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Ok, I've got it. Probably to easy, but from one of my most favorite movies. Ready, here it is....................."and you're right about me. I am fascinating."
Mom still has her cold and now I have it!!! Sick as a dog and trying to care for her too. I have to be careful because I have asthma and it could get bad at any time. Merry will be here soon, so I will get back in bed for a while. Mom is still battling lots of phlegm. I hate that word, especially now that I have the same problem. Getting her ready for daycare yesterday was pretty hilarious. Every time she coughed up a mouth full or blew chunks out of her nose, I gagged and choked! I can do the poopy stuff all day long, but nose and mouth discharge kills me!!! To top it all off, I think she has another UTI. We were attributing the craziness and agitation to her cold, but her diaper was pretty stinky and dark last night. Of course it's a long weekend, so we may have to take her to the ER for treatment. Not going to be fun with the way I feel! Maybe I will ruin my sister's weekend and tell her to come and take Mom to the ER because I'm too sick. Christina, You did the best you could with your mom. The chemical restraints are the main reason I won't place Mom. And I'm still worried that we could lose our home. Being in a NH doesn't make it any easier as we still feel the need to visit and monitor their care. the 2 times Mom was in rehab after falls, were more stressful for me because I drove there every day to feed her dinner and get her ready for bed. She is very OCD and can't sit for more than a few seconds without trying to get up to do God only knows what! Cattails, Do you have a wheelchair for your dad? We have 2 here. A regular and a transport. Mom was falling all the time and we had to do something to keep her safe. the alarm pads didn't work for us. By the time they went off, she was already on the floor! The wheelchairs allow her to be mobile and us breathing room. Now she has progressed with the PD to the point that she can only walk a short distance with someone holding on to her. At night we put pillows under her mattress pad on both sides of her. Sort of like a "scoop" mattress that they use in NH. She has become accustomed to all of this and has not tried to get out of bed on her own for the past year. I still have to get up and turn her to her side in the early morning hours, but I no longer find her sleeping in weird places! She also takes seroquel at bedtime. This calms her down and helps her sleep through the entire night. Definitely look into getting him a wheelchair and ask hid doctor about a sleep aid. Both of these will make your life much easier and his much safer. I also sit mom in her wheelchair when I'm outside working in the yard. She loves to be out in the air too! When I do sit her in the recliner for a rest, I us a gait belt around her waist and recline the chair back so that she can't escape on her own. Some people make think that securing them to a chair is terrible, I think it's good common sense and a way to keep them safe and us sane. One thing I found over time with Mom is that she becomes conditioned to our safety measures. Cricket, I would love to join your game, but I don't watch too many movies. My RLS prevents me from sitting in one place for to long. As for the whole NH issue, we all have our reasons for what we do and no one has a right to criticize anyone elses decision. we all have enough guilt to live with! On to the subject of plants!!!! We put our garden in last weekend because rain was predicted for most of the week. Well, despite much cloudiness and sprinkles, the ground is still dry!!! We are watering every day to get things going. If it stays dry like this, I'm sure the bugs will start eating everything in sight! Good news is my calla lilies are pushing through the soil!!!! Can't wait for them to bloom!!! Okay, haven't coughed in 15 minutes. That's a good sign. Need to get the big air conditioner into the dining room today. I'm glad I got Mom's and our bedroom ones in during the week. This humidity and heat make my asthma act up worse. I know I didn't address everyone, but my head is pretty fuzzy. Hope you all have an easy day!
Deef: Thanks for the info. Yes, he has a wheelchair that we use when he goes outside. He uses his walker in the house, but only with assistance. He's not stable enough on his own and he can't seem to find his way without guidance. I hope you get better soon and your sis can take your mom to the ER. Get some rest.
It's a beautiful day here. Hoping to get outside and work on the greenhouse.
THANK You cattails You are right I have been in this family long enough I should of known .... I am taking charge to after your advice over me missing my daughters ball game I have hired a girl ive known for years and was recommended by my moms best friend who has used her for her husband that is obease and has alot of mobility problems so she cant just leave him. I have her coming to meet MIL on Monday. Also called & made dr. appt. for MIL & was told her daughter canceled her last one at end of April. I couldnt believe it when nurse said that. I told hubby he taking us & No one even needs to know when she gets the bill she can ask questions then & I will tell her well you cancelled them so I made them, and I will see what she says about getting a second opion & I want to see about the depakote I read so many of the caregivers dealing with AD give & she is on aricept. Which dr. already said if I feel time to change it or discontiue just let her know thats always a hard one you dont know if there going to fly down hill without it but her dr. said sometimes its not doing any good anyway once diesease progresses. Yes My husband has been telling me that since the moms day incedent where sil called wanting her mom picked up now. He said I just have to let it go. He lets em all have it he likes to say I spit the truth he said thats why they go through me. I know I can't rely on them. They are nothing like my family. My dad is still living & pretty heathy he went to kentucky to spend time with his sisters for holiday weekend & I told him he needs to come here & see me he said well I didnt want to be in the way with your in laws family so I admitted to him how it really was. WELL He must of told my sisters & neices & nephews and aunts and cousins LORD they have all called wanting to know if IM okay and if I need anything I'm sure they will be coming by to check I have a great family My mom was sick for 3 years I was her main caregiver but these are same people that brought food and care and hours of sitting with my mom when ever I needed to be a mom or wife. There great. I am so glad I have all of you though . Cattails your KIND words is just what I needed this morning thank you so much! You and your father are in my thoughts and prayers poor guy. Cricket I dont even remb. if I seen a movie. let alone remb. lines... but have fun and Ill keep watching. deef hope you get some help so you feel better.....
Hi Gang, I had a nice long post typed up and I got interrupted and forgot to send it and it disappeared. My brother bought mom a used hoveround today. I'm not sure mom is going to get used to it, but its his money, not mine. We thought it might help her feel more independent when she gets to the NH. I know it sounds like I'm taking awhile to get her in there, but there are a lot of financial and leagal things we need to take care of first. My first step is to see if I can buy her home. Well I vacuumed and mopped the floors, all the while cursing my sister. After I came out the hospital that was one of her complaints, the house was dirty. To say I was pissed by the comment was an understatement.
B/f went out today just to get some time to himself. After a rough night with mom ringing her bell over and over again, he was tired and cranky. That's one of the reason's we are taking our little trip on Monday. We both need some down time away from mom.
Well, let me go clean the bathroom now. Once that is done I shall have a shower and chill out, or as much as mom will let me. Deef, take care of that cold. I know how asthma can turn that cold into a frightening ordeal. And yes, call sis to take mom to the ER.
Diane: I am so happy you and B/F are going to have Monday away and to yourselves. How long has it been since you last had a fun day off? That's wonderful.
By the way, my house is not as clean as it use to be. Something about feeling trapped can just take the wind out of your sails some days. I think it happens to lots of care givers. Tell you sis (under your breath) what she can do with the mop when your done with it. Have a fantastic day tomorrow.
Here I sit dirty and stinky from cleaning the house and can't even get to a have a bath. It's things like this that drive me bonkers about being a caregiver. Just had to have a mini vent. Thanks
Diane: I just want to say I am proud of you for doing the NH thing and getting a day off tomorrow. Your dirty and stinky right now and you can't take a bath. This will change and you will get a chance to see how much of you was lost over the past years. We just slip into this place, mentally and emotionally, where we lose our perspective. We are no longer who we are, we are just an extension of our parent's need. We go further and further into this other reality and it's hard to find our way back. Sometime soon, I hope, you can take a shower or bath whenever you want. I hope you have a great day tomorrow and that it serves as a reminder that there is life, a good life, ahead for you. Hugs, Cattails.
Amen Cattails! What you said is so true. I've been spending the last year of my life dividing my focus on caring for my Father and my own struggle to not lose myself in the process. Been there and done that to many years. I feel blessed that I have been able to keep caring for my father myself here at home instead of going the NH route but when the day comes where I can't maintain both of us I will find a NH for him and try to do the best I can for him in that situation as well.
Diane, it's good that you're venting. How about a good rinse off in the shower once your Mom's asleep for 5 minutes? If not there is the good old reliable sponge bath, that is if by then you can still get up, lol. Look at it this way, at least you got your house nice and clean. That should feel good.
I'm clean!!!! My brother must have felt guilty when I didn't respond to his text. He came over and sat with mom so I could go shower. Kudos to him. Mom has been very needy and having her dying spells frequently the last few days. It may be the stress of thinking of going to a NH.
Yes Angel, I'm 49 going on 80. It's pitiful that it hurts to pick-up the laptop because all my joints are worn out from lifting mom over and over again. Pathetic I tell you!
Dtflex, I feel ya at the age for you are one yr older than I and I felt like I was in my 100's last week. Don't really know how 100 feels but I'm sure i felt it. It probable felt great too. It is amazing how people take the little bitty things for granted. Hey, at least you can say that, "you're spic-n-clean." ; )
Ok y'all, I should be in my bed getting much needed sleep. But here I sit playing on my computer just enjoying some me time. Sounds like a guilty pleasure doesn't it :)
Just got finished storm prepping the boat. We are going to take a hit from ol Beryl. I moved the boat yesterday to a floating dock in case of high water and she has so many dock lines it looks like boat crow shayed to dock haha.
All you guys make decisions for you and no one else. If taking care of mom or dad is killing you then.....? Screw anyone else's clueless opinion including mine. No one can answer to what you are dealing with personally and make that call but you. Of course the main issue is the frog in the frying pan syndrome where you think that people doing this to you is ok. It's not ok.
Cricket! great idea on the movie game love it!
love you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
I wish to clarify for those of you who might have misunderstood my compliments to Christina for having the courage to put her Mom in a NH and my reference to many who don't. I was in no way talking about you Deef or anyone else specifically. I was just stating an observation, not a judgement. Because I praised Christina for what she did doesn't mean that I think the rest of you are losers for not putting your loved one in a NH. Everyone's circumstances are unique to them, I just happen to know that Christina made the best decision for her situation and I see that their are those who don't do it for their own reasons, whether they are honorable or not that is none of my business and I don't judge them, I just hate to see them suffer. It's all part of each one of us growing and learning in our experience of life and we are all in different places on this path. I sincerely respect where everyone is at the present moment in their life and it is my desire to be supportive and loving to everyone here. So I hope you are able to see more clearly what I think, and know that I was in no way implying judgement on anyone. I guess my mistake was to not focus on how others might misunderstand what I was saying. I will try to be more considerate in this way so no ones feelings are hurt or so that they don't take something I say the wrong way. Lord knows the last thing I ever want to do is to say something that makes another person feel guilt.
So can we all just get along? And if we disagree on something can we just agree to disagree?
Bobbie, If you need to you can always come down to my Crazyville and stay with me, okay?
Cattails you guessed right! It was Beauty and the Beast. As to the word being "bad or burned" It sounded to me like "bad" but you might be right, burned would make sense, either way, it's your turn :)
Cricket I am sure everyone understands what you are say-you are a good person and no way would anyone think you are critizing them for either placement or home care. There are so many variables like for example Linda -her Pa really loved her and tried to not be too much for her to care for even though she had a hard row to hoe there were times he would let her know how much he appreciated her and she had family around as for me I did not want to go with medicaide but the aides I used were not working out they would not come the hours that were hardest for me which was the evening-if I had had 3-4 hours arout 7-10 pm where I could have gotten some rest or my church family could have understood what I was going through I could have made it work-but I was alone whith a mean abusive man who told others I did not do much for him-and medicaide would have left me with getting a job at my age and very poor-it was God's providence to have him get critical the last day of insurance coverage and have him on life support for the last 3 days of his life-it has been 3 yrs and more years to come to clean up the mess he left me in and the knowledge he would not recoganize only me the two days he was somewhat alert showing me he really did hate me as he often said and he said often he wanted to kill me and had tried many times until he became too weak to kill a puppet. I know how hard it is too make that decision as you do so do not worry-those who know you know where your heart is in reguard tp placement.
The bro did something nice last night so I guess it was time for the sis to rear her ugly head. She has decided to withhold her whopping $300 monthly conribution to mom's care and not order diapers for her. She can go f**k herself. I just ordered everything on Amazon. I shouldn't be surprised each time she gets nastier, but I just cant believe how of base she is. I hope I live long enough to watch karma bite her in the ass.
I guess that's my drama for the day. Bobbie, take care with Beryl. Even when they are "minor" storms they can kick up some nasty weather. Cricket are you far enough south to escape the effects of Beryl?
NH or home care, it is an individual decision based on your abilities, finances and support system. It's not for anyone on the outside to judge.
austin - thank you for ur commets . you re right about my pa , always thankin me for everything i do for him , makes me feel apprecative , he has told me that i can put him in the nursing home cuz he was too much of a burden on me and that he would understand it . i told him if i did that i be spendin more time at the nursing home so nana he is to stay right here with me , and he did .... sometimes i read other people s post and im thinkin gawd if that was my mom or if that was my dad u bet they be in a nursing home ! so it is depending on the love and the kindness toward eachother , pa and i were two peas in a pod . i love my dad and i refuse to let anybody take care of him , they dont know him like i do , i know if pa is comfty or not etc . i know what he wants and others cant understand what he s saying but i do , no way i let someone take care of him . when i was gone for few days in jan to my niece s funeral , pa keeps askin for me , when is linda comin back? , he was missing me terrible and i couldnt wait to get back home to him . i love my dad .... he raised me well . mom raise me to respect the elders and i sure did . for who feels they need to place thier elders , dont feel bad about it , moto is damn if u do damn if u dont . have a happy sunday , xoxoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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Cattails/
Christina, You did the best you could with your mom. The chemical restraints are the main reason I won't place Mom. And I'm still worried that we could lose our home. Being in a NH doesn't make it any easier as we still feel the need to visit and monitor their care. the 2 times Mom was in rehab after falls, were more stressful for me because I drove there every day to feed her dinner and get her ready for bed. She is very OCD and can't sit for more than a few seconds without trying to get up to do God only knows what!
Cattails, Do you have a wheelchair for your dad? We have 2 here. A regular and a transport. Mom was falling all the time and we had to do something to keep her safe. the alarm pads didn't work for us. By the time they went off, she was already on the floor! The wheelchairs allow her to be mobile and us breathing room. Now she has progressed with the PD to the point that she can only walk a short distance with someone holding on to her. At night we put pillows under her mattress pad on both sides of her. Sort of like a "scoop" mattress that they use in NH. She has become accustomed to all of this and has not tried to get out of bed on her own for the past year. I still have to get up and turn her to her side in the early morning hours, but I no longer find her sleeping in weird places! She also takes seroquel at bedtime. This calms her down and helps her sleep through the entire night. Definitely look into getting him a wheelchair and ask hid doctor about a sleep aid. Both of these will make your life much easier and his much safer. I also sit mom in her wheelchair when I'm outside working in the yard. She loves to be out in the air too! When I do sit her in the recliner for a rest, I us a gait belt around her waist and recline the chair back so that she can't escape on her own. Some people make think that securing them to a chair is terrible, I think it's good common sense and a way to keep them safe and us sane. One thing I found over time with Mom is that she becomes conditioned to our safety measures.
Cricket, I would love to join your game, but I don't watch too many movies. My RLS prevents me from sitting in one place for to long.
As for the whole NH issue, we all have our reasons for what we do and no one has a right to criticize anyone elses decision. we all have enough guilt to live with!
On to the subject of plants!!!! We put our garden in last weekend because rain was predicted for most of the week. Well, despite much cloudiness and sprinkles, the ground is still dry!!! We are watering every day to get things going. If it stays dry like this, I'm sure the bugs will start eating everything in sight! Good news is my calla lilies are pushing through the soil!!!! Can't wait for them to bloom!!!
Okay, haven't coughed in 15 minutes. That's a good sign. Need to get the big air conditioner into the dining room today. I'm glad I got Mom's and our bedroom ones in during the week. This humidity and heat make my asthma act up worse.
I know I didn't address everyone, but my head is pretty fuzzy. Hope you all have an easy day!
Deef, I hope you call your Sister and take care of yourself. I hate being sick too.
It's beautiful outside here this morning so I'm going to go outside and breathe it all in. BBL
Cricketღ
Deef: Thanks for the info. Yes, he has a wheelchair that we use when he goes outside. He uses his walker in the house, but only with assistance. He's not stable enough on his own and he can't seem to find his way without guidance. I hope you get better soon and your sis can take your mom to the ER. Get some rest.
It's a beautiful day here. Hoping to get outside and work on the greenhouse.
Cattails
Cattails your KIND words is just what I needed this morning thank you so much! You and your father are in my thoughts and prayers poor guy.
Cricket I dont even remb. if I seen a movie. let alone remb. lines...
but have fun and Ill keep watching.
deef hope you get some help so you feel better.....
Well I vacuumed and mopped the floors, all the while cursing my sister. After I came out the hospital that was one of her complaints, the house was dirty. To say I was pissed by the comment was an understatement.
B/f went out today just to get some time to himself. After a rough night with mom ringing her bell over and over again, he was tired and cranky. That's one of the reason's we are taking our little trip on Monday. We both need some down time away from mom.
Well, let me go clean the bathroom now. Once that is done I shall have a shower and chill out, or as much as mom will let me. Deef, take care of that cold. I know how asthma can turn that cold into a frightening ordeal. And yes, call sis to take mom to the ER.
Have a good afternoon dear friends!
Love ya,
Diane
By the way, my house is not as clean as it use to be. Something about feeling trapped can just take the wind out of your sails some days. I think it happens to lots of care givers. Tell you sis (under your breath) what she can do with the mop when your done with it. Have a fantastic day tomorrow.
Diane, it's good that you're venting. How about a good rinse off in the shower once your Mom's asleep for 5 minutes? If not there is the good old reliable sponge bath, that is if by then you can still get up, lol. Look at it this way, at least you got your house nice and clean. That should feel good.
Yes Angel, I'm 49 going on 80. It's pitiful that it hurts to pick-up the laptop because all my joints are worn out from lifting mom over and over again. Pathetic I tell you!
Have a good night!
Diane, it sounds like a well deserved break to me. I'm glad you got it.
Deef, I hope you and your Mom are feeling better soon.
Nighty night all,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Just got finished storm prepping the boat. We are going to take a hit from ol Beryl. I moved the boat yesterday to a floating dock in case of high water and she has so many dock lines it looks like boat crow shayed to dock haha.
All you guys make decisions for you and no one else. If taking care of mom or dad is killing you then.....? Screw anyone else's clueless opinion including mine. No one can answer to what you are dealing with personally and make that call but you.
Of course the main issue is the frog in the frying pan syndrome where you think that people doing this to you is ok. It's not ok.
Cricket! great idea on the movie game love it!
love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
I wish to clarify for those of you who might have misunderstood my compliments to Christina for having the courage to put her Mom in a NH and my reference to many who don't. I was in no way talking about you Deef or anyone else specifically. I was just stating an observation, not a judgement. Because I praised Christina for what she did doesn't mean that I think the rest of you are losers for not putting your loved one in a NH. Everyone's circumstances are unique to them, I just happen to know that Christina made the best decision for her situation and I see that their are those who don't do it for their own reasons, whether they are honorable or not that is none of my business and I don't judge them, I just hate to see them suffer. It's all part of each one of us growing and learning in our experience of life and we are all in different places on this path. I sincerely respect where everyone is at the present moment in their life and it is my desire to be supportive and loving to everyone here. So I hope you are able to see more clearly what I think, and know that I was in no way implying judgement on anyone. I guess my mistake was to not focus on how others might misunderstand what I was saying. I will try to be more considerate in this way so no ones feelings are hurt or so that they don't take something I say the wrong way. Lord knows the last thing I ever want to do is to say something that makes another person feel guilt.
So can we all just get along? And if we disagree on something can we just agree to disagree?
Bobbie, If you need to you can always come down to my Crazyville and stay with me, okay?
Cattails you guessed right! It was Beauty and the Beast. As to the word being "bad or burned" It sounded to me like "bad" but you might be right, burned would make sense, either way, it's your turn :)
Love you all!
☻/ღ˚ •。* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 。* °♥ ˚ • ★ *˚ .ღ 。
/▌*˛˚ღ •˚ ˚sprinkle of Love . ~♥~˚ ✰* ★
/ \ ˚. ★ *˛ ˚♥* ✰。˚ ˚ღ。* ˛˚ ♥ 。✰˚* ˚ ★ღ
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¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
I guess that's my drama for the day. Bobbie, take care with Beryl. Even when they are "minor" storms they can kick up some nasty weather. Cricket are you far enough south to escape the effects of Beryl?
NH or home care, it is an individual decision based on your abilities, finances and support system. It's not for anyone on the outside to judge.
Have a good afternoon all!
Love ya,
Diane
sometimes i read other people s post and im thinkin gawd if that was my mom or if that was my dad u bet they be in a nursing home ! so it is depending on the love and the kindness toward eachother ,
pa and i were two peas in a pod . i love my dad and i refuse to let anybody take care of him , they dont know him like i do , i know if pa is comfty or not etc . i know what he wants and others cant understand what he s saying but i do , no way i let someone take care of him .
when i was gone for few days in jan to my niece s funeral , pa keeps askin for me , when is linda comin back? , he was missing me terrible and i couldnt wait to get back home to him . i love my dad .... he raised me well . mom raise me to respect the elders and i sure did .
for who feels they need to place thier elders , dont feel bad about it , moto is damn if u do damn if u dont .
have a happy sunday , xoxoxo