Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

BEST JOKE OF 2012 (so far)]

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to
hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is
for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars,
so Putin writes him a check.

Next, Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When
she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million
dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is $2.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush
got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, " Since
Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Good Morning Crew,

Still in boat shed but went and got a doohickey to get my own Internet so here I am. Ya I know, BFD.

CUZ!!! We are talking about little D? I remember she stayed with us for about a week when I was a kid. She got to witness some crazy me getting yelled at bless her heart for being so so sweet.
Oh man, I can't even imagine what she is feeling. Glad she is a big believer and that it is bringing her solace. Please please tell her I said I am thinking of her with much love and sweet memories of her.

Deef! Ya wow what you are dealing with physically omg.

Austin! Diane! lildeb! cricket!

Cattails the nightmares and flashbacks are something I can't deal with yet. I am proud of myself if I make it through the day and night without screaming crying sobbing. As I write this the tears are running down my cheeks and I have nothing to cry about. Everyone else has it so much worse than me but I am just a hot mess simply trying to cope with the most simple things. Sometimes I am so sad that I just can't move but the boat makes me get up and do for it because it has to be done.
I am a caregiver to a boat. It's good that it keeps me active and focused on something other than grief and I still wonder what would have become of me had I stayed in the house surrounded by the bewildering past, as bittersweet as it was.

Jen! We are so sensitive as writers and as a producer I learned the cost of making pages of paper stand up and come to life. Writing from both viewpoints is tough but doable and it is never easy to kill off your babies whether they be characters or jokes or tasty speeches that you realize the story doesn't need in order to move forward.
Good luck and I love that you are aiming at a bigger company! You are a wonderful writer and this is the hard part. Letting people see your creation and standing while they say whatever it is they're going to say. It's hard not to take it personally but we have to fight to do so. I hope that your readers are secure in themselves. If you want me to do anything, just let me know through our little network here.
If they are saying that there are too many characters, are they all onstage at the same time? Hasn't anyone heard of one actor and many hats or is managing more than one character at a time too difficult for the local actors.....? Ever heard of wigs, glasses, stick on mustaches, dialects? The Audience will totally go with the 'suspension of disbelief' and buy one actor doing 5 roles...
Oh... excuse me that was the snarky producer speaking to that theater company haha

Meanwhile! Love that horse and I hope your anniversary was sweet with good memories.

Linda! Glad you are getting out more as well! Good for you and love to your sis and to Deb.

Selfish siblings! so good to see you as always and SSK! you too.

OK, I have to go for now even though there are more I wanted to write to personally. It's Saturday and the yard's air compressor is running and I have to grind on my foredeck with my new angled air grinder. This is the first time I'm going to use an air tool other than a brad nailer so by the time my learning curve has exhausted itself, the guy who is using the air compressor with probably be finished with what he is doing and turn it off.
I won't lie to you this is a full on pain in the ass and since I am dealing with fiberglass I have to suit up with full respirator etc etc and it's hot and itchy. When I fix this forward hatch though it will be fixed and not leak like it has been since I bought this boat. It looks like the former owners did what I call 'panic fixes' where they did what they did with what they had on hand because weather was coming or whatever. Being under a boat shed is a luxury that this boat probably has never experienced and now, with the support of the experts at this yard, I have the opportunity to fix some things correctly and because of that those things will hopefully stay fixed.
I am sore and the air around my hair hurts but onward we go. It's a boat.

Christine! Whaddya doing?

As for Ted, we talk just about every day. He's going through Hell and dealing with it as best as he can. We both are fierce advocates for caregivers with two distinct points of view that both serve the caregiver so good for those that follow us should come of that.

Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob

Bobbie I love it when you stop by and glad of the update on Ted say hello to him for me-we still get Amber Jane's here from time to time as you know because you read the posts-the caregiver support group I am involved with is going good and the leaders seem commited to it and give those who are now caregivers plenty of time to talk and let us former caregivers say what we want to-as if they could stop me. My gentleman friend and I am history-he tried to rule my life and tell me how to handle things that came up and I rebelled so he stoped calling me. You worry me because you work too hard-hope you get to have some fun.

I aced my first final! Yes, it was just to get my CPR certification, but I had never done it before and I passed my course with flying colors. I just had my second final on Thursday and I aced it too. I got 100/100 on my hands on and 94/100 on the written, which wasn't as good, but I still feel great about being in the nineties. Especially since each question was worth two points. I also pointed out on question to the teacher that should have been correct. He looked at the test, looked where I was showing him in the book, and stated, "My answer key is wrong?!" It turned out that most of the class got it wrong so those who answered it correctly, but got marked down might be getting the points back on that one. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well with your various struggles and endeavors. I wish you all well, but I have to go. Taking MIL and GGIL to get their hair and nails done so they can look pretty when we go out for GGIL birthday supper this evening. Love you all and to all good luck.

Oh, my second final was in Reflexology.

Bobbie: Thank you for sharing what's going on with you. You are entitled to your grief and questions. Don't compare yourself to others. Your pain is as valid as anyone's. Keep talking and when you can, consider seeing a therapist who understands PTSD.

I'm glad the boat gets you up in the morning. Let us know how the repairs go today. Wow girl, working with fiberglass in hazmat gear will be an experience. Hope it goes well and the boat get her necessary fix.

Sending you lots of love, Cattails

Reflexology is the manipulation of the hands and feet for the benefit of a corresponding body part or organ in a specific system of the human body.
In english- I work the hands and feet to make the rest of your body feel better.

Good going Angel. A friend was showing me how to do some massage therapy on my horse this morning. He really liked it.
Cattails, I know what you mean about the recurring dreams. I'm trying to write it down, but haven't gotten very far yet. No way I can make a poem out of it. Almost every night, I'm lost in the desert, trying to find someone, or something. Sometimes I spot what I'm looking for, but it is out of reach.
Bobbi, everyone is different. Keep trying, and I hope something will work for you. My husband suffered from PTSD until he died. He was in Laos, in 68 to 69. The sound of a helicopter would make him duck. Even on TV. He never would tell me why. I guess that isn't very helpful. But, he never even tried to get help.

Meanwhile: Yes, you can make a poem out of that. Just write what you feel in the dream, you can describe what you see, but also how you feel when you see it. What are your surroundings. For example, "the sand burns my feet" if that's the case. Or "the sun is at mid-day", if that's the case. I'm lost, I'm alone, I feel panic, I'm searching for something. Whatever is happening in the dream and to you in the dream, try to capture what you are feeling; what you wake up feeling.

My dream was creepy. I would find myself in my in-laws old home where we use to always have big family gatherings. In my dream the house was covered in dust, like it had been left long ago. Some old furnishings were there, but they were torn and tattered and I just had a sense that bad things were in the house. It made me feel sad and creeped out. And then I would find myself climbing up slanted buildings with all kinds of strange angles and I had to get to this window which was oddly shaped and I had to climb in it and it was really scary to me because I though I would fall. Then I would be back in the house again. I felt like I was searching for something that belonged to me.

So here's an example of a few lines that I wrote:

I search the old
my shell for my core
finding dusty remnants
ghostly shadows left in time
suspended and abandoned
they warn me away
nothing lives here

I search to return
climbing the angles
crawling through crooked windows
beware this room
it's clutter and darkness
the corners where scavengers prey
nothing lives here
only a hunger on torn canvas
I choose to stay away

This dream went on and sometimes I was traveling a map, that's the best way I can describe it. I was going somewhere and it had borders, like going to a different country. Sometimes I would see an anchored ship and try to swim to it.

So the poem went to to include those things that I saw and felt. I just wrote. I didn't judge, worry about content, or exact words. It was fast and, as I said, I just wrote. It helped me to see the meaning of the dream.

A friend of mine writes often. She will use prompts, for example: The goal is just to write for 20 minutes. No judgement, just write. Try to see the pen as connected to your heart and let the words come from there more than from your mind. Here's a couple examples of prompts: (1) By the kitchen table. (2) When I think of home. At first you might just sit and stare at the paper, but try to feel what the words conjure up to you, a memory or a fantasy. It doesn't matter. After you have written for 20 to 30 minutes (set a timer) then put it aside. Go back later to add more or revise the words and structure.

The whole thing is that it opens up a part of your mind that we all tend to shut down. The more it opens, the more opportunity we have to get in touch with real things we are dealing with.

Ok, that's my blah blah about writing. Hugs to everyone. Cattails

Hi Y'all,

My b/f and I drove to Savannah to have lunch with my best friend today. We went to try a new restaurant. The food was ok, but the service was awful. To top it off, when I paid for the meal, the server lost my money. What a fiasco! Anyway, we ended up being 1 hour late in getting home. Luckily my brother didn't complain too much since he has to stay with mom 3 hours instead of 2. Mom has been much more difficult to handle lately. While I was out today she managed to fall 2 times. She either wants you to practically carry her like a baby, or not to touch her at all. She is very rebellious lately. Is this just the dementia or her response to my trying to get her in a nursing home? Just don't seem to know the answer.

I hope you each got to do something for yourselves today. I'll check in again tomorrow.

Have a good night,
Diane

Hey bobbie thank you for the info, and I agree you gotta be willing to listen and make changes...I am still at the may I have some feedback Please stage... Early days yet, early days.

Glad to see your post!


rotten day here, and terrible nightmares...do I need this... do any of us...Mom pissed off now too, God give me a break....

Diane, sorry about your Mom. It sounds like her dementia is getting worse. Otherwise she wouldn't be putting you through this. Jen, sorry your weekend is so bad. I'm looking forward to fixing my Step Dad a father's day dinner. Such a different situation. He surprised me today with gun rack he built for my small gun collection. He is such a dear. Did volunteer work after he retired, up until last year. Meals on wheels, Cancer fund raisers, church, even a homeless shelter. And, then he was surprised at how many people showed up at his 80th birthday party. I know it isn't fair, you are stuck with Fart pants, I'm so sorry
Cattails, thanks for the pointers, not going to try it out tonight. Getting a headache, and a sore throat. Better try and get to bed. Love you guys. .

Hey Meanwhile: You don't have to try it out ever if it doesn't sound right for you. I was just sharing something that worked for me at a certain point in my life. I've never shared that poem in part or whole with anyone, so felt a little exposed in doing so as it was quite personal to me.

I don't write now. I just focus on getting through each day. Cattails

Bobbie, I don't see how you can sit on a boat for all I can see is the water going back/forth blaaaaaaaaaaaa. Half of that boat information is like foreign langauge to me but it sounds like you r an expert on this boat stuff. You mention in your post that, "I am just a hot mess simply trying to cope with the most simple things." Well, get your hot-mess n take a dip in the water to cool yourself off n enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer us. ; ) You also said, "Sometimes I am so sad that I just can't move but the boat makes me get up and do for it because it has to be done." You are a very strong person n being on this boat sounds like something you need to help release some of your feelings n let it all just sail with the wind. Personally, I hope u r able to get the boat fix for fiber-glass just sounds painful to me. As for the PTSD, I am not sure if you been oversea or what circumstances may have cause you to have PTSD but I agree with Ladee that, to consider seeing a therapist that will listen to what you have to say. My son has been on 4 tours within his 8yrs overseas n he has spent more than 1yr plus each time he had to go overseas to Iraq n Afghanistan. My son has talked to a couselor n his preacher n it has helped him. I hope you r able to find peace n happiness n enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer n take that dip to cool that hot mess n go with the flow. ; )

Uhh, Ladee Never suggested counseling for Bobbie Lildeb, you have me confused with someone else... Bobbies boat is her therapy....

Anglehair, congratulations on all those great scores n don't be so hard on yourself for making a 94/100. That is awesome scores, u go girl!!!!! I think you should join in n treat yourself too with that hair n nail day out for u deserve to be pampered too. Great work...; ) Plus, you can Reflexology my feet anytime. ; )

Austin, you just keep on rebellion for no one should try to rule your life! Just think of him as he was not Mr. Right and keep on living life to the fullest.

Cuz, I hope your sister heals real soon emotionally n physically. With you by her side she is in good hands.

Meanwhile, I am sorry your husband didn't try to get help for his PTSD n that is nothing new from what I learned from my research report while I was going to a university school. A lot of the top notch old fuddy duddies would consider it to be weak n etc. A lot of that is changing now due to 'time n open minded people,' for this change has been long overdue.

Cattail, I have heard about this from somewhere about writing down what you dream. Place a pen n notpad next to your bed n just jot down what comes to you without any thinking involved. Is it called, "free style writing?" As for your dream it don't sound creepy it may sound like your r trying to find that sense of family togetherness that you had a long time ago in that house. The climbing may be you are searching for that feeling of togetherness n that is why u end up back at the same place. Do you still get together anymore like a family reunion? I know it won't be the same as the past n not like I'm an expert on dreams but at least it helps that u write them down n you are able to make poems out of your dreams which is pretty neat.

Happy Father's Day to all those that r a dad n not just a name.

Happy Sunday Crew,

Hope you guys are all doing well and Angel!! congrats! I never had any doubt.

Cuz! How is D and family doing?

Cattail! good writing advice. Nice Poem.

It took me all of 5 minutes to grind out the surface of the deck around the hatch. What a great thing having the right tool is. WooHoo. Epoxy on Monday under adult supervision. The entire yard helps. They stand there on their breaks and yell at me until I do it right. I am one lucky so and so to have that AND you guys too.

PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people develop after seeing or living through an event that caused or threatened serious harm or death. Symptoms include flashbacks or bad dreams, emotional numbness, intense guilt or worry, angry outbursts, feeling “on edge,” or avoiding thoughts and situations that remind them of the trauma. In PTSD, these symptoms last at least one month.

Think that's from Wikipedia but don't remember.

PTSD: It's not just for vets anymore. The Marines have actually acknowledged PTSD in other areas and offer counseling. I figure they should know.

What gave me PTSD was taking care of my mom by myself for waaaaay too long and the fact that it almost killed me no kidding. It's all in this thread. Perpetual crisis mode. I have been gratified by talking with vets who have it and we look at each other and realize that we have the same symptoms and our minds and bodies perceive that we are still in danger although we are not. Little stresses are too much and big stresses just make you numb and you check out.

There is a thing called 'Caregiver Syndrome' that is simply PTSD for caregivers but I would prefer, for the sake of all caregivers, that we call it what it is. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The reasoning behind this is that there is a support system already in place for PTSD and not for 'caregiver syndrome'. I'm sure that in the years to come there will be but there isn't now. There was no support at all when I started and I only found this website months before my mom died. I operated for over 5 years in a vacuum not knowing that what I was doing was insane. I came very close to suicide because I couldn't see a way out and thought that I was dying anyway.

Because some want PTSD to be the private domain of the military there are many who are going untreated and unrecognized which is very short sighted.

It's all here in the thread. I addressed different things I experienced here because I figured that I wasn't the only one and had I known then what I have learned since there is no way it would have taken the toll on me that it did.

And ladee is dead balls on: The boat is my therapy. Good to see you ladee and thanks.

I generally don't do well with 'therapy' or a 'counselor' but do better just spending time with others who are experiencing the same as me and together that is a strong combo. Look at this thread and what it and the other threads on this website have been able to accomplish as far as helping caregivers. Huge.

Thanks you guys for thinking of me and throwing out some life lines. This is just another example of why a support group like this can trump a therapist for me. Not for everybody but for me personally.

One thing I'm not going to do is get in the water where this boat is docked! Working boatyard. ewww. I go to the beach now and again and do other things than work on a boat but mostly work on a boat haha.
Also, if I am on land too long I get 'land sick'. I will look at you and want to know if the WalMart is moving.
I'm getting better bit by bit and at least I know that it will pass and I just try to not succumb to the black hole. Some of you may end up experiencing this or because of the site and the connections you have made here may not have to. That is my fervent desire.

Love all you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob

Hey Bobbie: As long as you have people you can truly share with, that's what's important. I'm glad to know you have that; actual people who share your very real and painful symptoms. When you said previously that you are the caretaker of a boat, I felt immediately that the boat was your caretaker too. As you said, it's your therapy.

Thanks for sharing you life with us. It's very supportive and instructive to all of us on this thread. Love and Hugs, Cattails

Thank you Cattails and everyone for all you do.
lovbob

Thanks for explaining PTSD, I've been worried that I'll end up with it by the time my Mom passes. It's been such a long (7 yrs now ) time living this "half life". Putting most things "on hold" but time has moved on without me. I have tried talking to a counselor a couple of times in the past, but felt that she gave me some bad advice, and I should have listened to my oun intuition.
I'm waiting for my last renter's son to come and pick up her things, she moved out last month and left no way to get in touch with her.
Cattails, I like the idea of just writing and see what comes up.
Have a good Sunday all. ssk

Cattails, your poem was amazing. OK, a bit Edgar Allen Poe, but Amazing. You should write more. Well, when you get the time, that is. I know right now your life is on hold, taking care of your Dad. I never thought about PTSD for myself, but as short as my care giving stint was, it has still taken me 6 months to feel half way normal again. Bobbi has her boat, and I have horses. My 12 year old gelding has always been standoffish. Great to ride, but not much for being petted. I delivered him, and have handled him since he was born. I have tried everything to get him more touchy feely. Since Sam died, he acts different. Now he comes and begs to get his ears scratched. follows me around. Maybe it is Omaha, the rescue horse being a good influence, but I think animals are sensitive to our needs as well.
I'm so fortunate to have found this group,. and I have my sister, have I ever told you guys we are identical twins? And, then there is Indio. He brought ribs out to cook on the grill yesterday. He is also trying to teach me how to shoot . He bought a pellet gun, just to teach me with. I managed to hit the target twice yesterday. Which would make my grade about 20 percent. Not as good as Angel for sure.
Well, had better get busy, going to fry catfish for StepDad, for fathers day. I can at least fry catfish.

Bobbie, so glad you have the boat to keep you busy. Been taking care of mom for 30 years since dad passed and am always going in 20 different directions. Having come from a large family and always being in the middle of all the good and bad times, I'm pretty sure I will land on my feet when Mom is gone. Meme, Mom';s mom. always called me the "happy go lucky one". I do fall into the black hole occasionally and even get depressed. But I'm also blessed with the ability to see the bright side of most situations and to be happy with what I have. Not so for many in my family. Lots of manic depression and anxiety and even paranoia. I got the health problems, but most of my sibs got the head related issues. Let me just say I will gladly take the health issues!!! All I can say is laugh as much as you can. It's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Thanks for the update on Ted. Does he talk about his caregiving site? Looks like he abandoned it. Too bad! Those people who joined seemed to really need him. Will he get back into it? I hope so!
Angel, Congratulations on a job well done! I sure could use some of that Reflexology. Have a book on it and it sounds wonderful!
Meanwhile, sounds like you are feeling better today. Always wanted to try fried catfish! being here in Mass and so close to seafood, I love most kinds of ocean fish. You are lucky to have your horses. Like all animals, they sense when we need them most. My 4 cats don't leave my side when I'm in bed sick!
Diane, If Mom keep falling, tell her she will have to be in a wheelchair at all times, to keep safe if she does not behave. If her dementia has worsened, there isn't anything you can tell her that will actually be comprehended and remembered
and the wheelchair will be her permanent seat.
ooh! Having am hard time typing. My RLS is making me crazy right now@@@ Legs won't stop moving!!!!!!
Cattails, Thanks for the offer! As for dreams, my sleep habits are so bad now, that I have crazy dreams all the time. I wake up all the time asking myself "what the "f" was that all about!!! Crazy stuff floats around in this crazy head!!!
Okay, can't sit still anymore!!!
Talk to you tomorrow!

Cattails, I loved how you explained how to actually write out feelings. And thanks for sharing your poem as well!

Good morning all! Been in a bit of a dark hole...no commenting-but have been reading! Thanks for being here!
Cuz, so sorry abou your sister's husband. And I am praying and sending positive thoughts to your sister for her recovery! Physical and mental.
Diane, the evil Mame came out when I read that your mom fell twice while your brother was there. I wanted you to pitch a fit and blame him for her falls...but I know it wouldn't do any good. But I do hope he sees how easy it is for her to fall and that it will take some of that vileness away that he has about things "you do to" your mom. They just don't have a clue.
Cattails-I have heard a sadness in your posts. I hope you are doing ok. Love all you have to say.
Bobbie-wow-so sorry for what you are going through. And thank you for this thread! I was hoping when mom is gone that it would all be over. But when I read the words you wrote (about PTSD) -Perpetual crisis mode-that sure hit home! For 8 years that is the mode I have been in. No one in my family gets it. My kids were both home when my oldest bro was here last with mom...and he was amazed that while they were playing video games-loudly-that all of a sudden they stopped and said "Nana is calling Uncle Rob". He said "Wow, they are really in tune with her". Yea, 8 years of hearing her call-you can hear her over any noise-a small cough from her wakes you from a dead sleep... They don't realize. And now I realize my kids have been under a kind of stress all these years too. :( Anyway, that sure hit home with me. I am sorry for all you are going through but it does sound like you are making some good choices! Staying on this site, advocating for all of us...talking with others who have PTSD. And your boat. Hang in there Bobbie! We love you too!
Jen, I hope Father's Day wasn't too much for you with old FP. And I hope your mom feels better.
Hello to everyone else here. Sorry if I don't mention you each. Sometimes, that is why I don't write at all. I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel left out! So, please forgive me! I am not good at this yet. Many of you are great at it! I am trying!
I am just feeling sorry for myself this past week. Mom is great health wise for her. I should be happy. I think it is the weather. It is sooo nice and I just want to jump in the car and go somewhere and I can't. I drowned my sorrows this weekend in alcohol and this morning am determined to be more positive and try and get little things done so I can feel a sense of accomplishment. Mom goes to the day care tomorrow! The day care is related to the Hospice house my cousin is at so I am going to wheel mom over to see her. I think that will make them both happy. The hospice house is beautiful and my cousin has all her plants on shepherds hooks outside her window along with a couple birdfeeders. She loves the birds! She is getting weaker and sleeps a lot but her spirits are good and she is always happy when she has visitors. Not sure how long she has and I hope she doesn't suffer. Anyway, it is the start of another week. My expectations are low so that is good. If anyone calls or pops in-it will be a wonderful unexpected surprise. And if no one calls or pops in, I won't be disappointed. Lonliness is a terrible thing isn't it? Mame

I dream of just sailing away from everything. Sailing to the Florida Keys...I'm located near Galveston Texas, and then on to The Bahamas. I would have a large schooner and take everyone that needs a fun and relaxing get away on the water.

Love to be dropped off in the Bahamas myself. Washington State here....

ill go too . bahamas or bust !

Packing.....

OH, don't leave without me! Turning to jerky in the Arizona desert. Need some ocean and some company. I'll bring the Bain de Soleil and gin and tonic. We can pick up some limes in the Keys. It'll be awesome.

I'll go shopping, veggies,fruits, cheeses, sandwich makings, cookies, BOOZE....anyone can add to the list of goodies we need to take. I'm a pretty cook cook, so I'll plan easy menus, and you guys give me your input and we'll git it done :-)

It's a huge boat, so no way I'll anyone behind.