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My elderly father-in-law not only has revolting, piggish table manners, he takes his teeth out and puts them on the table and then picks food out of them and eats it or wipes it on the tablecloth. In restaurants he does all this in addition to blowing his nose in his napkin and then leaving it on the table. And yet my DH sees no reason not to keep taking him out to nice restaurants. I can't even look at my father-in-law while he's eating, and I feel like the meanest, worst person in the world.
Hi Betty: Welcome to Grossed Out. May I just say you certainly grossed me out. My stomach can't take watching someone with revolting, piggish table manners. Especially when there is no medical reason for it. I can wipe ass with the best of them, but if someone put their teeth on the table and started picking food out of them, that would be the last time it happened in my company. DH and Dad would find themselves ordering a table to two on future outings and I would be going out to eat with a girl friend. Maybe you should slip some of those fake wind up teeth next to him. the next time he pulls that stunt. Better yet, don't be there next time.
See, Betty, you thought you were the meanest person in the world and now you know it's not true.
Keep visiting GO. I just came in my office to check my computer because I didn't want to be in the kitchen and listen to my dad slurp, smack, and cough with his mouth open. Now I have something new to be grateful for. His teeth are real.
I am also grateful that my FIL's teeth are real. It is always nice to find something more to be grateful for; it puts everything else into perspective.
Ugh! My grandmother did the exact same thing, scraping food out of her false teeth or, worse... licking it off. Sick. I'd forgotten all about that until I read the comment. I'm gonna have nightmares now.
Betty, I wouldn't feel mean for I would be pretty gross too and especially out to eat somewhere. But, just keep looking the other way and try to remember he is not in his right mindset. What if someone had a cleaning wipe and slide it over to him right before he starts to pull those suckers out and maybe he will wipe them instead of eating his left-overs. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. That is what you are going to have to try and do is find some sort of humor in order to ignore the nasty fil table manners.
Cat, I like the idea of the wind up false teeth. that would just be too hilarious and I would be dying laughing at the table with them. I would probable do that just to get a laugh if nothing else. You are just so lucky yours have 'real-teeth.' My mnl when swollen water or soda sounds like a freight train with a loud gulp and this is an 80 year old woman and every bit 75lbs soaking wet! Luckily, she don'y pull her teeth out at the table she will sometimes pull them out at the kitchen sinks to clean them and that is gross enough for me. I never see her clean them except with water. double gross!
Judy, try not to have any false teeth self-licking clean night mares. ; ) This is why I come on here for you gotta laugh it off sometimes or you will snap.
Haha! Thanks, deb! I'm trying to get that whole Nana-licking-her-false-teeth visual out of my head. Gives me goosebumps. This week seems to be fart week with my mother. I'm going to withhold the raisins or bran. I just said, in a caregiver story, how I feel like we're being trailed by a duck wherever we go. Poor Mom. She finds it so humiliating. Usually, her constant string of complaints, which has become her only form of conversation, drives me insane. I leave her house with a stiff neck and a headache from the tension of it all. Its always a pity party with her. Anyway, the farting has provided some comic relief this week. On second thought... maybe I should make sure she gets plenty of raisins so we can keep that duck trailling her. This has been a pretty good week!
I gag over Mom's false teeth all the time!!! She sits in her wheelchair with them hanging down in her mouth, huge gobs of drool sliding down her chin. She no longer "gets" the taking them out at night to clean them. Even though she spends most of her day with her mouth hanging open, she clamps it tight when it's time to eat or take them suckers out. They are always covered in slime and really make me gag first thing in the morning. I have to clean them because she has no clue about hygiene anymore. As for restaurants, the last time Merry and I took her to Taco Bell, was on the way home from a doctor appointment about 2 years ago. We were busy eating and didn't realize she had all but taken her shirt off in the restaurant. Her arms were out and it was almost over her head when we noticed what she was doing. We sure got out of there fast!!! As for farting, Mom always seems to let loose when we are bent over wiping her butt! She laughs harder than we do. Seems the UTI is a thing of the past and she is a bit more coherent than she was the last couple weeks. If she would only stop licking her fingers!!! Cattails, Christina, thanks for the invites to visit. I would love to meet all of you. My next big trip is already promised to Rip again, and we plan on visiting with Jen this time. Maybe S.C. someday. My older sister is in Virginia and a best friend is in Portsmouth,Va. S.C. could be part of my east coast trip. A drive down the west coast is a dream of my husband's, so maybe someday, Ca. could be a possibility! Okay, got a sink full of dishes, then make sure Mom is out for the night, then bed for me!!!
I work part time at a Dentist office. Once in awhile we get some elderly person in that has no sense of hygiene anymore. I've seen teeth covered with thick slime. Of course they start to get lots of cavities when they get like that. And, the breath would knock over a horse. Had an old lady one day, pull her skirt all the way up, and ask the Doctor if he could fix her hip. Oh the triplet goats are doing well. The runt was the smallest goat kid I've ever seen, only 3 and half pounds. By comparison the other 2 were 8 and 6 pounds. But, the little guy is a fighter. Have given him some extra bottles, and now he is nursing on his own, getting stronger. Changed the oil in the ranch truck this afternoon, it is a diesel. Really messy, have to get a shower, then bed for me too.
Judy, lildeb, deef, meanwhile and of course Betty: Thanks for the laughs. You guys really know how to gross a person out. Ha Ha!!! I'll go to bed laughing tonight.
Thanks for the support, everyone. So glad I found the Grossout thread. Now I can laugh (and not just gag). Love the idea of the wind-up false teeth! Maybe I will try that. So far what I have tried is to be tactful. I've offered FIL a few preemptive toothpicks as we enter a restaurant, and last time we went out I passed a small sealed packet of tissues across the table to him, "because I've noticed that sometimes you need to blow your nose and get stuck using your napkin." Nothing doing, though -- same old same old -- and not only that, DH chastised me for "ruining" his dad's outing by "shaming" him! DH doesn't seem to grasp the extent to which, on a GOOD day, his dad's disgusting table manners must be turning stomachs left and right at some very nice restaurants. Seriously, I wonder if he's waiting until some restaurant manager kicks us to the curb.
Betty: Don't let DH shame you. You don't have to be the judge of your father in law. You can just be the judge of you. You don't have the stomach for it. You don't want to be part of the dining out with father in law. It makes you sick and you can't enjoy your meal. It's very simple. You won't impose on fil terrible manners, but you will not go to a restaurant in the future with him. Done, finished, over and out. DH and fil can enjoy their meals together. You are out of there.
Betty...I agree with Cattails and Austin - you probably should exclude yourself from the dinner outings with your father in law because you can't change him, and honestly, you shouldn't have to endure grossness of that magnitude! The only thing, is that your husband might be hurt over it. I guess I'd be frank with my husband and tell him that its money wasted on a dinner that I can't enjoy and that he'd benefit from the time alone with his dad anyway. You're in a tough spot, really. If you go to dinner, its a vile experience. If you avoid it, your husband might be upset that you're hurting his dad's feelings or his feelings. One thing is for sure, you're not going to change the old man, so you've got to change what you can subject yourself to. I don't envy you on this!
Good morning all! My mom takes her teeth out for bed and licks them before she puts them in the little cup-ugh! I told her not to do that and she looked at me like I was crazy and asked "why not?". Totally grosses me out! Farts are hysterical in this house...as she gets terribly embarrassed so we make light of it...or blame the dog...She thinks that is sooo funny. Yesterday she had a terrible bout of diahrrea and felt terrible that it happened...I just looked at her and said "Shit happens mom" and she was doubled over laughing! What else can we do??? Laughter is the best medicine!
BettyB, Does DH stand for Dear Husband? Maybe you should change it to DA for Dumb Ass! Bet you dimes to dollars he would NOT go out to eat with his father alone! Then he would have to be embarrassed all by himself.
I can not wait to see if he goes with his father by himself-he should you are not telling him not to go just it grosses you out and you should not have to endure that behaivor-or maybe Pop will not act that way if they are alone-interesting.
195Austin, that's an interesting point. There is a kind of belligerence and FU factor to my FIL's behavior around this, though I would probably call it passive aggression. Anyway, best not to take it personally at all, in any way. If I'm going to be helpful in this situation overall, I need to be coming from a more openhearted place, and that place is better protected if I'm not opening myself to gratuitous bouts of disgust (as opposed to all the disgust-fests that just can't be helped).
We're finally at the point where mom doesn't know me anymore. While that was a little hurtful, it's nothing compared to seeing my mom as the empty shell of the woman she was for so many years: active, alert, busy, socially active, a strong woman, ahead of her time basically. I admit, and am proud, I inherited much of my strength from her. I only hope she passes quietly in her sleep so she can at least go out with what little dignity she has left.
And now for the gross part of her life: there's no dignity in sitting in wet or pooped in pants, and then denying she should change her clothes! She always says she's just been to the bathroom whenever she's asked, or flat refuses when told to "powder her nose" before going to meals. It's smelly, it's gross, and flat out disgusting! The aides at her AL center can "encourage" her to go, change, etc., but if she flat refuses then they're done. That's above their pay grade I guess!
Her upper denture rides in her bra most days. Since she never would go for fittings or adjustments, the plate never fit her mouth so she chose not to wear it, but keeps it on her. We've found it on the floor, on the table under a snotty kleenex, and UNDER HER BED.
Aging isn't for sissies, so I'd been told since I was a kid, but it's also not for the faint-hearted care-givers! You see, smell, and witness it all! Unfortunately, we're beyond humor now where mom is concerned. She's offended if you try laughter, and is embarrassed the rest of the time so resorts to denial, IF she's still talking to you! Beligerence: thy name is MOM.
Cindretha: I'm really so sorry about your mom and I can understand that you are beyond humor. All you have now is the shell of your mom with some little remaining threads that can still feel embarrassed. How very sad. It's a terrible disease. Hugs, Cattails.
And hugs to everyone. I hope we all get a good night sleep and that tomorrow will be a better day.
Thank goodness mom isn't to the stage of eating "leftovers" from her false teeth. GROSS!!! I get grossed out by false teeth on a good day. I'm still trying to keep the black hole at bay. Sister arrives on Wednesday and I'm bracing for whatever crap she plans to stir up. The harder I try to be patient with mom, the more irritating her behaviors get. Mom fell on Friday when my brother was here and I've noticed since then she is leaning to the right. She stands & sits leaning to the right. I'm going to call the doc tomorrow and see if she thinks it was a a TIA that may have caused the fall and the leaning. On the positive side I did get to go back to bed and sleep for 3.5 hours today. Spend the rest of the day puttering around in the yard while mom sat outside with me. Then put together some stuff for my garage sale on May 12th. Its hard to get anything done when mom needs something every few minutes.
Well, let me see if I can get a few more things dome before I call it a night. Sweet dreams all.
Diane: I have to tell you something. Last week, I took the first nap I have ever taken in the past year. I was just so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. My husband happen to be home so I asked if he would mind holding down the fort. I went upstairs and closed the bedroom door.....in broad daylight no less. It was so quiet and peaceful. I felt like I was a hundred miles away from all possible troubles. I slept for 3 hours. Hubby did lunch for dad and it was like a mini vacation.
Oh Diane and Cattails-I have felt so guilty over the years-not being able to get anything done-cause every time I start something she calls me to come do something for her! Things are started everywhere! And my hubby has been so wonderful about not getting upset about it! But somehow I still feel guilty! And a nap! Good God! Isn't that a wonderful thing! And even better when someone is around to take the monitor so I don't have to hear her TV station so loud as I try and sleep! One day my sister came over and she couldn't believe how excited I was to go take a nap without the monitor! No noise-no worry-no waiting for her to call out! I told my hubby that when mother does die, I am taking a hammer to that monitor and it will end up in the tiniest of pieces-NEVER to be heard from again!!!!! Good night all!
Here's an idea. Let's all save our monitors and after our parents have passed, let's get together, make a big batch of margaritas and smash monitors. (We could even include some false teeth.)
AND THEN HE TURNED THE GOD DAMN AIR PURIFIER OFF AFTER AN HOUR! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I AM SO GAD DAMN SICK OF HIM...HE WENT TO BED AND I WAITED AN CREPT IN PULLED MY SHIRT OVER MY NOSE AND TURNED IT BACK ON! IT ALREADY STUNK TO HIGH HELL AFTER HAVING THE DOOR CLOSED FOR FORTY MINUTES!!! AND I TOOK OUT ALL THE POOPY DIAPERS HOURS AGO!!!! GOD I BEG YOU MAKE THIS END, KILL HIM, KILL ME, BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!!! PLEASE JUST MAKE THIS END!!!!
JUST MAKE IT END..............................................
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
See, Betty, you thought you were the meanest person in the world and now you know it's not true.
Keep visiting GO. I just came in my office to check my computer because I didn't want to be in the kitchen and listen to my dad slurp, smack, and cough with his mouth open. Now I have something new to be grateful for. His teeth are real.
Hugs Betty, Cattails.
Cat, I like the idea of the wind up false teeth. that would just be too hilarious and I would be dying laughing at the table with them. I would probable do that just to get a laugh if nothing else. You are just so lucky yours have 'real-teeth.' My mnl when swollen water or soda sounds like a freight train with a loud gulp and this is an 80 year old woman and every bit 75lbs soaking wet! Luckily, she don'y pull her teeth out at the table she will sometimes pull them out at the kitchen sinks to clean them and that is gross enough for me. I never see her clean them except with water. double gross!
Judy, try not to have any false teeth self-licking clean night mares. ; )
This is why I come on here for you gotta laugh it off sometimes or you will snap.
As for restaurants, the last time Merry and I took her to Taco Bell, was on the way home from a doctor appointment about 2 years ago. We were busy eating and didn't realize she had all but taken her shirt off in the restaurant. Her arms were out and it was almost over her head when we noticed what she was doing. We sure got out of there fast!!!
As for farting, Mom always seems to let loose when we are bent over wiping her butt! She laughs harder than we do.
Seems the UTI is a thing of the past and she is a bit more coherent than she was the last couple weeks. If she would only stop licking her fingers!!!
Cattails, Christina, thanks for the invites to visit. I would love to meet all of you. My next big trip is already promised to Rip again, and we plan on visiting with Jen this time. Maybe S.C. someday. My older sister is in Virginia and a best friend is in Portsmouth,Va. S.C. could be part of my east coast trip. A drive down the west coast is a dream of my husband's, so maybe someday, Ca. could be a possibility!
Okay, got a sink full of dishes, then make sure Mom is out for the night, then bed for me!!!
Oh the triplet goats are doing well. The runt was the smallest goat kid I've ever seen, only 3 and half pounds. By comparison the other 2 were 8 and 6 pounds. But, the little guy is a fighter. Have given him some extra bottles, and now he is nursing on his own, getting stronger.
Changed the oil in the ranch truck this afternoon, it is a diesel. Really messy, have to get a shower, then bed for me too.
Hugs, Cattails
Farts are hysterical in this house...as she gets terribly embarrassed so we make light of it...or blame the dog...She thinks that is sooo funny. Yesterday she had a terrible bout of diahrrea and felt terrible that it happened...I just looked at her and said "Shit happens mom" and she was doubled over laughing! What else can we do??? Laughter is the best medicine!
Her upper denture rides in her bra most days. Since she never would go for fittings or adjustments, the plate never fit her mouth so she chose not to wear it, but keeps it on her. We've found it on the floor, on the table under a snotty kleenex, and UNDER HER BED.
Aging isn't for sissies, so I'd been told since I was a kid, but it's also not for the faint-hearted care-givers! You see, smell, and witness it all! Unfortunately, we're beyond humor now where mom is concerned. She's offended if you try laughter, and is embarrassed the rest of the time so resorts to denial, IF she's still talking to you! Beligerence: thy name is MOM.
And hugs to everyone. I hope we all get a good night sleep and that tomorrow will be a better day.
I'm still trying to keep the black hole at bay. Sister arrives on Wednesday and I'm bracing for whatever crap she plans to stir up. The harder I try to be patient with mom, the more irritating her behaviors get. Mom fell on Friday when my brother was here and I've noticed since then she is leaning to the right. She stands & sits leaning to the right. I'm going to call the doc tomorrow and see if she thinks it was a a TIA that may have caused the fall and the leaning.
On the positive side I did get to go back to bed and sleep for 3.5 hours today. Spend the rest of the day puttering around in the yard while mom sat outside with me. Then put together some stuff for my garage sale on May 12th. Its hard to get anything done when mom needs something every few minutes.
Well, let me see if I can get a few more things dome before I call it a night. Sweet dreams all.
Love ya,
Diane
Hugs, Cattails.
JUST MAKE IT END..............................................