Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

So much for planting!! Got as far as clearing out weeds and turning the soil over. My back went into spasm and I barely made it to the house! Still can't stand up straight! Sucks to get old!!!!

Oh Kathy, I feel for you with the bad back. Go put some ice on it. Feel better

Thanks everyone, for giving a crap. Now I'm laughing about ! :)

I'm a little late, but I give a crap too. Care giving is a pretty thankless job. Seems like the people your trying to take care of don't want help. And everyone else tries to ignore the situation, and make excuses. I feel for the back spasms too. Stretching helps mine when it acts up. Diane, sorry about your sister, you're right, she's nuts. Fly all the way out, say shes going to help, then change her mind.
I feel a little guilty, for having such a nice day. My usual horse was stiff this morning (from an allergic reaction to his vaccines last week). So ended up taking my 30 year old Appaloosa, It was a slow easy ride, My sister is still riding her 30 year old horse, even though he is nearly blind. The 2 old guys are just really tough, Hope everyone has a quiet Sunday.

Crossing the Sahara

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'
'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'
'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'
'Anything, Father.'
'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'
'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
'Father, could I ask something of you?'
'Yes, Sister?'
'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'
'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.
'Oh Father, may I touch it?'
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give Life.'
'Is that true, Father?'
'Yes, it is, Sister.'
'Oh Father, that's wonderful ...
Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!

meanwhile2, Oh, I envy you. I think it's probably been about 10 years since I was on the back of a horse. I used to train them for a guy when I was in high school. When I got married and started moving around I just seemed to gradually stop riding. I look at the horses around here with longing, but I don't even own my own saddle anymore; and you know, that's really sad because I always thought that I would keep a saddle around just in case I had the chance to ride again. When my old horse got sick and had to be put down my father also sold the other horse and all of the saddles and gear. Including mine. I didn't care at the time because I hadn't used it in years, but now I really wish I had kept it. I used to live on horseback. I'd ride my horse everywhere. To my friends houses, to the store, to the lake, even to work. I used to spend four hours a day on the back of horses just working them and training them. It seems like another life; and maybe it was. Sometimes I really miss that part of my life. There is just something peaceful about the sway of a horse's step as your moving along the trail; and the wildness of going at a full gallop with the wind in your hair and the sun at your back is unforgettable, or riding bareback and swimming in the lake on a hot day. I don't know, someday maybe. Enjoy your horses and think of me as you ride. Maybe I can live vicariously through you, ha ha. lol

I had to lift FIL into bed last night which I must say was no simple feat considering he outweighs me by 70 lbs. He was hanging half off the bed when I put him to bed and he just couldn't understand what I was telling him when I said to move over. He would have fallen right onto the floor if I hadn't been holding him there. Finally I braced my legs and heaved him over. Oh my goodness is he heavy. Nothing like GGIL. I can lift her with no problem she's so lite and petite. Anyway, FIL is deteriorating quite rapidly. On a good note he doesn't have as many violent episodes or angry outbursts. However, he has slowed to the point that he is hunched over and shuffles his feet when he walks. He doesn't understand to stand up straight. He doesn't seem to understand much of anything anymore. He used to love to help around the house, but he can't seem to understand enough to do anything. Example, I gave him some soapy water to "wash the counter". I thought he would feel like he was helping and he could make as much of a mess as he wanted and I would clean it up later. He stood there and stared at the water. He got his hands wet, but he just stood there confused and unsure of what I wanted. I took his hand and helped him wipe the counter. When we finished I sat him down and gave him some magazines to finger through. I left to use the bathroom. Heaven forbid I take ten minutes to go to the bathroom. I get back and there he was playing with the knives. Somehow he had gotten them out of the drawer and layed them out on the table, and cut all of the stems and leaves off my Lilies. I put all of the knives away and threw my plant away while chastising him for messing with the knives because they were sharp and he could get cut knowing full well that he didn't understand a word I said. I have hidden the knives in a different place.The whole time I was doing all this I was thinking "How is it that you can't understand how to wash a counter, but you can lay all the knives out straight without cutting yourself and cut my plants to peices in less than 10 minutes?" You should have heard him when I took the knives away from him. "No no no" he says . That seems to be mostly what he can get out anymore that isn't an unintelligible garble. Although, the other day we were having supper and my husband says "Could you please go sit at the other table?" and FIL says "Do I smell that bad?" We were shocked, he hadn't said anything that clear for the longest time. We explained that it was supper time and he said "ok". It's little moments of clarity like that which tell us he is still there, even if just a little. Well, I had better go. Love you all and I hope you all have a great night.

Meanwhile, how is Omaha doing? I'm glad you had a good day and the old horses got to share it with you.

Angelhair: Think 4 years from now, maybe sooner. You'll have finished school, have a following in your profession. Your husband will hopefully be making more money. Maybe some of those in your care will have gone to their final reward.

You don't have to own a horse to ride. Find some stables that need help exercising horses. I think you should treasure your passions and find a way to fill a couple hours with something that makes your heart sing. Keep it on the front burner and talk to those who know horses, vets and stables. You'll meet those of like minds.

Cuz: Thanks for the joke. I've missed them and tried to fill in a little with my blond joke. Hope you and Bobbie are doing well.

I'm bummed out today. I have all this lovely environment to enjoy, but only get to do it from my kitchen window. I have a caregiver, MWF for 3 hours, but today the sun was shining and I so wanted to get on the riding mower. It's about 5 hours of mowing here and right now it's needs doing twice a week. My husband had to do the mowing. I could have helped because we have two mowers, but I had to stay inside to watch Dad. Hubby took a break so I went out to pick up dog poop in our fenced in yard (close to an acre) so he could mow when I was done picking up poop. Believe me, I'm not complaining. It was so beautiful out and we had about 16 geese on the pond and our two families with babies that I could watch close up and personal. Who would have thought that picking up dog poop could be so relaxing.

I would so love to have my life back and just be free to take care of the necessities. No pity party here, but sometimes I just feel sad.

Hope everyone enjoys the super moon and has a good Sunday. Cattails.

Angelhair. You have my sympathy and understanding. You think they are not there and it helps you feel ok that they should just pass on, but then they say something that lets you see they are still there. It affects us. Oh, they're still there. What should I do to make that more real and then the next day they seem to be away again. And you are just back to maintaining the walking dead so to speak. In the meantime, you years just keep ticking away. Cattails.

Angel, if you lived nearby, you could borrow one of my horses. They could always use more exercise. My cousins daughter, is crazy about horses, but owning one was not in the budget. She found a stable to hang out at, her Mom got her riding lessons when she could afford them. Then one of the ladies at the stable had to have knee surgery, and my cousin worked out a deal for her daughter to share this ladies horse. She got to take him to horse shows, and ride almost whenever she wanted. Hopefully, the situation will open up for you again.
The situation with your FIL is tough. Don't hurt yourself trying to wrestle him around. I know that is easier said then done.
Cattails, I don't know how you manage to keep such a good attitude. Would your husband watch your Dad, and give you a turn on the mower? I know when my husband was sick, I looked forward to going to my job. Indio, (his Marine Corp buddy), would come stay with Sam, while I went to work, just half days.
Omaha keeps getting a little bit better. My sister got on line last night, and ordered a halter with a padded nose band. He is so gentle, I have been leading him around some with his fly mask, and it is just held on with velcro.
Well, I had better get busy. Need to clean house, and work in the garden today. Make up for goofing off all day yesterday. Indio is bringing steaks over to grill for lunch. Yum. I need to fix a salad and maybe a sugar free dessert to go with. Indio has Diabetes, and he is so appreciative if I make him a dessert he can have. . .

ted ..... i am so very sorry for ur loss . big hugs to you ted ```` i hope ure be ok . everything was a fog when i went thru the sad moments . im with you in spirit ... love you ted ...
borrowed sis s puter , letting you all know that i am ok , i tried to read what i missed till i saw ted s mom passed i couldnt read anymore .
im in the black hole swimmin ....
prayers all around , xoxo

Prayers to you Linda xoxo, I hate the thought of anyone being in the black hole cause it's an awful place to be :( Try to get on here more often if you can and talk about how you feel, it might help and at least you know we all understand. Love you!

Sskape, I give a shit, sorry I didn't say it before now but this is the first I've been back on since you posted. Just come hang out with us here when you can and Vent, we care.

Cattails..sounds like you had a Poogasim ..lol If it's at all possible get FIL in a wheelchair and take him outside for some fresh air and have him where you can keep an eye on him or maybe even feed the ducks for him to watch (if that's possible). BTW, thanks for the update on Igore :)

Diane, hang in there. Forget about your sister like someone said "she is toxic to you" Distance yourself to protect yourself. You have my prayers also..xoxo

Angelhair, You were so loving to your FIL and understanding. I really admire you along with many others here.

Well here's the latest from my house.. Yesterday Dad asks me if I would ask one of the girls that comes to help me with the cleaning if she knew of a woman who would come and take care of him sexually. As if I would have anyone coming into my home who would even know a hooker, much less allow one in my house to "service him" as he further clarified... I have to tell you that I didn't lose my temper, but I sure wanted to. I told him that under no circumstance would he ever be bringing a prostitute into my house! Then I told him if he wanted that then he could figure out a way to leave the house and go get it on his own! Then he gives me a look that said..you are a bitch. Lalala...he's lucky that's all I said to him. . l am so disgusted. I wanted to box his ears!! I told my husband we should drive him up to a night club to pick up women and he could wheel himself in with his walker, but then instead of it being a nightclub with women it would be a gay bar! Whahahahaha! I would get a home movie of him coming out of there. I tell you Bad Cricket keeps me sain, lol

Love and Hugs all around,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

Cricket your Dad is 90 going on 13. It isn't just your Dad either. I've heard stories of nurses fending off advances from nursing home patients. When I worked in the hospital, I had an old guy, who couldn't walk at all, ask me if I liked older men?. The old farts wife had just left. When I pointed that out, he said, she can't take care of me like a young women could. And, he wasn't talking about cooking and cleaning. The old guy had been married to the same women for 50+ years, and I don't believe he was ever unfaithful. He was just senile, and horny. It isn't just men, The nursing home brought a female patient in one day, with a raging vaginal infection. The doctors found a very rotten, baked potato up there. When asked how that happened, the old lady, said, she missed that full feeling, ever since her husband passed away. Maybe they need to sell some of those sex toys at the nursing home. Cricket, you could always go buy your Dad a Playboy magazine, and then let him lock himself in the bathroom.with it.. Or evil Cricket can buy him the Play Girl magazine. That might kill those urges.
We have this sweet old German lady that comes to the dentist office. We have landscape pictures on the ceiling, over the dentist chair. And, the sweet old German lady, suggested we put pictures of Chippendale's up there. She called them Beefcakes. Anyway, at Christmas time one year the feed store was giving away calenders with pictures of shirtless, well muscled, cowboys. So, I got one, and mailed it to her. I think she really enjoyed it.
Love to everyone. Meanwhile

Linda, your Pa, and Ted's Mom are in the same place now. And, so is my Sam. It is supposed to be a better place. When I get to missing Sam, I tell myself how selfish I'm being, and I thank the Lord for the time we had. It doesn't always work, but sometimes. Your Dad raised a wonderful, kind, loving, daughter.

OMG Crickett! I would have burst out laughing!!! When we were building the rooms for my mom-we put in pocket doors to save room and at one point she says, "Well, I am glad to have doors for when I have men come to visit." I almost died!!!! My mom has always been so prim and proper-I couldn't believe she said that!!!
I am happy to say, my brother came from out of town and my hubby and I went to the Zoo! I haven't been there since my kids were little! We had such a nice time and it was a gorgeous day weather wise!
Hugs to all! Hope you have a good week! Mame

Cricket: I don't know if your dad can afford AL, but if you told him there were some easy chicks there he might give it a try. Loved the Gay Bar idea. Hee Hee. You know there are cross dressers too. That would get his motor running right up to the time all was reviled. Woo Baby, I be using my walker and going really fast.

Meanwhile: A baked potato..............pahahahahaha. Hope she let it cool off first.

Cricket: I'd love to park Poodini in the sunshine, but summer is a little slow getting to the great Pacific NW and my dad gets cold easy, even with a jacket and blankets. It's the breeze more than anything. We have a deck off the living room, but it's north facing and he doesn't like to go out there because it's too cool....as least right now. I can get him to the front of the house, it's east facing, but I have to go down a couple of stairs and if he pulls one of his shit magician tricks, I'm screwed. It would be nice if he could give me more that 30 seconds warning, but no such luck. When he's in the kitchen at the breakfast table, I know he has to go when his slippers start moving on the floor. The sound of the scuffling is my alert that I have to get him up, on the walker, and beat feet to the bathroom. I have such an aversion to the chocolate balls, so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Still, you're right. It would be heaven to have him outside and be able to work in the yard. Hopefully things will warm up and I'll just have to take my chances.

Meanwhile: Hubby is happy to trade off and let me mow. We have so much outside to take care of that it would be nice if we could both do it at the same time and move on to something else that needs doing. I miss being a couple instead of a tag team.

Deef: I hope your back is feeling better.

Mame: Glad you got to the zoo on such a beautiful day with your hubby. Awesome.

Linda: Stay in touch. No swimming in the black hole. Tell us what's going on. We all think about you and miss you. I know you miss your dad and Ted's loss brings it back to you, but I'd like to believe that people who are released from suffering go into the light and become reunited with the energy of their youth and the spirits of those they love. That's some good energy. You did so much to make your father's life happy in this world. That's all you could do and I'm sure he is blessing you everyday and watching over you. He wouldn't want to think his leaving left you alone and in a dark place. He'd want you to be free too, and happy. What's going on the the bil. Are you going to be a care giver again? Love to you Linda.

eskape: We all give a shit and I can send you some if you want proof. I hope you stay in touch.

Jen: How are you doing?

I know I've left some folks out, but I dare not go back and check cause I'll lose this post.

By the way, I'm not getting any email alerts regard AC posts, etc. I have to go the the newsthread to see who has posted. Have any of you experienced this and, if so, what should I do?

I'm leaving this Friday to visit my Granddaughter in North Dakota. Fortunately, there is room for dad in respite while I'm gone, so hubby will have a nice break too. Respite is so expensive, but we must do what we must do.

Love to all, Cattails.

Couldn't stand up straight all of yesterday and half of today. remembered I had some steroid pills from the last time this happened. It wasn't as bad, so I didn't take them. This time was awful!!! remembered the steroids at 6 AM and was able to stand upright for a while this afternoon. Have had sciatic problems for almost 40 years. this was the worst so far and I would have headed to the ER today if I had not thought of the steroids. it's the only thing that helps with a bad bought. Good thing, I will have to deal with mom all by myself the next 3 days while Merry takes a few days off. Mom was very out of it tonight and we both almost fell trying to get her into bed. She is really starting to deteriorate in the past month.
Got to get the trash out in the morning, then her up and dressed and off to daycare. Then I plan on resting as much as I can until I bring her home at 3. Just getting her up, washed, dressed, fed and her hair done does me in for the day!

Linda, sorry you are having such a hard time. Wish you could get back to the boat.
Diane, hope you are doing better today.
Cattails, I park Mom outside in her wheelchair after daycare on warm days. Sometimes it does her good and others, not so good, but it gets me out.
All you horse lovers, one of my younger sisters has a huge house and a brand new barn for her 2 horses. I hear she just got some chickens again. She has a live-in boyfriend that helps her with all the work on the property. her full time job has her on cal 24/7, but she still manages to get out on her Harley and ride the horses and keep up all that land.
Sat on the front porch earlier to knit and watch the sunset. it was beautiful!Hope you all had a good weekend and are ready for another week of fun!!!

Linda I on my way with my shovel to get you out of the darn black hole. I bet the husband is talking you Pa's ear off-after he died I talked to God and apoligized for having to put up with him.

Good morning, A couple weeks back Ted either posted or emailed a link to a volunteer study being done for caregivers, if offered to pay $75 to fill out a survey so I did it and was accepted into the program. I don't know about the money yet, but I've discovered that they have an excellent program for caregivers and it's free. I wanted to share this inf. with everyone here because it's an excellent tool to help with depression and mood control with practical short lessons and explanations that really work. It might have been posted here from aging care but I think I heard about it from Ted.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ

PS I'm slowly getting over the prostitute episode..thanks for all your comments and mame...I wish I could have laughed about it then but I'm getting there.ღ

Meanwhile2, the baked potato story is priceless!!

Deef, I hope your back is getting betterღ Linda, I hope you're getting out of the black holeღ Diane, I hope you're getting out of the black hole alsoღ

Never watch my MIL eat.lol guess im not alone but MIL sounds like bobbie mom Mine I quit giving her too much because I think at this age they were raised that you had to eat it all. My MIL lays in bed though too much we have therapy coming in to try to break her from this she had surgery and has dementia and complains of pain 24/7. BUT EATS all day if anyone has food she is like oh what did you bring me Im just afraid she doing it out of boredness and going to add like 50 pounds.

Tbailey, Talk to your Mom's doctor about her eating habits..it could just be part of her dementia but it could also be her way of coping with the pain or she could be low on nutrients.. which will make her crave foods. Whatever it is, if she has a good doctor they should be able to help you with it. It may be nothing to be concerned about also but it's better to find out for both of your sakes. I have done a lot of research on Nutrition and when someone is eating to much food it could be one or several reasons. One reason is because they are using food for a coping mechanism much like people use alcohol or drugs. They are low in nutrients, or even bored like you said and when a person has dementia all kinds of weird and unusual behaviors can occur. Good luck.

My mom is not a gross eater. She just tends to drop stuff a lot. Sometimes I think she is just giving the dog a treat! He knows where to sit under the table-where the pickins are good! She wears her food well-and is funny about certain bibs...One day she likes this one and the next day she hates it! Give it away she says! And the next day she is fine with it again. When she does get food on her chest-she tells me it is on her "shelf"! Haha After dinner, she folds her bib-just so-like 50 times.... a little OCD or something.... We just laugh to ourselves-OH! And when we start clearing the table-she pushes EVERYTHING to the side to "help"...sometimes I am not clearing-I just go to replenish something and I come back and where I was sitting/eating is filled with everything from the table! My husband and kids "let' her OR "help" her to do it cause they think it is hysterical! I guess we just see humor in everything-after 8 years-what is left????

Why Ethel changed Hotels

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I' m ready!! Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

What's Tony's number? I'm starting to nod off in front of Antiques Roadshow (as if the time I spent with antiques today wasn't enough). Tony sounds like much more fun.

Oh Cuz, I'm still laughing, can hardly type.

Cuz, thanks for making me laugh!! We get so caught up on all the seriousness of care taking and it's refreshing to still have a sense of humor. Now I can go to sleep with a smile on my face...... Good Nite!!!!

Cricket, that is plain evil! A gay bar? I love it!!!!

You are all great and keep me going I have to read your advice dailey I give a little bit but wow 8 YEARS yea I bet there are alot of things we will do just to keep laughing... I NEED to vent though Have had my MIL in our home since dec. she didnt want to stay in nursing home and My husband & his sister were all for me taking care of her which I do daily got some help from them when I ask even one brother has steped up and came over and sits with her when I need him to the other sister hates us all but MY 10 year old starts baseball last night first game my neice & dad pick her up to get her there early my 20 year old daughter takes me we are there for 45 min my husband starts txting when will you b home? I think Im ready to speak up I need help & if them 2 dont want to Im going to use MIL money to help pay for some outside help. My husband works and started his own business which I help him with pretty much every day.I just need some advice my 10 year old didnt choose this we did.

Hi tbailey: Would you do me a favor and use punctuation. I'm too old to re-read posts to make out what's being said. No offense, so please don't take any. I'd just like to be sure I know what you are asking.

By all means, hire help from your mil's funds so both you and your husband can enjoy your son's baseball games. You are so right, your son didn't choose this and you and hubby will be much happier if you can spend time with you son.

Hugs, Cattails