Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Hear, Hear, Rossella!! It's pathetic. I should not speak against a close relative by marriage, ahem, but when the Father died, the 3 brothers gathered around the open casket for photographs. I resort to Eww! Ew!! Why?!?! Let's bring out, instead, his photo as a young man in uniform, smiling and proud. Some are more evolved than others. I swear, I will light my own funeral pyre if I have to. Throw me the torch, Jeanette Isabela! Or however it goes. Lalalalala! Bring the torch, is the correct request, and the name is: Rossella Bella! Whoo Hoo! Xoxo
Petty and controlling. Within reason, (see rules for disposal by state) people should have say in the disposal of their earthly remains...That was just un-fair and snotty! Hi dee ho from Spokane. 19 degrees here, but sun was out...
This is kind of a long one so I hope you won't mind but I thought it was kind of interesting. LovCuz
Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee....You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word... In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.' 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?' Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. 'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!
Cuz ~ I love the carrot, egg and coffee story. A counselor used a similar, albeit shorter, allegory when I questioned how my two children turned out so completely different even though raised in the same environment by the same parent. "The same boiling water that hard boils the egg also softens the carrot." I like your story better, because it's much more in depth and brings in the coffee effect.
Good morning from gloomy western PA. We've had rain for 24 hours and expect snow later in the day and over night. yuk.
Cuz, thanks for the egg, carrot and coffee story. Cricket and Christina, you are both so inspiring here.
The final arrangement line has been fun, thought provoking and inspiriing. You guys are one heck of a group. Someone should write a screen play: the community with all of the underlying stories and bylines would make a great relevant made for tv movie, don't you think?
In fact, it could be a tv series. There's enough material here for years of air time filled with life lessons, laughter, drama and real raw emotion. Not reality tv, mind you. More like Hallmark stories. Any writers onboard?
The VN's will stop seeing Mom next week I was told last night. Do you believe this: at 10:20 last night Mom's case manager from the medical in home service called. "No emergency", she said, "I just wanted to talk with you."
The gist of the conversation "Your Mom is a difficult case. One minute she's right on target and the next she's saying she has to get dinner made for her husband and kids". (Like I haven't told her this before?) Then she proceeded to tell me she hates to close Mom's case because she doesn't want to leave her alone and I should move her in with me. The rest of the lecture was intended to invoke guilt.
Well, that was a wasted hour of my life and her breath. I don't feel guilty and I want to thank all of your for giving me the gifts of your experience, insights, comfort and support. Without you I would likely have had a sleepless night and be feeling really crappy right now.
Instead, I slept well with a resolve to have a family conference call with my siblings after I've firmed up some information and ideas. It will take me some time to get there, I'm sure.
To all of our new friends, this is the power and strenght you can draw from the venting, sharing and support you will find here. A few months ago, I might have folded in tears after last night's phone conversation. I know I have some difficult discussions with my siblings ahead of me, but, heck, I have you to vent with!
Love the lyrics, Christina! You are a hoot! Love and (((huts))) to all of you! Bee
Hang in there Bee...those "administrative" types gall me sometimes...they really are not there to help, they just want to "school" you about the things they think you should be doing. btw, ALL seniors are "difficult"....if they were easy, you wouldn't need their help. Gawd!!! (THEY would never take on this responsibiity themselves...in fact, I have never met a doctor or med. person who was a caregiver...no empathy.) If you think your Mom needs more care, contact her doctor and have him/her extend her care. If you do not like the care this company provides, find another. Really! who does that case manager think she is? I had one awful Medicare in-home group who sent the most under-trained staff, then asked how often I was there to look in on my Mom. I told them that was none of their business and that they needed to provide all the care that Medicare offers...it is a benefit, not a gift! I fired them. The next group was great...I learned quickly that not all in-home care or hospice groups are created equally. The family meeting is an excellent idea. Do not take on any of this responsibility before you are satisfied with the results. Remember, that everyone makes promises at first...follow through is another matter. good luck Lilli "huts" to you too.... "o)
I noticed several folks asking about how to go about creating POAs. It really is not that difficult.
You can see an attorney and have them do it. The cost can be anywhere from a few hundred dollars and up. If you choose this route, find an attorney who specializes in edler law.
I just went online and found a great site that allows you to download the forms (this is what your attorney does too....they are all standardized.) The site I used was called, Legacy Writers. What I liked about this site is that they have updated forms, by state. You can make as many copies as you like and they store your info. for later use or if you need to make changes. It took me just a few minutes and was MUCH less expensive.
You will need two different forms: a medical POA and a financial POA. Either way, make several "official" copies. Some doctor's offices or hospitals want originals.
Also, each state has it's own "filing" requirements, some have none. This information is on the website too.
I carried a copy of Mom's Medical POA just in case of emergencies.
POAs give you no legal power to make any decisions outside of what you and your parent have agreed upon. They are enacted when the parent is incapacitated in anyway. There are two kinds: one with an unlimited time frame and another that says that the POA cannot be used until the parent is incapable of making sound decisions.
Carolyn, you already knew that your mother needs help. The problem is to convince her to accept it. But the most important thing is that someone started to stay with her.... It's the first step. Bit by bit, she will accept more hours of company. It's a very good idea to talk with your siblings. Every important decision has to be made together with them, so that in the future they won't blame you for anything that they had not approved... Christina, people who take pictures of their relatives when they are dead, they are not uncommon. I think it's awful and I am lucky I always manage to forget the image of my loved ones, dead. I always remember them alive! Selective memory.
Hut one, hut two, fall in line, Lilli. Give me 20 push ups. Oops. Have to put my iPhone away or get points off. Heehee. Oh, I'm doing research, Professor.
Cricket -good for you learning new stuff keeps us young I sit near ladies in their 90's at our senior center and am amazed at what they do-once at a celebration the oldest person at each table was going to get a prize and a lady at my table waved her hand and I though the nerve of her so I asked her how old she was and almost fained when she said 92 and the man next to her was 91. Bee did you know case managers are not social workers at my hospital they are RN's who choose not to get degrees and instead of letting them go they reward them with the job a social workers should be hired to do but are cheaper-my old care monster I mean manager refused to go back to school so they gave her a job of case manager-I would tell that company you want to talk to a social worker not a nurse or as suggested go to another company-at least now you have knowledge of how things are not suppose to be done.
It's very annoying when the so called professionals have to be told how to do their jobs! Bee, see if you can hire someone different, perhaps you can convince your siblings to all join forces to bully/make your Mom accept help, that way it's not all your doing... BEEcareful not to take it all on yourself because they are hesitant, if you can throw a fit and tell them you demand them to share the responsibility, you can do it! Whatever happens you know we are here for you.
ps. Bee, before you meet with the sibs, make out a list to itemize the tasks then leave a space for a name to be written next to it. go over your list then after explaining simply ask okay who will do this? go down the list and make sure everyone is doing something... maybe this will help. :)
Bee ~ I think the TV series or a stage play is great. Look how well Steel Magnolias did. We should give some thought to which actress should play each of us. I'd say Olivia Dukakis should play Christina, except it's redundant from Steel Magnolias, and she's too old. Right off the top of my head I want Valerie Bertinelli to play me, but more realistically, maybe Kathy Bates.
Lilliput ~ Do I ever know you you mean about clueless professionals. Alan had a speech therapist that was focused on Alan's making a calendar and having a reality of the day of the week "so he can make his own appointments and help pay bills". He didn't even know how to dial a phone, didn't know his doctors' names, sometimes didn't even believe he was in his own house...well, you get the picture.
Gotta get going to an appointment with the chiropracter. I've been going since Alan was hospitalized the day before Thanksgiving. My back, arms and shoulders were so tense and out of whack from fistycuffs with Alan that there's still a long way to go before I'm "fixed". I've gotta get better before Alan's discharged.
Thanks, guys. I needed the laughs today, too. And thanks for the affirmation. You are ALL responsible for my calmer demeanor today.
Oh.... and there has been a real physical difference in me since starting here. Today, my blood pressure was normal for the first time in a looooonnnngggg time. Okay, we've made some dietary adjustment (I lost 3 lbs because I'm eating better). But I'm really sure this crew is helping me manage my stress level. So, my heart thanks you in so many ways!
Today I began looking into Assisted Living facilities for Mom. It's just for the information at this point as I have a whole lot more to do - including make an agenda for my silbling meeting. This is going to take a while. I'm grateful for the insights I find here. Thanks everyone! Big Shitofrantic huts to everyone! - rofl - Love you all! Bee
Sheila: I have seen it all with the docs. My favorite was wanting my Mom, who is 84 and can barely walk, to come for weekly visits...or the lovely front office staff who would not refill her Rx for a UTI because the "doctor had to see her." When I told one young woman about Mom's challenges of getting to a doctor's office, she told me to "call an ambulance" to transport her. We moved on. It isn't that there are no compassionate medical professionals out there, it is just that we have to wade through all the jerks before we find them...then, they are usually booked up. Btw, have you spoken with directors at your local ALFs? I ask this because my friend's Mom, whose income could not cover the fees, qualified for Medicaid. They set aside so many rooms. Or sometimes they accept the income the resident has as payment. Bottom line, is that they want to fill rooms. If you haven't already, it may be worth speaking with the ALF and see if they have any such programs. Speak with the director, NOT the sales person who will promise you anything. Good luck. Also, if your husband is in severe enough physical and mental condition, he may qualify for hospice. You do not have to be in the end stages of life to receive care. There are 7 or so ailments that qualify. Again, call a good hospice and speak with the director. You need a big ol break. good luck
Bee: glad that coming here has lowered your BP...we'll send you the bill... :o) It just takes a little humor once and awhile (dark humor too)...and knowing that you are not alone.
Lilli ~ Is the info about ALFs directed to me, or is there a member with the name Btw? If it's for me, it's easier for a single person to find ALFs and NHs, because they are the only ones depending on their income. For couples, total income is considered, and the remaining spouse is usually left with an insufficient amount to live on. As far as hospice, it's my understanding that the patient and doctors have to sign off that the patient is expected to not live past six months and will receive palliative care only, and that's not the case with Alan.
SHEIL I have heard that most hospics companies do not require a person to be end of life to get help-my friend got help while her Mom was in a NH because of her age -it might stop after 6 months but can be restarted again usually as often as needed and they will send aides for ADL's like bathing helping with meals. There are great Hospices and not so great ones but usually more than one company in an area so check around and let us know how it goes so you will help others who have the same problems.
Hi girls and Cuz, Is home health nurse the same as hospice? One comes to see my Mother twice a week for wound care. That is one requirement. Yesterday I noticed that my Mother's legs have no more muscle tone. I can't believe it. The last PT came twice a week for a month, got her standing, but she cannot move her feet anymore. She says, OK, then message is not getting from brain to legs:( but, she is enjoying our daily walks and songfest. Difficult to get info back to me from caregivers-- I have to call nurse who gives me report. I think she is efficient. I notice the caregivers are a little jumpy when I come over now, as the other day they wanted to show me fungus on her foot. I said, where is the bottle of cider vinegar I brought over here with her? I took care of her so well. They are not that busy over there, but as with some, guess they don't want to work as hard as we do. Wish I had the money I pay them every month, and wish they understood when I ask them to do a couple of simple things for her. I am there every day. Once in a while they have a hectic moment, but not very often. Well, I feel I am doing the best I can with everything that we have gone through. No regrets. Hey Sheila! Geeze, how old do you think I am?! Olympia Dukakis? Please, I'm a Conservative, and a very young 60, which I believe we call "40" now. I will have to watch the movie, as I am not familiar with her character. Maybe it was a compliment? It was one of those hyped cult classics that I avoid until the glamor wears off. Guess that would be now, since mine has worn off, too. I didn't see ET until 1996. Haha. I'm a rebel. Love you all. Construction still going on and it is a mess. Lovely day outside, however, and no school today, so I'm off to the bridle trail. Ttyl. Xo
Sheila: The one thing I learned long ago about caregiving is to never take "no" for an answer. When I started looking into ALFs for Mom, I started on the Internet...you can tell a lot about a company by their website. I narrowed the list down to 5. Then I made a list of all the care Mom would need. I called the ALFs and asked to speak with the directors - not the sales staff. You can glean a lot of information by the tone of voice and how willing they are to work with you. I narrowed the list to 3 and had family and friends make a visit. We all settled on the same place. This ALF charges by the room. If is spouse is joining the resident, there is a slight increase. They set aside rooms for Medicaid as well. They worked with me in regard to Mom's income and their yearly increases are very reasonable. The director was very "hands on" which helped because she visited all the residents and knew what was going on in the entire facility. My friend's Mom is planning on living at the same ALF. I was surprised that they worked with her because she has no assets and very little income. But, as I said before, if the directors are good at what they do, they want to fill rooms and will work with you. Same with hospice. Another friend told me that his Gma had been in hospice for two years before she passed. If you go online you will find a list of "qualifying" illnesses. As 195Austin mentioned, hospice rules are more inclusive now and are just not for end of life issues. Again, ask around and get a referral to a good hospice then call the director. (Doctors know very little about this process, or they will send you to the one associated with the hospital...not always the best choice.) The director will let you know if your hub would qualify. If he/she thinks he will, they will send him to their doctor who knows more about qualifying. You are right about palliative care...but that includes a lot: personal care aides, PTs (for mobility), RXs, medical supplies, etc. They will bring all the equipment that is needed for care to your home. I think the reasoning is: why place someone in the hospital or in a NH if they can be taken care of at home with a little help. Makes sense to me. My grandfather used to say, "it doesn't hurt to ask." If you do not get the answers you need at one place, try the next. So much of caregiving is "foot work" and tracking down services. Write to me on my wall if you need more info. (also, is you hub a veteran?) Good luck, Lilli
Hi gals I read with interest all your solutions to Sheila's problem... I am sorry I can't say anything because the reality is very different here in Italy. Does anyone have news about Lindaheart? I am worried...
Lilliput and other sweeties that have responded re hospice for my husband ~ First of all, thanks for your input and concern. I've researched online info on hospice relative to Medicare's coverage. Here's the basics:
Medicare covers: physicians’ services, nursing care (intermittent with 24-hour on call), medical appliances and supplies related to the terminal illness, outpatient drugs for symptom management and pain relief, short-term acute inpatient care, including respite care, home health aide and homemaker services, physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech/language pathology services, medical social services, and counseling, including dietary and spiritual counseling.
Who is eligible? Hospice care is available under Medicare only if:
The patient is eligible for Medicare Hospital Insurance (Part A); The patient’s doctor and the hospice medical director certify that the patient is terminally ill with six months or less to live if the disease runs its expected course. The patient signs a statement choosing hospice care instead of standard Medicare benefits for the terminal illness; The patient receives care from a Medicare-approved hospice program.
At this point, hospice isn't appropriate for my husband. He's nowhere near death--except of course by my hand when I'm ready to kill him! Physically he's somewhat mobile and improving, but his mind is somewhere in la-la land. But a for instance about not being allowed curative care under hospice is that he has an appointment with a cardiac surgeon about opening up one of his clogged carotid arteries, which is not something that would be possible under hospice.
Christina ~ Home health care and hospice are different programs. Read what I wrote the Lilliput about hospice. Home health care is provided for your mom because of the wound care. My husband wouldn't be eligible for long-term home health care, because he has no medical issue. He did, however, have physical, occupational and speech therapy, along with a visiting nurse and aide for personal grooming (baths) when he was released from rehab. Patients can take advantage of that benefit as long as they are making progress. My husband had reached a plateau, so that benefit was about to end when he had this last stroke.
As long as there is no medical issue, such as broken hip or wound, the journey goes;
*Taken to ER because of stroke. *Admitted to ICU *Moved to regular unit for a few days *Moved to NH rehab for max of 100 days *If patient can be taken care of at home, discharged to home with home health care as described above until max recovery reached. *If family can't take care of patient at home, NH placement, paid by Medicare or self-pay *If family can't meet Medicare eligibility or doesn't have money for self-pay, patient/family is shit out of luck.
Now...that topic depresses me. Moving on.
Christina ~ I think Dukakis was about 60 when the movie was made, but anyway you notice I amended my comment by noting that she's too old. In the movie, she's feisty and quick-witted like you. Never mind. It was a bad idea. She was also cantankerous, which certainly isn't you.
Lilliput ~ You also asked if Alan is a vet. He is, but, there again, we don't meet the income eligibility. We're certainly not rolling in dough, but Medicare and the VA set the bar pretty low. They aren't programs for the middle class.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Thank you, Sheila. We shall not live in vain, dear one.
{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}
Hi dee ho from Spokane. 19 degrees here, but sun was out...
LovCuz
Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee....You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen.. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word...
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!
Happy New Year to all.
Cuz, thanks for the egg, carrot and coffee story. Cricket and Christina, you are both so inspiring here.
The final arrangement line has been fun, thought provoking and inspiriing. You guys are one heck of a group. Someone should write a screen play: the community with all of the underlying stories and bylines would make a great relevant made for tv movie, don't you think?
In fact, it could be a tv series. There's enough material here for years of air time filled with life lessons, laughter, drama and real raw emotion. Not reality tv, mind you. More like Hallmark stories. Any writers onboard?
The VN's will stop seeing Mom next week I was told last night. Do you believe this: at 10:20 last night Mom's case manager from the medical in home service called. "No emergency", she said, "I just wanted to talk with you."
The gist of the conversation "Your Mom is a difficult case. One minute she's right on target and the next she's saying she has to get dinner made for her husband and kids". (Like I haven't told her this before?) Then she proceeded to tell me she hates to close Mom's case because she doesn't want to leave her alone and I should move her in with me. The rest of the lecture was intended to invoke guilt.
Well, that was a wasted hour of my life and her breath. I don't feel guilty and I want to thank all of your for giving me the gifts of your experience, insights, comfort and support. Without you I would likely have had a sleepless night and be feeling really crappy right now.
Instead, I slept well with a resolve to have a family conference call with my siblings after I've firmed up some information and ideas. It will take me some time to get there, I'm sure.
To all of our new friends, this is the power and strenght you can draw from the venting, sharing and support you will find here. A few months ago, I might have folded in tears after last night's phone conversation. I know I have some difficult discussions with my siblings ahead of me, but, heck, I have you to vent with!
Love the lyrics, Christina! You are a hoot!
Love and (((huts))) to all of you! Bee
The family meeting is an excellent idea. Do not take on any of this responsibility before you are satisfied with the results. Remember, that everyone makes promises at first...follow through is another matter.
good luck
Lilli
"huts" to you too.... "o)
I noticed several folks asking about how to go about creating POAs. It really is not that difficult.
You can see an attorney and have them do it. The cost can be anywhere from a few hundred dollars and up. If you choose this route, find an attorney who specializes in edler law.
I just went online and found a great site that allows you to download the forms (this is what your attorney does too....they are all standardized.) The site I used was called, Legacy Writers. What I liked about this site is that they have updated forms, by state. You can make as many copies as you like and they store your info. for later use or if you need to make changes. It took me just a few minutes and was MUCH less expensive.
You will need two different forms: a medical POA and a financial POA. Either way, make several "official" copies. Some doctor's offices or hospitals want originals.
Also, each state has it's own "filing" requirements, some have none. This information is on the website too.
I carried a copy of Mom's Medical POA just in case of emergencies.
POAs give you no legal power to make any decisions outside of what you and your parent have agreed upon. They are enacted when the parent is incapacitated in anyway. There are two kinds: one with an unlimited time frame and another that says that the POA cannot be used until the parent is incapable of making sound decisions.
And that's about it....nothing scary.
Christina, people who take pictures of their relatives when they are dead, they are not uncommon. I think it's awful and I am lucky I always manage to forget the image of my loved ones, dead. I always remember them alive! Selective memory.
It's very annoying when the so called professionals have to be told how to do their jobs! Bee, see if you can hire someone different, perhaps you can convince your siblings to all join forces to bully/make your Mom accept help, that way it's not all your doing... BEEcareful not to take it all on yourself because they are hesitant, if you can throw a fit and tell them you demand them to share the responsibility, you can do it! Whatever happens you know we are here for you.
Kimmy, what's going on today? talk to us :)
Lilliput ~ Do I ever know you you mean about clueless professionals. Alan had a speech therapist that was focused on Alan's making a calendar and having a reality of the day of the week "so he can make his own appointments and help pay bills". He didn't even know how to dial a phone, didn't know his doctors' names, sometimes didn't even believe he was in his own house...well, you get the picture.
Gotta get going to an appointment with the chiropracter. I've been going since Alan was hospitalized the day before Thanksgiving. My back, arms and shoulders were so tense and out of whack from fistycuffs with Alan that there's still a long way to go before I'm "fixed". I've gotta get better before Alan's discharged.
Huts and kisses to y'all.
Oh.... and there has been a real physical difference in me since starting here. Today, my blood pressure was normal for the first time in a looooonnnngggg time. Okay, we've made some dietary adjustment (I lost 3 lbs because I'm eating better). But I'm really sure this crew is helping me manage my stress level. So, my heart thanks you in so many ways!
Today I began looking into Assisted Living facilities for Mom. It's just for the information at this point as I have a whole lot more to do - including make an agenda for my silbling meeting. This is going to take a while. I'm grateful for the insights I find here.
Thanks everyone! Big Shitofrantic huts to everyone! - rofl - Love you all! Bee
Sheila: I have seen it all with the docs. My favorite was wanting my Mom, who is 84 and can barely walk, to come for weekly visits...or the lovely front office staff who would not refill her Rx for a UTI because the "doctor had to see her." When I told one young woman about Mom's challenges of getting to a doctor's office, she told me to "call an ambulance" to transport her. We moved on. It isn't that there are no compassionate medical professionals out there, it is just that we have to wade through all the jerks before we find them...then, they are usually booked up.
Btw, have you spoken with directors at your local ALFs? I ask this because my friend's Mom, whose income could not cover the fees, qualified for Medicaid. They set aside so many rooms. Or sometimes they accept the income the resident has as payment. Bottom line, is that they want to fill rooms. If you haven't already, it may be worth speaking with the ALF and see if they have any such programs. Speak with the director, NOT the sales person who will promise you anything. Good luck. Also, if your husband is in severe enough physical and mental condition, he may qualify for hospice. You do not have to be in the end stages of life to receive care. There are 7 or so ailments that qualify. Again, call a good hospice and speak with the director. You need a big ol break. good luck
Bee: glad that coming here has lowered your BP...we'll send you the bill... :o) It just takes a little humor once and awhile (dark humor too)...and knowing that you are not alone.
Lilli
Huts and kisses to y'll and prayers for y'll.
Is home health nurse the same as hospice? One comes to see my Mother twice a week for wound care. That is one requirement. Yesterday I noticed that my Mother's legs have no more muscle tone. I can't believe it. The last PT came twice a week for a month, got her standing, but she cannot move her feet anymore. She says, OK, then message is not getting from brain to legs:( but, she is enjoying our daily walks and songfest. Difficult to get info back to me from caregivers-- I have to call nurse who gives me report. I think she is efficient. I notice the caregivers are a little jumpy when I come over now, as the other day they wanted to show me fungus on her foot. I said, where is the bottle of cider vinegar I brought over here with her? I took care of her so well. They are not that busy over there, but as with some, guess they don't want to work as hard as we do. Wish I had the money I pay them every month, and wish they understood when I ask them to do a couple of simple things for her. I am there every day. Once in a while they have a hectic moment, but not very often. Well, I feel I am doing the best I can with everything that we have gone through. No regrets.
Hey Sheila! Geeze, how old do you think I am?! Olympia Dukakis? Please, I'm a Conservative, and a very young 60, which I believe we call "40" now. I will have to watch the movie, as I am not familiar with her character. Maybe it was a compliment? It was one of those hyped cult classics that I avoid until the glamor wears off. Guess that would be now, since mine has worn off, too. I didn't see
ET until 1996. Haha. I'm a rebel.
Love you all. Construction still going on and it is a mess. Lovely day outside, however, and no school today, so I'm off to the bridle trail. Ttyl. Xo
This ALF charges by the room. If is spouse is joining the resident, there is a slight increase. They set aside rooms for Medicaid as well. They worked with me in regard to Mom's income and their yearly increases are very reasonable. The director was very "hands on" which helped because she visited all the residents and knew what was going on in the entire facility. My friend's Mom is planning on living at the same ALF. I was surprised that they worked with her because she has no assets and very little income. But, as I said before, if the directors are good at what they do, they want to fill rooms and will work with you.
Same with hospice. Another friend told me that his Gma had been in hospice for two years before she passed. If you go online you will find a list of "qualifying" illnesses. As 195Austin mentioned, hospice rules are more inclusive now and are just not for end of life issues. Again, ask around and get a referral to a good hospice then call the director. (Doctors know very little about this process, or they will send you to the one associated with the hospital...not always the best choice.) The director will let you know if your hub would qualify. If he/she thinks he will, they will send him to their doctor who knows more about qualifying.
You are right about palliative care...but that includes a lot: personal care aides, PTs (for mobility), RXs, medical supplies, etc. They will bring all the equipment that is needed for care to your home. I think the reasoning is: why place someone in the hospital or in a NH if they can be taken care of at home with a little help. Makes sense to me.
My grandfather used to say, "it doesn't hurt to ask." If you do not get the answers you need at one place, try the next. So much of caregiving is "foot work" and tracking down services.
Write to me on my wall if you need more info. (also, is you hub a veteran?)
Good luck,
Lilli
Does anyone have news about Lindaheart? I am worried...
As cruise director, I take my job seriously.
Medicare covers:
physicians’ services,
nursing care (intermittent with 24-hour on call),
medical appliances and supplies related to the terminal illness,
outpatient drugs for symptom management and pain relief,
short-term acute inpatient care, including respite care,
home health aide and homemaker services,
physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech/language pathology services,
medical social services, and
counseling, including dietary and spiritual counseling.
Who is eligible?
Hospice care is available under Medicare only if:
The patient is eligible for Medicare Hospital Insurance (Part A);
The patient’s doctor and the hospice medical director certify that the patient is terminally ill with six months or less to live if the disease runs its expected course.
The patient signs a statement choosing hospice care instead of standard Medicare benefits for the terminal illness;
The patient receives care from a Medicare-approved hospice program.
At this point, hospice isn't appropriate for my husband. He's nowhere near death--except of course by my hand when I'm ready to kill him! Physically he's somewhat mobile and improving, but his mind is somewhere in la-la land. But a for instance about not being allowed curative care under hospice is that he has an appointment with a cardiac surgeon about opening up one of his clogged carotid arteries, which is not something that would be possible under hospice.
Christina ~ Home health care and hospice are different programs. Read what I wrote the Lilliput about hospice. Home health care is provided for your mom because of the wound care. My husband wouldn't be eligible for long-term home health care, because he has no medical issue. He did, however, have physical, occupational and speech therapy, along with a visiting nurse and aide for personal grooming (baths) when he was released from rehab. Patients can take advantage of that benefit as long as they are making progress. My husband had reached a plateau, so that benefit was about to end when he had this last stroke.
As long as there is no medical issue, such as broken hip or wound, the journey goes;
*Taken to ER because of stroke.
*Admitted to ICU
*Moved to regular unit for a few days
*Moved to NH rehab for max of 100 days
*If patient can be taken care of at home, discharged to home with home health care as described above until max recovery reached.
*If family can't take care of patient at home, NH placement, paid by Medicare or self-pay
*If family can't meet Medicare eligibility or doesn't have money for self-pay, patient/family is shit out of luck.
Now...that topic depresses me. Moving on.
Christina ~ I think Dukakis was about 60 when the movie was made, but anyway you notice I amended my comment by noting that she's too old. In the movie, she's feisty and quick-witted like you. Never mind. It was a bad idea. She was also cantankerous, which certainly isn't you.
Lilliput ~ You also asked if Alan is a vet. He is, but, there again, we don't meet the income eligibility. We're certainly not rolling in dough, but Medicare and the VA set the bar pretty low. They aren't programs for the middle class.