it simple" idea. Waste doesn't make sense, but is "traditional." Why? I like the cremation idea, but will leave the decision to my son, who has to live with it. Ashes don't bother me; I was made from mud, anyway. Once I'm outta here, I have a mansion just a waiting for me. That is a very blessed thought!
Aims! Here's one: put her in her favorite 'nice' outfit and fold the robe, least ratty side out and put it over her arm. Now she's ready so when she gets there and is all checked in she can put her robe on and relax. That's how I would like to travel....
Man, everybody has their hands full!
SS, I grieve with you for your Dad and the heavy responsiblility that you carry. It's hard to imagine even handling that kind of stuff but you do and you do it with grace and dignity. You're right, looking after the best interests of 3 elders with a slew of nasty challenges could make you crazy. Just remember, there is a tropical beach in your future and we will all meet up and laugh and cry together. There will be way more laughing than crying!
Everything is moving along on the business front. I lost my mind with some people on Friday because they are obtuse and my mom is real sick and I just didn't want to hear it. I'll tell you those stories on the boat. It's tragic, really.
Just saw my dad. He was sitting with a man, who is training as a CNA. Wow, grown men flooding the Nursing Homes. Wierd! A sign of the times, as other things are falling apart. He had his own business supplying the auto industry, but not anymore. Now, a CNA? WOW! An EMT going for his RN, next. Also talked to some nurses about the gas leases that are leaving everyone in an uproar, and for good reason. But I probably shouldn't post much about that here. Let's just say, hmmmmm, not good.
Anyway, the visit with dad was good. He was mellow. That's the best way to describe him lately. He can't express himself much at all. I convinced him to go for a walk with me, but he tired. I got a wheelchair for him so I could take him outside into the beautiful warm sunshine, for some fresh air. I wheeled him around the courtyard, and we looked at a fountain and some flowers. Then I wheeled him up onto an accessible swing, that accommodates wheelchairs. A year ago, he would have walked all over with me. The decline becomes more evident everyday. He didn't want to stay out very long. He hasn't like being in the out of doors for some time now. His world has changed, and definitely shrunk. I think he's happiest in his tiny comfort zone, where everything he can see is familiar. Changes bother him greatly.
Then I walked about outside with my FIL. It is such a gorgeous day! So, I did my good daughter deeds for today. I haven't been sleeping real well for some time, and think I hear my pillow calling.
Hi Miz and Bobbie. I was writing as you were posting, so missed the boat on that one. LOL Bobbie, you are so encouraging. Thank you! So many of you are! I really do draw my strength from God, and the many kind people he sends my way.
Believe me, boat time, beach time, whatever, sounds like a great goal. Right now, I am weighed by thoughts and responsibilities, and long for the freedoms I once took for granted. Guess I could just run away, but my conscience won't allow it. None of us like it, but choose to serve. That's character, and I am blessed to know so many of you who possess that wonderful quality. To my unsung fellow hero caregivers, I say, bravo!
A distant cousin, whom I haven't actually met yet, is another angel God blessed me with. She followed my posts for over a year on another Care site. I told her I'm writing a book about my dad, called: A Daughter's Reflections. She encouraged me, saying she loves my writing. I hope to keep others updated on their brother/uncle, etc., and glad it ministers to them in some small way. I am writing the book for me, as a reminded of dad's journey, containing pictures, and my observations, along the way. I say often, and will recognize those of you who have been of such great help through the valleys. Thank you, all!
SS, you're such a dear. It sounds like your dad is as happy as he can be right now and you are doing a whole lot to make him that way. I feel so bad for you watching the decline. I haven't gotten that far with my mom yet but it's tough enough watching the decline that I have seen. I'm so glad you have your faith. Please get some rest. We're here for you!!
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miz
lordy lord . hope she settles down and dont need to go back to er again . man that s a nightmare getting up wee early am and go tend to her .
bless your heart..
wow it is great to see everybody here!
thank you all so much for your prayers and support. you guys are awesome.
giles, I'm sorry about all of your grandma tribulations and thank you and everybody for reminding me about the bounce back time that it's going to take for mama.
giles, you are funny and I hope your grandma doesn't hurt herself and keep you up all night again but I do hope you have more stories.
I can see everybody standing with their hands up and it's getting me silly every time.
Miz! so happy you and your hus had a good time and so happy you guys didn't try and monkey with that tire in the middle of all that traffic. I'm a big believer in AAA too. Love you back!!
SS we;ll see you when you get back and thank you for the especially lovely post with your support. It made me cry.
teristeve, you are a genius. Love the Stress Lecture. how true.
Linda and Tennessee, Thanks for the reminders.
Hey Maxine, what are you up to? Anybody seen Pamela around? Where's that Pirate?
You guys are way better than family... and I know I forgot a few!! please forgive me.
Mom is doing better now than she was the past few days. We have to show her how to open her mouth so we can get the food in.
She had stopped eating so I got all Juniors foods and made a protein drink with Benefiber.. the clear stuff that totally dissolves and blueberry smoothie so she would have healing protein and the ability to keep her system going. And Boy, is that working. I didn't tell Sara that I was giving mom fiber and apparently mom really showed her a trick this morning.
All Sara and I have been doing is putting food into mom. , water, Kefir, yogurt, rice pudding, mashed potatoes, you get it. She's forgetting how to chew and sara or I sit there and show her how to open her mouth wide and chew and she's getting a little of it back. she just ate half a banana and she wanted to hold it and when I helped her hand get it to her mouth she was pushing back at me. I said, that's the disease trying to get one over on you, just let me help your hand and she did and we got the banana in her mouth and by reflex, when she bit the banana she began to chew it.
There's a little howling going on because Sara is changing her and when mom gets moved she howls. I can hear Sara talking to her and telling her what's going to happen and mom is getting a little easier with it but still will let out a howl now and again. BRB big howl.
All good, Sara just changing her position. Mom isn't getting hurt, she's just scared to move. Sara is very gentle.
Still haven't written back to my aunt/birthmother (mom's baby sister). Just don't know what to say to the mean stuff except %&**@#!!.
I think I just ordered a pizza in Swahili.
lovbob
Mom's alz is just making her meaner and more agressive. She is having more down days than up. Always unhappy, compaining, critical of everything and everybody. Wish I could see some joy in her once in a while. I know it is the disease and mostly not her (she has always been controlling and critical). I keep doing as much reading and research as I have time for. Reading your contributions helps me see the light!! Thanks
My mom has some whopper stories and excuses for why she doesn't or can't do something, just like your gram. It's better to laugh and make fun of their antics, then let them get to you. I'm so glad you got out from under the 24/7. I know Mom will maybe last another year at home, at best. In the meantime, I look forward to the day I can enjoy my old age, the way we are supposed to!
teristeve, thanks for the support. Like everyone taking care of one parent I am amazed at y'all taking care of TWO. omg. I'm trying to imagine it but oh my.
If Sara wasn't here I would be ska-rooed. She's in there with mom right now singing to her. She patiently puts food in and it's working!. Mom is better today than she was yesterday and her body is working well. I know because she smacked me in the titty when I leaned in too close.
Deef's mom and Amy's Grandma, Whatta pair! Thelma and Louise. I think that they both should be on Oprah.
Hey Miz Demi!!
Thanks baby doll. that's kind of what I was thinking, that at this tough time she could give it a break and give me a break. It just shows who she is. When your mom is in bad shape and you think she's checking out and then this lady wants to make it about herself. Unbelievable to me.
Oh well just goes to show, You have one mom! and I got to spend some great times with my mom and I've only had my chops busted by the auntie.
Miz! Glad to hear that you're going to get where the boat is! We got us some plans now don't we Sailors! Who else is in?
I asked Sara to stay with me for a month after...... you know, when the time comes and she said yes. I think I'm going to be a basket case and could really do with some help.
Thanks so much for the support you guys. This is indeed the toughest thing I have ever done and you guys really help make it manageable.
More later,
lovbob
Miz, looking forward to reading more about your trip.
I just got in an hour ago from mine. Went down to my folk's house, to find things astir again. It's always something... The alarm system was disabled, and some other things were askew. Don't know who is doing that, but probably the same people who took all the antiques and silver... my nice family :( and it makes me crazy.
I am preparing for the end, too. God Dad's suit cleaned and put away, just in case. And shoes, and paperwork. I want to be prepared, and not have to rush around with those things when I'm in shock with grief. Hoping that day is far off, but dad is declining. So is my FIL, who eats with his eyes closed. At 90, he can do whatever he wants, but that is bizarre. Is he too old and tired to keep them open anymore? He does sleep a lot. So does my dad. Then there's mom...who was in her usual form last week, with great mental challenges. Looking out the for best interests of 3 elders is quite the chore. I dream of the beach. Someday... For now, I'm just glad to be home.
Amy
Amy
Shouldn't we all be superheroes by now?! LOL
u could put the old green batty bathrobe down below where nobody can see it , when its time to close the casket you could pull that up to her chest and there shes buried with it .
I had a hard time sleeping after two days away. What's happening in my family situation, and my parent's abandoned house 200 miles away is making me sick. I can't control it, but it affects me, and I grieve. Worse is the way they ignore my poor dad. I'm so thankful God gave me the opportunity to have him close by in his final days. It hurts to see him decline, but I am grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time with him, and reassure him he's not alone, and that my hubby, son and I care about him. I hate Alzheimer's! I don't like my mom's mental illness either. Nasty stuff!
Guess I'm so tired, I can't remember: did I post about my dad's brother, SIL and neice coming from CO to MI to see dad? And his sister from 235 miles away? It was a good, but very short visit last week. Dad smiled to see them, but it's so apparent to all of his decline :(
Bobbie, how are things going with you and your mom? How is the estate liquidation/sale going? Do you get homesick for CA while on the East Coast?
Miz, nice to see pictures posted of you and hubby on your trip. Hope it holds wonderful memories for you.
Pamela, sorry to hear about your mom. How are things going? You doing OK?
To everyone, including those I didn't personally address: God bless you and your loved ones.
I have wild imaginations about springing him from that place, and taking him "home." But he's wearing Depends, and often refuses care. The thought of a mess while driving down the highway bursts my bubble. And since he's not always compliant, I can't really take him anywhere. So, I just visit. Sometimes I have to make myself go in that nursing home. It can be so depressing sometimes, seeing all those poor people, and watching my FIL with egg pr the last meal on his chin. Gross!
Hubby hasn't been to visit his dad in a while, due to illness. He had the chills last Friday. He wouldn't even eat a cookie I made for an open house. Now that's sick! He's still sick and coughing today, and made a doctor appointment for himself. It's official if he goes to the doctor. Poor hubby. His dad doesn't even ask about him when I visit. At 90, I think he's declining to the point of...well, not remembering to ask why he hasn't visited in a while. I won't offer an excuse unless he asks. Thanks for praying for my hubby. I hope my son and I don't get what he has.
Mom does not want people gawking at her after she goes. The one thing us 7 siblings agree on is letting her have her last wishes.
Ok. For now, here's what I'm thinking of doing. I need to get the darned thing out of her closet and take a gander at it. I know the zipper needed to be fixed so there's a start. I think I'll make a trip to Michael's or The Hobby Lobby and see what's available to maybe dress it up a bit. I don't know. I don't think I'd be able to put other clothes over top of it and still have it look decent. The robe is floor-length and huge. She's lost so much weight over the last year that she will be swimming in it as it is. Maybe I could take it in some and shorten it up a bit. I notice that she's apparently gotten much shorter too because things that used to come to her ankles now drag on the floor behind her and wrap around her feet. But as is, clothes over top of it would look like she were smuggling blankets or shoplifting. This will apparently be my next project to figure out/work on in all of my imaginary free time. If you think of any more suggestions or ideas, please let me know. Thanks guys!
Amy
Hey Bobbie, maybe I'll have all of you guys spread my ashes at sea from the boat! Remember to use the back of the boat, though. Use the front and those headwinds might have me layin' all over the deck! What a damper on the rest of the cruise. lol
Aims! Here's one: put her in her favorite 'nice' outfit and fold the robe, least ratty side out and put it over her arm. Now she's ready so when she gets there and is all checked in she can put her robe on and relax.
That's how I would like to travel....
Man, everybody has their hands full!
SS, I grieve with you for your Dad and the heavy responsiblility that you carry. It's hard to imagine even handling that kind of stuff but you do and you do it with grace and dignity.
You're right, looking after the best interests of 3 elders with a slew of nasty challenges could make you crazy. Just remember, there is a tropical beach in your future and we will all meet up and laugh and cry together. There will be way more laughing than crying!
Everything is moving along on the business front. I lost my mind with some people on Friday because they are obtuse and my mom is real sick and I just didn't want to hear it. I'll tell you those stories on the boat. It's tragic, really.
Gotta go for now, more later
Love you guys!
lovbob
Anyway, the visit with dad was good. He was mellow. That's the best way to describe him lately. He can't express himself much at all. I convinced him to go for a walk with me, but he tired. I got a wheelchair for him so I could take him outside into the beautiful warm sunshine, for some fresh air. I wheeled him around the courtyard, and we looked at a fountain and some flowers. Then I wheeled him up onto an accessible swing, that accommodates wheelchairs. A year ago, he would have walked all over with me. The decline becomes more evident everyday. He didn't want to stay out very long. He hasn't like being in the out of doors for some time now. His world has changed, and definitely shrunk. I think he's happiest in his tiny comfort zone, where everything he can see is familiar. Changes bother him greatly.
Then I walked about outside with my FIL. It is such a gorgeous day! So, I did my good daughter deeds for today. I haven't been sleeping real well for some time, and think I hear my pillow calling.
Believe me, boat time, beach time, whatever, sounds like a great goal. Right now, I am weighed by thoughts and responsibilities, and long for the freedoms I once took for granted. Guess I could just run away, but my conscience won't allow it. None of us like it, but choose to serve. That's character, and I am blessed to know so many of you who possess that wonderful quality. To my unsung fellow hero caregivers, I say, bravo!
A distant cousin, whom I haven't actually met yet, is another angel God blessed me with. She followed my posts for over a year on another Care site. I told her I'm writing a book about my dad, called: A Daughter's Reflections. She encouraged me, saying she loves my writing. I hope to keep others updated on their brother/uncle, etc., and glad it ministers to them in some small way. I am writing the book for me, as a reminded of dad's journey, containing pictures, and my observations, along the way. I say often, and will recognize those of you who have been of such great help through the valleys. Thank you, all!
love,
miz