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Good morning all.... thank you so much for your support! I've only had three hours sleep because of phone calls and visitations. I've let dad sleep, he's still sleeping and it's 11:30 a.m.. I know he needs it more than me now. Still breaking my heart to have to ssee my sister and lissten to her bullshit on Wednesday but like you guys said, my true friends know who took care of mom and showed it not telling people!!! Many hugs to you all, BJ
My heart beat fast as I read all the posts from the last half day. Lots of scurrying to help friends, good perspective, a little chaos, wisdom. I have been praying for each circumstance. I see similarities in the dynamics of our families. It's so interesting to observe: it seems the same predicament is laid out in front of us, over and over again, until we are able to step out of the way, remove ego, listen to our hearts, do the thing that is so simple but is also the hardest. We wonder why there are such problems in the world, when our family drama is right in front of us. So sad, so stupid-- I am identifying with it. I think of the many incidents where I attempted to foster unity, and others were not there, so I was labeled a controller. The last couple of years, my sister gave what she could to the care of my Mother, she brought me plants and treats, but things were not what I wanted. Things and money are all some people are willing to give. They are afraid or unable to reveal themselves, so they hide behind whatever they place in front of them. It's different for everyone. I wonder why I have always been the one to step in to do the emotional jobs in my family: the caregiving, the family dinners, the communicating, even the organizing of and speaking at memorial services for many family members. No one else seems to step forward, when they do speak, it is their own experience with the person, but I notice it is not of the intensity or scope that I expect. We have unique ways about us. In dysfunctional families-- what does that mean?!-- there are individuals with separate and unique imperfections. I certainly have my own which haunt me, so we must accept that the others are also haunted, they are just not as open as we are, they are not as brave or strong or able to express as we are. We are resentful of them, they are angry with us, our parents are aware of it or not, but they want us to work it out between us. Earlier this year when I could still discuss real issues with Mother--can you believe it?-- I asked her about certain belongings of hers, who she would like to have them. She answered in a way that could appear to be uncooperative and in denial: oh, you and "your sister" figure it out." I know what she wanted. It came to me in a moment of recognition. She wants us to work together to be fair. Well, I get it. Why does my sister not come up with this and volunteer to share in this meeting of the minds? How many times do we extend ourselves? I am simply illustrating what we are all going through, and wonder if we all let down our defenses: our resentment for being the one doing it all, and they might be able to express their thoughts and feelings. Am I still hoping for an idealistic answer? There must be an answer to this dilemma that we ALL seem to share. Love to each of you, and heartfelt prayers for your individual circumstances. Hugs&Love
Christina, There is so much truth in what you said. It reminded me of an experience that I went through with my SIL about a year before my MIL called me and asked me to come help her so she could stay at home and die in peace. A year earlier my youngest daughter Sara and I drove to CA to visit family. After days of driving and we were so excited to see everyone we walked in and I went up to each person to hug them and when I got to my SIL she did an abrupt turn and walked away from me and my daughter. We had always got along great and I had thought we were close so this was like a knife stab in my heart. It took everything I had to just let it go, but I did. A couple days later I called her to find out what I did to cause her to react in such a way, it did no good and she ended up talking to me in such an arrogant manner that I had to just hang up. A year later when I got the call from MIL, I went to take care of her. At one point she said to me... can you just forgive Kathy (SIL) I was so hurt that she would even ask me to be the one to forgive when I didn't do anything. Believe me it was really hard but I decided that I was there to make my MIL passing better for her so I went on to act toward my SIL as if nothing had ever happened. It made my MIL so happy to see us treating each other kind and like real family. To this day we get along and are close. I found out what the problem was and it had nothing to do with me but rather a miscommunication caused by her Mother, even so I was the one she took it out on. To this day she has never apologized and I still struggle at times with the fact that she never told me she was sorry, but I know and understand her really well. She has a huge ego, and in her mind to say she was sorry would make her appear weak, even though she knows it was her wrong. I just recognize the truth in it and let it go. It doesn't have to change the kind of person I am. It's easy to forgive others when they admit there in the wrong but when they don't, it's up to us. What I do know is that I feel good about the way I act and I can only change myself not anyone else.
Ted, Lilli, SS my prayers are with you. Please make sure to get some rest so you can all get through this critical time. The sibs are going to say and do what they perceive themselves no matter what we do. You may want to reach out and strangle them, but dont continue to let your anger for them hurt you. THis is much easier said than done. The good man up stairs knows the truth. Christina, why don't we let our guard down? Because we don't want to be runover by a bulldozer before we have a chance to blink. Linda, Kathy, Kim, Cricket, 54J, Jen, Bee, Rossella, Ann, Annie and all those still in the tranches, keep your chin up. Miz, Rip, Austin, Kuli, Barb, Bobbie and Cuz, thanks for sticking with us. I know my brain has missed naming many, but forgive me. You all are my lifeline and want you to know how much you mean to me.
Have a good day where ever you are and know that I'm thinking of you.
Yes, Cricket, I hear you. I have experienced similar. Huge egos are usually a sign of insecurity. I always thought I had to try harder, that if I accomplished something of note, that I would be recognized by my Mother. I did this my entire life until it was my MO to be a "doer". It's OK--I am versatile and able. I created my own position--to fill the void of the family with my abilities. One more thing I can do. But, if I were really benefitting the family, things would be flowing lovingly and smoothly, Si? This last year, I told my sister how she "hurt my feelings" with her comments toward me, and she laughed it off. I don't get it, but it is her way of manipulating to keep me where she wants me. Oh well. I envision her on her death bed, finally apologizing, and then what am I going to do? Tell her, "well, I knew you would do this. Like Mother, you have nothing better to do at this point in your life, and no one else to help you, so if I don't accept your apology, I am yet again, the bad guy". It's hysterical. I need to quell my imagination and quit writing fairy tales. I must quit feeding the monster. By the way: I did my good deed of the day and posted 3 recipes on Favorite Recipes thread:)
We are in it together, Diane. None of us is alone, which makes it easier. We have been brought together in a very loving way. I am very thankful for each Angel here. Big Hug.
I had always thought that if I did not die first which I was sure would happen-that my husband would ask me to forgive him for how he treated me for so many years instead what he did was shut me out-he recongnized everyone one but me-he would try to smile or indicate that he knew who they were but not me it really hurt since I was the one who was there for him through thick and thin but he is not my judge it what God thinks of me that matters.
Austin, you were so beyond what he deserved. We all know what we are worthy of in our Heart of Hearts. You were a true Blessing to him, he wasn't big enough to even speak the words. You are the Awesome Austin. AA The Maximum Maxine. MM Heehe:) the Queen of New York. WhooHoo!!!
Hey all Just back from another day of photographing the graves of other people's ancestors. I find great peace in doing this - as does my husband. Graveyards are peaceful places, and it does my heart so much good to hear back from the folks thanking me for the photos. And I always hear back right away so it is positive reinforcement! (Of course I also wish someone would schlep out and take some of the photos I have asked for - are the people in LA -thats lower Alabama - so busy?)
Isn't it strange, wonderful, odd that we all found one another? I've never been very good at making friends - the few I have I've had a very long time - because (a) I almost always tell the truth e.g. "those pants really do make you look fat" so they have to be able to take it - and do the same for me. (b) I expect my friends to be loyal - they don't gossip behind my back; they will come to bail me out at 2 a.m.; they always remembered to ask about Mom :) (c) They care deeply about things that are important - and not so much about the bullshit stuff
So thanks guys for being there - i an't tell you how much you mean to me, and how I wish your all your troubles and heartache would just go away down the river.
Hey barb: SAME!! Ditto. I have 1 solid friend from HS, a few kindred oddballs I have met and hang onto the last few years, and my Wonderful Cousins on both sides. Besides you guys. Whoo Hoo! All the rest, I wish them well. We are a rare bunch. Love you All. I have double earaches tonite, so signing out. Later, Gators.
hey gals I talked with bobbie today and she asked me to tell you that she is 100% whipped,beat and tired. She has missed placed her charger for her laptop and the battery is dead. As soon as she can she is going to try to get back on line. She has everyone in her thoughts. Hugs and angels to everyone. LuvCuz
I had to share some good news with you. James came off all assistance today and is breathing on his own and is able to talk. He sounded "drunk" due to the sedation, but he is getting better!!! He wasn't quite sure at first who everyone was and I asked him "who is Diane?" He answered "My girl. I don't know where I'd be without her". It made me feel good. His son and I had such a good laugh off of his drunken talk especially when he said, "damn, that was some beer".
Flex See what happens when everyone is on your side. Glad to hear that James turned the right corner for the better. It might be a long road to recovery but we are all here for you. Hugs Cuz Ted sorry to hear about your mom. Angels coming your way for the healing.
Christina...you are being very philosophical today. So I'll join you. I'll tell you why I I think some don't reveal themselves.....it may be that every time they show their soft underbelly...they get stabbed in it. Most of us are in survival mode. Protecting our soft spots. I've been doing that since I was a kid..with my drunk dad, my angry brother and my smothering mother. Maybe it is that sort of upbringing that prepared me for caregiving. It didn't kill me so it must have made me stronger. ya think?
Barb, you and I have different expectations from our friends. 1.) I know better than to expect them never to lie to me. It's human nature to prevaricate or appease or flatter when put in a tight situation. If I ask if these jeans make my butt look big...it's really a plea for affirmation. I already know my butt is big, I want to be told 'how can they? your butt is not big'. I know it's a lie, but it comforts me momentarily. Or I want them to say ' it's the pockets on the back...try a pair without pockets or try a different cut. It's the southerner in me I guess. We seldom go straight at something, we will go all around the block to be polite and pleasing and then get our point across in a soft southern accent. It can be charmingly infuriating to our northern friends who are straight shooters. 2.) I expect a certain amount of loyalty, but I know it's also human nature to worry about those you care for and in that worrying women in particular tend to talk to other women. I operate on the theory that a secret told to one person is no longer a secret. I know their heart is loyal it's their mouths that spill the beans sometimes. I mostly go about like an open book so there's nothing secret to talk about. I like to spill my own beans before they get a chance to do it. Now malicious gossip I don't tolerate.That's a deal breaker. If they forget to ask about mom, I remember that I forget sometimes too. 3. I also hate the sophmoric shallow crap and prefer my friends care more about the important things. But I realize that what's important to me may not be as important to them due to life experiences or lack of such. I usually find something else in that person that draws me to them. If I can't, well there's no need to continue the friendship so I let it slip away. I guess my main philosopy is to live and let live and forgive and pray for forgiveness. I cannot hold them to a higher standard than I in my imperfect state can attain. I love having friends with such different personalities. What a bore it would be if all my friends were just like me. Blah! And I really love having friends all over the country and in Ireland and Italy. That is so cool! Even with our many personalities we are all going through the same situations and understand each other perfectly and not just sympathize but we truly empathize. We can almost finish each other's sentences. If I say..."oh god I got up this moring to......." any of you could finish that sentence for me. We have bonded by shared experience. And we're there for each other. You can't get much better than that.
My love to you all. I think I hit the sack now. You all will be in my prayers tonight. Ann
Ted, sorry to hear that your Mom is in the hospital! You are both in my thoughts! Much love to you!
Christina hope your ears are on the mend! OUCH
Lilli, hang in there. Keep us posted! Been thinking about you!
Raining really hard here! Tomorrow high of 76! This is Indiana, it's supposed to be cold and snowing which it was just the other day! Have to go get some Summer clothes out! Love you all!
Diane, such good news about James!!!! I'm so happy for you. Ted. thinking of you tonight too. Hope your mom is not too seriously ill. Christina, I used to put salt in a sock and heat it in the microwave and put it to my son's ears. It seemed to help some. So sorry you're in pain. Thinking of you tonite Lilli, and you Kuli.
Hey, Annie and Rossella! SS....hope things are getting better. Chricket!!!! Linda!!! Jen!!!! Kim!!!!! Cuz!!!! Bobbie....miss you!! Hang in there his too shall pass. Hey to Austin, Miz, Barb and all those I'm forgetting. Love you all.
I read the posts of the last 2 days and Lilli's story (if you read it non stop, from the beginning to the end) is just mind blowing! I don't know how you can stay calm, Lilli. I would get crazy in that situation! It is really hard to know what is the best thing to do. My 2 cents is to talk with your brother - a lot - and try to find a solution between the 2 of you. If people of the hospital see that you disagree, they (the doctors) will make all the decisions instead of you. As far as I know, in the hospitals there are 2 very different ways of handling things: 1) the doctors try every possible treatment even if the patient and the relatives don't agree 2) the doctors stop the treatments when they think it is useless, even if the relatives say "try! Try again!". It seems you are in the 1st situation. I don't know what to tell you, except to try to find an agreement with your brother and see what you can do. And I am very sorry for your mother of course. Ted, what's going on with your mom? Brenda, too many things to deal with in such a short time! You are still shocked and you have to take care about your sister's craziness. I agree with Barb, the smooth way is the best in this case. Your mother would like you wouldn't fight, I am sure. But if you can't really stand your sister talks, you could tell her. "Yes, go, speak, say whatever you want. When you have finished, I will talk and I will say to everyone that you haven't done anything for our mothers in the past 10 years!" This should stop her. This could be a solution. Christina, I am "la signora del fuoco" really. I baked another cake tonight, in a oven which I borrowed from one of my helpers, and it is the worst cake I ever baked in my life. My mother refused it - and it says all - she eats ANY thing which is sweet. She refused my cake. But! It didn't go on fire. Barb, I like the idea of putting all our problems in a leaf and throwing the leaf in the river. But I am afraid that every living being in the river would die immediately.....
Diane I am so happy things go better with James. I write you on Facebook too, so I never remember if I have commented the latest news... Hope things are still improving.
This is a message I had from my friend Nancy on facebook. I think it is very sweet.
"I've been praying for your little doggy and can only imagine how devastating this is for you who love these little creatures so much. I hope you have forgiven yourself and know that God is with him and looking after him now. I am so sorry when our beloved pets leave us and of course this kind of tragedy is unbearable please know that we are praying for you"
SS- we share the same nickname, except I'm SelfishSiblings. You are ahead of me on this one with the funeral and the sister that wants to speak. But I'm not far behind and I KNOW the same situation will present itself to me when my parents pass. I have two deadbeat siblings who don't visit or do anything to help take care of my less than independent parents, Anyway.....I agree with those that say in the end, you know you did the right thing. Suck it up, put the angry aside for that day, stay in your seat and block out the noise. Everyone there will know YOU were the one that cared for her. It will come back to you in spades, darlin'. Hang in there. There are so many of us behind you.
Annt - I would assume you have MANY more friends than I! As we are both deep south Georgia girls I totally understand what you are saying. My Mom used to say I needed to be more 'tactful' in my dealings with others. But while I was raised a Georgia peach, (and retain all the recipes and certainly the accent to prove it), I think it is because I was raised - as I am sure many of us were - in a home where one ONLY spoke the truth if it was pleasant and pleasing to do so. One NEVER spoke of harsh reality. One never questioned the wisdom of elders, the teachings of the church, the REASON why anything was done or believed.
From about the 3rd grade I began rebelling against this, and always questioned and spoke my mind - and thus made a lot of trouble for myself.
In 3rd grade my Louisiana school (we were at Ft Polk for a time) began intergrating a small number of black students. I immediately befriended the one very tall black child placed in my class. I can still see Brenda on that first day, sitting in the back of the room, a head taller than the rest of us, dressed so much nicer than myself, every hair in place, and looking absolutely petrified. My heart went out to her. At recess I took her hand, pulled her into our games - I can still see the huge, beaming smile on her face that morning as we instantly became fast friends in the way that only young children can do.
After recess we were marched to the bathrooms to wash up for lunch. Mrs. Williams, our teacher, stood at the doorway and held me there as I made to leave until everyone else was gone. Then she closed the door and told me, mincing no words, that I was NOT to play with Brenda, nor talk to her, nor engage in any sort of friendship with her at all from that moment on. To do so would result in very, very, bad things happening to me and to my fair-haired, brilliant, practically teaching the 5th grade class older brother ( the same one making my life so miserable now). I was thus threatened by my teacher, my 'surrogate Mom' figure whom I had up to that moment absolutely adored, for befriending another child whose skin color she disapproved of.
I wish I could tell you I kicked Mrs Williams in the shins, called her a brainless bigot, and continued to play with Brenda regardless. But I didn't. I painfully, purposely, refused to look in Brenda's eyes from that moment forward. I choked on my lunch seeing her sitting at her table alone, and I ran right past her on the playground at afternoon recess as if she did not even exist. By the end of the week Brenda was no longer at our school. To this day I think about her.
Oh my I am rattling this morning when I need to be looking for work! I hope this is a good week, or as good as it can be under the circumstances, for everyone. I love you guys.
Wow, barb. Just think, that teacher may be fanning herself in a very hot place. Hey, are you my twin? I have always thought the stork dropped me down the wrong chimbley. I was supposed to be a southern belle, not stuck in this casual California anything goes liberal campsite. Just kidding. As a small child, I was shy and fearful and didn't know which end was up. That small voice always speaking to me told me to face my fears, speak the truth, challenge the tight phony lips that shushed me from causing dinner time gasps. I remember my Dad-- the short time he lived with us-- laughing hysterically at my outbursts, even though I feared my Mother and Grandmother's reactions. But not enough to totally shut up. It caused them to brand me "troubled". haha. Yea, I'll show you some trouble. I was a very good girl, even in high school. Amazing how one small, but chubby, intuitive, singing little blond girl could terrify a room full of adults. Sigh. Gives me a lot of enjoyment thinking about it now:) Rosella, that was a sweet message from Nancy. We certainly all join her, you know that. Ann, you are sounding very strong. Keep resting and healing:) KimBo, sending you tickles and Hugs. We Love you:) love and hugs to BJ:) where is my LindaHeart? Xo Miz, xo; Lilliput, wazzup with Mom and Bother? Cricket, chirp, chirp, watch out for low-flying songbirds. Heehe. Send me some degrees, pleeze. Cuz, Captain, Selfish Sibs, Awesome Austin, Diane, Ted: Love and Hugs! Going to post some more recipes today. Have a good one! Christina xo
I just got a call from one of my next door neighbors that my sister turned against me, she called to not say anything to me but to tell me to be kind to my sister because she's so torn up and hurting....and how much she loved her mother... Oh God, pleasse give me strength! I can't even see what I'm writing.
Oh Barb, what a terrible experience for a child to have. I'm sure it made an indelible impression on you. Probably strengthened your resolve to be your authentic self in the future. Yes, I was raised not to speak up or speak at all unless it was pleasant and it would agree with the majority.
In my family you never ever told mama the truth. She could not take it. You had to sugar coat everything. Or just not speak at all. I only started to speak my mind at 19 when I began to question my religious upbringing. My family was agast! Even tho none of them were practicing Baptisits, it was a bona fide crime to switch religions, but switch I did. I found a group who questioned and studied not traditions but truths and what the scriptures really said. So I was suddenly an outcast in my family. Some would walk out of the room when I walked in. Several times I was verbally abused by my angry abusive brother. My mother acted like she supported me, but behind my back she totally threw me under the bus. She often stirred things up more and then acted like she didn't have a clue why they were so angry with me. She would deliberately misquote me to them to make them angry, if I called to straighten it out I got cussed out. And so it went from age 19 until last year. My brother in VA has always supported me, but he was too far away to be any help. It was nice tho knowing that he didn't hate me. So I did learn to stand up for myself in what I considered the more important things. Other things I learned to pick my battles carefully because they were always so ready to go to battle with me.
I've always just naturally been accepting of other cultures and races so joining a group (Jehovah's Witnesses) who practiced what they preached about everyone being created equal was right up my alley. My children were raised color blind. They sat next to people of all races at our meetings each week and made fast friends with whoever's personality clicked with theirs, color was never even considered. That's one of the things that separated me from my family. They were for the most part bigots. They were shocked and apalled at how we lived our lives. It's interesting how now they don't seem to care about all that. Or whether I celebrate this or that holiday or not. I always feel that I'm just one comment away from getting cussed out tho. I don't trust them. I loved them thru it all, but I didn't and don't trust them to do the right thing.
Now I'm rambling. Seems to be the morning for reflecting on our past.
Hope you have a good day today. Have you tried Craigs list for employment opportunities in your area? My son was just telling me how many jobs are available in our area. He applied for several. One was for a toy assembler at Toys R Us. somebody's gotta do it.
Brenda, ignore your busy body neighbor. She has only one side of the issue...your sister's. As Dr Phil says...no matter how flat you make a pancake, it has two sides to it. Isn't it funny how people are always so willing to believe just the one side and totally ignore the other side. Too much trouble to be objective I guess. Bahhh!!! to heck with her! And your sister! I learned at a young age that your biological family are not always your true family. The balcony in the theater of my life is full of family and false friends. The front row is reservered for those who deserve it. All my AC friends are right up front cheering. I love it!
BJ, remember that no man apologizes for doing right. Try to distance yourself. Your sister is Feeling Guilty and your idiot neighbor is easily manipulated. Come on, girlfriend:) This is an evil sideshow meant to distract from the truth. Peace be with you. Hugs.
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We wonder why there are such problems in the world, when our family drama is right in front of us. So sad, so stupid-- I am identifying with it. I think of the many incidents where I attempted to foster unity, and others were not there, so I was labeled a controller. The last couple of years, my sister gave what she could to the care of my Mother, she brought me plants and treats, but things were not what I wanted. Things and money are all some people are willing to give. They are afraid or unable to reveal themselves, so they hide behind whatever they place in front of them. It's different for everyone. I wonder why I have always been the one to step in to do the emotional jobs in my family: the caregiving, the family dinners, the communicating, even the organizing of and speaking at memorial services for many family members. No one else seems to step forward, when they do speak, it is their own experience with the person, but I notice it is not of the intensity or scope that I expect. We have unique ways about us. In dysfunctional families-- what does that mean?!-- there are individuals with separate and unique imperfections. I certainly have my own which haunt me, so we must accept that the others are also haunted, they are just not as open as we are, they are not as brave or strong or able to express as we are. We are resentful of them, they are angry with us, our parents are aware of it or not, but they want us to work it out between us. Earlier this year when I could still discuss real issues with Mother--can you believe it?-- I asked her about certain belongings of hers, who she would like to have them. She answered in a way that could appear to be uncooperative and in denial: oh, you and "your sister" figure it out." I know what she wanted. It came to me in a moment of recognition. She wants us to work together to be fair. Well, I get it. Why does my sister not come up with this and volunteer to share in this meeting of the minds? How many times do we extend ourselves?
I am simply illustrating what we are all going through, and wonder if we all let down our defenses: our resentment for being the one doing it all, and they might be able to express their thoughts and feelings. Am I still hoping for an idealistic answer?
There must be an answer to this dilemma that we ALL seem to share. Love to each of you, and heartfelt prayers for your individual circumstances. Hugs&Love
Have a good day where ever you are and know that I'm thinking of you.
Love ya,
Diane
This last year, I told my sister how she "hurt my feelings" with her comments toward me, and she laughed it off. I don't get it, but it is her way of manipulating to keep me where she wants me. Oh well. I envision her on her death bed, finally apologizing, and then what am I going to do? Tell her, "well, I knew you would do this. Like Mother, you have nothing better to do at this point in your life, and no one else to help you, so if I don't accept your apology, I am yet again, the bad guy". It's hysterical. I need to quell my imagination and quit writing fairy tales.
I must quit feeding the monster. By the way: I did my good deed of the day and posted 3 recipes on Favorite Recipes thread:)
Just back from another day of photographing the graves of other people's ancestors. I find great peace in doing this - as does my husband. Graveyards are peaceful places, and it does my heart so much good to hear back from the folks thanking me for the photos. And I always hear back right away so it is positive reinforcement! (Of course I also wish someone would schlep out and take some of the photos I have asked for - are the people in LA -thats lower Alabama - so busy?)
Isn't it strange, wonderful, odd that we all found one another? I've never been very good at making friends - the few I have I've had a very long time - because
(a) I almost always tell the truth e.g. "those pants really do make you look fat" so they have to be able to take it - and do the same for me.
(b) I expect my friends to be loyal - they don't gossip behind my back; they will come to bail me out at 2 a.m.; they always remembered to ask about Mom :)
(c) They care deeply about things that are important - and not so much about the bullshit stuff
So thanks guys for being there - i an't tell you how much you mean to me, and how I wish your all your troubles and heartache would just go away down the river.
I have met and hang onto the last few years, and my Wonderful Cousins on both sides. Besides you guys. Whoo Hoo! All the rest, I wish them well. We are a rare bunch. Love you All. I have double earaches tonite, so signing out. Later, Gators.
LuvCuz
I had to share some good news with you. James came off all assistance today and is breathing on his own and is able to talk. He sounded "drunk" due to the sedation, but he is getting better!!! He wasn't quite sure at first who everyone was and I asked him "who is Diane?" He answered "My girl. I don't know where I'd be without her". It made me feel good. His son and I had such a good laugh off of his drunken talk especially when he said, "damn, that was some beer".
Have a good night my dear friends.
Love ya,
Diane
Hugs Cuz
Ted sorry to hear about your mom. Angels coming your way for the healing.
Barb, you and I have different expectations from our friends.
1.) I know better than to expect them never to lie to me. It's human nature to prevaricate or appease or flatter when put in a tight situation. If I ask if these jeans make my butt look big...it's really a plea for affirmation. I already know my butt is big, I want to be told 'how can they? your butt is not big'. I know it's a lie, but it comforts me momentarily. Or I want them to say ' it's the pockets on the back...try a pair without pockets or try a different cut. It's the southerner in me I guess. We seldom go straight at something, we will go all around the block to be polite and pleasing and then get our point across in a soft southern accent. It can be charmingly infuriating to our northern friends who are straight shooters.
2.) I expect a certain amount of loyalty, but I know it's also human nature to worry about those you care for and in that worrying women in particular tend to talk to other women. I operate on the theory that a secret told to one person is no longer a secret. I know their heart is loyal it's their mouths that spill the beans sometimes. I mostly go about like an open book so there's nothing secret to talk about. I like to spill my own beans before they get a chance to do it. Now malicious gossip I don't tolerate.That's a deal breaker. If they forget to ask about mom, I remember that I forget sometimes too.
3. I also hate the sophmoric shallow crap and prefer my friends care more about the important things. But I realize that what's important to me may not be as important to them due to life experiences or lack of such. I usually find something else in that person that draws me to them. If I can't, well there's no need to continue the friendship so I let it slip away.
I guess my main philosopy is to live and let live and forgive and pray for forgiveness. I cannot hold them to a higher standard than I in my imperfect state can attain.
I love having friends with such different personalities. What a bore it would be if all my friends were just like me. Blah! And I really love having friends all over the country and in Ireland and Italy. That is so cool! Even with our many personalities we are all going through the same situations and understand each other perfectly and not just sympathize but we truly empathize. We can almost finish each other's sentences. If I say..."oh god I got up this moring to......." any of you could finish that sentence for me. We have bonded by shared experience. And we're there for each other. You can't get much better than that.
My love to you all. I think I hit the sack now. You all will be in my prayers tonight.
Ann
Ted, sorry to hear that your Mom is in the hospital! You are both in my thoughts! Much love to you!
Christina hope your ears are on the mend! OUCH
Lilli, hang in there. Keep us posted! Been thinking about you!
Raining really hard here! Tomorrow high of 76! This is Indiana, it's supposed to be cold and snowing which it was just the other day! Have to go get some Summer clothes out! Love you all!
Ted. thinking of you tonight too. Hope your mom is not too seriously ill.
Christina, I used to put salt in a sock and heat it in the microwave and put it to my son's ears. It seemed to help some. So sorry you're in pain.
Thinking of you tonite Lilli, and you Kuli.
Hey, Annie and Rossella!
SS....hope things are getting better.
Chricket!!!! Linda!!! Jen!!!! Kim!!!!! Cuz!!!! Bobbie....miss you!! Hang in there his too shall pass.
Hey to Austin, Miz, Barb and all those I'm forgetting.
Love you all.
Ted, what's going on with your mom?
Brenda, too many things to deal with in such a short time! You are still shocked and you have to take care about your sister's craziness.
I agree with Barb, the smooth way is the best in this case. Your mother would like you wouldn't fight, I am sure. But if you can't really stand your sister talks, you could tell her. "Yes, go, speak, say whatever you want. When you have finished, I will talk and I will say to everyone that you haven't done anything for our mothers in the past 10 years!" This should stop her. This could be a solution.
Christina, I am "la signora del fuoco" really. I baked another cake tonight, in a oven which I borrowed from one of my helpers, and it is the worst cake I ever baked in my life. My mother refused it - and it says all - she eats ANY thing which is sweet. She refused my cake. But! It didn't go on fire.
Barb, I like the idea of putting all our problems in a leaf and throwing the leaf in the river. But I am afraid that every living being in the river would die immediately.....
"I've been praying for your little doggy and can only imagine how devastating this is for you who love these little creatures so much. I hope you have forgiven yourself and know that God is with him and looking after him now. I am so sorry when our beloved pets leave us and of course this kind of tragedy is unbearable please know that we are praying for you"
xoxo
-the other SS!
From about the 3rd grade I began rebelling against this, and always questioned and spoke my mind - and thus made a lot of trouble for myself.
In 3rd grade my Louisiana school (we were at Ft Polk for a time) began intergrating a small number of black students. I immediately befriended the one very tall black child placed in my class. I can still see Brenda on that first day, sitting in the back of the room, a head taller than the rest of us, dressed so much nicer than myself, every hair in place, and looking absolutely petrified. My heart went out to her. At recess I took her hand, pulled her into our games - I can still see the huge, beaming smile on her face that morning as we instantly became fast friends in the way that only young children can do.
After recess we were marched to the bathrooms to wash up for lunch. Mrs. Williams, our teacher, stood at the doorway and held me there as I made to leave until everyone else was gone. Then she closed the door and told me, mincing no words, that I was NOT to play with Brenda, nor talk to her, nor engage in any sort of friendship with her at all from that moment on. To do so would result in very, very, bad things happening to me and to my fair-haired, brilliant, practically teaching the 5th grade class older brother ( the same one making my life so miserable now). I was thus threatened by my teacher, my 'surrogate Mom' figure whom I had up to that moment absolutely adored, for befriending another child whose skin color she disapproved of.
I wish I could tell you I kicked Mrs Williams in the shins, called her a brainless bigot, and continued to play with Brenda regardless. But I didn't. I painfully, purposely, refused to look in Brenda's eyes from that moment forward. I choked on my lunch seeing her sitting at her table alone, and I ran right past her on the playground at afternoon recess as if she did not even exist. By the end of the week Brenda was no longer at our school. To this day I think about her.
Oh my I am rattling this morning when I need to be looking for work! I hope this is a good week, or as good as it can be under the circumstances, for everyone. I love you guys.
outbursts, even though I feared my Mother and Grandmother's reactions. But not enough to totally shut up. It caused them to brand me "troubled". haha. Yea, I'll show you some trouble. I was a very good girl, even in high school.
Amazing how one small, but chubby, intuitive, singing little blond girl could terrify
a room full of adults. Sigh. Gives me a lot of enjoyment thinking about it now:)
Rosella, that was a sweet message from Nancy. We certainly all join her, you know that. Ann, you are sounding very strong. Keep resting and healing:) KimBo, sending you tickles and Hugs. We Love you:) love and hugs to BJ:) where is my LindaHeart? Xo Miz, xo; Lilliput, wazzup with Mom and Bother? Cricket, chirp, chirp, watch out for low-flying songbirds. Heehe. Send me some degrees, pleeze. Cuz, Captain, Selfish Sibs, Awesome Austin, Diane, Ted: Love and
Hugs! Going to post some more recipes today. Have a good one! Christina xo
Yes, I was raised not to speak up or speak at all unless it was pleasant and it would agree with the majority.
In my family you never ever told mama the truth. She could not take it. You had to sugar coat everything. Or just not speak at all. I only started to speak my mind at 19 when I began to question my religious upbringing. My family was agast! Even tho none of them were practicing Baptisits, it was a bona fide crime to switch religions, but switch I did. I found a group who questioned and studied not traditions but truths and what the scriptures really said. So I was suddenly an outcast in my family. Some would walk out of the room when I walked in. Several times I was verbally abused by my angry abusive brother. My mother acted like she supported me, but behind my back she totally threw me under the bus. She often stirred things up more and then acted like she didn't have a clue why they were so angry with me. She would deliberately misquote me to them to make them angry, if I called to straighten it out I got cussed out. And so it went from age 19 until last year. My brother in VA has always supported me, but he was too far away to be any help. It was nice tho knowing that he didn't hate me. So I did learn to stand up for myself in what I considered the more important things. Other things I learned to pick my battles carefully because they were always so ready to go to battle with me.
I've always just naturally been accepting of other cultures and races so joining a group (Jehovah's Witnesses) who practiced what they preached about everyone being created equal was right up my alley. My children were raised color blind. They sat next to people of all races at our meetings each week and made fast friends with whoever's personality clicked with theirs, color was never even considered. That's one of the things that separated me from my family. They were for the most part bigots. They were shocked and apalled at how we lived our lives. It's interesting how now they don't seem to care about all that. Or whether I celebrate this or that holiday or not. I always feel that I'm just one comment away from getting cussed out tho. I don't trust them. I loved them thru it all, but I didn't and don't trust them to do the right thing.
Now I'm rambling. Seems to be the morning for reflecting on our past.
Hope you have a good day today. Have you tried Craigs list for employment opportunities in your area? My son was just telling me how many jobs are available in our area. He applied for several. One was for a toy assembler at Toys R Us. somebody's gotta do it.
TTYL
Ann