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God bobbie you nailed it there. I agree. There are few exceptions...Most people are gonna find this extended life at all costs very costly. I bet it does kill people, literally and certainly figuratively. I often feel we are literally waiting for him to die. everyone is waiting for him to die and all the way we have grousing, arguing, stubborn smelly, perverted BS to deal with frazzling nerves and making this hellish. What may start out with best intentions and/or familial feeling of duty or love or thinking how much work can it be or what ever reason one has fro taking on elder care....You have not got a clue, until you do and then God help you...No one else will...Or few others will......If you need help, Get It, for you and the person you have taken on as your charge.
Selfish sib, I agree with bobbi that, to forget the siblings for they aren't helping anyway and do what you got to do for your own health. At least a facility their will be people their to help keep and eye on her if she does fall again. My mnl' brother had to the be placed into a NH for he kept falling so much that he literally cracked his head open and had to get about 30 stitches! The NH put a football helmet looking thing on his head to keep him from bumping his head. They were more medically able I guess to help him than my mnl and she had already said that she could not handle him because of his temper. MMM? I wander does she not think she has temper?
Diane, I would just come out and ask the sibs that you need help from them to all pitch in for it is their mom too! That what are you going to do when you can no long see to take care of your mom? You to get that eye exam and if they are too selfish to help you out with a pair of glasses then is their a clinic or something that can help pay for a pair? That is so awful of kin folks that have money to waste and don't even offer to help out. I guess sometimes you have to come straight out and let them know you need help for it is their mom as well. I wish you luck.
Cattail, maybe we can all come up to your place and play with the worms and then have a toss salad. ; )
Oh, just bought two books on AZ. First, "The 36-Hour Day." fifth ed. I think a few of y'all suggested this book. Second, "Alzheimer's for Dummies." Maybe that will have some humor to get me through. Now, I just got to get started and read them.
Its been a crazier weekend that I have time to explain. Today at work a worker suffered a head injury. The next few hours are critical for him. Anyways, Cattails I have been watching from the castle but have not been able to shout out to you all.
Lucky got his big collar taken off today and the Vet says he is looking really good!! I'm so happy! I'm doing the happy dance!! ♥ .))( ♫ .(ړײ) ♫. ♥ .«▓» ♥. ♫ ..╝╚.. ♫
So glad to hear Lucky is doing well. I just got back this evening, from taking Omaha to the Vet. I got up at 5 AM this morning. Was at the surgery center before 8. Waited around for 2 hours. The Vet finally came, and barely glanced at Omaha, and the X-ray I had brought. Said put him in a stall, and that they would have to keep him quite awhile. I didn't get much more than that, before he rushed off. I hated to leave him there, but the next closest Vet that can do this type of surgery is 10 hours away. Everyone I talked to said this guy is really good. I will try and call tomorrow and maybe I can find out more. Igore, I hope things get better and the worker with the head injury recovers. Diane, I sure hope you can get some help with your eyesight. Reading about the problems of taking care of parents is scary. How do you put someone in a nursing home that doesn't want to go? My Mom and step dad live just up the road. So far they don't need too much help. They both can still drive, manage cooking and cleaning. I used to say, I would happily take care of my Step father, if he got down, but I wouldn't lift a finger for my Mom. Now I'm not so sure. My stepfather used to be kind, generous, and fun loving. My Mother was cold, self centered, and abusive. But, now I see my Step father getting very childish, and difficult. While my Mother actually seems to be trying to make amends. I am almost starting to feel sorry for her.. She is getting very forgetful, and confused sometimes, but I can't believe how much nicer she is. I really love my step Dad, but if he keeps getting crankier I don't think I can handle it. What a guilt trip. I have to get to bed, been a long day. Love you guys.
Prayers for your coworker, Igore. A driver on one of my husband's jobs got his arm ripped off last week. 15 hours in surgery. Healing Blessings. Night night everyone. Ttyl. Love, Christina xo
Only this post today. Sent email to my brother and my mother yesterday, (remember, she's still independent, old, but independent), saying here are your options for Mom's living arrangements. Which included shipping her off to an apartment back in her hometown or brother takes her at least two months a year or I'm not re-upping the current lease. I did call my mother last night. She thinks I'm mad because "they don't visit." I could give two shits whether they visit or not!! I want help with the responsibility of her care, not a visit. So I told her to call my brother and figure it out or off you go. We shall see.
Off to the lawyers office in a few hours to file all the Medicaid paperwork for my Dad, (see there's two of them and ONE of me), which took me weeks to put together, life insurance policies to sell, selling stock we never knew he had, 5 years of bank statements, SS forms galore. Blah, blah, blah.....please enjoy the day everyone and luv to all!!
SS that is a lot of work I was amazed at the medicaide paperwork-it about drove me crazy and only got it started when my husband died-you probably know you can use his money to prepay the funeral. I am glad you got tough with you family-it is about time someone else steped up to the plate-we don't get any points for being dumped on-that's for sure.
Ok, so I lied about "the only post today!" Need to get going though.....June - thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I prepaid most of both of their funeral expenses as part of the spend down. And I am trying to get tough. But really, if no one steps up to the plate and says, yeah, I'll take her for a month or two, I'm right back to where I started and it will kill me. The only other thing I can do is refuse to sign the lease extension for her apartment (it's under my name because they don't have a credit history) and say then you'll need to go live with one of the other two or back to your hometown. I've pretty much already said all this, a few times now. I just don't get why people think I'm bluffing, cause I not. I'll keep you all posted.
Cricket, Christina, Bobbie, June, Jsomebody, Rosella, Dtflex, Cattails and all you angels, have a glorious day!! :)
selfishsibbling - i am so sorry that you gotta be the bad one . my brother s heart broke when he had to be the bad guy . my heart is with you dear . hope today s visit with lawyer will be a breeze for you . sending my angels with you dear . may u feel a weigh or 2 off your shoulders . love you SS .. meanwhile- sending a speedy recovery to ur horsey , i d love one day to ride ur horsey s back . i wanna kiss his nose :-) and hug him .
i am doing ok . lazy today . gonna kick my hindend up a little and start doing something . i went in dad s room and shook my head in shame . think dad s frowning at me , to leave his room dark and collecting dust . i think i shall go in there today , open up the curtains . make the bed . yep i think i ll do that . are u ready kuli ? come on over and we do it together . margaritta be ready too . hey we can smoke in dad s room :-) . bobbie ! where are you !!!! we ll need ur coffee afterwards . i love you all and love to have a reunion on barbara b "s boat :-) . when is the reunion bobbie ? injore - ow ! head injury is awful ! hope this week will be a peaceul week for u .
ted ! wheres ur cat ? im missing him ....
cuz - thinking of you and hope all is well at your way .
alrighty i m going to go make me one mean coffee and go stand in pa s room . wish me luck . xoxoxo
Kuli, I am so worried about you. Have you talked to a doctor? I don't think anyone should put a time limit on grief, but depression??? Is there something you would enjoy doing? Try and go for something. Your Dad would want that. I still hear my dear husband saying, "Get out of here, and go ride your horse". He said it in a very loving way. Linda, best wishes. Going through your Dad's old things is bound to bring back memories. Try to think of good ones. It is a beautiful day, and I'm going to saddle up a horse. Hope everyone else has a good day. (SS, stick to those guns). We are all behind you. Shirley
Just talked to the Vet. He just finished doing surgery on Omaha's nose. Said he had to take out a piece of bone that was pushed into the sinus cavity. But, there are dozens of breaks, even in the septum between the sinus's. He said he straightened it out as best he could. He still isn't breathing as well as he should. The Vet was worried about that. Hoping it gets better as some of the swelling goes down. Should know more in a few days. For those of you that don't know, Omaha is a 3 year old horse from the animal shelter, that got his nose crushed by a mountain lion bite. I am optimistic. This really sweet horse, is just meant to survive.
SS let us know how it went at the lawyer-I hope he was impressed for all you did on your own and hang tough do not renew the lease-it is time to have her someplace else and she should realize that I can not understand how selfish these people can be-my mother did very little for her mother greadma had her own little house which she stayed in and was no work for my mother until she was about 95 and she died at 96 my mother makes her hair appointment and then tells my sister when it is instead of asking if that day is ok with her-she could aford a taxi if the tennent who does things for her is busy-he does not work so he usually is available and if she was not such a witch my bil would do things for her.
Shirley, I hope Omaha starts to breathe better now and heals up. SS Please don't renew that lease! Once others see that you don't renew it they will know you mean what you say. Besides we can't wait on others to change our lives...we must take action ourselves. Lindaheart...go open the curtains and know that your Pa and the Angels are not far from you and only want to see you smile again. Love you!
Lucky is doing good, thanks guys for the positive comments.
SS: If I may add something. I think your mom needs to move back to her home town. (Which sib was it that lived within 15 minutes of where your mom use to live?) Find her a rental there and set up the meals on wheels, etc.
My feeling is that your brother may or may not come thru on promises of assistance once you renew the lease and your mom remains in your back yard. Plus, a single month a year break from her isn't going to really change your life. You will still be doing 100% of the work eleven months out of the year. That just gives you a little taste of what life could be like and then she'll be back. Not good enough.
I'd tell your brother that it's 2 month on and 2 months off on a continuous rotation basis. Nothing less than that and he will have to set her up with a local doctor to deal with any emergencies while she is in his care.
Still you are in the same boat if you have signed the lease and your brother doesn't come through.
Hope all went well with the attorney today. Love and Hugs, Cattails.
OMG: I also found my toothbrush with grey hair in it. The first time I didn't think how it got there, and cleaned out the hairs. It happened again, and I realized she was brushing her hair with my toothbrush. I keep my toothbrush hidden under the sink now. It is only "one" of the gross things she does. I used to sit down to eat with her, but cannot watch her eat anymore.....she picks bits of food out of her mouth the entire time she is chewing and leaves them on the rim of the plate. I will not buy cherries or grapes any more because as she chews, she picks the skin out of her mouth and lines them up along her plate or on the place mat. She belches and passes gas without excusing herself. I know she has dementia, but I can barely tolerate her bad manners--I cannot get beyond the repulsion. And there are other things. I cannot tell family members, because they don't want to hear it! It helps to know other caretakers are living with these atrocities. And I too will not use any utensils or bowls unlease they went through the full dishwasher cycle for the same reason mizunderstood cites. And she uses her fingers INSTEAD of the toothbrush. It amazes me I can even live with this--much more than feeling bad about being repulsed. She is lucky I keep her here with these disgusting practices. I will never get used to this!!!!
I only have a question/statement here. How did you react with your small children with the eating etc. Please take time to make sure mom's hands are clean when time to eat. Use and cloth napkin at the neckline and work with them. The eating may gross you out but when they are gone you will not remember this part of the caregiving just as when your children grow up you don't keep reminding them of how gross is was to watch them eat. Grooming items maybe need to be put away so mom does not see them when she is in the restroom. Just remember all this shall pass, we didn't come into this world knowing table manners etc and as the mind wonders so does the skills we once took for granted. Be patient and think of what your monther must have thought of your manners at age 0-5. Hopefully at least she isn't throwing food like sibblings do from time to time.
A miracle happened this evening........all the guys cleared out of the house for almost 4 hours! It was so awesome to have my house to myself. I gave all 4 dogs a bath, did my workout and watched TV while doing so (without interruptions) finished a ton of towels and sheets in the laundry then cooked myself a really healthy dinner and got to eat in peace and quiet. I even got the kitchen all cleaned up and shined up! Ahh...it was so nice! Sighs... I hope the weather stays nice and they go out to the car show again next week. It's amazing how even the littlest things can mean so much to us when we don't get them. I hope everyone is having a pleasant night.
Share/Bookmark By Claudia Marshall-Apers Alzheimer's Reading Room
A spider sits in the middle of its web, spinning.
That spider is the brain of the Alzheimer's sufferer.
You jump into the web to help free the Alzheimer's sufferer. Instead you become trapped in the web as well.
The spider wraps you around and around with its amyloid plaques and tangles. You suddenly feel like a cocoon, unable to move. Oddly, no one is jumping in to free YOU, the accidental caregiver.
This makes you angry.
But you are too busy dealing with the situation to dwell on it. Yet you don't know how you can keep this up and for how long. What if something happens to me? You feel pretty sure that it will.
Slowly, you figure out how to function in this position in which you find yourself.
Somehow you learn how to breathe, move and meet your own needs as well as those of the Alzheimer's sufferer that you are helping.
You find out that the more you smile and create positive fun experiences for both you and the Alzheimer's sufferer the better they are and the better you are.
They smile. They laugh. They say things that make you smile and laugh.
You begin to break free.
You have figured out how to provide Sustainable Caregiving.
The spider has not devoured you. A wing emerges. You have become a butterfly.
Linda!! Diane!!!! OBMAJ!!!! real oldie but goodie!!!! Deef here and chuckling on the phone with Rip at the moment.
How are you girls doing? Know both of you have been through much these past few months and sure hope things are looking up. Been hectic as all hell around here as usual. Mom had a bad fall in January and broke her wrist. Got the cast off a few weeks ago. It was a huge problem for her and we waited for the day it came off. Now we wish it was back on. She's like an octopus!!!!! Grabbing everything in her wake!!! She's been staving off the UTI's for a while now and is doing better. But that one brain cell that's left is fading fast. Losing a few myself now. Husband still home and driving me CRAZY!!!! Okay, need to get back to Rip, on the phone, then bed for me!!! Night everyone!!! Deef
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Diane, I would just come out and ask the sibs that you need help from them to all pitch in for it is their mom too! That what are you going to do when you can no long see to take care of your mom? You to get that eye exam and if they are too selfish to help you out with a pair of glasses then is their a clinic or something that can help pay for a pair? That is so awful of kin folks that have money to waste and don't even offer to help out. I guess sometimes you have to come straight out and let them know you need help for it is their mom as well. I wish you luck.
Cattail, maybe we can all come up to your place and play with the worms and then have a toss salad. ; )
Its been a crazier weekend that I have time to explain. Today at work a worker suffered a head injury. The next few hours are critical for him. Anyways, Cattails I have been watching from the castle but have not been able to shout out to you all.
Have a great evening,
Igore
♥ .))(
♫ .(ړײ) ♫.
♥ .«▓» ♥.
♫ ..╝╚.. ♫
Igore, I hope things get better and the worker with the head injury recovers. Diane, I sure hope you can get some help with your eyesight.
Reading about the problems of taking care of parents is scary. How do you put someone in a nursing home that doesn't want to go? My Mom and step dad live just up the road. So far they don't need too much help. They both can still drive, manage cooking and cleaning.
I used to say, I would happily take care of my Step father, if he got down, but I wouldn't lift a finger for my Mom. Now I'm not so sure. My stepfather used to be kind, generous, and fun loving. My Mother was cold, self centered, and abusive. But, now I see my Step father getting very childish, and difficult. While my Mother actually seems to be trying to make amends. I am almost starting to feel sorry for her.. She is getting very forgetful, and confused sometimes, but I can't believe how much nicer she is. I really love my step Dad, but if he keeps getting crankier I don't think I can handle it. What a guilt trip.
I have to get to bed, been a long day. Love you guys.
Night night everyone. Ttyl. Love, Christina xo
Cricket: So happy for our Lucky. Keep us posted.
Meanwhile. I'm keeping Omaha in my prayers.
Bobbie: Someday I'm going to travel to your BOAT and meet you face to face.
Lildeb: We could toss a salad or feed Jo Mama In Law to the worms.
Jen: Your grandpa can go to the worms too.
Love to everyone, Cattails.
Only this post today. Sent email to my brother and my mother yesterday, (remember, she's still independent, old, but independent), saying here are your options for Mom's living arrangements. Which included shipping her off to an apartment back in her hometown or brother takes her at least two months a year or I'm not re-upping the current lease. I did call my mother last night. She thinks I'm mad because "they don't visit." I could give two shits whether they visit or not!! I want help with the responsibility of her care, not a visit. So I told her to call my brother and figure it out or off you go. We shall see.
Off to the lawyers office in a few hours to file all the Medicaid paperwork for my Dad, (see there's two of them and ONE of me), which took me weeks to put together, life insurance policies to sell, selling stock we never knew he had, 5 years of bank statements, SS forms galore. Blah, blah, blah.....please enjoy the day everyone and luv to all!!
Cricket, Christina, Bobbie, June, Jsomebody, Rosella, Dtflex, Cattails and all you angels, have a glorious day!! :)
Much luv,
-SS
my heart is with you dear . hope today s visit with lawyer will be a breeze for you . sending my angels with you dear . may u feel a weigh or 2 off your shoulders . love you SS ..
meanwhile- sending a speedy recovery to ur horsey , i d love one day to ride ur horsey s back . i wanna kiss his nose :-) and hug him .
i am doing ok . lazy today . gonna kick my hindend up a little and start doing something . i went in dad s room and shook my head in shame . think dad s frowning at me , to leave his room dark and collecting dust . i think i shall go in there today , open up the curtains . make the bed . yep i think i ll do that . are u ready kuli ? come on over and we do it together . margaritta be ready too . hey we can smoke in dad s room :-) . bobbie ! where are you !!!! we ll need ur coffee afterwards . i love you all and love to have a reunion on barbara b "s boat :-) . when is the reunion bobbie ?
injore - ow ! head injury is awful ! hope this week will be a peaceul week for u .
ted ! wheres ur cat ? im missing him ....
cuz - thinking of you and hope all is well at your way .
alrighty i m going to go make me one mean coffee and go stand in pa s room . wish me luck . xoxoxo
Linda, best wishes. Going through your Dad's old things is bound to bring back memories. Try to think of good ones.
It is a beautiful day, and I'm going to saddle up a horse.
Hope everyone else has a good day. (SS, stick to those guns). We are all behind you. Shirley
SS Please don't renew that lease! Once others see that you don't renew it they will know you mean what you say. Besides we can't wait on others to change our lives...we must take action ourselves.
Lindaheart...go open the curtains and know that your Pa and the Angels are not far from you and only want to see you smile again. Love you!
Lucky is doing good, thanks guys for the positive comments.
Love to All,
Cricket♥
My feeling is that your brother may or may not come thru on promises of assistance once you renew the lease and your mom remains in your back yard. Plus, a single month a year break from her isn't going to really change your life. You will still be doing 100% of the work eleven months out of the year. That just gives you a little taste of what life could be like and then she'll be back. Not good enough.
I'd tell your brother that it's 2 month on and 2 months off on a continuous rotation basis. Nothing less than that and he will have to set her up with a local doctor to deal with any emergencies while she is in his care.
Still you are in the same boat if you have signed the lease and your brother doesn't come through.
Hope all went well with the attorney today. Love and Hugs, Cattails.
A miracle happened this evening........all the guys cleared out of the house for almost 4 hours! It was so awesome to have my house to myself. I gave all 4 dogs a bath, did my workout and watched TV while doing so (without interruptions) finished a ton of towels and sheets in the laundry then cooked myself a really healthy dinner and got to eat in peace and quiet. I even got the kitchen all cleaned up and shined up! Ahh...it was so nice! Sighs... I hope the weather stays nice and they go out to the car show again next week. It's amazing how even the littlest things can mean so much to us when we don't get them. I hope everyone is having a pleasant night.
Love Cricketღ
Share/Bookmark
By Claudia Marshall-Apers
Alzheimer's Reading Room
A spider sits in the middle of its web, spinning.
That spider is the brain of the Alzheimer's sufferer.
You jump into the web to help free the Alzheimer's sufferer. Instead you become trapped in the web as well.
The spider wraps you around and around with its amyloid plaques and tangles. You suddenly feel like a cocoon, unable to move. Oddly, no one is jumping in to free YOU, the accidental caregiver.
This makes you angry.
But you are too busy dealing with the situation to dwell on it. Yet you don't know how you can keep this up and for how long. What if something happens to me? You feel pretty sure that it will.
Slowly, you figure out how to function in this position in which you find yourself.
Somehow you learn how to breathe, move and meet your own needs as well as those of the Alzheimer's sufferer that you are helping.
You find out that the more you smile and create positive fun experiences for both you and the Alzheimer's sufferer the better they are and the better you are.
They smile. They laugh. They say things that make you smile and laugh.
You begin to break free.
You have figured out how to provide Sustainable Caregiving.
The spider has not devoured you. A wing emerges. You have become a butterfly.
I hear Deeer punching her keyboard!
How are you girls doing? Know both of you have been through much these past few months and sure hope things are looking up. Been hectic as all hell around here as usual. Mom had a bad fall in January and broke her wrist. Got the cast off a few weeks ago. It was a huge problem for her and we waited for the day it came off. Now we wish it was back on. She's like an octopus!!!!! Grabbing everything in her wake!!!
She's been staving off the UTI's for a while now and is doing better. But that one brain cell that's left is fading fast. Losing a few myself now. Husband still home and driving me CRAZY!!!!
Okay, need to get back to Rip, on the phone, then bed for me!!! Night everyone!!! Deef