Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Well, speaking of my Dad doing nice things - They were out someplace while I was typing my last post and they came home just as I posted my comment. My Dad walked back to my room and gave me a brand new ice tea maker, and a little sign with a decorative shovel, the sign said Flowers are like chips - you can't have just one. That is just so nice. Then he told me that he was the one that threw out the flowers. So now I feel like a total idiot, because I bitched about it. He said he'd buy me some more.
THEN My Mom started up. Yesterday she had a fit because she could not find her hair brush (she's been using the same brush for as long as I can remember, seriously, it's from Fuller Brush) anyway, I went into the BR, cleaned off the sink and then turned around opened the closet door, and on the top shelf was her brush. Today, it's gone again, and she is accusing me of taking it as usual.I ignored her. I'm not going to get upset about things like this, it is part of her disease process. It will turn up again someplace.
Anyway, I feel a little better now, and now I'm going to re-pot some orchids.
Mame, that must had been awesome to see him live performing. 72 degree, I am so jealouse, sitting here n already 95! Hot, hot, hot.
Jsomebody, I actually use the water hose n just soaked the crap out of my hair n head for it was soooooooooo freaking hot. Sorry your r having such a hard time n try to remember grandfather is not in his right mind or maybe he is just a old farty pant perv. On the otherhand, I bet the water felt great in the sprinkler. I hope it made you feel like a little kid at least for just for a while or at least a mind break for you. Breathe n smell the fresh air outside. ; ) Cattail, all I can say is, "u little devil you." I hope everyone tries to stay as cool as possible during this hot weather n it is not even August.
Ya know, It doesn't even get me any more...It just doesn't...
And I understand why she says it...
But how does she KNOW what any of our parents (grandparent) went through with us, or did for us or to us or didn't. It is a knee jerk reaction, she sees herself there, having her butt wiped and feels it would somehow be worse if the person doing it,wasn't enjoying themselves.
For those happy to repay a loving "debt" to a loving parent, peace. For those just slogging through it to do it, the same peace....There is a lot in life we have to do or choose to do that isn't necessarily what we want to do....What the hell does it matter. You have to make your choices and try to live with them.
Me, I hate my perverted grandfather, and yes he was sicko before, he isn't "out of it" but I do what I have to in my situation. if I am ashamed of anything, I am ashamed I am not strong enough to tell him he is a fucking pervert and to leave me alone. And my mother, would blame me, too much back story here but thank you for the anger support, it means a lot to me...
Ya, I know, Jen... I shouldn't have let her bother me either, but man, I was so irritated. I'm having one of those generally pissed off and depressed days today and that "shame on you" crap just put me over the edge. UGH!!! Loved Bobbie's comment about sawing and getting reaped. Holy crap. Too funny.
Cat, I've been trying to remember to call the geriatric psychiatrist each day to ask about the Paxil since you mentioned it. I had researched online about anxiety and dementia and it too recommended Paxil. It's reassuring to know Deef's mom had better results with it too.
Nolansk, you are overwhelmed dear! I know everyone says that it's the dementia making our parents like they are, but it sure feels like they are yanking our chains most of the time. If there is any way you can get a break, try take it. Do something nice for yourself where mom can't suck the joy out.
I'm cheating tonight and ordering dinner. Let me go pick it up and get all of us fed.
Totally Judy...from an venting cousin to fart pants playing the HAWAIIAN RECORD AGAIN to my brothers ancient seamen stains on the ceiling, showing through the PAINT after thirty years!!!! Yes, I now sleep in the spot he molested me decades ago...I now understand why people want NEW houses to move into...I just broke my last pair of flip flops, I admit they lasted a whole year, the matching pair lasted three....But today really was a suck burger deluxe for me....Hoping something better next week. or well at least it won't be THIS week again right?...or is it now that I think of it? These weeks just spin buy, nothing ever changes but it feels more onerous it weighs down on you more... Yes, I feel so ashamed of my self..NOT!
OMG. Cricket.... I just laughed so hard that I cried. No kidding. My two oldest boys had to see what was so funny and they thought it was a riot too. I'm still laughing. Thank you. Whew. I needed that. xxoo
Diane: You sound so good. The advise you gave to Sue, the ordering dinner tonight. You sound like a completely different person from 6 months ago. I will say a prayer of thanks for your progress tonight. You are a precious person, Diane. I wish you so much love and happiness.
Cricket: You are an artist at heart. We so appreciate your gift.
judy ! u go girl !!! jen you said it all ! right on the good ones ad the bad ones , easy ones , hard one , damn it all . im not no martha stewert ither , caring4life - good for you that youre enjoying the caregivin 4 life . after pa died i tld myself i will not be a caregiver anymore , its too heart breakin for me . break my back too . tear up all my muscles yes sure i ask for it cuz i love my pa and he raised me well . of course ill get fussy wuzzy and i tell u its not no running in the fields of sunflowers either .
i had to grin and giggle when i saw this SHAME ON YOU SHAME ON YOU woooo hooo lalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa. love ya !! xoxo
Hi Judy, Enjoy it while you can because it probably won't be up long.
I've had a rough week and just logged in tonight to read posts to catch up here on the thread and saw that ruthless judgmental comment and the first picture that came to my mind was one of those overly self righteous fanatic type persons and I knew it was time for a truck. It makes me wonder how caring can a person be in reality when they are so quick to judge and blame others when they don't even have a clue. If that person would have taken the time to read the posts here she would have seen that this thread is one where people can vent without judgment. Blah blah blah..... it's not the first time nor the last that a thoughtless person drops by to drop a judgmental bomb on us.
Diane, Hang in there because it looks like things are going to turn around in your favor.... try to avoid the brother and other sibs if you can and just get it done with you and your Moms interests as the priority. The sibs aren't putting your Mother first in their lives like you have and continue to do, so don't stress about them if you don't have to.
Angelhair, I meant to congratulate you on your grades for MT and somehow Lildeb is what I typed.
I love this quote and want to share it with you all..
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Hang in there everyone! *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Caring this is not the site for you-you have no clue what we do or have done on a daily basies-you have no compassion and I feel sorry for your charges if you are a caregiver hands on-on this site we help each other and are supportive to each other hhow dare you judge us you do not have the right to say shame on us-you have not walked a mile in our shoes-thank God you are not a friend of mine-this thread has been going on for over two years and we do not need self rightous people like you judgeing us-our jobs are so hard and we do not need the likes of you critizing us-you are not the first idiot to tell us how to live and you won't be the last but I hoe we have seen the last of you-shame on you for judging us-unless you have read from the first posting up until now you do not have the right to make such stupid commets-do us a favor and never come bck here -we do not need the likes of you.
Ms. JudymW, I was not trying to make anyone upset and I apologize to you and anyone else if they felt that way. But yes, I do all of the above. I change diapers and clean poo off of whatever it gets on and so forth. I have been doing it for a very long time. Everything that I am doing is most of the things my parents did for me when I was growing up. Now the time has come when we change places. I'm not judging anyone. I just know that real Christians don't talk down or say bad things about their parents to anyone. I know that caring for someone can be hard and frastrating. But the more we down the situation even though we feel that we are releaseing things to others. When other hurray us, it really can make things a lot worst. And we start to feel depressed and stressed out and angry for whats going on in our life. Why am I the one who has to do everything. Why don’t I have any help. We are the ones that have been chosen to do everything, because we can handle it. I hope that you and your family and every caregiver on this site have a blessed day.
Caring, The worst comments on this thread and this site have been posted by those who claim to be 'real' Christians. Please don't say you're not judging because you are. We can't help it if you can't see it, but then again that's another annoying trait of a 'real' christian. Some of the worst examples of mankind are those who are 'real' christians.
And af far as being 'chosen to do everything because we an handle it.... ' What a crock. If you take the time to read some of these backstories you will see that many are not handling it. It is too much and it is killing us.
Depressed and angry? When I went to a doctor to get help because I was depressed he said: What do you expect? Look at the situation you are in. Jesus Christ would be depressed.
That old cliche about god not ever giving someone more than they can handle is pure bullshit. If that were true there would be no suicide.
Let's agree to disagree and I will put it to you once: If you would like to join us you are welcome to but in no way will we put up with your hypocrisy.
Captain Bobbie you rock girlfriend -one one picks on me and my real friends that I have met over the last 4 years here when I was so down I could hardly get out of bed in the morning-it is 3 years this week he died and the bush I gave the church started blooming just at that time. I thank God for all of your great people. Maxine
Real Chrisitians who post on this whole sight, well that would be US..... honest, compassionate, long suffering... understanding of each others situations....we don't shame each other, we don't presume to know all the answers, and we have a sense of humor..... sorry you live in a 'one size fits all' world, you are missing out on some great friendships, laughter, oppurtinites to give support and many times to be in prayer for others..... Real Chrisitians would not presume to think they know what is right for anyone else..... one more time, a Real Chrisitian has set us on fire.... but in the end, the Real Christians end up like Daniel in a den of Lions,,,,,, but the outcome is different, ya'll just dissappear... which is a good thing for the rest of us Heathens as we already have enough to deal with.... I'll pray for YOU Caring, that you have a more open mind to the suffering of others... and I am not talking about our elders....I'm talking about US...... Prayers for you......
So, yesterday morning mom wakes up and tells me she had a dream that Jane died. In her dream she went to the funeral and she talked to so many people-and named several! I sat beside her on the bed and just shook my head. She even knew they buried her in a different city! I said-"well mom, that was not a dream..." She just said "oh". Then she says to me. "I want breakfast. I am starving! Ya know, they don't feed you in this place" My eyebrows go up and I look at her and she leans her shoulder into my shoulder and is laughing!!! I swear-I never know when she is out of it-or kidding me!!!! Yes, I love her sense of humor and thank God for it!!! Bobbie-I had a counselor who said something similar about being depressed but I like what your doc said better! And we know from the bible that even Jesus didn't want to be beaten and die on the cross and even asked God to take it away! He was venting right?! Cricket-love the truck!!! Linda-I am with you-I won't be doing this again! One of my unmarried brothers made a joke about living with me and having me care for him when the time comes and I was like-NO WAY! Love ya-but! The toll the stress of caregiving has taken on me will have me in a NH at an early age. And NO-I will not let my kids take me into their home even if they (think they) want to! JSomebody- My heart aches for you and I hope you can get away from that house and FP soooon!!!! You deserve better! Austin-so happy the bush is blooming! I think it was you who asked-I am just west of Syracuse. I too love CNY! Hubby wants to move to FL someday...humidity-ick! Well, we have that here too but I think it is worse there. I will live in air conditioning I suspect! Gonna be in the 80's here today. Better than the 90's or above! Keep cool everybody! Run in the sprinkler like you were a 6 year old again!!!! =) Mame
Caring4Life - you know nothing of the real world. Honor? Where was the honor when I was sexually abused parent? I still have memory of nighttime in bed and seeing parent standing by the door. I remember the fear and prayed so hard not to move and to pretend to be asleep. I was 4 years old! In elementary age, I prayed to God constantly on Why He Made me be born! I have 7 sisters and brothers. We grew up with only verbal, physical and sexual abuse, no love, no encouragement - just fear. Of all 8 kids, I stayed home to help the parents. I have put up these past 23 years of BS from parent. I am here taking care of Both Bedridden Parents. And I Have The Right to Speak up of the abuse I and my siblings endured in their hands. Get real!! Do they show appreciation? Hell NO! I get punched. I'm told it's easy to kill me by kicking my throat while I'm changing his pants. He constantly tells me that I'm a bad daughter. Hello?! I'm the only one here for them! Bad Daughter, MY FOOT!!
Deep breath. Exhale. That's all I'm saying on the subject. And here I was thinking Not to write anything tonight.
Ladee: On the money. bookworm: you could teach us all. Austin!! you know I love you girl. Judy! They come and go, the righteous ones and what we know they will learn. Everybody! Happy Friday. Jen! I empower you to go into FartPant's room when he is not there and take the music out that is driving you insane. When the finger pointing starts blame the neighbors.
and that star that caring got was from me...... I wanted her to feel a little love and you guys know me well enough to know that I am serious. Hand out the love. lovbob already blessed, thanks. Got an amazing group of friends.
I'm sorry all. Certain things trigger my terrible temper. All these years while I stayed home to help care for mom, my dad would tell Everyone that I'm a bad daughter. I've had people come up to me and Tell me that I need to do more. My brother had people come up to him and said the same thing about me! All my dad's siblings had the nerve to tell me that I needed to do more. Why just me?! My parents had 7 other children but I seem to be the one that Everyone lectured. So, when Caring4Life said that, I just lost my temper. I'm so sorry for losing it. I rarely lose my temper unless pushed too far. I'm being so "unchristian-like." Please God, forgive us for our temper and harsh words. It's either that, or we hurt the ones were caring for ...or we hurt ourself...
I lost my temper too and I'm not apologizing for it... when confronted with a self righteous Christian I become righteously angry. But that doesn't mean I can't rise above it and show love to the Christian, I can. However I will not tolerate self-righteous comments.
Bobbie I'm glad you and the boat weathered the storm! We would all be devastated if anything happened to you!
Mame, I love your spirit for life!
I have lots to do so need to get off the computer and get busy. Love you all. *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Usually they don't come back, just drive bys. 4L was serious and of the Honor thy Father and Thy mother type. I wrote in my journal about it, " yes honor they mother and they father no matter what they do to you." Very original, but then I am not a Christian. Resent the assumption I am. SO I can't come on the "we're all Christian argument..." You guys will have to deal if she returns. Know what you mean but not wanting to spread the anger bobbie and can really understand why bookworm feels the hurt. Been there live that. Caring for parents or loved ones who DID NOT care for you is another issue entirely well almost entirely. You guys may end up with an impasse or a circular argument there. You can turn the other cheek if it helps, just assume we all have our "crosses to bare" and are doing "the best we can with what we have been given" and so forth. "No more than we can handle"? Ah the suicides and mental hospitals do not exist....
Anyhow adult day health here, a few hours of release from his very being, and it is a God Send for mom and me.....Just the change in the negativity and stress levels IN the house is palpable for a few hours....
Ultimately, if you don't approve of the people ON the Blog you should maybe find one you do approve of. Lots here at Aging Care. We are the Grossed Thread and we like it that way. Check the dates, we were here before you got here, we'll be here when you've moved on...Our blog is for venting and encouraging each other in situations that need all the encouragement and venting we can get! If you "glory in the poop" (actual line from past attacker) and feel lucky to be able to help your loved one, honored to do it, good for you. We don't ALL feel that way and some of us just not ALL the time. Please consider your "Non-judgmental judgements" have hurt some people here and the response you get is the response you get."
My dear friend you are REAL!!!! I think our most recent AJ is in denial of what her life really is like. You guys have been my LIFESAVER!!!! No apologies needed from anyone who feels they were wrong in losing their temper. VENT AWAY!!!!
Its 109 degrees here today. I lived in Florida the first 35 years of my life and we never got this hot. SC is baking today!
My brother took mom to the podiatrist today and it evidently pushed him over the edge. I was at work and got a text saying it was the day from hell and he couldn't do this any longer. The Evil Flex is snickering while the logical Flex is saying Oh Shit! There is no point getting angry or frustrated with my brother. It is what it is. All I can hope is that maybe he will have a better understanding of the situation.
Cat, thanks for your comment. I think my meds are finally reaching a theraputic level and I feel more able to cope with the family and the caregiving crap. I am sleeping more sound when I do get to sleep and I've been more more patient with mom. I'm still struggling with concentration, but that is improving daily too. I still worry about my situation, but I don't feel as threatened as I did. I know I have a lot of people in my corner (outside of family) that support me. And I have to be very greatful for my boyfriend. He has stood by me through all this crap and helps me every day.
I am sure by Sunday I will be about ready to lose my mind from dealing with mom all weekend, but right now life is ok. Thank you all for being here for me and each other.
Some people who "care for life" in general don't seem to care much about the specific human being who is enduring a particular life. But people who are comfortable with themselves and their own choices have no need to shame others.
Wow!!! Take a day off and all hell breaks loose!!! Caring, Sorry you got slammed for your opinion, but I guess you could tell by all the responses to your comment that you might try to understand others' point of view on the subject. I was raised by loving parents and treated with respect by both, unlike many of the care givers I have come to know on this sight. I can't even begin to imagine caring for someone who treated me like sh!t my entire life. It has nothing to do with being "Christian". It's called being a good person, period!!! I have many bad days with mom and neither God or anyone else can make me feel differently. many of us have dire $$ problems and are in fear of losing our homes. Our parents had no $$ to help us care for them, and we had to leave our jobs long ago. We have no help from family or friends and we can't remember the last time we actually had one night off, never mind a week or two. I don't know what your particular situation is, or if you have any of theses issues. I'm impressed that you feel so strongly about your parents and are able to keep smiling through it all. Are you on meds to help you cope? Do you have help? How about $$ problems? All I can say is, if you can have so much compassion for your parents and the elderly, maybe you should work on your compassion towards care givers just like you. Forget the "Christian" part and concentrate on being a good person and learn to tolerate the way others cope with being a care giver. It's always good to vent about things that make us crazy. It's a good defense mechanism to help us cope with the daily grind.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
THEN My Mom started up. Yesterday she had a fit because she could not find her hair brush (she's been using the same brush for as long as I can remember, seriously, it's from Fuller Brush) anyway, I went into the BR, cleaned off the sink and then turned around opened the closet door, and on the top shelf was her brush. Today, it's gone again, and she is accusing me of taking it as usual.I ignored her. I'm not going to get upset about things like this, it is part of her disease process. It will turn up again someplace.
Anyway, I feel a little better now, and now I'm going to re-pot some orchids.
Be Well All - Sue
I guess it was the way I was bending over while sawing.
Love you Sue, stay as strong as you can. I don't know how you do it with both parents. We are here. Vent and Live!
Caring4... Don't be a Hater. You're clueless.
lovbob
Mame, that must had been awesome to see him live performing. 72 degree, I am so jealouse, sitting here n already 95! Hot, hot, hot.
Jsomebody, I actually use the water hose n just soaked the crap out of my hair n head for it was soooooooooo freaking hot. Sorry your r having such a hard time n try to remember grandfather is not in his right mind or maybe he is just a old farty pant perv. On the otherhand, I bet the water felt great in the sprinkler. I hope it made you feel like a little kid at least for just for a while or at least a mind break for you. Breathe n smell the fresh air outside. ; )
Cattail, all I can say is, "u little devil you."
I hope everyone tries to stay as cool as possible during this hot weather n it is not even August.
Ya know, It doesn't even get me any more...It just doesn't...
And I understand why she says it...
But how does she KNOW what any of our parents (grandparent) went through with us, or did for us or to us or didn't. It is a knee jerk reaction, she sees herself there, having her butt wiped and feels it would somehow be worse if the person doing it,wasn't enjoying themselves.
For those happy to repay a loving "debt" to a loving parent, peace. For those just slogging through it to do it, the same peace....There is a lot in life we have to do or choose to do that isn't necessarily what we want to do....What the hell does it matter. You have to make your choices and try to live with them.
Me, I hate my perverted grandfather, and yes he was sicko before, he isn't "out of it" but I do what I have to in my situation. if I am ashamed of anything, I am ashamed I am not strong enough to tell him he is a fucking pervert and to leave me alone. And my mother, would blame me, too much back story here but thank you for the anger support, it means a lot to me...
Shame on me? oh puhlease lady, LIVE THIS!
Cat, I've been trying to remember to call the geriatric psychiatrist each day to ask about the Paxil since you mentioned it. I had researched online about anxiety and dementia and it too recommended Paxil. It's reassuring to know Deef's mom had better results with it too.
Nolansk, you are overwhelmed dear! I know everyone says that it's the dementia making our parents like they are, but it sure feels like they are yanking our chains most of the time. If there is any way you can get a break, try take it. Do something nice for yourself where mom can't suck the joy out.
I'm cheating tonight and ordering dinner. Let me go pick it up and get all of us fed.
Have a good night dear friends!
Yes, I feel so ashamed of my self..NOT!
YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY THE
______________¶___
| STFU TRUCK l “”|””\__,_
|_____________|||__|__|__|]
(@)@)*********(@)(@)**(@)
Cricket: You are an artist at heart. We so appreciate your gift.
Love to all,
Cattails
jen you said it all ! right on the good ones ad the bad ones , easy ones , hard one , damn it all . im not no martha stewert ither ,
caring4life - good for you that youre enjoying the caregivin 4 life . after pa died i tld myself i will not be a caregiver anymore , its too heart breakin for me . break my back too . tear up all my muscles
yes sure i ask for it cuz i love my pa and he raised me well . of course ill get fussy wuzzy and i tell u its not no running in the fields of sunflowers either .
i had to grin and giggle when i saw this SHAME ON YOU SHAME ON YOU woooo hooo lalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa.
love ya !! xoxo
I've had a rough week and just logged in tonight to read posts to catch up here on the thread and saw that ruthless judgmental comment and the first picture that came to my mind was one of those overly self righteous fanatic type persons and I knew it was time for a truck. It makes me wonder how caring can a person be in reality when they are so quick to judge and blame others when they don't even have a clue. If that person would have taken the time to read the posts here she would have seen that this thread is one where people can vent without judgment. Blah blah blah..... it's not the first time nor the last that a thoughtless person drops by to drop a judgmental bomb on us.
Diane, Hang in there because it looks like things are going to turn around in your favor.... try to avoid the brother and other sibs if you can and just get it done with you and your Moms interests as the priority. The sibs aren't putting your Mother first in their lives like you have and continue to do, so don't stress about them if you don't have to.
Angelhair, I meant to congratulate you on your grades for MT and somehow Lildeb is what I typed.
I love this quote and want to share it with you all..
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a
fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will
live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
- Albert Einstein
Hang in there everyone!
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
The worst comments on this thread and this site have been posted by those who claim to be 'real' Christians.
Please don't say you're not judging because you are. We can't help it if you can't see it, but then again that's another annoying trait of a 'real' christian.
Some of the worst examples of mankind are those who are 'real' christians.
And af far as being 'chosen to do everything because we an handle it.... '
What a crock. If you take the time to read some of these backstories you will see that many are not handling it. It is too much and it is killing us.
Depressed and angry? When I went to a doctor to get help because I was depressed he said: What do you expect? Look at the situation you are in. Jesus Christ would be depressed.
That old cliche about god not ever giving someone more than they can handle is pure bullshit. If that were true there would be no suicide.
Let's agree to disagree and I will put it to you once: If you would like to join us you are welcome to but in no way will we put up with your hypocrisy.
Bless this.
lovbob
Bobbie-I had a counselor who said something similar about being depressed but I like what your doc said better! And we know from the bible that even Jesus didn't want to be beaten and die on the cross and even asked God to take it away! He was venting right?! Cricket-love the truck!!!
Linda-I am with you-I won't be doing this again! One of my unmarried brothers made a joke about living with me and having me care for him when the time comes and I was like-NO WAY! Love ya-but! The toll the stress of caregiving has taken on me will have me in a NH at an early age. And NO-I will not let my kids take me into their home even if they (think they) want to!
JSomebody- My heart aches for you and I hope you can get away from that house and FP soooon!!!! You deserve better!
Austin-so happy the bush is blooming! I think it was you who asked-I am just west of Syracuse. I too love CNY! Hubby wants to move to FL someday...humidity-ick! Well, we have that here too but I think it is worse there. I will live in air conditioning I suspect!
Gonna be in the 80's here today. Better than the 90's or above! Keep cool everybody! Run in the sprinkler like you were a 6 year old again!!!! =) Mame
Deep breath. Exhale. That's all I'm saying on the subject. And here I was thinking Not to write anything tonight.
Ladee: On the money.
bookworm: you could teach us all.
Austin!! you know I love you girl.
Judy! They come and go, the righteous ones and what we know they will learn.
Everybody! Happy Friday.
Jen! I empower you to go into FartPant's room when he is not there and take the music out that is driving you insane. When the finger pointing starts blame the neighbors.
lovbob
lovbob
already blessed, thanks. Got an amazing group of friends.
Love you all, Kuli
Bobbie I'm glad you and the boat weathered the storm! We would all be devastated if anything happened to you!
Mame, I love your spirit for life!
I have lots to do so need to get off the computer and get busy. Love you all.
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Know what you mean but not wanting to spread the anger bobbie and can really understand why bookworm feels the hurt. Been there live that. Caring for parents or loved ones who DID NOT care for you is another issue entirely well almost entirely. You guys may end up with an impasse or a circular argument there. You can turn the other cheek if it helps, just assume we all have our "crosses to bare" and are doing "the best we can with what we have been given" and so forth.
"No more than we can handle"?
Ah the suicides and mental hospitals do not exist....
Anyhow adult day health here, a few hours of release from his very being, and it is a God Send for mom and me.....Just the change in the negativity and stress levels IN the house is palpable for a few hours....
Ultimately, if you don't approve of the people ON the Blog you should maybe find one you do approve of. Lots here at Aging Care. We are the Grossed Thread and we like it that way. Check the dates, we were here before you got here, we'll be here when you've moved on...Our blog is for venting and encouraging each other in situations that need all the encouragement and venting we can get! If you "glory in the poop" (actual line from past attacker) and feel lucky to be able to help your loved one, honored to do it, good for you. We don't ALL feel that way and some of us just not ALL the time. Please consider your "Non-judgmental judgements" have hurt some people here and the response you get is the response you get."
My dear friend you are REAL!!!! I think our most recent AJ is in denial of what her life really is like. You guys have been my LIFESAVER!!!! No apologies needed from anyone who feels they were wrong in losing their temper. VENT AWAY!!!!
Its 109 degrees here today. I lived in Florida the first 35 years of my life and we never got this hot. SC is baking today!
My brother took mom to the podiatrist today and it evidently pushed him over the edge. I was at work and got a text saying it was the day from hell and he couldn't do this any longer. The Evil Flex is snickering while the logical Flex is saying Oh Shit! There is no point getting angry or frustrated with my brother. It is what it is. All I can hope is that maybe he will have a better understanding of the situation.
Cat, thanks for your comment. I think my meds are finally reaching a theraputic level and I feel more able to cope with the family and the caregiving crap. I am sleeping more sound when I do get to sleep and I've been more more patient with mom. I'm still struggling with concentration, but that is improving daily too. I still worry about my situation, but I don't feel as threatened as I did. I know I have a lot of people in my corner (outside of family) that support me. And I have to be very greatful for my boyfriend. He has stood by me through all this crap and helps me every day.
I am sure by Sunday I will be about ready to lose my mind from dealing with mom all weekend, but right now life is ok. Thank you all for being here for me and each other.
Love ya,
Diane
Cricket: What does the ST on STFU stand for?
Caring, Sorry you got slammed for your opinion, but I guess you could tell by all the responses to your comment that you might try to understand others' point of view on the subject.
I was raised by loving parents and treated with respect by both, unlike many of the care givers I have come to know on this sight. I can't even begin to imagine caring for someone who treated me like sh!t my entire life. It has nothing to do with being "Christian". It's called being a good person, period!!! I have many bad days with mom and neither God or anyone else can make me feel differently. many of us have dire $$ problems and are in fear of losing our homes. Our parents had no $$ to help us care for them, and we had to leave our jobs long ago. We have no help from family or friends and we can't remember the last time we actually had one night off, never mind a week or two.
I don't know what your particular situation is, or if you have any of theses issues. I'm impressed that you feel so strongly about your parents and are able to keep smiling through it all. Are you on meds to help you cope? Do you have help? How about $$ problems?
All I can say is, if you can have so much compassion for your parents and the elderly, maybe you should work on your compassion towards care givers just like you. Forget the "Christian" part and concentrate on being a good person and learn to tolerate the way others cope with being a care giver. It's always good to vent about things that make us crazy. It's a good defense mechanism to help us cope with the daily grind.