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Was sad and unpleasant and reeked of Ben Gay and old man urine...Mom got so tired she had to sit down several times during the dinner prep, was scary. Glad it is over. wish he was. got a note from email and a TV commercial mentioning care givers and the love from whence it springs and enjoy your loved ones before they are gone...I could have screamed....I beg God to kill ME now, I have had enough! having chest pains and light headed-ness figure if it is a heart attack so be it just let me go....40 was plenty of This life....
hope everyone's hol was better than mine and you all got some rest afterwards.
I hear you, Rip. I get a glimpse of that as I am midway, my body has been abused, feel like it's starting to age and I never felt like that before. Each day, start over, positive thoughts, moves, believe, hope. It's got to kick in one of these days. As Austin says, " you kill me, Cuz" ! Yep, good one. Heehee. Night night all you beautiful caregivers, far and wide, near and skinny. I couldn't resist. Love YOU!!! Christina xo Zzzzzzzzz
Hi everyone my son and I made a quick trip to Pittsburg to see my grand-daughter for Thanksgiveing 1,000 miles round trip went out on Wed and came back on Friday-her room-mates mother cooked the turkey and the girks did the side my son and I peeled the yams and potatoes-they did not have a peeler so it took awile with a knife -dinner was great. We did some sightseeing Thur morning since I had never been there before. We avoined the mess on the Penn turnpike by a few hrs-so were lucky. I will be leaving soon to go the the Bethleum area to see my sister amd Mom and spend some time at Kriskindlemart-my sister is a crafter. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam and ; if you mention Al Queda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.
First, Cuz, you're killin' us, as usual. Secondly, I must make a selfish statement: that I could not live without Jen or Diane, so that would equal at least minus 3. Boat needs a humongous Crew. No abandoning ship. Boat. Boat. What does the Captain say? "thinkoftheboat thinkoftheboat". Love you guys!!!!!!! WhooHoo!!!
Oh dear Jen and Diane - please don't let those ugly people take away from who you are and from all you've accomplished. Those ugly people are nothing. They are not 1/1000000th of the people you are. They are like flies needing to be swatted away from the pies. They are like those ugly and ignorant 'church' people who protest at funerals just to hear themselves talk. They are nobody. YOU are somebody. Somebody very special. What they think or say or do is nothing.
One must always stop and consider the source from whom the criticism spews. --- I haven't talked about it much but I have been 'under the gun' from my brothers since just after Moms death in September when I emailed (as the executor must) to inform them what was left of their monetary inheritance and to ask if they wished check or wire?
Both wrote wanting to know what had happened to all the money they had expected to receive - and to infer I had spent it on myself. Crazy brother even quoted me some law (or rather he thought he did).
I tried to laugh it off, but in truth my heart was crushed by their thinly veiled accusations that I had 'enriched' myself with Mom's money. My BP soared, my heart thumped mightily all the time, and my head hurt so that both husband and I feared I was either going to have a heart attack or stroke out - and all this with Mom hardly cold in her grave. And all the good counsel I sought did little to alleviate my suffering. I knew the truth. But to have my own flesh and blood accuse of me being some sort of a sneaky crook after all me and mine have been through, after all the money me and mine spent from our own pockets to care for Mom - it was just too much.
What has leveled me out is TIME. I don't think it matters all that much how smart or informed or seemingly prepared we are to deal with intense emotional pain, be it the death of someone we love, or a romantic break-up, or even losing a job unexpectedly - the one thing that seems to 'normalize' the situation is adapting to the new reality, and this takes time. This is why it's so important to get up day after day and soldier on with one foot after another. Time does not heal all wounds, but it does help one learn to live with them.
While I have known for years that my brothers could care less about their mom or me or my family, it didn't TRULY hit me until it came time to divvy up Moms money, and instead of gratitude that there was any money left after 6 yrs of caregiving - I receive the demand for MORE MONEY - AND my integrity is questioned. And me 55 an never been accused of anything worse than eating the last piece of cake . . .
Only with the passage of time have I been able to adapt to this assault, and to see it for what it is, and to internalize all the good counsel I have received.
I can't control what my wretched, guilt-ridden, ugly, greedy, cold-hearted, mean-spirited brothers say or do, I can only control how I react to it. And given the time to regain my footing from this two-tiered assault, and armed with the confidence of knowing I have truth on my side, I am determined to remain calm and level-headed in the face of it. I am a mountain of serenity. I am an ocean of peace. They are but tiny, tiny, little men and nothing they can say or do in their pettiness will affect me. They are not worth it. They are not worth my sanity and they are certainly not worth my life.
Hi girls I am happy you had more or less a happy Thanksgiving. Jen, you have such a good dark sense of humor. As you know we don't have Tksgiving here. But I had a very busy "Thanksgiving" weekend. It seems I am the only healthy person in my environment. My two helpers who are much younger than me have huge problems of health. Their children are always sick. My mother, you know how she is. So I am worried for everybody, I keep healthy because I don't give a damn about my health, I am healthy but I am completely insane. So, there is a healthy insane person (me) who has to take care of a lot of sane of mind, but physically sick people. And as they are very scared, I have to remind them to go to the doctor, to do their tests... It's such a weird situation. Christina, you can use (as a sauce for gnocchi), gorgonzola or fontina or any cheese which melts. Have you ever tried to do green gnocchi? They are spinach based, much more little than normal gnocchi, and they are delicious. I found many recipes, the problem is that I don't know which one is good...If you are interested, I can ask some people who live in Northern Italy. Hi Bobbieeeeee on the boat!
Hi everybody! Happy everybody is safe from their travels! The rain and gloom here in Indianapolis and surrounding areas can end any time now! Have a good night! Love you all! Kim
Barb, You said it very well. I just keep getting hurt continuously from my family. They have turned on me in a vicious way. The saddest part is they don't even see how cruel they are. I'm trying to tread water, but I'm getting tired of the constant pain and attacks. I'm not finding joy or purpose in this life. I am greatful James survived his heart attack, but I'm not sure why I am to suffer these attacks from my brother and sister on a regular basis. I'm very overwhelmed by the painful emotions. Tomorrow is my first day back at work in three weeks. I can imagine how overwhelming that will be too. I'll keep treading as long as I can. :(
My flower is a Hibiscus that bloomed in one of my flower pots this morning and I wanted to share it with you all.
Diane and Jen, I'm sorry you both have so much family pain. It really does suck. I know it's not easy but try to find one positive thing to think of and focus on, Lord knows you need it to keep going. If you can't think of anything then think of the love we all here have for you. We are cheering you on each day. I can tell you both that when I think of you I see two really good people caring for others when it's hard as hell. That has to go a long way! What helps me when I am hurt by the words and actions of others is to remember that the actual acts were stabbing pain and that is bad enough but when I repeat the memories over and over in my head the stabs of pain are coming no longer from them but from me. We surely can't change what others have done to us or what they do but we certainly can stop the continued pain we cause ourselves by repeating the memory of it in our heads and hearts. I don't know if this helps but I can only try to share reminders because we all need them to hang on to some sanity. Love to you both and to everyone else. *Hugs* Cricket
hey I try to help out as much as I can to lightnen up some of your dark days. luvCuz ps I talked to captain bobbie tonight and she starting to feel alot better about everything. says to say hi to everyone
Diane, you've just been through too much! I wouldn't have a hair left on my head had I gone through your last few weeks! Instead of being down on yourself, stop and consider just how strong you are. Its easy to lay down and quit - much, much harder to stand and fight - but you've done it, you're still doing it - and all of us here on the boat are cheering you on!
We really do feel your pain, we understand your tiredness and stress and heartache.We 'get' it. The siblings don't. They can't possibly know your pain.
You are a dear, precious person with a HUGE heart. Dear precious people with huge hearts are often seen as weak and vulnerable (and we all know what happens to the weak - they are attacked and eaten). But the truth is you are not weak. You have proven how strong you are in caring for others 100 times. What you must do now is carve out a little niche of caring for yourself.
Even something as small as parking far from the door at work and walking to and from it slowly each day and while doing so - put a smile on your face and repeat some positive affirmations. "I am loved. I matter to those who love me. I am strong and special and no one has the right to make me feel any other way." I KNOW it sounds cheesey - it IS cheesey! But smiling alone - a real smile - can improve your mood - saying nice things to and about yourself can improve your mood overall. And it can also improve your reactions to the negative nasties posing as family members. And if that doesn't work we'll all boat over and egg and TP their houses and leave flaming poo on their steps - now there's a great use for all the poo we are privy to. Think we could start a "flaming poo on the doorstep of nasty siblings service?"
I awoke suddenly this morning to a banging noise. I jumped out my bed and realized it was mom. I went into her room and there she is in her bed banging on the metal bedrail with a small metal flashlight. Her comment "I'm don't feel well, I'm dying". I was ready to lose it right then. It has been a month of these constant spells of weakness and her waking all hours of the night saying she is dying. She spends most of the day in bed again saying she is dying. Her blood glucose is good, her BP, and pulse rate are normal and she doesn't have a fever. Last urine test she was clear of UTI's. Does anyone have suggestions? I don't know what to do with her and the doctor doesn't have any answers either. I'm giving her 1/2 an Ativan at night trying to get her to sleep. I swear she is having panic attacks. I know exhaustion is feeding into the depression I am sinking into more and more.
Before Mom's Alz reached the point where she could no longer verbally communicate, she declared she was dying most every day. I would tell her that indeed she was dying, that we are ALL dying, but not today. Today we were were all OK. This worked for my Mom - as my 'smartass' answer was the way i had always communicated weith her - and thus it gave her a sense of normalcy (had I fawned over her at this point it might have scared her to death).
Also, If she is lucid, maybe what she needs is to talk about dying. If she is religious you could assure her that death is only a transition to a better place, and a journey we all must take. Maybe having a clergy member drop by would give her comfort. If she is not religous, she still might wish to talk about her final arrangments. Mom wanted her pink shroud! It was of the utmost importance to her to know she would be buried in that (and she was, with pink slippers to match), and to have me assure her no one would be allowed to "paint her face like a hussy" (they did not).
Seems lots of elderly folks want to talk about dying, but we don't bring it up because its too hard on us - and they don't bring it up because its too hard on us. Death becomes the elephant in the living room that no one mentions. But allowing our loved ones to talk about it - perhaps by broaching the subject in a roundabout way - may be one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
As for the noise - Mom was QUEEN of the noise. Carol Burnette Tarzan yells at 3am, 'MURDER! MURDER!" screams at all hours, "Yoo - Hoo's" and "Woo-Woo's" like a train whistle. And for a time she mocked most everything she heard us say when outside her room. (Husband and I swear we have heard Mom "woo-hooing twice since she passed). Its terribly quiet here these days.
You could wrap something around the metal bedrail to cut down the noise - Mom would beat her walker against hers. I took to turning her music (both classical , religious and soft rock) UP a little bit more when she was extremely agitated as it was more effort for her to compete to be heard. For a long period we even kept the door to her room closed and and old sleeping bag hung in front of it - husband and I worked on the floor above her room and she was SO loud customers could hear her on the phone! (Husband told folks she was our collections department)
Boredom could be a factor. Could you change her room up a bit? We moved Moms bed often to give her different views. Thumbtacking old quilts or shower curtains on the wall add color at no cost (and the shower curtains will also help protevct walls from thrown food).
When moms TV was on we kept it turned to childrens shows like Dora the Explorer or Sesame Street. Weather channel was great til they started showing all the tornado and fire shows which terrified her. The golf channel I've found overall to be the best thing for quiet talk and benign images.
NONE of the anti-anxiety meds we used for Mom ever worked - nor did my initial OTC attempts with benadryl or sleep aids (before I knew better about the dangers of these products and stopped them).
Aromatherapy with soothing scents like lavendar DID help quiet her. GNC sells a spray that heped with my sleep and hers. I also burned incense (placed out of reach) as that smell lingered for a long time. (Candles can be dangerous and are so expensive and I find the scent of plug-ins and stand alones too strong).
Some folks with dementia do become extremely agitated near end of life. Mom certainly did. I thought it was just her acting out. I didn't know. --- Yak yak yak - anything to keep from paying the bill, right? Love you guys
Thanks for the suggestions. Mom sleeps through most television. She does love the weather channel, but then panics because no matter where the weather is occuring she thinks it is where she is located. I'm waiting for the primary care physician to call me with the appointment time for the cardiologist. They haven't gotten her report from the 24 hour monitor yet.
I have asked my mom if she is afraid of dying and I know she wants to be buried next to my dad. I really have never asked her specifics. The pastor came by and spoke with me and mom. I am sinking so deep in the black hole that its scary. Im sometimes afraid I'll never get out of it.
I'm also feeling trapped. What if this is the next stage in her dementia? How do I carry on? My brother and sister were freaking out over an additional $200 per month. Can you imagine if it is $1000 a month for a NH?
Flex I am so sorry things are going so badly for you -if your Mom has to go in a nursing home would she be able to be on medicade-it would be based on her assests so your siblings would not have anything to say about it unless they want her to live with them-maybe you can suggest that to them and see what their reaction will be. You should not have to endanger your health to care for her-I am worried about you and wish I could help you in some way.
hi you all ! missing u guys over the weekend . thought of you guys too . flex , im sorry about ur mom . it is scary , as mariesmom explained sounds so true . my pa sounds like what ur mom is going thru , but he doesnt make noises anymore . just lays there and whines when he needs something . spoke german all day today . i caught some of what he said and figured it out . one thing at a time , one day at a time too . dad has been acting like he s dying for the lasr 3 or 4 years , here lately it seems like he s on his way out . gurgglin in his throat , coughin trying to get thick soild mucus out it wont come out , this year it seems like a sad times , watching our parent go down hill slowly , its all in the lords hands , all we can do is suffer the heart aches . big hugs to u flex .... went on a roadtrip :-) and i met our captain :-) , had a wonderful time meowin with her . love that cousin vinney train ! lol . i love her kitty ! that kitty has a hellva sweet personality . shes a doll !! bobbie and kitty are so lucky to have eachother . sunday came and i was not ready to leave , it was a quickie short vacation . damn it ! time just went zoomin by ! i lost a day somewhere cuz i swore its only sat , nope its sunday . waaaaaa .... sis in law went with me and she indeed had a wonderful time , she loves it too . i would like to go back one day and spend more time with bobbie . shes a pleasure to be with and yes she made a damn good coffee too !!! thanks bobbie ! my body is out of whack . im cold and tired and yes kimmy this weather sucks ! on the way back home we ran into rain in gergoria somewhere rainned all the way home , poured too . it was beautiful where bobbie was at . i freaked out sat morn when i opene dthe boat door to sit outside to smoke and slurp coffee , i could not believe its warm outside !!! i was thinkin that im steppin out in the garage and be cold , oh noo it was soo warm outside , i had to laugh , strange feelin to be in a warmer state when i expected that it be cold out . it was a great feeling ! ok wheres that snow at ? its suppose to be comin here soon . guess ill suffer for 4 mos of this cold . christina _ are u and hubby getting over the colds yet ? hope so . wheres annt ? miz ? everybody too . lili ? ok i best get off here and find something to fix for pa to eat , i didnt fix supper i had to go lay down . tmr i shall get back into the routine , goodnight u all , love ya !! xoxo
Hi Gang, Busy bee today out of the house. Sorry for your angst, Diane, but MSM gave good sisterly advice. Don't you Love the Sisters we have on the Boat? Makes it all worthwhile:) almost. Moving forward...Where is our little Cricket today? Chirp, chirp... Cuz, your jokes are getting more and more risqué. Haha. Gee, Don't! Stop! Don't stop. Hahaha!!!! Come on back, everyone, and check in with the Crew who Loves you:) hugs, xo
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ? A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby? A. Sum Ting Wong.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,...'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States
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I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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hope everyone's hol was better than mine and you all got some rest afterwards.
Night night all you beautiful caregivers, far and wide, near and skinny. I couldn't resist. Love YOU!!! Christina xo Zzzzzzzzz
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap....
The psychiatrist says,
‘Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
Health tip
If you can't afford a doctor,
go to an airport - you'll get a
free x-ray and a breast exam
and ; if you mention Al Queda,
you'll get a free colonoscopy.
I'm still alive. I'm sharing Jen's feeling that I've had enough of this life. Still dealing with the ugliness from family members.
Heartfelt hugs to you all.
Love,
Diane
One must always stop and consider the source from whom the criticism spews.
---
I haven't talked about it much but I have been 'under the gun' from my brothers since just after Moms death in September when I emailed (as the executor must) to inform them what was left of their monetary inheritance and to ask if they wished check or wire?
Both wrote wanting to know what had happened to all the money they had expected to receive - and to infer I had spent it on myself. Crazy brother even quoted me some law (or rather he thought he did).
I tried to laugh it off, but in truth my heart was crushed by their thinly veiled accusations that I had 'enriched' myself with Mom's money. My BP soared, my heart thumped mightily all the time, and my head hurt so that both husband and I feared I was either going to have a heart attack or stroke out - and all this with Mom hardly cold in her grave. And all the good counsel I sought did little to alleviate my suffering. I knew the truth. But to have my own flesh and blood accuse of me being some sort of a sneaky crook after all me and mine have been through, after all the money me and mine spent from our own pockets to care for Mom - it was just too much.
What has leveled me out is TIME. I don't think it matters all that much how smart or informed or seemingly prepared we are to deal with intense emotional pain, be it the death of someone we love, or a romantic break-up, or even losing a job unexpectedly - the one thing that seems to 'normalize' the situation is adapting to the new reality, and this takes time. This is why it's so important to get up day after day and soldier on with one foot after another. Time does not heal all wounds, but it does help one learn to live with them.
While I have known for years that my brothers could care less about their mom or me or my family, it didn't TRULY hit me until it came time to divvy up Moms money, and instead of gratitude that there was any money left after 6 yrs of caregiving - I receive the demand for MORE MONEY - AND my integrity is questioned. And me 55 an never been accused of anything worse than eating the last piece of cake . . .
Only with the passage of time have I been able to adapt to this assault, and to see it for what it is, and to internalize all the good counsel I have received.
I can't control what my wretched, guilt-ridden, ugly, greedy, cold-hearted, mean-spirited brothers say or do, I can only control how I react to it. And given the time to regain my footing from this two-tiered assault, and armed with the confidence of knowing I have truth on my side, I am determined to remain calm and level-headed in the face of it. I am a mountain of serenity. I am an ocean of peace. They are but tiny, tiny, little men and nothing they can say or do in their pettiness will affect me. They are not worth it. They are not worth my sanity and they are certainly not worth my life.
Jen, you have such a good dark sense of humor.
As you know we don't have Tksgiving here. But I had a very busy "Thanksgiving" weekend. It seems I am the only healthy person in my environment. My two helpers who are much younger than me have huge problems of health. Their children are always sick. My mother, you know how she is. So I am worried for everybody, I keep healthy because I don't give a damn about my health, I am healthy but I am completely insane. So, there is a healthy insane person (me) who has to take care of a lot of sane of mind, but physically sick people. And as they are very scared, I have to remind them to go to the doctor, to do their tests...
It's such a weird situation.
Christina, you can use (as a sauce for gnocchi), gorgonzola or fontina or any cheese which melts. Have you ever tried to do green gnocchi? They are spinach based, much more little than normal gnocchi, and they are delicious. I found many recipes, the problem is that I don't know which one is good...If you are interested, I can ask some people who live in Northern Italy.
Hi Bobbieeeeee on the boat!
You said it very well. I just keep getting hurt continuously from my family. They have turned on me in a vicious way. The saddest part is they don't even see how cruel they are. I'm trying to tread water, but I'm getting tired of the constant pain and attacks. I'm not finding joy or purpose in this life. I am greatful James survived his heart attack, but I'm not sure why I am to suffer these attacks from my brother and sister on a regular basis. I'm very overwhelmed by the painful emotions. Tomorrow is my first day back at work in three weeks. I can imagine how overwhelming that will be too. I'll keep treading as long as I can. :(
My flower is a Hibiscus that bloomed in one of my flower pots this morning and I wanted to share it with you all.
Diane and Jen, I'm sorry you both have so much family pain. It really does suck. I know it's not easy but try to find one positive thing to think of and focus on, Lord knows you need it to keep going. If you can't think of anything then think of the love we all here have for you. We are cheering you on each day. I can tell you both that when I think of you I see two really good people caring for others when it's hard as hell. That has to go a long way! What helps me when I am hurt by the words and actions of others is to remember that the actual acts were stabbing pain and that is bad enough but when I repeat the memories over and over in my head the stabs of pain are coming no longer from them but from me. We surely can't change what others have done to us or what they do but we certainly can stop the continued pain we cause ourselves by repeating the memory of it in our heads and hearts. I don't know if this helps but I can only try to share reminders because we all need them to hang on to some sanity. Love to you both and to everyone else. *Hugs* Cricket
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a
woman and ordered a glass of champagne..
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just
ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special
day for me.... I am celebrating'
This is a special day for me too, I am also
celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked
glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and
today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken
farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all
laying fertilized eggs.'
That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens
become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
luvCuz
ps I talked to captain bobbie tonight and she starting to feel alot better about everything. says to say hi to everyone
We really do feel your pain, we understand your tiredness and stress and heartache.We 'get' it. The siblings don't. They can't possibly know your pain.
You are a dear, precious person with a HUGE heart. Dear precious people with huge hearts are often seen as weak and vulnerable (and we all know what happens to the weak - they are attacked and eaten). But the truth is you are not weak. You have proven how strong you are in caring for others 100 times. What you must do now is carve out a little niche of caring for yourself.
Even something as small as parking far from the door at work and walking to and from it slowly each day and while doing so - put a smile on your face and repeat some positive affirmations. "I am loved. I matter to those who love me. I am strong and special and no one has the right to make me feel any other way." I KNOW it sounds cheesey - it IS cheesey! But smiling alone - a real smile - can improve your mood - saying nice things to and about yourself can improve your mood overall. And it can also improve your reactions to the negative nasties posing as family members. And if that doesn't work we'll all boat over and egg and TP their houses and leave flaming poo on their steps - now there's a great use for all the poo we are privy to. Think we could start a "flaming poo on the doorstep of nasty siblings service?"
Hang in there Diane. This too shall pass.
Also, If she is lucid, maybe what she needs is to talk about dying. If she is religious you could assure her that death is only a transition to a better place, and a journey we all must take. Maybe having a clergy member drop by would give her comfort. If she is not religous, she still might wish to talk about her final arrangments. Mom wanted her pink shroud! It was of the utmost importance to her to know she would be buried in that (and she was, with pink slippers to match), and to have me assure her no one would be allowed to "paint her face like a hussy" (they did not).
Seems lots of elderly folks want to talk about dying, but we don't bring it up because its too hard on us - and they don't bring it up because its too hard on us. Death becomes the elephant in the living room that no one mentions. But allowing our loved ones to talk about it - perhaps by broaching the subject in a roundabout way - may be one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
As for the noise - Mom was QUEEN of the noise. Carol Burnette Tarzan yells at 3am, 'MURDER! MURDER!" screams at all hours, "Yoo - Hoo's" and "Woo-Woo's" like a train whistle. And for a time she mocked most everything she heard us say when outside her room. (Husband and I swear we have heard Mom "woo-hooing twice since she passed). Its terribly quiet here these days.
You could wrap something around the metal bedrail to cut down the noise - Mom would beat her walker against hers. I took to turning her music (both classical , religious and soft rock) UP a little bit more when she was extremely agitated as it was more effort for her to compete to be heard. For a long period we even kept the door to her room closed and and old sleeping bag hung in front of it - husband and I worked on the floor above her room and she was SO loud customers could hear her on the phone! (Husband told folks she was our collections department)
Boredom could be a factor. Could you change her room up a bit? We moved Moms bed often to give her different views. Thumbtacking old quilts or shower curtains on the wall add color at no cost (and the shower curtains will also help protevct walls from thrown food).
When moms TV was on we kept it turned to childrens shows like Dora the Explorer or Sesame Street. Weather channel was great til they started showing all the tornado and fire shows which terrified her. The golf channel I've found overall to be the best thing for quiet talk and benign images.
NONE of the anti-anxiety meds we used for Mom ever worked - nor did my initial OTC attempts with benadryl or sleep aids (before I knew better about the dangers of these products and stopped them).
Aromatherapy with soothing scents like lavendar DID help quiet her. GNC sells a spray that heped with my sleep and hers. I also burned incense (placed out of reach) as that smell lingered for a long time. (Candles can be dangerous and are so expensive and I find the scent of plug-ins and stand alones too strong).
Some folks with dementia do become extremely agitated near end of life. Mom certainly did. I thought it was just her acting out. I didn't know.
---
Yak yak yak - anything to keep from paying the bill, right? Love you guys
Thanks for the suggestions. Mom sleeps through most television. She does love the weather channel, but then panics because no matter where the weather is occuring she thinks it is where she is located. I'm waiting for the primary care physician to call me with the appointment time for the cardiologist. They haven't gotten her report from the 24 hour monitor yet.
I have asked my mom if she is afraid of dying and I know she wants to be buried next to my dad. I really have never asked her specifics. The pastor came by and spoke with me and mom. I am sinking so deep in the black hole that its scary. Im sometimes afraid I'll never get out of it.
I'm also feeling trapped. What if this is the next stage in her dementia? How do I carry on? My brother and sister were freaking out over an additional $200 per month. Can you imagine if it is $1000 a month for a NH?
Mom calling, gotta go.
flex , im sorry about ur mom . it is scary , as mariesmom explained sounds so true .
my pa sounds like what ur mom is going thru , but he doesnt make noises anymore . just lays there and whines when he needs something . spoke german all day today . i caught some of what he said and figured it out . one thing at a time , one day at a time too . dad has been acting like he s dying for the lasr 3 or 4 years , here lately it seems like he s on his way out . gurgglin in his throat , coughin trying to get thick soild mucus out it wont come out ,
this year it seems like a sad times , watching our parent go down hill slowly , its all in the lords hands , all we can do is suffer the heart aches . big hugs to u flex ....
went on a roadtrip :-) and i met our captain :-) , had a wonderful time meowin with her . love that cousin vinney train ! lol . i love her kitty ! that kitty has a hellva sweet personality . shes a doll !! bobbie and kitty are so lucky to have eachother . sunday came and i was not ready to leave , it was a quickie short vacation . damn it ! time just went zoomin by ! i lost a day somewhere cuz i swore its only sat , nope its sunday . waaaaaa .... sis in law went with me and she indeed had a wonderful time , she loves it too . i would like to go back one day and spend more time with bobbie . shes a pleasure to be with and yes she made a damn good coffee too !!! thanks bobbie !
my body is out of whack . im cold and tired and yes kimmy this weather sucks ! on the way back home we ran into rain in gergoria somewhere rainned all the way home , poured too . it was beautiful where bobbie was at . i freaked out sat morn when i opene dthe boat door to sit outside to smoke and slurp coffee , i could not believe its warm outside !!! i was thinkin that im steppin out in the garage and be cold , oh noo it was soo warm outside , i had to laugh , strange feelin to be in a warmer state when i expected that it be cold out . it was a great feeling ! ok wheres that snow at ? its suppose to be comin here soon . guess ill suffer for 4 mos of this cold .
christina _ are u and hubby getting over the colds yet ? hope so .
wheres annt ? miz ? everybody too . lili ?
ok i best get off here and find something to fix for pa to eat , i didnt fix supper i had to go lay down . tmr i shall get back into the routine , goodnight u all , love ya !! xoxo
Busy bee today out of the house. Sorry for your angst, Diane, but MSM gave good sisterly advice. Don't you Love the Sisters we have on the Boat? Makes it all worthwhile:) almost. Moving forward...Where is our little Cricket today? Chirp, chirp... Cuz, your jokes are getting more and more risqué. Haha. Gee, Don't! Stop! Don't stop. Hahaha!!!!
Come on back, everyone, and check in with the Crew who Loves you:) hugs, xo
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,...'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States