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He has had diarrhea five days now, very likely his own fault for rinsing off his dentures with unwashed hands...he is in the crapper now, no wash, big mess and mom gonna cook four feet from the door. Great now we can all get E-coli and die...
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Diane, Hold your ground! Give your brother time to cool off. Don't answer the phone or the door and call your lawyer in the morning. Nothing they can do as long as you are POA. Make sure your Psychiatrist knows what's going on too. Maybe your mom needs to talk to the lawyer and set some solid ground rules to protect you both. grab a glass of wine and put your feet up. Better yet, give mom a glass of wine too!
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Austin, Thanks for the reminder of 911. My mother always wants me to call my brother. I really didn't need him or 911 as long as the sitter and I could get her connected to the lift. Right now he is busy threatening me with each text
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My brother is back to threatening to report me to the authorities. He is such and ass
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I agree D hold your ground and it appears he doesn't really have any to stand on....
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Diane: Just want you to know that I deleted my first responses to your brother. He's just pissed off because his day was inconvenienced with her fall. So you are the POA and your mom is still of sound mind. You didn't put your brother on the POA or your sister? I remember that you were giving them more of a roll in your mom's finances and care, but can't remember about the POA issue.

Has he had any financial costs associated with your mom? It sounds like his wife was pissed off because his mom required too much of his time, money, or thought processes. I think he is just using you as the fall guy for his own failings. I'm sure there was more wrong in their marriage besides any disagreements about you or your mom. It's easier for him to forget the other issues and just blame you for his failings.

Just tell him that his reaction to the day's events are over the top. You are sorry for his unhappiness, but throwing you and your mom to the dogs isn't going to change his life for the better. It just gives him someone to punish for his own disappointments. If you can find it in you to say this, tell him you need his support. Tell him that things will work out, but he needs to understand that the lives of others are important too. I don't know if it will help, but it may stall things. At times it does seem like he cares about you. He has his own problems and that is probably what he reacts to.

Back to the house. How old are the comps. Are things selling in your area. Where I live it is so slow, but houses in the price range you are dealing with do sell. Are your sibs in agreement with the price you are looking at?

Is there anything in your debts that can be consolidated? Refinancing a car payment to include credit card debt which might lower your payments and lower the debt ratio. Same with your BF.

Diane: I have confidence in you. Things are not the same as they were before. You are not the same. I know you have your low times, but you come back up to the surface and that's the good thing. You are in counseling now and have a chance to see the phy for med changes. You are seeing the care of your mom as the true challenge it is and you are getting little glimpses of a life of your own. One you so deserve.

When does your mom's LTC expire? I'm just wondering if there is any way to fashion a second on the house or a private note from your mom. For example, if the house is worth $120,000.00 and your mom's LTC expires two years from the time of the sale. She needs about $95,000.00 to get through 2 years of NH expense. That's if the daily cost doesn't go up. Now she also has some monthly income that can go to the monthly cost and might reduce the overall cost somewhat.

I'm just wondering if she can sell the house to you for $95,000.00 and then take a second on the property after the loan has recorded for the difference in market value and the loan you received. The note could be for no interest and no monthly payments, but would have to be due and payable around the time of her LTC policy ending. That would give you and BF some time to get more hours at work, pay off debt and refinance the second. It's not a sure thing, just a thought. Your mom's lawyer could draw something up that would show that the second or private loan from you amounted to full market value so it shouldn't effect her medicaid in the future. You need more legal input on this to make sure it would work, but it seems like an avenue worth pursuing.

I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. Don't give up until the fat lady sings. Love ya, Cattails.
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Thanks Cat, Jen, Deef and everyone else that has offered support and encouragement. Right now I am trying to calm down since I'm having pressure on my chest and pain in my shoulder blade. I'll be damned if I'm going to die and give those SOB's the satisfaction. If I don't feel better soon I will get my bf to take me to the ER.
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Diane: Breathe. Let us know how you are as soon as you can. My heart aches for you. Wish I was there to run interference. Don't wait too long. I hate that you have to go through all this shit.
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flex - take one zannie and stay calm . from now on u call 911 instead of ur bro .. i wouldnt want him around me if he s like that . drag you down with him , oh shit fk that ... i know my pa does that fit sometimes . gets up and use all my strenght to hold his hindend up ! oh my gosh all my muscles and ripped . shit damn it ! then it got tothe point where i had to say im sory dad u cant stand up anymre and i cant carry 200 something lbs , im sorry , ure bedriddn pa . oh horray it made my body happy and have time to heal . i still hurt anyways . tore my poor ole muscles up .
had a good weekend , bonfire all nighters last night , went to bed 330 am :-) . full moon and u could see everything . it was beautiful and sooo peaceful ahhhh , jammin the radio and the fire was going so good . stared at the fire oh wow ...
flex keep in touch and we ll keep in touch with you too ,
jen- feed ur gpa some antidiahreah meds . he s gonna be shittin to death . plz lord no ecoli ..... virus ..... sure invite ur new neighbor for coffee and make sure he sits next to the bathroom .maybe he ll never come back for coffee again,

deef - yes i agree my pa was better off at home . he needs one on one care . i am happy that i was able to do it , if he had went to nh he owuld have died alot quicker , he was afraid of nh as i am too , yikes ,,,
flex --- maybe ur moms showing her ass cuz she knows ure gonna put her in nursing home and its makin her fussy wussy about it . ah hell im going to falllll .
oh lord plz take this pblms away .
oh alrighty , someone mention is this suppose be gross out ? yep honey everything we do is grossed out ...
nighty nite you all , hugs and kisses ..
christina ~~~ meow ~~~
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Hey.... where's Meanwhile? I want to know how the party went. .... and if there's some of that cake left. Mmmm mmm!
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Oh yea! Judy!!! Cake sounds good right now, but I'm going to bed soon. Have to get up early and get Mom spruced up for daycare. She seems to be resting better tonight after taking the night time PD pill away. her body is not contorting all over the place like it has been. She ate well today and behaved better than she has in weeks. Of course she practically sh!t a horse worth of poo the last 3 days, so maybe that was part of her problem!!! Got to love it, living the life here!!!
Diane, never mind your brother. Call 911 if your pain gets worse!!! Do not have your boyfriend drive you just in case. As for mom and brother, it's a full moon tomorrow, so.....
Hear that everyone? Full moon tomorrow!!! OWWHOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Linda!!!!!! Beer and bonfire time!!!!!
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I tried to go to bed but I'm too uncomfortable to sleep. I'm trying to decide if its really my heart or I pulled some muscles trying to keep mom on her feet after all her rebellions today. She tried to take a spill two more times this evening. I'm very sad and hurt by all that is going on. This is probably the most stressful part of caregiving as far as I'm concerned.
Linda, that bonfire under a full moon sounds great. I noticed last night as I was laying in the recliner in mom's bedroom that it was full moon. I'm sitting in the recliner in the living room right now. Maybe I can get comfy and fall asleep here. Rest well everyone.
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You should go to the hospital. If its not a pulled muscle, then you can't waste a minute. Really. Go. Jeez. You're scaring me.
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Oh, jeez, dtflex, I'm heading to bed and I'm worried about you. I'll check in the morning to see how you are. I wish you would've commented back. I hope you got med attention if you needed it. I'm too far away to help. Not a good feeling to head to bed with. Hope you're alright. xxx, Judy
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I fell asleep for about an hour and half but I'm up again with a bad headache. Its just my body reacting to the stress. I hear it rumbling outside. Maybe we will get a thunderstorm and wash away all this negative crap. Sorry that I've worried you all.
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Hey All,

I apologize for my seemingly droping of the face of the earth. I started a new job awhile back and I am no longer on graveyards. Its difficult to check in often but I just wanted to say hello to every one.


I hope each of you continue to give and get some measure of peace and comfort from each other.


Igore
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Good morning. How you doin this morning Diane???

Last night on her way to bed-mom informed me that her rooms need to be dusted... I told her that when she goes to Day Care this week-I will clean her rooms up real good! (She won't let me run the vaccume when she is in the room) She just gave me a look. I just laughed!
I hope everyone can take one moment for themselves and just breathe! Keep on keepin on! Mame
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Good Morning ALL!! I apologize for creeping and not posting lately... I have felt so overwhelmed. My father's manipulations are getting the best of me. I sympathize with the stress level of Dtflex ..I have had some huge panic attacks which literally feel like heart attacks. ( I am assuing that part!) I have had them years ago when I was laid off after 20 years on the job and my Mother was dying ( of chemo) ....so I am familiar with the feeling, and I know the stress level around home here is incredible. My father refuses to cooperate in any part of the day and he makes a lifestyle out of confrontation and scowling. He is so unhappy and it determined to make everyone around as miserable as he feels.
Today he told me he might be low on " those 'mind numbing' pills that I make him take"......They are anti depressants prescribed by your physician to help you deal..instead of sitting in the corner in the dark and pouting!!
I understand that he used to live alone...for the past 40+ years and now that he has been in a horrific truck/motorcycle accident he can no longer live alone, no longer drive, and his mental state is shattered by his experience. Not only the physical...but having been sued and losing a HUGE chunk of his lifetime savings....I have had to take on the responsibility of making sure his court ordered instructions are followed and all payments have been made. We do not have even a fraction of the lifetime savings that he has inheirited and saved. SO when I had to transfer enormous sums of money it made me shake and internally panic all over again...
I also have a teenaged son and my number ONE hubby who has taken all of this on right by my side...without him I would have crumbled long ago.
...not to ramble on peeps!!
I have watched and read and been comforted from afar...
Cricket you are just FAB and your advice is always right on the money and so very kind...Linda...cattails...so many friends are all in this crazy boat.
I love the idea of all night bonfires!!
I have been taking advantage of my new bike that my brother sent...I aim for 8 to 12 + miles every morning before my father gets up..I can tell you the days that I have to miss, for appointments or rain...I can really feel the letdown
I will suggest to others th benefit of physical exercise..especially early in the day for me~~ helps me have the energy later when I need it!
Take care friends...thanks for letting me sit back when I need to
XOX Mary Beth
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Hi all, it's SS checking in. Diane, damn it I hate when family blames you for everything when u are doing all the work. I have that from one sister and it sucks.

Flex, yes call 911, it's free. And you can have your brother's number blocked from your phone so you won't even RECEIVE the texts. Call your carrier and they can do that. I think that's free too! He'll get the message.

So back to reason for our season, being grossed out. I had absolutely the most grossed out weekend I could imagine. I though someone was testing me to see when I would puke. I took my mother back our home town (about 3.5 hours away), to see some family on both sides, one for a graduation and one for a baby shower. My own family (husband and kids), weren't coming, so I though I would ask my Mom if she wanted to come, and maybe give her some closure. I knew it would be difficult, managing her mobility, her incontinence, her constant chatter of "I wish I had done this in my life....I could have done that, why did your father HAVE to fall, I could worn this....." all that stuff. But I thought the bigger benefit would be her ability to see all these people again, maybe for the last time and maybe not. So she said yes, and after three anxious days of "what should I wear?" "where will I sleep?" and so....we hit the road. Within 20 minutes of being on the road, she described how she threw up the night before (all from nerves of course), what it looked like, then she went on to tell me what it feels like when she pees in her depends, then why she needs a stool softener. I said "STOP!" I really don't want to hear it. She left out no bodily function, even described how she picked a zit....ewwww!!! OMG, why would she think I would want to know ANY of this??? Oh, Christ......

Then at the second function (we were at a country club setting, function room with bathrooms down the hall), , she said, "I'm going to go to the bathroom before we leave." I said great. Well, she had been in there quite a while and I went in and the entire place some permeated with stink and shit. I see two little feet and undies on the floor. She had an accident, it splattered EVERYWHERE....she opened the door there was shit ALL over her, all over the floor, all over her clothes, and she was picking it out of her shoes with a nail file. There's more but I will spare you the rest of details. She knew I as mad. I wasn't mad at her, just the situation, which was now MY situation. Hmmm.. you think sucking down wine and vodka around the clock when she's at home has anything to do with it? Never again. Thank you for letting me share. I'm sorry if it made you sick. I can't go on caring for her. She grosses me out at every turn. I don't have the stomach for it.

Someone please write about something nice today!!

-xo
-SS
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SS.. it's okay if you can't do it. We all just do what we can and no one rightly expects us to do more. Sorry you had such a bad experience but I tell you it made me laugh. That's what I do when I want to cry, I laugh because it helps me get through it. It's when I don't laugh but sit down and cry that I know I'm getting close to the end of my rope. I'm glad you could vent about it, that's a good sign.

This morning my Plumeria got it's first bloom! Plumeria flowers are the ones they use in the Hawaiian Lei's. I have two of these plants on my patio and this morning I was greeted by the white flower. Made my heart sing! Flowers do it for me, LOL

Okay continuing on the MOVIE LINE GAME.... the last quote was from the 1960 movie HARVEY. I will try to use an easier one next..

Movie Quote:

"Every woman is a mystery to be solved." What's the movie?

Have a great day everyone! I took the day off yesterday and let the house sit so today I have to play catch up.. I'll check back when I take a break.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
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SS: Judy mentioned a shit balloon exploding a while back. Looks like it happened again. I can't imagine the trepidation you must have felt as the door to the bathroom stall opened. OMG. I'm still imagining your next steps in getting her out of there.

It was thoughtful of you to take your mom with you. I guess it did bring some closure. What a memory.

Glad you are home now and hope you recover. Hugs, Cattails
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By the way, does anyone else sometimes find that they can't get the smell of some bathroom events out of their nostrils. There have been times when I check my own clothes to see if it is on me too. It's not, but I just can't escape the smell.
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My hubby will walk in from work, turn on every bathroom fan and open doors-even in winter just to try and get rid of that smell!!! UGH!! I think I am immune to the smell now... One Sunday, mom had a terrible bout of the poops and I cleaned her up and her room and sprayed Lysol etc... My brother and his girlfriend walk in for a visit...mom says-come in and close the door so it will stay warmer in here! I thought my bro was gonna die!!! I just laughed-and went to take a much needed shower!
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Lol so bobbie just a suggestion .might want to get a new one and hide it out of normal care areas ie the bathroom sink aswell as any other items that you wouldn't want used in inappropriate ways it will help on cutting down your suprises. Good Luck :)
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Hi Timsherwood, Bobbie started this thread with that post back in 2010! Anyway, welcome to the grossed out thread, stick around and you will find plenty to be grossed out about. LOL

Cattails.....I think they call that (PTSS) Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. We need to find out what Coroner's use when doing Autopsy's and all get some!
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Hey there! About gross smells. Merry still gags after all these years, but poop smells are no longer a problem with my nose. Guess my brain has learn to shut down my olfactory senses when I'm dealing with bathroom smells. Puke, now that's something I absolutely cannot tolerate! The sound, the colors, and yes, that nasty smell!!!! When I used to sub in a doctor's office, he told me one of his very old colleagues taught him the Vicks Vaporub trick. Whenever he had to do a gyno exam on a not so clean lady, he would break out the Vicks for us to put under our noses beforehand. The first time I was in to assist him, he kept making faces at me from behind the privacy sheet. Barely kept my composure! Next time the family visits, have a jar by the door and tell them if they don't use it, they can't complain about any bad smells.
On a different note, Mom had a great day at daycare and I managed to get her up the front steps and into the house without mishap. She was even in a good mood for a change! Not sure if I can attribute that to the med dosage being cut, the full moon, or just a fluke. Time will tell!
SS, I hope you brought a change of clothes! I don't take mom anywhere without a bag of goodies, just in case! Sorry you had to deal with that by yourself.
Diane, I hope you get some peace today.
Time to switch the laundry!
Oh yeah! While my husband was on the phone this morning, I skipped out and went to Walmart ALL BY MYSELF!!!!! Boy did that feel good. I rarely get any time to myself unless I go hide in the cellar or out in the yard. It was a nice treat!
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It's weird. It get through all the stuff that is so gross, but you know when it hits me? When I'm brushing my teeth. If often find that is when I just want to gag. Never had that before.
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Deef, Yay to sneaking out! I love it when I get to do that too :) but so far I have been blessed with my Husband working out of his garage/office so I have it better than you but even so If I have to go out I usually do it quick so my Husband isn't so distracted while working, plus he doesn't check as often as I would like when I am away so I hurry so I don't worry. I need to take a trip over to Wallyworld also to get some small pots for planting.

Cattails that is weird... are you brushing your teeth in the same bathroom that all the gross stuff happens in? Maybe try brushing your teeth in a different location.

Everyone wanna hear something really pathetic? Every morning for the last year I have to clean up a poopy bed pad from my old dog Blackie. Everyone around me always says.. will you just put that dog down! I've had him for around 19 yrs now and he's always been such a good little dog. He is mostly blind, deaf, and sleeps all the time but at night when all the other dogs have gone to bed he plays and does tricks for me while I feed him a little ceasars (he loves cause most of his teeth have fallen out) LOL I pray all the time that when he goes he will just go peacefully in his sleep, if any dog deserves to it is him. I know according to everyone around me I am pathetic but I really don't care, the way I feel is that as long as he is not in any pain and is still able to eat and go to the bathroom I will keep him alive, even if he falls over when trying to sit up and beg. LOL
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Thanks for chiming in everyone. Yes, I had a change of clothes. I don't go down the street, never mind the next state over, with EITHER Mom or dad, without a change of clothes and a fresh Depends!!!

And when u can't get the smell out of your nose, (ready for this...), check your nails!!!! EWWWWWW!!!!

luv u all tons!

-SS
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Cricket - I had a cat that lived to 21!! She was even on TV! We put her down when she started to fall on her face when jumping of the couch and more food stayed in her mouth than got into her stomach. Poor thing...Couldn't imagine ending her life but she was pretty cooked. You'll know when the right time is, too.

xo
-SS
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