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I once had a wondeful, wonderful boss who was an uber-nerd - much worse than me - and would get so excited about today, 11/11/11 having two 11:11's. I suppose its about finding enjoyment in simple things, finding those little moments that make us stop and smile amidst all the chaos/madness/unhappiness that is often around us.

Every morning I 'clean up' the coffee table first thing - clearing the ashtrays or whatever (my husband's toothpicks for one) left from the evening before. This morning - inexplicably - there is a bottle of nail polish on the coffee table directly in front of my chair. I have not painted my nails in ages. I have no idea why it was there. Weird.

I have been enjoying great success with my family tree research this week, even tracking down and getting a photo of my grandmother's grandmother's, and her grave. I realize none of this matters much to anyone but me - but its kind of like the satisfaction of having a college term paper come together. Remember term papers?

Shaping up to be a lovely albeit chilly and windy day here. I hope we may all find some happiness in it. Love you guys.
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morning folks . been up since 330 ,. been playing at pogo games , and lord behold its almost 8 oopsideooo ,
woke up and see snow everywhere . maybe not even an half inch , what the hell ! i want bunch of em , snow damn it ! :o)
mariesmom - sounds like ure ready to clean and start dancin while ure cleaning .
think i ll go back to bed . got up wayy to early to see hubby off to work and changed pa , he sure was wet , now i have to pee realy bad but i kept on playing pogo games , my arm started hurting , thought i best get up oh wait i ll ck see GO SEE IF ANYBODY POSTED , OH YES MARIESMOM :) you have a happiness day .
love you all xoxox
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Good Morning, all. Chilly morning here and snow flurries flying. This won't amount to much, thank goodness. I'm not ready for winter, yet.

Today is Mom's 83rd BD. Sent her flowers which will arrive today. I'm sure I'll get a "thank you" call later on.

Yuk all this clean up of body waste is not pleasant at any time, but especially (for me, anyway) not with my morning coffee!

mariesmom - lol caught up in the games, huh? I can relate. I play a game called Bejeweled 3. Once I get started I could play it for hours (so I limit myself). I also play Scrabble on FB and generally have at least 12 games going at the same time. I can play one word in each game in a few minutes, usually. I like the challenge and have to adjust my play level according to my opponents ability. I don't like to discourage anyone by winning all the time. I like the better players so much and I don't mind loosing. My husband is a brilliant scientist...but he is challlenged when it comes to spelling. lol

Well, it's goinging on 9 am and I'd better get something done here.
Hugs to all! Find a way to relax a little today, even if only for a few minutes.
Carolyn
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Hi all...just a quick update on Mom.

They moved her to ICU because her bp was low (which runs in her family.) She is coherent and talking. Everything else is working.

I have a gut feeling that they are "overanalyzing" her and treating for things that an 84 yr. old woman would naturally have. Now, she is not eating because the hospital is stressing her out. So they just give her more pills for the nausea, etc. (hmmmm...could the nausea be from NOT EATING???) Really, if docs can't throw a pill at it they are not happy!

My gut reaction is to get her the hell out of the hospital and back home where her health care team can better care for her.

But what do I know? I am just the family caregiver for the last 4 years...they've known her for 2 minutes!!!!
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lilli - i agree completely - but what to do? Will they let you bring food from outside? I'll bet she would eat something familar.

ICU for low blood pressure? That seems extreme.

Does the hospital have a 'patient advocacy' rep you can talk to?

keep us posted. I am so sorry you all are going through this.

hello bee - that wasn't me playing the games but sweet Ms.Linda. I have played some internet games the past but not for a long time. What I like to play is cards late into the night with friends and family at the table. I miss that.
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lol., Sorry, Mariesmom. I have a really hard time with the blue fonts! I have to start taking notes so I know who I writing to! loll BEE
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MsM: The hospital called again....now they want to put in a "pick line" IV for her low bp. My bro and sil were just there...and she was fine...the minute the left to go home to change, they whisked her off to the IV techs. They are treating her like a "terminal" case. Two days ago, at home, she was fine. We had a normal conversation. Her aides said she was doing well...Now they are trying to tell us that she wasn't "getting the care she needed" at home!!!

I am really worried...I think that they are doing more harm than good. Hospitals are the equivalent of puppy mills. I am so angry.
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Good Morning, Everyone. Diane, I am so glad your boyfriend is doing better. Lilli, maybe your Mom does belong at home. Older people just seem to go down hill at the hospital so often. Would she be happier at home? It might be worth it. Especially since she has aides to help her.

Everyone, I am sorry I have been absent for so long. I have been so tired and so down. It's coming up on a year since Mom passed and the holidays are coming and I hate the Fall & Winter. I just have not had the energy or inclination to do much. I am not going to try to catch up on the posts. Just know that I love you and think about you. Christina, thank you so much for checking on me yesterday. :)

love,
miz
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Lilli what I would do is see the social worker assigned to her and let her know sheIS being taken weel cared for at home. Sometimes the PIC line is better than a regular IV some meds are very strong and hurt when flowing in but who signed for the PIC line-does the hospital have the paper-I can not think of it right with her wishes known. You might want to talk to the head nurse or what ever they are called now days I called mine care monsters. Ask her doc to write that she can have comfort food that way you can bring in what she likes-most doc if they have a heart will do that. Patients have bill og rights now. My Mom was tricked into signing a DNR and my sister would not leave the hospital until it was removed from her chart-my husband was also at one of the nursing home even though his health care directive was on his chart. Good luck with the hospital personall -just speak up as you need to and make sure no tests or proceedures are done without you being notified.
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Morning Dearest Friends,
MsM: your first post this morning is an example of the message I was hearing this morning from Joyce Meyer, about Attitude. "Your Problem is not your problem; your attitude about your problem is your problem." YOU have a good attitude. At least, you project a good, positive attitude, and how else can we accomplish anything if we have a bad attitude?
I am very guilty of a bad attitude this last year, off and on, and lately I have been intent on "Cleaning up my act". It is not easy with the resentment I have toward my sister, but that is not hurting her, it is only hurting me--well, and everyone in my wake. If I have been given the strength to be the sole caregiver in the family, while the weak ones stand by the wayside, then I must also muster the strength to have a good attitude. Maybe then I will lose weight. Maybe I will feel like singing and playing the piano again. Maybe I will look for the possibilities instead of what is wrong in my life. Whether you know it or not, God used you this morning to 'second the motion' of the lesson He was trying to get in my consciousness. :D
Lilli: so sorry about your Mom. I was not here all day yesterday. I accidently let go and fell into the black hole and when I do that, I isolate from everything and everygroup. I'm praying, and yes, get her the heck out of there. Maybe some rice pudding or mashed potatoes, or even a banana to ease the pills on empty stomach. IDIOTS.
Hubby left his hearing aids on island this morning, so I need to drive up right NOW and get them to him before his 6 meetings! I think he does not want to hear something, but I am not going to say anything. I need to support him intensely right now. He is starting up 3 separate projects/businesses all at once, and he is stressed. When it rains, you know. which it is about to do here, and hubby has not got his last 2 tires replaced because he has not been paid for 3 months. Today is the day, I think. More later. Gotta run. I like Sweet Tooth, btw on Pogo:)))Chris
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Glad James is ? On the mend? or is it to early to know but if he is doing ok after first 24 hours that is a good sign...
over medicating the elderly is like a theme unfortunately we can't do it at home so much...there is probably a reason they do it, and as for just trying to medicalize old age and dying good grief, I agree...They are OLD old means everything is...O L D ..you know then death, that is a part of life even Forrest figured that out.....You can not medicalize death away....Doctors I swear! beh...
so we are NOT changing the rug....I just don't know..what ever, gonna go get library book fp meds and a lotto ticket eh 11 11 11 for what it's worth...Have a good vets day all, we are veterans of our own situations here...Keep Calm and Carry On....
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You're wonderful, Jen!
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Jen hope you make millions with lottery ticket so you can hire someone to take care of FP.
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So much going on today with everyone. My heart is with you all.

Lilli OMG it seems your mom is being held hostage - is the hospital not busy enough? Make a racket - see the social worker, ask to see the head nurse, ask to see the patient bill of rights. All good suggestions. Steel your nerves.

YOU know what is best for Mom. I mean no disrespect to health care workers - but sometimes the policies put in place that govern their actions MUST be questioned. Squeaky wheel and all that. And now the weekend coming up and not much happens then . . .which might be a good thing.

An elderly neighbor friend fell and was taken to the ER about 5 yrs ago. Lovely independent lady who retired from the Smithsonian. I don't know what exactly was wrong with her - but they were going to transfer her post haste to a nursing home. She told her kids she would much rather die before going there - and she did. Died that night.

Especially since Mom's death I have more reason to believe in the power of the mind to control the 'when' of our death. I believe some people DO manage to wait for that last visitor, that last phone call, that last goodbye - that the will to continue to live - within reason - can keep someone alive a bit longer. Or, in the case of my elderly neighbor, perhaps allow them to check out a bit sooner.

Christina - you are so sweet! Like everyone else I bounce back and forth between positive and negative - but tend to stay on the positive side. Despite everything wrong in our personal lives and in the big wide world, I have love in my life. Kids love me. Cats love me. Husband loves me. I have a handful of dear friends and a sister and BIL who love me. These are things I am sooooooo grateful for. And the people who don't - like my STUPID, SHALLOW brothers who think cash/stuff/trips/etc are everyting? I like that stuff too and wouldn't mind having some of it - but I wouldn't trade places with those egocentric, selfish jerks for any amount of money.
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Oh - and happy Veterans day! Remember those of us who kept/keep the home fires burning also played a part!
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Lilli, You have every right to demand that the Doctors, Hospital and Staff know that they are accountable to you for everything related to your Mom. Raise Hell if you have to and don't be shy about it. Keep your focus on being in charge of what your Mother is subjected to. The Hospital, staff and Doctors are hired by you and you have every right to fire them if you think it best. You can demand to be informed and require that they get authorization from you for any treatment can be administered. Ask questions and make informed decisions. Don't accept them giving you vague answers to blow you off. There is a lot of wisdom in the old saying Linda referred to "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", the more annoying the squeak the faster it is greased. Sending you and your Mom my support and love. Cricket
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The hospice medical team has just left and informed us that mother could pass at any time now. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. I love you all!
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Sorry I've been MIA lately. I'm working on my attitude too like Christina. Also working on my health so I will feel up to caring for mama. I can't afford to let my self get this down. I've always been a glass half full kind of person until lately. So I've got some work to do.

I've been trying to keep up with you all.

Diane, I'm glad James is some better. Hope he continues improving. My heart goes out to you.
Lilli, old folks don't do well in hospitals. Every time my mom goes for any reason, she loses ground physically and mentally. If at all possible I agree with the others that you need to get her home. Does she have hospice? If not try to get it. In the meantime, look for a patient advocate and when the Dr comes in lock the door til he really explains things to you.
Barb, I'm thinking of you often. Hope job comes thru for your hubby. If it has and I've missed that post....congrats.
Rip, love you girl!! Loving the pictures.
Linda, you make me smile. Love you too.
Cricket, hope things are looking up there too. Love you lots.
Austin, how are you? How's your gentleman friend?
Jen, you are so right about us being veterans of our own situations. You are very wise.
Bee, hello!
SS, I feel for you too.

So many of us are just overwhelmed lately and can barely do what is necessary for our charges, and we are finding it hard to keep up with the comments and post anything. Just know that like myself we love you guys who are so diligent about posting and it's comforting to know you are there even if we don't feel like writing ourselves.

Love and Hugs to you all,
Ann
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Regarding Jen's comments: HEAR, HEAR! Whoo Hoo, JenGirl!!
About talking to doctors, caregivers in care home, nurses: while annoying Mother's doctor a couple of weeks ago on the phone, I asked him if I was one of the most dreaded 'responsible party' of his elderly patients. He said, "No, you are persistent, but you are no way close to my worst contact." I thought that was pretty nice, actually. Let's me know I have a little room before I am considered a bitch or unreasonable. Maybe I'll try it out this afternoon. Well, if we don't do it, who will?
Continuing Healing Hugs to Kuli, Ann, 54--can't remember where the "j" goes--how are you and your husband doing?:)
Also, huggy hugs to Miz--glad to see you, and U R always in my heart; LINDAHEART, speaking of hearts xoxo; MsM: Ms Gratitude Attitude Girl, the famous Austin/Maxine with a New York to the point state of mind; Diane the flexible one; Cricket and try not to fry it it's healthier that way--whoo hoo! Jen who is Somebody who is write on; Rip, cairn about her pets and friends; Lilliput the wise; Rosella Bella, Regina del Fuoco ( no, I am not being nasty) Cuz, the patron Saint of Laughter and other thoughts; cg, be here, too; and many we are missing...
Captain, Ted, Pirate, Annie, CareShare, and many one hit wonders. Btw: my family has not found an oil yet to keep me from squeaking. heehee
Love you all. Later, Christina xo
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Oh SS, I must have been writing while you were. I'm so sorry about your mom. Prayers going your way.
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BJ, I am praying for your Mom's peaceful release and transition. Strength and Peace to you, Dear Friend. Check in with us, we are here for you. love, christina xo
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Hey Y'all,

Just stopping in to say thank you for your prayers. James continues to improve with each day. The docs have decreased his oxygen and the balloon assist pump is now assisting every other breath instead of every breath. I plan to head over to the hospital shortly.

It looks like everyone is having their own trials it seems. I'll be thinking of you all. Have a good night.

Love ya,
Diane
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Brenda - all love and comfort and peace to you and your Mom at this difficult time.
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stillstandin - im going to light the candle here in a bit for ur mom and for u too . it will stay burning till i go to bed and will relite it again tmr . big hugs to u dear and am sorry to hear that she be going anytime soon . heartbreakin times . big hugs ! xoxo
lilli - i think that hospital may be using ur mom as a rat lab ? did went there cuz she fell ? now her bp is way too low ? is there a another hospital u can transfer her to ? that hospital is makin u upset and not likin whats going on , i would just have hertransfered over to another hospital and by law she can not be held hostage there . she can get up andleave anytime , they will run to u and say ins wont pay ifu leave blah blah , dont believe them cuz my dad has walked out of the hospital so many times and yep ins did pay for it . in fact i think ins is happy to save extra bucks . that went for nursing home too , they threaten me that ins will not pay for his month stay if i take him now , i laugh said i didnt care cuz im not payin the bill anyways , never got a bill anyways .
you all stay out of the black hole ! i ll have to come and drag u out of it , kimmy - where are you ?
tmr my ex sis in law is comin over to help me clean the house and move things around . shes good at it , i can do it but geeze all these plants i brought inside just sat there in a wrong place and seems i have no room for it ! so with her here she can say that needs to go there etc , that will; help me out alot ...
you guys have a happy friday and be thankful that someone loves you ... xoxo
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SS - So sorry to hear about your mom. Just be there and tell her everything you've every wanted to say to her. Tell her how much you love her, what a wonderful mom she's been, anything and everything you would want to hear at a time like this - even if some are not the entire truth. And pay attention to what she says, if she is talking at all. I was almost as amazed at being a part of the dying process as I was the first time I was involved in a birth in nursing school. And don't be afraid to call hospice when she doesn't seem right to you - that's what they are there for. You don't have to wait until you are convinced she's getting worse. The hospice nurse that took care of my dad at the end walked in that day and said now it's my turn to be the nurse and you can just be the daughter. It was such a relief for me to let someone else take that caregiver/nurse role over, administer the meds to keep him comfortable and just let me be there for dad. Hang in there. It's so very hard, I know, but what you're doing is such a wonderful thing for your mom. I don't think there's a more loving, caring, blessed thing we can do for our loved ones than to be there when they need us most. Will keep you all in my prayers ~ Kuli
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well said kuli . big hugs to u too dear ,
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Hey Linda, Kimmy still here! Had to take one of the little dogs to the vet. Face was swollen and she has an infected tooth! On antibiotics and after ten days tooth will be pulled! Maisy likes to see Dr. Painter! Wish he was our doc! He is right in the middle of Wanamaker. She liked the car ride too! Others were jealous when we got back home!

Lilli, hope your Mom gets back home safe and sound! What an ordeal! So sorry you are having to endure all the BS!

Miz, I get down in the dumps every year when Mom's anniversary rolls around! It is very difficult to say the least! Hope that cloud lifts soon! Many hugs to you!

StillStanding- Thinking of you! Lots of hugs being sent your way! Will light a candle for your Mom, you and your family here also!

I am going to watch Harry Potter with Hannah! Husband off so hopefully we can watch the entire movie without interruption! We will see how it goes!

Love you all! XXOO Kim
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pay per viewed it here.....was so happy and excited after watching it, glad to know I am not dead totally...

Hope little pup is doing OK.
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Brenda, you're in our hearts tonight. Good advice, Kuli. I know you still miss your dad. Jen, I'm glad you enjoyed something. You deserve a break mentally. Kim, I hope your pup recovers nicely with the antibiotic and can get that bad tooth pulled.
Miz, thinking of you tonight. Hope you are ok.
Diane, sounds like really good news about James. So glad.
Linda, a special good nite to Pa. Hope he's dryer in the morning.

Thinking of you all tonight with love.
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Hi everyone. I was thinking about you today as I was bouncing from phone call to phone call. I wanted to take a moment to update:

Mom went in for "observation"...now, not 2 days later, doctors are talking to me about "end of life" issues.

They gave us 3 options:
1) Angioplasty...to correct a "suspected" heart blockage...has many risks
2) Keep her in the hospital on IVs and meds
3) Hospice

In my heart, I know she is better off in her home with lots of TLC. If this is her time, then whatever she has left will be all about quality, not quantity.

I asked the doctor today, if he thought it was logical that the Mom I spoke and joked with, just a few days ago, did not complain of any ailments but, now, could now be on death's door? He didn't answer.

I don't blame them, they come from one hard-line mindset. They go to extreme measures to "fix" things. But, I have a holisitic approach and do NOT believe that we are just the sum of our parts.

So that is where it stands right now. Need to call my sib and figure a few things out. (The doc was pressuring to do the angio tonight!!!!) I think we all need to take a deep breath and think with our heads and hearts.

I will fly west tomorrow - am feeling the need to be there and to help make decisions...or to break into the hospital and kidnap my Mom (you will bail me out, won't you?)

But you, my friends, rock and have helped me through so many crazy times. So much of what I know about caregiving has come from this forum and from other caregivers who can scarcely spare the time...but continue to share.

I wish you a good evening...and I will update you when I return.

Lilli
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