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Happy Mother's Day! I know the wish is almost too late since the day is nearly over, but meant sincerely. Truly felt the need to go to church today to find comfort in God's word. I've been home since Friday and I've been through the wringer with the sibs. The parting words to me last night was to say "You have been f'ing up for 50 years". I have to thank Ladeeda for being on FB at 2am and listening, calming me down and getting me to think straight. I knew an AC caregiver would be there for me.
I'm running in 5 directions at once trying to get everything done before bedtime. Take care all and thank you for the encouragment.
I shared this with those that I have e-mail but want to share this with everyone on the site. LovCuz
Woman of God
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....
Dear Woman of God,Be still for a while and praise God for His favor, His grace and His awesomeness. God is able to do the impossible and is always near. He loves us unconditionally.Dear God, This is my friend whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most,and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe.Amen! Share this and bless many!
Good News here, I brought Dad home from the Hospital tonight and he is happily asleep in his own bed with little punkin curled up next to him. He has been very lucky in that the affects of his stroke doesn't appear to be as bad as it could have been. His Dementia appears to be a little worse, his memory seems to be worse but he has no paralysis or speech problems. Now I just hope and pray he doesn't have anymore strokes. I have to admit that this stroke has caused me to be more alarmed and on edge worrying that it could happen again. He had to go on two more medications.. Pills pills pills...is pretty much all the Doctors do anymore. More toxins to weaken his immune system even more. Okay, I'm done griping now. Have a nice evening everyone.
PS...Diane, I'm glad their was someone on to help you through the hurtful family comments. Siblings are so judgemental and cruel at times and what your said to you was especially cold. Just cut them off in your thoughts or it will drive you crazy. I know it's hard but try to put your mind on thoughts that make you feel good and not on the painful stuff. A little exercise that helps me when painful memory's are coming up is to sit down with a paper and pen and write out the things in life that really make me happy. Once I see those things and focus on the feelings I get from them it really changes how I feel. For me what helps me is Puppy's Puppy's and more Puppies, I imagine that I am in a room full of Puppies and I lay down on the floor and they all play dog pile on me. It always makes me smile and even laugh. If that doesn't work as well as I would like, the next thing I do is go to youtube and type in Puppies playing and then watch the movies. It really does make me feel happy. Once you know what makes you happy this is very easy to do. Love to you! I have some great movie clips of puppies on my youtube page. My tag their is Cricket News Network, I think you can go watch the ones I have saved if you want to. Their are also lots of "feel good" videos there too. xoxo
Cricket, I hope your dad is okay. I also wanted to tell you that your creative artistic work is just awesome. I do not see how you do that with the computer. Looks great and love the little heart with the sparkles.
Just caught up reading posts...WOW-God Bless you all and glad you are all here! A while back, I was considering putting mom in a NH cause my hubby had an alarming health issue that scared us all and I thought-there is no way I can care for 2 people! Anyway, that turned out to be not as bad as originally thought-thank God!!! It is not completely "healed" yet-but we are working on it! Well, last Thurs was my birthday...he wasn't feeling well and I was really trying not to be a big baby but we had someone to be with mom and were going to go out. We did go to dinner but came right back. I was happy just to get out for a bit. Anyway...the next morning he calls from work...sick-to the point that his coworkers had to take him to the ER! Different issue than the scare a while back-but scary as hell! So, I spent the weekend in the Hospital with him. He is ok now...we got home from Hospital yesterday...Thankfully my sister stayed with mom all weekend. I was exhausted-my sis told me to take a nap-2 hours with earplugs and eye mask!!! Thank you! Anyway...today is mom's bday! Making a cake and trying to be happy and not tired! Where is hubby? He went to work. Yes, you read that right. He went to work! He always overdoes and i know I will be caring for him someday too. It is just making me sad today. Damn expectaions again I guess! Birthday and Mother's Day-thinking it would be a fun weekend. I am exhausted and feel like I am wrung out! I have never been good at rolling with the punches, they always get the best of me. Sucks. And he is back to work...just like any other day...Whatever.
Mame -you are taking too much on a store bought cake would have been better or even telling Mom you will celebrate her birthday on another day-your hubby is not making things any easier-he sounds like my husband was-he knows he should be resting-if he keeps ending up in the ER insurance may have a problem with that as well as his co-workers-he has to know he is adding to your stree-you are rolling with the punches they just are comming to fast for anyone to deal with-you need to be easier on yorself-you are not required to stay with him in the hospital. My husband was in rehabs 16 times-at first I was there 13 hrs a day as time went on some days I did not go at all-you have to take care of yourself-I hope there is a support group where you live you need to be with people who get what you are doing and that only comes from other caregivers.
Years of couseling and $$ telling the man that I want to learn to roll with the punches-and for no cost-you Austin tell me I am-but that they are just coming too fast for anyone to deal with! THANK YOU!!! ;)
All I can say I will not vent as bad as yesterday but I do have to say I don't know what I would do without you all. Cricket that is so neat those typed designs.I Made it to my sons gf parents house after SIL came got mil GREAT time my oldest daughter came to & she offered to take her little sister home with her & pick MIL up from SIL while my husband & i get to stop at the casino. MY Son's gf parents live about 1 1/2 away & casino is between us & them.The minute we all started toward home my husband got a txt saying Its been 5 hours I have my grandkids Mom is ready for bed when will you guys be here to get mom????? MY husband txt back were heading home Our girls are coming to get her. We stop at casino maybe 1 1/2 hours and stop at walmart (I was EXCITED) havent been to wally world forever. Only was in there for 30 min. Anyway my daughter went & got her said SIL was going crazy how she wish we wouldnt have lied to her & didnt tell her mother was staying so long & blah , blah, blah. I packed her extra outfit. TWO gowns, housecoat & like 3 pairs of socks her medicine which she takes @ seven p.m.(Showed SIL her stuff before they left) I mean come on ONE time I'd like to just drop her off and not have to worry about her txting & calling. Okay I feel better now Boy I needed that I still havent talked to her. Her & Hubby have been having what I call a txting war. My husband says makes him take longer when she says to hurry he would think she would catch on by now he doesnt care she said she would help if we let her live here so, here is mom today see you later & turn our phone off next time I said NO We are hiring help (MY friends on my forum) Remb. That way we don't have to ask anybody that doesnt want to and going to rush us...I'm calling around trying to find someone word of mouth. Thanks ladys
Yesterday was an o.k. day. I had to take care of FIL because MIL had to work. My husband had a hard night at work so he didn't get home until 2am. So I cooked us all breakfast, which I don't mind, but when I asked him to come down he said he didn't think he would. Well, I understood that he was tired, but I felt bad that he wouldn't make an effort since it was mothers day and I took the time to make muffins and eggs and cut up a bunch of fruit and set out granola and yogurt and made fresh squeezed orange juice. So I went to help GGIL and told her "Happy Mothers Day" Loud enough that he would hear. Anyway, when I got back down stairs he came up behind me and gave me a peck on the cheek and a big hug and told me happy mothers day with a big smile on his face. Quite awhile later I heard him telling his mother on the phone that he had had a bad migraine all day, but it was starting to ease off. He didn't even mention it to me. He really should have stayed in bed. Talk about me feeling guilty for wanting him to come downstairs. Anyway, while I was making breakfast FIL fell in his room really hard. He hit his head. My husband got up long enough to help me get him into bed. He seemed o.k. and he ate his breakfast and fell asleep. He got up around 2:30pm and puttered around his room for a while. Then he fell again around 3:30. I had called and reported the fall to the Home Hospice so his nurse was there to check him out. I told her what had happened and we headed upstairs to take his vitals. That's when we found him on the floor again. He was fast asleep; and we couldn't get him to wake up. We checked his vitals and they were all good, actually great. He just wouldn't respond at all. If it weren't for his vitals we would have thought he was gone. He stayed on the floor like that for an hour before he finally woke up enough that we could get him onto his bed.The more this disease progresses the more he seems to fall. He has fallen seven times in the last two weeks. We worry about him, but what are we suppose to do? Confine him to his bed and not let him move? He has been in his bed all day today. MIL is watching him today and she said she hasn't been able to get him to eat anything; and he's been sleeping on and off all day. I'm going to have to see if I can get him to eat something. He's quite alert when he's awake, but those short moments are few today. The mothers day part was wonderful. My kids all spoiled me with chocolates and my husband and I were able to sit and watch a movie together after everyone else went to bed. So, although my mothers day was stressful, it still turned out to be a special day. As soon as my kids get home from school we are going to the park to take pictures for a present for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary present. My sister's putting together a family tree for them with pictures and all. Well, I've gotta go.
Cricket, feel-good videos are always good pick-me-ups. I tried to explain to my mother that all the terrible things my sibs say to me are like on a recorded loop and they play over and over in my head. It plays "you've been f'ing up for 50 years, you are using mom, you are stealing from mom, you should be tied in a knot and stuffed, you're a pain in the ass, if you don't make enough money work more, your house is dirty, you're lazy". This just keeps running through my head. This makes me feel like I have the self-esteem of a slug. I just need to know how to pull the plug on these thoughts or change the channel. Last night was the first night of good sleep since the previous Sunday. I was so sleepy when mom woke at 6:30am to go to the bathroom. I did three loads of laundry, called the pharmacy to figure our the monthly cost of mom's meds now that she is in the donut hole, called the doctor since mom is standing/sitting crooked, did the grocery shopping and pet food shopping and I'm barely able to keep my eyes open. My brother and bf are putting in a new toilet for mom since her toilet bowl cracked. The best I can hope for is a snooze in the recliner if mom dozes too. I'm still waiting to hear from my bosses if they will fire me or not. The boss won't let me return if I'm not cheerful and upbeat since the customers and co-workers are not to know what happened. I just have to pray that I will be able to handle whatever may be the outcome.
Take care gang and I'll keep you posted about the job situation.
I have to apologize that I didn't respond to all the wonderful hugs received from y'all. I'm a creature of habit and head straight to the GO thread so I haven't looked at my profile. THANK YOU! You all are the only ones that know what it's like and I will rely on this thread to vent and live as Bobbie says. Speaking of Bobbie, where is she? I haven't even had any text messages from her. I know she is battling her own demons and I hope she is well and will follow her own advice to vent here. Thank you again you wonderful ladies and gents.
Was wondering where Bobbie was too. Know she must be hammered with stuff right now. Hope she is doing OK. Glad to see you are feeling better D. OK here, entertainment with next door, having to tear up basement wall to replace, the caterpillar is breaking our old fence. It was falling down anyway, land lord did say he wanted to help us replace it in a year or so...May have to move that date up...Grandpa sat outside and watched and slept for five hours, least the room almost got aired out...Mom turned Mother's Day into an ordeal. I forgot to remember how obsessive compulsive she gets around halls...Like she has to take flowers out to the grave of the mother she hated and all that guff...Beh...all lands on me...Next....
Trying to get mom to stay in bed and accept she is hearing things that aren't real. She swears the oxygen concentrator is making a terrible noise and its going to kill her. Grrrrr....Smile. Feeling very pissed off with the sibs as I think back and analyze all the crap they are putting me through. I have been mom's primary POA since 2007. The agreement is set up that should I become incapacitated, the POA then becomes my brother. But since my suicide attempt they are insisting I resign as POA because "OMG they weren't able to care for mom while I was in the hospital". This is all bullshit! They are willing to spend over a $1000 to get the POA agreement rewritten, but they cant arrange to have the lawn mowed to make my life easier. I feel like there is so much more going on here. They don't want me to have access to the bank accounts because I may be spending moms social security on frivolous items (like food,meds, electricity etc. DUH). I am so fed up of all this irrational thinking on their behalf. I may be depressed but I've never taken advantage of my mother. I'm getting more pissed off because I think I will get fired from my job tomorrow. My bosses said unless my sibs came up with a plan that showed they were making things easier for me to be able to work, they had no choice but to let me go. Acccording to my brother today, nothing is changing, just the POA. So in other words, they get to control the roof over my head and I get to keep wiping their mothers ass. I am fuming as I type that last sentence......GRRRRRRR.
I'M DOWN RIGHT PISSED OFF!!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING THEIR PUPPET FOR THEM TO PULL MY STRINGS.
Jennifer, a manager at WalMart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head.There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already crapped my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
Diane, Glad you ot to church, but sorry you are feeling down again. Keep the POA for now. Don't let them get that control, they will put you mom in NH for sure. Don't sign anything if you can help it! Mom used to hallucinate all the time. It would really scare her and made her more needy. It was tough to deal with. Now she is so demented, that she doesn't even realize she is seeing things that aren't there, or talking to people when she is alone, or reaching for things that aren't there. try to change the subject and redirect her to something else. It used to work for Mom. Cricket, glad your dad is home with you. Ah, pills, what would we do without them? Austin, Wish I could knit in a moving vehicle. I get carsick just looking down at a map! Good yarn shopping!!! Oops! Mom is stirring. Be right back!
Could see her twisting the blankets on camera, but she was sound asleep! 2 sibs came for a quick visit yesterday. My brother gave her a $200 gift card. That I liked!!! My sister and boyfriend stopped for about 10 minutes, but I guess everyone else was too busy! same old story. Angelhair, does your dad have PD? That is why Mom is in a wheelchair. Only way we could keep her safe. they lose balance easily and tend to cross their feet when turning. Her left side is affected and is the weakest. too many bad falls and a couple stays in rehab made us decide to get a wheelchair a c few years ago. The dementia causes them to forget their own safety. The only way to stop the falling is to keep a close eye on them or restrain them when you can't be right there to catch them if they start to fall. Bailey, sounds like you had a good day, but sometimes the getting everything ready and arranged for the ones we take care of, outweighs the getting out! I usually exhaust myself making sure everything is set for Mom when I'm going out for the day. And the whole pill thing is another story!!! How's it going Jen, Meanwhile, Bobbie, Linda, Susan, and all those I missed?
FIL stayed in bed all day. We did get him up to shower, but he was extremely unsteady. We couldn't get him to eat anything and he would only drink a few sips all day. We called the nurse in to see if she could see what is going on. He is severely dehydrated, he has a fever that just developed, and his kidneys seem to be shutting down. He lays there and doesn't say anything. Not even the jibberish we have become accustomed to. He stirs slightly when we change him in the bed which takes two of us because he is such a large man. The nurse says he probably only has days left; a week at most. He has a DNR so all we can do is make sure he's comfortable as his time passes. We can give him morphine and Lorazopam because they're liquid, but the rest of the meds are out of the question because he can no longer swallow. It's so hard to see him laying there, unresponsive. The only reaction he gets now is when we change him and that is to try and fight us because he doesn't like what we're doing. Sometimes he looks clear in his eyes; like he should be able to just get up, but he just can't do it. Well, anyway. It is going to be a hard week on all of us. I just hope his suffering doesn't strech out. He is miserable and there's no way to ease his suffering. All we can do is keep him comfortable until he passes.
I hope you are all having a better week than we are. Love you all and thinking of you, Angela
Cat boxes are scooped, cats are fed, and it looks like everyone else is in bed. My RLS has been bad the last few nights, I got about 4 hours sleep last night, So I'm going to hit the hay myself. Lots to do tomorrow! night !
FIL has severe alzhiemers. He is in stage seven. His disease started in the frontal lobe which usually progresses more quickly than other parts of the brain. It seems to have progressed more rapidly in the last four to six months. The last two weeks have been a nightmare. He had fallen seven times in 14 days. Since he started losing his mobility the rate of deterioration has steadily sped up. Even with the rapid decline we still weren't prepared for how sudden he went south. Two days ago he was shuffling, but still on his feet and flipping through magazines like normal. And now he can't even sit up on his own; or even swallow a sip of water without choking and gagging on it. We use those little sponge things to keep his mouth as moist as possible. He had those falls, but the nurse looked at him and his vitals were good and strong. Anyway, it seems I need to be the strong one. MIL is broken hearted of course; and my children have grown attached to their Papa, so of course they are quite upset. All of his brothers and sisters called. They want to come see him before he passes. I've been trying to get the house in order which I have decided is going to take the strength of super woman because no one is inclined to help right now. MIL is in with FIL all of the time. My kids have been great, when they aren't arguing about something or other. They have been helping whith extra chores so we can be ready when company starts arriving. My husband is at work so he can't help. I do feel bad about the timing. We were suppose to go to dinner for GGIL's 97 birthday. She was so excited. It has been a tradition to take her to the Roof Restaurant on her birthday every year. We were also supposed to go to Idaho for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary which is of course cancelled. Isn't it interresting how these things happen? One thing is for sure. Life is in no way convenient. Well, I've got some more work to do before I head to bed. I just wanted to let it all out so I can be strong for tomorrow. I keep reminding everyone that his passing is actually a good thing. He has been suffering and struggling for so long; it is only right that he finally have some peace. It's hard to watch him and not be able to do anything. It is a very helpless feeling. I keep praying that he will go swiftly and peacefully. It is also hard to deal with the family because whenever I see one of them crying I want to curl up in a corner and just be by myself for awhile, but there is plenty of time for that later. You know after, well, after.
Hi everyone, I'm back from my visit with Granddaughter. Had a great time and missing her again already.
I've got up on the posts and Cricket, I'm glad your dad is home with no paralysis or speech impairment, etc. Hope he get's back to normal, mentally, after a couple of days home.
Diane: You are the one who is on my mind first and foremost. I don't pretend to understand your situation with the sibs, but I know you love your mom and she was a really great mom to you when she was well. Here's what's bothering me. You attempted to take your life because you have worn yourself out taking care of your mom. If your mom understood what you were going through and that you had attempted suicide, I can't imagine for a moment that she would want you to continue to care for her. I'm sure she would want you to improve your mental and physical health and not let her care be a burden on you. Of course, this would require that your mom be in her right mind and would also require you to think of what she would want if she was in her right mind.
I know this is a personal choice each care giver must make for themselves, but at what point does a person say, I can't do this anymore? It seems to me that the most obvious point would be when you make a choice to take your own life. That is not a signal to take a couple of days off and then go back to the same old grind. It should be a major wake up call that things are not working and you have reached the end of your rope.
I think we can get into such a bottomless pit sometimes that we can't see things clearly. Not only are our parent(s) not in their right minds, but we aren't either.
Diane, I think you should place your mom and get on with your life. You will be a while picking up the pieces, but at least there will still be pieces to pick up. You are not gaining any ground and you won't until you start to make yourself the focus of your life.
You are free to discard my opinion, but I felt obligated to try to reach you with the concerns I have. I am saying this to you with love and heart felt honesty. I'm not judging you as a person, just saying that the writing is on the wall that you have gone beyond what you can manage. You are deserving of a more manageable life.
Don't let your siblings get in the way of you seeing the big picture. Their hateful comments may cause you to feel like you have to continue, if for no other reason than to prove them wrong. I know you don't want your mom to go to a NH, but you must have respect for your life too. She is not more deserving than you are and she has had a long life. You have some years ahead of you and I'd love to see you be able to get some therapy and spend some time removed from your mom's care and your siblings attitudes.
Again, I am sorry to offend you or anyone else on the thread, but your life is not less a gift than any other life. I hope you can find a way to love your mom and honor your life also.
Cat, I'm not offended and certainly will consider what you have said. I have so much swirling around in my mind that I really haven't had a chance to think objectively. My sibs pounced on my as I got out the hospital and now I'm waiting to find out if I still have a job. Right now I feel like my life is coming apart at the seams.
Why did I take the pills? I wanted to be out of the emotional pain my family has been putting me through the last year and a half. That has been the hardest thing to bear of all the caregiving duties. I would then say the isolation would be the second. Hard to believe the butt wiping doesn't rank as number one, huh?
I am checking with the social worker to see if mom would qualify for hospice or at least palliative care. This may assist me more in caring for her. The worst case scenario is they tell me no.
If my sibs put mom in a NH, I will lose the home she and I have lived in for the last 9 years. The house is in a trust and I am the beneficiary when she passes. Please don't think I take care of my mom just to get a house. This has been our home and I've worked hard to care for it and create the gardens so mom can enjoy her birds, rabbits and squirrels. My sibs will sell the house for the funds to put mom in the NH. So you see, I lose no matter what. If we go the NH route I lose my mom and my home. If I keep being a caregiver, I continue the torture from my family. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
I have to get mom fed and me dressed to meet with my bosses. At least today has started out sunny. Mom is ringing. Gotta go
I agree with Cattails. We have to realize that we are not super humans. We do have a breaking point. I've always heard that you need to take care of yourself first.
Dt if the house is in trust to you it should not be involved in medicaide -ours is in trust for my son and was safe from medicaide because it was over 5 years-ceck with your lawyer and maybe that will be one worry you do not have to worry about.
Hi Austin, The house is okay from Medicaid, it's not safe from my sibs selling it. My mom does not qualify for Medicaid because she has a long term care insurance policy. The insurance is a blessing in most ways except for Medicaid.
I was going to say same thing 195 Austin said I just read on this site I THINK. The house is in a trust I think you are safe. All I know Is I have thought about you & was hoping & praying things got better AND Cattails makes alot of sense.When you first posted your post I thought Oh No Cattails is not on here for couple of days she could help Angie I bet I was right She is right You got to remember what your mom would want and that is you to be heathly & Happy I'm sure. Who cares what siblings think or care. Angel hair I cant imagine what you are going through bless your heart as a caregiver you are the one that needs comforted but you have so much to do with people coming its like you are just everybodys hostess dont seem right hang in there thoughts and prayers with you. Catttails I'm so glad you got to go visit with grandaughter. I have been thinking about you all I know we had great weather here in INDIANa all weekend. I know you deserved it. I was hoping you had a great time...
Mame4, I am glad your husband is doing better and Austin, you know men are not going to listen to us women. If they are determine to go back to work then all you are doing is wasting your breath. All you can do is suggest and hopefully he will listen. I feel the same way Mame4 when it come to thinking about taking care of my mnl and then later on it will either be the hubby or myself. We will probable be tapped out of $ by the time the mnl AD starts to progress for right now this is just early stages and I already stress out and I know I have a long journey ahead of me. I am so glad I found this board so that I can hopefully prepare for some of this stuff ahead and I guess the rest will go with the flow or not. Sorry you did not get to spend more time out for your b-day but look on the bright side, for you got to get out...and you probable got to see PEOPLE... ; )
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Happy Mother's Day! I know the wish is almost too late since the day is nearly over, but meant sincerely. Truly felt the need to go to church today to find comfort in God's word. I've been home since Friday and I've been through the wringer with the sibs. The parting words to me last night was to say "You have been f'ing up for 50 years". I have to thank Ladeeda for being on FB at 2am and listening, calming me down and getting me to think straight. I knew an AC caregiver would be there for me.
I'm running in 5 directions at once trying to get everything done before bedtime. Take care all and thank you for the encouragment.
Love ya,
Diane
LovCuz
Woman of God
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....
Dear Woman of God,Be still for a while and praise God for His favor, His grace and His
awesomeness. God is able to do the impossible and is always near. He loves us unconditionally.Dear God, This is my friend whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most,and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe.Amen!
Share this and bless many!
Cricketღ
A while back, I was considering putting mom in a NH cause my hubby had an alarming health issue that scared us all and I thought-there is no way I can care for 2 people! Anyway, that turned out to be not as bad as originally thought-thank God!!! It is not completely "healed" yet-but we are working on it! Well, last Thurs was my birthday...he wasn't feeling well and I was really trying not to be a big baby but we had someone to be with mom and were going to go out. We did go to dinner but came right back. I was happy just to get out for a bit. Anyway...the next morning he calls from work...sick-to the point that his coworkers had to take him to the ER! Different issue than the scare a while back-but scary as hell! So, I spent the weekend in the Hospital with him. He is ok now...we got home from Hospital yesterday...Thankfully my sister stayed with mom all weekend. I was exhausted-my sis told me to take a nap-2 hours with earplugs and eye mask!!! Thank you! Anyway...today is mom's bday! Making a cake and trying to be happy and not tired! Where is hubby? He went to work. Yes, you read that right. He went to work! He always overdoes and i know I will be caring for him someday too. It is just making me sad today. Damn expectaions again I guess! Birthday and Mother's Day-thinking it would be a fun weekend. I am exhausted and feel like I am wrung out! I have never been good at rolling with the punches, they always get the best of me. Sucks. And he is back to work...just like any other day...Whatever.
Okay I feel better now Boy I needed that I still havent talked to her. Her & Hubby have been having what I call a txting war. My husband says makes him take longer when she says to hurry he would think she would catch on by now he doesnt care she said she would help if we let her live here so, here is mom today see you later & turn our phone off next time I said NO We are hiring help (MY friends on my forum) Remb. That way we don't have to ask anybody that doesnt want to and going to rush us...I'm calling around trying to find someone word of mouth. Thanks ladys
The mothers day part was wonderful. My kids all spoiled me with chocolates and my husband and I were able to sit and watch a movie together after everyone else went to bed. So, although my mothers day was stressful, it still turned out to be a special day.
As soon as my kids get home from school we are going to the park to take pictures for a present for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary present. My sister's putting together a family tree for them with pictures and all.
Well, I've gotta go.
Cricket, feel-good videos are always good pick-me-ups. I tried to explain to my mother that all the terrible things my sibs say to me are like on a recorded loop and they play over and over in my head. It plays "you've been f'ing up for 50 years, you are using mom, you are stealing from mom, you should be tied in a knot and stuffed, you're a pain in the ass, if you don't make enough money work more, your house is dirty, you're lazy". This just keeps running through my head. This makes me feel like I have the self-esteem of a slug. I just need to know how to pull the plug on these thoughts or change the channel. Last night was the first night of good sleep since the previous Sunday. I was so sleepy when mom woke at 6:30am to go to the bathroom. I did three loads of laundry, called the pharmacy to figure our the monthly cost of mom's meds now that she is in the donut hole, called the doctor since mom is standing/sitting crooked, did the grocery shopping and pet food shopping and I'm barely able to keep my eyes open. My brother and bf are putting in a new toilet for mom since her toilet bowl cracked. The best I can hope for is a snooze in the recliner if mom dozes too. I'm still waiting to hear from my bosses if they will fire me or not. The boss won't let me return if I'm not cheerful and upbeat since the customers and co-workers are not to know what happened. I just have to pray that I will be able to handle whatever may be the outcome.
Take care gang and I'll keep you posted about the job situation.
Love ya,
Diane
Love ya,
Diane
OK here, entertainment with next door, having to tear up basement wall to replace, the caterpillar is breaking our old fence. It was falling down anyway, land lord did say he wanted to help us replace it in a year or so...May have to move that date up...Grandpa sat outside and watched and slept for five hours, least the room almost got aired out...Mom turned Mother's Day into an ordeal. I forgot to remember how obsessive compulsive she gets around halls...Like she has to take flowers out to the grave of the mother she hated and all that guff...Beh...all lands on me...Next....
Feeling very pissed off with the sibs as I think back and analyze all the crap they are putting me through. I have been mom's primary POA since 2007. The agreement is set up that should I become incapacitated, the POA then becomes my brother. But since my suicide attempt they are insisting I resign as POA because "OMG they weren't able to care for mom while I was in the hospital". This is all bullshit! They are willing to spend over a $1000 to get the POA agreement rewritten, but they cant arrange to have the lawn mowed to make my life easier. I feel like there is so much more going on here. They don't want me to have access to the bank accounts because I may be spending moms social security on frivolous items (like food,meds, electricity etc. DUH). I am so fed up of all this irrational thinking on their behalf. I may be depressed but I've never taken advantage of my mother. I'm getting more pissed off because I think I will get fired from my job tomorrow. My bosses said unless my sibs came up with a plan that showed they were making things easier for me to be able to work, they had no choice but to let me go. Acccording to my brother today, nothing is changing, just the POA. So in other words, they get to control the roof over my head and I get to keep wiping their mothers ass. I am fuming as I type that last sentence......GRRRRRRR.
I'M DOWN RIGHT PISSED OFF!!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING THEIR PUPPET FOR THEM TO PULL MY STRINGS.
Mom is ringing again, gotta go.
Jennifer, a manager at WalMart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head.There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already crapped my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
Cricket, glad your dad is home with you. Ah, pills, what would we do without them?
Austin, Wish I could knit in a moving vehicle. I get carsick just looking down at a map! Good yarn shopping!!!
Oops! Mom is stirring. Be right back!
Angelhair, does your dad have PD? That is why Mom is in a wheelchair. Only way we could keep her safe. they lose balance easily and tend to cross their feet when turning. Her left side is affected and is the weakest. too many bad falls and a couple stays in rehab made us decide to get a wheelchair a c few years ago. The dementia causes them to forget their own safety. The only way to stop the falling is to keep a close eye on them or restrain them when you can't be right there to catch them if they start to fall.
Bailey, sounds like you had a good day, but sometimes the getting everything ready and arranged for the ones we take care of, outweighs the getting out! I usually exhaust myself making sure everything is set for Mom when I'm going out for the day. And the whole pill thing is another story!!!
How's it going Jen, Meanwhile, Bobbie, Linda, Susan, and all those I missed?
I hope you are all having a better week than we are.
Love you all and thinking of you,
Angela
Well, I've got some more work to do before I head to bed. I just wanted to let it all out so I can be strong for tomorrow. I keep reminding everyone that his passing is actually a good thing. He has been suffering and struggling for so long; it is only right that he finally have some peace. It's hard to watch him and not be able to do anything. It is a very helpless feeling. I keep praying that he will go swiftly and peacefully. It is also hard to deal with the family because whenever I see one of them crying I want to curl up in a corner and just be by myself for awhile, but there is plenty of time for that later. You know after, well, after.
I've got up on the posts and Cricket, I'm glad your dad is home with no paralysis or speech impairment, etc. Hope he get's back to normal, mentally, after a couple of days home.
Diane: You are the one who is on my mind first and foremost. I don't pretend to understand your situation with the sibs, but I know you love your mom and she was a really great mom to you when she was well. Here's what's bothering me. You attempted to take your life because you have worn yourself out taking care of your mom. If your mom understood what you were going through and that you had attempted suicide, I can't imagine for a moment that she would want you to continue to care for her. I'm sure she would want you to improve your mental and physical health and not let her care be a burden on you. Of course, this would require that your mom be in her right mind and would also require you to think of what she would want if she was in her right mind.
I know this is a personal choice each care giver must make for themselves, but at what point does a person say, I can't do this anymore? It seems to me that the most obvious point would be when you make a choice to take your own life. That is not a signal to take a couple of days off and then go back to the same old grind. It should be a major wake up call that things are not working and you have reached the end of your rope.
I think we can get into such a bottomless pit sometimes that we can't see things clearly. Not only are our parent(s) not in their right minds, but we aren't either.
Diane, I think you should place your mom and get on with your life. You will be a while picking up the pieces, but at least there will still be pieces to pick up. You are not gaining any ground and you won't until you start to make yourself the focus of your life.
You are free to discard my opinion, but I felt obligated to try to reach you with the concerns I have. I am saying this to you with love and heart felt honesty. I'm not judging you as a person, just saying that the writing is on the wall that you have gone beyond what you can manage. You are deserving of a more manageable life.
Don't let your siblings get in the way of you seeing the big picture. Their hateful comments may cause you to feel like you have to continue, if for no other reason than to prove them wrong. I know you don't want your mom to go to a NH, but you must have respect for your life too. She is not more deserving than you are and she has had a long life. You have some years ahead of you and I'd love to see you be able to get some therapy and spend some time removed from your mom's care and your siblings attitudes.
Again, I am sorry to offend you or anyone else on the thread, but your life is not less a gift than any other life. I hope you can find a way to love your mom and honor your life also.
Much love to you, Cattails.
Why did I take the pills? I wanted to be out of the emotional pain my family has been putting me through the last year and a half. That has been the hardest thing to bear of all the caregiving duties. I would then say the isolation would be the second. Hard to believe the butt wiping doesn't rank as number one, huh?
I am checking with the social worker to see if mom would qualify for hospice or at least palliative care. This may assist me more in caring for her. The worst case scenario is they tell me no.
If my sibs put mom in a NH, I will lose the home she and I have lived in for the last 9 years. The house is in a trust and I am the beneficiary when she passes. Please don't think I take care of my mom just to get a house. This has been our home and I've worked hard to care for it and create the gardens so mom can enjoy her birds, rabbits and squirrels. My sibs will sell the house for the funds to put mom in the NH. So you see, I lose no matter what. If we go the NH route I lose my mom and my home. If I keep being a caregiver, I continue the torture from my family. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
I have to get mom fed and me dressed to meet with my bosses. At least today has started out sunny. Mom is ringing. Gotta go
The house is okay from Medicaid, it's not safe from my sibs selling it. My mom does not qualify for Medicaid because she has a long term care insurance policy. The insurance is a blessing in most ways except for Medicaid.
I'm heading out to meet with my bosses.
Love ya,
Diane
Angel hair I cant imagine what you are going through bless your heart as a caregiver you are the one that needs comforted but you have so much to do with people coming its like you are just everybodys hostess dont seem right hang in there thoughts and prayers with you.
Catttails I'm so glad you got to go visit with grandaughter. I have been thinking about you all I know we had great weather here in INDIANa all weekend. I know you deserved it. I was hoping you had a great time...
I feel the same way Mame4 when it come to thinking about taking care of my mnl and then later on it will either be the hubby or myself. We will probable be tapped out of $ by the time the mnl AD starts to progress for right now this is just early stages and I already stress out and I know I have a long journey ahead of me. I am so glad I found this board so that I can hopefully prepare for some of this stuff ahead and I guess the rest will go with the flow or not. Sorry you did not get to spend more time out for your b-day but look on the bright side, for you got to get out...and you probable got to see PEOPLE... ; )