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Lists! I have lists everywhere, it's called putting your brain on paper and then losing it!! Rossella you need a trash compactor...ewww smashed poo! scratch that thought! Hmm, what about paying that guy to dig a big hole out back and call it the shit hole? LOL Oh I better hush up before I think up something really shitzofrantic! Hah! Omg, I'm killin' myself this morning.. speaking of Shitzofrantic.. HI LINDA :)
CUZ, sorry you have those lazy muscles, I think they went on strike awhile back and just got stuck in the mud. It might help if you find a good massage therapist, someone who specializes in deep tissue massage that will work in the specific area. It's worth a try because many people exhaust all their money and time going the usual medical route only to find that they have the same problem and then go to a massage therapist as a last resort then....walla! they get help :) BTW Cuz, loved the erictorial dysfunction!!! so true so true! Take a break and get better my friend. {{{{{CUZ}}}}} oh ps. on the massage therapist, many insurances will pay for it nowadays and their all therapists who will bill them for you. Good luck with getting better.
Meanwhile2, you're right Omaha is a much better name but I liked Omar too. I think he is lifting his hoof for you to say thank you for saving me, thank you. :) Kimboooooooooooooooooooooo? omg, you must be having a tough time or we would have heard something by now. Just don't go grab the old toilet and break it over your Dads head. If you are at the point of all tears you need to vent, or go get a big bottle of B-Complex to build your adrenalin back up! Love you Kimbo!
Christina I know you're really cramming for your classes so I'm not emailing as much as usual hehe only once or twice a day, lol I wuv you my sisterheart, you inspire me so much! You are a Warrior!
Jen if I were in a room with you and Linda for 5 minutes I'm sure I would be on the floor doubled over with laughter! Everyone think about it ...Linda and Jen talking for 5 minutes, am I not right? Bee, Lilli, Miz, Hannalee, Sandfox, Diane, AnnT, Captain Bobbie, SS, SSK, and anyone I might have missed... Hang in there! ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Gah Rossella I hear you, Europe is in a ice age at the moment. I hope Spring domes soon for you all there! That is insane but it is interesting the camaraderie that comes of being together in unusual circumstances...Very Human... No rolling on the floor today, chest pains had me saying go to Er, she said call dr, so instead I am gonna take the bus to the dr, she keeps saying take a cab. no she doesn't want to drive me and Ii just assume NOT spend an hour in the van with fart pants...That would give me a heart attack. It is probably the plueresy back...Just make a morning of it, go to dr get prescription enjoy getting out..no snow on ground most places so should be OK. Hi to all and good rest of the week....
Hi Angelhair, I loved the Adam and Eve story. I'm also glad your Husband stood up for you to your MIL, you really do have your hands full. Maybe it would help your FIL if he were on some meds to calm him down? In any case hang in there.
Jen...Pleurisy! oh no that's awful. I hope you get better soon!
Jen, go and check yourself at the doctor. Yes take a bus. The stress of being with FP would be worse than the disease. Cricket you made me laugh. Thanks. Today Daniela, my help, arrived here by car because she is not as afraid of ice as I am, and we managed to take the garbage away, so I polluted the whole village but I am not polluting my house anymore. Tomorrow I should be able to take the car myself and I will walk the dogs and do some shopping and see some human faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because the day after tomorrow it seems there will be another snowstorm. Yes Kim, hope you are not specializing in toilet-throwing! SS, I am very sorry for what your family is going through. I don't know what is the place in your picture.It could be Rome or somewhere else in Center Italy. Angelhair you are a hero! There are many mothers who complain because they have just 2 children and they are very busy and tired. I don't know how you do it. 'night everyone.
Angel-I am glad your husband spoke up to her. If she works 14 hr. days she must be off for a lot of day-nurses who work 12 hr. days work 3 days a week and 4 one day a month so she should not be all stressed when she is off-she needs to shut up and appreciate what other do for her.
Hi all, Yesterday, at the NH went much better than I expected. Dad, while still very irritable, was told he would be there for "the foreseeable future." They told him, I did not. He asked a lot of questions etc...then I left the room and started to ball. But I'm ok and I know he is going to be ok too because he is in a safe place (it's actually really nice). I talked to my brother last night, one of the selfish siblings that bolted and that was actually good too. So that's all good and today is another day. I wish all of you a peaceful day. xo -SS
SS I am glad it went well-maybe he will get involved in activities. At the NH I am at twice a week to visit Winnie the activities person goes to to where the residents are for some activities. I could live there it is really nice the big problem they had was with the aides-most come from NY City by train and the NH meets the train 3 times a day and the aides were not the nicest but thing are better on Winnie's unit-but they know I will be there a certain time so it keeps them on their toes.
Wow, angelhair, you sure do have your HANDS FULL! And, you are so young to be having to do so! Do you ever get ANY "ME TIME" at all? My "job" of caring for a MIL, and SD not living with me seems overwhelming until I read stories like yours. Hang in there, and "Nice to meet you!"
Good Morning Crew! It is peaceful on the boat and the boat angel is below sleeping. He has been delaying going back to the hospital and the doctor said that it wasn't a big deal if he waited a couple more days to get in shape for the next battery of chemo and radiation. I feel like the prizefighter's manager who gets the fighter all patched up only to have him beat to a pulp again.
Cuz! ow on the back situation. Cricket is right, get a massage therapist! love to everyone in Michigan.
Rossella! wow what a blizzard! you are incredible to be able to cope with all of that, garbage, mother, animals and the TRAIN!! beautiful Rossella!
Maxine! always good to read what you write, whatta sweetheart!
Angelhair! Ucantcare! Sandfox! Hannalee!
Selfish Sibs! congratulations on moving to the next step and getting your dad all fixed up in the nice new place. Ya it's hard and I remember the day with my mom realized that she had to stay for awhile like it was yesterday. So much crying from both of us.
Jen! wish I had a picture of you with that red hair for the boat! hope you feel better soon. Love you Jen.
Meanwhile! sounds like a lovely horse and I like Omaha very much. It has 'ha' in it.
Linda! how are you and how is Pa today? I know that you are hanging in there and I can't wait for you and D to come back to the boat!
Miz! wonder how you are and I wish you would let us know cause we miss you Miz!
Kimbo! wassup? annt! glad to see you writing and I hope you keep venting! it's important!
Rip! c'mon girl I know it's tough!
Christina! thank you so much for keeping the boat angel in your prayers. Love the images of you walking the bridal path and going to school. Of course I see you walking the bridal path TO school with your little bookbag and pencil box but I am crazy romantic.
OK, everybody I forgot post and chew me out! at least I think I am getting a little better and working on settling into my new normal... I think.
love you guys way more than you'll ever know, lovbob
good morning you all . was on lastnight but didnt post . spank me ! :-) .. angelhair- i admired what u wrote about pa undressing and puttin clothes back on the wrong ways and u havin to redo it all again . big hugs to u dear , yes it is hard to move his body around . hell i cant even move dad s arm , its like made of steel ! try to roll him over is like trying to move a big old tree . gawd !!! big hugs to u dear youre a good person .
jen- u best bet get urself in the dr s office . bobbie needs that red hair on her boat and u have got to get well real soon . give ur mom the bill and tell her to suck it up and pay it if she needs u around . if not then u shall go to bobbie s boat , she ll fix u right up . bobbie is a sweet angel and has a very big heart . love u bobbie looou . deb and i are still talking about takin road trips again . this time we ll stay on ur boat a bit longer . anyways jen - how are u feeling today ? must be all that smell getting to ya , or menopause makes ur herat aches too . could be many other reasons , stress , old age , menopause , the stinky smell just isnt healthy . prayers headin at ur way jenny lee .
went to dr yesterday , shes concerned about my lungs , says they sound clear but sending me to sport medical doc who speialist in muscles , going monday at 930 am . prayers plz . i smoke yes but hell plz not my lungs ! the dr im going monday will be takin over my pblms . hope he can fix me right up .
my dead brother johnny has been laying next to dad yesterday . it was a pillow i laid there , dad said hey psst hey come here , i walked to him he smiled and pointed at the pillow i said yep comfty isnt it , he said johnny s here shhh . blew me away , i patted the pillow said i love u johnny , then i decided to sit in recliner and watch dad , im gla di did cuz what he done was heart touchin . dad took his blanket off of him and whipser into the pillow and covered the pillow up , i said whats wrong dad u hot ? he said im sharing myblanket with johnny . :( .. nuse came early this am , woke pa up and ck his bp , its very very low . i said well cuz he s sleeping , she said but its too low . mmmm he whine and cried and got upset cuz nurse woke him up . after the nurse left i told pa he can go back to sleep cuz i kick that nurses ass out , then he went back to sleep . sleeping peaceful . suppose to go veiwing tmr , my sis s ex father in law passed away , knew him for many years , i got to thinkin last night uhh i dont wanna go and the more i thought about it the more i got upset , decided not to go , i have enuff of funeral homes and deathness around me . so fk it i aint going ..... kimberly- i know ure hiding in that apt . did that wolf spider greet ya yet ? i see babies wolf spiders , told em they got the wrong house , oh whats ur address i ll tell em to go that way , lol . cricket, christina , cant wait to have a margaritta with u ladies ! u guys are so full of enegry and makes me wanna dance . :-) . rossella- my garage used to smell like health hazzard place . i finaly ordered two bin and have the man come get em every tues to haul em away . whew ! open th ebin and toss it in there and hold my breath for a while till the smells finaly gone . hope this winterstorm isnt a bad one this time around . oh so ure hoggin all that snow ! . we hardly got any this year and its prob why cuz the snow likes italy this year .... enjoy em my dear . springs just right around the corner , ok i best bet get my hindend up and do my daily chores , austin- love you dear and hope the lord sends u a perfect companiship for u to enjoy begin around with , . bobbie - hug ur boat angel for me . xoxoxo
Bobbie I love that you are posting, I wish I knew more about your boat angel, like why is he called that? who is he? I must have missed something :( You are an Angel for being his wellness warrior! Sending good thoughts and prayers to both of you.
Shitzofrantic! Linda start giving Pa ice chips to suck on when he is awake to get water into him. The same thing happened to my friend Wilma and when the blood pressure gets really low they try to put them in the hospital on an IV to get the fluids in them. Maybe they won't try to do that with Pa because of the situation but it couldn't hurt to try with the ice chips. The story of Johnny with Pa was so touching!! It really makes one feel the strong presence and love of those who have gone before us. How connected they continue to be to us. When I was 13 my sister died and throughout my life there have been significant times where she has looked in on me and I felt her loving presence. It has to be frightening for you but at the same time comforting to know that Pa is being looked out for on both sides. It's sad that most people never experience the profoundness of how beautiful life is when it is gone. We on the other hand are in situations where we live that profound awareness everyday, it's a beautiful reality. It keeps us in the truth of what life is all about and what really matters...love.
I'm off to the Dentist today to get a broken mercury exposing tooth fixed! Thank God! After this tooth I will only have 1 last little old mercury filling to get removed and an old cap replaced then I will be done with this phase of wellness. Whoohoo! My house is a mess from all the running around I had to do with Dad and the time I've spent studying... but shitzofrantic!! it will eventually get done. hah!
Everyone have a great day, go look in the mirror and give yourself a hug and tell yourself you are doing the best you can!
What a beautiful story, Linda. Your father is very much loved by everyone... Here and there! We had a nice sunny day today, I could take the car, walk the dogs (I forgot the camera! What a pity. The hills covered with melting snow were beautiful), while we are waiting for one more huge snowstorm for tomorrow. One more week of prison ahead of us! And then, I hope, the ultimate thaw!!!
I know it's not in my control, but I'm full of hope that the spinal MRI's we did today show something (anything) that can help diagnose what's going on with my Mom. It's been a year since she's walked or stood up and she's been in escalating pain (amongst other things). I'm excited to hear the results tomorrow! After all we've been through, we deserve an answer, even if it's just "we've tried everything and there's nothing left to try". Monday is a growth hormone test.
Thanks to all here. I read your stories and realize how blessed my mother is and how I'm not alone in this journey.
Angelhair - amen on that. i chuckle (afterward) when my sib's tell me how exhausted they are. when they visit, they have a seat. it's not really funny, but most of the time, my legs are noodles, but I still end up making dinner and serving them anyway. when they leave with full bellies and feeling good that they've visited mom, I still have to care for her and do dishes.
burned out comes in all flavors it seems, but most of the time I don't have a clue how I make it through the day. somehow I do, prolly because I pray about it so much I know God is sick of hearing me asking for help.
the eldercare thing half works. mom says she's tired and her bp is high most days. the nurse there calls me nearly everyday, whether mom's attended or not. they are terrified she'll die on their watch I guess. so I've been keeping her home if she has high bp, or she says she's tired, or she feels dizzy or even if she just doesn't want to go. i am confused. if i send her, they make me feel like an ogre, if she stays home, i loose my respite break from my 24/7 job of caring for her.
silly. mom tells me stories about the other "students" at daycare and it seems to me that her health sounds downright perfect in comparison to most. RoFL!
Jen take care of yourself cause I had that plurecy stuff and was in the hospital for a week. You don't need that. Of course you would be taken care of and would get the much needed rest when they aren't wakeing you up to run more tests. luvCuz
Please forgive me girls (and boys, whoever you might be...) for talking so much about my vacation. I wouldn't do it for any other reason than to try to help you luxuriate in the fantasy as much as I am. You know how the fantasy doesn't always turn out to be the reality... So maybe the fantasy by itself, in a way, is better! But tonight I assembled all the CDs I want to listen to. Get this: first day I'm driving 900+ miles. I Can Do It.
So I told my sister, I won't ask her to do this again, come and be with my mother for two weeks. It's already a stretch. Mom's needs are just increasing. We all know how that is. It's getting to the point where I don't know how to put things, how to prioritize things, from, watch the bathrug, pick it up right away or she'll trip on it, to, I'm not sure she can really be left alone at all. I don't know how to say it. It's terrible, I just don't know. All the pills are boxed, I'm printing several medication lists, one for every drawer and one for my sister's purse, but it's all a stretch. My mom is having these hostile, bitter moods. It could provoke a bad reaction in my sister. They have history. I try to condition everything I say so that my sister will take the most favorable attitude, one that won't penalize my mother for being what she is right now, not too aware, not too loving to say the least (unlike her old self), and helpless. Not to say that I'm perfect or blameless.
I'm sure that this will be my last real vacation indefinitely. I'm so lucky to have it, though. I have that chance and so many don't. I'm trying to gather up my strength, clean out my head, I'll have the chance at last, so that I can be ready for the last part, when there'll be more to do and worry about, and we'll all have to get ready for the fact that an end is coming. I want to straighten all that out in my head. I guess first by trying to forget about it all... That car is packed so tight you couldn't fit a pack of Marlboro's in there. That's what a cop at an all-night diner said to me 25 years ago on a cross-country trip. That's how it's going to be! My fuel on the first marathon day will be peanut butter cookies and coffee, of course. Good night, everyone. OX
I am up earlier than usual because I'm searching for a pair of earrings I was going to lend a friend for her wedding. For some reason they are not in either jewelry box and I'm going nuts searching for them. I'm afraid I may have taken them off and carelessly not put them away and mom has put then up "for safe keeping". That means gone for good.
Rossella, I'll be praying for you and being locked up with mom. I know how much my mom whines when it is rainy, let alone snow. I think we are going to get our first real cold weather for the winter this week. Monday we are supposed to go down to 18F.
Bobbie, it's good to hear from you. SS, I'm glad dad took the news well about staying in the NH. I'm sure that is a huge weight off your shoulders. Hanna, enjoy your vacation and be safe on the roads. 900 miles is a lot of driving for the first day. I think 800 is the most I've done in one day and that was about 12 years ago.
Let me go get some coffee and maybe that will help my brain figure out where these earrings are. Have a good day my friends!
Hanna have a good trip and stay safe-I am so glad you are doing this-you are an inspiration to other-caregivers need to get away-I did when my husband could be left alone and our son lived a mile away-if you are near a puter check in with us.
What a great group of caregivers here. I love reading all of the posts and am grateful for each and every one of you.
Cricket, the Boat Angel is the man who took over a lof of the engineering on this big boat and provided Air Conditioning by figuring out how/what the old units were and how to fix them. At this latitude, you can't be on this boat during the dog days without AC. He made it all nicey nice and then continued on to do little things to the boat while I was up in NJ dealing with the house and stuff. I was away from the boat for weeks at a time and I never worried about her because he would just walk down and stay here and because he couldn't sit still he would fix stuff. He never told me what he did, he waited for me to discover it and I would compare it to an Easter Egg hunt because I would be going about my day on the boat and then notice this or that had been fixed, upgraded or replaced. He knows that I want to cruise this boat way offshore and he is bound and determined to teach me the boat's systems because if I don't know how to handle the engine room it could sink the boat.
He has been putting off going back into the hospital and I got us Chinese food last night and it all came back up. He sat in the cockpit (back porch) and hurled while I slept. He just didn't want to go while so sick so we go tomorrow for sure and he will get more chemo and radiation.
He has a timeline of 6 to 18 months and so we are planning to go deep into the Caribbean while he still can. Maybe it will work, maybe not. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
He knows more about boats than any individual I have ever met and I think that's where it all started because I knew I could come to him with any question and he wouldn't berate me like most of the other guys do. He would just answer the question no matter how dumb it was. Every once in awhile I get him to really laugh because of the out-of-left-field questions.
He did give me a hard time yesterday when I asked him how much cold water the hull could handle. I see me taking this boat through the Canal and up the West coast possibly into Alaska and just didn't want the hull to crack open like an egg because it was in really cold water. He thought that was hilarious and said that it would give him something to laugh about in the hospital. Turns out that it isn't an issue. Cool. Literally.
I have done some stupid shit on this boat and every once in awhile he loses his mind and laughs his ass off. I wrote about this before: the time I had to flip the boat around to put the starboard side against the dock and it was really windy and the ballast was out of the bow so the bowthruster wasn't as effective as it could be (this is a single screw.. way harder to drive than a twin) so it took me 4 attempts to come alongside the dock without hitting anything. he paced the dock while his son was on board with me and he told me later that he told his son that he might be out in the river with me for an hour and the kid said why? and Jeff said, you'll see.
I don't care really. I docked the sucker without hitting anything including the boat I was driving and that's always the prime objective. They teased me about that for a week.
It's different now because he has no energy. He can sit on the steps alongside the engine room door and coach me on what is going on and that is actually better than him just handling the work. I have to be able to do it myself, I have to know exactly what is going on so I don't hurt the crew, the boat or myself. I am learning.
This boat was overwhelming at first but I am learning its systems which is the most important thing.
I have been interviewing crew to take with us so it won't be just the two of us. I think that I may take 2 more people on the boat for a total of 4 which the boat can accomodate easily so we will be well prepared and I will have $ help with diesel. Ya baby.
It's day by day of course and it is what it is. I work at not being overcome by grief because of my parents, the house, the loss of my career and the fact that I have found myself in another caregiving situation.
We both feel that a boat trip is the best thing for both of us and only time will tell if I can get through this without breaking my heart totally in two. Those of you who know me for awhile know that my heart is pretty broken as it is..... just like each and every one of you.
Hannalee, glad you are going on a road trip! bpryor! good to hear from you! Rossella, one more blizzard and then Spring? Flex! hope you found those earrings! Cricket! glad you're getting those fillings handled! I still have some to go... Linda, yes, that was a beautiful story about Johnny. give Pa a kiss for me. Cuz! love you and thanks for the funny story. Jen! how you feeling today? Rip! hang in there gurl! get out in the world to see other people experience life, love and joy if you can't find your own right this minute. If I can't find my own I borrow someone else's for a minute until I get situated again. My life has been nothing but losses for a long, long time and I struggle to keep my sense of humor sometimes and you guys know that it took awhile for me to even be able to write again but here I am, doing the best I can.
thanks you guys for being here. It makes all the difference doesn't it? love you all way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
Oh my gosh! bobbie, thanx for explaining the "Boat Angel"! I finally understand your story. Your Angel sounds a lot like my dear grandfather (God rest his soul)...never could sit still...always had to be working and fixing on something! When I was a kid, I used to follow him around like a puppy dog...watching and learning! It was the best! Enjoy the day!
Bobby, now I know why you call him the Boat Angel. God bless him and you too. Your boat stories are funny. What you are doing, taking on the boat and having to learn everything is a huge task for anyone, male or female. I see a book in the making. One that is about Caregiving and Survival with the boat theme.
Yesterday didn't turn out so well at the Dentist, it turns out they want me to get a root canal now and I'm about to say screw it, pull the damn tooth and put in an implant..I think it would cost less in the long run to. I did however get him to take out the last old metal filling. You want to hear something really gross? I've been eating tons of raw garlic for the last week! Wha?.. yep that's right, I have been craving it like crazy so I went to the deli and bought these tubs with lots of garlic cloves that are marinating in oil with hot peppers. The dentist said my tooth looks like the root is infected slightly, well garlic kills infection so I concluded my body craving the garlic must be it's intuitive wisdom for well being. Never underestimate the power we have to heal!! Hey Kris Carr is giving away her new book with over 50 juice, smoothie, healthy eating guide on Valentines Day at her website crazy sexy life dot com. Whoohoo! She is the Ultimate Wellness Warrior! Don't know if I shared this with you or not but she also wrote a book called Crazy Sexy Cancer. She got a rare form of untreatable Cancer at the age of 24 and was diagnosed with no hope from the doctors. That was years ago and now she is thriving and healthy and has helped tons of people. Okay enough of my blabbing. Christina I know you're studying like mad, I can feel those brain waves from the left coast! :) Gotta go, I have so much to do. Love you all, be safe and warm or cool! Cricket
Bobby, you have found a wonderful thing in the Boat Angel. I don't know that much about all you've gone through, but it sounds as though you have stripped down a lot. That's amazing if you went from fantasizing about a boat to actually getting one. Apparently that's what happened. It hurts to lose virtually everything but it sounds like you're had a great response. It's a new world for you. That has to be good. It's got to help, because I imagine it takes all of your courage. I hope that this life-changing thing will take you to a better place. I can't help but have images of "sink-or-swim," sort of like Cricket's idea that a book about caregiving on the boat theme could be ahead. Except that most of us do feel like we're drowning. It's not much of an abstraction. Well, you know, a smooth sea never made a skilled mariner, how many times have you heard that one? Lots of people live a long time, but, like they say, they lives of quiet desperation. You could go through a whole life and pretty much keep all the greatest challenges at bay, forget about them maybe to your dying day. The sounds of desperation of a caregiver in charge of someone else's life is deafening--to the caregiver. There is no choice but to look the saddest and most difficult ghosts straight in the face. There's no time to fool around. There's less chance of leaving life without ever directly facing the greatest sadness, as someone else said, it brings the beauty of life that is possible close to you. You lose control, you have to face it, you can't avoid it.
I don't know what you did for a living, but I also feel very sad to have lost my career. I left my job and moved to be closer to my mother, and in some part of her new personality, she thinks I made a tactical error and, essentially, I'm a loser. I want to just get over all that and try to be glad she does not feel guilty for having motivated me to do that. She was always so good to me, she was mother and father to me and my sister. I really don't want her to know what's going on. I'd like her old self to sleep through it.
As far as my talents and my career, I was so lucky to have what I had. This is the mental game I play: of the billion+ people in China, how many of them had pretty good talents equal to mine? A million? Of them, how many had an education, any chance to pursue their talents? Let's say 500,000. A generous estimate. Of those, who completed their dreams? Let's be conservative. Let's say 5000, or 1 percent. The rest of all those people had talents equal to mine, but no money, no education, no luck, perhaps no health, and perhaps they are farming rice in the country. Are they worse off? What are they doing with minds that could have done this other thing? I don't think they are worse off. It's all still in there. Dreams can lead you down blind alleys. Am I making any sense? Am I crazy? I spent a fortune and incurred lots of debt (still have it! Lucky me!) going to grad school. I learned several languages, and my friend told me, You're going to learn four languages. And then you'll die. And I also found out: in spite of what I heard, the knowledge of a language is not necessarily saleable. Well, am I sorry I did it? No. Though I'll pay my student loans to my dying day, I now have some nice furniture in my brain. It was worth it. Though it probably won't earn me a dime. Love,Hannalee.
Ucantcare2much, Glad to meet you also. I do get me time. I make it a priority because I can't let myself get run down or there would be nothing left for my kids and husband. Usually I'll take a day and go work out at the clubhouse here. I usually work out for 45 min to an hour and then I go swim laps for thirty min and spend half an hour in the hot tub. It's very relaxing. Actually, I've started taking my oldest daughter with me in the evenings, after putting my younger three kids to bed, and working out together after Nana gets home when I don't have to worry about him anymore. It's been nice. my husband works nights as a kitchen manager and cook for the restaurant where he works so he doesn't get home until midnight some nights. I have enjoyed the company and she seems to enjoy going with me. Not to mention I feel great right now with all of the exercising. I don't know how else to deal with the stress, but it seems to work for me.
Oh my gosh, I had to tell you all what Step Dad did today! It was hilarious! What do you think would put it in his head to pour a full glass of milk in his house slipper? I know he has alzheimers, but really? I washed it right after, but it's still sitting upside down over the heat vent trying to dry; and he did it this morning at breakfast! Love you all, goodnight.
Angelhair, you are a smart cookie. You know that Michelle Obama has that philosophy, she works out every day. I've got to do that too!! I've got to find a way! Or something will happen to me and my mother will be sunk.
Doing Ok here, saw dr will do stress test and see...nothing so far. Thank you everyone for your concern and comments, just chugging along here...watching wheel of fortune, glad the snow melted, walked to 7 11 got mom a Power Ball ticket with HER money, she is luckier than me so we'll see.... Cricket I can see the garlic thing, I think the body does tell what it needs, I got sick and craved nothing but potato chips and lemonade aid, potassium and lemon as expectorant... Hello to all been readin' all the posts just not much to say here, just as well whine whine whine...
Hannalee, we are a very close group of people and the sorrow of one is the sorrow of everyone, and the joy of one is the joy of everyone. We are only too happy you are going to make that trip and we are excited! Please tell us how things go and how the dogs behave! I am particularly interested in it, because sooner or later I would like to do the same with mine. Don't worry, your sister will manage taking care of your mother for just 2 weeks! My mother is not grateful for what I do, either. She was complaining tonight because I "mistreat" her. I don't have the physical strength to handle her, so, while I make the effort of lifting her, sometimes I hurt her. She doesn't understand I can't do more than that and she scolds me. Yesterday when I was doing the cooking she was calling me every 2 seconds, so I put her on the wheelchair and I took her with me in the kitchen. She was offended because I had put her in the wheelchair (she doesn't think of herself as impaired) and she pouted all evening. According to her I should spend my days close to her in the living room and do nothing else than carrying her food, drinks and take away the empty glasses. So I understand very well when you say that you gave up your career and she doesn't admit you did it because of her! Angelhair, good move, to go swimming! I am a fan of water and every time I can go to the sea or the swimming pool I am a happy person. Cricket, the root canal is better than an extraction! Try to save your teeth! I have had teeth treated with root canal for 20 years! They are still there and they are mine! Bobbie what a beautiful story the one of the boat angel! I didn't know it. I am very sorry for you because when you are going to lose him it will be another huge sorrow. I like the idea of you going for a long trip with him! It is the best thing you can do for him. Bpryor I hope your mother's tests give you reassuring answers... Try to keep some time for yourself in all of this! Diane, it's snowing agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Another week of home prison is awaiting us. More photos tomorrow. My garden is fullllllllllllllllllllll of snow again.
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Lists! I have lists everywhere, it's called putting your brain on paper and then losing it!! Rossella you need a trash compactor...ewww smashed poo! scratch that thought! Hmm, what about paying that guy to dig a big hole out back and call it the shit hole? LOL Oh I better hush up before I think up something really shitzofrantic! Hah! Omg, I'm killin' myself this morning.. speaking of Shitzofrantic.. HI LINDA :)
CUZ, sorry you have those lazy muscles, I think they went on strike awhile back and just got stuck in the mud. It might help if you find a good massage therapist, someone who specializes in deep tissue massage that will work in the specific area. It's worth a try because many people exhaust all their money and time going the usual medical route only to find that they have the same problem and then go to a massage therapist as a last resort then....walla! they get help :)
BTW Cuz, loved the erictorial dysfunction!!! so true so true! Take a break and get better my friend. {{{{{CUZ}}}}} oh ps. on the massage therapist, many insurances will pay for it nowadays and their all therapists who will bill them for you. Good luck with getting better.
Meanwhile2, you're right Omaha is a much better name but I liked Omar too. I think he is lifting his hoof for you to say thank you for saving me, thank you. :)
Kimboooooooooooooooooooooo? omg, you must be having a tough time or we would have heard something by now. Just don't go grab the old toilet and break it over your Dads head. If you are at the point of all tears you need to vent, or go get a big bottle of B-Complex to build your adrenalin back up! Love you Kimbo!
Christina I know you're really cramming for your classes so I'm not emailing as much as usual hehe only once or twice a day, lol I wuv you my sisterheart, you inspire me so much! You are a Warrior!
Jen if I were in a room with you and Linda for 5 minutes I'm sure I would be on the floor doubled over with laughter! Everyone think about it ...Linda and Jen talking for 5 minutes, am I not right?
Bee, Lilli, Miz, Hannalee, Sandfox, Diane, AnnT, Captain Bobbie, SS, SSK, and anyone I might have missed... Hang in there! ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶
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(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
No rolling on the floor today, chest pains had me saying go to Er, she said call dr, so instead I am gonna take the bus to the dr, she keeps saying take a cab. no she doesn't want to drive me and Ii just assume NOT spend an hour in the van with fart pants...That would give me a heart attack. It is probably the plueresy back...Just make a morning of it, go to dr get prescription enjoy getting out..no snow on ground most places so should be OK.
Hi to all and good rest of the week....
Jen...Pleurisy! oh no that's awful. I hope you get better soon!
Well I just stopped by to say goodnight..
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Cricket you made me laugh. Thanks. Today Daniela, my help, arrived here by car because she is not as afraid of ice as I am, and we managed to take the garbage away, so I polluted the whole village but I am not polluting my house anymore. Tomorrow I should be able to take the car myself and I will walk the dogs and do some shopping and see some human faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because the day after tomorrow it seems there will be another snowstorm.
Yes Kim, hope you are not specializing in toilet-throwing!
SS, I am very sorry for what your family is going through. I don't know what is the place in your picture.It could be Rome or somewhere else in Center Italy.
Angelhair you are a hero! There are many mothers who complain because they have just 2 children and they are very busy and tired. I don't know how you do it.
'night everyone.
Yesterday, at the NH went much better than I expected. Dad, while still very irritable, was told he would be there for "the foreseeable future." They told him, I did not. He asked a lot of questions etc...then I left the room and started to ball. But I'm ok and I know he is going to be ok too because he is in a safe place (it's actually really nice). I talked to my brother last night, one of the selfish siblings that bolted and that was actually good too. So that's all good and today is another day.
I wish all of you a peaceful day.
xo
-SS
It is peaceful on the boat and the boat angel is below sleeping. He has been delaying going back to the hospital and the doctor said that it wasn't a big deal if he waited a couple more days to get in shape for the next battery of chemo and radiation.
I feel like the prizefighter's manager who gets the fighter all patched up only to have him beat to a pulp again.
Cuz! ow on the back situation. Cricket is right, get a massage therapist! love to everyone in Michigan.
Rossella! wow what a blizzard! you are incredible to be able to cope with all of that, garbage, mother, animals and the TRAIN!! beautiful Rossella!
Maxine! always good to read what you write, whatta sweetheart!
Angelhair! Ucantcare! Sandfox! Hannalee!
Selfish Sibs! congratulations on moving to the next step and getting your dad all fixed up in the nice new place. Ya it's hard and I remember the day with my mom realized that she had to stay for awhile like it was yesterday. So much crying from both of us.
Jen! wish I had a picture of you with that red hair for the boat! hope you feel better soon. Love you Jen.
Meanwhile! sounds like a lovely horse and I like Omaha very much. It has 'ha' in it.
Linda! how are you and how is Pa today? I know that you are hanging in there and I can't wait for you and D to come back to the boat!
Miz! wonder how you are and I wish you would let us know cause we miss you Miz!
Kimbo! wassup? annt! glad to see you writing and I hope you keep venting! it's important!
Rip! c'mon girl I know it's tough!
Christina! thank you so much for keeping the boat angel in your prayers. Love the images of you walking the bridal path and going to school. Of course I see you walking the bridal path TO school with your little bookbag and pencil box but I am crazy romantic.
OK, everybody I forgot post and chew me out! at least I think I am getting a little better and working on settling into my new normal... I think.
love you guys way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob
angelhair- i admired what u wrote about pa undressing and puttin clothes back on the wrong ways and u havin to redo it all again . big hugs to u dear , yes it is hard to move his body around . hell i cant even move dad s arm , its like made of steel !
try to roll him over is like trying to move a big old tree . gawd !!! big hugs to u dear youre a good person .
jen- u best bet get urself in the dr s office . bobbie needs that red hair on her boat and u have got to get well real soon . give ur mom the bill and tell her to suck it up and pay it if she needs u around . if not then u shall go to bobbie s boat , she ll fix u right up . bobbie is a sweet angel and has a very big heart . love u bobbie looou . deb and i are still talking about takin road trips again . this time we ll stay on ur boat a bit longer . anyways jen - how are u feeling today ? must be all that smell getting to ya , or menopause makes ur herat aches too . could be many other reasons , stress , old age , menopause , the stinky smell just isnt healthy .
prayers headin at ur way jenny lee .
went to dr yesterday , shes concerned about my lungs , says they sound clear but sending me to sport medical doc who speialist in muscles , going monday at 930 am . prayers plz . i smoke yes but hell plz not my lungs ! the dr im going monday will be takin over my pblms . hope he can fix me right up .
my dead brother johnny has been laying next to dad yesterday . it was a pillow i laid there , dad said hey psst hey come here , i walked to him he smiled and pointed at the pillow i said yep comfty isnt it , he said johnny s here shhh . blew me away , i patted the pillow said i love u johnny , then i decided to sit in recliner and watch dad , im gla di did cuz what he done was heart touchin . dad took his blanket off of him and whipser into the pillow and covered the pillow up , i said whats wrong dad u hot ? he said im sharing myblanket with johnny . :( ..
nuse came early this am , woke pa up and ck his bp , its very very low . i said well cuz he s sleeping , she said but its too low . mmmm he whine and cried and got upset cuz nurse woke him up . after the nurse left i told pa he can go back to sleep cuz i kick that nurses ass out , then he went back to sleep . sleeping peaceful .
suppose to go veiwing tmr , my sis s ex father in law passed away , knew him for many years , i got to thinkin last night uhh i dont wanna go and the more i thought about it the more i got upset , decided not to go , i have enuff of funeral homes and deathness around me . so fk it i aint going .....
kimberly- i know ure hiding in that apt . did that wolf spider greet ya yet ? i see babies wolf spiders , told em they got the wrong house , oh whats ur address i ll tell em to go that way , lol .
cricket, christina , cant wait to have a margaritta with u ladies ! u guys are so full of enegry and makes me wanna dance . :-) .
rossella- my garage used to smell like health hazzard place . i finaly ordered two bin and have the man come get em every tues to haul em away . whew ! open th ebin and toss it in there and hold my breath for a while till the smells finaly gone .
hope this winterstorm isnt a bad one this time around . oh so ure hoggin all that snow ! . we hardly got any this year and its prob why cuz the snow likes italy this year .... enjoy em my dear . springs just right around the corner ,
ok i best bet get my hindend up and do my daily chores ,
austin- love you dear and hope the lord sends u a perfect companiship for u to enjoy begin around with , .
bobbie - hug ur boat angel for me . xoxoxo
Bobbie I love that you are posting, I wish I knew more about your boat angel, like why is he called that? who is he? I must have missed something :( You are an Angel for being his wellness warrior! Sending good thoughts and prayers to both of you.
Shitzofrantic! Linda start giving Pa ice chips to suck on when he is awake to get water into him. The same thing happened to my friend Wilma and when the blood pressure gets really low they try to put them in the hospital on an IV to get the fluids in them. Maybe they won't try to do that with Pa because of the situation but it couldn't hurt to try with the ice chips. The story of Johnny with Pa was so touching!! It really makes one feel the strong presence and love of those who have gone before us. How connected they continue to be to us. When I was 13 my sister died and throughout my life there have been significant times where she has looked in on me and I felt her loving presence. It has to be frightening for you but at the same time comforting to know that Pa is being looked out for on both sides. It's sad that most people never experience the profoundness of how beautiful life is when it is gone. We on the other hand are in situations where we live that profound awareness everyday, it's a beautiful reality. It keeps us in the truth of what life is all about and what really matters...love.
I'm off to the Dentist today to get a broken mercury exposing tooth fixed! Thank God! After this tooth I will only have 1 last little old mercury filling to get removed and an old cap replaced then I will be done with this phase of wellness. Whoohoo! My house is a mess from all the running around I had to do with Dad and the time I've spent studying... but shitzofrantic!! it will eventually get done. hah!
Everyone have a great day, go look in the mirror and give yourself a hug and tell yourself you are doing the best you can!
Love Cricketღ
We had a nice sunny day today, I could take the car, walk the dogs (I forgot the camera! What a pity. The hills covered with melting snow were beautiful), while we are waiting for one more huge snowstorm for tomorrow. One more week of prison ahead of us! And then, I hope, the ultimate thaw!!!
Thanks to all here. I read your stories and realize how blessed my mother is and how I'm not alone in this journey.
Angelhair - amen on that. i chuckle (afterward) when my sib's tell me how exhausted they are. when they visit, they have a seat. it's not really funny, but most of the time, my legs are noodles, but I still end up making dinner and serving them anyway. when they leave with full bellies and feeling good that they've visited mom, I still have to care for her and do dishes.
burned out comes in all flavors it seems, but most of the time I don't have a clue how I make it through the day. somehow I do, prolly because I pray about it so much I know God is sick of hearing me asking for help.
the eldercare thing half works. mom says she's tired and her bp is high most days. the nurse there calls me nearly everyday, whether mom's attended or not. they are terrified she'll die on their watch I guess. so I've been keeping her home if she has high bp, or she says she's tired, or she feels dizzy or even if she just doesn't want to go. i am confused. if i send her, they make me feel like an ogre, if she stays home, i loose my respite break from my 24/7 job of caring for her.
silly. mom tells me stories about the other "students" at daycare and it seems to me that her health sounds downright perfect in comparison to most. RoFL!
luvCuz
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck....
So I told my sister, I won't ask her to do this again, come and be with my mother for two weeks. It's already a stretch. Mom's needs are just increasing. We all know how that is. It's getting to the point where I don't know how to put things, how to prioritize things, from, watch the bathrug, pick it up right away or she'll trip on it, to, I'm not sure she can really be left alone at all. I don't know how to say it. It's terrible, I just don't know. All the pills are boxed, I'm printing several medication lists, one for every drawer and one for my sister's purse, but it's all a stretch. My mom is having these hostile, bitter moods. It could provoke a bad reaction in my sister. They have history. I try to condition everything I say so that my sister will take the most favorable attitude, one that won't penalize my mother for being what she is right now, not too aware, not too loving to say the least (unlike her old self), and helpless. Not to say that I'm perfect or blameless.
I'm sure that this will be my last real vacation indefinitely. I'm so lucky to have it, though. I have that chance and so many don't. I'm trying to gather up my strength, clean out my head, I'll have the chance at last, so that I can be ready for the last part, when there'll be more to do and worry about, and we'll all have to get ready for the fact that an end is coming. I want to straighten all that out in my head. I guess first by trying to forget about it all... That car is packed so tight you couldn't fit a pack of Marlboro's in there. That's what a cop at an all-night diner said to me 25 years ago on a cross-country trip. That's how it's going to be! My fuel on the first marathon day will be peanut butter cookies and coffee, of course. Good night, everyone. OX
I am up earlier than usual because I'm searching for a pair of earrings I was going to lend a friend for her wedding. For some reason they are not in either jewelry box and I'm going nuts searching for them. I'm afraid I may have taken them off and carelessly not put them away and mom has put then up "for safe keeping". That means gone for good.
Rossella, I'll be praying for you and being locked up with mom. I know how much my mom whines when it is rainy, let alone snow. I think we are going to get our first real cold weather for the winter this week. Monday we are supposed to go down to 18F.
Bobbie, it's good to hear from you. SS, I'm glad dad took the news well about staying in the NH. I'm sure that is a huge weight off your shoulders. Hanna, enjoy your vacation and be safe on the roads. 900 miles is a lot of driving for the first day. I think 800 is the most I've done in one day and that was about 12 years ago.
Let me go get some coffee and maybe that will help my brain figure out where these earrings are. Have a good day my friends!
Love ya,
Diane
What a great group of caregivers here. I love reading all of the posts and am grateful for each and every one of you.
Cricket, the Boat Angel is the man who took over a lof of the engineering on this big boat and provided Air Conditioning by figuring out how/what the old units were and how to fix them. At this latitude, you can't be on this boat during the dog days without AC. He made it all nicey nice and then continued on to do little things to the boat while I was up in NJ dealing with the house and stuff. I was away from the boat for weeks at a time and I never worried about her because he would just walk down and stay here and because he couldn't sit still he would fix stuff. He never told me what he did, he waited for me to discover it and I would compare it to an Easter Egg hunt because I would be going about my day on the boat and then notice this or that had been fixed, upgraded or replaced. He knows that I want to cruise this boat way offshore and he is bound and determined to teach me the boat's systems because if I don't know how to handle the engine room it could sink the boat.
He has been putting off going back into the hospital and I got us Chinese food last night and it all came back up. He sat in the cockpit (back porch) and hurled while I slept. He just didn't want to go while so sick so we go tomorrow for sure and he will get more chemo and radiation.
He has a timeline of 6 to 18 months and so we are planning to go deep into the Caribbean while he still can. Maybe it will work, maybe not. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
He knows more about boats than any individual I have ever met and I think that's where it all started because I knew I could come to him with any question and he wouldn't berate me like most of the other guys do. He would just answer the question no matter how dumb it was. Every once in awhile I get him to really laugh because of the out-of-left-field questions.
He did give me a hard time yesterday when I asked him how much cold water the hull could handle. I see me taking this boat through the Canal and up the West coast possibly into Alaska and just didn't want the hull to crack open like an egg because it was in really cold water. He thought that was hilarious and said that it would give him something to laugh about in the hospital.
Turns out that it isn't an issue. Cool. Literally.
I have done some stupid shit on this boat and every once in awhile he loses his mind and laughs his ass off. I wrote about this before: the time I had to flip the boat around to put the starboard side against the dock and it was really windy and the ballast was out of the bow so the bowthruster wasn't as effective as it could be (this is a single screw.. way harder to drive than a twin) so it took me 4 attempts to come alongside the dock without hitting anything. he paced the dock while his son was on board with me and he told me later that he told his son that he might be out in the river with me for an hour and the kid said why? and Jeff said, you'll see.
I don't care really. I docked the sucker without hitting anything including the boat I was driving and that's always the prime objective. They teased me about that for a week.
It's different now because he has no energy. He can sit on the steps alongside the engine room door and coach me on what is going on and that is actually better than him just handling the work. I have to be able to do it myself, I have to know exactly what is going on so I don't hurt the crew, the boat or myself. I am learning.
This boat was overwhelming at first but I am learning its systems which is the most important thing.
I have been interviewing crew to take with us so it won't be just the two of us. I think that I may take 2 more people on the boat for a total of 4 which the boat can accomodate easily so we will be well prepared and I will have $ help with diesel. Ya baby.
It's day by day of course and it is what it is. I work at not being overcome by grief because of my parents, the house, the loss of my career and the fact that I have found myself in another caregiving situation.
We both feel that a boat trip is the best thing for both of us and only time will tell if I can get through this without breaking my heart totally in two. Those of you who know me for awhile know that my heart is pretty broken as it is..... just like each and every one of you.
Hannalee, glad you are going on a road trip!
bpryor! good to hear from you!
Rossella, one more blizzard and then Spring?
Flex! hope you found those earrings!
Cricket! glad you're getting those fillings handled! I still have some to go...
Linda, yes, that was a beautiful story about Johnny. give Pa a kiss for me.
Cuz! love you and thanks for the funny story.
Jen! how you feeling today?
Rip! hang in there gurl! get out in the world to see other people experience life, love and joy if you can't find your own right this minute.
If I can't find my own I borrow someone else's for a minute until I get situated again. My life has been nothing but losses for a long, long time and I struggle to keep my sense of humor sometimes and you guys know that it took awhile for me to even be able to write again but here I am, doing the best I can.
thanks you guys for being here. It makes all the difference doesn't it?
love you all way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
thanks for your prayers for the Boat Angel.
lovbob
Yesterday didn't turn out so well at the Dentist, it turns out they want me to get a root canal now and I'm about to say screw it, pull the damn tooth and put in an implant..I think it would cost less in the long run to. I did however get him to take out the last old metal filling. You want to hear something really gross? I've been eating tons of raw garlic for the last week! Wha?.. yep that's right, I have been craving it like crazy so I went to the deli and bought these tubs with lots of garlic cloves that are marinating in oil with hot peppers. The dentist said my tooth looks like the root is infected slightly, well garlic kills infection so I concluded my body craving the garlic must be it's intuitive wisdom for well being. Never underestimate the power we have to heal!! Hey Kris Carr is giving away her new book with over 50 juice, smoothie, healthy eating guide on Valentines Day at her website crazy sexy life dot com. Whoohoo! She is the Ultimate Wellness Warrior! Don't know if I shared this with you or not but she also wrote a book called Crazy Sexy Cancer. She got a rare form of untreatable Cancer at the age of 24 and was diagnosed with no hope from the doctors. That was years ago and now she is thriving and healthy and has helped tons of people. Okay enough of my blabbing.
Christina I know you're studying like mad, I can feel those brain waves from the left coast! :)
Gotta go, I have so much to do. Love you all, be safe and warm or cool!
Cricket
I don't know what you did for a living, but I also feel very sad to have lost my career. I left my job and moved to be closer to my mother, and in some part of her new personality, she thinks I made a tactical error and, essentially, I'm a loser. I want to just get over all that and try to be glad she does not feel guilty for having motivated me to do that. She was always so good to me, she was mother and father to me and my sister. I really don't want her to know what's going on. I'd like her old self to sleep through it.
As far as my talents and my career, I was so lucky to have what I had. This is the mental game I play: of the billion+ people in China, how many of them had pretty good talents equal to mine? A million? Of them, how many had an education, any chance to pursue their talents? Let's say 500,000. A generous estimate. Of those, who completed their dreams? Let's be conservative. Let's say 5000, or 1 percent. The rest of all those people had talents equal to mine, but no money, no education, no luck, perhaps no health, and perhaps they are farming rice in the country. Are they worse off? What are they doing with minds that could have done this other thing? I don't think they are worse off. It's all still in there. Dreams can lead you down blind alleys. Am I making any sense? Am I crazy? I spent a fortune and incurred lots of debt (still have it! Lucky me!) going to grad school. I learned several languages, and my friend told me, You're going to learn four languages. And then you'll die. And I also found out: in spite of what I heard, the knowledge of a language is not necessarily saleable. Well, am I sorry I did it? No. Though I'll pay my student loans to my dying day, I now have some nice furniture in my brain. It was worth it. Though it probably won't earn me a dime. Love,Hannalee.
Glad to meet you also. I do get me time. I make it a priority because I can't let myself get run down or there would be nothing left for my kids and husband.
Usually I'll take a day and go work out at the clubhouse here. I usually work out for 45 min to an hour and then I go swim laps for thirty min and spend half an hour in the hot tub. It's very relaxing. Actually, I've started taking my oldest daughter with me in the evenings, after putting my younger three kids to bed, and working out together after Nana gets home when I don't have to worry about him anymore. It's been nice. my husband works nights as a kitchen manager and cook for the restaurant where he works so he doesn't get home until midnight some nights. I have enjoyed the company and she seems to enjoy going with me. Not to mention I feel great right now with all of the exercising. I don't know how else to deal with the stress, but it seems to work for me.
Love you all, goodnight.
Cricket I can see the garlic thing, I think the body does tell what it needs, I got sick and craved nothing but potato chips and lemonade aid, potassium and lemon as expectorant...
Hello to all been readin' all the posts just not much to say here, just as well whine whine whine...
Angelhair, good move, to go swimming! I am a fan of water and every time I can go to the sea or the swimming pool I am a happy person.
Cricket, the root canal is better than an extraction! Try to save your teeth! I have had teeth treated with root canal for 20 years! They are still there and they are mine!
Bobbie what a beautiful story the one of the boat angel! I didn't know it. I am very sorry for you because when you are going to lose him it will be another huge sorrow. I like the idea of you going for a long trip with him! It is the best thing you can do for him.
Bpryor I hope your mother's tests give you reassuring answers... Try to keep some time for yourself in all of this!
Diane, it's snowing agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Another week of home prison is awaiting us. More photos tomorrow. My garden is fullllllllllllllllllllll of snow again.