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glad to hear sara s back again . when is ur hubby s suppose to be there with you ? he hasnt arrived yet ? hope he gets there asap . went to visit my neighbor , he said he admired me for keeping pa home he said if he could start al over again his mother would not be in a nursing home . she died last month and she was only 65 yrs old . had a stroke they left her layin in bed for 2 days ! he didnt know it till he came to visit her and notice she wasnt up and helping cna doing thier work . his mother was one hyperactive lady . he ask about it and one ofthe cna said yeah she just laid there for 2 days , he blew up and called ambulus to take her to hospital where she later died . she had stroked out . he said im doing the right thing to keep pa home with me . took dad out for joy ride . i think it was a bit too much fo rhim . went to visit his son ( my bro ) which is almost 2 hrs drive , he realy enjoyed it but when we got home i ask him if he had a good visit he said visted who ? it floored me , he didnt remeber seeing his son ! i hope he be all ok tmr am , i had to put him to bed cuz he sure was leanin on the left side too much . so hopefuly he ll be better tmr . i dont think im going to do that again takin him out too long of a joy ride , its just too much . bobbie i feel ur pain , ure griefing so much but plz remmy that ur mom is in a better place and she is alot happier and with ur daddy again . wipe that tears off and pick up ur feet and keep a going . u have a new cycle of life now , u have a lit girl now . be the best mommy with her as ur mom would have liked it . it took me a year to dry up my tears when i lost my mom . i know ur pain dear . its rough. but then again i think it would tear me up more if i lost my dad . dad and i are real close . i sure aint lookin fwrd to that . oh lord plz give us comferts . amen . us sailors be with you all the way . xoxo
SS, I know what you mean about the beach! My husband is on vacation the 5th - 13th of June and we are planning to go to the beach for 2 nights. The rates are still low and we can get an ocean front room cheap. I told all 6 of my siblings weeks ago, that they would have to help out. We have only been away for 1 night in 2 years, and I am really looking forward to the time off. Merry, the CNA and friend who has helped me with Mom for almost a year now, is able to work more hours now, thanks to Mom's long term care insurance. She will cover most of the days, get her up and off to daycare, pick her up, and get her to bed. My youngest sister will stay overnight the 3 days we are gone, and my brothers will watch her on the 2 weekends so I'm not tied down during vacation. I have been the one to get her up and dressed for the day, every day since last fall, with the exception of one day when I was too sick to get out of bed. I told everyone that this is my vacation and I want to sleep in for the whole week. I deserve it and don't care if it inconveniences them. We live in central Mass. so a few days on the New Hampshire , Maine coast will be nice. We might even do a day trip to Rockport. I saw a show on the area you were talking about, and would very much like to visit that island someday! It looks beautiful, and how about that old hotel! So glad you were able to get away and feel some peace for a while. Can't wait for next week!
Bobbie, just do what works for you. Everyone grieves differently. Take your time, sweetie, and do what makes sense to you. We stand behind you in honoring your mom's memory.
Deefer, the Island is another day's adventure. Did you see Somewhere in Time? That's a high-end tourist trap to be sure. Interesting History, though.
So far, so good. We'll be gone today for church soon, and will visit the dad's later. Hoping to avoid family drama one more day.
deefer you go girl. I know what you mean not having a vacation, it has been 5 yrs for me. Not even one day away. We were suppose to have a family meeting today and nobody called or showed up. I have some great sibliing ha ha....
HEY, I could write a book! My husband has rubbed his own feces all over my kitchen cupboards, has frequently pooped in the shower, and often poops his bed. His newest habit is keeping his right hand on his crotch constantly and more often than not both hands which inhibits his eating (he's right handed), walking (he falls because he loses his balance), changing diapers, dressing him, absolutely all activities. He will not use a toilet and FIGHTS changing his diapers so the stench of his urine soaked diapers often means I cannot eat. And he always gets more food on him than in him!! Good thing I can still laugh.
I am so sorry what all of you are going through this is the first holiday in so many years I have not cried the whole time because I have my son and grand-daughter in the house went to church and our church group are so special our pastor's baby was baptised today and we had lunch after and was going to do work outside even though we are not suppose to do work on Sun and decided tomarrow will be fine to do it so just relaxed after it is getting close to a year since he died but I usually spent holidays home he did not enjoy my visits any way-I feel for all of you who are still working so hard to make those you care for happy and cared for and I bless you all-I usually go to the post offices and thank the vets and ask where they served but did not this year my father was in ww2 and would never talk about the war.
Crystal, Mom went through 3 sets of clothes today. The first time she Sh!! her pants, she put her hands in it and had it under her fingernails and on her clothes. The second time, just a mess in her pants. The third time, she got supper on her clothes. The water bill has been running close to 4300 every time! It's from all the laundry and food stains.I need to take an old towel and make her a BIG bib like the ones they use in nursing homes. Never a dull moment!
gross but man, you have to laugh at some of it. luckily i haven't had any of my personal items- other than clothes- tarnished. My grandmother smokes though, and ashes in her plate when she is finished eating. Totally grosses me out.
You Caregivers are warriors, and also heroes! So, happy Memorial Day to you, too. What a job! And to those of you who served our country, or had loved ones who did, thank you!
i know this is back to the stone ages- but to cut down on water bill costs due to incontinence- we wash all the clothes in a washtub basin with a ringer and board. Financially, we couldn't spend over 150 a month just in water! Crazy, but I honestly find washing the clothes by hand an escape and relaxing. gross when there is bm involved but still do-able.
Fortunately we have a well and don't have to pay for our water but it is a real strain on the washer. I hang clothes out instead of using the dryer. I have finally reached a point with diapers and underpads where I am not washing all the bedding every single day. Thank heaven!! I feel so guilty complaining about my plight because it could be so much worse......imagine having a child that will in all likelihood outlive you with issues like these!! My biggest challenge is the guilt that I have about the complaining, the guilt I have when I tune him out, the guilt I have when I don't try to interact with him (it is useless) and the guilt when I finally get things done for the day, I fall into my bed and stay awake as long as I humanly can because it is quiet and it is my time. At the end of this I will know that I have kept him home where he gets personal, caring attention and that he has lived comfortably throughout this terrible disease.
You have no reason to feel quilty or what I mean you should not feel quilty-write down what you do in a 24 hr period and you will be surprised and will be tired just reading we all do more than is humunily possible and then get upset with not doing more. He is so lucky that you are taking care of him.
Hi Bobbie, I know this must be such a hard time for you, grieving the loss of your dear mother. Please don't expect too much of yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you do, whatever that may be. The death of our parent is FAR more powerful than I ever expected. When my mother died, I sobbed so deeply I could not believe it and could feel enormous pain in my heart. I am so so sorry for your loss. Know that you were good to your mother and she is now at peace, waiting for you to re-unite with her again some day. Take care....
It took me years (hes had it for 9 now) to get over the resentment of this disease and what happened to him. He was smart, funny, immaculate, busy, jack of all trades, the BOSS of the house and suddenly (overnight literally) he turned into the exact opposite. I resented him so much because I knew if the situation were reversed he would not do for me what I did, and do, for him. He just wasn't wired that way. But then after prayer it dawned on me that God put me here for him. That is my job now and I am thankful that he has me. Guilt is the biggest problem I have now and the sudden burst of anger I get once in a while. I also worry because of my inability to work and what will I do in the future??? I have no health insurance so I pray every day that I remain healthy.
hi bobbie , thinking about you when i woke up and still am . glad to see u got on to say hello . lastnight i took pa to bathroom and get his jammies on and cleaned up , took out his teeth to get em soaked for the night . then tucked him to bed and ask him if he s comertable . he said yes and looked at me with his shiney blue eyes , said linda i want to thank u for helping me out and takin real good care of me , i said oh pa i enjoy takin care of you , if ure not here i worry about u so i keeep u here so i dont have to worry . he said yes and thank you for keeping me here , gave him a hug and a kiss and turned on his fav pasty cline music and told him we ll get up in morning and have a good ole bfast . and boy did we have a good ole bfast . :-) . then i thought wow he realy apprecatied me and it felt good . i amjust happy to know that i can and able to keep pa home . at first it was horrible but as later he decline downhill it got easier and sad too . you people complain about the water bill just tickles me to death . ihave well water so i often wonder if my well will dry up cuz of all time washin his wet clothes . but then thats ok . there is laundry mat . :-) bobbie , did ur husband make it to u safety ?. i hope so . keep in touch. my love to u and sara xoxoxo .
Bobbie, so glad you're still checking in. I have been thinking of you a lot. It's a process, and however you get through it is OK. Please be gentle with yourself, and I pray the Holy Spirit will comfort you. Love and hugs, SS
lhardebeck, that is so sweet that your dad acknowledged your sacrifice and thanked you. What a blessing!
Just went to a Memorial Day service in our little town. It was amazing that they led an open prayer, and lifted up the name of the Lord Jesus Christ in public, and thanked God, our eternal father for all our blessings. It made me cry. We thank the Veterans, and those who sacrificed for our freedom! Freedom isn't free, and someone had to pay the price. We should never take that for granted.
Bobbie I am so glad to hear from you be kind to yourself God said he has many mansions for us someday and I believe one is for caregivers after all his son did so much for the sick I love you dear friend,
SecretSister, How refreshing to hear some places still have prayers in public (unlike where I live they sue over prayers at the football games), and praise and tributes to our fallen veterans. God bless your little town!
Mike and Crystal, it's okay to get MAD and frustrated and have other kinds of feelings. We all have to let off steam or we wouldn't survive what we are doing. Sometimes I feel guilty about things I say to Mom when I can't take it anymore, then I remember she forgets things right after they happen, and I move on. It's hard not to feel guilty, but just remember, if it weren't for us, who knows where they would be! Crystal, I don't know how you have been able to stick it out for 9 years. It's been 4 for me, with the last 2 being 24/7. Now that Mom's long term care insurance benefits have started, I can have the aide here 30 hours a week and not have to worry about how I am going to pay her. I'm starting to feel some relief from the pressure. Now I can start cleaning Mom's apartment, curtains, windows, rugs,etc. She needs help with everything, so it's nearly impossible to do a good cleaning. Then I need to get my house in order, before my husband moves out! It's amazing how things start to pile up when your energy is sapped by care giving. Hang in there everyone! Bobbie, do whatever it takes to get you through this tough time. Your Mom is in a better place, and now it's your turn to live.Take care of yourself!
Wow, I'm having a hard time tonight. Hubby and I got out and went out to lunch and to a movie and to Wal-Mart to buy some flowers and other stuff. It seems like when I get away I feel worse after. Back to reality I guess. I know I need to cherish these days but it's so hard. Guess I'll go to bed soon. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Lord grant me patience.
Yes, it's nice to go to bed but not sure if inwill get sleep as my dad wakes me up all times of the night. Wish he would come back as he dies not even know what day it is or were h is at he can. It Finnish a sntancand makes no sence most the time. I feel I have to get it out all the time. Thanks for being there.
Yes I try to let my dad shave with an electric razor I walked out for a min when I went back in the bathroom he was shaving his arms!! I can leave him alone even a min.
maybe the next time he;ll stick that electri razor in water ! do not leave him alone with it . always stand by him . ure his guide and helper . always stand by him , unless he s sittin watchin tv or going to bed . i got my dad a battery operate shaver and let him go at it but i always watch him with it anyway . time of get rid of that electrity one .
I sure understand when you say you feel worse after getting away. After feeling a few hours of freedom it is hard to go back to your "prison". I often feel guilty for feeling this way, but I do miss my freedom terribly.
This morning has been rough for me. Mom is being ornery and difficult. She started banging on her bed instead of calling me to wake me up. Once I got there she said she was feeling bad, so I checked to see how her blood sugar was. It was a little high but I started to get her breakfast to take her morning meds. Because I couldn't wiggle my nose like Bewitched she got mad that it wasn't there instantly. Once I got it to her she was trying to eat lying down which isn't good. We ended up arguing because I was tring to get her to sit up in bed. She understood it to mean get up out of bed. She managed to get herself sitting on the edge of the bed and then she couldn't decide what she was doing from there. Eventually she decided to get to the table and eat her breakfast and take her meds. To top of the morning, I am stuck at home because the woman from the agency can't come in today. Luckily my boss was pretty understanding about it.
I guess we will all have our challenges ahead of us today. I'll be thinking of y'all while I am ready to pull my own hair out. Take care of yourselves.
Mike, I know what you mean! Mom has to be watched constantly. Even when she is tied to her wheelchair or rocker, she manages to get into trouble! It's hard to get anything done, or even find the energy to do something. I find that if I have a few hours to myself, I pi!! them away doing nothing. I guess it's good to just go DUH!! for a while, but nothing gets done. Miz and Dtflex, It sure does suck to come back once you get away! Yes it's awful to feel that way, but we're entitled to our feelings whatever they may be. Mom is off today, so I asked the daycare to dip her urine. She just got done with antibiotics for a UTI, but I think It's back. She can barely walk, and couldn't take directions at all this morning. I wish she didn't get UTIs every other month. They really do a number on her. Does anyone else have this problem?
Diane, I know exactly how you feel. Myu husband and I got a reprieve this past weekend and we were gone for 2 days and 2 nights. However, we were taking care of 2 of our grandchildren which I would much rather do. we had a wonderful time with them ( I am still watching them until Sat),. i know I wll be totally exhausted by then. But tomorrow is another day!! Freedom is so taken for granted! I was guilty of that because I had no idea what it meant not to be able to even go outside "alone"!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just cannot see a glimpse of it yet! Hang in there!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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went to visit my neighbor , he said he admired me for keeping pa home he said if he could start al over again his mother would not be in a nursing home . she died last month and she was only 65 yrs old . had a stroke they left her layin in bed for 2 days ! he didnt know it till he came to visit her and notice she wasnt up and helping cna doing thier work . his mother was one hyperactive lady . he ask about it and one ofthe cna said yeah she just laid there for 2 days , he blew up and called ambulus to take her to hospital where she later died . she had stroked out .
he said im doing the right thing to keep pa home with me .
took dad out for joy ride . i think it was a bit too much fo rhim . went to visit his son ( my bro ) which is almost 2 hrs drive , he realy enjoyed it but when we got home i ask him if he had a good visit he said visted who ? it floored me , he didnt remeber seeing his son !
i hope he be all ok tmr am , i had to put him to bed cuz he sure was leanin on the left side too much . so hopefuly he ll be better tmr . i dont think im going to do that again takin him out too long of a joy ride , its just too much .
bobbie i feel ur pain , ure griefing so much but plz remmy that ur mom is in a better place and she is alot happier and with ur daddy again . wipe that tears off and pick up ur feet and keep a going . u have a new cycle of life now , u have a lit girl now . be the best mommy with her as ur mom would have liked it . it took me a year to dry up my tears when i lost my mom . i know ur pain dear . its rough. but then again i think it would tear me up more if i lost my dad . dad and i are real close . i sure aint lookin fwrd to that .
oh lord plz give us comferts . amen . us sailors be with you all the way . xoxo
I have been the one to get her up and dressed for the day, every day since last fall, with the exception of one day when I was too sick to get out of bed. I told everyone that this is my vacation and I want to sleep in for the whole week. I deserve it and don't care if it inconveniences them.
We live in central Mass. so a few days on the New Hampshire , Maine coast will be nice. We might even do a day trip to Rockport.
I saw a show on the area you were talking about, and would very much like to visit that island someday! It looks beautiful, and how about that old hotel!
So glad you were able to get away and feel some peace for a while. Can't wait for next week!
Deefer, the Island is another day's adventure. Did you see Somewhere in Time? That's a high-end tourist trap to be sure. Interesting History, though.
So far, so good. We'll be gone today for church soon, and will visit the dad's later. Hoping to avoid family drama one more day.
Bobbie
please take care of yourself.
Never a dull moment!
i know this is back to the stone ages- but to cut down on water bill costs due to incontinence- we wash all the clothes in a washtub basin with a ringer and board. Financially, we couldn't spend over 150 a month just in water! Crazy, but I honestly find washing the clothes by hand an escape and relaxing. gross when there is bm involved but still do-able.
Hope you all ae doing as well as can be. I am still in shock and not functioning well.
All in all I am ok, just not myself.
Bless you all and I love you,
Bobbie
lastnight i took pa to bathroom and get his jammies on and cleaned up , took out his teeth to get em soaked for the night . then tucked him to bed and ask him if he s comertable . he said yes and looked at me with his shiney blue eyes , said linda i want to thank u for helping me out and takin real good care of me , i said oh pa i enjoy takin care of you , if ure not here i worry about u so i keeep u here so i dont have to worry . he said yes and thank you for keeping me here , gave him a hug and a kiss and turned on his fav pasty cline music and told him we ll get up in morning and have a good ole bfast . and boy did we have a good ole bfast . :-) .
then i thought wow he realy apprecatied me and it felt good . i amjust happy to know that i can and able to keep pa home . at first it was horrible but as later he decline downhill it got easier and sad too .
you people complain about the water bill just tickles me to death . ihave well water so i often wonder if my well will dry up cuz of all time washin his wet clothes . but then thats ok . there is laundry mat . :-)
bobbie , did ur husband make it to u safety ?. i hope so . keep in touch. my love to u and sara xoxoxo .
lhardebeck, that is so sweet that your dad acknowledged your sacrifice and thanked you. What a blessing!
How refreshing to hear some places still have prayers in public (unlike where I live they sue over prayers at the football games), and praise and tributes to our fallen veterans. God bless your little town!
Crystal, I don't know how you have been able to stick it out for 9 years. It's been 4 for me, with the last 2 being 24/7. Now that Mom's long term care insurance benefits have started, I can have the aide here 30 hours a week and not have to worry about how I am going to pay her. I'm starting to feel some relief from the pressure. Now I can start cleaning Mom's apartment, curtains, windows, rugs,etc. She needs help with everything, so it's nearly impossible to do a good cleaning. Then I need to get my house in order, before my husband moves out! It's amazing how things start to pile up when your energy is sapped by care giving. Hang in there everyone!
Bobbie, do whatever it takes to get you through this tough time. Your Mom is in a better place, and now it's your turn to live.Take care of yourself!
i got my dad a battery operate shaver and let him go at it but i always watch him with it anyway . time of get rid of that electrity one .
I sure understand when you say you feel worse after getting away. After feeling a few hours of freedom it is hard to go back to your "prison". I often feel guilty for feeling this way, but I do miss my freedom terribly.
This morning has been rough for me. Mom is being ornery and difficult. She started banging on her bed instead of calling me to wake me up. Once I got there she said she was feeling bad, so I checked to see how her blood sugar was. It was a little high but I started to get her breakfast to take her morning meds. Because I couldn't wiggle my nose like Bewitched she got mad that it wasn't there instantly. Once I got it to her she was trying to eat lying down which isn't good. We ended up arguing because I was tring to get her to sit up in bed. She understood it to mean get up out of bed. She managed to get herself sitting on the edge of the bed and then she couldn't decide what she was doing from there. Eventually she decided to get to the table and eat her breakfast and take her meds. To top of the morning, I am stuck at home because the woman from the agency can't come in today. Luckily my boss was pretty understanding about it.
I guess we will all have our challenges ahead of us today. I'll be thinking of y'all while I am ready to pull my own hair out. Take care of yourselves.
Diane
Miz and Dtflex, It sure does suck to come back once you get away! Yes it's awful to feel that way, but we're entitled to our feelings whatever they may be.
Mom is off today, so I asked the daycare to dip her urine. She just got done with antibiotics for a UTI, but I think It's back. She can barely walk, and couldn't take directions at all this morning. I wish she didn't get UTIs every other month. They really do a number on her. Does anyone else have this problem?
I know exactly how you feel. Myu husband and I got a reprieve this past weekend and we were gone for 2 days and 2 nights. However, we were taking care of 2 of our grandchildren which I would much rather do. we had a wonderful time with them ( I am still watching them until Sat),. i know I wll be totally exhausted by then. But tomorrow is another day!!
Freedom is so taken for granted! I was guilty of that because I had no idea what it meant not to be able to even go outside "alone"!!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just cannot see a glimpse of it yet! Hang in there!!