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Olympia Dukakis! Wow!! I would be flattered to be compared to her character in Steel Magnolias! One of my favorite films! Christina-If you haven't seen it yet you should get out the popcorn and be ready for a wonderful movie experience! Laughter through tears! I think we can all relate to that experience! XXOO

I have been thinking about Diane! Hope she OK! Happy to hear Linda is OK! Thanks for checking on her for us Christina. You are one top notch cruise director! Hope my hut went straight to you and didn't hit the prof in the head causing Shitofrantic chaos in class!
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Christina ~ Another Steel Magnolias requisite--a box of kleenex. Two of Ouiser's (Dukakis' character's name) lines that I've plagerized as my own:
"Don't try to get on my good side. I no longer have one!" and
"You are evil, and you must be destroyed."
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Ok, girls. I figured Dukakis, being the older one in the movie would be a wise (cracking) old reliable. Full of it, but there when you need her. I can relate. TY. Lilli, you want the Julia Roberts part or the dingbat Darryl Hannah character? Either one, dead or dumb. Wha ha ha. I get that movie confused with Frien Green Tomatoes. Are they both written by Fannie Flagg? No wonder. Is there a woman who gets her parking place swiped by a rude B at the market? You can tell I paid attention. I usually like action movies with hunky guys like Jean Claude or psychological thrillers, no gore. I don't mean Al, but you can keep him too.
Besides math, I don't comprehend insurance or any of those legal type documents. I am challenged in that area and it gives me a literal headache if I try to figure it out. If I push it, then I start crying from frustration. So, please, no one rock the Boat. I wish I could help more. Jeannegibbs I am NOT. Additionally, I think I am a good cruise director, but could never steer like the Captain or get us where we are going. Nope, cause all I want to do is make sure everyone is OK, has a margarita, and likes my cooking. BTW: heard from Diane. She is doing very well, working more and checking into things for Mom. No shitofrantics this week. It is only January 13th so we have plenty of time for that activity on the good ol' BOAT! BOAT!!! Whoo Hoo!! I like any character Kathy Bates plays, too. She was in one if those movies, right? Anyone else you girls want to know about?
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Shelia-Yes! A box or two of Kleenex! I think I am going to watch the movie tonight! It is awesome! :)
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Christina-Love Kathy Bates! Have you seen Misery and Delores Cliaborne? She was in Fried Green Tomatoes! Love all her movies! Great actress! Fried Green Tomatoes has to be my favorite of all of them! Thanks for info on Diane! XXOO Kimbo
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I need a group hut, ladies. I just got off the phone with the psychologist, and I'm in a major blue funk. She's completed scoring Alan's psych eval. Diagnosis; severe dementia. I was hoping against hope that his cognitive issues would improve as his brain heals, but, because of the quad whammy of his craniotomy and three strokes, she doesn't see much improvement. I don't know whether I feel worse for him or me. It's so sad. It's not like 69 is a spring chicken, but it's just the beginning of his "golden years". We should be reaping the benefits of retirement. Travel. Active adult activities. He should be fishing and working on his model boat. I should be crafting and going to yoga and aqua aerobics. Not trapped in this hell. The upside, if there is one, is that she says he's probably unaware of his predicament and contentedly living his life in the 70's or 80's in his younger working days. Right now I gotta go. Hard typing through the sobs.
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Christina: I'd take either one...both gorgeous and great actresses...oye vey. I see you cast in the Kathleen Turner roles either in Body Heat or Prizzi's Honor...both deadly chics. And you are an exceptional cruise director...the only job on the boat that looks fun!!

I just watched the movie "Network" the other night. My favorite line: "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Heh, heh, my battle cry.

Good to hear that Linda and Diane are well...I guess we worry when we do not hear from people.

Kim: love Kathy Bates in everything too....she just elevates anything she is in. She was in the quirky film with Jack Nicholsen...can't remember the name

Sheila: whew...looks like you did your homework and figured it out all on your own..congrats. Too bad there is nothing for the two of you...
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Shelia-Here is a big hut to you! Heart goes out to you! Much love being sent your way! Kim
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Lilliput ~ I'm not going to stop looking for help. Something. Anything. Even having an aide give him his shower three times a week helped. The psychologist suggested that I talk to the SW at the NH. Also I was supposed to meet with someone from the Department of Aging, but Alan's last stroke superceded it.
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The film with Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholsen is called "About Schmidt." It was just okay, but Kathy Bates was great. It is too bad that some of the best "character" actors get such little notice...maybe because they are so good that they become the character. They are more interesting than the main actors....and probably make less!
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Well Sheila, you know we are here for you and hope that will help to buffer your stress. This is the Place to Vent. Big Hut, hug, whatever. You need Em, we gottem. {{{{{{{{Sheila and other Boat People}}}}}} haha!!
Love you girls xoxo
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Good evening everyone,

Just stopping in briefly to poke my head in and say hello....HELLO :)
off to cook dinner now. Hang in there Sheila. BBL XOXO

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´
♥«´¨`•°Cricket.°•´¨`»♥
¸.•*(¸.•*´♥`*•.¸)`*•
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meooowww .
thought i better ck in and say hi to you all . saw rossella was worried about me , i am so sorry.. i felt bad for meowin at kimberly for not ckin in too . throw me off the plank ! heeeeeee haww lalala .
pa is doing ok . still holding air , his throat gurggling coughin gagging and all is getting worst , today he s feelin lit better , hospices is wonderful . norma rove back in town to get him diapers cuz i was afraid id run out and tld her i m going to town anyways i ll get some , she said nooooooooo dont do that , save ur money we get em for ur dad its no cost to us . so she made a speical trip to town and back . bless her heart , i love all my new people , theyre so wonderful , always want to hug me and i hug em back hard . i feel like theyre families to me too .
my puter is in the other family room , i stay in the living room most of the time now to watch dad . its closer to his bdrm and im with him most ofthe time to give him breathing treatemnt and meds and guess what im feeding him too . he doesnt eat himself much anymore , he just stares at his food and hes too tired and worn out to pick up a spoon , breaks my heart so i feed him when he cant do it .
so this is one hellva journey here ,
i ask my sister if i shall keep dad s bed when he s no longer here ? she said well maybe someone may need it , i thought man i prob would keep on griefing if i walk in the bdrm and see the bed but no dad . ahhh i told her everything goes to the needy , i dont want it ,
ok friends i love you all and i tried to read some but then my eyes jumps around and skips alot of lines . i caught rossella was worried about me so i wanna say meow i am fine .
i will post again soon and keep u all update , shelia big hugs to u and ure right what u said about hospices , i had a hard time getting dad one and now finaly the dr up at the hopsital signed up one ,
many many hugs to u all and have a hut n shitofranic n pissinapplesauce , margaritta wooooo that be one big fun partayyy . xoxo gators too !! purrr arf arf meowww
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Linda, everybody was worried, not just me! You know you are very dear to all of us. Give a big hug to your great pa! I am happy the people of the hospice are behaving well. I think they hug you because they see what a wonderful work you are doing with your dad!
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Lots of hugs and huts to everyone. Your Dad is so lucky to have you LInda, Your husband is lucky to have you Sheila. I guess that is why all of us are here. We care, and try to do what is right.
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Amen, meanwhile2. Caring, beyond hard working, witty, funny, super intelligent. Thank goodness for our ilk. Whoo Hoo!
Lilli/KimBo/Sheila/Rossella, every wonderful soul here, my little Cricketina and LindaHeart, Cuz, Captain, Diane, GolfSuzie, Enough, BJ, SelfishSibs, Jen, Rip, Austin, caregivers not here but in our hearts and we in theirs: Miz, Kuli, Barb, Pirate, BonnieO, Ted. My heart is full of all of you.
Have a good night. Xo Christina
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Shila have you thought about seeing an elder lawyer and looking into medicaide or getting guardianship for your husband and I hate to say this but some in your position might consider divorce so he could get medicaid and not leave you broke-I know I had to decide on medicaide even though I would be poor as a church mouse and had started the paper work when God intervened-at that time I did not know about spousal refusual which would have let me keep some of his pensions-which is legal but kept very quiet. I so hope someone can help you-I feel what you are going through because I was in a very bad place myself 3 yrs ago.
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hey dee ho...usual here..

"Daddy will you just spit into a napkin..?"

"I was trying for the garbage can..."

"Well you miss it a lot so just spit into a napkin..."

"Well, I usually get it..."

The convo I hear from the basement, same things over and over and over....
I must say, now that mom has figured out to get him up and do his crap BEFORE she calls me, things go much nicer. I don't have to look at him, he doesn't get to say that smarmy "G'mornin Jenny..." to me in his sicky sick way...much better.

Good weekend all. what ever that may be...
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195austin ~ I've got POA, both health and financial. One of Alan's doctors just told me I should get guardianship also, so I will be following through with that. No financial gain, but it may make things easier. I never really thought about divorce as a financial solution, but it would make things far worse for me. I'd be giving up his pension, SS, health insurance through his work and, of course, life insurance. I tell you, they sure don't make it easy to get old, and they make it nigh on impossible to get senile. I just hope that they've enacted assisted suicide if my mind and body betray me, because I can't bear the thought of putting my children through this.
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Sheila, I am so sorry for you.
Jen, I am so sorry for your mother. And for you too, but you can escape in your basement if things get difficult...
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Beautiful day here, 60 and sunny. Saddled up the young horse, and went for a short ride. He is forgetting his training. Or maybe I'm the one forgetting my training. But, had a nice ride, let him gallop a bit to get a few kinks worked out. Works some of my kinks out too. Better than a chiropractor. I suppose I should feel guilty. I have time to do stuff now that my husband is gone. But, I know he would want me to be out riding. Before he got real bad, but I felt like I had stay by his side, He would tell me "go ride your horse!".he he, guess I was hovering. I can still hear him saying that. Mentally he was with it until the last week or so. Sheila, your situation is so much more difficult. Thanks for letting me hang around, even though I'm not care giving anymore. I found all these great friends, all this support while my husband was sick. This group is addictive.
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meanwhile . i am glad u find this addictive , yes it is so true ,
it is nice to get on and read whos venting , laughin , crying or givin out the best advice here , we worry when one of us goes a missing ,
where is mariesmom at ? has anyne heard from her ?
stillstanding ?? and many more . ssk ?? deefer , flex , mmm i know there s many others , my mind is trying to remmy whooooo .

bobbie ~~~~ big hugs to u girl . ure always in my mind . i could never forget you captian ...

pa s sleeping and sleeping and sleeping . sleeps while i feed him , sleeps while he s takin a drink . sleeps while i change him . sleep sleep sleeeep . clap my hands come on pa open ur eyes , wake up pa clap clap . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz he is . :-(

jsomebody , im glad ur mom is learning how to do things for fp whithout hollarin for ya . let her do it all . stay on gross out and u get hugs and smiles and u have all of us to meow at . big hugs jsomebody . xoxoxo
austin ~~ are u stayin warm ? i know i am , i have the good ole woodstove a blarring , for a while i didnt use the woodstove , used the furnace and gott the bill today 461 dollars whoa !!!! gotta keep that woodstove a going . dont want another high bill . eeek
ok you all im going to ck on pa then go snuggle onthe couch and find me a good movie to watch ,
nighty night xoxox
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Meanwhile you are not just hanging around this group needs the formers to help the one in the trenches-plus the people here are our real friends. My friend Winnie was sitting in her w/c beeing fed in the dining room yesterday and was talking-I fed her some of her lunch to free up one of the nurses. First I went to her room and her bed was empty and the sheets were off and I was upset but found her in the dinning. Her daughter says when she wakes up I am the first one she asks for. We are finally having winter here in the lower Hudson Vally in NY-no snow yet.
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Peeps - I need ur help. Dad is in a rehab after a nasty fall before Christmas, and we have to make a decision as to if he stays in the long term care unit or comes home. There really is no such place as "home" because my parents rent a condo and the lease is up in the fall. He has fallen many times, now can barely walk, has mild dementia, and cannot toilet himself. Mom goes in for hip surgery end of February herself!! Of course he WANTS to come home (that's natural), and my stupid a$$ 84 year old mother who can't decide what to have for dinner, says, "Oh, I can take care him...." But she cannot. He weighs 150 lbs, she's 4'10" and walks with a cane. He would need around the clock care and where would this caregiver stay? They live a one-bedroom apartment. I am ok with him staying in this home. It is very nice and close to where I am and I can take Mom to see him all the time. It's just too much to deal with. I told them that IF he comes home, I'm not picking him up, I'm not doing anything, anymore. No more runs to CVS for meds, the bank, the hairdresser, groceries, the multitude of doctor appointments, laundry, church, nothing. They are on their own because I can't take it anymore..... they keep making bad decisions. If he leaves this place, we'll never "get a bed" there again when he falls the next time and he will fall again. What should I do?

-SS
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SelfishSibs ~ It kinda sounds like you've made your decision and are asking for support. You've got mine. It sounds like a no-brainer. In fact, have you considered having Mom join him. Does the NH he's in have couple accommodations? Some do.
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SSI think you are going to have to lay down the law to Mom-she is of course being very unrealistic or maybe just unable to tell him that he can not go home-ask the social worker to also tell this to your Mon and make sure they realize that you will not pick him up or be a slave to her wants and they will be on their own-Mom will probably yell and scream but let her. You know in your heart the answer-there comes a time when you can no longer put out all the fires for them-you Mom needs to grow up and stand on her own and not depend on you for everything-have him stay there-it is a good place for the care he needs-let us know how things go.
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Hey Y'all,

Sorry I haven't been posting. Friday I had to rush mom to the hospital because I thought she was having a stroke. The doctors admitted her to the hospital and have been running test. She appears to be back to her "normal" self, but no info yet from the doctors. Last night was quite a doosie with her sundowning. She was convinced someone had been murdered in her room. She was up all night. I am home for a few hours to eat, rest & shower before heading back for another fun slumber party :) The good news is my brother has been staying at the hospital with mom to allow me to get home to rest a little.

Let me throw some clothes in the washer and crawl into my bed with a cat or all three to get some rest.

Love ya,
Diane
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SS you are right to put your foot down. Stick to your guns.
Diane sorry to hear your Mom is doing worse, Let the hospital and your brother take care of her, and get some rest. Cats are so snuggly aren't they.
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Austin, Meanwhile and Diane,
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it. Yes I have made up my mind but my mother has not. Neither one is able to make the right decision here. He can't get up out of a chair by himself and my 84 year old mother is going to take care of him? I don't think so. It's insane. Can't the social workers stop this??? Both Mom and Dad are incapable of making the right decision. I get that, but I won't be party to it. I told them I will not help with anything if he comes home. So then, they'll call and I'll say, no, I don't have time. Then he'll fall again, and he will, then what?
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Linda, I can't think of anything that helps, when you have to watch someone get weaker. But, you have done everything and then some, to make your Dad as comfortable as possible. That goes for everyone on this site.
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