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Very well stated Bookworm. Welcome Kiki. Listen to these caregivers because they know the story and we all have walked the walk. That makes a world of difference when you're sifting through advice.
tbailey! ya, vent and live. You're doing an amazing job! Hope your husband has quit his bs.
Cattails! I cried my eyes out. That was so good.
Cuz! How is D? thanks as always for giving us jokes. You are an angel.
Flex! You have come so far and are doing so well. You know that feeling sad about what our parents have become is a part of the grieving process. We are constantly living in a state of grief. We grieve our lost lives while we grieve our parents and their challenges. We grieve constantly and that is why the depression rate for caregivers is so high.
Flex you are amazing. One foot in front of the other. Repeat.
Jen! Been following with great interest the paths that you are looking into to express yourself. Ya go for it big time. No one can tell you what to write you just do it and the words show up. There will be an audience for you and you will be so fulfilled that you actually may go a few hours without thinking about FP and the insanity in which you live. Have you Frisbeed the Hawaiian records yet? hahahahahaha Love you Jen.
Cricket! you are so sweet and I hope you guys have fun on your info quest. You have all my respect for doing that.
I hope that all are doing well and I am also worried about Deef! DEEF! Check in stuff and let us know...
Linda! love you sis.
JudymW! how's it going?
Was going to write more but they are pulling me out of the wet slip so I have to kill the power to the boat. More later and love you guys more than you know. lovbob
Bobbie: Judy went to PA for a week. She should be back any day. I'm missing her too. Deef was having some modem problems a while back. Hope that she is ok too.
Meanwhile: Thank you for your kind words. They meant a lot to me.
Diane: I completely understand how you feel and Cricket's answer was exactly what was in my heart.
Jen: Keep writing and pursuing your dream.
Baby Kildees hatched yesterday. Four perfect replicas of mom, fully feathered and all markings identical. Only about an inch high. They are out in the grass now with mom, eating away. The geese took their first short flight this morning around 6:30am. Not so good on the landings, (some here-some there) but parents gathered them all up and all is well.
For the past two days my dad has been experiencing more right side weakness. Yesterday I was wondering if he would even be with us much longer. He is better this morning, but I just have a feeling that something is coming. Of course, something is coming because we are placing him. Maybe the anxiety I feel is about the placement. Feeling very sad.
Cat, When I placed my mom in respite I was a wreck and that was only respite! Just remember to breathe. When I would get stressed I would quit breathing, literally. You love your Dad and it is so hard to see him helpless like this. My heart goes out to you because sooner or later here it comes and it's so hard.
I am so sorry that you are sad. And all of the caregivers and charges that are sad. Sux, but it just is. Still Sux.
You are right, it sux no matter what you do. I know I am doing the right thing for us, but I feel so selfish. Nevertheless, there is a voice inside me that says it is time. The feelings vs knowing is just hard to reconcile. Guess we just have to accept that the conflict is unavoidable.
Thanks for the support. Sending you lots of hugs, Cattails
Step Dad has been having leg cramps at night, his idiot Dr gave him a shot of Cortisone. Now his diabetes is out of control. Wonder how long it will take to get the cortisone out of his system. It didn't even help the leg cramps. Mom actually cooked Sunday dinner, and it wasn't too bad. Normally, she is a terrible cook, doesn't like to cook, so Sis, and I fix them meals from time to time. She actually. thanked us for that, and said she wanted to cook for us. At least I don't worry about eating at her house, she is still a clean freak. Sometimes she doesn't get stuff cooked all the way, but she did good on Sunday. Pork chops and sweet potatoes.
Bobbie: Diane had plates and screws put in her left arm and the just taped her pinky to the ring finger same arm. Swelling is way down but she has trouble bending fingers, has to help them bend. Her right hand is about back to normal. She moved back into her own house and has gone back to work. It will be a month the 11th already and she is staying real strong and is moving on already, which is good. Love ya Cuz ps. Ma is doing real good yet but slowing down
Morning all, Hi Kiki, welcome. I've enjoyed reading your posts. Jen, I loved your advice about running from the house naked and screaming! I can totally relate to that right now. Cattails, don't be beating yourself up over your decision..stand by yourself and know that even if your dad is in a NH you will be overseeing his care and stepping in when needed. Like Bobbie said..just breathe. Is the left side weakness a norm for your Dad? If you don't do it ask to get his blood pressure checked and make sure there are no new issues going on. Angels to you!
Diane check in with us.. (thinking about you) and you better check in soon or Cat will be coming for you with that 2X4! LOL
I've got lots to do today so I need to go. Everyone have a good day!
No need for the 2 x 4...lol It's only Tuesday and its already a crazy hectic week! Half our office is at a conference until Friday so the three of us left behind are working like crazy. Makes you truly appreciate your co-workers!
Mom actually did pretty good yesterday and so far today. I think she likes that I am coming home earlier to be with her. Really sucks financially, but she seems a little easier to handle. Maybe I'm the one that's delusional to think this...lol
Mom and I were talking yesterday at dinner and my b/f was so surprised to hear all the tings she used to do even just 6 years ago. He has only known my mom as an old woman that is unable to care for herself. He didn't get to know the dynamic woman she was. My mom used to be my best friend and we talked about everything. She might not have always agreed with everything I did, but she was always there. Mom used to sew, knit, crochet, quilt, garden, paint the house, mow the lawn, cook, clean, etc. She was a real dynamo!
Well the neurologist office called to say they can see mom on July 19th. I'm very happy to get that news since something has changed lately but I can't say what it is other than list her strange behavior. I was reading about stages on Alz.org and moms dementia fits into the severe cognative impairment stage. I took all the paperwork with me to work to copy t and submit to Medicaid but it was so darn busy I never got a chance to copy the stuff.
Well, I am going to try do some work at home while mom is being cooperative to sit in her recliner and relax. Cuz, good to hear your sister is picking up the pieces of her life. Have a good day all!
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room--- the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done When I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, They give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
This one had a picture of an old lady with a big gun but I couldn't post the picture sorry lov Cuz
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! And because of your age, you even get different living arrangements than the general population so you'll be safe. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home. Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore. Is this a great country or what?
Cuz, when I read that in my email just now I wondered if you were going to post it on the thread. Brilliant. I really appreciate this information because I have no long term care insurance and no kids and basically on my own and will be out of money so this really made my day to know that there just might be a place for me after all. I don't think I can do murder but if I pull some of the same tricks the banks pull on us (stealing money) I am sure I will get locked away forever. Glad to hear that Diane is on the mend. She certainly is a strong person to endure all of that and pick herself up and keep going. Please tell her I always remember her as my adorable little cousin. No kidding crew, she is precious and just as pretty as can be.
It is not yet dawn here on the river and it is beautiful.
Thanks for the nature updates from the Great Pacific Northwest and Florida and Upstate New York and I hope Linda is ok and everyone has survived and is surviving this amazing heat. It about kicked my butt yesterday and I was working in the shade. The yard's electrician came down the dock to work on another boat and took one look at me and told me to get inside and drink water. Bless his heart, he probably saved my bacon.
I think that I am going to rig a light and sleep in the day and work at night. It is stupid hot.
ok, I love you guys. Got to drink some coffee so I know which end is the pointy end. Vent and live! lovbob
Oh Cattails. I remember that day for me and like I said it was just respite! Oh poor girl.
Welcome home Judy and thanks for the post on my wall. Good luck with your mom's 'fang'. I feel for both of you as well.
Hell I feel for everybody!
I haven't been able to leave the boat but for a few minutes. I have rigged some emergency ac but it is brutal. I don't know how folks live without ac.
I hope you check in when you get home Cattails. I did when I put mom in and everyone was so good to me and it really helped. We'll be here checking so please let us know.
Hopeing all goes smooth with your Dad-it takes awhile for them to settle in-but all I times I was in NH's with the 16 rehab stays I never saw any resident who did not adjust well.
We got dad to settled this morning at the nursing home. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (our son’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, and we were able to secure it for dad.
My dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome; lots of hugs. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names. I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get one in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him
Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.
As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.
I’m taking him to his doc tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained so strength on the right side.
As I left the nursing home, I met up with Becky. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving the NH effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.
I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.
I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.
It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.
Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it.
I want to thank all of you for your prayer and kindness. I know placing a parent is a touchy subject, but I have truly felt your prayers and love. I can’t thank you enough
Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.
Now, I’m not saying Goodbye, ok. This is just the start of a new chapter. You suckers are stuck with me.
Diane, I have that 2x4, send me your sister’s address in Seattle.
Cattails, Had the same experience as you and many others when placing a parent or loved one in a NH. You KNOW it's the right thing and at times you feel selfish, but generally you come to realize it absolutely was the right thing to do. Adjustment takes some time and is different for everyone. Sounds like your father is still level headed. That's good. He sounds sweet. My dad has been in for 6 months and not adjusting. He fights with the nurses and the doctors, he's rude, argumentative,and just plain nasty. It is his dementia. Some people go happy crazy and some get mean crazy. I'd say the latter is what we got here. I don't want to continue on because i don't want to discourage you. My experience will not be your experience. Sounds like you have a lot of special equipment in place to make him comfortable as well. That's great and probably makes you feel better too.
Even though Dad's in a NH, I still do all the day to day care, errands, meds, appointments, groceries etc.. for my Mom down the road. And as you all know, it's not just the physical part, it's the mentally responsibility that I think is killing me the most. No sibling support, no phone calls, no offers for help in three years. I asked twice for help when I was breaking down and they both said no. One just lazy, the other wants their money. She actually got a lawyer because she thinks I'm spending my parents money. They have no money. So I had to get a lawyer and hand over all the bank statements, which was fine. I have nothing to hide. She can get 40 lawyers and she'll never find any impropriety. So that of course, made her even more mad!!! LOLOL that's what I say about that!
Cattails, I know I look like shit too. I do exercise but I've been sick so I'm trying to get back at starting today. I wish I could just run away. hang in there honey. it will get easier, I'm sure.
Cattails, congratulations on making that first step to getting your life under control. I don't really know why placing a parent is a touchy subject because each situation is different and those that oppose need to walk in the other guy's moccasins for a week to put it all into perspective.
You wrote a beautiful piece that describes your dad's first day and all that you are doing to make him comfortable and as healthy as possible in this new phase.
Cattails, you are a wonderful daughter and you have done and are doing a wonderful job. I am also very happy that we are, um , 'stuck with you'!
SelfishSib! You are another one that is doing an incredible job in the face of major adversity. You know your sibs are just worthless and you keep on keeping on.
Placement has a stigma that we should work to overcome. Not addressing the stigma forces caregivers into untenable positions and robs them of their health and sanity. This is not the taking care of grandma of years ago because of the advances in medicine. Now we keep the body going years and years after the poor mind has left and it's the loving child who takes on the caregiving when they have no clue of what's to come and how they are going to cope with it. And no one but another caregiver will tell them. We all have little parts of this process that we champion and I guess fighting for the caregiver to feel good about placement is mine. Doesn't mean it's for everybody but that's not the point. No one has the right to judge when a caregiver says enough but that caregiver.
Have a good day you guys. I am still heat sick. This is not working for me and I already had the boat before the first time I got heatsick so I am thinking about summers in Maine.... haha
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know. lovbob
Hey, Cat! I read your update on Lisa's thread. Sounds like the staff at the NH really tried to lessen the gut-wrenching factor for you. Some people are just gifts, aren't they? I hope your heart doesn't ache too much. I know it must, even though you know this was the right thing to do. You're in my thoughts, my friend. I took Mom (aka Fang) to the dentist yesterday. For 4 hours. Long story - won't get into the dental crap. She did manage to talk very loudly in the quiet waiting room about all sorts of embarrassing family stuff again though. I swear, she waits for the quiet places to bring up one of my brother's nasty divorces, or the schizophrenic nephew, or the time my cousin got drunk and his friends shaved his eyebrows off and homeless people stole his clothes and he had to walk home naked, or a horrible bout of gas, or a plane ride where she sat next to the smelly bathroom, or the way my dad digs his ears with a toothpick. JEEZ! And, then I can't shut her up. I'm not kidding. This is the crap she talks about. Even when I pretend to read my book. I tried to feel some compassion yesterday with her whole fang debacle, and even though my heart is 3 sizes too small, I think I managed it. I wish my ass could be 3 sizes smaller, but, eh, it is what it is. Bobbie... Maine sounds awesome... Boothbay Harbor... I'll meetcha!
Cattails thinking of you thoughts and prayers.... You are such a inspiration to me please dont go anywhere.. You have know clue how helpful you are to many but the day I found this site you were there & you have had to wake me up couple times Take care and you and your hubby take it easy for while keep us updated and help answer our needs here lol
Evening folks, My computer broke down and it looks like I missed a lot going on in here over the last couple of days.
Cat, it sounds like everything went really well with the NH. I'm glad you are feeling a little lighter.. so now it's on to the new phase of Caregiving for you. Take a deep breath and say "all is well". I'm really glad you are sticking around here! Like everyone has said...we need being stuck with you! LOL
To everyone else I think we should all make up a list of names for the little old lady "Cuz" mentioned with all the mean and nasty sibs names on it. j/k but evil Crickets not. lol
Bobbie, I'm with you about working at night... did your ac break down or what? Gawd..... I would die or lay around looking like I was dead without the AC. I am south of you but it's been hotter than hell here too.. we're getting the daily afternoon Thunderstorms that make the humidity go way up. I walk outside and it's like walking into a fully functioning hot steam room...you know the old kind where someone pours water on the hot rocks! When I open the door to go outside the lizards and snakes, yes I said snakes, are trying to run inside to get out of the heat. You need to stay in and stay cool as much as you can, and get that water cold and keep drinking it all day and night. If I wasn't home bound with Dad I would come up and help you, or at least kill over with you from the heat. XOXO!
Love you all, *´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Judy: Are you serious? I've not received an alert that I have a post from Sylvester 18. I am LMAO right now. LMAO, LMAO, LMAO. Oh, bless you for this diversion. It's been a crappy day.
Took my dad to his doc this morning. Geez, that was not easy and it took Warren and I to get him there. Dad was not happy. I could see he was sad and feeling confused, misplaced and all I could think of was how much better he would feel if I just took him home and got him in his recliner.
The recliner is now at the NH Had to wait today for the doc to get ORDERS that dad could have his high quality mattress, plus the flotation mattress topper. Hospice said I could use it for him at the NH. So now I can finally get it down to him. I was bummed out today for sure. Tomorrow will be better.
Judy, back to you and the freak. I'm on it. I checked the news feed today and Syl 18 was freaking out on somebody else.
Here's what irritates me. When I check my wall, all I see is what I posted to others, I guess I can go to Activity to see who posted on my wall. Mostly, I just get a notification if someone posts on my wall.
I haven't looked closely at my email alerts. I'll check Judy. Don't worry about him hurting me. He is a raving lunatic.
BTW, Judy, I just want to tell you how glad I am to have you back. Your explanation of Fang and your heart being 3 sizes to small made me laugh out loud. You are too funny and I am so glad to have you back.
To everyone on the thread, thank you so much for your kind words. Bobbie, could you really go to Maine for the summers? OMG, that would be so awesome. You need to get out of that heat. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!
I hate the heat and lived in it for 30 plus years. It was only when Fall came that I realized how miserable I had been. I knew I didn't like it, but one foot in front of the other, then Fall would come and I could feel my whole body relax. I felt 10 years younger.
Ok, I'm going on search for that sufferin, succotash cat, Sylvester.
Crew: Holy Shit, he gave me the bird too. Just found it. What an ass****. Got your post Judy. We will get him now. By the way, you know that he has his wall set up so you CAN'T post to him. Crafty little bugger. (I bet he is short) Cattails
I just got back home this afternoon n trying to check in on everyone. Internet service comes n goes in Ocala n especially in Williston Fl. Cattail, so sorry to hear about your dad in the NH n try not to feel selfish for you have n still r doing everything you can for him. You r a very caring n loving person so try to take a breather for u cannot do it all. You n your dad are in my prayers.
Meanwhile, I would have to say Amen to the mom's cooking, sweet potato n porky chops sounds yummy about now. At least she thank you n your sister n is trying to show her thanks to cook once in a blue moon. Be thankful for the little things n she is a clean freak.
Dtflex, sorry to hear that your mom sounds like she in severe dementia stage. I hope you are able to get the medicade as quick as possible.
Cuz, love the joke. lol for we all need a good laugh or two sometimes. Thanks.
Ok Crew: Sylvester posted his venom on "Is it wrong to hope someone dies" thread. Since I can't post on his wall, I responded to him on that thread. Check it out if you want. I will write ac about him. Jerk.
Cricket, sorry to hear that your computer crash n I hope you had saved any of your stuff on a usb stick or something so you didn't lose everything. I lost a lot of my stuff a couple of yrs ago when lighting with through r cable wires n we had a surge protector too.
Cattail, just read another post of yours n I am glad that the NH is working with you for your dad. Maybe after your dad is able to get in his ole recliner he will feel a little bit at ease.
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Very well stated Bookworm.
Welcome Kiki. Listen to these caregivers because they know the story and we all have walked the walk. That makes a world of difference when you're sifting through advice.
tbailey! ya, vent and live. You're doing an amazing job! Hope your husband has quit his bs.
Cattails! I cried my eyes out. That was so good.
Cuz! How is D? thanks as always for giving us jokes. You are an angel.
Flex! You have come so far and are doing so well. You know that feeling sad about what our parents have become is a part of the grieving process. We are constantly living in a state of grief.
We grieve our lost lives while we grieve our parents and their challenges. We grieve constantly and that is why the depression rate for caregivers is so high.
Flex you are amazing. One foot in front of the other. Repeat.
Jen! Been following with great interest the paths that you are looking into to express yourself. Ya go for it big time. No one can tell you what to write you just do it and the words show up. There will be an audience for you and you will be so fulfilled that you actually may go a few hours without thinking about FP and the insanity in which you live.
Have you Frisbeed the Hawaiian records yet? hahahahahaha
Love you Jen.
Cricket! you are so sweet and I hope you guys have fun on your info quest. You have all my respect for doing that.
I hope that all are doing well and I am also worried about Deef! DEEF!
Check in stuff and let us know...
Linda! love you sis.
JudymW! how's it going?
Was going to write more but they are pulling me out of the wet slip so I have to kill the power to the boat.
More later and love you guys more than you know.
lovbob
Meanwhile: Thank you for your kind words. They meant a lot to me.
Diane: I completely understand how you feel and Cricket's answer was exactly what was in my heart.
Jen: Keep writing and pursuing your dream.
Baby Kildees hatched yesterday. Four perfect replicas of mom, fully feathered and all markings identical. Only about an inch high. They are out in the grass now with mom, eating away. The geese took their first short flight this morning around 6:30am. Not so good on the landings, (some here-some there) but parents gathered them all up and all is well.
For the past two days my dad has been experiencing more right side weakness. Yesterday I was wondering if he would even be with us much longer. He is better this morning, but I just have a feeling that something is coming. Of course, something is coming because we are placing him. Maybe the anxiety I feel is about the placement. Feeling very sad.
Hugs to all, Cattails
When I placed my mom in respite I was a wreck and that was only respite!
Just remember to breathe. When I would get stressed I would quit breathing, literally.
You love your Dad and it is so hard to see him helpless like this. My heart goes out to you because sooner or later here it comes and it's so hard.
I am so sorry that you are sad. And all of the caregivers and charges that are sad.
Sux, but it just is. Still Sux.
lovbob
You are right, it sux no matter what you do. I know I am doing the right thing for us, but I feel so selfish. Nevertheless, there is a voice inside me that says it is time. The feelings vs knowing is just hard to reconcile. Guess we just have to accept that the conflict is unavoidable.
Thanks for the support. Sending you lots of hugs, Cattails
Mom actually cooked Sunday dinner, and it wasn't too bad. Normally, she is a terrible cook, doesn't like to cook, so Sis, and I fix them meals from time to time. She actually. thanked us for that, and said she wanted to cook for us. At least I don't worry about eating at her house, she is still a clean freak. Sometimes she doesn't get stuff cooked all the way, but she did good on Sunday. Pork chops and sweet potatoes.
Diane check in with us.. (thinking about you) and you better check in soon or Cat will be coming for you with that 2X4! LOL
I've got lots to do today so I need to go. Everyone have a good day!
Love Cricket
No need for the 2 x 4...lol It's only Tuesday and its already a crazy hectic week! Half our office is at a conference until Friday so the three of us left behind are working like crazy. Makes you truly appreciate your co-workers!
Mom actually did pretty good yesterday and so far today. I think she likes that I am coming home earlier to be with her. Really sucks financially, but she seems a little easier to handle. Maybe I'm the one that's delusional to think this...lol
Mom and I were talking yesterday at dinner and my b/f was so surprised to hear all the tings she used to do even just 6 years ago. He has only known my mom as an old woman that is unable to care for herself. He didn't get to know the dynamic woman she was. My mom used to be my best friend and we talked about everything. She might not have always agreed with everything I did, but she was always there. Mom used to sew, knit, crochet, quilt, garden, paint the house, mow the lawn, cook, clean, etc. She was a real dynamo!
Well the neurologist office called to say they can see mom on July 19th. I'm very happy to get that news since something has changed lately but I can't say what it is other than list her strange behavior. I was reading about stages on Alz.org and moms dementia fits into the severe cognative impairment stage. I took all the paperwork with me to work to copy t and submit to Medicaid but it was so darn busy I never got a chance to copy the stuff.
Well, I am going to try do some work at home while mom is being cooperative to sit in her recliner and relax. Cuz, good to hear your sister is picking up the pieces of her life. Have a good day all!
Love ya,
Diane
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other
outside the operating room--- the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little
nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done When
I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, They give you lots
of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I
was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you.
So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day,
a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!
And because of your age, you even get different living arrangements
than the general population so you'll be safe.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great.
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you
that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.
Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?
Cuz, when I read that in my email just now I wondered if you were going to post it on the thread. Brilliant. I really appreciate this information because I have no long term care insurance and no kids and basically on my own and will be out of money so this really made my day to know that there just might be a place for me after all.
I don't think I can do murder but if I pull some of the same tricks the banks pull on us (stealing money) I am sure I will get locked away forever.
Glad to hear that Diane is on the mend. She certainly is a strong person to endure all of that and pick herself up and keep going. Please tell her I always remember her as my adorable little cousin. No kidding crew, she is precious and just as pretty as can be.
It is not yet dawn here on the river and it is beautiful.
Thanks for the nature updates from the Great Pacific Northwest and Florida and Upstate New York and I hope Linda is ok and everyone has survived and is surviving this amazing heat. It about kicked my butt yesterday and I was working in the shade.
The yard's electrician came down the dock to work on another boat and took one look at me and told me to get inside and drink water. Bless his heart, he probably saved my bacon.
I think that I am going to rig a light and sleep in the day and work at night. It is stupid hot.
ok, I love you guys. Got to drink some coffee so I know which end is the pointy end.
Vent and live!
lovbob
I remember that day for me and like I said it was just respite! Oh poor girl.
Welcome home Judy and thanks for the post on my wall. Good luck with your mom's 'fang'. I feel for both of you as well.
Hell I feel for everybody!
I haven't been able to leave the boat but for a few minutes. I have rigged some emergency ac but it is brutal. I don't know how folks live without ac.
I hope you check in when you get home Cattails. I did when I put mom in and everyone was so good to me and it really helped. We'll be here checking so please let us know.
lovbob
We got dad to settled this morning at the nursing home. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (our son’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, and we were able to secure it for dad.
My dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome; lots of hugs. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names.
I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get one in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him
Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.
As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.
I’m taking him to his doc tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained so strength on the right side.
As I left the nursing home, I met up with Becky. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving the NH effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.
I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.
I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.
It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.
Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it.
I want to thank all of you for your prayer and kindness. I know placing a parent is a touchy subject, but I have truly felt your prayers and love. I can’t thank you enough
Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.
Now, I’m not saying Goodbye, ok. This is just the start of a new chapter. You suckers are stuck with me.
Diane, I have that 2x4, send me your sister’s address in Seattle.
Love to all of you, Cattails
Had the same experience as you and many others when placing a parent or loved one in a NH. You KNOW it's the right thing and at times you feel selfish, but generally you come to realize it absolutely was the right thing to do. Adjustment takes some time and is different for everyone. Sounds like your father is still level headed. That's good. He sounds sweet. My dad has been in for 6 months and not adjusting. He fights with the nurses and the doctors, he's rude, argumentative,and just plain nasty. It is his dementia. Some people go happy crazy and some get mean crazy. I'd say the latter is what we got here. I don't want to continue on because i don't want to discourage you. My experience will not be your experience. Sounds like you have a lot of special equipment in place to make him comfortable as well. That's great and probably makes you feel better too.
Even though Dad's in a NH, I still do all the day to day care, errands, meds, appointments, groceries etc.. for my Mom down the road. And as you all know, it's not just the physical part, it's the mentally responsibility that I think is killing me the most. No sibling support, no phone calls, no offers for help in three years. I asked twice for help when I was breaking down and they both said no. One just lazy, the other wants their money. She actually got a lawyer because she thinks I'm spending my parents money. They have no money. So I had to get a lawyer and hand over all the bank statements, which was fine. I have nothing to hide. She can get 40 lawyers and she'll never find any impropriety. So that of course, made her even more mad!!! LOLOL that's what I say about that!
Cattails, I know I look like shit too. I do exercise but I've been sick so I'm trying to get back at starting today. I wish I could just run away. hang in there honey. it will get easier, I'm sure.
xo
-SS
Cattails, congratulations on making that first step to getting your life under control.
I don't really know why placing a parent is a touchy subject because each situation is different and those that oppose need to walk in the other guy's moccasins for a week to put it all into perspective.
You wrote a beautiful piece that describes your dad's first day and all that you are doing to make him comfortable and as healthy as possible in this new phase.
Cattails, you are a wonderful daughter and you have done and are doing a wonderful job. I am also very happy that we are, um , 'stuck with you'!
SelfishSib! You are another one that is doing an incredible job in the face of major adversity. You know your sibs are just worthless and you keep on keeping on.
Placement has a stigma that we should work to overcome. Not addressing the stigma forces caregivers into untenable positions and robs them of their health and sanity.
This is not the taking care of grandma of years ago because of the advances in medicine. Now we keep the body going years and years after the poor mind has left and it's the loving child who takes on the caregiving when they have no clue of what's to come and how they are going to cope with it. And no one but another caregiver will tell them.
We all have little parts of this process that we champion and I guess fighting for the caregiver to feel good about placement is mine. Doesn't mean it's for everybody but that's not the point. No one has the right to judge when a caregiver says enough but that caregiver.
Have a good day you guys. I am still heat sick. This is not working for me and I already had the boat before the first time I got heatsick so I am thinking about summers in Maine.... haha
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
Cat, it sounds like everything went really well with the NH. I'm glad you are feeling a little lighter.. so now it's on to the new phase of Caregiving for you. Take a deep breath and say "all is well". I'm really glad you are sticking around here! Like everyone has said...we need being stuck with you! LOL
To everyone else I think we should all make up a list of names for the little old lady "Cuz" mentioned with all the mean and nasty sibs names on it. j/k but evil Crickets not. lol
Bobbie, I'm with you about working at night... did your ac break down or what? Gawd..... I would die or lay around looking like I was dead without the AC. I am south of you but it's been hotter than hell here too.. we're getting the daily afternoon Thunderstorms that make the humidity go way up. I walk outside and it's like walking into a fully functioning hot steam room...you know the old kind where someone pours water on the hot rocks! When I open the door to go outside the lizards and snakes, yes I said snakes, are trying to run inside to get out of the heat. You need to stay in and stay cool as much as you can, and get that water cold and keep drinking it all day and night. If I wasn't home bound with Dad I would come up and help you, or at least kill over with you from the heat. XOXO!
Love you all,
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Chirp Chirp Cricket Hugsღ
Took my dad to his doc this morning. Geez, that was not easy and it took Warren and I to get him there. Dad was not happy. I could see he was sad and feeling confused, misplaced and all I could think of was how much better he would feel if I just took him home and got him in his recliner.
The recliner is now at the NH Had to wait today for the doc to get ORDERS that dad could have his high quality mattress, plus the flotation mattress topper. Hospice said I could use it for him at the NH. So now I can finally get it down to him. I was bummed out today for sure. Tomorrow will be better.
Judy, back to you and the freak. I'm on it. I checked the news feed today and Syl 18 was freaking out on somebody else.
Here's what irritates me. When I check my wall, all I see is what I posted to others, I guess I can go to Activity to see who posted on my wall. Mostly, I just get a notification if someone posts on my wall.
I haven't looked closely at my email alerts. I'll check Judy. Don't worry about him hurting me. He is a raving lunatic.
BTW, Judy, I just want to tell you how glad I am to have you back. Your explanation of Fang and your heart being 3 sizes to small made me laugh out loud. You are too funny and I am so glad to have you back.
To everyone on the thread, thank you so much for your kind words. Bobbie, could you really go to Maine for the summers? OMG, that would be so awesome. You need to get out of that heat. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!
I hate the heat and lived in it for 30 plus years. It was only when Fall came that I realized how miserable I had been. I knew I didn't like it, but one foot in front of the other, then Fall would come and I could feel my whole body relax. I felt 10 years younger.
Ok, I'm going on search for that sufferin, succotash cat, Sylvester.
Love, Cattails
Cattail, so sorry to hear about your dad in the NH n try not to feel selfish for you have n still r doing everything you can for him. You r a very caring n loving person so try to take a breather for u cannot do it all. You n your dad are in my prayers.
Meanwhile, I would have to say Amen to the mom's cooking, sweet potato n porky chops sounds yummy about now. At least she thank you n your sister n is trying to show her thanks to cook once in a blue moon. Be thankful for the little things n she is a clean freak.
Dtflex, sorry to hear that your mom sounds like she in severe dementia stage. I hope you are able to get the medicade as quick as possible.
Cuz, love the joke. lol for we all need a good laugh or two sometimes. Thanks.
Cattails
Cattail, just read another post of yours n I am glad that the NH is working with you for your dad. Maybe after your dad is able to get in his ole recliner he will feel a little bit at ease.